Blood Drive (2017): Season 1, Episode 6 - Booby Traps - full transcript
Previously on "Blood Drive..."
What better place to
test a passion potion
than the uptight little
hamlet of Meadeville?
So what, this is some
sort of sex plague?
- Arthur...
- Come on.
What the hell'd you do to me?
Christopher, wherever
you're keeping him,
he's a good cop too.
I knew you wouldn't abandon me, buddy.
You got your boy on the inside.
Listen. I want tits murdering dicks!
Guys, "Blood Drive's" getting picked up.
We got future episode outlines.
We got air dates.
Everything's here.
Yes, I will take it down
to The Hall of Secrets.
Karma was transferred
from Kane Hill
to the Claireview
Rehabilitation Center for Women.
I've rerouted the next leg
to take you right past it,
but if you're the last one
across that finish line,
rules still apply.
We only have one shot at this.
We gotta race balls out,
build up an early lead
- so we have enough time.
- Great.
So we find Claireview and
bust Karma out of there
and haul ass across the finish line
before our heads explode.
- Pretty solid exposition.
- Oh, eat me, Barbie.
So, um...
about last night.
I mean, with us.
I was under the influence.
So I just don't want
things to get, you know,
weird out there on the road.
- No, no, no weirdness.
- Okay.
We're, you know, got it on lock.
I'm... I'm dialed in.
So relax, Barbie. You're off the hook.
But only because I'm in
a kick-ass mood today.
I'm gonna see my baby sister.
I just think we make a good team,
and I don't wanna mess that up.
You really think we make a good team?
Yeah, I think we complement each other.
Sort of the way a left-brain,
right-brain work together.
You know, you're
tough and street-smart,
and sort of, uh...
a murderer.
Good morning, Blood Drivers.
Forgive my absence.
Last night's excitement left me
in a sticky situation.
Pretty sure that
some of you out there
might just be able to relate,
but this morning we begin
with the most frightening words
in all of Blood Drive:
There's been a change of plan.
For the first time
in Blood Drive history,
we're racing directly
through the Savage Land.
Drivers, start your engines.
What do... what are you...
You make it too easy.
Lighten up, Barbie.
We've just got grenades in our heads,
driving blood-drinking
cars through the wasteland
in order to find Karma.
Piece of cake.
As a gentle reminder
to keep that right foot down
and your eyes on the prize,
we rigged your car to
shut down for ten minutes
if you touch the brakes
even for a moment.
That's right, ladies
and gentlemen,
Blood Drive has gone brakeless.
See you at the finish line.
A little fast.
Little fast.
Watch it. Watch it.
If we don't build a gap, we're dead.
What're you doing?
Pedal boys.
Making great time, hon.
You know what's wonderful
about this moment?
- Potentially winning?
- No, no.
That we're doing it together.
Oh, that too.
It's like we turned back the clock.
Yep.
Before you started killing on your own.
In the bathroom with the
handle of a hairbrush.
Water running like I can't hear
what's going on in there. Oh, God.
We're gonna be a real
homicidal couple again.
This is just super.
When I started doing it without you?
Right.
Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?
Are you ever at fault?
- There we go.
- Why do you drive me away?
Ro's coming for ya!
Also means you're dead!
There you are, partner.
Not trying to be
a fuddy-duddy...
Just hold on. I'm coming your way.
'Cause I'm the man with the plan.
You're awake much earlier than usual.
Who are you talking to?
Nobody, baby.
I got some work stuff to take care of
before my shift starts.
It's like we never
get a break, you know?
I do not.
Security guards appear
to do very little.
Wow. Okay.
Agree to dis'.
Your behavior is strange.
You have more swagger.
Your body language is
that of an alpha primate.
Last night, a lot of things
changed between us, baby.
You're referring to our intercourse?
Totally.
Oh, hey, might be home late tonight.
Might grab a drink after
work so don't wait up.
Unacceptable.
Hey, hey, hey.
Relax.
We took things to a new level.
You know what I'm saying?
Emotional levels. Feelings.
We're, like, vulnerable
to each other's needs now.
So there'll be times when
you're gonna lean on me
and then other times...
When I'm not gonna come home
and do what the fuck I want.
Yes, dear.
- Really?
- Correct.
I have no reason not to trust you.
Really?
Okay.
So I'll be back later.
I look forward to it.
Have a lovely day.
I think we got this.
If we keep this pace we should be fine.
Is that...?
Barbarian horde?
Yep, that's a barbarian horde.
Did they... holy shit!
Okay.
Stay calm! Stay calm!
Don't brake! Don't brake!
Find me, you bitch.
Aah.
That was way too close.
On the bright side,
we're in first place now.
What's wrong with looking
on the bright side?
Whoa! Shit!
I can't see. I can't see!
- We got this.
- How exactly do we got this?
I'm a great backseat driver.
Just ask Christopher. Uh...
Right, right, right, right.
I don't know how long
I can keep this up.
Okay, just keep it straight.
- What're they doing?
- Where are they going?
Oh, shit, slow down.
You gotta slow down.
More. Stop the car.
- We can't.
- You gotta brake.
- We can't!
- The road's blocked ahead!
- Stop... you gotta hit the brake!
- We can't!
Arthur, no!
- You're welcome.
- Engine disabled.
Ten minutes.
We just got Wile E. Coyote'd.
End of the line. Let's go, Barbie.
Beep, beep.
I got this.
How are you? Name is Arthur Bailey.
- Great to me...
- Aah!
Oh.
What the hell?
You!
You were on stage the
night Arthur disappeared.
I'm sorry but if you'd
like a signed photo
you'll have to send a
self-addressed stamped envelope
to 5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5...
- Where is he?
- Safe...
in my capable hands.
Where's Arthur?
Is that who you're really looking for
down here, Christopher? Hmm?
I thought you'd joined Heart Enterprises
for the robot pussy.
How'd you know about that?
How's that investigation
going, constable?
Hmm?
Shut up. What Aki and I share
is none of your business.
Aha.
I suspect trust isn't
what you're sharing.
You know, she's watching us right now
through that new eye of yours.
Hello?
Hello. Aki, darling.
Stop it!
Say hello to the misses.
So, beautiful.
My name is Carolina.
Do you know where we are?
This is Majora. Our home.
They call us Barbarians,
but it's not exactly barbaric, is it?
The Seedmakers abandoned this resort
because it didn't produce
enough cash for them.
The Penny...
And the Penis...
Are all they care about.
Follow me.
All right!
Take it off.
The world went to hell so
you opened a Burke Williams?
Males roll in the dirt like pigs,
doesn't mean we have to.
Look, I don't have time for this.
I need to go get my sister.
You'll find many sisters here, Grace.
My real sister.
Take a seat.
Sit down.
Relax.
When I get back, you and I
will have a nice, long chat,
and you can tell me all
about why you can't stay
here in paradise.
Move it along. Let's go.
The hell?
Fuck a chainsaw.
Oh, God.
What the fuck?
Oh, thank God. Never again.
I'll never come in
here again. I promise.
What do you want from me, Domi?
The only language I speak is English.
Not you language, idiot.
Your love language.
Did you read any of the
books that I gave you?
Oh, yeah, that's what we need.
Another book to tell me
how to make "Kiss Coupons"
or my... my "Seven Daily
Marriage Affirmations."
It doesn't work if you don't try.
No wonder we can't make any progress.
You're emotionally immature.
You don't even have emotions!
The doctor said so!
It's not my fault
those books are a scam.
All you do is treat me like a kid,
telling me what to do all the time.
I wouldn't have to if you read a book
that told you how to be a man.
I'd like to get out now.
Can't stop. No brakes.
Besides, if I left you behind,
your head would blow up.
More importantly, so would mine.
Good, because I'd rather
be a smear on the highway
than have to ride another mile
with a...
A what, Cliff? Say it.
Say it. Or are you too stupid?
Well, I was stupid enough to marry you!
Apologize.
No.
Engine disabled. Ten minutes.
Well, then we're gonna
sit here until we both die,
because there is no way that
I am crossing the finish line
with a pathetic little loser like you.
Oh. Hello.
I suppose this is my fault too.
Hey.
Water.
Please. Water.
Thank the goddamn tits.
Finally, another dude.
Shh.
Don't tell 'em I got this.
Don't get your hopes up.
It only opens this door.
Keep the juices flowing, man.
You're gonna need it.
How long have you been here?
Uh...
No idea.
What do they want from you?
The only thing they
can't get on their own.
The Clam Ram.
- You mean they...
- Look for yourself.
Ah. Oh...
Quiet!
Ah, oh, God!
Oh, shit. Oh, God.
How are you still alive?
Eh, it's not so bad.
After a while, it just kind of tingles.
Glad there's another bro here, though.
Move it.
Hey, dude...
welcome to paradise!
Can I get a beer?
Ah.
Ah, I am loving this little pit stop.
Yeah, we'll see how much you
love it when we lose the race
and our heads explode.
Half the field is back on the highway
waiting for their cars to turn on.
There's more than enough time to enjoy
a bit of Majora's hospitality.
And this is so refreshing.
Don't you think?
Like citrus breeze.
Stop right there.
Back down.
I understand your resistance,
but I want you to tear
down your wall and be free.
Everybody's free here at Majora.
Yeah, what about him?
- Every person here is free.
- Yeah, got it.
Um, all right, well,
thanks for the wash and wax,
but I have places to
be, so where's Arthur?
Is Arthur your male?
No, he is not my male.
He is my partner,
and we have a rehab facility to get to,
so if you ladies don't mind...
Claireview Rehabilitation
Center for Women?
You know it?
We were inmates there.
Tortured by their guards,
their men,
but we burned that
hell hole to the ground.
So if you're still
trying to find Claireview,
why don't you head up north
and look for the crater?
It might still be smoking.
Another dead end.
Goddamn it, Karma,
you never make this easy, do you?
Karma D'Argento's your sister?
How do you know that name?
She's been with us since the beginning.
Take me to her.
Yeah, sorry. Could I, uh,
uh, could I, uh, you know, get a beer?
Ah, sorry, man. All out.
You got a whole coo...
You got a whole cooler.
- We gotta get outta here.
- Nice.
Don't be such a whiny bitch, dude.
The ladies feed us, give us beer,
and all we gotta do is jizz for it.
Basically, we're living the dream.
They suck semen out of your body
with a milking machine.
Yeah?
But at least the machine's
not allowed to vote.
Am I right?
Up top... like...
Grace's male.
Let's go.
Batter up, man.
Let it all hang out.
- Hey, thanks for the beer, man.
- Yeah, no problem.
No, I'm a hugger.
Whew.
We're afraid our audience
won't be able to connect
to any of these characters.
They barely even wanna fuck 'em.
Because they're not cool.
Maybe we should have 'em in sunglasses.
And smoke. Smoking and sunglasses.
But there needs to be a story.
Subtle, nuanced characterizations
of love, betrayal, and...
No one cares about story.
We told you that.
Yes, tell me again
about how my show works.
We intend to. I reviewed your SDCs.
They are well below target range.
My Strategic Dismemberment
Counts are 38% above target.
And your survival rates are too high.
Your per capita maim
number's the lowest we've seen
- in a decade.
- And worst of all,
in your most recent race report,
I count 15 typos.
15.
- Impossible.
- You're aware of our policy
mandating the use of the Oxford comma?
- What the fuck, man?
- Nothing more than
a stylistic conceit
of publishing houses.
Entirely gratuitous to precise language.
That's enough, Slink.
I'm sorry. All this bend-your-wrist
song and dance horseshit
just doesn't do it for me.
Here's the top line note.
Between the Meadeville fiasco
and the escapades at Kane Hill,
you've lost control.
Our in-house viewership has
spiked to an all-time high
since you've been absent.
We're going public.
"Blood Drive" will air
worldwide starting next Wednesday.
Finally.
Without you.
What?
But how?
How? You... you...
you can't just... just
plop the "Blood Drive"
into people's homes
without my guiding hand.
A work like this,
it needs a singular voice, an artist,
and I will not compromise
my vision for anyone.
We don't need you.
Fine. We'll do it your way then,
but I'd like a larger trailer.
Just tell me what you want.
I want you to die.
What do you mean, we can't kill him?
What the fuck is a holding deal?
Jesus.
I guess we've still got
some bullshit to work out.
We owe our lives to your sister.
All of Majora exists
because of her bravery.
She led the revolt at Claireview.
I always knew that I was strong,
but when I saw your sister fight, damn.
She made us brave.
She made us all brave.
This is a holy place.
Wait, where's Karma?
I'm sorry.
Karma fell in the revolt.
There was nothing I could do.
Wait. What do you mean?
Karma's dead.
How did she die?
There was so much chaos.
All I know is she fought like a warrior.
She died alone?
She died surrounded by her sisters.
No!
I'm her sister.
I should have been here. I
should have... I should have...
I need to be with her alone.
Sisters, leave us quickly.
Quickly!
Can I ask you...
why'd you two part ways
if you were so close?
It's complicated.
There was this guy that...
You see? Men.
Men took Karma away from you,
and men took Karma away from me.
Oh, for fuck sakes, just go!
- Aah!
- Causing trouble already?
What you're doing to
those men is immoral.
The Seedmakers have food,
shelter, a reason to ejaculate.
That's all the beasts need.
Put him on the altar,
and when he's dead, kill
the short, silly one too.
Up, up!
Domi.
Your wife's not gonna save you.
She can't fight as well as us.
- Shut up.
- It's not her fault.
It's genetics.
Come on, baby.
Get me out of here.
_
_
_
_
_
Ladies, I want to thank you
for the delightful spa
treatment and refreshments...
But it's time I see myself out.
Hello, honey.
How was your day?
Oh, you know.
How was yours?
Acceptable.
I know this is new to both of us.
Relationships are work and shit.
But when you installed
my prosthetic eye,
did you install some sort of software
so you could see what I'm seeing?
And some sort of...
puke-cannon?
How else could I trust you?
Baby, why?
One of my many objectives is
to maintain a level of control
over Heart assets.
Is that all I am to you?
Just... just another asset?
'Cause I thought we had something...
Oh, baby.
I'm an Autonomous Kinetic
Intercourse Machine.
I have no emotional directives,
and even if I did,
they would not be affected by
filling my semen reservoirs.
But... I thought I could trust you.
Trust?
Like I could trust
you not to snoop around
where you don't belong?
If you were attempting
to manipulate my emotions,
Christopher...
I'm afraid you've only
manipulated yourself.
I have no emotions.
I feel nothing.
So we'll just keep it casual, I guess.
After all...
you're literally
just a sex object.
I was too late.
All those miles I raced,
all those people I killed.
None of it mattered.
Is this what it felt like?
Is this what it felt
like when I left you?
'Cause it hurts so bad.
Grace! Aah!
I thought she'd come for me.
Ah, forget about her, man.
You wanna...
I don't know...
sneak into the seeding room and...
milk ourselves?
You know, teach 'em a lesson?
Hey there, handsome.
Grace!
Aah!
No Grace, no mercy.
Aah! Aah!
Why are hot girls always so mean?
You keep on talking
and you'll die.
I can't help that I'm charming.
All Seedmakers, you're all the same.
You killed Karma and you
destroyed Grace's life!
No, no, no, you got it all wrong.
I'm trying to help her!
Leave him alone!
Ugh.
I didn't want you to see this, Grace,
but I'm glad you're here now.
This is the only way you'll be free.
You did this.
Sisters, defend Majora!
Grace. Grace.
Cut the ropes. We'll take her together.
I got this, Barbie.
It's girl's night.
You're poison, Grace.
Brainwashed by the Capitalists
and the Warmongers
- and the Seedmakers.
- Shut up, Carolina.
Your bullshit's already
killed one D'Argento.
It wasn't my fault. I loved her.
Grace, what're you doing?
Let's see if you can kill another.
I'm done fighting.
- Aah!
- Grace!
You're a fucking disgrace to your kind.
Yeah? What kind is that?
Huh?
An angry, bitter piece of shit
that blames the world for her mistakes?
That's not what I taught my sister,
and I know that's not what
she would want for this place.
You failed her.
Just like I failed her.
'Cause here's the truth.
No matter what shit you've been through,
it doesn't justify hurting other people.
He taught me that.
Then it's a lie.
No, the truth's the truth,
no matter what idiot says it.
So come on, Carolina.
I'm dying to see what a
washed-up failure like you
can do to me.
Grace!
Why you laughing, huh?
Huh? Is that all you got?
What, you can't finish the job?
I know what you're trying to do.
You want to be punished for your guilt,
and I won't be part of it.
Come on, Carolina.
Look how quickly we've
torn ourselves apart.
Grace. What'd you do to her?
Nothing we haven't done to ourselves.
I'm so sorry we had
that little kerfuffle.
I'm sorry too. It was
completely my fault.
You know, you're right.
Solving problems together,
that's when we're at our best.
I'm so glad you said that because...
I have a little project
that the two of us can share.
Sweetheart, that is
the most romantic thing
anyone has ever done for me.
I'm sorry about Karma.
I know there's nothing I can
do to bring her back to you.
But all that pain was
put on you by Heart.
Your sister is one of
thousands of victims.
The truth is...
I don't know how I can do
this without you anymore.
So no more bullshit.
Nothing tying us down.
You and me working together
actually stand a chance to fight Heart
for Karma and all the rest of 'em.
Grace, we're so close.
I need you.
Grace, talk to me.
Can you hear me?
Grace?
Grace?
What better place to
test a passion potion
than the uptight little
hamlet of Meadeville?
So what, this is some
sort of sex plague?
- Arthur...
- Come on.
What the hell'd you do to me?
Christopher, wherever
you're keeping him,
he's a good cop too.
I knew you wouldn't abandon me, buddy.
You got your boy on the inside.
Listen. I want tits murdering dicks!
Guys, "Blood Drive's" getting picked up.
We got future episode outlines.
We got air dates.
Everything's here.
Yes, I will take it down
to The Hall of Secrets.
Karma was transferred
from Kane Hill
to the Claireview
Rehabilitation Center for Women.
I've rerouted the next leg
to take you right past it,
but if you're the last one
across that finish line,
rules still apply.
We only have one shot at this.
We gotta race balls out,
build up an early lead
- so we have enough time.
- Great.
So we find Claireview and
bust Karma out of there
and haul ass across the finish line
before our heads explode.
- Pretty solid exposition.
- Oh, eat me, Barbie.
So, um...
about last night.
I mean, with us.
I was under the influence.
So I just don't want
things to get, you know,
weird out there on the road.
- No, no, no weirdness.
- Okay.
We're, you know, got it on lock.
I'm... I'm dialed in.
So relax, Barbie. You're off the hook.
But only because I'm in
a kick-ass mood today.
I'm gonna see my baby sister.
I just think we make a good team,
and I don't wanna mess that up.
You really think we make a good team?
Yeah, I think we complement each other.
Sort of the way a left-brain,
right-brain work together.
You know, you're
tough and street-smart,
and sort of, uh...
a murderer.
Good morning, Blood Drivers.
Forgive my absence.
Last night's excitement left me
in a sticky situation.
Pretty sure that
some of you out there
might just be able to relate,
but this morning we begin
with the most frightening words
in all of Blood Drive:
There's been a change of plan.
For the first time
in Blood Drive history,
we're racing directly
through the Savage Land.
Drivers, start your engines.
What do... what are you...
You make it too easy.
Lighten up, Barbie.
We've just got grenades in our heads,
driving blood-drinking
cars through the wasteland
in order to find Karma.
Piece of cake.
As a gentle reminder
to keep that right foot down
and your eyes on the prize,
we rigged your car to
shut down for ten minutes
if you touch the brakes
even for a moment.
That's right, ladies
and gentlemen,
Blood Drive has gone brakeless.
See you at the finish line.
A little fast.
Little fast.
Watch it. Watch it.
If we don't build a gap, we're dead.
What're you doing?
Pedal boys.
Making great time, hon.
You know what's wonderful
about this moment?
- Potentially winning?
- No, no.
That we're doing it together.
Oh, that too.
It's like we turned back the clock.
Yep.
Before you started killing on your own.
In the bathroom with the
handle of a hairbrush.
Water running like I can't hear
what's going on in there. Oh, God.
We're gonna be a real
homicidal couple again.
This is just super.
When I started doing it without you?
Right.
Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?
Are you ever at fault?
- There we go.
- Why do you drive me away?
Ro's coming for ya!
Also means you're dead!
There you are, partner.
Not trying to be
a fuddy-duddy...
Just hold on. I'm coming your way.
'Cause I'm the man with the plan.
You're awake much earlier than usual.
Who are you talking to?
Nobody, baby.
I got some work stuff to take care of
before my shift starts.
It's like we never
get a break, you know?
I do not.
Security guards appear
to do very little.
Wow. Okay.
Agree to dis'.
Your behavior is strange.
You have more swagger.
Your body language is
that of an alpha primate.
Last night, a lot of things
changed between us, baby.
You're referring to our intercourse?
Totally.
Oh, hey, might be home late tonight.
Might grab a drink after
work so don't wait up.
Unacceptable.
Hey, hey, hey.
Relax.
We took things to a new level.
You know what I'm saying?
Emotional levels. Feelings.
We're, like, vulnerable
to each other's needs now.
So there'll be times when
you're gonna lean on me
and then other times...
When I'm not gonna come home
and do what the fuck I want.
Yes, dear.
- Really?
- Correct.
I have no reason not to trust you.
Really?
Okay.
So I'll be back later.
I look forward to it.
Have a lovely day.
I think we got this.
If we keep this pace we should be fine.
Is that...?
Barbarian horde?
Yep, that's a barbarian horde.
Did they... holy shit!
Okay.
Stay calm! Stay calm!
Don't brake! Don't brake!
Find me, you bitch.
Aah.
That was way too close.
On the bright side,
we're in first place now.
What's wrong with looking
on the bright side?
Whoa! Shit!
I can't see. I can't see!
- We got this.
- How exactly do we got this?
I'm a great backseat driver.
Just ask Christopher. Uh...
Right, right, right, right.
I don't know how long
I can keep this up.
Okay, just keep it straight.
- What're they doing?
- Where are they going?
Oh, shit, slow down.
You gotta slow down.
More. Stop the car.
- We can't.
- You gotta brake.
- We can't!
- The road's blocked ahead!
- Stop... you gotta hit the brake!
- We can't!
Arthur, no!
- You're welcome.
- Engine disabled.
Ten minutes.
We just got Wile E. Coyote'd.
End of the line. Let's go, Barbie.
Beep, beep.
I got this.
How are you? Name is Arthur Bailey.
- Great to me...
- Aah!
Oh.
What the hell?
You!
You were on stage the
night Arthur disappeared.
I'm sorry but if you'd
like a signed photo
you'll have to send a
self-addressed stamped envelope
to 5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5...
- Where is he?
- Safe...
in my capable hands.
Where's Arthur?
Is that who you're really looking for
down here, Christopher? Hmm?
I thought you'd joined Heart Enterprises
for the robot pussy.
How'd you know about that?
How's that investigation
going, constable?
Hmm?
Shut up. What Aki and I share
is none of your business.
Aha.
I suspect trust isn't
what you're sharing.
You know, she's watching us right now
through that new eye of yours.
Hello?
Hello. Aki, darling.
Stop it!
Say hello to the misses.
So, beautiful.
My name is Carolina.
Do you know where we are?
This is Majora. Our home.
They call us Barbarians,
but it's not exactly barbaric, is it?
The Seedmakers abandoned this resort
because it didn't produce
enough cash for them.
The Penny...
And the Penis...
Are all they care about.
Follow me.
All right!
Take it off.
The world went to hell so
you opened a Burke Williams?
Males roll in the dirt like pigs,
doesn't mean we have to.
Look, I don't have time for this.
I need to go get my sister.
You'll find many sisters here, Grace.
My real sister.
Take a seat.
Sit down.
Relax.
When I get back, you and I
will have a nice, long chat,
and you can tell me all
about why you can't stay
here in paradise.
Move it along. Let's go.
The hell?
Fuck a chainsaw.
Oh, God.
What the fuck?
Oh, thank God. Never again.
I'll never come in
here again. I promise.
What do you want from me, Domi?
The only language I speak is English.
Not you language, idiot.
Your love language.
Did you read any of the
books that I gave you?
Oh, yeah, that's what we need.
Another book to tell me
how to make "Kiss Coupons"
or my... my "Seven Daily
Marriage Affirmations."
It doesn't work if you don't try.
No wonder we can't make any progress.
You're emotionally immature.
You don't even have emotions!
The doctor said so!
It's not my fault
those books are a scam.
All you do is treat me like a kid,
telling me what to do all the time.
I wouldn't have to if you read a book
that told you how to be a man.
I'd like to get out now.
Can't stop. No brakes.
Besides, if I left you behind,
your head would blow up.
More importantly, so would mine.
Good, because I'd rather
be a smear on the highway
than have to ride another mile
with a...
A what, Cliff? Say it.
Say it. Or are you too stupid?
Well, I was stupid enough to marry you!
Apologize.
No.
Engine disabled. Ten minutes.
Well, then we're gonna
sit here until we both die,
because there is no way that
I am crossing the finish line
with a pathetic little loser like you.
Oh. Hello.
I suppose this is my fault too.
Hey.
Water.
Please. Water.
Thank the goddamn tits.
Finally, another dude.
Shh.
Don't tell 'em I got this.
Don't get your hopes up.
It only opens this door.
Keep the juices flowing, man.
You're gonna need it.
How long have you been here?
Uh...
No idea.
What do they want from you?
The only thing they
can't get on their own.
The Clam Ram.
- You mean they...
- Look for yourself.
Ah. Oh...
Quiet!
Ah, oh, God!
Oh, shit. Oh, God.
How are you still alive?
Eh, it's not so bad.
After a while, it just kind of tingles.
Glad there's another bro here, though.
Move it.
Hey, dude...
welcome to paradise!
Can I get a beer?
Ah.
Ah, I am loving this little pit stop.
Yeah, we'll see how much you
love it when we lose the race
and our heads explode.
Half the field is back on the highway
waiting for their cars to turn on.
There's more than enough time to enjoy
a bit of Majora's hospitality.
And this is so refreshing.
Don't you think?
Like citrus breeze.
Stop right there.
Back down.
I understand your resistance,
but I want you to tear
down your wall and be free.
Everybody's free here at Majora.
Yeah, what about him?
- Every person here is free.
- Yeah, got it.
Um, all right, well,
thanks for the wash and wax,
but I have places to
be, so where's Arthur?
Is Arthur your male?
No, he is not my male.
He is my partner,
and we have a rehab facility to get to,
so if you ladies don't mind...
Claireview Rehabilitation
Center for Women?
You know it?
We were inmates there.
Tortured by their guards,
their men,
but we burned that
hell hole to the ground.
So if you're still
trying to find Claireview,
why don't you head up north
and look for the crater?
It might still be smoking.
Another dead end.
Goddamn it, Karma,
you never make this easy, do you?
Karma D'Argento's your sister?
How do you know that name?
She's been with us since the beginning.
Take me to her.
Yeah, sorry. Could I, uh,
uh, could I, uh, you know, get a beer?
Ah, sorry, man. All out.
You got a whole coo...
You got a whole cooler.
- We gotta get outta here.
- Nice.
Don't be such a whiny bitch, dude.
The ladies feed us, give us beer,
and all we gotta do is jizz for it.
Basically, we're living the dream.
They suck semen out of your body
with a milking machine.
Yeah?
But at least the machine's
not allowed to vote.
Am I right?
Up top... like...
Grace's male.
Let's go.
Batter up, man.
Let it all hang out.
- Hey, thanks for the beer, man.
- Yeah, no problem.
No, I'm a hugger.
Whew.
We're afraid our audience
won't be able to connect
to any of these characters.
They barely even wanna fuck 'em.
Because they're not cool.
Maybe we should have 'em in sunglasses.
And smoke. Smoking and sunglasses.
But there needs to be a story.
Subtle, nuanced characterizations
of love, betrayal, and...
No one cares about story.
We told you that.
Yes, tell me again
about how my show works.
We intend to. I reviewed your SDCs.
They are well below target range.
My Strategic Dismemberment
Counts are 38% above target.
And your survival rates are too high.
Your per capita maim
number's the lowest we've seen
- in a decade.
- And worst of all,
in your most recent race report,
I count 15 typos.
15.
- Impossible.
- You're aware of our policy
mandating the use of the Oxford comma?
- What the fuck, man?
- Nothing more than
a stylistic conceit
of publishing houses.
Entirely gratuitous to precise language.
That's enough, Slink.
I'm sorry. All this bend-your-wrist
song and dance horseshit
just doesn't do it for me.
Here's the top line note.
Between the Meadeville fiasco
and the escapades at Kane Hill,
you've lost control.
Our in-house viewership has
spiked to an all-time high
since you've been absent.
We're going public.
"Blood Drive" will air
worldwide starting next Wednesday.
Finally.
Without you.
What?
But how?
How? You... you...
you can't just... just
plop the "Blood Drive"
into people's homes
without my guiding hand.
A work like this,
it needs a singular voice, an artist,
and I will not compromise
my vision for anyone.
We don't need you.
Fine. We'll do it your way then,
but I'd like a larger trailer.
Just tell me what you want.
I want you to die.
What do you mean, we can't kill him?
What the fuck is a holding deal?
Jesus.
I guess we've still got
some bullshit to work out.
We owe our lives to your sister.
All of Majora exists
because of her bravery.
She led the revolt at Claireview.
I always knew that I was strong,
but when I saw your sister fight, damn.
She made us brave.
She made us all brave.
This is a holy place.
Wait, where's Karma?
I'm sorry.
Karma fell in the revolt.
There was nothing I could do.
Wait. What do you mean?
Karma's dead.
How did she die?
There was so much chaos.
All I know is she fought like a warrior.
She died alone?
She died surrounded by her sisters.
No!
I'm her sister.
I should have been here. I
should have... I should have...
I need to be with her alone.
Sisters, leave us quickly.
Quickly!
Can I ask you...
why'd you two part ways
if you were so close?
It's complicated.
There was this guy that...
You see? Men.
Men took Karma away from you,
and men took Karma away from me.
Oh, for fuck sakes, just go!
- Aah!
- Causing trouble already?
What you're doing to
those men is immoral.
The Seedmakers have food,
shelter, a reason to ejaculate.
That's all the beasts need.
Put him on the altar,
and when he's dead, kill
the short, silly one too.
Up, up!
Domi.
Your wife's not gonna save you.
She can't fight as well as us.
- Shut up.
- It's not her fault.
It's genetics.
Come on, baby.
Get me out of here.
_
_
_
_
_
Ladies, I want to thank you
for the delightful spa
treatment and refreshments...
But it's time I see myself out.
Hello, honey.
How was your day?
Oh, you know.
How was yours?
Acceptable.
I know this is new to both of us.
Relationships are work and shit.
But when you installed
my prosthetic eye,
did you install some sort of software
so you could see what I'm seeing?
And some sort of...
puke-cannon?
How else could I trust you?
Baby, why?
One of my many objectives is
to maintain a level of control
over Heart assets.
Is that all I am to you?
Just... just another asset?
'Cause I thought we had something...
Oh, baby.
I'm an Autonomous Kinetic
Intercourse Machine.
I have no emotional directives,
and even if I did,
they would not be affected by
filling my semen reservoirs.
But... I thought I could trust you.
Trust?
Like I could trust
you not to snoop around
where you don't belong?
If you were attempting
to manipulate my emotions,
Christopher...
I'm afraid you've only
manipulated yourself.
I have no emotions.
I feel nothing.
So we'll just keep it casual, I guess.
After all...
you're literally
just a sex object.
I was too late.
All those miles I raced,
all those people I killed.
None of it mattered.
Is this what it felt like?
Is this what it felt
like when I left you?
'Cause it hurts so bad.
Grace! Aah!
I thought she'd come for me.
Ah, forget about her, man.
You wanna...
I don't know...
sneak into the seeding room and...
milk ourselves?
You know, teach 'em a lesson?
Hey there, handsome.
Grace!
Aah!
No Grace, no mercy.
Aah! Aah!
Why are hot girls always so mean?
You keep on talking
and you'll die.
I can't help that I'm charming.
All Seedmakers, you're all the same.
You killed Karma and you
destroyed Grace's life!
No, no, no, you got it all wrong.
I'm trying to help her!
Leave him alone!
Ugh.
I didn't want you to see this, Grace,
but I'm glad you're here now.
This is the only way you'll be free.
You did this.
Sisters, defend Majora!
Grace. Grace.
Cut the ropes. We'll take her together.
I got this, Barbie.
It's girl's night.
You're poison, Grace.
Brainwashed by the Capitalists
and the Warmongers
- and the Seedmakers.
- Shut up, Carolina.
Your bullshit's already
killed one D'Argento.
It wasn't my fault. I loved her.
Grace, what're you doing?
Let's see if you can kill another.
I'm done fighting.
- Aah!
- Grace!
You're a fucking disgrace to your kind.
Yeah? What kind is that?
Huh?
An angry, bitter piece of shit
that blames the world for her mistakes?
That's not what I taught my sister,
and I know that's not what
she would want for this place.
You failed her.
Just like I failed her.
'Cause here's the truth.
No matter what shit you've been through,
it doesn't justify hurting other people.
He taught me that.
Then it's a lie.
No, the truth's the truth,
no matter what idiot says it.
So come on, Carolina.
I'm dying to see what a
washed-up failure like you
can do to me.
Grace!
Why you laughing, huh?
Huh? Is that all you got?
What, you can't finish the job?
I know what you're trying to do.
You want to be punished for your guilt,
and I won't be part of it.
Come on, Carolina.
Look how quickly we've
torn ourselves apart.
Grace. What'd you do to her?
Nothing we haven't done to ourselves.
I'm so sorry we had
that little kerfuffle.
I'm sorry too. It was
completely my fault.
You know, you're right.
Solving problems together,
that's when we're at our best.
I'm so glad you said that because...
I have a little project
that the two of us can share.
Sweetheart, that is
the most romantic thing
anyone has ever done for me.
I'm sorry about Karma.
I know there's nothing I can
do to bring her back to you.
But all that pain was
put on you by Heart.
Your sister is one of
thousands of victims.
The truth is...
I don't know how I can do
this without you anymore.
So no more bullshit.
Nothing tying us down.
You and me working together
actually stand a chance to fight Heart
for Karma and all the rest of 'em.
Grace, we're so close.
I need you.
Grace, talk to me.
Can you hear me?
Grace?
Grace?