Bob Hearts Abishola (2019–…): Season 3, Episode 22 - Beard in Her Pulpit - full transcript

When a charismatic new pastor joins the congregation, Abishola takes a new interest in church; after Dottie gives out bonuses to upper management, but not Goodwin, Bob must do what he can to make sure he doesn't lose his best empl...

Previously on Bob
Hearts Abishola...

Abishola calls her mother

pretending to be a
spirit from beyond,

guiding her with advice like,
"Get out, go home, get out."

So Abishola's mother thinks
a ghost can use a phone?

Why not? With unlimited
minutes, anything is possible.

Your mother's mother
would be perfect.

I agree.

But I don't know what my
grandmother sounded like.

That's your problem
with this plan?

Hello?



Ah-ah. Who is this?

Who is this?

Mummy?

But I do not want to leave.

I just...

do not want to go
back to that man.

No, he is just my husband.

The love left many years ago.

All I do is cook
and clean for a man

who barely looks at me.

Let alone touches me.

Ask her if she's
taken any lovers.

Christina has left.
Now you will need

to replace her with
someone qualified,



who has great knowledge of
the workings of the company.

That's exactly right.

I usually am.

Congratulations, Kofo.

Excuse me?

Mr. Wheeler, you said Kofo.

My name is Goodwin.

Yes, Goodwin. We need
you down on the floor.

You're our guy.

Your floor guy?

Exactly.

[organs playing]

We got a new pastor? What
happened to the other guy?

Oh, he got recruited by
a megachurch in Chicago.

Good for him.

No. Shame on him.

We gave him everything.

Then, as soon as a prettier
congregation came along,

he Holy Ghosted us.[chuckles]

Tunde gets very attached
to these pastors.

I'm the same way with
football coaches.

They all say the right stuff,
so I buy season tickets

and then I wave my
stupid foam finger

while the Lions
lose 16 straight.

We need to protect our hearts.

Yeah, but then we
wouldn't love as hard.

[sighs] Never
change, Bob Wheeler.

FALADE: God is among us.

[hushed chatter]You
all heard that, right?

I can feel Him in this room.

I am your new pastor
Joseph Falade.

And I wanted to sit
with you to show you

that I am not a prophet,

I am just a man.

A man with a theology
degree from Harvard

and this wonderful,
handmade suit.

If you never saw
it, I never wore it.

Huh. Man knows how
to make an entrance.

He's wearing Air Jordans.

I feel fortunate

that God has chosen me to
lead this congregation.

And He gave me

one piece of advice.

He said, "Pastor Falade,

"if I can create the
world in seven days,

you can get through a
service in under an hour."

I feel myself getting
attached again.

Yeah, this guy's taking
us to the Super Bowl.

In Air Jordans.

["Ifanla" by Sola
Akingbola playing]

We are overjoyed to have
you at our place of worship.

I hope I am here a long time.

Please do not make
promises you cannot keep.

Sorry.

OGECHI: Pastor,

this Suya is from my kitchen.

I hope you enjoy.

Eh, you left off
Morenike's plantains.

I did not think the pastor
would want to eat anything

prepared by our
nontraditional member.

I thought all were welcome
in the house of the Lord.

I could not agree
more, Sister Olu.

Surely you also
agree, Sister Ogechi.

Perhaps I am not explaining
the issue well enough.

Morenike is a lesbian.

I am glad to have you
in my congregation,

Morenike.

Thank you, Pastor.

Now, if you excuse me,

plantains are my favorite.

In baseball,

what you just did is called
a "swing and a miss."

[scoffs]

Morning, sister.

Pastor.

How did you like the service?

I did not.

Nice shoes.

Don't worry, she didn't
like me at first either.

Still kind of doesn't.

Can you grab me some plantains?

[sighs] It's been 45 minutes.

Ugh, it's just like
Mom to keep us waiting.

Yes. What are we waiting for?

Well, we probably
shouldn't tell you

because she's the one that likes

to "make it rain," but...

we're getting our bonus.

Bonus? Mm.

But I am not family.

Oh, no. The bonuses go
to upper management.

Which up until this
point was only family,

so I get why you'd be confused.

[laughs]: Oh, okay.

I am still confused.

Douglas is no longer
in upper management,

and you do not even work here.

Hey, man, do you want the money
or do you want to ask questions?

Who likes money?

I do! I do!

Come on, it's part of the thing.

I also like the money.

DOTTIE: Well, then
step right up.

Come on, baby birds,
open your little beaks.

[babbles]I know it's demeaning,

but it's over
before you know it.

[babbles]

Yum, yum, yum,
yum, yum, yum, yum.

Congratulations.
You're one of us.

Oluwa mi o.

Wait, let me see that.

Oh, it's right.

That's sweet, you think
that's a lot of money.

I do not deserve this.

Actually, out of all
of us, you kind of do.

Yeah, just think of it as a way
for the company to give back.

To those of us in this room.

Is it fair that so
few should benefit

from the work of so many?

Who are you, Fidel Castro?

Kofo and I are
men of the people.

You don't want your bonus?

What? No. Sorry,
did I imply that?

Let me explain to you a little
something about capitalism.

We eat first,

so we're strong and healthy
enough to run the company.

But what about the workers?

Well, when they see us in our
nice clothes and fancy cars,

they're inspired to work harder

to make their way
up from the bottom.

Like I did.

Look at that.

The system works.

Kaale, Bob.

Oh, e kaale,

Mama Ebun.

You are reading the Bible?

Well, I'm trying to. I've been
on the same page for an hour.

Perhaps you would like it
better if it was written

by Dean Koontz.

When Pastor Falade
gave the sermon,

he made it all seem exciting.

Church is not supposed
to be entertaining.

It is meant to frighten us.

Why?

Because... it is church.

And God wants us afraid.

All I know is, it's
nice to have a pastor

who doesn't say you're
going to hell when you think

some of the things
in here are screwy.

Screwy? You should
be very afraid.

Come on. Explain to
me why this Job guy

had to get put
through the wringer.

God made a wager with
Satan that Job's faith

could withstand anything.

What are they, golf buddies?

Uh, why is God making
bets with the devil?

I have often
wondered that myself.

Well, then, let's stop
wondering and find out.

Who are you calling? The pastor.

He said "Reach out anytime,
because those who doubt

are just as important
as those who believe."

Eh. Also, ask him about
the story of Ruth.

Who? Just give me the phone.

Hello, cousin.

What are you wearing? Oh, this?

As a creative executive,
I thought my look

could use a trendy refresh.

When did you get "a look"?

When I got the hat.

Doesn't it bring
everything together?

Where did you buy all of this?

At the Nordstrom.

Nordstrom Rack?

Nordstrom Regular?

I may have splurged a little.

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

How can you afford all
this designer nonsense?

You know how we always
resented Douglas and Christina

for receiving bonuses? Yes.

And they would strut
in the next day

wearing overpriced jeans
and stupid-looking jackets.

Oh, my God. You got a bonus?

That's right, cousin.

I shattered the sock ceiling.

I do not understand.

You do not have to.

All you need to know is
that the system works.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

Yes, Sister Ayomide, a
baby would be wonderful.

The new pastor took the
prayer list from Ogechi

and put Olu in charge.

AUNTIE OLU: Do not worry,

I will make sure everyone
prays for your uterus.

So many people with
so many problems.

And I know about them
before anyone else.

I have never seen you so happy.

I do not think I have been.

Is that because you're in
charge of the prayer list,

or because Ogechi is not?

Can it not be both?

For many years, Ogechi
lorded the gossip over us.

Now we will rub her nose
in it like a naughty puppy.

And it's all thanks to you.

What did I do?

You were here.

And you are queer.

I see you picked up a
new slogan at the parade.

Oh, it is catchy
because it rhymes.

[laughter]

[knocking on door]It's open.

I'm sorry to bother you.

Oh, it's okay. What's up?

You're sure this is a good time?

Yeah. Good!

Because I am very,
very angry with you.

What did I do?

Why did Kofo get a
bonus and I did not?

Because he's the
head of marketing.

He's an idiot. He wasted his
money on a stupid jacket.

I can't tell people how
to spend their money.

I want a stupid jacket!

Believe me, I hear
you, but Kofo's a VP.

The commercial was his idea.

That's what brought in
all this extra business.

And who packs and ships
all the extra business?

I will give you a hint:
he did not get a bonus.

Goodwin, come on, you're my guy.

Being your guy doesn't put a
puffy jacket on my shoulders.

What are you talking about?

Pretty soon you're gonna
run this whole company.

When?

Whenever Abishola
lets me retire.

Oh, my God!

Oh, I know, I know.

But it's gonna happen.

Look, if I can keep
the faith, so can you.

[sighs] I suppose.

All right, I appreciate you
telling me how you feel.

Communication's the only way
we keep this ship floating.

Ready for some sushi?
Bonus lunch, baby.

Ha. Hey, Goodwin.

[shouts]

[door closes]

What's up with him?

[knocks on door]Hey.

What's up?

Do we have any more money

we can free up for bonuses?

No. Books are closed.

You tell Douglas,
whatever he did,

he's gonna have to
use a public defender.

No, i-it's Goodwin. The
guy's been busting his ass.

I just want to show a
little appreciation.

Now, that's a slippery slope.

You start handing out bonuses,
pretty soon you're covering

health care and paid vacations.

Well, would that be so bad?

Who are you, Fidel Castro?

Well, I got to do something.

He... You know,
he's really upset.

And he's worked
for us for years.

And we've paid him for years.

He's not just another
employee, Mom.

[sighs]

You're right, he's not.

[grunts] Here's what we'll do.

We'll take your bonus

and just distribute it
to all the underlings.

I hate myself.

Hey, you didn't make
the little bird noise.

[babbles]

My mother insisted on
cooking me lunch today.

Pounded yam,

okra, fried plantains.

GLORIA: Mmm. Meat pies.

That was awful sweet of her.

Almost too sweet. Is she dying?

No, she is singing and
cooking in the kitchen.

Hmm. Is anyone she hates dying?

No, her enemies
are alive and well.

She just seems...

happy.

Well, that's great.

Especially after she decided

not to go home to your father.

Yes, she discussed that with
the new pastor at church.

She seems to be really enjoying
his spiritual guidance.

Hmm.

I wonder what else
he is guiding.

What are you insinuating?

That perhaps the pastor has
ignited her burning bush.

Do not be ridiculous.

My mother is a married,
Christian woman.

Who has eyes.

If I were not in love, I
would let the pastor sprinkle

his salt and pepper
beard all over my pulpit.

Will you get your
mind out the gutter?

It is possible for
Abishola's mother

just to be in a good place.

Yes,

the pastor seems to be hitting

all of those good places.

Kemi.

Well, I know someone who
dated a certain sock man

before her divorce was final.

That is different.

Okay, I'm putting it to bed.

Like the pastor did your mama.

[Kemi laughs]

Gloria.

I'm sorry, it was right there.

And Kemi would've
said it anyway.

I would not. There
is a line, Gloria.

What are you doing?

I'm texting the pastor.

He gave you his number?

He only gave me his Facebook.

It's so great to actually
enjoy going to church.

When we started dating,

you told me you loved
going to church with me.

And now with the new
pastor, I really mean it.

"See you soon,

smiley face, prayer hands."

Hello, Tunde.

Olu.

Ogechi.

I would ask what is new,

but you have no way of knowing.

You did a very nice
job on the prayer list.

Thank you.

Next week you may want

to put a special name on there.

What are you talking about?

You have not heard
about the pastor?

I thought you had the
ear of the congregation.

Of course I do.
What do you know?

It seems the pastor
has taken a liking

to a certain married
member of his flock.

Who?

I am not one to spread gossip.

So you do not know.

Not yet, but I will soon.

What married woman
would be foolish enough

to mess around with the pastor?

Mummy, is that a new dress?

It is.

I like to look my
best... for God.

Come on, I want to
get a good seat.

♪ Lord, You are good
and Your mercy ♪

♪ Endureth forever

♪ Lord, You are good
and Your mercy ♪

♪ Endureth forever

♪ People from every
nation and tongue ♪

♪ From generation
to generation ♪

♪ We worship you...
Welcome, everyone,

to God's house.

Today's service
will be about love.

Of God and the people that
God has put into our lives.

I firmly believe that He
sends us certain people

at the precise
moment we need them.

Perhaps it is to bring us

perspective, appreciation.

Or perhaps it is just to
remind us that we are human.

And though we are not perfect...

it is within those imperfections

that we find connection.

And what could be more perfect

than connecting
with another soul...

and showing God the joy

of His creation?

♪ All the time

♪ You are good

♪ Ooh...

Did you get the jacket?

I did, thank you.

Did you check the inside
pocket? Check the inside pocket.

That's two tickets

to the Lions home opener.

You and I are gonna
watch them start

their championship
season in person.

That is very nice.

And again, I'm sorry.

Okay? Next year, I promise,
you're getting that bonus.

If you say so.

All right, I'll see you soon.

Goodbye, Mr. Wheeler.

We're all set.

The rest of the team's
ready to meet you.

I appreciate you getting
me this interview.

Oh, are you kidding?
They are gonna love you.

This is the right move, Goodwin.

Yes, it is.

Love that jacket.

Oh. [chuckles]