Brothers & Sisters (2006–2011): Season 1, Episode 12 - Sexual Politics - full transcript

Previously on "Brothers and Sisters"...

I thought it might be nice if people
brought their dogs to work occasionally.

You--nice?

I sent an e-mail.

You did what?

Come up to my place in Santa Barbara.

I don't date potential employers.

You'll have lunch and a
professional conversation.

If you consider that a date, then
your social life must be pretty lame.

It is.

We're having a baby.



Oh!

I am trying to be a good mother to him.

I know that's what he wants when he's here.

He has a mother.

Yeah, but she's not here, is she, joe?

And I am.

Why are you leaving?

I've had some bad ideas in my life,

but thinking I could work here and share
an office with you is one of the worst.

How ya doing?

No,I work here now.

I'm not kidding.

I know you been working hard all week
so won't you come on and lay with me?

Hey,stud.



Hey.

Whoa,blind stud.

Soap in my eye.

Sorry, but what you did back there?

It was incredible.

You sure it was me and not the hormones?

Oh, it was you, all right.

Well, I do aim to please.

Good, because I'm nowhere
near finished with you.

I barely left the house most sundays.

My mom would cook elaborate dinners for
neighbors, friends and sometimes people we barely knew.

By 10, I could whip up a perfect
meringue, deglaze a pan, truss a chicken.

But by the time puberty
rolled around, I'd had enough.

Football, friends seemed more important.

So I told her I was done.

I mean, I was a guy.

I didn't want to spend sundays
in the kitchen with my mom.

And you know what she said?

She told me that someday I would realize that
taking care of people is not masculine or feminine.

It's a privilege and it's an honor.

And she was right.

Then one day I realized that politics is about the
privilege and the honor of taking care of people

of making certain that the weak are protected,the
poor are sheltered and the hungry fed.

My mother passed away six years ago, but I work every day to honor her memory in politics and in my kitchen.

Well,thank you.

I appreciate the support.

It's good to see you.

Weren't you impressed?

Well, you were talking to a room full of republican women.

What did you think, they were gonna storm the stage?

Look, this is your first week.

Shouldn't you be kissing up to me a little more?

There is nothing sexier than a man who loves his mom.

I'm glad you enjoyed the speech.

You are so much better-looking in person than you are on c-span.

Oh.

Nobody looks good on c-span, believe me.

It's the lighting.

Oh,those baby blues cheekbones that could cut glass.

Financies are impeccable.

I'd have to rate you a 94.5

I have to take off something for the divorce.

But thank goodness you were the cheatee, not the cheater.

I'm sorry.

Excuse me, but who are you?

"Introductions by elise."

"Introductions"?

I ntro--oh!

Oh,you're a...you're a dating service.

Executive matchmaker.

And a very large contributor.

Look, I'm gonna cut right to the chase.

You are the 200-pound tuna of bachelors, senator,

and you really don't have time to separate the
wheat from the chaff, you know,

the Grace Kellys from the Britney Spears,
and that's where I come in.

Senator, we need to go meet the governor.

It's very nice meeting you.

Lovely to meet you.

Think about it.

You bet.

Give me that.

You didn't find her persuasive?

Persuasive? No.

Objectifying, pushy, judgmental, yes.

She is trying to bring people together.

That is noble work.

She looked at you like you were a piece of meat.

Tuna, actually.

- If the press ever got wind of you using a madam
- it's an executive matchmaker.

Fine.

They're gonna have a field day.

And by the way, can you think of a less romantic way to meet someone?

Oh, what, you want to be reduced to an
arbitrary number on an arbitrary scale?

Y-you are try to get to me.

No, not trying, succeeding ,and spectacularly, I might add.

You realize I hate you right now?

Come on, ladies, come on!

Show me something down here!

Oh, life's a fight, people!

Let's see some fightin' spirit in here!

Just five more, soldier!

Five!

Four!

Three!

Five!

Two comes after three!

Four!

Three!

Two!

One!

I can't believe he sat on me.

Is that a common occurrence?

You haven't taken benny before?

No.

He gets off on being a hard-ass.

It's my first week.

With those arms, bro?

You could've fooled me.

Nice to meet you.

Chad.

Kevin.

Nice kicks, by the way.

Where'd you get 'em?

Some place on Melrose.

I'm waiting for these limited edition japanese imports.

They got, like, blue and orange on the side
and this cool red mesh on the soles.

I had my publicist put me on the list.

They sound great.

I could ask her to put you on it, too, if you want.

If you don't mind matching, that is.

No. Sure.

Right on.

I'll need your info, though.

Oh.

I'm so sorry.

You're Dr Phillip, right?

From "Tempest Bay"?

That's me.

I know it's completely hicksville, but
would you sign my gym bag?

Sure, no problem.

Thanks.

Oh,my god.

My mom's gonna flip out.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Too bad it's always the moms, right?

Yeah, bummer.

he was hitting on me.

You are so full of yourself.

Chad barry has had, like, ten girlfriends in the last year.

What?

I'm a mom.

I read "us weekly."

It's too bad justin's in rehab.

He has great gaydar.

Well, straight guys don't really comment on other guy's bodies.

Then why did you tell kevin he was getting a gut?

Yeah.

Well, he's my brother.

That's...that's different.

I say "go for it".

Since when have you been so sex positive?

Well, julia's morning sickness is gone.

Oh, it has?

That's so great.

Yeah.

Really great.

Oh.

I remember that.

When I was pregnant with Cooper, Joe would just, like,
brush past me, and I was

Enjoy it while it lasts.

Believe me, it won't.

Oh, thanks for the tip, killjoy.

Oh, look.

He brought his mom to the Daytime Emmys.

Everyone does that now.

Yeah, everyone who's gay.

that's julia.

She wants me home for, um, lunch.

- Later. - lunch.

He's got a blog.

"Favorite music-- all things christina."

You might be right.

Yeah.

Kitty walker?

Gary morris, policy advisor.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

I was a big fan of "red,white & blue."

Welcome aboard.

Oh,well,thanks.

I'm happy to be here.

Yeah.

Uh, between you and me, some of the staff
are concerned about you coming to work for us.

- But,uh,so long as you're discreet
- well,I'm sorry.

Um, excuse me.

- I'm not sure that I follow
- oh,sorry.

I need to take this.

Noreen, can you help kitty get settled?

Thanks.

Your office is this way.

Not quite what you're used to, huh?

No makeup, no stylists.

This office is seriously lacking in glamour.

Well, uh, I worked in basic cable, so...

ooh.

No glamour there.

- If you need anything else - uh,yeah.

Actually, um, is there any reason why people
would be uncomfortable with me being here?

No reason.

It's great.

But I'm swamped.

I should go.

No,no.

No,please.

I mean, really, I-I feel like I have spinach in
my teeth and nobody's telling me.

We all just really care about the senator.

Personally, I think you make a really cute couple.

Couple?

C-uple?

No.

No,no,no,no,no.

We are--that--that--no.

There's no couple.

I mean, I'm just part of his communications staff.

There's no coupling.

I get it.

You want to keep it on the down low.

No.

I don't--I don't want to keep it on the down.

I don't want to keep it on the low.

I don't want to keep it anywhere.

There's nothing to keep anywhere anyway.

I arranged for you to go up to his ranch for the weekend.

Oh,no. For the day.

For the day.

It was one day.

And actually, it turned into just a couple of hours.

Look, he's been through a lot.

Just don't break his heart,okay?

Oh,my--I-I just-- you know, what can I say to you to make you understand that we are not together?

You know, if you don't believe me, you can ask...

ask my boyfriend.

You have a boyfriend?

Yes, I do.

It's very serious.

I love him.

I'm sorry.I...

I guess it was just a misunderstanding.

I'll let you settle in.

Yeah, okay.

And--and please feel free to spread the word.

oh,no.

Listen to this.

"Spend two weeks at a 16th century tuscan farmhouse."

Each night you prepare an authentic italian meal,learning from local chefs.

Interested?

Two weeks cooking?

Are you-- what--what part of "vacation" do you not understand?

Are you expecting a fax?

Well,no.

I mean,yes,I am.

Papers from my office.

Kitty, don't lie.

You've got a tell-- that funny thing you do with your eyebrows.

I-I don't do a little thing with my eyebrows.

This came in a few minutes ago.

Oh, great, mother.

Thank you for making an embarrassing situation even more embarrassing.

A dating service,kitty?

Oh,no.

You don't need a dating service.

No,I actually do.

- I need a quick and expedient way to find
- a husband?

No,mother,not a husband.

Sweetheart,there are other ways of fulfilling your physical needs.

There are electrical things

Mother,no,please!

What?

Oh,somebody,just kill me!

Okay,all right.

- If it's not a husband, and it's not sex, then why are you
- it's--it's a beard.

Arm candy.

I need somebody whose picture I can put on my desk,

because everybody in my office thinks that the senator and I are dating.

Well,he is your type.

Oh,et tu,mother?

All right,I'm sorry.

Just please continue.

All right.Well,I really want to do well at this job,

and I can't do well if everybody thinks
that I got my job by sleeping with my boss.

So if you will excuse me,I am meeting with the E.M.

- Very shortly,and I
- "E.M."?

It's the executive matchmaker.

Now silence,mother.

you want help with that bar?

Hey.

Oh,hey.

You made it.

Yeah.

I didn't want major pain to make me do
extra push-ups,so I ran here.

Hey, check 'em out.

Oh, yeah, the--nice.

Yeah,I got yours in my bag.

Great.

You'll need to break 'em in,though.

What are you doing tomorrow, say around 11:00?

Oh,I-I work.

I'm a--I'm a lawyer.

That's too bad.

Not that you're a lawyer,that you're not free.

Oh,well,you know,I-I-I work pretty flexible hours.

Cool.

So we'll,uh,skip class tomorrow and go hiking.

I was kind of hoping to give my legs a day off.

Ah,come on,man,it'll be fun.

I know this great off-leash trail we can hit.

Uh,I don't have a dog.

I do...Lola,my pug.

You have a pug named lola?

Yep.

Short for lolita.

And she's getting pretty fat,dude.

let's get those heart rates up!

all right,let's go,guys.

Come on now!

Ten rounds,jumping jacks!

Go!

Up!

Up!

Up!

Come on!

ah,hello,ladies.

Hi,mrs.Whedon.

Hi,mom.

Where's dad?

He's in the kitchen with nicole's mom.

Okay,those two fingers on those-- that,yeah,second fret...

And your pinky goes on the third fret there,yeah.

Hit it.

Hit it again.

yeah,rock star!

hi.

Sarah,hi.

I'm vanessa.

I'm sorry.

I didn't realize you had a lesson,joe.

Uh,no,it's just I was playing a few tunes,and,uh

and I made the mistake of saying it looked easy.

Well,it's nice to see the guitar out.

It's been a while since it's had any recreational activity.

Yeah.

I--you know,I should get going.

Time to round up my little warrior.

Oh,she's great.

I'll ring you tomorrow.

Sounds good.

It's so nice to finally meet you.

You,too.

Vanessa,right?

Right.

See ya.

Don't tell me.

You're jealous.

Don't be ridiculous.

Come on,she's just another mom.

Lovely.

Oh,my.

This is so beautiful.

You know,your home says a lot about you.

Warm,nurturing.

Homebody.

It's my mom's.

You live at home at your age?

Oh,well,yeah,it's temporary.

See,used to live in new york, and then I moved to L.A...

you should have seen her first apartment-- steel and concrete.

What is it with young people that want to live in a warehouse?

Hi,I'm nora.

How do you do?

I'm elise.

Mom,don't you have something that you need to do?

I do.

I'm organizing the linen chest.

I'll be quiet as a mouse.

So,elise,when do you think I'll have my first date?

Don't get ahead of yourself.

We do have some work to do on your dating techniques,your appearance,your hair.

What--what's wrong with my hair?

A little product wouldn't hurt.

Mom,I don't need product.

You know,just for a little volume.

Now I need to prep you on what you're going to say.

Oh,well,you know,I'm-- I know that I look young,but I've actually been dating for about 20 years,so I've

and yet you've never sealed the deal.

Well,maybe I've never wanted to...

seal the deal.

Don't be defensive.

No,no.

No,no.

She gets defensive.

No,no.

I don't get defensive.

I'm not defensive.I'm not!

she gets defensive.

Okay,okay,okay,ladies.

I am gonna meet with you before every date,
and we're gonna check your clothes,your makeup,

you know,to make sure that you're projecting the
right image,you know,based on the bachelors.

We'll go over mutual areas of interest.

Now I have been going over your questionnaire,and it seems like your priorities are...

Well,looks.

Oh,no.

That doesn't sound like you,kitty.

No,it's me.

It's me.

It's--it's me.

Oh,sweetheart,looks fade.

You want someone intelligent who'll make you laugh,
and cultured so you can travel with him, go to the theater.

Since when do I go to the theater?

You know, Ms Walker,I just signed a client who sounds exactly like the man you're describing.

He's charming.

He's funny.

I think he's about your age,never married,so you know he's not bitter,and he's an accomplished ballroom dancer.

I think he would love to meet you.

you know what?

You'd be doing me a huge favor.

No,no,no.

No,no,no.

This is about kitty's social life.

I don't really want to intrude.

Oh,trust me,she loves to intrude.

She lives to intrude.

nonsense.

And you know what?

I love mother/daughter teams.

It's twice as much fun.

Okay.

Well,she loves contractors.

Kitty.

Nora, I feel so confident in this,
I am not gonna charge you for this consultation.

Sit down.

Sit.

Great.

Okay.

Here's what we're gonna do.

Hey.

So this is really good.

I would just change "watchdog" to "necessary vigilance."

"Protection over fear."

It's good.I like it.Sit down.

I'll go over the whole thing.

Well,you know,actually,I-- I kind of have to go.

Is it okay if we run through it tomorrow?

It's a personal matter.

Okay.

Okay,thanks.

I hope I get to meet him soon.

What?

Your boyfriend.

If you want to keep things private,you gotta avoid noreen.

Ah,yeah,thanks.

Thanks for the intel.

You know,I have to say,I was surprised to hear that you were in a relationship.

I just would have assumed you'd said something.

You know,you're-- you're fishing.

You're evading.

It's only fair.

You know all the gory details in my personal life.

Besides,what's the big secret-- is he bald,a hunchback,a member of the green party?

he doesn't exist.

I don't have a boyfriend.

I...

lied because I-- well,I had to,because everybody in this office thinks that you and I are...

they do?

They do.

But we're not.

I'm aware of that,but every time I tried to tell noreen,she thought I was lying,so--

so you had to make up another lie.

You'd be a very effective politician.

I panicked.

I was--I was nervous.

It was my first day, and I just-- you know,
I really want people in this office to respect me,

- and they're not if-- if they think
- one day,you're gonna have to come clean.

Not if I meet somebody really soon.

I called the matchmaker.

The pushy,judgmental,objectifying matchmaker?

Yeah,that would be the one.

Oh,the irony of this moment.

You know,can I just have a minute to enjoy this?

Oh,knock yourself out.

Oh,well,I can't enjoy it if you're gonna enjoy it.

Kitty,you don't have to prove yourself to the staff.

I mean,ignore 'em,or I can talk to them.

No.

No,no,no.

No.

No,no,no.

Don't.

It's fine.

You know,I don't think that the office scuttlebutt
was the only reason I called.

You know,it is hard to meet people.

Tell me about it.

I met my wife at a kegger.

I filled her plastic cup up with flat beer,and that was that.

Today,I don't have the first idea where to meet women.

If it makes you feel better,I was half-tempted to call her myself.

Really?

Well,yeah.

Yeah,that--that does make me feel better.

It's just that...

well,I have never been one to believe that
there's gonna be some knight in shining armor

who pulls up into my driveway and sweeps me off of my feet.

But,you know,I really...

I really never thought that it was gonna be this hard,either.

I-I have to go.

So thank you for not being a complete jerk about this.

Anytime.

Oh,and,uh,wish me luck.

And then I said,you know,look,I know I'm supposed to be
humble,but I'm better than that show.

I mean,I can do more than play a mafioso's son.

At least give me a disease or a multiple personality or something.

Yeah.

I can see how that would be...

frustratinG.

So finally I just said to 'em,"look,I'm not renewing my
contract," you know?

yeah?

So,kev,you got a boyfriend or something?

Uh,n-no,no,I don't.

And,uh,h-how...

how did you know I was gay?

I got a lot of gay friends.

It's so much easier hanging out,you know?

None of that alpha male weirdness.

So you're--you're not?

Gay?

Yeah.

No.

But my girlfriend's got a theory we're all a little bit gay.

Right.

Well,um,right.

Well,um...

I'm pretty much fully gay,so...

so you have a girlfriend?

Yeah, Michelle.

She's awesome.

She's out in new york right now doing a play.

You two would totally hit it off.

She loves hot gay dudes.

Always trying to convert 'em.

He uh,you into the lakers?

Uh,the-- the basketball team?

My,uh,agent got me floor seats for tonight's game.

We could go if you want,you know,grab a couple beers after.

Yeah,sure.

Cool.

Come on!

Let's go!

Come on.

Lola,come on!

Come!

Come on!

There's a good girl.

What a waste.

You're going to one of the biggest games of the season,
and I'm stuck at home.

"Stuck at home"?

Every time I turn around,you're racing to get out of here.

Yeah,but I'm exhausted.

You know,julia woke me up at 5:00 A.M.?

Not in the mood for an erotic wake-up call?

Not at 5:00 A.M.

This guy is messing with my head.

In the gay column,I have flirting,giving me shoes,lola the pug,

and in the straight column,I have girriend,lakers and use of the words "dude" and "bro."

Maybe he's bi.

No one's bi.

Have you ever met a 70-year-old bisexual?

At some point you make a choice,thus the expression,
"bi now,gay later."

Maybe he hasn't decided yet.

Well,he better decide soon.

I can't keep missing work.

My hamstrings are killing me.

I don't know how I'm gonna make it up and down all the stairs at the coliseum.

It's staples center,dumb-ass.

Who knew too much sex could make you cranky?

Wish I was cranky from too much sex.

So what are you and joe up to tonight?

We are going to a club.

Yeah.

This,um,band that joe used to love.

How very twenty something of you.

We're in serious need of fun.

The last time I heard my husband laugh was with another mom.

Another mom?

Someone feeling a little possessive?

Oh,please.

She's hardly the issue.

So this club,do they let parents in or is it seniors night?

No.

Oh,definitely no.

Oh,well,come on now.

Hey,that is my favorite date dress.

No wonder you're still single.

Kitty,you are going out with a very dynamic man.

"Dynamic" isn't some sort of code word for "deranged," is it?

God,no.

You told me you wanted handsome,and I went
above and beyond on this one.

Oh,absolutely beautiful.

Well,why does she get to wear black?

She's a woman of a certain age,and it's classic.

The earrings are wrong.

What's wrong with pearls?

Nothing,if you want to remind your date of his grandmother.

Diamonds.

Where are your diamonds?

Is this too much?

That's the one.

And for the final touch,a gift for both of you.

Chicken cutlets?

No,they're boobs,mom.

They're--they're boobs.

No,I--I'm personally very happy with my body the way it is.

Well,that's very progressive of you,but you pay
me to tell it like I see it,

and I see you both need a little help in this department.

What's wrong with kleenex?

well,because they're lumpy...

that's stupid.

And these,these are light and comfortable,and they have just the right amount of jiggle.

See,I'm wearing them right now.

Would you like to feel them?

Oh,no,no.

I'm good.

Thanks.

Oh,also you can use these for the posterior,
'cause let's face it,ladies,

what man doesn't like a little junk in the trunk?

So...

oh,well...

what do you say,girls?

Who wants to be bootylicious?

I think I'm bootylicious enough.

Uh,hi.

Excuse me,u I'm meeting someone here.

Uh,the reservation was under elise lacey.

Oh,hi.

Your date's waiting for you.

Follow me.

Oh,really?

Is...

he normal?

I wouldn't exactly say "normal."

Really?

You must be kitty.

And I'll be back to tell you about the specials in just a minute,senator.

*I never loved nobody fully...*

you know,I never would have figured you
for a silent-treatment type.

I'm not giving you the silent treatment.

I'm just sitting here carefully considering
how I can tell you off without losing my job.

You're angry.

Yes!

Yes,I'm angry.

I thought it would be a nice surprise if
you showed up and saw a friendly face

I confided in you,and you took advantage of me.

Do you know how humiliating this is?

You don't need to feel humiliated.

I am wearing a silicone ass!

I knew there was something different about you.

You know what?

No,no,no.

I don't appreciate your jokes.

I thought that you were a decent human being.

Kitty...

hear me out.

I just felt terrible that you went through all this
because my staff made assumptions about us.

So you hijacked my date.

I didn't trust elise to find anybody good enough for you,

and rather than have you sit through some
awkward meal with a complete stranger,

and me at home with my laptop and take-out thai,
I hijacked your date.

I thought you'd find it charming.

Charming?

Accept my apology.

My intentions were noble,albeit my execution was--

lame,ill-conceived,thoughtless.

All of the above,yes.

Look...

I can't date you.

I know.

But maybe you could share some red wine and a steak
with me as a friend?

Do you have your speech with you?

You want to turn this into a working dinner?

Yeah.

Yeah,I do.

I think it would make me feel better.

I already memorized it.

Good.

Then I'll excuse myself.

I'm gonna go to the ladies' room,and I'm going
to remove my new,improved butt.

And I would like you to order me a petite fillet and a wedge salad,and then we'll-- we'll get to work.

Will do.

Apology accepted.

you must be nora.

Yes.

Lawrence magill.

Very nice to meet you.

My god,look at those earrings.

Let me guess-- a karat and a half.

Uh,yeah.

Uh,are you a jeweler?

No.

I make it my business to notice beautiful things.

Yes.

Please forgive me.

I'm a little nervous about all this.

You're a virgin.

Hardly.

I-I have five children.

I mean a dating service virgin.

Oh,y--well,yes,I-I am.

Are you?

Oh,no.

I'm an old whore at this point.

Lots of first dates.

Seconds,not so much.

Uh,I think,uh,our table is ready.

We should just sit right down,I think.

Yes,thank you.

Right down to the buzzer.

That was,like,a total "sports illustrated" moment.

I actually think I got hit by kobe's sweat when he took the shot.

Nice.

You still down for hangin' out?

Sure.

Uh,do you-- you know a bar around here?

Let's skip that whole bar thing.

Too many drunken fans.

Fine by me.

At did you want to do?

Let's get out of here,take a drive up mulholland.

Mulholland?

Yeah.

My girlfriend's out of town.

I don't have a curfew.

hop in.

It'll be fun,I promise.

that-- that is a beautiful watch.

I have three sons and a brother.

I'm always looking for good gift ideas.

Where did you buy it?

Fred segal'S.

I did their christmas display last year-- an homage to 1940s' noir.

Hmm.

Lawrence,I hate to be blunt-- maybe it's my age or my
inability to be coy anymore in my life-- but are you gay?

I mean,it's fine.

I have a son who's gay,and I am a proud member of P.F.L.A.G.

Are you...

disappointed?

No!

I'm curious.

Why...

why date womomen?

I love women.

I love their companionship, their friendship.

I just want someone to go to museums,parties,take dancing.

Does that sound pathetic?

No.

No,it sounds very familiar.

if you want to call it a night,I'd understand.

No,lawrence,absolutely not.

We haven't eaten.

I'm starving to death.

You want to share an order of edamame with me?

what time did you tell the sitter?

12:00,at the latest.

Look,it's 10:30 now.

This is ridiculous.

oh,god.

Is that vomit?

Well,I don't want to get close enough to confirm or deny.

Oh,god.

This is the worst date night ever.

that's betsy

Hey,betsy.

What's up?

He is?

Well,does he have a fever?

He's throwing up.

Okay,look,we'll,um,we'll be home soon.

Thanks.

Hey,we would've had to leave early anyway.

You know,we should have just stayed home and watched a movie.

Oh,honey,you know there's another pint of
ice cream in the freezer,right?

Can't I just make out with my husband?

Yeah...

if that's all.

What's that supposed to mean?

Just I was hoping that we could take the night off.

Since when do you want to take the night off?

It's just,you know,the way you've been...

how exactly have I been?

Just very...

easily aroused.

What,like some nympho?

Like a hooker?

I can't get enough,is that what you think?

look,I'm not like some sexbot.

You can't just put a battery in me,and boom,there I go.

Even if I was 16,I-I couldn't keep up with you.

Look,all I want is some sleep-- just eight hours
of uninterrupted sleep.

you want to take a break?

You can sleep on the couch tonight and tomorrow!

Oh,god.

(Josh rouse's "jersey clowns" playing)

I feel like I'm in high school again.

Last time I was up here with some soccer player named Eli.

is something bothering you?

Am I that obvious?

The one thing you're not is obvious,chad.

I got the pages for tomorrow's shoot.

I have three lines.

Three.

I was nominated for a daytime emmy,and now they're
treating me like I was some day player or something.

Okay,we've parked at inspiration point so you can
bitch about your job?

I thought we were friends.

I don't know what we are,chad.

You give me shoes,you...

admire my body,and,uh,you know,I'm sorry,

taking a drive up to a beautiful location is,regardless of
categories,a date.

I mean,come on,man,driving me all the way up here?

Either you're gonna hack me into a million little pieces
or you're gonna kiss me.

Well,I'm not a serial killer,so...

wait.

So you are gay?

No,man.

But it doesn't mean I don't think you're hot.

Wait.

What about your girlfriend?

She doesn't mind.

I've seen her make out with tons of girls.

who am I to judge?

he shows up for his interview,and I-I swear to you,
his face did not move.

No!

N-no,no.

Not an inch.

botox?

Enough for all the ladies who do high tea at the bel-air.

Yeah,I remember my first campaign.

I didn't care about image.

I would show up at a fund-raiser in the same suit that
I wore to the previous night's fund-raiser,

and sometimes my wife and i would even bring the kids,
strapped to us those backpacks.

Sounds like fun.

No,it was.

And then we'd rush home,put the kids to bed and then stay
up all night laughing about the kind of evening we had.

Sounds like you and your wife made a really good team.

Ex-wife.

And yeah,we did,for a while.

do you miss her?

I miss the people we were back then.

And,no,I don't miss who she is now.

And I know she doesn't miss who I've become.

Well,you're not all bad.

At least you still have facial expressions.

Yes.

It's getting really late.

We should probably go....

oh,it's cold,too.

Thanks for not holding tonight against me.

Well,tomorrow you and I are gonna pretend that
this night never happened.

here they come.

Here they come.

Senator,are you dating kitty walker?

How long have you two been seeing each other?

right here.

Big smile.

cough medicine knocked cooper out.

You give paige her shot?

Yeah,she practically slept through it.

Okay.

Joe,we need to talk.

Oh,don't worry.

It's not even the original band.

The lead singer's the only one left.

Why didn't you tell me about vanessa?

What?

Vanessa.

Oh,the other day,she said,"it's nice to finally meet you,"
but you never mentioned her to me.

I didn't?

No.

Well,I didn't not mention her,if that's what you're implying.

'Cause I felt kind of out of place,you know,walking in on
you guys like that-- laughing, playing the guitar.

We were passing time while the kids played.

Is she married?

She is divorced,and she is a friend,sarah.

When did she go from being just a mom to being a friend?

I didn't know I needed permission to make a new friend.

No,you don't,joe,but I saw you.

You were...

connecting.

And don't say that you weren't,because I felt it.

Oh,come on.

We were having fun,that's all.

Well,I want us to have fun,and we don't,
not like we used to.

Wait a minute.

Was tonight about vanessa?

Maybe.

sarah,you have no idea what it's like being at home
all the time,being around kids all day.

Oh,I'm a mom,joe,and I have plenty of days
where I'm with the kids.

Yeah.

You have your job.

Being at home day after day...

gets lonely.

I thought things were getting better.

They are.

They why did I feel like the other woman when I walked in here?

sarah,you're my wife,and there is no one else that I
would rather be with.

Oh,I'm sorry,babe.

I just...

I just miss us.

Yeah.

I miss us,too.

Rise and shine,sleepyhead.

Oh,mother.

Mother,that annoyed me when I was 6.

Can you imagine how it feels now?

Just sit up and say "thank you."

all right,all right.

Thank you,mother.

Did I forget my birthday?

No,but I have gifts.

Page 4b...

page 12 of the "register," and I drove all the way
to glendale for this one,page 8.

I am having a nightmare,right?

How could elise set you up with your boss
without letting you know?

Well,mccallister called her and arranged it.

I mean,the only reason I did this stupid thing was so
that people wouldn't think we were seeing each other,

and--and now look at us!

We're plastered all over the lifestyle section.

Well,for what it's worth,at least he wasn't gay.

What?

lawrence was wonderful,really funny,easy to talk to--we're going shopping together next week-- but straight,he wasn'T.

Kitty,I'm so confused.

I went from my father's house to my husband's house
with nothing in between.

It's not like you.

Your life was always yours.

The choices you made,the life you created belong to you.

Well,I...

I thought that you always liked being home.

I did.

I did.

I would not trade a single moment of it.

But now your father's gone and all you kids are grown,
and I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.

do you remember that time your father and I went
to the spa in santa barbara?

yes,how could I forget?

He bitched about it for the next six months.

They wanted us to fast because they said that was
the quickest way to rid our bodies of all the toxins and begin anew.

I think that's what I have to do with my life.

I have to give myself some time to figure out who
I am,without having anyone else to account to.

How about we start with man-fasting?

well,elise said mother/daughter teams are twice as much fun.

To man-fasting.

And more.

It's not a bad picture.

Her hair looks great.

Yes,I know.

Elise gave it volume.

I like it.

How much of a scandal is this?

The scandal is right here,people--"chad barry has hot
night with unknown but incredibly handsome attorney."

Yeah,who's waging a valiant battle against
his ever-encroaching gut.

Nice try,but we all know you're pissed 'cause julia
kicked you out of bed.

I'm pissed you were at the game.

Tommy,I suggest flowers and chocolate and jewelry.

Listen to your mom.

She's very wise.

Sarah,how was your night with joe?

Oh,the band never came on,cooper got sick,and I
got vomit on my brand-new ankle boots.

If you want me to babysit next weekend,I can.

Thank you.

okay.

I still can't quite believe it.

It was like sleeping with a greek god.

Oh,my god.

- The size of his...
- whoa,whoa,whoa,whoa.

Mother present.

Are you gonna see this greek god again?

Boot camp's in an hour.

Yeah,if you have enough stamina left to work out.

I do.

Hi,sorry I'm late.

hey.

I brought muffins.

Yeah,I-I could go a muffin.

I'll take one for the road.

I gotta get going.

Uh,yeah,I really should get going,too.

I promised saul that I would review holly's winery proposal.

milk it for all it's worth.

you know what?

I hear the washing machine.

It's beeping.

I'll be right back.

Did I forget deodorant or something?

Um,honey,about last night...

I'm sorry.

You know I think you're the most beautiful,sexy woman in the world.

I already know how you can make it up to me.

Well,I'm ready,baby.

Wherever,whatever,you name it.

How's tonight in the living room?

I'm there.

Good,'cause I rented every single "die hard" movie,
and I got you some of that belgian beer you like.

are you kidding me?

"Die hard 3"?

Yeah,well,I didn't know.

hey.

Oh,hey.

Um,how are you-- how are you feeling today?

Fine,man.

You?

Hey,mister.

Baby.

Hi.

I thought you were gonna save me a spot.

I am.

This is,uh,kevin.

You remember I told you about him,right?

Oh,yeah,kevin,hi.

You were there for the 3-pointer.

Yeah.

Michelle just got back into town this morning.

H-how was,uh,how was new york?

They loved her,man.

She got rave reviews.

Stop bragging.

It was wonderful,thank you.

Great.

Mind if I take that spot?

I haven't seen this guy for a while.

Of course,no,no,sure.

- Absolutely. - thank you.

Hey,uh,later we should grab a smoothie or something.

Sure.

Yeah,great.

Well,what the hell is he thinking?

You tell the chairman that I'll be there.

The committee on armed
services is meeting next week.

Davids is introducing a joint resolution
calling for a freeze on military spending,

including death benefits for families of military personnel.

You saw it?

I did.

Page 4.

We should've at least got page 2.

Oh,I talked to everybody.

I told them that we're not...

no,no,I--yea I know.

Noreen told me,thanks.

I did get an earful this morning from my ex-wife--
east coast time,which is always so nice.

Did you...

want her to see us togeth?

Kitty.

Well,it just--you're just not upset at all.

I'm not.

I wanted to have dinner with you,and if I'm honest,
then,yeah,I'm glad she saw me out with a beautiful woman.

Does that make me petty?

Yeah.

But it also makes you human.

Oh,and I think I know what davids is up to.

I think he's trying to force you into defending a
budget increase,and I think he's gonna spin it around,

and he's gonna try to make you look hawkish.

Us--make us look hawkish.

You're on the team now.

Come on.

We're late for a staff meeting.

RighT.

Right.

I think that we should compile a list of all the
beneficiaries of the death benefit,

and that way,when the committee sees the actual family members

they'll have to think twice about the ramifications.

And you should definitely speak to a-a veterans group.

What about elaine berland at the "journal"?

Yeah,call her.

Call her.

She'll sink her teeth into this.

Also--and mary howard at "the post," and we should tip her,too.

You are very good.

Well,that's why you hired me.

Excellent decision on my part.

Well,I'm glad you think so.

We'll go with that one.

Thanks.

All right.

let's go,people.