Boomerang (2015–2019): Season 3, Episode 4 - Panier de crabes - full transcript
Sweetie, I'm sorry.
The best friend story was stupid.
Sweetie, even if I introduced you
as my best friend, I...
I didn't mean to push you away.
I was just inviting you,
enthusiastically, to leave.
-Why are you in my bed?
-Why are you naked?
Where's Karine?
She's with Monique.
She's angry, what do you expect?
You're being gay to sell sandwiches,
and you didn't tell her.
I helped you,
so Monique is angry too.
-So?
-So take responsibility.
They're sleeping. I'm not going to...
And put some clothes on!
-I like to sleep naked.
-Put it on.
-I don't like sleeping...
-Put something on!
-OK.
-Good.
How was I supposed to know
she'd turn up like that?
To cause a scene
with her wedding dress
and a bottle of champagne?
-No, Patrick. No.
-You're on my side.
-Your side?
-Yes.
-Hold on...
-No, just go underneath.
There. Go on.
Slide.
-No! No!
-I told you!
-I'm so happy to start work again.
-Yeah?
-Have a bit of decency.
-It doesn't bite.
-How's your office at the gym?
-Yeah, it's great.
So childish!
Crap...
I'm sorry. Go on, Pierre.
-Morning.
-Morning, honey.
-Sleep well?
-Sleep well?
Because we... He snores like a train!
He tried to mount me.
-I'm sorry. Forgive me.
-I'm sorry, I'm so...
The Bernier girls always
calm down eventually.
-Look at you all dressed up.
-No more than usual.
My God, you'll be turning heads
in the Village.
-What are you talking about?
-You know people like you.
The bar manager next door keeps
checking if you're working.
Stop it!
He's always looking.
Really?
Well...
speaking of that,
I sensed a few looks.
I won't lie, at my age,
it's flattering.
Of course, Pierre. Enjoy it.
Enjoy it.
Will the girls calm down?
Patrick, within 24 hours,
we'll get our girls back,
and we'll score.
"Score"?
I don't believe that
after 24 hours of isolation,
you don't want to tap that.
It's your fault I missed my wedding.
I'm sorry.
It has killed our relationship.
Why should it be dead?
It could bring us together.
Everyone says so.
Challenges are the cement.
-It's true.
-No, it's not.
We haven't kissed in three days.
Three days!
Do you know what that's like?
He doesn't love me.
-In a way...
-In what way?
Three days is nothing in a lifetime.
-Clearly...
-No, it's not.
It's clear that he lied to me.
He's ashamed of me.
That much is clear.
You know what?
Lies and shame
are the beginning of the end.
"The beginning of the end."
No, it's not the beginning
of the end.
He's not only ashamed.
He's also proud of me.
He's the proudest boyfriend
in the world.
Thanks for your advice, Nath.
Come in!
Hello.
Is your kitchen tap leaking?
We can start
in the kitchen if you like.
It won't be the first time.
The joint has probably worn away.
When did you last change it?
You don't have to go that far.
No problem.
It'll only take five minutes.
It might be better to get a new one.
Sylvain...
These are the pipes
that need checking.
So you don't have a problem with...
Plumbing? No.
I'll get rid of my tools then.
Oh! Time out!
I'm unarmed. I surrender.
I'm protected
by the Geneva Convention!
Let me speak.
If you want to hit me, I deserve it.
I know it's for us,
to pay back our debt.
Patrick, I told you.
Twenty-four hours
and we'll get our girls back.
Yeah, thanks, Pierre.
It's just here in the Village.
Everywhere else in Quebec
and at home, we can be...
-a couple.
-I know.
I get it now.
I love you, babe.
-I'm so proud of you. OK?
-Yeah.
Stop... Me too.
What?
What did you say?
I said: "I love you."
-What?
-Stop joking around!
Stay for lunch.
Why won't you stay for lunch?
I'll make my yuzu
and crab mayonnaise. You'll love it.
It's great, Karine. It's delicious.
OK, make me two.
I'll surprise Steph.
Partner?
You're not the best,
but you never were.
Clients like that, the stability.
I didn't expect this.
You butcher the English language,
but you close the deal
when you need to.
Except when you nearly
scrapped that deal...
I have had a good year.
-Get back to me by Thursday.
-OK.
Another thing,
we went to Jeanne's school...
Well, Steph did,
I can't do everything!
Anyway, the headteacher says
Jeanne isn't doing well.
-She needs lots of stability.
-Oh, really?
And at her age,
it doesn't take much to fall
into drugs, street gangs, Femen...
Street gangs at ten years old?
To protect her, the school recommends
family activities.
With Dad, with Mom,
with the oldies, everyone.
We'll look after her.
-Come for dinner at the bungalow.
-Oh, Monique...
The kitchen isn't finished,
but we'll order lobster.
I don't want to bother you
or be a burden. I understand...
What kind of grandparents
do you take us for?
We'll expect you at 6:00 p.m.
-If you insist.
-I do.
-Partner?
-Yes.
That's a big pay rise.
You know me.
Oh, Sylvain!
-Are you ready?
-Yes.
OK.
Hello!
-Dad!
-Hey!
My little munchkin, hi.
-Good day?
-Yes.
Sweetheart, look at you.
What color is that? Beige?
You know what?
It's so flattering.
Come on.
I'll catch up. I need a shower.
What for?
Dinner at your parent's.
A nice family moment.
No, Richard. I'd prefer...
Your mom insisted that I be there.
I'll take a shower,
and I'll be there in 20 minutes.
OK? Bye-bye.
We're going to Grandma's!
It's just for today.
The house isn't finished.
Here's to Monique.
-Did she get promoted?
-To partner.
Cheers, sweetie. Thanks, darling.
Are the lobsters all right?
-How was lunch?
-Great.
-Oh, my God...
-What?
-I've got the news of the century.
-Richard in a thong.
Better than that.
Steph and Sylvain doing...
New ideas don't depend on age.
-What?
-I swear.
Sylvain? Are you sure? My Sylvain?
Yes. Totally naked with a tool belt.
-The lobster.
-Here we are!
There'll be a lot of dishes to wash.
No more than usual.
I hope there won't be
any plumbing issues,
and we won't have to call a plumber.
Why would we pay for a plumber?
-Sylvain has the tools.
-He always has the tools.
We're happy to see you.
It'll only take an hour. It's Fugues.
It's four loose pages.
Nobody reads it.
We'll do your photo,
but it's the last time
you use me like this.
Why didn't you tell me about Sylvain?
Sorry. Technical issue.
I got sprayed in the face.
Sit down, Richard...
Yes, sit down, Richard.
The whole family happy together.
A strong, close-knit family.
Right, Jeanne?
-Bon appétit.
-Yeah.
Wait, Richard.
I'll get you some lobster tongs.
No! This is...
just perfect.
I'm sleeping with Sylvain!
And I like it.
Jeanne, let's go watch a movie...
No. Sit down, fatty.
You're...
You're...
You're... together?
Does she mean "sleeping"
as in screwing?
-Oh, dear!
-Oh, no.
You're cheating on me with a baboon
in my own house.
-If I'm cheating with a baboon...
-Am I the baboon?
Shut it, limp dick!
Instead of prostituting yourself...
Prostituting? Mom!
Hey, now...
No!
Don't call my daughter a prostitute!
Don't call people "limp dick"
in my house!
If anyone doesn't have
a limp dick, it's me.
-That's true.
-OK, everyone.
The communication train is stuck.
It's stuck.
If we took the time to listen...
Listen--
Look, you.
Kung fu, tae kwon do, jujitsu.
That's the last time
you touch my sink. OK?
Come on then.
-No...
-No. Sylvain...
No. Guys...
Boys!
Boys, stop it!
Sylvain.
Sylvain, stop.
Let's sit down.
What's a "limp dick"?
Jeanne, please.
Why didn't you tell me?
Because Richard is your boss.
I didn't want to put you
in the middle of us.
I've always known how to separate
my professional and private life.
I think it's the same for Richard.
Is it the same for him?
-I think he looked at me.
-Who?
Don't turn around!
The guy in the pink shirt. Be subtle.
He's with his wife.
Can't be sure. The pink guy?
-The pink guy.
-I think he recognized me.
Babe, nobody knows you here.
I think you need to unwind.
You're right, sweetie.
-Fuck!
-What now?
-The guy who just came in...
-What?
He manages a shop in the Village.
He'll see me with a girl!
OK. Fine.
We're leaving.
-Come on.
-I'll catch up with you.
I'll be right there.
That was a quick lunch.
Where's Patrick?
He's totally paranoid.
He thinks every guy we see is gay,
and the Village will know his secret.
Karine, honestly...
It's like we don't connect.
Come and sit down.
"We don't connect..."
It's true.
When I arrived in the Village,
I wasn't in my comfort zone.
Now, a lot of people like me.
What's more, I do too.
You see?
Apart from his truck and pulled pork,
nothing else interests him.
Come on, Karine.
Don't be intimidated
by a sandwich truck.
It's like golf.
The only shots
you can be sure of
are the ones you've played.
Make a plan of attack for Patrick
and keep your eyes on the ball, OK?
-Dad, I hate golf.
-Yeah, but...
But I love you.
-Are you all right?
-Yes. Why?
I wondered if you were angry
about yesterday.
Angry? Why would I be angry?
I just wanted to be sure
that you separate
what happens with my daughter
from the office.
Of course. Monique, come on...
-I hope you do too.
-Of course.
Actually, I wanted to tell you
that I'd be honored
to accept your offer...
About that. Maude-Sophie?
-Monique.
-Yes.
This is Maude-Sophie.
Maude-Sophie, Monique.
-Nice to meet you.
-Come in.
Like I explained,
this is the person you're replacing.
I thought about it,
and Monique, you're...
You're fired.
She started today,
so you can finish your day's work
and show her your filing system.
Excuse me... Watch out.
There.
He can't do that.
-He's getting back at Steph.
-Exactly!
Anyway, I needed a new challenge.
I'll rearrange his face,
that stupid bastard!
Limp dick!
Hold on!
You're a limp dick, Richard!
Calm down, Pierre Bernier.
Pierre Bernier.
I'm hungry. Let's have dinner.
I'm taking you out tonight,
while Karine, you can
reconcile with Patrick.
All right? OK.
Let me get changed.
No. You're perfect as you are,
beautiful, seductive,
just like when I met you.
Come on.
Wow!
He won't be able to resist.
That is a plan of attack!
-Really?
-Yes.
OK, go. I need the apartment.
Yes.
Where are we going?
Surprise!
Fugues is coming.
The apartment needs to be gay.
What?
-What's that?
-Our memories.
It's for our romantic dinner.
Karine, I'm gay!
I'm married to Sylvain!
Use your head!
Remove everything that suggests
that you and I are together.
Not that.
I didn't know they'd be here.
Karine, think, please! It's Fugues!
This is big! Fugues!
It's the Paris Match for gays!
Hide your stuff, your bras,
sanitary towels, panties...
I brought magazines
with naked guys on them.
That's gayer.
Make yourself useful,
spread them about.
Go! Go! Go! Wait!
This isn't right. It doesn't say
anything about my cooking.
Fuck, fuck, fuck...
It's Pat. You were right.
We'll take the photos
at the food truck
or somewhere else
that has a bit of feeling.
I'll be there in 20 minutes.
OK. Bye.
Gotta go, babe. Bye!
Come in.
Pat didn't call you?
The shoot is somewhere else,
not sure where.
They're waiting.
You OK?
Great.
My boyfriend is gay,
he spends more time
with pulled pork than me
and I can't even exist
in my own apartment.
-You OK?
-Great.
I'm married to my best friend,
I'm in love with his sister-in-law
and I'm about to be on the cover
of a gay magazine.
-To our shit lives.
-To our shit lives.
Fugues came out? Show me.
Patrick, you need to be open-minded.
Of course.
That's insane!
Subtitling: Hiventy
The best friend story was stupid.
Sweetie, even if I introduced you
as my best friend, I...
I didn't mean to push you away.
I was just inviting you,
enthusiastically, to leave.
-Why are you in my bed?
-Why are you naked?
Where's Karine?
She's with Monique.
She's angry, what do you expect?
You're being gay to sell sandwiches,
and you didn't tell her.
I helped you,
so Monique is angry too.
-So?
-So take responsibility.
They're sleeping. I'm not going to...
And put some clothes on!
-I like to sleep naked.
-Put it on.
-I don't like sleeping...
-Put something on!
-OK.
-Good.
How was I supposed to know
she'd turn up like that?
To cause a scene
with her wedding dress
and a bottle of champagne?
-No, Patrick. No.
-You're on my side.
-Your side?
-Yes.
-Hold on...
-No, just go underneath.
There. Go on.
Slide.
-No! No!
-I told you!
-I'm so happy to start work again.
-Yeah?
-Have a bit of decency.
-It doesn't bite.
-How's your office at the gym?
-Yeah, it's great.
So childish!
Crap...
I'm sorry. Go on, Pierre.
-Morning.
-Morning, honey.
-Sleep well?
-Sleep well?
Because we... He snores like a train!
He tried to mount me.
-I'm sorry. Forgive me.
-I'm sorry, I'm so...
The Bernier girls always
calm down eventually.
-Look at you all dressed up.
-No more than usual.
My God, you'll be turning heads
in the Village.
-What are you talking about?
-You know people like you.
The bar manager next door keeps
checking if you're working.
Stop it!
He's always looking.
Really?
Well...
speaking of that,
I sensed a few looks.
I won't lie, at my age,
it's flattering.
Of course, Pierre. Enjoy it.
Enjoy it.
Will the girls calm down?
Patrick, within 24 hours,
we'll get our girls back,
and we'll score.
"Score"?
I don't believe that
after 24 hours of isolation,
you don't want to tap that.
It's your fault I missed my wedding.
I'm sorry.
It has killed our relationship.
Why should it be dead?
It could bring us together.
Everyone says so.
Challenges are the cement.
-It's true.
-No, it's not.
We haven't kissed in three days.
Three days!
Do you know what that's like?
He doesn't love me.
-In a way...
-In what way?
Three days is nothing in a lifetime.
-Clearly...
-No, it's not.
It's clear that he lied to me.
He's ashamed of me.
That much is clear.
You know what?
Lies and shame
are the beginning of the end.
"The beginning of the end."
No, it's not the beginning
of the end.
He's not only ashamed.
He's also proud of me.
He's the proudest boyfriend
in the world.
Thanks for your advice, Nath.
Come in!
Hello.
Is your kitchen tap leaking?
We can start
in the kitchen if you like.
It won't be the first time.
The joint has probably worn away.
When did you last change it?
You don't have to go that far.
No problem.
It'll only take five minutes.
It might be better to get a new one.
Sylvain...
These are the pipes
that need checking.
So you don't have a problem with...
Plumbing? No.
I'll get rid of my tools then.
Oh! Time out!
I'm unarmed. I surrender.
I'm protected
by the Geneva Convention!
Let me speak.
If you want to hit me, I deserve it.
I know it's for us,
to pay back our debt.
Patrick, I told you.
Twenty-four hours
and we'll get our girls back.
Yeah, thanks, Pierre.
It's just here in the Village.
Everywhere else in Quebec
and at home, we can be...
-a couple.
-I know.
I get it now.
I love you, babe.
-I'm so proud of you. OK?
-Yeah.
Stop... Me too.
What?
What did you say?
I said: "I love you."
-What?
-Stop joking around!
Stay for lunch.
Why won't you stay for lunch?
I'll make my yuzu
and crab mayonnaise. You'll love it.
It's great, Karine. It's delicious.
OK, make me two.
I'll surprise Steph.
Partner?
You're not the best,
but you never were.
Clients like that, the stability.
I didn't expect this.
You butcher the English language,
but you close the deal
when you need to.
Except when you nearly
scrapped that deal...
I have had a good year.
-Get back to me by Thursday.
-OK.
Another thing,
we went to Jeanne's school...
Well, Steph did,
I can't do everything!
Anyway, the headteacher says
Jeanne isn't doing well.
-She needs lots of stability.
-Oh, really?
And at her age,
it doesn't take much to fall
into drugs, street gangs, Femen...
Street gangs at ten years old?
To protect her, the school recommends
family activities.
With Dad, with Mom,
with the oldies, everyone.
We'll look after her.
-Come for dinner at the bungalow.
-Oh, Monique...
The kitchen isn't finished,
but we'll order lobster.
I don't want to bother you
or be a burden. I understand...
What kind of grandparents
do you take us for?
We'll expect you at 6:00 p.m.
-If you insist.
-I do.
-Partner?
-Yes.
That's a big pay rise.
You know me.
Oh, Sylvain!
-Are you ready?
-Yes.
OK.
Hello!
-Dad!
-Hey!
My little munchkin, hi.
-Good day?
-Yes.
Sweetheart, look at you.
What color is that? Beige?
You know what?
It's so flattering.
Come on.
I'll catch up. I need a shower.
What for?
Dinner at your parent's.
A nice family moment.
No, Richard. I'd prefer...
Your mom insisted that I be there.
I'll take a shower,
and I'll be there in 20 minutes.
OK? Bye-bye.
We're going to Grandma's!
It's just for today.
The house isn't finished.
Here's to Monique.
-Did she get promoted?
-To partner.
Cheers, sweetie. Thanks, darling.
Are the lobsters all right?
-How was lunch?
-Great.
-Oh, my God...
-What?
-I've got the news of the century.
-Richard in a thong.
Better than that.
Steph and Sylvain doing...
New ideas don't depend on age.
-What?
-I swear.
Sylvain? Are you sure? My Sylvain?
Yes. Totally naked with a tool belt.
-The lobster.
-Here we are!
There'll be a lot of dishes to wash.
No more than usual.
I hope there won't be
any plumbing issues,
and we won't have to call a plumber.
Why would we pay for a plumber?
-Sylvain has the tools.
-He always has the tools.
We're happy to see you.
It'll only take an hour. It's Fugues.
It's four loose pages.
Nobody reads it.
We'll do your photo,
but it's the last time
you use me like this.
Why didn't you tell me about Sylvain?
Sorry. Technical issue.
I got sprayed in the face.
Sit down, Richard...
Yes, sit down, Richard.
The whole family happy together.
A strong, close-knit family.
Right, Jeanne?
-Bon appétit.
-Yeah.
Wait, Richard.
I'll get you some lobster tongs.
No! This is...
just perfect.
I'm sleeping with Sylvain!
And I like it.
Jeanne, let's go watch a movie...
No. Sit down, fatty.
You're...
You're...
You're... together?
Does she mean "sleeping"
as in screwing?
-Oh, dear!
-Oh, no.
You're cheating on me with a baboon
in my own house.
-If I'm cheating with a baboon...
-Am I the baboon?
Shut it, limp dick!
Instead of prostituting yourself...
Prostituting? Mom!
Hey, now...
No!
Don't call my daughter a prostitute!
Don't call people "limp dick"
in my house!
If anyone doesn't have
a limp dick, it's me.
-That's true.
-OK, everyone.
The communication train is stuck.
It's stuck.
If we took the time to listen...
Listen--
Look, you.
Kung fu, tae kwon do, jujitsu.
That's the last time
you touch my sink. OK?
Come on then.
-No...
-No. Sylvain...
No. Guys...
Boys!
Boys, stop it!
Sylvain.
Sylvain, stop.
Let's sit down.
What's a "limp dick"?
Jeanne, please.
Why didn't you tell me?
Because Richard is your boss.
I didn't want to put you
in the middle of us.
I've always known how to separate
my professional and private life.
I think it's the same for Richard.
Is it the same for him?
-I think he looked at me.
-Who?
Don't turn around!
The guy in the pink shirt. Be subtle.
He's with his wife.
Can't be sure. The pink guy?
-The pink guy.
-I think he recognized me.
Babe, nobody knows you here.
I think you need to unwind.
You're right, sweetie.
-Fuck!
-What now?
-The guy who just came in...
-What?
He manages a shop in the Village.
He'll see me with a girl!
OK. Fine.
We're leaving.
-Come on.
-I'll catch up with you.
I'll be right there.
That was a quick lunch.
Where's Patrick?
He's totally paranoid.
He thinks every guy we see is gay,
and the Village will know his secret.
Karine, honestly...
It's like we don't connect.
Come and sit down.
"We don't connect..."
It's true.
When I arrived in the Village,
I wasn't in my comfort zone.
Now, a lot of people like me.
What's more, I do too.
You see?
Apart from his truck and pulled pork,
nothing else interests him.
Come on, Karine.
Don't be intimidated
by a sandwich truck.
It's like golf.
The only shots
you can be sure of
are the ones you've played.
Make a plan of attack for Patrick
and keep your eyes on the ball, OK?
-Dad, I hate golf.
-Yeah, but...
But I love you.
-Are you all right?
-Yes. Why?
I wondered if you were angry
about yesterday.
Angry? Why would I be angry?
I just wanted to be sure
that you separate
what happens with my daughter
from the office.
Of course. Monique, come on...
-I hope you do too.
-Of course.
Actually, I wanted to tell you
that I'd be honored
to accept your offer...
About that. Maude-Sophie?
-Monique.
-Yes.
This is Maude-Sophie.
Maude-Sophie, Monique.
-Nice to meet you.
-Come in.
Like I explained,
this is the person you're replacing.
I thought about it,
and Monique, you're...
You're fired.
She started today,
so you can finish your day's work
and show her your filing system.
Excuse me... Watch out.
There.
He can't do that.
-He's getting back at Steph.
-Exactly!
Anyway, I needed a new challenge.
I'll rearrange his face,
that stupid bastard!
Limp dick!
Hold on!
You're a limp dick, Richard!
Calm down, Pierre Bernier.
Pierre Bernier.
I'm hungry. Let's have dinner.
I'm taking you out tonight,
while Karine, you can
reconcile with Patrick.
All right? OK.
Let me get changed.
No. You're perfect as you are,
beautiful, seductive,
just like when I met you.
Come on.
Wow!
He won't be able to resist.
That is a plan of attack!
-Really?
-Yes.
OK, go. I need the apartment.
Yes.
Where are we going?
Surprise!
Fugues is coming.
The apartment needs to be gay.
What?
-What's that?
-Our memories.
It's for our romantic dinner.
Karine, I'm gay!
I'm married to Sylvain!
Use your head!
Remove everything that suggests
that you and I are together.
Not that.
I didn't know they'd be here.
Karine, think, please! It's Fugues!
This is big! Fugues!
It's the Paris Match for gays!
Hide your stuff, your bras,
sanitary towels, panties...
I brought magazines
with naked guys on them.
That's gayer.
Make yourself useful,
spread them about.
Go! Go! Go! Wait!
This isn't right. It doesn't say
anything about my cooking.
Fuck, fuck, fuck...
It's Pat. You were right.
We'll take the photos
at the food truck
or somewhere else
that has a bit of feeling.
I'll be there in 20 minutes.
OK. Bye.
Gotta go, babe. Bye!
Come in.
Pat didn't call you?
The shoot is somewhere else,
not sure where.
They're waiting.
You OK?
Great.
My boyfriend is gay,
he spends more time
with pulled pork than me
and I can't even exist
in my own apartment.
-You OK?
-Great.
I'm married to my best friend,
I'm in love with his sister-in-law
and I'm about to be on the cover
of a gay magazine.
-To our shit lives.
-To our shit lives.
Fugues came out? Show me.
Patrick, you need to be open-minded.
Of course.
That's insane!
Subtitling: Hiventy