Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 10, Episode 7 - Land of the Loft - full transcript

♪ You just ate two
burgers really fast ♪

♪ And it wasn't weird or
gross at all to watch, yeah! ♪

What song is that? I like it.

All right, Becket and Maya
should be here any minute.

Aw, I can't wait.

I don't want their burgers to get cold.

Ooh, I'll just hold them close
to my body to keep them warm.

- Wait. Who's coming in?
- Becket and Maya.

- Oh, that artsy-smartsy couple?
- Yeah. God, I love them.

So, they came in here, met
you guys, ate your food,

and now they just keep coming
back again and again and again?



Who does that? It's creepy.

- Um, well, I mean...
- Right?

So, what, are you
guys restaurant friends

or, like, friend-friends?

It seems like they want
to be friend-friends.

Ah, that's good. That's great. Wow. Ah!

Oh, they just parked.
How does my hair look?

- It's fine. Wait, hold on.
- What?!

Never mind. It's fine.
It's fine. It-It's too late.

Come out of the rain, you two.

- Bob and Linda!
- Hey, guys.

Uh, sorry about my
hair. How-how are you?

- We're good.
- Yeah.

We were craving fried
clams, so we decided



to drive up the coast to this
great little place on the water.

It doesn't even have chairs.

Oh, I love your lives.

Driving around, looking for
clams, not sitting on chairs.

Unfortunately, it was closed.

-Aw.
-I know, right? But on the way back,

we came across a glass blowery,

and the guy taught us how to blow glass.

So now we know how to blow glass.

Um, well, it's not fried
clams, but here's your order.

Hey, Maya had an urge for fried clams.

I will always just have
an urge for your burgs.

- See? Creepy.
- We both love your burgers.

We love you guys so much! I mean, what?

Hey, what are you guys doing tonight?

- They're busy.
- Teddy.

We were gonna watch
The Earl Grey Murders.

It's a British detective show.

We watch it with the subtitles,
so it's like reading a book.

Well, if you're feeling spontaneous

and want to brave the weather,

we're having a little
thing at our place tonight.

Aw. What kind of little thing?

Well, we live in the
old Hubcap Building.

You-you know, the artist lofts?

Artist lofts.

Yeah, people sort of take turns hosting.

We're doing it tonight.

People drink, hang out, eat
some food, play some music.

- That sounds awful.
- Teddy.

Things get going around
10:00 or 10:30 or so.

Wait. At night? What
are you, the Lost Boys?

- Look, no pressure.
- No pressure.

We get it. You guys have kids.

- At least three of 'em.
- Uh, we might have had too many.

Here's the address. If
we see you, we see you.

Have a nice night.

- (door opens, bells jingle)
- We will, Maya.

TINA: Mom, Dad, we want to show
you the game we made up.

Uh-huh.

Stop what you're doing and
look at your sweet-ass children!

You kids are so wound up. I'm
trying to watch the weather.

It's cold! It's rainy!

Oh, look again! It's gonna be cold

and rainy some more,
like it's been all week!

Okay, calm down. Calm down, sweetie.

You kids are just a
little stir crazy today.

It's time for you to brush your
teeth and get ready for bed.

Wait. We didn't show you our game.

- It's called Throw Louise.
- Mm-mm.

All right, now get into position.

- I'll be the basket. (groans)
- Kids.

- Grab my heinie at least!
- Kids.

Don't really throw your sister, Tina.

The game's called Throw Louise, Mom.

- Kids.
- And here we go.

- Aah! Oh.
- No!

- Oh, my God!
- You spilled my TV-watching wine!

That was the end of
our last bottle! God!

Kids, go get ready for bed!

I'm pretty much ready.

I'm already dripping in eczema cream.

I think I could squeeze
half a glass out of this.

- Don't, though, right?
- Right.

I'm just gonna suck on
the rag once real quick.

Oh. Oh, God, that rag's disgusting.

I love you.

Well, should we put on
The Earl Grey Murders?

Yeah.

INSPECTOR COLLINS (on
TV): Oh, hello, Herbert.

I see you're back from the country.

HERBERT: I am. We were planning
on staying until Sunday,

but then it was already
Saturday, and it felt too long.

- And then...
- The murder?

HERBERT: Exactly, so that's
why we came back today.

-(Linda grunts)
-What's going on? Do you have to pee?

- No.
- Poo?

Yes, but that's not why I paused it.

I just realized this
show is so frickin' boring

when I don't have wine.

So, should we watch something else?

Wha-What do you want to do?

Maybe we should do
something actually fun?

- Sleep?
- No, Bob, listen.

This is gonna sound a little crazy,

but I think we should go out.

Out of the room?

No, out out. Out of the house.

Let's go to Maya and Becket's party.

Tonight? You want to leave now?

Look, Becket and Maya said if
we were feeling spontaneous,

we should go to their party.

Well, I'm feeling spontaneous.
We can try and get a sitter.

You want to get a sitter and go
to a party that starts at 10:00?

Yeah. We can call Jen.

Well, Jen will probably say no

'cause it's so last-minute, but okay.

I'm calling her. Hey, Jen, it's Linda.

I know. Phones say names now.

So this is super last-minute,

but could you possibly babysit tonight?

Hmm. I guess I could
put some things on hold.

All right! Come on over!

I can't believe it!

- We're going out.
- Okay, so, uh, we're doing this?

I'll, uh, I'll-I'll tell my body

to stay awake a little
longer, and it... just will.

LOUISE: So one minute
we're going to bed,

and the next minute
you're leaving the house?

You know it's dark outside, right?

Are you guys in the Mafia?

We're going to a building party

at our new friends' building.

Yeah, you're in the Mafia.

And I understand that Jen
is coming over to watch us?

Yes, she is.

Oh, cool. Cool. Cool.

Just curious, not upset,
but why am I not babysitting?

'Cause it's late, Miss Missy.

You got to go to sleep.
You can't sleep and sit.

- Hello.
- (all scream)

Oh, my God, Jen, you scared us!

Sorry. The door was unlocked?

Uh, no, it wasn't.

After I unlocked it, it was.

I guess I still have a key.

Oh, we're in good hands.

You guys get out of here. Have fun.

Sorry it took me longer than
I expected to get over here.

My hot cousin was
worried about the weather,

so he let me borrow his truck,

and he had to show me how to drive it.

Your hot cousin?

Yeah, tell us about that.

I have a lot of cousins.
He's the hot one.

Well, glad you're here.
We're gonna head out.

All right, kids, the
second that door shuts,

I want you to go straight to bed.

Jen, we should be home around midnight?

Oh, my God, that's so late.

(exhales) We're doing this.

All right, let's go! Got to stay awake!

And do I come with you
guys, or I stay here?

Here, Jen, you stay here.

I'm gonna stay with you guys.

Kids, go to bed! And
stay out of my room!

♪ We're going to a loft party,
we're going to a loft party! ♪

♪ Loft party, here we
go, Bob, loft party ♪

♪ Living out our dreams,
loft party, yeah. ♪

Ugh. I forgot to poop before we left.

Ooh, gas station. Pull over.

Okay, sure.

(whoops) Gas station poop.

- Gas station poop. Come on, Bob.
- Uh...

Time for bed, children. Good night.

Great call, Jen. Damn
it, she's crushing this.

Whoa. There's an ice cream
truck parked right outside.

Oh, the lord of sweets has
answered my prayers tonight!

Okay, Tina, let's pool your
money and head down there.

Who do I pool my money with?

Um, I'm sorry to break your bubbles,

but that ice cream truck
isn't in service at the moment.

- How do you know that?
- 'Cause I drove it here.

- Your cousin's truck is an ice cream truck?
- Yes.

Why are we talking when we
could be eating ice cream?

There's no ice cream in the truck.

Uh, nice try, but why
would there not be ice cream

in an ice cream truck,
Jen? We're not idiots.

- Let's get her!
- Aah!

Please don't get me.

There's no ice cream in the
truck 'cause it's winter.

Aah! I believe her.

But it's still an ice cream truck.

I mean, shouldn't we go inside of it?

When are we gonna get this chance?

- Tina, I love it.
- Yeah. I'm not in charge.

I'm just a kid, damn
it. Let's let loose!

And maybe there's some
sprinkles on the floor.

I'm not above floor sprinkles.

So, Jen, look, in order
to get us to sleep,

we're gonna need to go in the truck.

- Okay. That makes sense.
- Oh. Great.

All right. I feel so
alive! I'm young again!

Okay, we're here.

Should we maybe call Jen real
quick and check on the kids?

They're sleeping. I'm sure they're fine.

Well, Gene's been falling
out of bed a lot lately,

but he's soft, so
he'll probably be okay.

(music playing)

What?! No way!

Bob and Linda came to our party!

We did it! We brought snacks.

Sorry, they're from the gas station.

Gas station snacks. Love it.

Long story. I clogged
a gas station toilet.

Not a long story. Ooh, is that crab dip?

Drinks?

- Yes, please.
- Yup, yup, yes, now. Now!

Mmm. Oh. (coughs)

That's good. That's-that's,
that's strong.

Mmm. Oh. Wow.

This drink has herbs in it.

It's like a little
alcoholic salad in there.

I think I'm already drunk.

Look at us, Bob. We're
at a grown-up party.

I'm glad we were so spontane...

Ugh. Oh, my God, so many leaves.

LOUISE: Hmm. Guess there really wasn't

any ice cream in here.

Well, I had that one sprinkle.

I'm pretty sure it was a sprinkle.

I don't think it was a sprinkle.

Should we go back inside for sleeping?

Easy, Jen. Not yet.
What else is in here?

Besides no ice cream.

Yeah. We got to at
least hear some tunes.

Which one of these turns
on the ice cream truck jam?

The truck plays four songs.

You turn this dial to pick which one.

- Do it, Jen, make it happen.
- Uh, okay.

(upbeat, instrumental tune playing)

GENE: Damn! That's funky.

There's also a "mick-rophone."

Would that be of any interest to you?

Oh, um, perhaps.

(over speaker): Hey!
Lady in the raincoat,

is this thing on?

Wet enough for you? (sighs)

We have so much power. So much power.

Now we just have to figure
out what to do with it.

(over speaker): Fart!
Fart! Fart! Fart! Fart!

Not bad, Gene. Not bad at all.

Well, Jen, you want to take
a spin around the block?

We should, uh, probably
go back upstairs?

Jen, Jen, Jen, we're not gonna get tired

unless you drive us around.
The movement lulls us.

Is this your first time
babysitting? Is it? Huh?

- Um...
- Huh?

I mean, I don't think so, but, um...

-That's what I thought. Let's drive.
-Yeah!

LOUISE (over speaker):
Hey, you! Yeah, you!

Yeah! Do you want some ice cream?

Too bad. We don't have any!

Drive, drive, drive,
drive, drive, drive, drive!

So, you make sculptures,
and you're a physicist?

I'm also a doula.

Aw, babies. And what,
and what do you do?

- I make ukuleles.
- Huh.

Biodegradable ukuleles.

- Huh.
- Also edible.

Ah, that's so smart.

You really made this whiskey?

- You make whiskey?
- Yeah.

Small batch. Just a few thousand cases.

So you have one of those things
with the curly copper pipes,

and then whiskey comes out of it?

Yes. It's in the building
at the end of the block.

Oh, you have the coolest job and life.

And you're thin and young.

- How old are you?
- 49.

- I hate you.
- You know, uh, Bob,

I have to tell you
something about the whiskey.

It's very strong.

Yeah, I-I-I've had a lot of them.

(chuckles)

Oh, my God, everyone
here is so interesting.

I know. I met a guy
who owns an urban ranch.

I guess the cows live
inside old office buildings.

We're so boring.

(sighs) Yeah, we're really boring.

Should we maybe go home?

We're the coolest ones there, right?

In the top five anyway.

- Who needs another drink?
- Not for me. I'm driving.

Is what I was gonna say two drinks ago.

We're probably gonna take a taxi.

Should we take a drink in the taxi?

No, we're fine, we're
fine. Right? We're fine.

Speaking of, we're
probably gonna head out.

Whoa, whoa, you can't leave
before the performance circle.

You know, I have a feeling it's
gonna be really good tonight.

Performance circle?

Uh, who's performing?

Oh, everybody performs.

It's the best part of the party.

I mean, not everybody performs, right?

Did we not tell you about
the performance circle?

No.

We probably should've told you
about the performance circle.

You don't have to perform, but
no one's ever not performed.

It's fun. Everyone's so talented.

Oh, uh,
not-not-not us.

We're-we're not those kind of people.

We're more, um, go-to-bed people.

Oh, we're gonna perform something!

- Don't you worry.
- Oh, boy.

- (chuckles) Great!
- Lin...

A lot of people don't know this,

but Bob can sing like Bobby...

- McFerrin.
- (high-pitched): Linda, please stop.

And I sing like...

- Linda... Ronstadt.
- Mm.

And we call ourselves Linda and Bobby.

But we don't mean them... We mean us.

- Lin...
- All right, let's circle up, everybody!

It's performance time!

- Song one. Song two.
- (songs alternating)

Song one. Song two.

I am the voice of the night!

All who hear me, do my bidding!

(groans) Where is everyone?

It's like a ghost town out here.

JEN: Hang on. Red light.

Everybody stabilize.

LOUISE: Uh, what's happening?

- We're skidding.
- What?!

Oh, sorry. We're skidding!

(all screaming)

- (grunting)
- Okay, that's it!

I'm putting back on my
responsible teen hat.

The roads are freakin' freezing over!

We're going home and we're going to bed.

Jen, I think my sister
might be onto something.

I mean, we warned you
not to take us for a spin,

but, God, you insisted.

- Did I?
- Yes.

What was I thinking?

All right, let's go back to your place.

(engine revving)

So, just, uh, start driving
and get us home, Jen.

JEN (nervously): Mm, mm...

No, no, no. We're not
going anywhere, Jen!

This is on you! I mean,
we're all gonna get

in so much trouble, but this is on you!

There's also freezing to death.

Seems like that could happen, too.

Aah! Freezing to death is
worse than getting in trouble!

GENE: Tell that to Encino Man!

Great documentary. Highly recommend.

(quietly): Why did you tell them
I can sing like Bobby McFerrin?

'Cause I don't want to be the
boring people who don't perform.

We can do it. We can
keep up with these guys.

And who knows? Sometimes
people are amazing

the first time they try something.

So maybe you can sing
like Bobby McFerrin.

You don't know. Try it, try it.

Oh, my God.

(deep-voiced vocalizing)

(falsetto vocalizing)

(deep-voiced vocalizing)

(falsetto vocalizing)

No, no. Not like that. That's weird.

Wait, are you sure? I think
it sort of sounded good.

We got to figure something out.

- I have an idea. Let's leave.
- Now?

- Yes.
- We can't leave.

No, no, no, no. We can.

Come on. Take my hand.

Keep going, keep going.

We're almost at the door.

I'm going, I'm going.

- What about our coats?
- Oh, crap.

We'll leave 'em, we'll leave 'em.

No, we can't leave our coats.

That's my favorite coat.

BECKET: Bob and Linda, get ready!

It's almost your turn!

Yep, yep. Great!

We were just... looking
for a better place to stand.

Here. Here is good.
We'll stand here, right?

This is good. (chuckles nervously)

(quietly): We were so close.

(Tina and Gene shivering)

Is the heater turned
all the way up, Jen?

'Cause I can both smell
and see Tina's breath.

Fun fact: ice cream
trucks don't have heaters.

That is a fun fact.

Are we having fun now?

Look, it's 11:30,

and Mom and Dad said they'd
be home around midnight.

We're too far away to walk,

and we'd freeze to death
before we got there anyway.

So I guess we just have to
see if the roads get better

and try to beat them home somehow.

God, it's cold in here.

Tina, Gene, body heat.

- Let's snuggle.
- Yep.

Sibling sandwich.

And Jen makes five.

- Sorry.
- For what?

Oh, Gene.

That heater's working.

(playing "Flight of the Bumblebee")

Oh... boy.

- (applause)
- "Flight of The Bumblebee"?

More like "Flight of the Humble-bee."

You never mentioned you
played the accordion.

-(chuckles)
-(chuckles) Okay, Kathy, you're up next.

(quietly): Oh, God,
it's almost our turn.

- Everybody's so good at stuff.
- (applause)

So, for my performance, I'm
going to be painting a portrait

of Becket and Maya.

That's not so great.

- In one breath.
- Damn it.

Maya, Becket, pick a comfortable pose.

(inhales deeply)

Who are these people?

All right, it's possible
it's gotten worse out there.

There's ice on the windows now.

I hate to say it, but
I think we have to call

and tell Mom and Dad what's going on.

Want to take this one, Jen?

Okay. Uh... Oh, it went to voice mail.

Um, hi, Mr. and Mrs. B.

Jen calling.

We're in an ice cream truck
on the side of the road,

and we're stuck.

Okay, I love you. Bye.

No, Jen, tell them where we are!

Oh. We're on Channel Street by a...

lamppost.

- Love you. Bye.
- Really great work.

I feel like nobody is gonna
get in any trouble now.

(exhales)

- Thank you. Thank you.
- (applause)

- Thank you.
- We'll put this with the other ones.

Maybe we'll be okay. I mean, I can sing.

I sing all the time.

But you'll, like, do it different

from how you normally sing, right?

- What?
- Uh, nothing.

I, uh, I admire you.

GENE: I can't feel my butt!

- Can you?
- No, I can't feel your butt,

'cause I can't feel my hands.

I think I have a plan.

We can stay in here
and get cold and die...

Okay, let's call that option one.

Or my cousin actually doesn't
work too far from here.

He's not gonna be happy
about his ice cream truck,

but we can walk to him and wait there

until your parents show up.

Is this the hot cousin
we're talking about here?

- Yes.
- All right, let's move!

(applause)

Oh, my God. We're screwed.

We're screwed.

Wow! I am so glad you didn't die.

That was amazing.

All right. Bob and Linda,

you're up next. Get out there.

Hi, everyone. (chuckles nervously)

(quietly): Bob, I guess just start.

(clears throat)

(deep-voiced vocalizing)

- (falsetto vocalizing)
- ♪ Linda Ronstadt ♪

- ♪ And Linda Ronstadt ♪
- (deep-voiced vocalizing)

- ♪ Linda Ronstadt ♪
- (vocalizing)

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah. ♪

What's happening?

- (falsetto vocalizing)
- Bobby, we should stop.

- It's weird. It's weird now.
- Y-Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Um... (clears throat) That-that Di...

Uh, that didn't sound like
when we r-rehearsed it,

which-which... it was great. (chuckles)

(sighs) Look, I'm sorry.

I'm done pretending to be an
interesting lady. It's late.

We should just go home
and relieve the babysitter.

Oh, my gosh. The kids! I
haven't checked my phone in,

like, two hours. Sorry, hang on.

Is this a play about
someone with an old phone?

(gasps) There's a voice mail from Jen!

What? Are they okay?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

- What? What?
- Oh, my God!

- Linda, what?!
- Jen took the kids for a ride

in an ice cream truck, and the
truck skidded off the road?!

They're waiting for
us to come save 'em?!

They're on Channel
Street! Where is that?

Oh. Now the phone makes sense.

But I still do not like the play.

It's not a play! This is real!

I know where Channel
Street is. It's near here.

We're leaving! Goodbye!

Thank you, Maya and Becket!
Thanks for the drinks!

Sorry you ran out of
glasses and had to use jars.

Aw, my little babies!

- Ow!
- Ow, my butt!

BOB: We should have stayed home.

Oh, my God, Bobby. We
got to get to the kids.

Without a car. Everything's frozen over!

We're barely moving.

Wait, what if we sort
of slide? Like this.

We can Kristi Yamaguchi it.

(grunting)

We're coming, kids!

(sighs) I miss the freezing
cold ice cream truck.

I hope your cousin's
office has an office dog

with one of those little
barrels of cocoa around his neck.

We're here.

Wait, this is where your cousin works?

SINGER: ♪ Oh, yeah. ♪

Hey, Isaac, is my hot cousin around?

Oh, yeah, sure. Go right in.

Oh, wait, are those kids?

That's probably not okay.

Oh, you guys are already walking.

Okay. Uh, have fun.

♪ ♪

TINA: Oh, thank God.

Excuse me. Officer?

Uh, O-Officer?

With really strong abs.

We got stuck on the ice,
and now we can't get in touch

- with our parents and...
- ANNOUNCER: All right, ladies,

you're gonna slide out
of your seats when you see

Rescue 9-1-Buns!

- Wait, we got kids in the club.
- (music stops)

- Holster your buns.
- Oh, got it.

You're not a real cop.

Okay. Nice badge.

So, is your cousin one
of these first responders?

No, he's the pilot.

- Hi, Dave.
- Hey, Jen.

- Hi.
- All aboard.

Wait, that's for a train.

Um, never mind. Uh, hi.

Your truck is fine, but we
had some issues with the ice.

Can we get warm in here
while I call their parents?

Uh, yeah, I guess you
can wait in the back.

Hope you guys don't
hate sparkly costumes.

How sparkly are we talking?

Hello! Yoo-hoo!

George Washington says to
get this show on the road!

And skate! And skate! And skate!

MAYA: Bob! Linda! Wait!

-(grunting)
-What are you guys doing out here?

We're here to help you find your kids!

We also felt bad that you
felt pressured to perform.

And we felt bad you guys
embarrassed yourselves so much.

I mean, did we embarrass
ourselves that much?

- Uh, no. No. Not at all. No. No.
- No.

- (phone rings)
- It's the kids!

Jen! Jen! What's going on?

Wait, what? You're where?

This is gonna be my new
after-school hangout spot.

So many fun hat options.

- Okay, good.
- LINDA: Kids!

Oh, thank God you're okay!

- Mommy!
- You kids are in big trouble.

I'm assuming this is mostly your fault.

But I'm so glad you're okay.

- Hi, Jen.
- Hey. You want a pickle?

Uh, yes, I do.

(chews) But I think we
need to have a little talk

about your babysitting performance,

because it was not...

Mmm. This pickle is really good.

Go easy on Jen.

She may have made a few
mistakes along the way,

but, in the end, she
brought us to the place

where we were meant to be.

Where we were always meant to be.

Oh, and this is Jen's hot cousin Dave.

- Hey.
- Dad, Hot Cousin Dave

is in the ice cream and
in the aviation business.

Yeah, he looks like he is.

Hey, thanks for inviting
us to your party.

We tried to be spontaneous
and fun and interesting

and keep up with you guys,
but we couldn't do it.

Are you kidding?

Look at the night you're having.

- Look at... Hot Cousin Dave.
- On it.

Your kids drove an ice
cream truck to a strip club,

- and now we're all here together.
- Unbelievable.

That's way more
interesting than anything

I thought we'd be doing
tonight. (chuckles)

Yeah. I mean, it's not great.

Our kids are supposed to be home.

- But I see your point.
- Mmm.

These pickles are so good.

You guys should eat a pickle.

Hey, do you guys want to
do this again next week?

- Absolutely not.
- No, but we can have dinner at,

like, 5:30 or 6:00 like normal people.

- Are you trying to say "brunch"?
- We're in.

We should head back. Don't
want to miss the body painting.

I think I'm gonna get
painted as a dragon tonight.

That'll be fun. Hey,
you guys should come.

No. We'll wait out the weather here.

If that's okay.

I guess. This room's about to
fill up with sweaty dancers.

- Interesting.
- So everything worked out

and nobody's upset.

What a great night.

No, no, no. You're all grounded.

Okay, so we can't leave
Pickles. Cool, cool.

ANNOUNCER: Well, well,
well! We're celebrating

someone's 21st birthday tonight!

MISS LABONZ: Happy birthday to me!

♪ Rescue 9-1-Buns, whoo ♪

♪ Rescue 9-1-Buns, yeah ♪

♪ Rescue 9-1-Buns, whoo ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Get the whistle, toot-toot ♪

♪ Get the whistle, toot-toot ♪

♪ 9-1-Buns, yeah ♪

♪ Uh! ♪

♪ You got buns, I got buns ♪

♪ Oh, no, an emergency,
call 9-1-Buns ♪

♪ Rescue 9-1-Buns, whoo ♪

♪ Rescue 9-1-Buns, yeah ♪

♪ Rescue 9-1-Buns ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Get the whistle, toot-toot ♪

♪ Get the whistle, toot-toot ♪

♪ 9-1-Bun... ♪