Boy Meets Girl (2009–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Episode #1.3 - full transcript

What was his name, Miss Burton?
That WAS Danny Reed!

You arrested him, then let him go!

It's me, babe! It's me!
The craziest thing's happened to me.

You're all mad!

You've got all this money and nice
clothes and everything you want!

And you're all
just completely screwed up!

They won't believe me so I'm going
to clean myself up and start lying.

I feel like I really know you.
I feel the same way.

Is there someone else?
Not exactly.

Oh, God. I want to tell someone,
I really do.

You can tell me.



VERONICA!

If ever I see you two round here
again, you're dead. All right?

You want to gawp at something?
Have a gawp at me!

I'm a real woman! This
is what a real woman looks like.

RADIO: # ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA:
Sweet Talkin' Woman

Do you want honey on your toast?

Or shall I just smear
it all over your sexy body?

DANNY: Never do that again.

Babes, it's good to have you back.

Um... Is there anything
I can get you?

Um...I'm not hungry. I've got to go,
actually. I've got an early meeting.

You seemed a bit worried
about work last night.

I'M A MA-!

CRASH!



I'm fine. It...It's fine.

Are you sure?
Absolutely.

There is something I need to
talk about. It happened last night.

I'm sorry. I've really got to go.

We really need to -
DOOR CLOSES
- talk.

No. Reed. R-E-E-D.

I don't know which ward.

I'm asking
if you have a patient by that name.

I'm looking for Daniel Reed.

Has he come in
asking for his old job back?

PHONE RINGS

I've kicked Ali out.
I've dumped him, V.

HORNS TOOT

Have you passed your test, love?

Bloody women drivers!

You want to argue about my driving?
Fine.

Get out here and we'll sort it.

But I'm not a bloody woman,
all right?

HORNS TOOT

The psychiatrist thinks
we should refer you
to a unit that can help you.

So we're handing you over to them.

No, please.
Don't worry. They're here to help.

Ah.

What do you want?
You, Veronica Burton.

I can't be without you.
I don't want her any more.

Save it, Ali.
I know she's dumped you.

No. It was mutual. We're over.
We've been going nowhere.

Get off my car, you tosser.

How do you think Siobhan
would feel if she found out?

Do your worst. I don't care.

I can't stand her
any more than I can stand you!

You don't mean that, Veronica.

Veronica, this is ridiculous.

Stop calling me Veronica!

I'm not Veronica.
Can't any of you see that?

Is it not blindingly obvious?

DANNY: Oh, God, I can't go in.

I can't do this any more.

Why didn't you say
you'd had an accident?

Was Danny there? Is that how
you know him? Was he in that van?

He was, wasn't he?

OK.

Do you really want to know?
Yeah, I do.

Even if the truth
scares the shit out of you

and your instinct
is not to believe it?

Will you start talking some sense?

OK. Then promise to believe me.

All right. I promise.

You know I owe Barry money.

He said I had to do a job for him.

There was this big storm
and this woman came over.

I think her car had broken down.
Look, stop messing me about

and just tell me what happened.
OK.

I'm...Danny.

I got hit...by lightning and
I woke up in...in hospital and...

and this is freakishly weird.
Now I'm this woman!

And I know.
I know what you're thinking.

But I'm telling you, mate,

Peter Gordon Faherty
of 27 Greystein, Rosewood.

I'm telling you, it's true.

He might have trusted you.

But I don't.

You're a maniac.
What have you done to him?

Pete! I'M Danny!

Stop saying that.

How would I know all this otherwise?

Don't you think, if he'd had met
a fashion journalist in a pub,

don't you think he'd have told you?

You hate the smell of bacon.

You love The Empire Strikes Back

but The Return of the Jedi makes
you angry because it's so rubbish.

You don't like
your mother's new boyfriend.

Your sister
has an irrational fear of cats.

Stop it.

You should have been a police
officer but you failed the exams

and you were too lazy to reapply
and you got bitter about it.

When Naomi left you,

you said you'd never let a girl
hurt you like that again.

You didn't tell anyone else that.
Just me.

Pete! It's me!

You've got to help me!

I'm having a nightmare.

It's awful!

Morning, Veronica.
Will you stop calling me that?

Veronica. My office. Now.

You can say what you want to say
out here.

I'd sooner spare you the indignity.

Oh, what's the point?

I'm fired, aren't I?

Well, it doesn't matter
cos I can't do it anyway.

I'm lost and I'm stuck
and this isn't me.

And I don't want to do it
for another second.

Oh, and believe me,
I've been trying.

Boy, have I been bloody trying.

The shoes, the hair,
the make-up, the boyfriend,

the white wine spritzers,
the fashion shows,

the tedious, endless nothing.

I've done my best
but I can't do it any more.

That's enough, Veronica.
No, it's not.

I've got something
I need to tell you!

I'm not Veronica Burton!

I'm a man!

And I've been...trapped

inside this woman's body
since that accident

and now I want it to stop!

I work at the DIY store
in Landon Road.

I live in Rosewood.

My name is Danny Reed!

And I need you to help me
get back to where I belong.

Please!

Oh!
SIREN

Um...

So let me get this right.

You're...a man who's been missing
and the police are looking for.

Yes.

Don't you see how it might explain
a lot that was weird?

How I changed.
How you didn't even know me.

Darling... Darling, you're not well.
You don't know what you're saying.

Don't patronise me, you smug git.
I know what's happened to me.

I'll tell you what's happened. You
hadn't recovered from the accident

and you went back to work too soon.

I know it sounds strange.

I mean, how can you swap bodies?

It's stupid. Of course it is.
But...it's happened.

Because I am Danny Reed.

I know him because I am him.

Wait a minute. You think -
I think we should let Veronica rest.

Darling, I've rung your parents.

I know you're not in contact with
them but I thought they should know.

I met this homeless guy outside
work. He really freaked me out.

He said he was Veronica.

The same guy turned up last night.

He talked his way
into the apartment.

But he knew really personal stuff
about me.

He did with me too.

What's going on?

She's befriended some crazy guy
and told him all about her life.

God. So it's like she's got
together with some deluded freak

and they're acting out
this weird fantasy together.

I thought
things were getting better.

I've failed her. I've let her down.

You haven't failed anybody.

Jay, you're the best boyfriend
a girl could have.

Oh, she's gonna be fine.
We're gonna make sure of that.

PHONE RINGS

Don't you dare ring me
and try and crawl back into my life.

I meant every word I said.
Go screw yourself!

You OK?

Fine.
SUBTITLES -= Hosszu Puska Sub .com =-

Fine.
SUBTITLES -= Hosszu Puska Sub .com =-

Think outside
your medical strait jacket.

Imagine that I am,
in fact, as sane as I appear,

and that the only mad thing
I talk about,

being a man trapped
inside a woman's body, is true.

And how would you feel,
if it were true?

I know how it feels.

It is true.

I'm asking you, for me,

to imagine that two people
could have swapped places

and ended up in the other's body,

even though
science knows it can't happen,

that it has,
in exactly the way I outlined.

What would you do?

Would you be the first person
to take me seriously?

What's your name?
Danielle.

Do your mates call you Danny?
No.

I'm going to call you Danny because
that's my name and I want me back.

Are you going to help me, Danny?

Of course I am.

Veronica.

You're suffering
from acute delusional paranoia.

I thought you believed me.

I am suggesting that we put you
on a course of antipsychotics

which will reduce the delusions
and bring them under control.

I've had them before.
They made it worse.

Your records show
no history of mental illness.

That's because
you're looking at the wrong records.

Please do not make me take them.

Poor woman.
It sounds like she nearly died.

And you think that Danny
might have been involved in this?

Shall we try that again?

I really don't need them.

As I explained, this isn't
a voluntary arrangement. I'm sorry.

Just remember we're here
to help you get better, Danny.

Danny? Is that my name?
That's right.

I didn't even know.

You believe that?

Looks like you've been having a
rough time since you were last here.

Last here?

Look, tell you what...

Well, you get yourself settled in
and I'll see you in the morning.

Get some rest.
Mm.

Danny Reed.

Homeless, poor and insane.

Great.

That's just great.

I'm afraid Veronica Burton
doesn't work here any more.

Are you a friend of hers?

Sort of.

You haven't heard, then?

Who are you?

We're your mum and dad, love.

Oh... Hi.

How are you?

It's been a long time.

Has it?
Five years, three months, four days

since we last clapped eyes on you,
love.

Your mother's counted every day.

It's good to see you, love.

Do...

Why...do you think we lost touch?

You were busy
and had a lot going on and...

We just weren't
good enough for you, love.

Oh.

How do they seem?
Very nice.

But quite...um... You know, humble.

It's really not what I imagined.
I always thought they'd be...

Actually,
I don't know what I thought.

Did she ever talk to you
about her parents?

No. I just thought
that they didn't get on.

Me too.

But why has she never talked to us
about that?

Do you know, um...

there's a lot I don't know about V.

But why has this
only just occurred to me?

I'm thinking the very same thing.

Look, I just want to say
how sorry I am.

That she...

That I lost touch with you.

You seem like such lovely people
and...

Well, you know, maybe
I could come and visit you sometime.

Oh, that would be lovely, Ronnie.

We've missed you so much.

How was she?

Fine.
Fine.

It was so nice of you to ring.

We really appreciate it.

Um... Did she recog...

How did she react to seeing you?

Fine.
Fine.

We don't really know
why we lost contact.

We just want her back.
Well, she's been ill.

But... Well, maybe this could
be the start of a new beginning.

Can I ask you something really
stupid?

I expect nothing less of you, Pete.
Urban Decay, 10 litres.

If someone said they believed they
were trapped inside someone else's
body, what would you say?

Well?
Do you seriously want an answer?

I suppose not.
It's stupid, isn't it?

Primrose White, 20 litres.
What do you think?

I went to see her yesterday.
What did you do that for?

Dunno. Anyway, she wasn't there.

She's...had a breakdown.

Well, that explains a lot.
I knew it. I knew she was losing it.

I feel sorry for her, though.

It must have been terrible,
that accident.

Moonlight Bird Table, five litres.

Still doesn't explain why
she knew all that stuff, does it?

Unless she's murdered him
or something.

Do you know
what would really help Danny?

Is if you stop acting like you're
in some kids' detective story.

She's one of our only leads.

But she knew stuff
she shouldn't have known.

Yeah, because she spent time
with him and talked to him.

She's a friend.
One of the only ones we've got.

I think it's terrible,
what's happened to her.

What have you got?

Er... Two OCDs,

a kleptomaniac

and a delusional readmission.

This time round,
he thinks he's a woman.

How interesting.

I'm just about to talk
to a woman who thinks she's a man.

Really? What's her name?
Veronica Burton.

But she thinks she's a man called -
Daniel Reed.

You see, I think I trouble you

because actually
you know I'm normal.

It is important
that I think you're normal?

Is that what you do?

Sit there throwing statements back
as questions?

If you want me to confirm
that your case is fascinating,

then, yes, it is.

But not unique.

In fact, we have another patient
in here right now just like you.

I believe you two must have met.

He's the man you think you are.

He's gone. Sound the alarm.

ALARM RINGS

Veronica!

Veronica!

Veronica!

Danny! Danny!

Follow that bus!

This bus goes to Rosewood.
Just get on with it and drive.

Veronica! Veronica!

Can I help you?
Get off me!

Not till you tell me why you're here
in a dressing gown - She's here!

He's here!
Come with me.

Get off! He's a shoplifter!
You're letting him get away!

Do your job, you useless git!

Come on.
Get off me! Get off me!

I'll leave it, thanks.

Sorry. She's off sick.

Your situation is very serious.

And I think we need a new approach.

ECT, electroconvulsive therapy, has
made a real revival in recent times.

Although I know it sounds daunting,

it's proven
a remarkably effective tool in -

I know what ECT does.

It wipes your memory.

There is some
temporary short-term memory loss.

I couldn't remember my name
after I'd had it.

It was the most terrifying thing
that ever happened to me.

Veronica, you have never had ECT.

I'm not Veronica.

DANNY: Electricity.

Oh!

Spare any change?
Piss off, you scummy beggar.

You all right, lad?
Not got a home to go to?

You're the first person
who's shown me any kindness.

What's your name, son?

Ver...

Daniel. Danny Reed.

Need some money and a place to stay?

Oh...

How about I give you £20
and you come back to mine?

Since the accident,
have I ever seemed like her?

Acted like her?

Talked like her?

No.

And you know that.

And why?

I'm stuck inside her body
like a prison

and I am really sorry about this.

But maybe, if you help me,
maybe you can get her back.

This isn't really you
so I'm not going to answer that.

It isn't really me.

Because I'm not really her.

You really love her, don't you?

Ever thought you might be wasting
your time?

I've never wasted a second
loving you.

I think maybe you did.

I think... maybe you'd be
better off with someone else.

Um... I know you're...
you're a bit scared

but I really think
having the ECT will help.

Oh. And you told them that, did you?

They're very good here

and everyone really does
think it's for the best.

You see, you're very ill.
No. You've got it all wrong.

They say
there's nothing to worry about.

Please.

If you have any feelings for me,
you have to help me.

I'm trying.
ECT makes you lose your memory.

And then you forget everything.

And then I'll forget who I am,
right?

And then I'll just think I'm her.

It's an extreme form
of projective identification

where both parties essentially
take on the identity of the other.

It's a kind of joint delusion.

You're doing the right thing.

There's a young woman here.
Says she's here to see Veronica.

Should I let her in?

What's her name?
Fiona.

How is she?

She's... I'm sorry. Who are you?

Um... I'm a friend of hers.

I don't know you.
No, neither do I.

Well, we met a few times.

I met her. She was helping me out.

Listen, she did some quite...
unusual things after the accident.

You might think
you're her friend but...

Why don't you just go and ask her?
See if she wants to see me.

Actually, she's not up to visitors
right now so...

OK.

Fiona!

Fiona!

FIONA!

It's like having
a dagger stabbed in your heart

when she says stuff like that.

She honestly believes it, you know,
every word.

I wonder whether
she's always been a bit weird.

Do you?

I've...talked to her about
not getting on with her parents.

It's such a big part of her.

But... You know, I know
she's not well but I just...

I just feel so betrayed.
I know.

I do know. And... And...

I'm struggling too, you know.

It's really quite...
It's messed up. It's messed up.

See, maybe I didn't ever know
where I was with her.

Me neither.
This is not like you.

No, you... you're... you're solid.

No, it's true.
It's obvious, you know.

Where you're at...

Maybe that's what I liked about her.

She's different.

All that stuff about being a bloke
and...that weird homeless guy...

I mean... How can your brain...
do that to you?

Maybe it is real.
Hm?

Maybe they did swap.

Maybe she is a man.

(LAUGHS)

Oh...

You...

Very helpful (!)

No, that's not going to be...
Oh, I'm sorry.

For God's sake, Siobhan.
What are you doing?

Did they ever find that guy
who escaped?

No. He's disappeared.

DANNY: I have to get out of here.

Come on, think. Think.

I want to come clean.

I've been playing games with you.

Stupid games.

It's this...urge for danger
I've had since the accident.

I just wanted to see
if you'd believe me.

And now it's got out of hand.

Of course I'm not a man!

Of course I'm Veronica.

I never thought
it would go this far.

In my experience,
patients don't end up here

just because they're playing games.

I stopped wanting
to be me after the accident.

But I think I'm ready to try again.

DOOR OPENS

Things are going to change.

I'll be the woman you want me to be.

I won't hate you any more.
I'm going to try and be nice.

Just...promise me
I'll never be in here again.

Darling!

You've made a really rapid recovery.

We were amazed -
And delighted.

So...

The... The delusions,
they just stopped?

That's it. Yes.

I am just back to being me.

It was just
a kind of psychological...

leftover from the accident.

Exactly. And now I'm fine.

It's great to have you back.

I'll call you, hon.

I love you.

I love you so much.

DANNY: OK, what would she do?

What would she say?

I still think that you -
I'm fine.

If you feel -
I'll be fine.

Darling.

Jay tells me you've made
a miraculous recovery.

Of course, if that's true,
we'll welcome you back.

I am...

I'm...back to normal.

Really, I am.

I do hope so.

And... If you are
planning on going mad,

could you let us know this time?

You are one of the faces
of the paper.

I need to know it's Veronica
Burton I'm sending out there.

Not some bizarre alter ego.

(LAUGHS)

Hiya.

So good to see you.

How are you feeling?
Right as rain.

That's great.

Nice shade of lipstick.

What shade is that?
Pink Nightshade.

It's MAC all-day gloss.
It's gorgeous, isn't it?

Gorgeous.

Welcome back.

I trust you're feeling better.

Much better, thanks.

I knocked these out for you. Thought
maybe you could do with some help.

What are they?

Horoscopes.
I hope they're all right.

I just made them up.

But I thought it would be a help

if your first week back
wasn't too strenuous.

And listen, if you are serious
about investigative journalism,

we should have a chat some time.

See if I can throw you a few
titbits, get you going, OK?

That would be great. Thanks.

Great.

Well, he has had three breakdowns
so...I think he can relate.

Anything I can do to...?

I've got this totally under control,
thank you.

Great.

Oh! And I've been
reading that book you gave me.

It's fascinating. Very interesting.

So good to see you
back to your old self.

My old self.

Good old Veronica.

DOOR OPENS

Hey, darling. Um... How was it?

It was great.
SUBTITLES -= Hosszu Puska Sub .com =-

It was really good.
SUBTITLES -= Hosszu Puska Sub .com =-

Bill was very welcoming.

And Malcolm said he'd help me
do some more investigative stories.

Yeah. It was great.

Wow. Well done.

So, you know, I think I can do this.

I can do it.

Good.

Glass of wine?

Wine's fine.

What have you done
with my figures?

Figures?

The ones I collect.
From the cereal packets.

You weren't seriously
going to keep them?

Of course I was.

Well, I thought that...
since you're back to your old self,

all that eating cereal

and collecting silly little figures
would be over.

Listen, pal! I'll decide what
I'm doing and what I'm not doing!

You had no right!
No right to go throwing those away.

And for the record, I like cereal.

And I'll eat whatever I like,

not whatever middle-class toss
you think I should be eating.

All right? Is that clear?

Darling, I think I'd better
call the psychiatrist. No. No.

No.

Sorry.

It's fine.

There is nothing to worry about.

It's all good.

Veronica is back, baby.

OK.

OK.

We're gonna do things
my way this time.

I know where I went wrong before.

I didn't take charge.

You like to act
the independent woman

but I know that deep down inside
there's a scared little girl

who needs a strong man
to take charge.

Well, I'm going to be that man.

I'm going to take charge,
Veronica Burton.

I'm going to be your man and I'm
not going to take no for an answer.

Veronica?
Mm?

Will you marry me?

What?!
You heard.

(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
I know it's a shock

but isn't it just
the right thing to do?

Oh...

We're getting married!

Darling, we're getting married!

Ooooh!

KNOCK AT DOOR

Whoever it is, I'm going
to tell them the news. No, Jay!

No. Wait. No.

Hi.
This isn't a good time.

No, Jay. It's fine.
I'll take it. It's a work thing.

Shall we go outside
for a quick chat?

Yeah, sure.

I won't be long. five minutes.
Veronica, this isn't -

Five minutes.

(Five minutes.)

Sorry. Did I come at a bad time?

Oh, no.
You came at a very good time.

Perfect, in fact.

Did you come about Danny?
Is there...Is there news?

No. No, nothing. Sorry.

Oh.

So... Oh, I just...
I just came to see how YOU were.

I've been...
thinking about you quite a lot.

Since you were in hospital,
you know, I was worried.

And I've been thinking about you.

All the time, in fact.

So this...
this guy that you're with,

I mean, maybe I've got
the wrong end of the stick...

Oh, no. I think
you've got exactly the right end

of exactly the right stick.

I...

Go on.

I don't want to make a fool
of myself.

I really like you, Veronica.

DANNY: Oh, my God. Yes!

And I'm a woman!

DANNY: And you fancy me!

And I really, really, really
like you too.

Do you think
that maybe me and you could...

Every minute of every day
and for the rest of our lives.

# ELTON JOHN: Rocket Man

# And I think
it's gonna be a long, long time

# Till touchdown
brings me round again to find

# I'm not the man
they think I am at all

# Oh, no, no, no

# I'm a rocket man

# Rocket man

# Burning out his fuse
up here alone... #

Oh, my God. Are you getting married?

You dark horse!
Why didn't you tell us?

Fancy seeing you here, Danny.

You've got to stay away from her.

Is this bigotry
or is it just jealousy?

Please, listen to me. I am not Danny.

No. You listen to me.
One job and we're even.

I wanna be with you,
more than anything I've ever known.

You're that nutter!
Get in the car.

Veronica!
Don't go near him! He's not well!

Come on, we're not going to go
through with this.

On the contrary,
I've planned it meticulously.

All we need is the weather.