Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 13, Episode 8 - Putts-giving - full transcript

*BOB'S BURGERS*
Season 12 Episode 08

Episode Title: "Putts-giving"
Aired on: November 20, 2022.

Hey.

Mm. Hey. Mm. Hey?

Uh, Tina, do you have
a fly in your hair?

And are you high-fiving it?

No, I was trying to figure
out a more mature look.

I mean, you smell mature.

Tammy's having
a post-Thanksgiving

bonfire beach party on Saturday,

and rumor has it that
her older cousin is coming



and she's bringing boys
from her high school.

Whoa, real-life high school
teens? In the wild?

- With their iPods and goatees?
- Yes.

And that's why I have to
look extra mature.

Which I hope this is.
Or this?

You should wear a business suit

and tell everyone
you're on a conference call.

Do Mom and Dad know about this
mature older teen people party?

Well, I'm kind of waiting
for the perfect moment

to ask them permission.
I tried when Mom was asleep,

but I'm not sure
it really counted as asking.

That's how Dad proposed.
I assume.

Lot of Thanksgiving food
in here, Bob.

- We're just one family, right?
- God.



It's exactly
the right amount, Lin.

Are you worried about
the meal being too amazing?

I just can't find the milk.

Do you think
the turkey drank it?

If it did, that's fine.
It's allowed to do

- whatever it wants in there.
- Oh!

Found it. I don't know how
we're getting it back in there,

so we got to finish this.
Oh, look,

that coupon for the mini-golf
place expires today.

We meant to take the kids
all summer and never did.

Oh, well. It's into the trash
for you, little coupon thingy.

- Zoom. Poop.
- Mother. Father.

Thanksgiving, huh?
Did I RSVP yet?

I mean, we were hoping
you could make it.

Speaking of RSVP'ing, there's
something coming up this weekend

- that I would like to ask...
- Wait, what's happening here?

- Um... um...
- Don't throw that out. That's a 50% off

Mystery Planet World
mini-golf coupon.

That's the most
valuable thing we own.

I know, hon,
but it expires today. Sorry.

We'll do something fun
one day, I promise.

But giant centipedes?
This tentacle thing?

Rudy says this dancing yeti
is amazing. We have to go.

What if we went right now?

Nothing big's happening today.

I know you're kidding.
You're kidding, right?

Think about it.
Going on Thanksgiving means

not many people will be there.

Yeah, because it's cold outside

and people are at home
doing a much better thing.

Dad. We could potentially have

an entire mini-golf course
to ourselves,

like it's ours,

like we're a bunch of
mini madcap millionaires

running around at
our private mini-golf estate.

I think that was an episode
of Succession.

I mean, we could go for
a little bit and then come back

and you'd still have plenty
of time to stick the turkey

in the oven when we got home.

I don't just stick the turkey
in the oven, Lin.

- Yeah. First you kiss it all over.
- Gene.

Wait, they have a snack bar?

With taquitos?
Get me in there!

No. No taquitos.
If you ate taquitos,

you wouldn't have
any room for dinner.

I will make room.

Tina, what do you say...
Thanksgiving mini-golf?

Uh, I mean,
only if Mom and Dad want to.

I just respect
them both so much.

Well, it could be a sort of fun
Thanksgiving family thing to do.

Ooh, I could
sneak wine in a thermos.

No, no. I won't do that.
Maybe. I don't know.

- Please?
- Please?

Fine, as long as we go
for, like, 20 minutes,

and then come right back home
so I can cook.

Between 20 and 95 minutes.

- Okay, yeah. - Yay!
- Yay!

Let me just say goodbye
to the turkey.

Yes! Look how
empty the parking lot is.

That's a good sign, right?

Yeah, like, maybe it's closed?

- Dad. No.
- Sorry.

Come on, come on,
come on, come on!

I'm not gonna run, but trust
me, I am very excited.

This is my new home.

Oh, people. Welcome.

- Hi.
- Every year I stay open, thinking

mini-golf on Thanksgiving
will become a thing,

like going to the movies
on Christmas

or bowling on Mother's Day.
And then I wait and wait,

and just as I'm about
to give up, someone comes.

And it's us.
Happy Thanksgiving.

Oh, great, the one family
that comes today has a coupon.

That's great.

Yeah, sorry.
Coupon.

Excuse me, I'm wondering where
the snack bar is located.

And are your taquitos
locally sourced?

- Gene.
- Here's your putters, golf balls,

scorecard, and your
little pencils.

And remember, here at Planet Mystery
World, your balls won't know what hit 'em.

- Love it.
- Okay.

All right, yeti,
time to eat some spaghetti.

Your little dancing legs
aren't gonna stop me twice.

Wait, this is your
third putt though, right?

Shush, shush, shush.

Yes! There it is.

Mini-golf, yum!

Now your ball can be friends
with all our balls

that have been on that side,
waiting patiently.

I still don't understand
why the yeti

says, "Mini-golf, yum."
He's not eating the balls.

They're basically going
between his legs.

Because he's
the full package, Dad.

When you putt through there,
his legs go super fast.

When you putt through there,
that gets his arms going.

And when you putt
through there, his head spins.

And no matter what hole
you get it through,

he says, "Mini-golf, yum"
because he's a gentleman.

Geez, wouldn't it be great
to see him do all that stuff

at the same time?
I know we're all

- thinking that.
- Mm-hmm.

Okay, yeti hole done.
On to the next one.

Wait, Lin, you-you didn't
tell me what you got.

- Probably same as you.
- Well, I got two.

Yeah, so did I.
Plus two. So, four.

I-I don't think you did,
but fine.

No, I did.
Oh, look at the next hole.

Ooh, army guys being attacked
by giant ants. Political.

- Come on. Here we go.
- Wait, wait, people.

Seems like we're kind of
at the best hole already.

What if we just stayed here
and kept the yeti party going?

But what about
the rest of the course?

Come on, Mom.
This is the kind of thing you can do

when there's no one else here.

I mean, we can do
whatever we want.

When else do we get to
experience this type of freedom?

Naked Thursdays?

I keep telling you
we're not doing those.

You're not doing those.

Anyway, Tina, Gene and I
will catch up to you guys.

Go warm up those crazy
mystery monsters for us.

As long as we're home when
we said we'd be home, I'm good.

All right, fine.
But be safe.

Don't hit each other
with your putters.

You know that's why
my Great Uncle Joe

can't count to more than 15.

Was a putter. In the head.
And quitting school.

Okay, see you soon.
Family!

Sounds good. Love you.

Okay, here's what
I'm thinking, guys.

What if we try to get
our three balls

into the three tunnels
at the exact same time?

Yeti gets sweaty
because now he's got to do

head-spin, arm flap, and
his little dance all at once.

Think about it. This is like
the next stage of his evolution.

It'd be criminal
not to help this yeti

- reach its full potential.
- I'm in.

It sounds like important work
and a little less walking.

Um, I think I'm gonna just play

the actual game
with Mom and Dad.

Ha!
You're kidding, right?

Look, you can do whatever it is
you want to do here,

but I need to stay clean.

Stay clean?

Yes. I want to get permission
to go to

Tammy's possible
high school boys bonfire party.

You want to do that more
than do this cool fun thing

I just made up with the yeti?

I mean, is it going
to be that fun?

Oh, my goodness.

Okay, Tina, I think
you're having, like,

a "boring" flare-up
right now or something.

Or maybe I'm just
having a maturity flare-up.

And you're having
a maturity... flare-down.

- Excuse me?
- 'Cause you're immature.

Oh, really?
Then maybe it's better

if we just don't play together.

Yeah. Maybe it is.

Okay, well, enjoy your dumb game

of regular mini-golf, I guess.

Have fun being immature and
messing something up, probably.

- We will!
- Perfect.

Oof, that was intense.
Taquito break?

Tina calling me immature.
I'm not immature.

She's the immature
dumb-dummy-boob-head.

Yeah, what about
wanting to see a yeti

do a funny dance is immature?

We're basically scientists.

Little ball,
why must you mock me?

Ugh, we wouldn't have needed
to find a third ball

if a certain sister wasn't
messing everything up.

Got it.

You know, I bet once Tina
sees how much fun we're having,

she'll come crawling back.

I'm already having fun.
Although this ground has

a distinct vomit smell
that I don't love.

Oh, yeah.
All right, let's go.

So, Tina, you didn't
want to hang back

with Gene and Louise
and the Bigfoot?

Yeah, I guess I'm just
a little too mature

for that kind of kid stuff.
And, totally hypothetical,

- Yes. Yes...
- what's your stance on bonfire beach parties with...

- Yes! Hole in one!
- Oh.

I got a hole in one!
Ha-ha!

- Um...
- Wow, Lin. Good job.

Still behind, but, you know,
it helps your score.

A little.
Not really.

Hey, I get to ring this bell.

Ha-ho! That's a hole in one!

Unless you cheated or you just
ring any old bell you see.

- I can't tell from here.
- Ha-ha!

Okay, I'm gonna go
hit another hole in one.

Um, Tina and I
are still on this o...

Oh, you're walking away.
That's fine. We'll catch up.

'Cause we're so much quicker
than you. N-never mind.

- Damn it.
- Seven. Lucky number seven.

You know, the ground here
is weird. They need to fix that.

- Damn it. Stupid ground.
- Eight. Eight is great.

I guess you're probably not
looking to have anyone

ask you any questions about
weekend plans right now.

Um, because you're busy
being mad at the ground.

- Which makes sense.
- What's that, honey?

You wanted to ask me something?

- Yeah, um...
- Damn!

- Oh. No.
- Nine.

- You hush.
- Is fine.

Okay, on three.

One, two, three!

- Ugh.
- Mini-golf, yum!

These dang legs
are driving me nuts.

'Cause they're
gorgeous or 'cause they

- keep getting in the way?
- Both.

If Tina wasn't being
such a matur-a-nerd,

we'd have three people,
one for each hole,

and we wouldn't
be having this problem.

Should we give up?
Shake the yeti's hand

and hope we can
still all be friends?

No.
Gene, get your ball.

Get in position, soldier.
Get ready to geti this yeti.

♪ Grab your putter,
grab your ball ♪

♪ Do it all
at Planet Mystery World ♪

♪ Grab your putter,
grab your ball ♪

♪ Do it all
at Planet Mystery World ♪

♪ Putt, putt, putt, putt, putty,
putt-putt, putt-putt ♪

♪ Putt, putt, putt, putt,
putty, putt-putt ♪

♪ Putt, putt, putty,
putty, putt-putt ♪

♪ Putt-putt, putt,
putty, putt-putt. ♪

Okay, I think if I
bank it off the side here,

hard but not too hard,
I've got a shot at it.

I think that's the secret
to this hole.

That's the secret to this
one for sure, I bet.

Lin, I think maybe you're
chasing the dragon a little bit.

You don't need to get
another hole in one.

At this point, just be happy

to get the ball
in the hole at all.

I do need to get
another hole in one, Bob.

I've tasted it. I can't
go back now. You don't know.

Tina, your mom's losing it.
But we still love her.

Yeah. And we'd love for her
to get another hole in one

so she could be happy
and open to talking about stuff.

Like, I don't know,
maybe cool bonfire stuff.

- Oh, come on.
- Or not.

How did I do it before?

I feel like I had something
pure about my swing.

- Now I'm all tight.
- You do look a little stiff.

Did you see how when I did it
I had this loose motion...

- J... Dut, dut, dut, dut.
- Sorry.

That hole in one.
It was effortless. So free.

Who was that Linda?
I want to be that person again.

Don't beat yourself up, Lin.

We're beating you
so badly already.

Tina, what were you saying?

That you wanted to go home

and watch me
make Thanksgiving dinner?

Uh, no.
I mean, yes, so much.

But, uh, yeah,
I was just talking about

a gathering this weekend,
with, um, high school boys.

- High school boys?
- What?

High school boys? What?

No, I was saying,
"Hi, school boys."

Um, oh, where'd they go? Uh,
thought they were right there.

I'm just
gonna, uh, run to the bathroom.

I'll-I'll meet you guys
at the next hole.

Damn it!
Bob, let me try your putter.

- And your ball. Don't look at me.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- Ugh! Is it too much to ask
- Mini-golf, yum!

To get all three balls
in at the same time

to see a yeti
do a bunch of crazy stuff?

- Who said that... Lincoln?
- Hmm.

It'd be easier if we could
get those legs to stop moving.

That's what they said
about that Road Runner.

What if we stick
a putter in there?

That could work, right?

They shouldn't have
given us putters if

they didn't want us
to stick them places.

Yeah.
Now we won't need Tina at all.

So, if she just never
wants to play with us again,

- I guess that'd be...
- totally fine.

There's the Thanksgiving spirit.

I'll stick the putter in,
we'll roll the balls,

and then I'll pull it out
before it starts to dance.

And then our lives
change forever

and we never look back.

Okay, let's get into position.

Aye aye.

Ready? Roll!

- Mini-golf, yum!
- Yes!

Oh, wait, crap... the putter.

Yum... Yum!

- Yum. Yum, yum!
- Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Gene, a little help?
Gene, a little help!

Uh...

Oh, no.

You can barely tell.

Okay, looking good. Dang it!

Why do they have to make
these things

so darn easy to break

when you shove
a metal object in them?

Oh, God. I don't want
to go to mini-golf jail.

I bet the cells are diabolical
little worlds unto themselves.

With Astroturf everywhere.

Oh, this day could not
get any worse.

Whose idea was it
to go mini-golfing

on Thanksgiving, anyway?

Wait, what if we sort of
wedge it in here?

Aah! Yeti, why can't you
hold yourself together?

- You're better than this.
- Ugh. Well,

Tina will be thrilled.
She said

we were gonna break something,
and now she's right

and I hate when
I'm not the one who's right.

Maybe we make a sign that says

"Out of order, but not because
two great kids broke it."

Oh, crap, it's Tina.
Quick,

make the legs look not broken.

Oh, hey, you.

- Hey. Just going to the bathroom.
- Great. Great. Love it.

Don't make the same mistake
I did and assume that outhouse

over there with a wolf man
peeking out of it

is fully functional,
because it is not.

How's your yeti game going?

Uh, amazing, actually.

Really, really fun.
And amazing. And great.

- All of those things.
- We're just taking a little break.

Because it's so fun.
Actually, you know...

exhausting.

From the hooting and the
hollering. Just got to recharge.

Wait, is something wrong
with the legs?

You mean, why do they
look perfect?

Aren't they supposed to be
moving? Are they broken?

- Did you break them?
- What? No.

Well, it looks like
you're holding them up.

Holding them up
is part of the game?

Oops. We lost.

I knew it.
I knew you would break something

doing whatever it is
you were doing over here.

Well, I'd rather
have fun and be immature

and accidentally break something

than be a
"too grown up to hang out

"with her super cool siblings

who invent life-changing
games" person.

Okay. I'm just gonna
pretend I didn't see it

and go back to Mom and Dad.

Well, go to the bathroom
first, obviously,

but then back to them.
So, good luck with this.

Yeah, just go pee. Or poop.
Whatever you're gonna do.

- It's pee. Number one.
- We know what number pee is.

So, Mexico? You, me
and the legs? On the run?

We try to stay one step
ahead of the federales?

Maybe we end up
learning a thing or two?

About life?
About ourselves?

Come on.
You got this, Linda.

Clear your mind.

Nothing in there at all.

- Bob, don't breathe.
- 'Kay.

Aah!
You know what it is?

It's those aliens eating pizza.
They're distracting me.

Really? They didn't distract me.
I like them.

They're interested
in our culture.

They're not interested
in anyone but themselves.

Linda, I'm a little scared
to talk to you right now,

but, um, we lost our kids.

And now we're just
two middle-aged people

playing mini-golf
on Thanksgiving.

One normal, and one... you.

So, how about we just call it,
find the kids, and go?

And then I can cook dinner.

And we could possibly
never do this again.

Bob, I need this.
And I'm going to get

another hole in one
and as soon as I do, we can go.

Also, we're not
playing by ourselves.

Tina still likes us.

She's just in the bathroom.

Oh, crumb bums!
This is your fault.

- I miss Tina.
- And your fault, other alien.

So smug.

Ugh, poor, dumb mini-golf goofs.

Nope, nope.
Going back to Mom and Dad.

Not gonna get involved in this.

I've got a teen party
on the line.

Oh, crap. The manager.
He's gonna see them.

Uh...

Oh, um, uh, excuse me,
mister, uh, mini-manager.

That's my name, ha-ha.
No, it's not. It-it's Michael.

- Uh, what can I do for you?
- Uh, I'm... I was just

wondering, um, could you tell me

what's the story behind... that?

- And keep looking this way while you do it?
- Oh, that?

I had it made for my wife

for our tenth
wedding anniversary.

She didn't want it in the house,
so I brought it out here.

Wow. That's really, really
great and interesting.

Yeah, turns out her and I
have very different ideas

about what makes
a great gift, apparently.

- Uh-huh.
- Oh, that reminds me.

I got to go wipe the bird poop
off the mermaid sculpture.

I made a promise to her
years ago and I'm keeping it.

The mermaid, not my wife.
But my wife

and the mermaid are friends,
so it's fine.

Yeah, you should definitely
go in that direction

and do that right away.
And, uh, take your time.

Okay, I'm done helping.

Fine, still helping.

This is so stupid.

Are we gonna have to
hold these dumb legs up

for the rest of our lives?

I'm sick of holding
up my own legs.

Ugh, let's put them down.

Gene, I don't think
we have any other choice.

We're just gonna have to

go and tell Mom and Dad
that we broke the yeti.

And then Tina will say,
"I told you so"

and then we'll
go to mini-golf jail

and probably have
to make mini license plates.

Do you think
we'll still be allowed

to have Thanksgiving
dinner tonight

before the cops take us away?

Maybe Mom will pack us a little
jail turkey or something.

- Oh, God.
- Guys, wait.

What do you want, Tina?

Yes, we broke this thing

and now we're gonna
get into huge trouble.

You were right, we were dumb.
Happy?

No. Listen, don't
tell Mom and Dad anything.

What? We have to.
There's no way to fix that yeti.

Turns out we're not
the savvy mechanical engineers

- I assumed we were.
- We've leaned it, tilted it,

and leaned it again.
What else is there?

And don't say leaning.
We've tried that.

We need something to replace
this broken rod in here

that the legs rest on
like, um...

oh, this.

That tiny pencil?
But it's so wee.

No, we get a whole
bunch of them.

Oh, my God, Tina,
you're a genius.

Gene, pencils.
Quick, let's go.

I've never run towards a pencil
in my life, but okay!

- Okay, here's the goods.
- And I kept one for myself

to put behind my ear
like an old-timey newspaper man.

Great. So, I'm gonna
jam a bunch of pencils

into this gear thing until it
works again. Fingers crossed.

Oh, God.

I love it.

Are you sure you're
not moonlighting for NASA?

You can tell us, we're cool.

Nice. Got it in two.
Two for Bob.

Yeah, yeah, Tommy Two-Strokes.

Get ready for
Linda Look-at-my-Hole-in-One.

Just as long as you don't

permanently change
your name to that.

Okay. Feeling really, really
good about this one.

No! I-I...

I hit it by accident.
Redo, redo.

Okay, I'll just
put a little asterisk

on the scorecard
and write "redo".

But go ahead and start again.

I will. And if I get it in one,
it counts as one.

Yup. Just gonna
put that asterisk.

We're doing everything we can.
Stay calm.

You're gonna dance again.

Oh, how you'll dance.

Ooh! More customers.

Thanksgiving mini-golf
is officially happening.

Oh, crap. More people showed up.
We got to fix this quick.

- Welcome, welcome!
- Hide.

Planet Mystery World
at your service.

I'm coming right over.

- Hurry, Tina.
- I know, I know.

Push in those
pencils, pencil pusher.

It's the final hole.

This is my last chance.

The power is inside you, Linda.
Find that power again.

Shoot, did I take the butter out
of the fridge before we left?

- Bob! Putting!
- Sorry.

Yes, yes, yes.

No. No. Are you kidding me?!

You're still a wonderful person, Lin.

Don't let mini-golf
destroy you.

Hey, you got
a hole in one in life?

- And at the fourth hole.
- And at the fourth hole.

Which I will remember forever.

Yes. Can we go home now
so I can finally make dinner?

- And have wine?
- And have wine.

All right!
Let's get the kids

- and get the hell out of here!
- Oh, thank God.

M'kay, this seems like
the right amount of pencils,

because that's all we had.
Let's put the legs on.

Hey, kids, wherever you are!

It's time to go home and eat.

Okay, great.
Quick, quick, quick.

And don't bother
asking about the score

because I threw out
the scorecard

and it doesn't matter,
no one cares.

My score was
really good, though.

- Just saying.
- No.

Please let this work.

Legs, don't fail us now.

Okay, let's slowly
let go and step back

and act like everything
we're doing right now

is totally natural.

Yes! I mean, yeah,
this is how his legs work.

And this is how I stand
when I'm being super normal.

Okay, let's wrap it up so we can
head back home to Turkey Town.

Where we belong.

- Ready. - Sounds good.
- Yep, yep.

I want to go do the yeti!

Okay, okay, slow down.
She loves the yeti.

What's not to love?
Great hole. Great yeti.

Yup, yup.

Mini-golf, yum!

Oh, no!

Oh, God. Is
that supposed to happen?

Uh, and we're walking
to the car...

No, wait.

Mom, Dad, Gene and I
have to tell you something.

When I said we'd pay for it
I was really hoping

he would say, "That's okay."
But now we're paying for it.

The kids are paying for it.

Right, but that means
we have to start paying them

so they can pay us.
So, really, we're paying.

- Well, they're grounded.
- And banned.

Banned from a mini-golf course.

Should we leave them somewhere?

Yeah, I'll keep an eye out
for a good spot.

I'd just like to mention again
how sorry we are.

And how Thanksgiving
is a time of forgiveness.

And also, Tina was right.

Gene and I shouldn't have been
messing with the legs.

It was an accident and
it could've happened to anyone.

I mean, dancing yetis?

A lot of moving parts.
A lot that can go wrong.

- Yeah, I guess that's true.
- Yeah, maybe.

Thanks, T.

Dancing yetis is what
I'm gonna call my S-Corp.

There you are.
You look amazing.

I missed you so much
while I was at mini-golf.

You played mini-golf without me?

Wait, you like mini-golf?

Of course I
like mini-golf. I'm a turkey.

Right, right,
sorry. I'll-I'll take you next time?

- Good.
- Next year, I'm just gonna

sit on the couch,
have some wine, not shower

and watch the parade on TV
like a normal person.

Happy Thanksgiving, Bob.

Happy Thanksgiving, Lin.

Mwah.

Ooh, you already
have mashed potatoes

in your mustache, somehow.

Oh, God, I do.

- Ha! Mash-stache.
- Mm.

Sorry we got you grounded

and you have to
miss the party, Tina.

With the high school boys
farting

their high school farts
all over the beach.

Yeah. But there will be other
high school boys parties.

In high school, I'm assuming?

Hey, um, also sorry for, uh,

sort of being jerky earlier.

And for calling you
a dumb-dummy-boob-head.

You called me that?

Not to your face, but yeah.

I'm sorry too. I was a little
on a high horse today.

And not just 'cause of that
one hole we played that

had that really big horse
being ridden

by another smaller horse.

You were kind of amazing today.

I mean, it didn't work for long.
But it worked for a minute.

Thanks. And, hey,
it was pretty mature of you

to tell Mom and Dad the truth.

We're grown-up folk now.
I drink seltzer.

Louise, I know we're not
always going to want

to do the same things,
but I'll always have your back.

- Same here.
- And I've got all your backs, too.

I'll never put anything
ahead of my sisters.

- Kids. Dinner.
- Turkey!

- Get out of my way!
- Hey. Ow!

Gene, watch it!

♪ Three, two, one, roll ♪

♪ With just one goal ♪

♪ Got to get it just right ♪

♪ To make the yeti go ♪

♪ Head spin, arm flaps ♪

♪ Legs do their tippy-tap ♪

♪ All at once is a vision ♪

♪ But only with precision ♪

♪ Three, two, one, roll,
just one goal ♪

♪ Got to get it just right
to make the yeti go ♪

- ♪ Sometimes the legs fall off ♪
- ♪ Say what? ♪

♪ But then Tina
comes and saves your butt ♪

- ♪ Mini-golf, yum! ♪
♪ - Three, two, one, roll ♪

♪ With just one goal ♪

- ♪ Got to get it just right to make the yeti ♪
- ♪ Yeti go ♪

- ♪ Three, two, one, roll ♪
- ♪ Mini-golf, yum! ♪

- ♪ Y-Yum, y-yum ♪
- ♪ Mini-golf, yum! ♪

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