Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013–…): Season 8, Episode 10 - The Last Day Pt 2 - full transcript

Previously on
Brooklyn Nine-Nine...

For Captain Holt
and Amy's last day,

I've been granted
permission to throw

a final non-holiday
associated heist.

The heist is actually
going to be
the perfect goodbye.

What does that mean?
That I'm leaving
the Nine-Nine.

It's a trip through
memorable moments from
the last eight years.

Drama, glamor,
shocking twists and turns.

The perfect goodbye
is so close,
I can taste it.

Jake.
What's up?
You okay?

Are you quitting
the Nine-Nine?



What?
I found this letter of
resignation in your locker.

Charles,
I can explain.
Don't bother.

Wait, no, wait,
Charles,
wait a second.

Seems like someone's
in the market for
a new best friend.

Bill, I swear to God.

Amy, Amy,
we've got a problem.

Charles found out
I was leaving somehow

and he got so upset
that he ran away.

I don't know where
he went. He's not
answering his phone.

Don't you have
a tracker implanted

in his brain
or something?

Amy, I would
never do that.

It's a serious
medical procedure.

Which is why
I had a doctor do it



eight years ago when
they were operating

on the bullet wounds
in Charles' butt.

Smart. Stick it in
his butthole.

Oh. I was expecting more
judgement from you.

And definitely
a different phrasing.

Anyways, I think that
the magnet suit

must've fried
the tracker,

so we gotta figure
out a different way
to find him.

What. Don't ask me.
He's your best friend.

Yes. He is my
best friend.

I know exactly
where he is.

Here. Guard this
with your life.

I'll be right back.

Sir, I've made
a terrible mistake.

I am sorry about
your pictures,
and your award,

and your computer...

And yelling that
I was wearing a wig

and then trying to tear
out my actual hair?

No. That was
a compliment.

It's so thick and full
for a man of your age.

What?
Let me handle this.

The truth is,
Lieutenant Jeffords
acted like

an irresponsible,
insane mad man.

What?
Yeah. That's what
I was thinking.

But looking at this incident
from a different angle,

it shows why he'll
make a great captain.

He's here before you
owning his mistake.

When I started
at the Nine-Nine,

I felt I had to be
seen as infallible.

But he taught me
the importance
of being seen as human.

He made me a better leader,
and you would be a fool not
to make him a captain.

Terry's touched.

Yes. Powerful words.
As are these...

Happy heisting,
suckers.

What?

Oh, you were right.
This was a wig.

No!

Hey, can I talk to you?
I have a question.

Is it "will I ever forgive
you for betraying me

"and abandoning
me in a car"?

No. I have no questions
about that interaction.
It was funny

and I'm pleased with
how it played out.

This isn't about
the heist.

What do you think
about, um, me and
Pimento as a couple?

Oh, uh...
I don't know.

You guys always made me
a little uncomfortable.

There weren't a lot
of boundaries.

Is this about that time
we smashed in your car?

You did? Which car?

All of them.
And once in your
dad's Miata.

The point is, when
Adrian and I broke up,
something felt off.

I think it's because
I wasn't out yet.

So I couldn't really
be myself with anyone.

But, I don't know.

I always thought
we would end
up together.

And now he's gone
away and... Ugh,
this is stupid.

It's not stupid.

You gotta tell him
how you feel.

He's already at the airport.
He doesn't own a phone.

I'll never
make it in time.
Yes, you will.

Another surprise reveal.

I mean, we knew
you were around.

I watched you enter.
No. You were
both shocked.

Come on.
I'll give you a ride
to the airport.

I mean,
that's nice,
but traffic.

Aw, sweet Rosa,
there's no such
thing as traffic

when you're driving in
an armored truck.

Okay. Let's do this.
I already have my keys.

Ooh, yet another
surprise reveal.

Hey, bud.

How did you know
where I was?

Because this is where
you had to be.

Because this is where
it happened.

Hey.
Hey.

Sorry to drag you
in on the weekend.

Oh, that's fine.
I don't mind
spending

a few hours with
my best friend.

I shouldn't have said that.
It was just too soon.

No. Charles,
you're my best
friend, too.

Hey, guys.
I found another leg.

Oh, how gross.

I forgot we wore those
fashion scarves for like
a month that year.

I still think
they worked.
No.

Oh, Jake,
I can't believe
you're leaving.

I mean, it's not
the Nine-Nine
without you.

I know.
But Rosa is
already gone,

and Holt and Amy are
moving on, too.

Is that why
you're doing this?

To fit in with
that crowd?

Charles, I just wanna
be there for Mac.

I get that. But this
whole thing is just
taking me by surprise.

I don't know if I can
come in to work and
do this job without you.

Are you kidding me?

I mean, maybe the you
of nine years ago
couldn't handle it.

But you're not
that person anymore.

You used to live in
your ex-wife's
husband's basement

and date
75-year-olds
and now,

you got your own house,

and Genevieve
and Nikolaj.

Nikolaj.
Nikolaj.

Nikolaj.
Nikolaj.

Nikolaj.
Why don't you just
call him Nick?

Nik...
All right. Now you're
ruining the moment.

Copy that.
Look, whether we work
together or not,

we're always gonna
be best friends
and partners.

Right. Life partners.
Best friends.

And the only reason
I didn't tell you
sooner is because

I wanted it
to be a surprise...

...that the whole
heist is actually
a set-up,

so that I can throw
the perfect goodbye.

I love that.

The plan was to
lure everyone to
the Brooklyn Bridge

and give you all gifts.
So, here's yours.

Oh.
They dummy tubes
just unscrew.

Okay.

The most recent issue of
Fancy Brudgom magazine?

You know how you always
wanted them to do

a Fancy Bedste
Venner feature on us?

Yeah. But that's just for
the fanciest best friends.

Turn to page 63.

Oh, my God,
you didn't.

You did! We're fancy
Bedste Venners.

We're Fancy
Bedste Venners.

We're Fancy
Bedste Venners.

Hey, great news.
The perfect goodbye
is back on.

And we have
a new teammate.
Really?

What even is "our team"
Because I know you gave
me a dummy tube.

Ah. And did you
find what was
inside of it?

Yeah. An egg.
And do you know why
I gave you an egg?

Because eggs suck
and you're still
mad about that

one time I beat you
at Mario Kart.

It was beginner's luck.
Just... Open it.

A necklace with
a little binder on it?

It has three tiny tabs.

One for me, one for you,
and one for Mac.

Aw!

It really bothers me
that they're not
alphabetical

but I assume
that it's functional

and I can correct them?
It is and you can.

Then I love it and I'll
treasure it forever.

Now tell me where
the real tube is,
you bastard.

I'm sorry, Ames,
but I can't do that.

You've done your part.
Now it's time to sit back

and enjoy the rest
of the show.

You're cutting me out?

This is about you wanting
fireworks, isn't it?

Oh, Amy.
It's is about so much
more than that.

It's one million
percent just about
the fireworks.

Those look very dangerous.
No. It'll be fine.

We're not gonna be
anywhere near it
when it goes off.

You control
the whole thing
from your phone.

How do you know
when it's armed?

The red light
starts blinking.
Like that one?

Uh-oh... Uh...
You know what?

This is okay.
This is okay.

I can just turn it off
using the app.

"Set up your
profile first"? Why?

How many times
am I gonna use
a fireworks app?

It started
counting down.

Name, email.
Select the squares
with stop signs in them?

Okay, Jake, we gotta go.
Is the stop light
a stop sign?

Charles, is a stop light
a stop sign?

I don't know. They both
require full stops!
Jake, come on.

All right, I'm in. No.
"Username already taken"?

Who would want to
use "Jake"?

Oh, no.

Oh, my God.
You're awake.

I can't believe it.
You're actually awake.

Hey.

Wait a minute.
What's going on?

I gotta get back
to the heist.

No. The heist?

Jake, you've been
in a coma
for seven years.

What?

Wait. What do you mean
I've been in a coma?

A firework hit you
in the head.

It caused
a destabilizing
brain injury.

Oh, my God.

Is Charles okay?
Yes.

He survived
the explosion.

But, he blamed himself
for what happened to you,
so he left New York.

He's actually the
Sheriff of a small
town in Arizona.

The town is so small
he also has to be
the school principal.

Okay, that's weird.

It's actually very
funny and surprisingly
heartwarming.

Wait, no. No, no, no.
This isn't
really happening.

I'm dreaming.
And because
this is a dream,

I'm in control.

You know who's gonna
walk through that
door right now?

Bruce Willis.

Jake, you woke up.

No! Teddy?

Amy, why is your
ex-boyfriend here?

Oh, you haven't
told him yet, babe?

Uh...
"Babe"? He called
you babe.

What... What's going on?
I'm sorry.
I know this is a lot.

No.
But the last seven years
have been really hard.

Raising Mac on my own,
never knowing
if you would wake up

and Teddy was
a great friend to me.

And couple of years ago,
we went on a trip.

It's not her fault.
We were both seduced by
the city of Tampa.

I can't believe this.
You replaced me
with Teddy?

I can never
replace you, Jake.

I just wanted Mac to have
a father figure in his life.

I come over and
we watch sports.

We're obsessed with
college swimming.

Hey, Doc,
can you put me back
in the coma?

You're agitated.
That's normal.

Tell me how
you're feeling.
Pain?

I mean, just the pain of
learning that my wife is
married to another man.

Oh, we're not married.
I'm just here
for Amy physically.

That's worse!

Okay. Let's do
some cognitive tests.

How good is your
memory from
before the accident?

Do you remember
the fireworks?

Yeah. I remember
everything.

I remember
the whole heist,

going to find Charles,
the magnet suits.

Do you remember
where you
hid the tube?

Yeah. Inside
the fake baby.

Thanks, babe.

Oh, no. It's not
the future, is it?

No. It's only been
about 40 minutes.

And this isn't
a real hospital.

You Mission
Impossible'd me.

Oh. I'm so happy
you're not having
sex with Teddy.

Damn it, we're locked in.
Who are you working with,
you coward?

I didn't do anything.

I bet this was all
Santiago's plan.

She's making a play
for the tube.

She knew you hid it
at doggie day care.

How do you know her plan?
Since I wasn't
part of the heist,

people were
sloppy around me
with their secrets.

I know everything.

For instance, I know
the real tube was inside
that creepy fake baby doll.

Why didn't you
tell me this earlier?

I was trying to be respectful
of the heisting process,

but that was before
I got screwed over.

Well, your intel
is of no use,

since we're
locked in here.

Unless you smash
your gigantic body
through the wall.

I am not
the Kool-Aid Man.
Okay.

I am more than
my muscles,
and I can prove it.

All the locks in this
building have
a magnetic release

in case of a fire.

If we could
overload the circuit,
they'll unlock.

We just need to connect
the positive terminal
of one outlet...

...to the negative
of the other using
this circuit board

and a low
resistance wire.

Luckily,
I came prepared.

Do suspenders
conduct electricity?

Oh, the gold thread.

Now, we are
about to overload
the circuit.

Bingpot.

When did you
have time to
build all this?

Oh, I had it
prefabbed months
ago and I set it up

while you were
looking for Charles.

You planted the resignation
letter in my locker,
so Charles would find it.

Yup. And I knew
you'd want to show
off the fireworks.

The fireworks
that I sold you.

You're Kristaps?

I gotta stop
falling for that.

But wait,
if everything was fake,
what knocked me out?

Oh, no.

What are you doing?
I know, Charles.

But there's something
I have to tell you.

I locked Charles
in a supply closet.

I have but two things
to say to you.

One, thank you.
I've always wanted
to be chloroformed.

And two, how dare you?

Sorry, babe,
but I play to win.

That was super cool.

I hate how attracted
I am to you right now.

It worked so well.
On to phase two.

Thanks for doing
that, Teddy.

I am really glad
that we could
be friends again.

Of course.
I'll always be
here for you.

Which is why I have
a question to ask.

Oh, no.
Amy Santiago,
will you...

No! I am married
to Jake.

And I am married
to Elizabeth.
It's perfect.

Plus, you just betrayed him.
You guys are obviously
having issues.

No! I only betrayed
him to pull off
my secret plan.

I am throwing him
the perfect goodbye.

And it has to be
a surprise.

Fine. But if you
think I'm just
gonna sit around

and wait for you
to change your mind...

You're right. I will
be parked outside
for two more hours.

Hello. Hello!
Is there anyone here?

Melipnos.
No.

Yeah. You played
violin at my wedding.
You're Melipnos.

No. My name is Jerry.
Jerry Barfralatistan.

What? It doesn't matter.
I need your help.

Can you please hand me
the keys that
are down there?

Yeah, yeah. Yes.

Thank you.
I love keys.

Oh.
And this is for you.

What?

As they say in my country.
A chicky for a key.

Right. And what
country is
that again?

Honolulu.
Okay.

You know, if it's all
the same, I'd really just
rather have the key.

You no want chicky?
I don't want key.

Oh, perfect. Yes.

Thank you, Melipnos.
No. It's Jerry.

Barkakanatsan.

I feel like maybe you
said it a little different
the first time.

There you are.
My cheating wife.
Give me the tube.

I don't have it.
The baby is empty.
You lied to me.

I'm not the liar.
You're the liar.

I've put a tracker in
the tube, so I know
you've hidden it

somewhere in this...

Nope, you're
telling the truth.

It's on the move.
Someone else has it.

It doesn't matter
what you do, Ames,

you're not gonna
ruin this for me.

Sorry Jake,
but I'm afraid
I have to.

You'll thank me later.

Wait. What does that mean?
I know what it means.

I heard you talking
to Teddy outside
the supply closet

you locked me in.

Damn it!
How did you get out?

Melipnos.

Amy is throwing you
the perfect goodbye.

Over my dead
butt crack she is.

Although thank you.
That was a very
nice thought.

Now drive!

Go! Go! Go!

They're going
for the tube.
Follow them.

What are you doing,
Scully?

Everybody left the
precinct and I was
scared to be alone.

Come on.

Pull over.
We're here.

Okay. According
to the tracker,
it's close.

Let's just agree
that we're
gonna pick it up

and head
to the Brooklyn Bridge.

Yeah, I agree.
That you can suck it.

We will end up
at Shaw's.

Which is actually
a meaningful
final location.

Are we too late?
Did you get the tube?
No.

It's somewhere
in this building.

Brooklyn
Storage Solutions.

Wait a second.
I know this place.

Yes. This is where
we worked our first case
with Captain Holt.

That's right.
It's a meaningful
location.

Tonight is my
victory lap.

I planned
the perfect goodbye.

You have got
to be kidding me.

You see,
the whole heist
was a ruse

for the perfect
goodbye I planned.

I mean, it wasn't
that perfect.

A real perfect goodbye
would've had...

Sentimental gifts
for everyone.

Damn it!
Just tell us
how you did it.

Everything hinged
on Jeffords.

I needed him
to drop out
of the heist

so he'd have access
to everyone's secrets.

Which is why I set up
a fake interview for him.

You were working
with Williams?

But he locked
us in his office.

Which was critical
to me gaining your trust,

so you'd tell me
where the tube was hidden.

Terry's reeling.

Armed with
that information,

I texted Kevin,

who retrieved
the tube
and handed it off

to a person
who lured
you all here.

And that person
was a dog,

and that dog was...
Cheddar.

Hold up.
That big speech

about how I'd make
a great captain.
That was all a lie?

No, no. I meant
every word of it.

In fact,
it's exactly
what I said

to the real Williams
two weeks ago.

It's part of the reason
he decided to make you...

...the new captain
of the Nine-Nine.
Wait. What?

Is this fake, too?

Y'all need
to cut the
and be honest with me.

This is my life
we're talking about.

You want to know
if it's real?
Open your gift.

And find out.

A bag of fish?

What? No. It's supposed
to be your captain's bars.

The fish
are my present
to Scully.

They're the kind
that eat the dead skin
off your feet.

Ooh. They're
gonna have
a feast tonight.

But wait,
that's not
Terry's bars.

What's in
the real tube?

Wireless headphones?

They're AirPods.
They're my gift
for everyone.

What? But you told me
not to get people AirPods.

You said
everyone already
has headphones.

Yeah, so you
wouldn't buy them,

and I would get
all the glory.

Wow.
Great gift, Amy.

Come on!
But if I don't have
the winning tube,

who does?

I do.

Yet another
surprise reveal
again.

So our plan was simple.
The best way to win
is to sit back,

watch everyone else,
and then choose
your moment.

But to do that,
I needed people
to think I was gone.

That's a trick
she learned from me...

...during
the fourth heist,

universally considered
the best heist.

You were so eager to think
I'd drop everything
and chase after Adrian.

So you don't want
to end up with Pimento?

No. But you believed it.
Because you all think

for someone to be happy,
their story has to end
with marriage and kids.

I mean, I believed it,
because you told me,
and I trust you.

Whatever, breeder.
Anyway, with nobody
watching me,

I was able to figure out
what Holt was up to.

And then I had
my other partner
intercept Cheddar.

Who's that?
It's me.

Bill.

Surprise reveal.

So let's crown me.
The grand champion
of the Nine-Nine.

A six month subscription
to the Rosetta Stone?

That's my present
for Peralta.

Your present to me
is school? I'm glad
you're leaving.

All right.
Who has the real tube?

I do.

What are
you doing, Bill?

I'm sorry,
but this is your fault
for ending the heist.

They're my
only source
of income.

You're still
my best friends.
Goodbye.

Bill!
He's gone.

We're trapped.
Pardon me,

Excuse me. Did you
say we're trapped?

Who the
hell are you?

You don't recognize
Caroline Saint-Jacques
Renard?

The associate
principle cellist

for the Berlin
Philharmonic?

She's my
surprise celebrity.

Are you kidding me?
You ruined
my big goodbye

to the Nine-Nine
so we could listen
to some nerd

play a giant violin?

Oh, shall I begin?
No.

Wait, wait, wait.
Did you say your goodbye
to the Nine-Nine?

Where are you going?

Uh...

Well...

I was hoping
that this would be
a more dramatic moment,

accompanied by fireworks,
but...
I'm leaving the NYPD.

You are?
What?

Seriously?

For real?
Yeah. Today was
my last day.

And now,
it looks like

it's going to end
with all of us locked
in a storage facility.

No, it's not.

Can't you see?
You all want
the same thing.

A perfect goodbye.

But you're all getting
in each other's way.

We are the Nine-Nine.
And we work best together.

And we're getting out
of here together.

So we're going
to find that tube,
and we're gonna

be crowned
grand champions

of the Nine-Nine,
together.

Except for the ugly
one that made
fun of my cello.

Not now, Caroline
Saint-Jacques Renard.

I agree with Jeffords.
Read the room,

Caroline Saint-Jacques
Renard.

Great speech Terry,
but we're kind of
trapped in here.

Not for long.

I'm going to Kool Aid Man
us the hell out of here.

I thought you said
that was impossible.

It's not.
I just find it
demeaning.

It's actually very easy.

Oh!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yes!
Now go through
that wall.

I'm not doing
any more walls, Jake.
We're free.

Fair enough.
I had to ask.

All right, I got
Bill on the GPS.

Huh. That's weird.

What?
Where'd he go?

Are you sure
he came back
to the precinct?

The tracker
must be broken.
There's no one here.

Wrong, Captain.

I'm here.

Michael Hitchcock,
the grand champion
of the Nine-Nine.

Hitchcock?

Well.

This doesn't
feel right.

I bet you're all wondering
how I pulled it off.

Not really,
but I guess
that's a tradition.

The key to the whole plan
was that I never really
retired or moved to Brazil.

I've been living
in the Beaver Trap
this whole time.

Okay, but what was
the rest of the plan?

Oh, we had not
come up with it.

But then Bill came by
and offered to sell me

the tube for 40 bucks.
And I won.

Pretty good stuff.

Now, crown me.

This stinks.

Okay. Michael
Hitchcock,

you are
an amazing
human/genius,

and the grand
champion of
the Nine-Nine.

Why is your head
so sweaty?

Oh, because that's
actually butt skin

from a botched
hair transplant,
so there are more pores.

I can't believe
this is how it ends.

With Hitchcock's
sweaty butt head.

I told myself
I wouldn't cry.

Ah, Jake.
Sorry you didn't get
your perfect goodbye.

Yeah.

This whole thing
did kind of turn into
a scalding hot mess.

But, to be honest,
I think I just wanted
a big, dramatic moment

so that I wouldn't
feel sad.

Because goodbyes
are inherently sad.

They mean that something
is ending. And this one
is especially sad.

Because what we had
was so great.

But it's not
all sad. Right?

We're moving on
to things that we love,

and we'll always
have the memories
of our times together.

Even though Hitchcock
won the heist,
which makes me so mad

I want to swallow
my own tongue and die.

It's a disgrace.

Anyways, I say we hang
out, have a drink
and enjoy all of us

being together
one last time.

To the squad.

To the squad.

You just
drank cement!

Why?

Hey, can I talk
to you for a sec?

I just want you
to know
that I don't care

if you end up
with anyone or get
married or whatever.

I just want you
to be happy.

I am happy.
I'm making a difference,

I've got great friends.
Also, I'm moving in
with my girlfriend, Debra.

She is amazing.
She makes me
feel whole.

Oh, really?
Oh, my God,
this is too easy.

No, I don't want
to settle down.

Right.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.

It's fine.
I'm just messing
with you.

It's crazy you're
leaving. We spent
a lot of time here.

Yeah, we did.

I'm really happy
it was with you.

Same here.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Hey, Boyle. I'm glad
you're sticking around.

I'm going to be
depending on you a lot.

You've got it,
Captain. For diet
and exercise tips.

What? No.

To solve cases.
My body's fine.

Nice. It's a very
healthy attitude.

Hey, guys.
Can I be real?

I just took
a bunch of diamonds
from the evidence locker.

No one ever
changed the code.
Anyway, toodaloo.

Was she
being real?

I honestly can't tell.

I missed you, bud.
I missed you, too.

Mmm.
You got wing sauce
on your collar.

I left it there
for you.

So, you're leaving.

It must have been
a hard decision.

Honestly...

...it wasn't.
It's funny.

On my first day here,
I asked Jeffords
to tell me about everyone.

He told me you were
a great detective,

but the one thing
you couldn't figure out

was how to grow up.

Well, I think you
finally figured it out.

Well, thank you, sir.

I couldn't have done it
without you.

Over the years,
you've sometimes referred

to me as something
of a father figure.

Did I? I didn't
realize that.

But I want you to know,
if I had had a son,

and he had turned
out like you...

I would be very
proud of him.

Thank you, sir.

Wow. Wasn't expecting
to get this emotional.

It's not bad for
an old robot, huh?

Beep-borp. Zeep.

Sir, did you
just make a joke?

I believe I did.

Yes, I guess in the end,
we've rubbed off
on each other quite a bit.

Title of your
sex movie.

Did I do that right?

It was perfect.

Guys, I hate
to say it,
but it's late,

and some of us
have to work tomorrow.

Well, I guess
this is it.

So long,
Nine-Nine.

Hey!
What are you doing?

You can't turn off
the lights at a working
police precinct.

Right. Sorry.
I got caught up
in my own thing.

There we go.

Shaheen and Dunn,

you're on the Prospect
Park tagger.

Gates, Nahar, remember
to check in with Forensics.

Boyle, Larkin.

I want you working
the J Street Axe Murder.

Ooh, we're
the butcher bimbos.
Nope.

The butcher babes?
Nope.

Detective Boyle
and his little
butcher buddy.

Oh, I like that.
Now that
that's been sorted,

are there any questions?

Yes!
I have a question...

...Captain Jeffords.

Are you ready
for the Halloween heist?

What are you doing,
Peralta?

Last year was
the final heist.

We all agreed
it was over.

Oh, Terry,
you jolly simpleton.

That was obviously
a ruse.

I mean, did you
really think
I was going to let

Hitchcock win
the last heist?

That would be crazy.

Hitchcock?
It would've been
unforgivable.

That's true.
It felt wrong.

I know someone who's in.
The old janitor,
which is actually me,

Deputy Commissioner
Raymond Holt.

And he's not the only one.
I'm in, too.

Me too.

As am I.

Gina Linetti.

That's right, Terry.
This is happening every year.

We're in each other's
lives forever, whether
you like it or not.

So what do you say,
Captain?

Are we doing this?

What I say is...

Nine-Nine!

Nine-Nine!