Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 1, Episode 8 - I, Robot... You, Jane - full transcript

In every generation,
there is a chosen one.

She alone will stand
against the vampires,

the demons,
and the forces of darkness.

She is the slayer.

No.

Oh, great. A book.

Oh, I haven't gone through
the new arrivals.

Put it in that pile.

Here, I'll get it.

Oh, thanks, Dave.
The Willow pile.

When I've examined it,
you can, uh, skim it.



Scan it.

Rupert,
that's scan it.

Of course.

Oh, I know our ways
are strange to you,

but soon you will join
us in the 20th century

with 3 whole years
to spare.

Ms. calendar...

I'm sure your computer science
class is fascinating.

But I happen to believe that one
can survive in modern society

without being a slave
to the, um, idiot box.

That's TV.
The idiot box is TV.

This is
the good box.

Well, I still prefer
a good book.

The printed page
is obsolete.



Information isn't
bound up anymore.

It's an entity.

The only reality
is virtual.

If you're not jacked in,
you're not alive.

Thank you, Fritz...

For making us all sound
like crazy people.

Fritz... Fritz comes
on a little strong,

but he does
have a point.

You know, for
the last 2 years,

more e-mail was sent
than regular mail.

More digitized
information

went across phone lines
than conversations.

That is a fact that I
regard with genuine horror.

I'll bet it is.

All right, guys, let's
wrap it up for today.

I just got a few more.
I'll hang for a bit.

Cool. Thanks.

Xander, you want
to stay and help me?

Are you kidding?

Yes. It was a joke
I made up.

Willow, I love you,
but bye.

See you tomorrow.

Buffy, wait up.

I'm just going to stay
and clean up.

I'll be back
in the middle ages.

Did you ever leave?

Willow!

Willow,
hey, wait up.

Oh, Buffy. I didn't
even see you.

Or hear me.
What was up last night?

I tried your line
like a million times.

Oh, I was...
I was talking.

Talking to...

OK, that's it. You have a
secret, and that's not allowed.

Why not?

'Cause there's a rule.

Well, I sort of
met someone.

I knew it. This is so important.
When did you meet?

Last week, after we did the
scanning project in the library.

Does he go here?
What's his name?

Have you kissed him?
What's he like?

No, Malcolm, no,
and very nice.

You are a thing of evil for not
telling me this right away.

Well, I wasn't sure there
was anything to tell.

But last night, oh!

We talked all night.
It was amazing.

He's so smart,
Buffy,

and he's romantic, and we
agree about everything.

Oh. What's he look like?

I don't know.

Yes, I will.
I promise.

So, you've been
seeing a guy,

and you don't know
what he looks like.

OK, this is a puzzle.

No, wait,
I'm good at these.

Does it involve a midget
and a block of ice?

I met him online.

On line for what?

Oh.

Good morning, kids.

Buffy, are you supposed
to be somewhere?

No, I have a free.

Cool. But this is lab
time, so let's make it

a nice, short visit,
OK?

Sure.

You have mail.

It's him.

He's so sweet.

He's a sweetie.

What should
I write back?

Uh, Willow, I think
it's really great

that you have
this cool pen pal,

but don't you think you're
kind of rushing all into this?

You know what I mean?

"I'm thinking
of you, too."

No, that's
incredibly stupid.

Will, down girl.
Let's focus here, OK?

What do you actually
know about this guy?

Oh, see, I knew
you'd react like this.

Like what?

I just want to make sure
you're careful, that's all.

Buffy...

He could be different
than you think.

His name is Malcolm
black, he's 18,

he lives in Elmwood, which
is about 80 miles from here,

and he likes me.

Short, tall,
skinny, fat?

Why does everything
have to be about looks?

Not everything,
but some stuff is.

I mean, what if you guys get
really, really intense,

and then you find out
that he has a hairy back?

Well, no. He doesn't
talk like somebody

who would have
a hairy back.

And anyway, that
stuff doesn't matter

when you really care
about each other.

Maybe I'm not
his ideal either.

Hey, I'm just trying
to make sure

that he's good enough
for you.

I think it's great
that you met someone.

Hey, Fritz...

I'm looking
at the logs.

You and Dave are clocking a pretty
scary amount of computer time.

New project.

Oh, will I be excited?

You'll die.

This isn't my report.

"Nazi Germany was a model
of a well-ordered society?"

I didn't write that.

Who's been on my files?

Hey, guess who?

Uh, Xander?

Yeah, but keep
guessing anyway.

Xander.

Oh, I can't
fool you.

You see right through
my petty charade.

Are we going to
the bronze tonight?

Not me. I think I'm going
to call it an early night.

Oh, Malcolm, right?

Yeah, I heard.

But you're going
to be missing out.

I'm planning
to be witty.

I'm going to make fun of all the
people who won't talk to me.

That's nice.
Have a good time.

She certainly
looks perky.

Yeah, color in the cheeks,
bounce in the step.

I don't like it.
It's not healthy.

So, are you going to
the bronze tonight?

Oh, probably not. You probably
have some vampire slaying

or some lame endeavor
like that, don't you?

Everyone deserts me.

Check out
the jealous man.

What are you
talking about?

You're jealous.

Of what?

Willow's got a thang
and Xander's left hanging.

Oh, that's
meaningless drivel.

I'm not interested
in Willow like that.

Yeah, but you got used to
being the belle of the ball.

No, it's just this Malcolm guy.
What's his deal?

I mean, tell me you're
not slightly wigged.

OK, slightly.

I mean, just not knowing
what he's really like.

Or who he really is?

I mean, sure he says he's
a high school student,

but I can say I'm a
high school student.

You are.

OK, but
I could also say

that I'm an elderly
Dutch woman.

Get me? I mean,
who's to say I'm not

if I'm in the elderly
Dutch chat room.

I get your point.

I get your point.

Oh, this guy
could be anybody.

He could be weird,
or crazy, or old,

or he could be
a circus freak.

He's probably
a circus freak.

Yeah, I mean, we read
about it all the time.

You know, people
meet on the net,

they talk,
they get together,

have dinner, a show,
horrible ax murder.

Willow ax-murdered
by a circus freak.

OK, OK, what do we do?

What are we doing?

Xander,
you get me started.

We are totally
overreacting.

But it's fun,
isn't it?

I'm jacked in.

I'm jacked in.

I'm jacked in.

I'm jacked in.

Whoa. You're
the late girl.

I overslept.

Till fifth period?

Talking to Malcolm
last night?

Yeah.

What?

Nothing.

You're having
an expression.

I'm not. But if I
was, it'd be saying.

This just
isn't like you.

Not like me
to have a boyfriend?

He's boyfriendly?

I don't understand why you
don't want me to have this.

I mean, boys don't chase
me around all the time.

I thought you'd
be happy for me.

I just want
you to be sure.

To meet him
face-to-face...

In daylight in a crowded
place with some friends.

You know, before you
become all obsessive.

Malcolm and I really
care about each other.

Big deal if I blow off
a couple classes.

I thought you said
you overslept?

Malcolm said
you wouldn't understand.

Malcolm was right.

Dave?

Hi there, Dave.

Anybody home?

Oh. What do you want?

I wanted to ask you
something

if you have a minute.

What is it?

Well, you're
a computer geek... genius,

and I sort of have
a technical problem.

If I wanted to find out
something about someone...

If someone e-mailed me...
Could I trace the letter?

Well, you could pull up
somebody's profile

based on
their user name.

But they write the profile
themselves, right?

So they can say
anything they wanted.

True.

Wow, I had knowledge.

Well, is there a way
to find out exactly

where a letter...
An e-letter... came from?

I mean the actual
location of the computer.

It's a challenge.

'Cause, you see, Willow's
got this boyfriend Malcolm,

and to tell you
the truth...

Leave Willow alone.

What do you mean?

That's none of
your business.

Dave, are you Malcolm?

Of course not.

Dave, what's going on?

Look, I'll talk to you
later, OK?

I've got work to do.

So do I.

I'm telling you,
something is going on.

It's not just Willow. Dave,
Fritz... they're all wicked jumpy.

Those boys aren't sparklingly
normal as it is.

Giles, trust me.

I do.

I really don't know
how to advise you.

Things involving the computer
fill me with a childlike terror.

Now, if it were a nice
ogre or some such,

I'd be more
in my element.

Well, I suppose you
could, uh, tail Dave,

see if he's
up to something.

Follow Dave.

What, in dark glasses
and a trench coat? Please.

I can work this out myself.

She's too close.

What do I do?

Party.

Whatever Dave
is into, it's large.

What was the name
of this place?

It said C.R.D. But I couldn't get
close enough to see what it was.

Calax research and development.
It's a computer research lab.

Third largest employer in Sunnydale,
till it closed down last year.

What, I can't have
information sometimes?

It's just somewhat
unprecedented.

Well, my uncle
used to work there...

In a floor-sweeping
capacity.

But it closed?

Uh-huh.

Looked pretty functional
from where I stood.

I don't have a clue
what they were doing.

And what do they
need Dave for?

Something about
computers, right?

I mean, he is
off-the-charts smart.

We still don't know
an enormous amount.

Whatever is going on there
may be on the up and up.

No. If C.R.D. Opened, it
would have been on the news.

Besides, I can just
tell something's wrong.

My spider sense
is tingling.

Your spider sense?

Pop-culture reference.
Sorry.

Yes, well, I think we're
still at a standstill.

Short of breaking
into the place...

Breaking in.
Then this is the plan.

I'm free tonight.

Tonight it is.

A moment, please,
of quiet reflection.

I did not suggest that you
illegally enter the...

Uh, data into the file

so the book will be listed
by title as well as author.

I just came by to check
your new database,

make sure your cross-reference
table isn't glitching.

'Cause I'm guessing you haven't
gone anywhere near it.

I'm still sorting through the
chaos you left behind you.

Hmm.

You're here again?

You kids really dig the
library, don't you?

We're literary.

To read makes our
speaking English good.

We'll be going now.

Uh, well, we'll continue this
conversation at another time.

I think we're done.

Makes our speaking
English good?

I panicked, OK?

I know what you mean.

I feel like you know
me better than anyone.

Do you think
we should meet?

I'm nervous.

I'm not.
Isn't that strange?

That's what Buffy
doesn't understand.

How comfortable
you can make me feel.

Buffy just
makes trouble.

That's why she got kicked
out of her old school.

How did you know that?

It's on her
permanent record.

I guess.

I have to sign off.
I'll talk to you later.

You're a snob.

I am no such thing.

Oh, you are a big snob.
You think that knowledge

should be kept in these
carefully guarded repositories

where only a handful of
white guys can get at it.

Nonsense. I simply don't adhere
to a knee-jerk assumption

that because something
is new it's better.

This isn't a fad,
Rupert.

We are creating
a new society here.

A society in which human
interaction is all but obsolete.

In which people can be completely
manipulated by technology.

Well... well,

thank you, I'll pass.

Well, I think you'll be
very happy here

with your musty
old books.

These musty old books have
a great deal more to say

than any of your
fabulous web pages.

Hmm. This one doesn't have
a whole lot more to say.

What is it,
like a diary?

How odd. I haven't looked
through all the volumes yet.

I didn't, um...

What is it?

Uh, nothing.
Um, a diary, yes.

I imagine
that's what it is.

Well, it's been
so nice talking to you.

We were fighting.

Must do it
again sometime.

Bye now.

I checked the computer, and
there's nothing in his file

about being allergic
to penicillin.

Buffy.

Dave.
How are you doing?

OK. Look, I'm sorry
about yesterday.

I haven't been getting
much sleep lately, you know?

Don't sweat it.

Willow was
looking for you.

Good. I need
to talk to her.

Do you know
where she is?

She said she'd be in
the girl's locker room.

Great.

Thanks.

Will?

Willow?

Will, are you
taking a shower?

I guess not.

This is how droughts
get started.

Buffy, get out!

Uhh!

Ohh!

I can't do it.

I'm not
going to do it.

But you promised.

Buffy isn't
a threat to you.

It's not worth it.

The project
is almost complete.

You won't have
to do it again.

Oh, I can't.

I've shown you a new world, Dave.
Knowledge, power...

I can give you
everything.

All I want is your love.

No. This isn't right.

None of it is.

I'm sorry. I've been
a terrible person.

I'm a coward, and I can't
go on living like this.

Forgive me, mom and dad.

At least now,
I'll have some peace.

Remember me.

Love, Dave.

I'm going to kill Dave.

He tried to warn me.

Warn you that
he set you up?

Is she going to be OK?

She was only grounded
for a moment.

Still, if you'd been
anyone but the slayer...

Tell me the truth.

How's my hair?

It's great. It's
your best hair ever.

Uh, yes.

I just...

I don't understand what would
make Dave do a thing like that.

I think perhaps I do.

Does this look familiar
to either of you?

Yeah, sure. It
looks like a book.

I knew that one.

In the dark ages,

the souls of demons were sometimes
trapped in certain volumes.

They remained locked
within the book harmless,

unless the pages
were read aloud.

Unless I'm mistaken, this
is Moloch the Corruptor,

a very deadly
and seductive demon.

He draws people to him with
promises of love, power, knowledge.

He preys on
impressionable minds.

Like Dave's.

Dave and who knows
how many others.

And Moloch is
inside that book?

Not anymore.

You released Moloch?

Way to go.

I didn't read it.

That dreadful calendar woman found
it and it was already blank.

OK, so a powerful demon with horns
is walking around Sunnydale

and nobody's noticed?

If he's so big and strong,
why bother with Dave?

I mean, why didn't he just
attack Buffy himself?

I don't know.

And I don't know who could
have read that book.

It wasn't even
in English.

Where was it?

In a pile with others
that were, um, scanned.

And that released
the demon?

No, he's not out here.
He's in there.

The scanner
read the book.

It brought Moloch out as
information to be absorbed.

He's gone
binary on us.

OK, for those of us in our
studio audience who are me,

you guys are saying that
Moloch is in this computer.

And in every computer
connected to it by a modem.

He's everywhere.

What are we going to do?

Willow scanned him
into her file.

It may be a futile gesture, but
I suggest we, um, delete it.

Solid.

Don't get too close.

OK.

OK.

So which file
do you think it is?

Willow?

That's probably
it, right?

I'll just delete
the whole thing.

Uhh!

Stay away from Willow.

It is none of
your business.

So that's what
Malcolm looks like.

So much for
"delete file."

This is very bad.

Are we overreacting?
He's in a computer.

What can he do?

You mean, besides convince
a perfectly nice kid

to try and kill me?
I don't know.

How about mess up all the
medical equipment in the world?

Randomize
traffic signals...

Access launch codes
for our nuclear missiles...

Destroy the world's
economy.

I think I pretty much capped it
with that nuclear missile thing.

Right, yours was best.

OK, he's a threat. I'm
on board with that now.

What can we
do about it?

The first thing we do
is find Willow.

She's probably talking
to him right now.

God, that creeps me out.

What does he
want with Willow?

Let's never find out.

OK, um, I'm going to
check the computer lab,

and you guys
call her home.

Willow?

Ohh!

No answer.
Damn it.

Well, it wasn't busy either,
so she's not online.

She's not home.

What did you find?

Willow isn't...

Dave. He's dead.
How?

Well, it looked
like suicide.

With a little help
from my friends?

I'd guess Fritz, or the
other zomboids from C.R.D.

OK, you and I are going
to go to Willow's house.

Giles, you need to come up with a
way to get Moloch out of the net.

I... I have records
of the ceremonies,

but that's for
a creature of the flesh.

This could be something
completely different.

Then get Ms. calendar.
Maybe she can help you.

Even if she could, how am
I going to convince her

there's a demon
on the Internet?

OK, fine. Then you can stay here
and come up with a better plan.

Come on.

Mom?

Dad?

You have mail.

You have mail.

Dad, did you forget
your keys again?

No more waiting.

A spokesman for the archbishop
denied the allegations,

blaming computer error for the
apparent financial discrepancy.

Binding ritual...

...the FBI today reported that all
of the serial killer profiles...

Hi. I got
your message.

What's so urgent?

Um, thank you for coming.
Uh, I need your help.

But before that, um,

I need you to believe something
that you may not want to.

Uh, there's, uh, something
has got into the, uh,

uh, inside, um...

There's a demon
in the Internet.

I know.

Willow?

Oh, this isn't good.

Willow?

Willow?

OK, any thoughts?

"No more waiting.
I need you to see me."

See him how? Where?

What about C.R.D?
The research place?

I'm guessing that's
Moloch central.

I'm guessing
that's our best lead.

Let's just hope Giles
can back us up.

You already know? Uh...

How exactly is that?

Come on, there have been
portents for days.

Power surges,
online shutdowns.

You should see the bones
I've been casting.

I knew this would
happen sooner or later.

I mean, it's probably a mischief
demon, you know, like Kelkor or...

It's Moloch.

The Corruptor?

Oh, boy.

I should have remembered.

You don't seem exactly
surprised by...

Who are you?

I teach computer science
at the local high school.

A profession that hardly lends
itself to the casting of bones.

Wrong and wrong,
snobby.

You think the realm
of the mystical

is limited to
ancient texts and relics?

That bad old science
made the magic go away?

The divine exists in
cyberspace same as out here.

Are you a witch?

Mmm, I don't have
that kind of power.

Technopagan is the term.

There are more of us
than you think.

Well, uh, you can
definitely help me.

Um...

What's in cyberspace at the
moment is less than divine.

I have the binding
rituals at hand,

but I'm completely
out of my idiom.

Well, I can help...
I think.

I hope. I mean, this
is my first real...

Do you know
how he got in?

He was, uh, scanned is
the term I believe.

And you want him
back in the book?

Buffy?

Yeah.
Willow?

Not at home. It looks like
she was taken somewhere.

Where are you?

C.R.D. Whatever Moloch
wants Willow for

is probably in there.

Ms. calendar and I are working
to get Moloch offline.

Hurry.

Welcome, my love.

I can't tell you
how good it is to see you...

With my own 2 eyes.

Willow.

Malcolm?

This world is so new,

so exciting.

I can see all of it.

Everything flows
through me.

I know the secrets
of your kings.

But nothing compares
to having form again.

To be able to walk,
to touch.

To kill.

Aah!

Back way?

Back way.

Here they come.

The first thing we have to do
is form the Circle of Kayless,

right?

Form a circle?
But there's only 2 of us.

That's really
more of a line.

You're not getting
it, Rupert.

We have to form
the circle inside.

I'm putting out
a flash.

I just hope enough
of my group responds.

Won't Moloch
just shut you down?

Well, I'm betting he won't
figure out what we're doing

until it's too late.

Hoping and betting,
that's what we've got.

You want to throw in
praying, be my guest.

I don't understand. What
do you want from me?

I want to
give you the world.

Why?

You created me.

I brought these humans
together to build me a body,

but you gave me life,

took me out of the book
that held me.

I want to repay you.

By lying to me?

By pretending
to be a person?

Pretending
you loved me?

I do.

Buffy?

It's her.

Yeah, who's
the other guy?

Don't you see?

I can give you
everything.

I can control the world.

Right now,
a man in Beijing

is transferring money
to a Swiss bank account

for a contract
on his mother's life.

Good for him.

I can't bust it.
It's heavy steel.

Then let's find
another way in.

What's going on?

The building's security
system is computerized.

Whoops.

Almost there.

Couldn't you just stop Moloch by
entering some computer virus?

You've seen way
too many movies.

OK, we're up.

You read, I type.
Ready?

I am.

"By the power
of the divine..."

"By the essence
of the word,

I command you."

Let me leave.

But I love you.

Don't say that!
That's a joke.

You don't love anything.

You are mine.

I'm not yours. I'm never
going to be yours.

Never.

Pity.

"By the power of
the circle of Kayless,

I command you!"

It's Kayless with a "K."

I'll miss you.

Aah!

"Demon, come!"

Aah!

I command you!

Ow! Guy's made of metal.

No!

I won't go back!

Aah!

Demon, come!!

Whoa!

Aah!

Hey, I got
to hit someone.

Aah!

He's out of the net.

He's bound.

He's not in the book.

He's not in the book.

Well, where is he?

Let's go this way.

Wait!

I was omnipotent.

I was everything!

Now I'm trapped
in this shell.

Malcolm!

Remember me?
Your girlfriend?

I think it's time
we break up,

but maybe we can
still be friends.

This body is
all I have left,

but it's enough
to crush you.

Take your best shot.

Ahem.

Well,
look who's here.

Welcome to my world.

You scared?

I'm remaining calm,
thank you.

I just wanted to,
uh, return this.

I found it
among the new books

and naturally,
I thought of you.

Cool. Thanks.

Uh, well,
I'll see you anon.

Can't get out of here
fast enough, can you?

Truthfully, I'm even less
anxious to be around computers

than I used to be.

Well, it was your book that started
all the trouble, not a computer.

Honestly, what is it about
them that bothers you so much?

The smell.

Computers
don't smell, Rupert.

I know.

Smell is the most powerful
trigger to the memory there is.

A certain flower
or a whiff of smoke

can bring up experiences
long forgotten.

Books smell musty
and... and rich.

The knowledge gained from
a computer is... is...

It has no texture,

no context.

It's there and
then it's gone.

If it's to last, then the getting
of knowledge should be tangible.

It should be, uh...

Smelly.

Well, you really are an
old-fashioned boy, aren't you?

Well, I don't dangle
a corkscrew from my ear.

That's not
where I dangle it.

We going to go to the
bronze tonight, we 3?

It'll be fun.

Yeah. Willow, fun?

Remember fun? That
thing where you smile?

Oh, I'm sorry, guys.

I'm just thinking about...

Malcolm?

Malcolm, Moloch,
whatever he's called.

The one boy that's
really liked me,

and he's a demon robot.

What does that
say about me?

It doesn't say
anything about you.

I mean, I thought...
I was really falling...

Hey, did you forget?

The one boy I've had the
hots for since I moved here

turned out
to be a vampire.

Right. And the teacher
I had a crush on:

Giant
praying mantis.

That's true.

Yeah, it's life
on the hellmouth.

Let's face it...
None of us are

ever going to have a happy,
normal relationship.

We're doomed.

Yeah.

Grr! Argh!