Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 13, Episode 7 - Ready Player Gene - full transcript

Wow, a virtual reality arcade.

Is this for real?

I mean, I know it's not,

'cause it's virtual, but still.

I love fun things that are
steps from where I live.

Question, how does one do VR?

You don't just do VR,
you experience it.

Have you experienced it?

No, but I've watched
videos online

and I've read message boards
and I've meditated about it

and I'm sure that
when I actually do it,



it'll be the greatest thing
that's ever happened to me.

- You also said that about bread bowls.
- And roller shoes.

Yeah, but this is different.

It's like if reality and
computers had a baby

and that baby made you
happier than any real baby could.

Hey, kids. How was school?

I don't know. Pretty
sure I went to it.

All I can think
about is this now.

I know, right?

I came out here to sweep,
but I really just wanted

to look in the window again.

I think I'd like to
experience a reality

that's different from this one.

No offense,
you're-you're all great.



It's opening tomorrow is
what I'm getting from that.

High five!

That-that wasn't
our best high five.

It wasn't our worst.

Remember that time on the couch?

When I sprained my shoulder?

Yes. It still hurts.

Anyway, we're
definitely doing this...

$45 per hour?

- Ooh.
- Ooh.

Yeah, we're not doing
that. Sorry, Gene.

Hey, don't look now,
but Mom's staring at us.

Uh-oh, she
knows I'm not sweeping.

Come inside, I'm lonely.

Oop, I made eye
contact. We better go in.

- Yeah.
- It's like a dog in the pound or something.

But sadder.

What? $45 an hour for VR?

Geez, did we get into
the wrong business?

Did you just figure that out?

Yeah. Sorry, kids,
but we can't afford

to spend $135 for you to play

virtual reality
games for an hour.

This guy with math, huh?

It took me a while.

Mother, father, I've
decided I'll pay for my ticket

with my own money.

Because if I can't
experience VR,

then I have no use for R.

- Really?
- I thought you were saving up for something.

A turntable. And you
were gonna call it Mabel.

Or Betty Grable. That was then.

I'm a VR man now.

Tina, Louise, how about
you use your own money

and come with me?

We could be virtual siblings.

No offense, Gene,

but if we have to
spend our own money,

then my answer
is no friggin' way.

Yeah, that's a "Mom and Dad's
money only" situation for me.

But they don't love us
enough, and that's fine.

I have menu tower.

I don't love when you
kids do menu tower.

It's good if people
can read them

and use them to make
decisions about the food.

Great, Dad. Now
look what you did.

- I didn't do it. Mm.
- Well, your attitude did.

- What you doing, counting your money?
- Yeah.

Looks like you've saved a lot.

$93.38.

And a Canadian coin
that I'll never spend

because it's called a Loonie.

Gene, I got excited
about the VR place, too,

but are you sure
you want to spend

all your money on it?

You've been saving
up for so long,

which has been
surprising to none of us.

Oh, I'm sure.

- And, Dad?
- Yeah?

I'd like to pay for
you to come with me.

Oh-oh, that's really nice, Gene,

but I'd, you know, I'd rather

you spend your money
on something for yourself.

But I want to share
this with someone,

and you seem the
most interested.

Plus, what if I go alone

and I get stuck in the VR world?

Not that that would
be bad, necessarily,

but I'd want someone
there with me

that knows my bedtime routine.

Hey, how about this?
I-It's a lot of money.

Do me a favor before you decide

and just sleep on it, okay?

All right. The ones
and fives will be cushy,

but I'm worried the
coins will stick to my face.

No, don't actually
sleep on your money.

Money is dirty.

Okay, Mr. Mixed Signals.

And brush your teeth, Gene.

You're all over the place.

Oh...

Oh.

Hmm. I'll fly to the end of
the universe. Then smoothies.

Oh...

- Oh.
- Asteroid punch. Asteroid punch.

-Ooh. -Power up. Laser slice.

Oh...

High score.

Mm.

Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad.

- Dad. Dad.
- Huh? Wh-what... what?

I've decided. We're going.

Let's start picking
out an outfit for you.

It's 6:00 in the morning.

So we have time to
try different options.

I'm gonna sleep
a little bit more.

You lay out some outfits for me.

Mm. Pick out
something for me, too.

Even though I'm not going.

Okay.

Whoa, easy there, buddy.

Why don't you do
whatever it is you're doing

away from our
incredible project?

Or just sit very still until
it's time for you to leave.

Sorry, I'm just doing
some warm-ups.

Virtual reality is
probably gonna be

pretty physically demanding,

and I want to be limber.

You do the same thing
before we go to a buffet.

Ready. Father, are you
ready to have your mind blown?

- Um, yes.
- Louder!

Yes, I'm-I-m ready.

There's my papa. Now let's go.

Oh. Okay, bye.

Bye. Have fun.

I hope you don't
turn into Trons.

Uh, see you guys in a bit.

I mean, hopefully
not the menu tower.

Don't listen to him, menu tower.

- You're beautiful.
- He's jealous.

So, what are you gonna make
your virtual wiener look like?

- Is that a thing?
- I assume so.

Two tickets, please.

I'm treating the old
man to the ride of his life.

Who knows how much time he has,

- so make it good.
- You got it.

He wanted to use his own money.

He normally doesn't
buy things for me.

I do if he's a good little boy.

We'll take your
finest VR experience,

and extra-interesting
wieners, please.

I don't understand
the wiener thing,

but, uh, follow me.

Ooh, Dad, they have Beat Bakin'!

I don't know
what that is, but yeah.

It's one of the best games.

It combines baked goods with VR,

so... Mama likey.

Oh, that one's actually
not up and running yet.

I think you're thinking
about Beat Bakin',

B-A-K-I-N, with an apostrophe.

This is Beat Baking,
which is similar,

but also significantly
different enough

to be considered its own game,

and not a derivative copy.

Uh, I'm required to say that.

-Oh. -Oh, okay.

Let's get this party VR-ted.

All right, you're
all strapped in.

Uh, remember, do not try to
remove the headsets yourselves.

These should only be
removed by an employee,

which is me.

Uh, okay, I think
we're ready to go.

My name's Nick. Call
me if you need me.

But, uh, you won't
need me 'cause you'll be

on top of a mountain!

Great. This is
gonna be fun, Gene.

Yep, $90 to change
my life forever.

Goodbye, old
life, you sick joke.

You should know some
people may experience

dizziness or nausea.

- Oh, um...
- Also, I'm not responsible for seizures.

- Wha-What?
- Let's go. We're wasting virtual daylight.

Okay dokey.

- Huh. Okay.
- Dad?

- Gene, where are you?
- Right here. What do I look like?

You look like a potato holding
mountain climbing equipment.

You look like,
yeah, like a potato.

- An athletic potato?
- Mm, yup, yup.

So this is what
being outside is like.

Look at us, climbing
a mount... whoa... mountain.

Oh, your arms are backwards now.

Did you do that on purpose?

I don't know. Uh-oh.

None of this makes
me nauseous at all.

Aah! What happened?

My arms just turned
into legs, I think.

I mean, it's fun, but
it doesn't seem like

the best idea for
mountain climbing.

- Uh, Nick?
- I'm Gene.

No, I-I'm calling for the guy.

Nick, are you there?

Uh, I think we need some
help with how great this is going.

Whoever said "ain't
no mountain high enough"

was sorely mistaken.

- Nick. Nick.
- Hi. Is there a problem?

I was on my phone, and
then you seemed to be

- yelling a lot.
- Yeah. Hey, uh,

there might be something
wrong with the game.

- Really?
- I mean, my dad's arms are on backwards,

and my arms are legs,

and we're both sliding
down the mountain

unathletically.

Oh, yeah. Wow. Look at that.

Yeah and I-I'm
feeling a little dizzy.

Well, I told you you might.

I still don't like it.

All right, here. How about this?

Why don't I move you on

to one of our other
amazing games,

and I'll take a
look at this one.

Please take the
headset off. Hurry.

I-I'm gonna close my
eyes. Oh, thank you.

This doesn't count
against our hour, right?

No, no, no, no. I
mean, yes, but no.

- So, no?
- Exactly. But yes.

Careful, Tina, careful.

This is the most important thing

anyone's ever done in the world.

Do you think I don't know that?!

Hey, kids. Whoa!

Check out that menu tower.

Is that the tallest
you've ever gotten it?

Yeah. We're in
uncharted territory.

It's true. In the past,
we've had some... hiccups.

Hey, I'm back.

- No! -No!
- Let's get him!

- Mom! -Oh, my God!
- Murder her!

- Honest mistake.
- Yep. -Gene...

Yeah, So I'm gonna
need everybody

to stop breathing, okay?

The air might knock it over.

If you have to
breathe, go outside.

Yes, ma'am.

You know what
I'm thinking, Tina?

I'm thinking we might
be able to go all the way.

- All the way? N-No.
- Yes.

What's "all the way" mean?

Up to the ceiling, Teddy.

It's a dream we never
thought would come true.

Until today.

Careful, Mom. No
swinging doors open.

Oh, sorry. Wow.

You got another row on there.

Getting taller and wider.

There's talk of
going all the way.

We're gonna need more menus.

Do we still have the
ones with the misprint?

The ones where we
spelled "burger" "boogers"?

- I thought it was "French flies."
- It was both.

Girls, I know I've
been the cool mom

letting you do this menu tower,

but I think we got to call it.

I mean, what if a
customer comes in?

Why would that happen?

Plus, they'll be in awe.

They'll be like,
"I'm eating a burger

in the presence of greatness."

They'll probably tell
the newspaper to come.

Or at least a great
menu tower blog.

I don't know, kids.

We got to at least
pretend to be a restaurant.

Come on, Linda,
don't you want to be

part of something
for once in your life?

Yeah, you should
want us to succeed.

- We're your children.
- Yeah.

Okay, fine, I'll get the other
menus from the basement.

But this comes down before
Gene and Dad get back.

I'm a responsible
business owner.

I'm proud of you, Linda! Ooh.

Are we moving?

I can't tell.

But this virtual
water is impressive.

I think I can feel it
splashing on my arms.

That's me. I'm
spraying water on you

to make the game more immersive.

Is it working?

It's kind of making
me have to pee.

Oh, uh, I'll stop. Don't
pee on the Jet Skis.

At least I'm not dizzy anymore.

Just, ugh, seasick.

Just look at the horizon.

Actually, don't.

It keeps disappearing
and then reappearing

and also rotating?

Make up your mind, horizon!

Easy, Mom. Easy.

There we go.

Thanks. You have a restroom?

- No.
- Tell him to go outside. Please.

Can you walk very slowly?

Uh, yeah, I think so.

Oh, God. Okay, just...

Maybe don't swing your
arms so much. Thank you.

- That was close.
- Too close.

Should we just
close the restaurant?

No, we're not
closing the restaurant.

Should we put it to a vote?
Closing the restaurant?

Maybe for good? Just
do this professionally?

- No.
- Well, shoot, you're outvoted.

So don't be a sore loser, Mom.

Uh, flying should
be pretty fun, right?

Looks fun from here.

Did you start?

The guy said if
you flap your wings

you'll fly faster.
You want to try that?

Okay. Going faster.
Aah, too fast! Too fast!

- Whoa!
- Okay, good.

Uh, I-I'll be right back.

Um, keep playing.

Excuse me. Hi.

Hey, how about that
flying game, huh?

That fan makes
it feel like the air's

blowing right in your face.

Actually, the fan might be
just blowing dust around.

But we have a bigger problem,
which is the game is bad,

like the other ones were, also.

What? No, they're not bad.

Uh, they're just,
you know, buggy.

And all the stuff
doesn't always work.

Uh-huh, right. Well, you know,

my son spent all his
money buying the tickets.

I was wondering
if there was a way

he could maybe get
some of it back, or all of it?

Sorry, can't do that.

It's against the owner's
policy to give refunds

after customers play the games.

- Can I talk to the owner?
- He's not answering my calls.

- What?
- Yeah I've been calling him. He won't answer.

- I-Isn't this the first day?
- It's a soft opening.

- Yes, very soft.
- Ouch.

Can you do something
to make up for

how awful this has
been so far? Sorry.

Listen, I can't do refunds,

but I can do
another hour for free.

And I'll troubleshoot
everything tonight,

watch some tutorials
and talk to my cousin.

He knows a lot about VR.

Don't you know a lot about VR?

Yes. So more things
might work tomorrow.

- You want to come back then?
- Uh, great.

So free more of this.

- You're welcome.
- Hey, buddy,

h-how you doing in there?

Okay. Uh, looks like
you're back in the air.

That's good, right?

I can't tell. I
think my tears are

blurring up the headset.

- Oh, boy.
- No crying in the headsets, please.

Sorry, I'll just cry virtually.

- So that was...
- A complete waste. You and Mom were right.

I should have saved my money.

I could have bought a turntable

and then made my
all-scratching album

called The Tables Have Turned.

I'm sorry, Gene. Are you okay?

Yeah. It's not your fault that
a boy's hopes and dreams

- can be murdered in cold blood.
- Uh-huh.

All those years of birthday
card money down the drain.

This is worse than
when I actually flushed

that birthday money
down the drain.

Yeah, that was not smart.

I'm sorry, I can't get
your money back,

but I got you an extra
hour of VR for free.

We-we can go tomorrow.

And you can save
more, eventually.

Yeah, but it's
gonna take forever.

Between you and me, my
job doesn't pay that well.

Oh, no.

"Oh, no" you love it?

Before you say
anything, try to appreciate

the craftsmanship.

I've never seen
them so focused, Bob.

- Please let us keep it up.
- Yeah, please.

I want to see how
high they can go.

I need to see. Please!

- Please.
- Please.

I'm surprised you let the
girls keep the menu tower up.

I just couldn't handle
seeing all three of my kids

have their hearts
broken today, Lin.

One was enough. I
don't want to be dramatic,

but I think that VR place
took Gene's childhood.

Well, you know, there's
disappointment in life.

I guess 11 years old
is maybe an okay time

to get a little mud
in your muffin.

I mean, I definitely got
a lot of mud in my muffin

when I was a kid,
but I was hoping

he wouldn't have
to have any mud,

or very little mud.

I'm not sure how
that metaphor works.

Anyway, this was big.

All of his savings.

I hope we can have fun tomorrow.

I don't know why
you want to go back

to that stinking
goggle computer place.

Because maybe
it could fix things.

We-We'll go and we'll have fun.

And I won't get that
nauseous, and if I do,

I'll just pretend that I like it

and it'll be like none
of that happened today

and Gene will be happy again.

I'm gonna go see how he's doing.

Okay. Bring me back
food. See if we have muffins.

- Are you awake?
- Yeah I was just thinking about

all the other things
that I'm excited about

that are probably
not that great.

Like going to Europe.
I'm guessing the whole,

"I see London, I see France,

I see someone's
underpants" thing is a lie.

And heaven.

Gene, I'm sorry we didn't
get your money back,

but hopefully when
we go tomorrow

it'll be more fun, and
you'll feel better about it.

Yeah. Oh, and home ownership...

That must be disappointing, too.

I wouldn't know about that.

Are you saying we rent?

Steady, steady.

So you're trying to
get it up to the ceiling?

- Yes.
- And then what?

And then we win.

Uh-huh. Any chance we can win

before we open and
celebrate by cleaning up?

Don't rush 'em, Bob.

They don't like it
when you rush 'em.

They get very snippy.

Okay, well, Gene,
let's go to the VR place

and I'll pretend I'm not
rooting for a small earthquake.

Oh, good, it's still standing.

Standing proud, standing tall.

Uh, I brought some
scaffolding stuff,

-just in case -Oh, my God.

Hey, just-doesn't-get-it guy,

close the door slowly.

Hi. We're back
and ready for this

to go really well this time.

Okay, hey, good news.

I got Beat Baking
up and running.

Oh, Gene, did you hear
that? You were excited

- about Beat Bakin', right?
- Yeah.

Again, it's Beat
Baking, not Beat Bakin'.

- No. Right.
- Two different games.

- Sure.
- One is the popular one, one is this one.

- Right.
- And both are fun.

Uh, great.

- So, Gene, you want to play it?
- Sure.

Let's get beat bakin'.

- "Baking."
- Yup.

All right, when
the music starts,

hit all the cake batter
ingredients that fly at you,

and you have to
do it on beat, so, uh,

having rhythm helps.

- Sorry, Dad.
- I'll try my best.

Okay you're all set.

Oh, I got to take
this. It's my boss.

Uh, I kinda want
to talk to him, too.

Yeah, totally. I'm
gonna start this up

and, uh, I'll be back.

Hey, look how
big these spoons are.

- This is already great.
- Begin.

Oh, it's
starting. Here we go.

Kind of fun. Eggs.
Flour, flour. Milk.

It is sort of fun.
Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!

- Pew, pew, pew!
- Hi-yah! Hi-yah! Hi-yah!

Take that, and that!

Oh, no. What's happening?

I-I don't know.

Uh, maybe it's about
to get more exciting?

Like how things get glitchy
before they get really good?

Dang it,
everything here is broken!

This is not fun! I quit! I quit!

How do you get
this headset off?!

Uh, I don't know.

I-I think he tightened
something in the back.

Where's Nick?

Hey, uh, Nick,

can you help us with
these headsets?

No, no, I haven't been paid.

I set up this whole thing
and I haven't been paid.

Well, I'm not getting
off the phone until

you put a paycheck in my hand.

Yes, I know how phones work.

Okay, nobody's coming and nobody

hears me screaming
and I-I can't take this off.

We're trapped!
This is virtually and literally

the worst thing
that's ever happened!

Jamiroquai, give me strength!

All right, let me try to
get your headset off.

- Oh, God, I feel sick.
- Hurry.

If you vomit in VR,
you vomit in real life!

It's not coming off.
I can't find the latch.

Aah! I'm trapped

in the worst financial
decision my heart ever made!

One more layer,
and we're at the ceiling.

I can't believe
I'm witnessing this.

Phew. Lot of pressure.

Uh, Tina, you want
to do the honors?

What? Me?

Only because I,
um... I can't reach.

Yes, you can. There's a ladder.

That's how they work.

Well, uh, I want you to do it

because I'm nice.

Whew. Okay, fine.

Here I go.

I can't do it! My
hands are sweaty.

They're shaky and sweaty.
They're like sprinklers.

All right, I'll do it. I'll
just go up the ladder

and not ruin everything
we've worked for.

Or, you know who
should do this? Teddy.

He's been sitting
on the sidelines

for too long, waiting
to get into the big show.

Oh, yeah. I can see that.

Me? Uh, yeah, um, I can't.

I'm afraid of ladders.

- But it's your ladder.
- I know. Crazy, right?

Well, maybe this is a
good stopping point?

Yeah. Maybe we've flown
close enough to the... ceiling?

Ugh. I'm not really
afraid of ladders.

I'm just too scared to do
it. I actually love ladders.

Hey, are you kidding me?

I've been watching
this thing for two days

and you're not gonna finish?

Look, if you do it and you fail,

so you get a little
mud in your muffin.

But if you don't try at all,

you'll regret it for
the rest of your life.

You're trotting out the old
"mud in your muffin" thing

- again, huh?
- Yeah. I said it to your father

last night, and then
he looked at me like,

"Wow, you're the
smartest person ever."

- I'm gonna say it more often.
- Oh, cool.

Ugh. Mom's right.
We can't quit now.

Yeah. We've come so
far, so, why don't you do it?

- You do it.
- No, you do it.

Okay, fine, we'll
just do it together.

Uh, not sure if that goes
against ladder safety codes.

It does, but, uh, I won't tell.

Okay.

Oh, God, careful.
Careful. Careful.

I think I'm gonna cry.

Yay!

That was beautiful.
Wow.

Huh. I'm not sure what
to do with my life now.

Yeah, that tower
gave us purpose.

Now we have nothing.

Should we... crash it?

- Oh, yeah. Aah!
- Aah!

- Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Wait. What? No!

Okay, fine.

Why are these things so secure?

I miss real life.
I want to be a real boy!

Nick!

What do you mean you
want to sell me the business?

I work here. You give me money.

I don't give you money.

Huh. That's kind of interesting.

Let me see if I
can raise the cash.

Love you, too, Dad.

Damn it! It's no
use. I can't get it off.

Oh, God, I'm so dizzy.

Aah! Why did we come back

to this futuristic
nightmare of a place?

Oh. I'm sorry I brought
you back here, Gene.

It's just... Ugh.

I felt awful that you spent
all the money you saved up

on this horrible place and I
just wanted to make it okay.

I-I... I'm
your parent, so,

I-I don't want
disappointing things

to happen to you, ever, I guess.

I think I feel the same way.

And...
Yes, this place is bad.

And spending all your money
on it was not a great decision.

- Ugh.
- This is getting a little hurtful.

But I can't protect you from
every disappointing thing.

I-I want to, but I-I can't.

And it wouldn't be good
if I could do that anyway.

Maybe it's just better
to kind of accept

that there are gonna be...

disappointments.

And then, you don't have
to be so weighed down,

and you can just
see the good in stuff.

Oh, my God, what are
my arms doing now?

- This place is awful.
- You look like

one of those
inflatable tube dancers,

how you looked when you were
trying to dance at that wedding.

You're wiggling,
too, by the way.

You look like me trying
to dance at that wedding.

Hey, Gene, look at
this. Backwards wiggling.

Is this how disco started?

I-I would almost enjoy this
if I wasn't about to throw up.

I bet you say
that to all the girls.

Hey, sorry. I'm
back. How we doing?

You don't seem great.

Well, Nick, the
game's glitching a lot,

and we're trapped
in the headsets.

Cool. Just wrapped up a
quick chat with my former boss.

Speaking of, do you
guys want to hear

about a fun
investment opportunity?

- No, thank you.
- Oh. Okay.

Uh, want me to get you
out of these headsets?

- Can we stay in a little longer?
- Really?

Yeah. You know, it
just got kind of good.

Our real arms would
break if we danced like this.

Dumb real arms.
Is that okay, Dad?

- Uh, yeah.
- It got good?

I mean, of course it did.

And, you know,
while you're at it,

think about that investment
thing I was talking about.

- You got it, bro.
- Oh.

- May I... have this dance?
- Sure.

- Mm, mm, mm, mm.
- Don't throw up.

- Mm. Mm.
- Don't throw up.