Bob Hearts Abishola (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - Camp Bananas - full transcript

For the sake of Bob's health, Bob and Abishola try to reduce stress by taking a day off together; Christina is boss for the day at MaxDot; Gloria steps in to care for Dottie.

All right, Mr. Wheeler, I'm just
recording your resting levels

so we have a baseline
before the stress test.

Right, then you make me run
till my heart explodes.

We won't let that happen.

I'm no doctor, but it
seems a little weird

that you try to kill me
to see if I'm gonna die.

I promise you're safe.

This is standard protocol.

Yeah, well, at one point,
so were leeches.

That's true.

There was a time where if I came in here
with a headache,



you'd give me a
spoonful of heroin.

Those were the days, huh?

Whenever you're ready.

Just saying you don't need to
know if I can do this because

I'm never gonna do this.
The last time I ran

was to catch a flight in 2004.

Turns out they
changed the gate.

You know what,
if you want to hear the rest

of this story,
you got to slow this thing down.

It seems like they stress you
out on purpose so you'll fail

and they can put you
on expensive drugs.

Don't be ridiculous!

Mm-hmm.

When were yougoing to tell me



about the resultsof your blood work?

You opened my medical records on
your phone... isn't that illegal?

Only if she shows them
to someone else.

Oh, my!

The doctor said I'm doing
great... I'm down 30 pounds,

- my blood pressure's good.
- Your cholesterol is too high.

It's borderlinehigh.

It's a big difference.

You havea lot more work to do.

Well, not everything's gonna be
perfect... I'm like a used car.

Been through some
valve replacements,

had an aftermarket
stent put in.

You overheat easily.

Plenty of room in the back.

The point is,
I'm still running.

I see.

And still runningis good enough.

I think so.

But I am wrong.

"Ifanla" by Sola Akingbola
playing...

*BOB HEARTS ABISHOLA*
Season 02 Episode 04

Episode Title: "Camp Bananas"
Aired on: December 07, 2020

Thank you allfor coming.

Believe it or not,
I was gonna be here anyway.

Abishola thought we should talk,

because there's some things
I'm gonna need your help with.

Excuse me.

Bob had a doctor's
appointment...

Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

- Christina, I'm fine.
- Oh, thank God.

- You are not fine.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Before we getall worked up,

what religionwas this doctor?

- Mom.
- What?

In this case,
being Jewish is a plus.

Bob's annual checkup showed
some things that can improve.

Things we canall help with.

Either that's a long
walk from the fridge

or I'm real thirsty.

I'm gonna get a refill.

Anybody? No?

Douglas...

you can help us by having
less alcohol in the house.

Hey, I'm drinking 'em
as fast as I can.

Also there's far
too much junk food.

On it.

I get it, Bob.

I know what it's like
to have food issues

and not feel
supported.

Hey, when you're skinny,
I'm very supportive.

It is important for Bobto
manage his stress.

And with the chaos
of his homelife...

- Chaos?
- Chaos.

Between thatand running the company,

Bob is dealingwith a lot.

Well, if he needs a break,
I'd be happy to step up.

And by "step up,"

do you mean
"do actual work"?

And what is it you do?

I'm on the floor
with the guys

making this company run.

Mom put you there

on a time-out, and suddenly
you're Joe Six-Pack?

Or should I say 12-pack?

This isn't about me!

Sweetie, it's a chance for him
to get another perspective.

Like when you go
to crazy camp.

Don't call it that!

Well, make up your mind,
you won't let me call it

Camp Bananas.

What's
wrong with you two?

You're breaking
all the chips, Christina!

You were right,
that helped a lot.

I'm shocked they're
not dead already.

Thank you
for driving me home.

Are you kidding? I would've
driven to Anchorage, Alaska

to get away
from my family.

Hey.

What if we called in sick
to work tomorrow?

Uh, but I'm not sick.

We'd be playing hooky.

"Hooky"?

It's an American game...
you'll love it.

Come on, you want me
to reduce my stress,

and I can think of no
better way of doing that

than spending a stolen day
with the woman I love.

That is very poetic.

Well, that's the side of me
you don't know.

The poet.

Oh, thank goodness
you are here!

Tunde lost the remote
in the couch.

Ah, spit it out.
Spit it out!

Pick me up at 8:00.

The channel changed...
I am close.

I'll be here at 7:00.

Hey.

Hello, Ms. Wheeler.

Goodwin, Kofo,
do you mind if I

chill down here
with you guys?

Watch you work,
grok your process?

Okay.

"Grok"?

Kofo?

How long has it been
since anyone

from up there has said to you
from an asset-based lens,

"Hey, Kofo, I value you"?

- Never.
- Hmm.

And you, Goodwin?

Has anyone here celebrated
your strengths?

And said, "If you
weren't here today,

this box wouldn't
get packed"?

Kofo would just do it.

Yes, I would just do it.

Of course you would,

because you are
our heartbeat.

And management has tried

to cut off MaxDot's
heart from its brain.

Not that you two don't

have brains... uh,
I apologize for implying that.

I own it.

I shower in my shame.

What's going on?

I have no idea.

Douglas.

Now that you're here

on the floor as a worker,

uh, what can I do as your boss
to make your life better?

My boss?

Mm, I loathe

that title,
but I find "superior"

a little condescending.

You're not my boss
or my superior.

Yes, I am.

To both.

Okay, technically.

No, not technically.

For reals.

I am your boss.

I mean, just look
at what you're wearing.

Vest, vest,

vest.

Turtleneck.

Like a boss.

Like a fart face.

Don't call me that.

Call you what?

Fart face?

I am so sorry.

Okay, I'm gonna distance myself
from this energy.

Goodwin, Kofo, my door is
always open to you.

Douglas...
get back to work!

Uh, just so you know,

I'm not gonna be up
for much today.

My friend Agnes died,
and I'm taking it pretty hard.

Oh, sorry to hear that.

Thank you.

I also heard

you'd make up
any excuse to get out

of doing your exercises.

Fine, you got me.

Agnes did die, but nobody cares.

Hey, you want
to give up, give up.

I don't want to give up.

I want to complain
until you give up.

Honey, it's your life.

You want to spend it
on wheels, be my guest.

Enjoy the good parking.

I know what you're doing.

Mind games.

To make me prove
you wrong.

Maybe.

Maybe I just don't care.

You're good.

Okay, put this
blindfold on.

No.

Come on, it'll be fun.

What is fun about
being blindfolded

and driven
to an undisclosed location?

Would you like me
to get in the trunk, too?

We're lowering the
stress today, remember?

Can you just tell me
where we're going?

I don't care for surprises.

Noted.

Well, to start, I booked
us a couples massage

at a fancy-schmancy spa.

So we're going to pay
a lot of money

to take off our clothes
and be touched by strangers?

Well, it's supposed
to be romantic.

For who,
us or the touchers?

Okay, so we won't
get a massage.

Good, aren't you glad you told
me where we were going now?

Oh, very.

So what else
you have planned?

Now I'm afraid
to tell you.

Come on, I'm excited
to spend a day with you.

Okay, well, I thought we'd
go down to the riverfront,

get one of those pedicabs
to drive us around

and see the sights.

Oh.

You don't want to do it?

I want to want to do it.

But I don't want to.

Well, fine, let's just
go back to your place,

and we'll stare at the wall
and balance our checkbooks.

That'll be a hoot.

Or we could go
to the laundromat.

- Yeah.
- There's this one on Jefferson

that has
the big industrial machines.

And it can wash
four comforters at once.

My God, you're serious.

What is more fun than checking
things off your to-do list?

You know what,
I changed my mind.

Get in the trunk.

Here you go.

Really?

That's right...
work hard, play hard.

Did I work hard enough
for a bourbon chaser?

No.

All right,
something to shoot for.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Nobody makes a coney
like Dave's.

That place is always packed

even though
the health department

shuts them down
twice a year.

Mmm. So good,

even the rats wait in line.

You know, on weekends,

after my dad closed
his car dealership,

we'd go down to Dave's,
pick up a couple

of these babies.

I had acid reflux
by the time I was eight.

Where'd you grow up?

Uh, we were down
on Wisconsin Street, Northwest.

Until middle school.
Then we moved to Oakland County.

Northwest? I went to Mumford.

Shut up!

I would have gone to Mumford
if we hadn't left.

White flight?

No, we were just looking
for a change of scenery.

'Cause Black folks
were moving in.

'Cause the housing prices
dropped.

'Cause Black folks
were moving in.

No, because...

Damn it.

Tell me about it.

You wanted to see me?

Oh. There you are.

Cobb salad, no cheese,
extra croutons,

green goddess dressing
on the side.

I'm sorry, what's happening?

That's my lunch order.

Okay, and I'll have a Reuben.

Mm. And onion rings.

No, I'm giving you my order
for you to pick up.

Cobb salad, no cheese,
extra croutons,

green goddess dressing
on the side.

Okay, well,
that's not my job.

Oh, it is now.

I'm sorry
if you don't like that,

but there's a hierarchy here.

I think instead,

I'm gonna go get hierarchy
in the parking lot.

Douglas,

you need to get used
to this new dynamic.

Executive.

Floor person.

Lunch orderer.
Lunch getter-er.

Normal. Crazy.

I will have

a Cobb salad,

no cheese, extra croutons...

Christina, I'm not getting...

...and green goddess dressing
on the side!

What are you gonna do
if I don't get it?

That's right.

Nothing!

All right. I tried being nice.

You need to clear out

your old office.

It's gonna be
the new employee lounge.

What? That's right!

I'm going full boss bitch!

Well, I agree
with half of that.

All right.

We're done here.

And you have a lunch
to pick up.

And you have
a desk to organize.

What?

Okay.

You want to play that way?

Let's play.

Hey, everybody.

Just a quick announcement.

Douglas wet the bed
until he was 11.

Hey, another announcement.

Mom paid our cousin
to take Christina to prom!

He wanted to take me!

No, he didn't, fart face!

- Well, this is nice, huh?
- Mm-hmm.

Sorry the blanket's
not super comfortable.

It's all I had in the car.

It works fine.

Also, it will be useful
if we catch on fire.

I forgot how much picnics
involve sitting on the ground

and eating on the ground

and... eventually trying to
get up off the ground.

If you are not enjoying
yourself, then why are we here?

Well, I wanted to do
something nice with you,

like eat cold cuts

in a public park.

It's my fault.

I should have just let
the strangers rub us

like you suggested.

No, you're right.
It's weird.

We have to find some way
to reduce your stress.

Don't worry, we will.

I do worry.

I don't want to lose you.

Come here.

Seriously, you got to
come here. I can't move.

My legs are asleep.

See? Already better.

You're like my
little stress ball.

Why are we so bad at this?

Yeah, what would
you rather be?

Bad at relaxing
or bad at working?

Like those idiots
playing Frisbee.

It's the middle
of the day.

Don't they have
responsibilities?

Nice snag, soul patch!

Get a job! Bob.

What? It's
fun. You want to try?

I am not going to yell
at a stranger.

Come on. For me.

Your parents should cut you off
from financial support

the way you have cut off
your career options

by having that stupid tattoo.

It's a little long,
but pretty good.

All right, all right.

What was on the corner
of Riverside and Jefferson

before it became a liquor store?

Fat Tony's.

Huh. What was it before that?

Tony's.

Okay, you did get out
of the suburbs.

Here's the real test.

Ever go to Cobo Hall?

You kidding me?
I saw Aretha Franklin there.

- You saw that show?
- Mm-hmm.

Dang, I tried
to get tickets.

Couldn't afford them.
Yeah, tell me about it.

Luckily,
my dad got some free ones

from his friend
at the country club.

That is lucky.

Yeah. I used to go
to all the spots.

I'd sneak a car
from Dad's dealership,

and I'd drive down to
the Keyboard Lounge.

What?
The Grande Ballroom.

The Hideout.

- The alley behind the Hideout.
- Ooh! Girl,

- you got around.
- I did.

You never did
stuff like that?

You mean steal a car

and drive to parts of town
where nobody looked like me?

No.

Well, maybe my experience
was different than yours,

but I love my city,

and I'm not gonna apologize
for it.

Hey, just 'cause
things are messed up

don't mean
I don't love Detroit.

Mm.

You think people will
ever go downtown again?

Eventually.

You know what they need?

Affordable housing.

Gay people.

They really know
how to transform a neighborhood.

- Well, that's a stereotype.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm just kidding.
I don't care.

This employee lounge is
going to be wonderful.

It is going to be
the end of us.

It's a gateway to complacency
and unionization.

It will be fun,
like casual Friday.

What was fun about that?

When I saw Mr. Wheeler
without a suit,

I lost all respect for him.

- Oh, my.
- What is it, cousin?

Did you find
more pornography?

It is one
of Douglas's pay stubs.

You shouldn't be looking
at that.

Oh, my!

How's it going,
lounge lizards?

Wait, is that offensive?

How is that offensive?

I always picture
little Mexican lizards

taking a siesta on a rock.

Then yes, it
is offensive.

Thank you.

Listening. Learning.

Ms. Wheeler, do you
also get paid this much?

I'm sorry, what now?

This one says "Q2 bonus."

That would imply there
is one every "Q."

Well, this is a family business,

as you know, and with
that comes certain...

There are
dozens more in here!

Stop looking at them!

Speaking Spanish...

My Spanish is
a little rusty,

but I think that Tía
Maria's up to no good.

It washes all the
comforters at once.

I even got the curtains
from the living room

and a coat just because.

And I was gonna take you
to a spa. What an idiot.

Yes, that was very stupid.

Do you mind if I study?

Not at all. You mind
if I make a few work calls?

Stop flirting with me.
We're in public.

This is great.

We should do it again.
You busy Thursday?

Very.

Me, too.
It's a date.

I'm yelling at him.

I can tell.

Attention,

brothers and sisters
of the warehouse.

I just wanted
to remind everybody

that whether you
work in the office

or down on the floor,

we're all family.

We really are.

But also

that you need some people

at the top of the family tree

who maybe get
a little more...

sunlight
than the other branches.

That is how trees work.

But then

we spread that sunlight

down to the lower branches

by buying you things.

What kind of things,
Christina?

Like the coffee truck
that's parked right outside.

Free coffee?
Awesome!

Well, maybe
instead of free coffee,

we could discuss how the
Wheeler family bonus structure

could be shared
amongst all the employees.

We could, but the coffee truck's
only here for 45 minutes.

Okay!
This has been a great talk.

Enjoy that coffee truck.

- Good job.
- Thanks.

You want to get a coffee?

Yeah, but that truck's gross.

Let's go to the place
around the corner. - Hmm.

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