Breeders (2020–…): Season 3, Episode 1 - No Direction Home - full transcript

Hi. What do you think?

I think he's everything
I've ever wanted.

Oh, motherfucking... Be
fucking reasonable, you prick!

I see for next time what to do.

My job, Mummy's job, is
to keep you and Ava safe.

That's like our only job.

It's what mums and dads are for.

Shut the fuck up
with the splashing!

I just want what's
best for the kids.

The bottom line is, I don't want
the kids to turn out like me.

- I don't want them to turn out...
- Like you?

Fuck off! It would be fantastic

if they turned out
like me, I'm great.

Leo's mom told me
you were smoking

- in their gazebo.
- What's a gazebo?

I don't fucking know, do I?

We were never gonna
be the Waltons.

I don't need us
to be the Waltons,

I'll make do with the
Munsters at this point.

Or the fucking Manson Family.

At least they had
a shared interest.

- I'm not angry.
- I'm angry!

If you're looking for someone
who's angry, I'm fucking angry!

Just chill out a little bit.

No, I'm chill. I'm
just the Chablis.

You're the unchill one.

Screw you, Luke,

and this fucking attitude.

None of this stuff was in
the baby manual, was it?

This isn't bath temperatures.

Or mixing formula.

Where is our fucking manual now?

I would die for
those kids, Ally.

But often, I also
wanna kill them.

What the fuck is
wrong with you, Luke?

I'm asking you a question. What
the fuck is wrong with you?

No, I'm sorry,
I'm not stopping.

- He needs a poo.
- I do need a poo.

The thing is, mate, you
often, really often,

say that you need one, and it
turns out to be a false flag.

We should stop at the
services. Be on the safe side.

- We'll miss the ferry.
- We can get the next one.

Mm-mm. Not necessarily. We're
meant to be on the 2:15,

right? That's our booking.
Also, if we do stop,

he won't be able to go.

I can 100 percent
guarantee that.

- I'll poo!
- Yeah, I know you will, my darling.

We can always rely
on you to poo.

It's much appreciated.

I'd pop one out too, to be fair.

- Come on, Paul.

- Come on, there's still time.
- I'll do another one.

- Oh! He's green!
- The Hulk.

- No!
- No, no.

He's an ogre. Lives in a...

- Shrek! Yes!
- Yes! Yes!

- Time's up.
- What... Oh, fuck...

Luke, how many
was that? Was it six?

- Eight!
- Eight!

- Yes!
- Fighting tall.

All right, Mum, you'll go.

All right... it's
gonna be amazing.

- Right. Three, two, one. Go!
- Three, two, one. Go!

- Okay.
- Right.

War, war man. Big war man.

- Brave heart?
- No.

Owen. Spartacus.

- No, he won the war.
- Well, Spartacus won.

- No, he didn't.
- Morally.

- Focus, Mum!
- I am focused! He won, didn't he?

- Do the voice.
- He didn't. It was a rebellion.

- Do the voice...
- But this is like a war? Similar?

"Never in the
field of human conflict."

Do a cigar, mime
a fucking cigar...

Babies! All
babies are like him!

- Winston Churchill!
- Yes!

Oh, no! No. Right,
how many did I get?

- One.
- No.

Well, I'm gonna write 100...

That's because you spent the
whole time going on about Spartacus.

Very good!

- That's it! Spartacus.
- Sure.

Well, I think
it's safe to say I won.

- Really? Did you, though?
- All right, smarty.

Yeah, because
it says it there.

- Maybe it's wrong.
- Should we do that again?

I think I've learned how to do
it. Think I'm gonna be amazing.

- Right, you won.
- It's all about the winning.


You mean it's infinitely
fucking better without me.

You've been in like...

No, but you got
two and I got eight...

Oh, you need
seven more. Seven more.

We probably we
should get more so...

Yeah, It's kind of weird.

Uh, being in two separate
places, sharing one car.

It's all a bit
odd. It really is.

Peculiar. We're
not judging, Paul.

It is a peculiar set-up.

Your son won't allow you
to live in your own house.

No. It's more complicated
than that, Dad.

Right. I see.

Look, I'm choosing, currently,

to stay at Leah's while
she's on honeymoon,

so that Luke has a chance
to sort himself out.

As you know, he and I have
had a weird time a bit.

- He punched you.
- He did punch me, yeah.

- He didn't mean it.
- I think he might have, Mom.

But at the moment, you're not
allowed through your own front door?

It's not a question of being
"allowed" through the door.

It's like the parable of
the Three Little Pigs.

- Is it?
- No, it's not, when I think about it.

You're not threatening to blow
the house down and cook Luke.

No, but anyway,

the Three Little Pigs
isn't a parable, is it?

No, no, it's not, is it?

No. I can't really
see Jesus Christ

preaching about a little
pig's chinny-chin-chin.

Well, he was Jewish
wasn't he, Jesus?

So pigs would have
been persona non grata.

Fucking hell.

The Three Billy Goats Gruff,

I can imagine Jesus
telling that one.


Yeah. Hmm.

Is that Hawaii?

up! It's coming out!

Okay, okay. Well, I need
to park the car, don't I, Luke?

- Hurry up!
- Go. I'll take Ava

to get some sweets or something.

Please! It's happening!

Yeah, all right!
All right, fuck sake.

Bag! Get your bag!

Bag, all right, yes.

Can everybody just stop
fucking panicking, please?

Right! On we go! Let's go!

You all right? Just
hold it a minute. Okay.

I know you can hear me.

I just want to say that

even though it looks like
we're all pretty happy here...

I'm not.

I'm not happy here.

It just doesn't feel like
my home without you in it.

I just want you to come back.

I love you, Dad.

Ava! Bed! Come on!


I can't go.

Have you got my
Lovers' Rock play list?

It helps me poo.

Yeah, sure, it's on my phone.

- One sec, mate, just looking for it in my bag, all right.
- Thanks, Dad.

I thought you were desperate.
I thought it was coming out?

It's gone back in again.

Has it?

Oh, fuck.

Luke, I'm really sorry, mate,
but my phone's in the car.

- No!
- Well, we were rushing, weren't we?

You were about to go off
like a fucking dirty bomb.

I'm sorry, I thought
it was in my bag.

Can you go get it?

No, I can't leave you
here on your own, can I?

Could you sing one of the songs?

- Could I?
- From my play list.

It really helps me poo.

Could you sing "Night Nurse"?

No. I can't do that, I'm sorry.


Could you sing
it like the man sings it?

Mate, I am not doing
the fucking accent.

- Hey.
- Oh. Thanks.

I'm sorry. That I couldn't...

No, I couldn't either.

It just felt wrong

trying to have sex at
your mother's house.

It's Shakespearean.

It'll be nice to have sex
in our actual house again.

No, I know.

You realize how unhappy Ava is

with this whole mad arrangement?

- Has she told you that?
- Kind of, yeah.

I know that you all looked
like you were happy,

when you were playing the game,

with the phones on
your foreheads...

- What?
- The name game. You were Winston Churchill.

- How do you know about that?
- Huh?

- Because the...
- What?

That little security... Yeah, because
the security camera that we had put in

after Leah was burgled.

Fuck. Were you spying on us?

I'm not spying. Spying. Viewing.

Was Peering. Not peering...

- Fucking hell, Paul.
- I know. But I just wanna feel

like I'm still part of
this family. All right?

And at the moment, it feels like
you're all better off without me.

I haven't seen Luke
laugh like that for ages.

- I get it.

Look, let's try a meal, let's

you know, have our tea together
as a family in our house,

and see how it goes.

I'll speak to Luke.

- Oh, will you speak to Luke?
- Yeah.

Ally, can't you see, this
is absolutely mental.

- Letting Luke have this much power. He's 13.
- No, I know it's odd...

Christ, I have
swallowed every belief,

every instinct that I've got in
order to make this work right,

but I'm sorry, I need to be able
to be in my own fucking house.

I am not the big bad
wolf. I'm not a troll

under the Billy Goats' bridge...

- What?
- Nothing.

- You know what I mean.
- I do.

Fucking troll.


What do you want to drink?

- Uh, mango juice.
- Mango juice.

I don't think they've
got any mango juice.

Yes, there is. At the back.

At the back.

Oh. Aha.

Here, I've hunted one
down like a cave woman.

Ava? Ava!


Ava? Has anyone seen a child on
their own? A little girl on her own?

Ava! Sorry, um, have
you seen my daughter?

She's got brown hair, she's about
7, she's wearing a pink jacket.

Has anyone seen a
child on their own?

Have you seen my daughter? She's
7 years old, she was on her own.

Ava! Ava! Ava! Ava!


- Thanks again, Dad.
- You are welcome, mate.

I'm glad it works.

Did the other men
give you a funny look?

Eh... yeah, a bit of a funny
look. But, you know, sod 'em.

Yeah! Sod 'em.

Jesus. Six missed
calls from Mum?

It's very nice, thank you.

So, Luke, you doing engineering?

That's... That's great.


Really good.

It's all computer
modeling these days.

No big spanners or
hissing boilers.


And I mean, I can
still do History,

the lessons don't clash, so.


Well, an engineer in the family.

Oh! That'll do.

Or a historian. You
know, either works.

It's good to have you
back in the house, Dad.

Thank you.

It is lovely to be
back just for a bit.

Oh, Paul, I'm going to need
the car again on Monday,

so could you drop it off tomorrow
and then get an Uber back to Leah's?

Sure, yeah.

Or I was thinking

that maybe I could
stay here tonight?

Right. Luke?


- You okay?
- Yeah.

I mean, that's weirdly

Maybe this evening
actually worked.

Maybe I'm a genius.

- Eh... maybe.

keep scanning the screens,

see if you can spot Ava.

I should be out there searching.

Our whole team is
out there, sir.

I'm gonna go out there now...

are being monitored.

Every area is being
methodically searched.

Now, you say she was wearing
a pink top and blue jeans.

- Uh, yeah. Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.

Wait a minute. Wait a
minute. That girl there.

No, no... she hasn't got
one of those jackets.

- Is Ava going to be okay, Dad?

- Has someone kidnapped her?
- No, no, no.

Nobody's done that, no.

Okay, I don't understand why you're
not shutting everything down?

- You should be shutting down.
- They have procedures, Paul.

Okay, how's this for procedure?
Seal the exits, right?

Search every square
inch of the place.

I realize this sort of thing probably
happens here every single day,

but I don't care, because
this is our little girl.

So where is our little girl?

I do want to wear it.

Well, you shouldn't
have lost it.

These jackets cost
a lot of money.

No, they don't.

No, they don't, but
we need to be able

to pick you out
in a crowd. Okay?

We don't want you going missing.

Now, on you get.

Twenty-six, 27, 28, 29...

Jack, don't push your face up
against the window. Thank you.

Twenty-nine, 30, 31...

We are 30, right?
I've not gone mad?

30. Yeah. Three zero.

Right, okay.

I think we might have
picked up a stowaway.

Funk off!

We should get
bowls. We're not animals.

No, bowls are bourgeois.
We're keeping it real.

I bet this is how Karl
Marx used to eat ice cream.


Him and Engels having a
sleepover in their jim-jams.

- Luke?
- I've rung for a taxi.

I'm staying at Jacob's.

- You what?
- Nothing's changed.

I can't be in the same house as
you. I've already told you this.

No, I'm sorry, Dad, but I
need to stay somewhere else

if you're coming back.

Luke, unpack your bag, okay?

I'll go back to Leah's
and you can stay here.

- No, Dad.
- No, listen,

he needs to be at home, darling.

- Well, I need you to be at home.
- I'm sorry.

Luke, go and unpack your bag
and get ready for bed. Yeah?


Hi. Just double-checking
you're not a burglar.

- Nope, I'm definitely not a burglar.
- Great.

Although that's precisely the
sort of thing a burglar would say.

True. Although I guess a burglar

doesn't generally sort
out your recycling.


We're just being
extra curtain twitchy

because Leah's house
was broken into.

No, of course, yeah, I'm Paul,

Leah's son-in-law.

I'm staying here 'cause... um...

Yeah, I'm house-sitting,
just keeping the place warm

while Leah and Alex
are on honeymoon.

Nice to meet you. I'm Gabby.

Ah, I wouldn't say that.

- Oh, you're making a joke.
- Yeah, of course.

So, are you here for
the next couple of days?

Yeah. I think now I'm... definitely
here until they get back.

Just rattling around on my own.

Oh, if you're at a
loose end tomorrow,

my sister's coming for
lunch. And our parents

were supposed to join
us but they can't now

and so, I've massively

You'd be very
welcome to join us.

- Where are you? Are you here?
- Yeah, just there.

Well, thank... yeah.
Thank you very much.

Yeah, that sounds
lovely. I'd love to go.

- Wonderful.
- Okay.

Okay, around 1:30?

1:30. Yeah, sure.
I'll bring some wine?

No need. But, yes,
please do. A nice one.

Yeah, I'll spend
well over four quid.

- Fancy.
- Yes.


Ava, sweetheart, we were
so worried. Oh, my God.

Okay. Ava, what the hell
were you playing at?

Running off like that.

Jesus Christ. What
have we told you?

Answer me, what
have we told you?

You never do that again!

You got it? Ever!

We thought you were dead!

Do you understand me?

We thought someone had taken you

- and you were dead!
- Dad?

You never do that again. Okay?

Right, should we go and
be late for this ferry.

Let's go.

- It really is.
- Really?

- It actually is.

- How do you know that?
- I read it.

- Really?
- On Google.

Yes, if it melts.
Completely fat.

These roast potatoes
are Michelin-star gab.

I've done far too many though.

There's no such thing as
too many roast potatoes.

Eh? No, I could eat
roast potatoes...

I mean, I think I could eat
them continually, forever.

Until my inevitable death
from, I don't know...

- Blight.

That would be embarrassing on
your tombstone, wouldn't it?

This is very good
wine for 4 pounds.

I think legally you need to
call it "wine-style drink."

- 4 pounds?
- It's an in-joke.

- Haven't you two just met?
- More?

No, I'm good, thanks, I
need to drive in a bit.

So, any other siblings?

No, it's just us. We've
always been close.

No, actually, I
hated you for a bit

when I was a teenager, didn't I?

See, my two are
at that stage now.

My boy's 13 and Ava's 10,

but they still seem to
be mates, just about.

I hope. For now.

I haven't, uh

yeah, I haven't spent that
much time with them, lately.


Are you separated?

No, no, it's just, um,

families, innit?

- It's complicated.
- Oh, God, yeah.

Don't get me started
on my divorce.

- Okay then, we won't.

- Can I go now?
- Sure.

Is everything okay?

Ava? Ava?


No, of course it isn't.

Of course, it's not okay.

Dad's not here. And
that makes me really sad

but no one cares
because I'm not Luke

and Luke is the only
one that matters.

- That is not true.
- You know that having Dad here

makes my anxiety worse.

I don't care about your anxiety.

Great. Thanks.

Why does it always
have to be about you

and your stupid anxiety?

Why is it always
about your feelings?

Maybe other people are
anxious and depressed

but we don't whine
and whinge about it.

Ava, Luke's anxiety is as
real as any other illness

- and calling it "whining" is...
- I'm sad, Mom. I'm miserable.

I hate my life.

But that doesn't matter
because you're on Luke's side.

- No, you are being silly.
- Oh, I'm being silly,

and he's having deep feelings.

Why are you behaving like this?

Right. Because I'm normally
the good one, the quiet one.

Don't worry, I'll go
back to being silent.

Can I go now?

Yeah. Of course.

Looks like we're going to make
the ferry. So that's good.


- Hi.
- Hi.

I'm not stopping, I'm
just leaving the car keys

and getting an Uber
back to Leah's.


Look, I'm sorry. That
all of this is going on.

Ava's really upset.

Well, it doesn't have
to go on, does it?

Um, yeah, it does.

Yeah. For how long, though?

Um, one month? Six
months? Forever?

I don't know. I just can't live

with the rage any more.
It's been years of it.

- Years of it?
- Yes, years.

At home, on holiday,
trips out, at the shops,

I always seemed
to make you angry.

- What time? We used to go there a lot.
- We went there four times.

In theme park terms
four times is a lot.

The first time we went
there, I wanted a lolly

and you queued up for 15 minutes

and then I said you got the wrong
lolly, and then I dropped the lolly.

And I got angry. Yeah.
And to be fair, mate,

that would have made Gandhi
flip his fucking lid.

No, but it was the
level of your rage.

When you were focused in on me it
felt like you wanted to kill me.

Well, that's not how I
remember it, Luke. Really.

I remember getting
proportionately angry at you

for being unbelievably
annoying over a fucking lolly.

- I'm not trying to get at you.
- No?

I'm just trying to explain
what it's like to be around you

when you react in
the way you do.

Like that time when Ava went
missing at the service station.

- Oh...
- When she was finally found,

Mum's first reaction
was to hug her...


Yours was to shout at her.

- I remember it so clearly.
- Do you?


And that's your only memory
from that day, is it?

That's the only thing you
remember? There's nothing else?

No. But it's a pretty
massive memory.

Yeah. It is.

Yeah, it is.

My car's nearly here,
mate, I'm gonna go.


See you soon. Take care.