Bob Hearts Abishola (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - A Bird May Love a Fish - full transcript
While Bob attempts to learn more about Nigerian customs, Abishola has to contend with gossip spreading about her relationship with Bob.
Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola...
"MaxDot Therapeutic Hosiery.
Robert J. Wheeler, president."
Hmm. "Therapeutic hosiery." Mm.
Very fancy.
He was actually quite nice.
He said he didn't want to be a bother,
and if I changed my mind,
"the ball is in my court."
Oh, like in basketball.
No, no, it's tennis.
Ever seen how big this man is?
He does not play tennis.
- It's just a saying.
- What is?
The ball in your court.
It means she can call him.
Well, I'm not calling anybody.
I have work, I have school,
I have my son.
I have no time for balls.
Well, there goes the second date.
Auntie, Uncle,
can we speak privately, please?
Don't worry. Uh, we are Team Bob.
What is he doing here?
We invited him for tea and biscuits
to discuss whether a
match could be made.
A match? I do not want a match.
It's not about what you want.
It's about what is good
for the whole family.
Okay, it is decided.
Abishola will have tea with
you on Tuesday afternoon.
The only way I would
spend time with Abishola
is if she wants to.
Ooh. This is bad.
Abishola?
I will have tea with you.
Are you sure?
'Cause I don't want you to do
anything against your will.
I said will have tea with you.
Stop talking.
Oh, that's wonderful news.
Your brother's grandson got accepted
to the University of Nigeria.
- Which grandson?
- Which grandson?
Number 12.
Oh. David.
Good. Ooh. Ask her
to send us a bag of stockfish.
You can get that at the supermarket.
Oh, they don't sell the heads.
I like the heads.
Okay. Please send stockfish.
Make sure you wrap it properly.
Last time, the suitcase smelled terrible
and I had to tell the man at the airport
that Tunde had a leg infection.
You didn't have to tell him anything.
We could have just left.
Good morning, Auntie and Uncle.
- Good morning, Abishola.
- Good morning.
Yes, Abishola is doing very well.
She finally met a man.
Uh-uh. Who are you talking to?
- My sister.
- Which one?
The one who gave birth to you.
Mommy, I did not meet anyone.
Move away. This is my conversation.
Between work and school,
Abishola had no chance
of meeting somebody
until I stepped in.
You're welcome.
His name is Bob, he's American
and he owns a big sock company.
He was so honored to meet us
that he followed us to our home.
Eh, after he caught you spying on him.
I have already said you are welcome.
Uh, Dele, the grown-ups are talking.
Go to school.
- But I'm hungry.
- Be hungry for knowledge.
Yes, he's handsome.
Like Kevin James with a mustache...
...only more orobo.
Orobo? Bob is not that fat.
Yes.
Trust me, he's orobo.
_
So if I want to say
hello in her language...
- E karo.
- E karo.
No, no, no, e karo.
Pretty sure that's what I said.
Now, how do you say goodbye?
- O dabo.
- O dabo. O dabo.
O dabo, o dabo.
You know, I speak Mandarin.
I did not know that.
_
Nice. Now I want Chinese for lunch.
Okay, this is important.
How do you say, "I'm sorry
your aunt and uncle forced you
"to spend time with me,
but I really enjoyed myself
and I'd like to do it again"?
Ma binu iya iya re
ati egbon re fi agbara
mu o lati lo akoko pelu mi,
sugbon mo gbadun ara mi ati
Mo fe lati se e leekansi.
Uh, w-what's that first word? Binu?
It means, "I'm sorry."
That's good. That's all I need.
_
So, how are things with
you and the sock king?
There are no things.
There is just tea.
Very good.
It's going very good.
Every sock king needs a sock queen.
Stop it, both of you.
If I were to marry again...
- You will.
- I won't.
- You will. You wi...
- I won't. I won't.
But if I were to marry again,
it would only be to a Nigerian man.
Only? That kind of narrows
down your options, doesn't it?
Don't listen to her.
She has many options.
Top of the list,
Nigerian man, same tribe.
- Yoruba.
- Mm-hmm.
Then Nigerian man, different tribe.
- Igbo.
- Mm-hmm.
Then other Africans.
Except Tunisians and Egyptians.
Obviously.
Then Caribbean, then white,
then African-American.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
Wait, wait.
So, a black man is last on your list?
Below white men?
You get it.
I get that you full of crap.
- Hmm?
- Huh-uh.
All you Africans think
you better than us.
- Well...
- Well, what?
You don't make it easy for yourselves.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Oh, come on.
Gangbangers, welfare stamps,
the baby mamas.
You're just buying into
that racist propaganda
you see on TV.
There are more white people
on food stamps and welfare
than black people.
That's not what it says on the Fox News.
- Which is fair and balanced.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay, I'll tell you what.
Next time I get an e-mail
from a Nigerian prince,
you want me to assume it's one
of you heffas trying to scam me?
Calm down, both of you. Heffa?
Who are you calling heffa?
Kemi, Kemi, you are upsetting Gloria.
You both upsetting Gloria.
You think white folks see
a difference between us?
To them, we all look the same.
You get pulled over by a cop,
he's not gonna see your
little ranking system.
He's just gonna see this.
We wouldn't get pulled over.
We obey the traffic laws.
_
Hey, what are you doing there? Get away.
Why are you reading about Nigeria?
I said, get away.
All right, all right.
- You ever hear of privacy?
- Ah, calm down.
It's not like there's any porn on there.
- How do you know?
- I looked.
Mom's browsing history is
more interesting than yours.
So, why Nigeria?
Don't worry about it.
Ooh. Is it a charity thing?
People buy a pair of socks,
we give away a pair to a poor person?
We're not doing that.
You sure? We don't really
have to give anything away.
Nobody checks.
That's not happening.
So, what's the deal, then?
None of your business.
We're only as sick as our secrets,
big brother.
- Where'd you get that?
- Alcoholics Anonymous saying.
Are you...?
No, no, no. I just like
dating women in recovery.
- Why is that?
- Less pressure.
They hate themselves
before they sleep with me.
Come on. What's the deal?
Fine. I met somebody.
In Nigeria?
- No.
- Then where?
In the hospital.
That nurse you were looking for.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
So, she's Nigerian, then?
Yeah.
Just to be clear,
we're not talking African-American,
we're talking, like, African-African?
Or just African.
Right.
Looking at a map, where's Nigeria?
Between Benin and Cameroon.
Oh, sure, yeah. Now I know.
By the way, you and her,
it'll never work.
Why not?
Bob. Bob. Bob.
A bird may love a fish,
but where will they
build a home together?
Is that more words to live
by from women in recovery?
Actually,
that's from Fiddler on the Roof.
Which I saw
'cause I was dating a Jewish girl
who was also in recovery,
so, yeah, I guess.
Hello, Richard.
Hey, Abishola.
How's it going with Bob?
Huh... how do you know about Bob?
My God.
You told the bus driver?
I told everybody.
In this terrible world that we live in,
people need to hear good news.
You need to stop telling
people my business.
- Okay, okay.
- Thank you.
I put it on my Facebook.
I got 75 likes.
Take it down.
Why? I'm excited for you
and so are 75 people you don't know.
I just need you to stop
talking and respect my privacy.
Stop talking?
As you wish.
Don't be like that.
Like what?
I'm just respecting your privacy.
Mm. Richard,
did you know that Kemi is single?
_
Working late?
- Yup.
- Me, too.
Thank God for caffeine
and Adderall, huh?
You're still taking that stuff?
Oh, yeah. It, uh, helps
with my attention deficit disorder.
Well, I guess that's good,
but be careful,
you don't want to start depending on it.
I'm sorry, what?
Nothing. I'll see you later.
Oh, hey, Bob?
You want to keep your
personal life personal,
don't talk about it with Douglas.
Aw, damn it. You're right. Stupid.
And speaking of stupid,
are you out of your freaking mind?
- What?
- Bob,
you spent 12 years married to a woman
who shared everything with you.
I mean, you ate the same foods,
you enjoyed the same movies,
hell, you kind of looked the same.
Not at the beginning.
She turned into me.
Well, my point is, you still
couldn't make the marriage work.
How do you think it's gonna go
if you get involved with someone
you have absolutely
nothing in common with?
Well, did you ever stop to consider
that maybe opposites attract?
Baloney. Opposites avoid each other.
They hate each other.
They stab each other with steak knives.
Feels like we should be talking
about your failed marriage.
Why would you say that?
Well, you stabbed your ex-husband
in the ass with a steak knife.
Like you've never made a mistake!
- Good talk. Love you!
- Drop dead, Bob!
_
- E karo, Goodwin.
- E karo, Mr. Wheeler.
- Have you seen your lady friend again?
- Not yet,
but we have plans to have tea tomorrow.
How do you say "tea" in her language?
- Tii.
- Tii.
Perfect.
Look at me,
trying to date a woman from Nigeria.
You are pressing the envelope.
- E karo.
- E karo.
Karo.
E karo, Mr. Wheeler.
_
_
_
Hey, Mr. Wheeler.
_
_
O dabo.
_
- Bob, got a minute?
- Yeah.
I just spoke to Douglas.
There is nothing to
be embarrassed about.
I think it's wonderful.
- Really?
- Absolutely.
You have my complete support.
Wow, thanks, Mom.
You're welcome, honey.
I don't know if I ever told you this,
but I used to hang around the clubs
back when Motown Records
was getting started.
- Is that so?
- Oh, yeah.
Of course,
that was before I met your father.
There were a couple of
night spots in Detroit
where you could spend time
with the actual musicians.
Okay...
Not to brag,
but your mom sang a little harmony
with two Temptations and a Pip.
Good story. Thanks.
You remember that song
"You Can't Hurry Love"?
None of them did.
Hello.
_
Oh, yeah,
that is one very funky gallbladder.
Sponge stick.
Thank you.
So, Abishola, I hear there's
a new fellow in your life now.
Where did you hear this?
Oh, a little bird told me.
Forceps.
Does this little bird
have a Facebook page?
Yes, and a Snapchat.
Oh, my God.
You know,
my brother married a white girl.
She became a Hindu, wore a sari,
did everything right.
It was still a disaster.
I am not marrying anyone.
Well, if you do,
don't count on your family
to provide much in the way of support.
To this day, my mother refuses
to be in the same room with Betty Jo.
I got you,
you slippery bastard.
Hot potato.
Okay, let's sew him up.
I hope you're happy.
How can I not be?
I'm making green Jell-O
for hundreds of sick people.
Because of you,
everybody in this hospital
now knows about me and Bob.
I'm sorry. I did as you asked,
I took down the Facebook page,
and I returned the GoFundMe money
for your bachelorette party.
Mm-mm. More sugar.
Well, people are still talking.
Because they are rooting for you.
People love love.
There is no love.
Give it time.
I didn't really love my husband
until after he was dead.
I know you want the best for me.
I'm asking, please leave it alone.
Okay, consider it left and alone.
Thank you.
I can't believe this is what
you are feeding the patients.
Are you joking? This is
the healthiest thing on the menu.
_
- Mum?
- Hmm?
Are you okay?
Yes, uh, just tired.
- Can I ask you a question?
- Make it quick.
Are you going to marry the sock man?
Of course not. Where did you hear that?
Cousin Yemisi sent me
a Facebook message.
Ah, they are talking about it in London?
Amsterdam. They're on holiday.
Oh, my God.
Stay off the Facebook, please.
It's also on Twitter.
Stay off all of it.
Okay.
What should I tell my dad?
Your father has another
family and he lives in Lagos.
This is none of his business.
Yes, Mum.
Have you been talking to him about it?
Not anymore.
E karo, Abishola. Here's your tii.
Your tii. Your tii.
- Hello, Bob.
- Hey!
Uh, e karo, Abishola. Here's your tii.
Yes, e karo, but I cannot stay.
- Why not?
- I have decided
that it is not right for us to be...
I do not know what we are,
but we cannot be... it.
I don't understand.
You are a very nice man, and I am sorry,
but this is what has to happen.
O dabo.
_
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"MaxDot Therapeutic Hosiery.
Robert J. Wheeler, president."
Hmm. "Therapeutic hosiery." Mm.
Very fancy.
He was actually quite nice.
He said he didn't want to be a bother,
and if I changed my mind,
"the ball is in my court."
Oh, like in basketball.
No, no, it's tennis.
Ever seen how big this man is?
He does not play tennis.
- It's just a saying.
- What is?
The ball in your court.
It means she can call him.
Well, I'm not calling anybody.
I have work, I have school,
I have my son.
I have no time for balls.
Well, there goes the second date.
Auntie, Uncle,
can we speak privately, please?
Don't worry. Uh, we are Team Bob.
What is he doing here?
We invited him for tea and biscuits
to discuss whether a
match could be made.
A match? I do not want a match.
It's not about what you want.
It's about what is good
for the whole family.
Okay, it is decided.
Abishola will have tea with
you on Tuesday afternoon.
The only way I would
spend time with Abishola
is if she wants to.
Ooh. This is bad.
Abishola?
I will have tea with you.
Are you sure?
'Cause I don't want you to do
anything against your will.
I said will have tea with you.
Stop talking.
Oh, that's wonderful news.
Your brother's grandson got accepted
to the University of Nigeria.
- Which grandson?
- Which grandson?
Number 12.
Oh. David.
Good. Ooh. Ask her
to send us a bag of stockfish.
You can get that at the supermarket.
Oh, they don't sell the heads.
I like the heads.
Okay. Please send stockfish.
Make sure you wrap it properly.
Last time, the suitcase smelled terrible
and I had to tell the man at the airport
that Tunde had a leg infection.
You didn't have to tell him anything.
We could have just left.
Good morning, Auntie and Uncle.
- Good morning, Abishola.
- Good morning.
Yes, Abishola is doing very well.
She finally met a man.
Uh-uh. Who are you talking to?
- My sister.
- Which one?
The one who gave birth to you.
Mommy, I did not meet anyone.
Move away. This is my conversation.
Between work and school,
Abishola had no chance
of meeting somebody
until I stepped in.
You're welcome.
His name is Bob, he's American
and he owns a big sock company.
He was so honored to meet us
that he followed us to our home.
Eh, after he caught you spying on him.
I have already said you are welcome.
Uh, Dele, the grown-ups are talking.
Go to school.
- But I'm hungry.
- Be hungry for knowledge.
Yes, he's handsome.
Like Kevin James with a mustache...
...only more orobo.
Orobo? Bob is not that fat.
Yes.
Trust me, he's orobo.
_
So if I want to say
hello in her language...
- E karo.
- E karo.
No, no, no, e karo.
Pretty sure that's what I said.
Now, how do you say goodbye?
- O dabo.
- O dabo. O dabo.
O dabo, o dabo.
You know, I speak Mandarin.
I did not know that.
_
Nice. Now I want Chinese for lunch.
Okay, this is important.
How do you say, "I'm sorry
your aunt and uncle forced you
"to spend time with me,
but I really enjoyed myself
and I'd like to do it again"?
Ma binu iya iya re
ati egbon re fi agbara
mu o lati lo akoko pelu mi,
sugbon mo gbadun ara mi ati
Mo fe lati se e leekansi.
Uh, w-what's that first word? Binu?
It means, "I'm sorry."
That's good. That's all I need.
_
So, how are things with
you and the sock king?
There are no things.
There is just tea.
Very good.
It's going very good.
Every sock king needs a sock queen.
Stop it, both of you.
If I were to marry again...
- You will.
- I won't.
- You will. You wi...
- I won't. I won't.
But if I were to marry again,
it would only be to a Nigerian man.
Only? That kind of narrows
down your options, doesn't it?
Don't listen to her.
She has many options.
Top of the list,
Nigerian man, same tribe.
- Yoruba.
- Mm-hmm.
Then Nigerian man, different tribe.
- Igbo.
- Mm-hmm.
Then other Africans.
Except Tunisians and Egyptians.
Obviously.
Then Caribbean, then white,
then African-American.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
Wait, wait.
So, a black man is last on your list?
Below white men?
You get it.
I get that you full of crap.
- Hmm?
- Huh-uh.
All you Africans think
you better than us.
- Well...
- Well, what?
You don't make it easy for yourselves.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Oh, come on.
Gangbangers, welfare stamps,
the baby mamas.
You're just buying into
that racist propaganda
you see on TV.
There are more white people
on food stamps and welfare
than black people.
That's not what it says on the Fox News.
- Which is fair and balanced.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay, I'll tell you what.
Next time I get an e-mail
from a Nigerian prince,
you want me to assume it's one
of you heffas trying to scam me?
Calm down, both of you. Heffa?
Who are you calling heffa?
Kemi, Kemi, you are upsetting Gloria.
You both upsetting Gloria.
You think white folks see
a difference between us?
To them, we all look the same.
You get pulled over by a cop,
he's not gonna see your
little ranking system.
He's just gonna see this.
We wouldn't get pulled over.
We obey the traffic laws.
_
Hey, what are you doing there? Get away.
Why are you reading about Nigeria?
I said, get away.
All right, all right.
- You ever hear of privacy?
- Ah, calm down.
It's not like there's any porn on there.
- How do you know?
- I looked.
Mom's browsing history is
more interesting than yours.
So, why Nigeria?
Don't worry about it.
Ooh. Is it a charity thing?
People buy a pair of socks,
we give away a pair to a poor person?
We're not doing that.
You sure? We don't really
have to give anything away.
Nobody checks.
That's not happening.
So, what's the deal, then?
None of your business.
We're only as sick as our secrets,
big brother.
- Where'd you get that?
- Alcoholics Anonymous saying.
Are you...?
No, no, no. I just like
dating women in recovery.
- Why is that?
- Less pressure.
They hate themselves
before they sleep with me.
Come on. What's the deal?
Fine. I met somebody.
In Nigeria?
- No.
- Then where?
In the hospital.
That nurse you were looking for.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
So, she's Nigerian, then?
Yeah.
Just to be clear,
we're not talking African-American,
we're talking, like, African-African?
Or just African.
Right.
Looking at a map, where's Nigeria?
Between Benin and Cameroon.
Oh, sure, yeah. Now I know.
By the way, you and her,
it'll never work.
Why not?
Bob. Bob. Bob.
A bird may love a fish,
but where will they
build a home together?
Is that more words to live
by from women in recovery?
Actually,
that's from Fiddler on the Roof.
Which I saw
'cause I was dating a Jewish girl
who was also in recovery,
so, yeah, I guess.
Hello, Richard.
Hey, Abishola.
How's it going with Bob?
Huh... how do you know about Bob?
My God.
You told the bus driver?
I told everybody.
In this terrible world that we live in,
people need to hear good news.
You need to stop telling
people my business.
- Okay, okay.
- Thank you.
I put it on my Facebook.
I got 75 likes.
Take it down.
Why? I'm excited for you
and so are 75 people you don't know.
I just need you to stop
talking and respect my privacy.
Stop talking?
As you wish.
Don't be like that.
Like what?
I'm just respecting your privacy.
Mm. Richard,
did you know that Kemi is single?
_
Working late?
- Yup.
- Me, too.
Thank God for caffeine
and Adderall, huh?
You're still taking that stuff?
Oh, yeah. It, uh, helps
with my attention deficit disorder.
Well, I guess that's good,
but be careful,
you don't want to start depending on it.
I'm sorry, what?
Nothing. I'll see you later.
Oh, hey, Bob?
You want to keep your
personal life personal,
don't talk about it with Douglas.
Aw, damn it. You're right. Stupid.
And speaking of stupid,
are you out of your freaking mind?
- What?
- Bob,
you spent 12 years married to a woman
who shared everything with you.
I mean, you ate the same foods,
you enjoyed the same movies,
hell, you kind of looked the same.
Not at the beginning.
She turned into me.
Well, my point is, you still
couldn't make the marriage work.
How do you think it's gonna go
if you get involved with someone
you have absolutely
nothing in common with?
Well, did you ever stop to consider
that maybe opposites attract?
Baloney. Opposites avoid each other.
They hate each other.
They stab each other with steak knives.
Feels like we should be talking
about your failed marriage.
Why would you say that?
Well, you stabbed your ex-husband
in the ass with a steak knife.
Like you've never made a mistake!
- Good talk. Love you!
- Drop dead, Bob!
_
- E karo, Goodwin.
- E karo, Mr. Wheeler.
- Have you seen your lady friend again?
- Not yet,
but we have plans to have tea tomorrow.
How do you say "tea" in her language?
- Tii.
- Tii.
Perfect.
Look at me,
trying to date a woman from Nigeria.
You are pressing the envelope.
- E karo.
- E karo.
Karo.
E karo, Mr. Wheeler.
_
_
_
Hey, Mr. Wheeler.
_
_
O dabo.
_
- Bob, got a minute?
- Yeah.
I just spoke to Douglas.
There is nothing to
be embarrassed about.
I think it's wonderful.
- Really?
- Absolutely.
You have my complete support.
Wow, thanks, Mom.
You're welcome, honey.
I don't know if I ever told you this,
but I used to hang around the clubs
back when Motown Records
was getting started.
- Is that so?
- Oh, yeah.
Of course,
that was before I met your father.
There were a couple of
night spots in Detroit
where you could spend time
with the actual musicians.
Okay...
Not to brag,
but your mom sang a little harmony
with two Temptations and a Pip.
Good story. Thanks.
You remember that song
"You Can't Hurry Love"?
None of them did.
Hello.
_
Oh, yeah,
that is one very funky gallbladder.
Sponge stick.
Thank you.
So, Abishola, I hear there's
a new fellow in your life now.
Where did you hear this?
Oh, a little bird told me.
Forceps.
Does this little bird
have a Facebook page?
Yes, and a Snapchat.
Oh, my God.
You know,
my brother married a white girl.
She became a Hindu, wore a sari,
did everything right.
It was still a disaster.
I am not marrying anyone.
Well, if you do,
don't count on your family
to provide much in the way of support.
To this day, my mother refuses
to be in the same room with Betty Jo.
I got you,
you slippery bastard.
Hot potato.
Okay, let's sew him up.
I hope you're happy.
How can I not be?
I'm making green Jell-O
for hundreds of sick people.
Because of you,
everybody in this hospital
now knows about me and Bob.
I'm sorry. I did as you asked,
I took down the Facebook page,
and I returned the GoFundMe money
for your bachelorette party.
Mm-mm. More sugar.
Well, people are still talking.
Because they are rooting for you.
People love love.
There is no love.
Give it time.
I didn't really love my husband
until after he was dead.
I know you want the best for me.
I'm asking, please leave it alone.
Okay, consider it left and alone.
Thank you.
I can't believe this is what
you are feeding the patients.
Are you joking? This is
the healthiest thing on the menu.
_
- Mum?
- Hmm?
Are you okay?
Yes, uh, just tired.
- Can I ask you a question?
- Make it quick.
Are you going to marry the sock man?
Of course not. Where did you hear that?
Cousin Yemisi sent me
a Facebook message.
Ah, they are talking about it in London?
Amsterdam. They're on holiday.
Oh, my God.
Stay off the Facebook, please.
It's also on Twitter.
Stay off all of it.
Okay.
What should I tell my dad?
Your father has another
family and he lives in Lagos.
This is none of his business.
Yes, Mum.
Have you been talking to him about it?
Not anymore.
E karo, Abishola. Here's your tii.
Your tii. Your tii.
- Hello, Bob.
- Hey!
Uh, e karo, Abishola. Here's your tii.
Yes, e karo, but I cannot stay.
- Why not?
- I have decided
that it is not right for us to be...
I do not know what we are,
but we cannot be... it.
I don't understand.
You are a very nice man, and I am sorry,
but this is what has to happen.
O dabo.
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