Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 7, Episode 8 - Ex Mach Tina - full transcript

♪ ♪

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

- (Tina groaning)
- LOUISE: Tina, why are you wearing those?

You can't walk now.

You couldn't walk so good before.

They're my platform beach espadrilles.
Remember?

The big Eighth Grade Beach
Bonfire is this weekend.

With any luck, Jimmy Junior and I

will be sharing a blanket
and maybe more... blanket.

- If it gets cold.
- Mm.

Sometimes, Jimmy Junior doesn't
look at me when I'm talking,



or listen to me,
so I thought it might help

if I was closer to his face.

Mm-hmm. Guys like it

when you're just right in their face.

Ah! They probably work better in sand.

Hi, guys. Looking forward
to the beach bonfire?

More like bond-fire.

We're gonna roast wienies
and get all philosophical

about growing up,
and then start hugging and stuff.

- Oh. Ow!
- Ha-ha! Get over here!

- Zeke, let go. Ah, Zeke!
- Get over here!

So, Jimmy Junior,

I hear some people are going
to the bonfire as a couple.

Yeah, but most kids
are going in a big group.



Cool, big group.
Hey, back to that couple idea,

maybe we could go early and get
some sticks pre-marshmallowed.

Really hit the ground running?

Uh...

So that's a great idea "uh..."?

Uh...

You'll get back to me "uh..." Got it.

See ya.

So, from down here, that didn't look

like it went great.

(sighs) It's fine.

I'm just gonna walk away,
my head held high.

I'm okay.

So I'm not okay.

No, it's a bad sprain.

You mind if I fool around
with it a little bit?

I want to kind of get in there.

Um, maybe I'll just take some crutches

and get out of your hair. (grunts)

Hey, I'm back from the thrift store.

Did you say good-bye to our old clothes?

Were they sad?

I think they were happy to be back.

I forgot, we bought them there.

Anyway, while I was there,
I happened to see this guy.

Ooh, an old banjo case. What's inside?

Oh, a banjo.

What are you gonna do with it?

Learn to play.

Look, it has a strap so
I can keep it back here,

and then I'm always
ready to pull it around,

'cause you never know
when there's gonna be a...

banjo moment.

What the heck's a "banjo moment"?

Any moment of time that
would be slightly better

with banjo music.

Huh. Uh...

They happen. I mean, not right now,

'cause I don't like how
you're interrogating me.

What?

(sighs) I'm just gonna
put my banjo back in here

and go into the kitchen.

Oh, there's a song there.

♪ Someone's in the kitchen
with the banjo... ♪

Tina, I heard the fantastic
news about your ankle.

Thanks, Mr. Frond.

Wait, "fantastic" news?

Yes! Recently,
we were approached by a tech company,

Yo 'Botics Robotics.

They're looking for a
student to participate

in a robotic mobility pilot program...

Or RUMP for short.

RUMP? I'm listening.

It's a way for mobility-impaired kids

to go to school without going to school!

- How does it work?
- I don't know, Tina.

Do I look like Bill Gates?

Yes, a little.

Well, thank you.

Anyway, you're the perfect candidate.

And I'll be the guy who
brought robots to Wagstaff,

which is some sweet resume candy.
(chuckles)

Even better than Eighth Grade
Beach Bonfire chaperone.

Which, by the way, I am.

Oh, congratulations.

So, what about RUMP?

They can get you up and running
tomorrow, so to speak.

I don't know,
I'm pretty good with these crutches.

They go under your arm.

They what?

They go under your arm.

You have your arm through them.

Oh. Hey, that's way more comfortable.

MAN: Okay, Tina,

we're seeing you here.

Are you seeing us there?

I see you. Hi.

All right, now, uh, try rotating left.

Mm-kay, here it goes.

Doing it.

Uh, no. Rotate the robot.

With your joystick.

Oh. Got it.

Mm.

Sorry that a smarter
kid didn't get injured.

Um, we can hear you, Mr. Frond.

Oh, um, good microphone.

I know a guidance counselor
who's gonna get injured.

Well, I can hear you.

Guys, there are microphones.

This is how they work.

Tina, why don't you go ahead
and test that joystick,

and we'll get you off to class.

Ow! Damn it! Son of a bitch!

Oh, sorry!

It's fine.

Uh, go ahead and try again.

Ah! Ah! My leg!

I'm pinned!

Uh, sorry, um...

Back up! Back up!

Like this? Um...

No! You're still going forward!

So this is going pretty well.

It feels kind of like
my first day of school.

- How do I look?
- You look good.

But I still kind of
wonder what else is on.

You're too skinny.
Eat a battery or something.

ZEKE: Whoa, there it is.

Watch out, mankind.

Ugh, Tina's a robot.

Look at me, look at me, I'm a robot.

Exactly,
that's exactly what she's doing.

Hi, guys. Hi, Jimmy Junior.

Uh, hi.

Hi, Tina.

This thing is not Tina, Jocelyn.

It's microchips and a
bunch of stupid wires.

It's a clever lie!

Sorry, not personal.

I just don't care for bots.

Well, guess I should roll along to class.
(chuckles nervously)

Me, too. Uber me to Room Six?

Room Ten for me.

Out of the way, out of the way! Move it!

TEDDY: You look great with a banjo, Bob.

You're like a ethnic Steve Martin.

- Yeah.
- Uh, thanks.

Play something.

Okay. I'll try.

I mean, it's my first day
with this thing, so...

(playing rapidly)

Holy cow, you're a natural!

I guess I am.

Yahoo!

Linda, you're married to that guy! Wow!

Everybody, get in here!
You got to hear this!

It's a banjo moment. I get it now.

I'm so good at the banjo!

- So, still tuning?
- (plays single note)

No, it's the song.

That's the song?

I mean, I think it's the song.

It's just, there's a lot of
time in between the notes.

I like it.

I mean, it's not, like,
too much, you know?

Like, too much song?

No, it's not.

Coming through.

- Watch your toes. Sorry.
- Ow!

Ow!

- Sorry.
- (laughter)

Something funny?

Guess I missed it. Ah!

Cool locker.
Like what you've done to it.

Yeah, whatever, robot.

- Um, um, um...
- (motor grinding)

- (school bell rings)
- Can I get a little help?

Help, some...
can I get a little help, someone?

(sighs)

♪ Sharif he don't like it,
boom boom boom. ♪

Hey, who left out this AV cart?

Mr. Branca, I'm not an AV cart.
I'm Tina.

♪ Rock the Casbah ♪

♪ Rock the boom boom. ♪

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't put me in the AV closet!

♪ Thinks it's not kosher. ♪

No!

I hate being a robot.

I'm sure they'll come looking for me.

I'll give it another half hour.

Come on, seriously?

(snorts angrily)

I'm not you, I'm me, Dad!

(grunts)

TINA: Um, hello?

Who-who's there?

What? Who said that?

Me. Over here.

(grunts)

Tina?

Oh. Hi, Jimmy Junior.

What are you doing here?

Oh, I had a fight
with my dad this morning.

He said I have to go to speech
therapy instead of dance club.

"I don't need speech therapy, Dad.

You need dance therapy!"

- I'm sorry.
- So I just needed to go someplace

to spin... things... out!

If you want to be alone,
I can power down.

No, that's okay. Why are you here?

Mr. Branca thought I was an AV cart.

I guess we're both misunderstood.

Yeah. We have thoughts
and feelings, people.

Yeah. I mean, I knew I did.
I didn't know you did.

Tina, you're really easy
to talk to as a robot.

Thanks. I guess it's kind of
like talking on the phone.

Like, how you can say
anything to a telemarketer,

even your deepest, darkest secrets.

I've done that.

(school bell rings)

Well, I guess we have P.E. now.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, should we just ditch and talk?

Yes! Uh, I-I mean, talk away.
I'm all ears.

Well, (chuckles) all microphone.
You get it.

Not really.

So, like,
what's your desert island dance?

Mine's probably the Russian
thing where you squat and kick,

like this. (grunting)

You know, sometimes I feel like
I just notice things, you know?

Like how trees are
really just giant plants.

- Oh, yeah.
- (scoffs) Yeah.

Uh-oh, that's my low-power warning.

I want to keep talking,
but I'm at three percent battery.

Wow, we missed fifth period.
We talked for hours.

Yeah, we totally binge talked.

Can, um... can I walk you home?

Uh, the robot lives at school,

but you can walk me to
the charging station.

Ah! I'm at one percent!
Let's go! Move, move!

Maybe being a robot isn't so bad.

I just had my best conversation
ever with Jimmy Junior.

And it's not like the
bar was set low at all.

Did I tell you the thing about trees?

Yeah, that they're like plants?

- Giant plants.
- Yeah.

Anyway, school's over,
and Gene and I were wondering

if we could take the robot
out for a test drive.

Don't worry, we'll keep it
under five miles per hour, Pops.

Unless it goes over that.
Does it, perchance?

Um, I'm really the only one

that's supposed to use the robot.

Sorry, guys.

Tina, that is not a problem.

We asked, you gave us an answer.

We respect that.

I kind of hate myself
for even asking Tina.

(quietly): Wagstaff after dark.

LOUISE: Okay, what should we do first?

Bump things off Mr. Frond's desk?

Do donuts in the library?

GENE: See if Coach Blevins

is really living under the
bleachers since his divorce?

Well, we got all night.

(Louise and Gene gasp)

The security guard.

- Huh?
- He's coming this way.

What do we do?

Whoa.

(robotic voice): Hello,
human security guard.

Any trouble in the halls tonight?

Well, everything was pretty quiet

till I saw you, robot gizmo thing.

I think I better call this in.

(robotic voice): Don't bother.

I come from headquarters.

I'm the cyber security guard.

What's your name, bro?

Yuli.

Yuli, you seem great.

But we cannot be friends,
because I am your supervisor.

Wait, what?

You mean, "Wait, what, sir?"

Wait, what, sir? Wait, what, sir?

- Sir, sir, sir.
- Sorry, I-I got it.

I'm sorry. Sir, yes.

Don't worry, I'm fun to work for.

Oh, good. I'm fun to employ.

This might work out.

Now go to the cafeteria,

grab three dozen peanut butter cookies

and slide them through the
little slats in the door

of locker 412.

And 319.

Eh, I don't think

peanut butter cookies
will fit through there.

Make them fit!

Okay, okay. Geez!

Seriously, Bob? In bed?

So, not a banjo moment?

Let me check. No.

(chuckles) Good night.

Night.

Bob, I swear to God!

I'm sorry, I thought you were asleep.

I waited.

- Bob.
- Yep.

Tina-Bot, come into the AV closet.

I-I want to show you something.

It's something I haven't shown
anyone, not even Zeke.

A secret and a "Zeke-ret"? Wow.

Um, I've been working
on some poems, you know,

about my life and kind of,
like, things I'm going through.

Poems? Life? Going through? Yes.

And I got this idea to put
poems and music together.

Like... songs?

No, "musoems."

Oh, right.

Here's the first one.

♪ Dad, I used your cologne ♪

♪ 'Cause you won't buy me my own. ♪

And here's another one.

♪ Cars ♪

♪ All the different cars. ♪

And then there's...

♪ My mom's new friend Allen ♪

♪ He's okay. ♪

So I'm still working on that one.

♪ Breakfast! ♪

That one's about breakfast.

And then, um...

♪ What if God's name was Todd? ♪

So you, like, start a new one
before finishing... one?

Uh... well, no.

Like, three of the ones I
sang to you are finished.

Like, the cars is finished.

Lunch delivery. Tina, want some tuna?

Can you knock?

I'm in the AV closet with Jimmy Junior.

What? What are you doing in the closet?

We're having an intimate conversation

and connecting deeply. God!

Hi, Jimmy Junior.

Uh, hi, Mrs. Belcher.

(sniffs) Smells funny in here.
I think it's you.

How long since you left the room?

Mom, just go!

All right, I'm going, I'm leaving.

Have fun spending time
together, sort of.

♪ Watching you from a distant place ♪

♪ I'm calling you from my home base ♪

♪ My satellite's spinning
right out of control ♪

♪ Transmission to the moon,
now my message is go ♪

♪ And the moon is so cold,
it's so cold ♪

♪ I can see food on your face ♪

♪ Watching you... ♪

Uch, it's just like,
get a computer room already.

Man, that bot's wrapped him
around her little wheels.

You know,
she's probably using A.I. on him.

Wait, A.I. like, "As if"?

Yeah. As if.

Oh, my God.

I know.

You two are making me feel smart.

Tina, Jimmy Junior's at the door.

She might be a sec.

(panting)

Hi, Jimmy Junior.

You came down the stairs
like The Exorcist.

Miss Jacobson wanted me to
give you this for homework.

Oh, great.

So, here it is.

It's been a while since we've
seen each other in person.

Yeah, it-it has.

So...

So...

Any new "musoems"?

I'm gonna go.

Oh, okay. Good talk.

Not really.

I didn't see that.

It was a little embarrassing,
but I didn't see it.

God, Mom!

Banjo? (strums banjo)

- Dad, no.
- Bob, no.

Okay. I'll check back in
at another time.

That's odd. I should be
fully charged this morning,

but I'm only at 20% power.

(yawns) Weird.

It's not like the robot is
running around all night,

doing really fun stuff.

Exactly.

All right, who put

20 basketballs in my supply closet?

- (Louise laughs)
- Hey.

Oh, hi, Jimmy Junior.

Hey, did yesterday seem
awkward to you? 'Cause...

Listen, I've decided I'm gonna
perform my "musoems"

for everyone at the bonfire.

But I need you there, as my date.

Oh, wow. That-that's fantastic.

I mean, my crutches might be

a little tricky in the sand, but I...

Your crutches?

Yeah, those things
that go under my armpits.

I call them "pit sticks."

Wait, Jimmy Junior,
are you asking me or the robot?

The robot.

But I don't think of you as a robot.

I think of you as almost a real person.

So, what do you say?

Um...

Okay. It's a date.

Great. Bye.

Hey, that worked out.

You're going to the bonfire.

Uh, yeah, huh.

I guess we're going
robot dress shopping.

I've said that so many
times and it's finally true!

So, Jimmy Junior doesn't like me as me.

He likes me as a robot.
I can work with that.

No relationship is perfect, right?

Uh, a lot of girls have it worse.

Yeah, look at mom.

The important thing is
I'm going to the bonfire.

It'll be my voice and my image
right there on the beach.

Wait a minute.
How do I get the robot to the beach?

It's not even supposed
to leave school. Oh, no!

Tina, we know some people who
might be able to help you.

(quietly): It's us.

So, uh, where's the banjo?

I'm thinking of taking it back
to the thrift store, actually.

Oh, forget about making
that burger to-go.

I will eat it here.

Oh, God, I'm so relieved. (chuckles)

I guess what I'm hearing is

you're not gonna try
and talk me out of this.

(laughs) Well, let's put it this way.

People don't come to Bob's
Burgers for the music, you know?

Yeah.

It's called Bob's Burgers,
not Bob's Banjo.

- Uh-huh.
- (laughs)

It was more "grueling" banjo,
than "dueling" banjo. (laughs)

All right, Teddy, you made your point.

Geez, why you getting so hot?
You're terrible at the banjo.

LINDA: Big beach bonfire

- tonight, huh?
- Uh-huh.

So, you're going, but you're not going,

'cause you're staying here,

but Jimmy Junior's going
and you're gonna do

the thing with the robot?

What part of "virtual robot date"
don't you understand?

It just seems a little... unhealthy.

Mom, I have a relationship now!

A-And, yes, I've stopped
changing socks and underwear,

and, yes, it smells funny in here.

But, sweetie, this can't last.

You got to step out
from behind the robot

and go back to school next week.

Unless you twist your
other ankle or something.

Twist my other ankle. Interesting.

Tina, do not twist your other ankle

just to keep this
wackadoodle thing going.

It's not wackadoodle!

Now, excuse me,

but I've got to check my battery level,

stretch my joystick hand,

and get dressed above the shoulders.

Okay, okay, have fun.

Be home by... Never mind.

You're in good hands, T.

Now, which way is the door?

Hey, slow down there, R-Poo-D-Poo.

A security guard!

Don't worry. This guy's a pussycat.

(robotic voice): How's it going,

human security guard subordinate Yuli?

I'm just popping out
for a smoke break. No biggie.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I talked to the office.

There's no robot security
guard supervisor.

You're a lying piece of sheet metal.

- (gasps)
- Uh-oh.

Okay, I lied.

I'm not a robot security guard.

Aha!

Because I got laid off.

They canceled the program.

- Did you see WALL-E?
- No.

Excellent. What I'm telling
you isn't that story at all.

I'm a lonely robot
that's outlived its job.

Oh, no.

The company wants to recycle me,

turn me into a bunch of smaller,
hotter robots.

Maybe I should make a run for it,

just get on the road

and ride as far as my
charge will take me.

Whoa. That's life stuff. That's huge.

But how will I get out the front door?

I will need someone to
open the front door.

Hey, I could open the front door.

- Yeah, right.
- No, really.

I've got the key, I know the alarm code.

Let me do this one thing for you.

I'm totally lost here.

What was that?

(robotic voice): Nothing. Tina, shush!

Safe travels, robot. Avoid Philly.

Got it.

I feel like I want to go with you.

No.

You need me.

The school needs you. Stay here,

guard this place against
prankster children.

I have to do this on my own.

Hey.

Oh, my God, what?!

Stay in touch.

Do you have e-mail?

I am e-mail.

Tina-Bot, you made it.

Sorry I'm late. A lot of sand.

Also, I had a little trouble
with the volleyball net,

but I won that battle.

Great. Tina two-point-uch is here.

So much for a night of kids bonding.

Now it's just screen time.

Hey, Tina-Bot, uh...

the sign says,
"No motorized vehicles on beach."

(laughs)

Oh, my God, you are a motorized vehicle.

It also says no trash
on the beach, Tammy.

So... what are we gonna do here?

(laughs) Oh, my God, it does say that.

Shut it, Jocelyn.

Whoa, what the hell
is the robot doing here?

Did anyone approve this?

I was told to do everything
a normal student would do.

Well, stay out of the water.

And stay away from the fire.

And watch out for the sand.

And try to have fun.

What'd I miss?

There's some dancing.
I guess I'm dancing.

Is this dancing?

Wow, look at Mr. Frond over there.
He can really shake it.

Yep, everyone's having a great time,
including me.

How's the bonfire going?

Wow, Mr. Frond's a really good dancer.

Oh, here comes Jimmy Junior.

Okay, Tina. It's time.

I'm gonna do my "musoems."

I-I'm pretty nervous,
but I-I'm glad you're here.

Oh, my God, he's coming in!

(moaning)

Oh.

Oh, this is weird.

But I can't not look.

So long, childhood.

This is the worst
episode of The O.C. ever.

Tina, honey, you okay?

You know, the same thing

happened to me when I was your age.

Really?

No, sweetie, this is the first time

this has happened to anyone.

That's it!

Hey, everyone.

It's such a nice night
and we're all together.

And, um...

I've been writing some poems
and putting them to music.

Oh, you mean like songs?

No, they're called "musoems."

I'm just gonna start.

This one is called, uh, "Pants."

♪ Pants are pretty great. ♪

So that one's about pants.

Oh, he's right. That's not a song.

No, it is not. (chuckles)

Okay, here's another one.

♪ How am I supposed
to learn about life ♪

♪ When you won't let me
watch The Good Wife? ♪

Um... all right,
let me just get to the next...

Oh. Um, okay, not that one.

What time is your dad
coming to pick us up?

Um...

♪ Why don't you eat the mushrooms ♪

♪ If they are so good, Mom? ♪

Oh, boy. He's dying.

Tina-Bot? Where's, uh, Tina-Bot?

Tina?

Yes, Jimmy Junior, in person.

Maybe it's more awkward this way,
but at least it's real.

And maybe I need a crutch,
but you can lean on me.

A little bit.

Aw, Tina's his crutch.

Aw.

Okay.

Now, let's hear some "musoems."

Not too many. Leave 'em wanting more.

♪ If you want me to catch ♪

♪ Then don't throw so hard. ♪

I like it.

It's about parents'
expectations being too much sometimes.

♪ What if God's name was Todd? ♪

Jimmy Junior's

our Cat Stevens.

And our cat, Steven. Remember him?

Oh, my God, Lin. This is it.

What is?

(whispers): A banjo moment.

(gasps) I think you're right!

My banjo's in the car.
I was gonna return it.

- Get it, hurry!
- I'm going now!

♪ Animal Planet, what if it was real? ♪

♪ I mean an actual planet for animals. ♪

(banjo playing along)

Keep going. Watch me for the changes.

♪ My left shoe smells,
but my right one's okay. ♪

And, um, that's all I got. Thank you.

- Oh. Uh...
- (scattered applause)

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Wait, are you in our grade?

TINA: Way to go, Dad.

In person kiss?

(both moaning)

I'm gonna step over here.

Hey, Mr. Frond, check it out.
Banjo solo.

Listen, I've been a little hard on you.

But you stepped back
at the right moment.

I respect that.

But I still got to put you in the ocean!

I said get over here! Get in there!

Oh, no, no, no, no, Zeke!

♪ Watching you from a distant place ♪

♪ I'm calling you from my home base ♪

♪ My satellite's spinning
right out of control ♪

♪ Transmission to the moon,
now my message is go ♪

♪ And the moon is so cold,
it's so cold ♪

♪ I can see food on your face ♪

♪ Watching you from a distant place. ♪

JOCELYN: Look at me,
look at me, I'm a robot.

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.