Blood Drive (2017): Season 1, Episode 5 - The Fucking Dead - full transcript
- Previously on...
- Blood Drive!
The fuck did you do to my car?
Who the hell are you?
Allow me to introduce myself.
Julian Slink, professional killer.
He knows where my sister is.
The question is, are you
gonna help me get it out of him?
I'm in the belly of the beast, man.
You were right. You fucking called it.
They got their hands in everything.
Politics, pharmaceuticals,
medical supplies.
Remember Officer Aki?
Heart can heal that eye of yours.
Think she's kind of into me.
Catch that Heart logo
back in Steel City?
Heart's behind Trioxin.
If they have the technology,
how the hell can anyone stop them?
We're ready for you now.
Oh.
_
Heart Entertainment Presents
"The Slinks,"
filmed in front of
a live studio audience.
I'm home.
Ooh, what a day.
Julian, you have a minute?
For you, sweetie, I've got ten.
Well, it's about Melvin.
He's been hiding something
under his bed.
Condoms.
What's our boy doing with condoms?
Well, he's probably
not making balloon animals.
I don't know.
This is serious.
You're right.
Melvin!
Get your keister in here.
What'd I do now?
More like who'd you do.
You guys are going through my stuff?
You should be happy.
Some of my friends don't even use those.
Ah, to be young.
Who's that?
You know, don't you worry, sweetie,
if he catches something,
we'll take him to the doctor,
give him a shot in the rump,
he'll be right as rain.
Oh, my God!
What's happening?
[dramatic musical stin
Help us, please!
Ah, I love these little family chats.
Oh, my God...
Oh, my God, Julian!
No! No! No!
And now,
a word from our sponsor.
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
Where is she, you sadistic freak?
Karma.
When I dropped her off at Kane Hill,
that place was halfway normal.
And now I find that
it's a sugar-fiend shit show.
Someone checked her out.
Who was it?
Kane Hill?
Kane Hill... sounds familiar.
You were the goddamn
hospital administrator.
Ooh.
How's that even possible?
Oh, I wear many hats.
I see.
This isn't working.
It's just turning him on.
Oh, the good cop, my hero.
He knows the truth, Barbie.
And I'm gonna beat it out of him.
Okay, well, why don't you let
me ask him some questions
while he still has some teeth?
Okay.
What does Heart want
with medical facilities
and what does that have to do
with patients like Karma?
Tell me how they're connected.
♪ The neck bone's connected to the ♪
♪ Shoulder bone ♪
♪ The shoulder bone's connected to the ♪
♪ Rib bone ♪
♪ The neck bone's connected to the ♪
You really think he's here, sis?
Take a look.
This place has Slink written...
All over it.
Why would he come back?
Doesn't look like
he's honoring the dead.
Well, whatever the reason,
thank God he came back to Meadeville.
We never would have found him.
We don't even know what he looks like.
Slink! Slink! Slink! Slink!
Well, we're about to find out.
Slink! Slink! Slink! Slink!
Slink! Slink! Slink! Slink!
Come on, Jackie Boy.
Let's rock and roll.
Slink! Slink! Slink! Slink!
How's our newest asset?
Stay away from me.
Come out, Christopher.
You must be cold in that gown.
I brought new, clean clothes
just for you.
No more tests.
We're done with all that.
No more needles.
No experiments of any kind.
I promise.
That's it.
Your eye is ready.
I only want to take off your bandage.
So, please, try to relax.
Your partner may have abandoned you,
but we at Heart Enterprises
take care of our own.
Your cooperation hasn't gone unnoticed.
You're good as new.
Here.
See for yourself.
Say hello to Christopher 2.0.
Tell you what, let me do my job,
and I'll pretend this little
interrogation never happened.
Not until you tell us the truth...
about Karma, about Heart,
about all the messed-up things
you people have ever done.
The world's gone to hell,
Officer Krupke.
We're the norm now. You're the anomaly.
Why don't you just accept it?
Because that's not true.
Not everyone's as bad as you.
Show me one unsullied thing
on this septic tank of a planet.
Ah.
And I'm not the only one.
Christopher,
wherever you're keeping him,
he's a good cop too.
Oh, Gracie, piggy here
thinks he's a poster boy.
Well, that Action Man
costume's not fooling me
for one second, Arthur dear.
I think we both know who you really are.
They're getting rowdy out there.
It won't be long before they
come in here and trash the place.
Slink! Slink! Slink! Slink!
Do you hear that, Arthur?
Do you hear that, huh?
That's one big animal horde
that craves carnage.
One giant, rotting circus.
And I'm P.T. Barnum.
Where you going?
To tame the lions.
Slink! Slink! Slink! Slink!
Good evening, Mayhemers!
Let's hear it for your
Master of Ceremonies.
Uh...
Who's ready for a good time?
You suck!
You suck!
Okay... ah.
That hurts.
That hurt... excuse me, that hurts.
Uh, is it getting hot in here,
or is it, uh, just me?
Slink.
I don't know, Diane.
He doesn't look like a mass murderer.
Yeah, well, he's a trickster by trade.
Don't let him fool you.
That's Slink.
Okay.
Uh, tough crowd, tough...
tough crowd.
Okay, jeez... uh... Okay...
Uh... a guy sits down on a bus,
and he's very frustrated...
When is it okay to kill?
"When it's for love."
All right.
Let's do it.
- For mother...
- And father.
Wait.
We'll never get to him
through this crowd.
We're gonna have to
thin the herd.
The plan was to kill Slink,
not a whole party.
Well, they might try and stop us.
So why don't we give them the kiss
and let the virus do its job?
And then we take him out
when there is nobody left...
To stop us.
Good.
Now, remember,
lay it on thick.
Welcome to Meadeville.
What the hell'd you do to me?
Think of it as a metaphor
for Heart Enterprises
becoming a part of you.
That isn't how a metaphor works.
In the outside world,
you may have considered yourself
an individual, but here at Heart,
you'll be a small component
of something far greater.
Not interested.
I'm going home.
Okay.
- Really?
- Of course.
You're free to go.
But not before you settle up.
That eye cost $20 million.
Ah... oh, okay.
This looks like somebody had
a little too much sugar today.
Pour us a glass of wine.
We'll make a night of it.
What are you?
I told you,
I exist for one reason
and one reason alone.
I am the Master of Mayhem,
Captain of Chaos,
God of the Stage.
What do you say we wrap this up, hmm?
Or if you prefer, we can both watch your
Barbie doll diiiiie.
Two muffins are sitting in an oven.
One muffin says to the other muffin,
"It's... it's getting hot in here."
And that muffin
turns to the other muffin,
says, "Oh, my...
oh, my God, a talking muffin."
Kill the cop! Kill the cop!
The only thing we're killing tonight
is jokes, am I right?
Kill the cop! Kill the cop!
Oh...
Kill the cop! Kill the cop!
Crowd's all you care about.
What's a shepherd without his flock?
Kill the cop! Kill the cop!
Arthur.
How many cops does it...
Arthur!
Just quit messing around
and give 'em what they want.
Okay. How many cops does it take
to fix a water...
Uhh!
Oh, you like that?
You want to fight the cop?
Come and try.
_
_
I know this was my idea, but seeing
them all like this reminds me of...
Mother and Father.
They used to smash
all our Elvis Presley records.
How could this have happened to them?
It wasn't their fault. Father caught it.
Do you remember the day
he brought it back from work?
He was driving so fast
he crashed the Buick...
Into the apple tree.
Couldn't wait to ravage Mother.
I can still hear them
in my head, doing the deed.
All the... grunting
and the moaning.
And if they could give into
their deepest, darkest desires,
then it can happen to anyone.
Will I ever find the one?
"It is certain."
How will I know it's her?
"She'll be your sister."
You know what?
You keep those memories in your mind.
'Cause when it's all over
and Slink is dead,
you'll know it wasn't all for nothing.
You're right, I...
I don't know what I'd do without you.
You really are
all I have.
You want a show?
Here he comes, Jackie Boy.
We're just a kiss away.
Let's go!
Come on!
Yeah...
Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Okay, here's a little peek
behind the curtain.
Someone at Heart is obsessed with you.
Yeah, I don't care about Heart.
That's Arthur's bag.
I just want my sister back.
Oh, but you should,
you should care very much.
You see, someone at the top
is pulling the strings.
He has designs for you...
And your little Karma.
Ah... ah, play nice,
and I'll tell you
everything you need to know.
The fastest way to pay off
your debt is with a job.
But in the mailroom?
So how long's this gonna take?
961 years, 6 months, 14 days, 23 hours.
What?
Have these sorted and
delivered within the hour.
Just tap out, Susan.
Just tap out.
Yah!
Yeah! Who's the fucking... cop?
Where'd everybody go?
I'm putting on a show here!
Hey, where you going, ladies?
Hey, where...
Oh, you wanna play, Daddy?
Okay, now!
Oh, maybe we should, uh,
go to dinner first?
What does Heart want with Karma and me?
Do you smell that?
Don't change the subject.
Look outside.
I'm not joking.
What do you see?
Besides the Smurf orgy, quickly.
Who do you see that doesn't fit in?
Well, I see a man and a woman
that look like
grown-up versions of the Bobbsey Twins.
Listen to me very carefully,
very, very carefully.
Grace, they will destroy everything.
Those two may appear harmless,
but they're not.
They've unleashed something
very serious,
and we need to put an end to it.
"We"?
We... Slink, there is no "we."
So quit playing games.
Where is Karma?
I'll tell you how to find her.
But if you want my help, you and Arthur
have got to stop those twins!
_
Jack and Diane out there,
they're the sole survivors
of a little local experiment of ours.
Why am I not surprised?
So, what, this is some sort of
sex plague?
What better place
to test a passion potion
than the uptight little
hamlet of Meadeville?
Meadeville, Steel City, L.A.
How many towns did you assholes destroy?
How many are on the map?
Look, when that infection
has reached its final stage
and they're done shooting their bluege,
that purple porno out there
is gonna turn violent.
They're gonna start
tearing each other apart,
along with everyone
they come in contact with.
Good. I don't need them.
Oh, but you do need me
if you want help finding Karma.
And if they destroy the Blood Drive,
that's never gonna happen.
So if Heart created this... disease,
they must have made
a cure for it too, right?
I ordered our head scientist
to test an antidote,
just in case, but when we lost control
of the town, Dr. Vermaak...
Had to abandon his work.
All of his research is stored next door.
The bottling plant.
Somebody needs to get into the lab,
find the formula, so that we can
turn all the Mayhemers back to normal.
If... Arthur and I do this,
you tell me where she is.
Scout's honor.
Mr. Slink.
We've waited a long time to meet you,
and we're gonna enjoy
watching you suffer.
But, uh...
I'm... not... Slink.
Oh. No, no, no.
Slimeball can't even
put a sentence together.
Let's get him out of here.
His name is Arthur Bailey.
And he's a ContraCrime cop.
Don't believe me? Check his name tag.
She's telling the truth.
- This isn't our guy.
- Let's go.
Mm-mm-mm.
Mm-mm-mm-mmm!
Oh, hell no.
Oh, come on, just one good one, baby.
Oh, Arthur, stop.
I need to talk to you, okay?
Tell me, tell me, yeah.
My bad, I'm... I don't
know what got into me.
Okay, look, Dr. Vermaak,
there's a bottling plant...
- Arthur, Arthur...
- Come on.
Ooh!
Better?
- Yes, thank you.
- Great.
- No, I'm better.
- Yeah, we cool?
- I'm listening.
- Let's go.
Listen, you piece of shit,
this script is way too vanilla.
It made me gag.
Ramp up the violence.
Where is the nudity?
I want tits murdering dicks!
Yeah, hey, guys, okay, okay.
Get ready to shit.
Blood Drive's getting picked up. Uh-huh.
Right? I know.
Yeah, live to the world, baby.
I'm looking at the paperwork right now.
Yeah, well, that's because
you are the Shakespeare of our time.
Shakespeare.
The dead guy in England. Never mind.
- Yeah.
- Blood Enterprises.
Can I help you?
Smax!
What the...
Did you really think our car
was the only one with a camera?
What the f...
The world's gone to hell,
Officer Krupke.
We are the norm now. You're the anomaly.
- Why don't you just accept it?
- Because that's not true.
Not everyone's as bad as you.
Show me one unsullied thing
on this septic tank of a planet.
Ah.
And I'm not the only one.
Christopher,
wherever you're keeping him,
- he's a good cop too.
- Oh!
I knew you wouldn't abandon me, buddy.
Stay strong.
You got your boy on the inside.
Yeah, no, look, it's all here.
We got... we got... we got
future episode outlines.
We got air dates.
Everything's here.
Yes, I will take it down
to the Hall of Secrets.
Yeah, okay.
Uh-huh.
So Karma is connected
to Heart... I knew it.
Okay, look, we've gotta
divide and conquer.
You have to go to the plant
and find the lab
where this guy, Dr. Vermaak,
was building the antidote.
Okay, I'm just supposed to
pick up where he left off?
I'm not a scientist.
How am I supposed to do that?
All of his research
is still in those films.
Okay? Slink says you just
have to find the right reel,
and it'll give us the instructions
on how to make the cure.
Okay, say I find it, then what?
Then I drag these bastards to the plant
where you're waiting
with the cure for me,
and we inoculate them together...
Oh, my God, you're not
even listening to me.
Ooh!
Oh, God.
- You with me?
- Yeah.
I think. Yeah, I got it.
All right.
- Oh, and Barbie?
- Yeah?
Slink's gonna stall the twins,
but not for long.
Hmm.
Hiya, Slink.
Doris Day.
Where's Buddy Holly?
So, it is you.
You killed everyone we ever loved.
Well, it doesn't sound like me.
Perhaps you've mistaken me
for my brother Gary.
Ah.
Just to be clear, I'm an EVP now.
Save the kisses, Sandra Dee.
I'm immune, just like you.
Oh, I know that.
I was just kissing you good-bye.
Hello, Jack.
Slink.
Too easy.
Carpenter, Christopher,
mailroom clerk. Access denied.
Clearance level three
required for entry.
Acceptable positions include:
CEO, vice president, security guard,
fluffer, primo, head of marketing,
power bottom.
Security guard.
Ay, Chihuahua.
Oh, mama.
Ah, focus.
Focus.
Okay.
All right, you little bitch.
Sorry, fellas.
Okay.
What the hell?
_
"Dionysus Strain."
"Entire town infected.
"Subjects turning violent.
"Aborting experiment.
"For latest cure inquest,
refer to test reel 245."
Test reel 245.
Is this reel...
Bingo.
Slink.
Diane.
Tonight you pay for your treachery.
For poisoning our father.
Our family.
Our town.
Ah, yes,
the poor little people of Meadeville.
You laced our father's lunch meat
with that venereal scourge.
Boo-hoo, Peggy Sue.
What are you going to do about it, hmm?
Ooh, right where it all began.
So what? Your little town was boring.
You ask me, I gave you a clean slate.
You kind of owe me, actually.
We didn't ask for this.
All we ever wanted to be was normal.
Get a summer job.
Maybe meet that special someone.
But because of you,
any hope of that is gone.
We're all alone.
Forever.
Ooh.
Dinner and a movie.
You know, if I'd known we were
gonna bottle-shred and chill,
I'd have brought chocolates.
No chocolates.
Just retribution.
You know, the drug just turns you on.
You have to actually want to...
screw in the first place.
News flash:
you two, you ain't so squeaky.
And if your friends and your teachers
and good ol' Mom and Dad
hadn't been so repressed,
you might just be
sitting at home right now,
enjoying your supper from a TV tray.
Start it up, sis.
_
Yo!
Free beer at the plant next door.
Yeah!
Hey, sluts and hard-ons!
Who wants fresh meat?
Okay, this is the part where I run.
Good first day?
The best.
I learned a lot.
I knew you'd fit right in.
Yeah, about that...
I like this job and all,
but I think I'd be better at security.
Your skills do match nicely
with our internal defense systems.
Exactly.
Glad you see it my way.
Security is a big
responsibility, Christopher.
But it also comes with coveted perks.
What kind of perks?
Advanced clearance
and a unique set of elective upgrades
and body modifications.
However, your hearing
with the promotions board
isn't scheduled until quarter three
of the year 2186.
I want this job.
Anything I could do
to speed up the process?
Dick quo pro.
This is Dr. Abel Vermaak,
here in the repression fuckatorium
where it all began,
commencing test reel number 245.
I've injected the specimens
with the aforementioned Dionysus Strain.
Each is a carrier.
Born to the same litter,
they possess a similar genetic makeup.
They're siblings.
Enough appetizers.
Time for the main course.
Where are you, Copper?
Now, as we've seen,
close proximity between the infected
yields lethal results.
But in this case,
something...
quite curious happens
when brother and sister are compelled...
To copulate.
You gotta be shitting me.
Once they copulate,
they will secrete
a bright orange discharge
which can be used as the antidote
and a lubricant.
Oh, my God.
Arthur!
Arthur!
No, no, no, no!
Not this way, not this way!
- You got it?
- The twins.
If they have sex with each other,
it'll create an antidote.
Of course it does.
Uhh!
Grace, you gotta get them to fuck!
How the hell am I supposed to do that?
I don't know.
You gotta go find them.
I'll hold the door.
Hurry!
Oh, God.
Wait!
You don't need to kill him.
Just do it, Jack.
We've waited long enough.
No, just listen!
I know this murdering bastard
deserves to die, trust me.
Grace, you're really not helping.
But he's the only key
I have to finding my sister.
Besides, killing him is not
gonna fix your real problem.
What are you talking about?
Oh, God. Oh, God, they're coming!
Ooh... ah!
They're coming!
They're coming...
Get in there.
Look, uh,
I used to resist all
my urges too, but...
not anymore.
It's dangerous, you know,
'cause these... these urges,
they keep growing inside you.
Ah...
Swelling...
until you can't control them anymore.
You don't know us at all.
But I do.
I know that you think
you're destined to be alone,
but don't you see
that special person is standing
right beside you.
Ahh...
And there's no... no one judging here.
I see how you look at each other.
All you have to do is just get
close and then...
Touched for the very first time.
Grace, get ready!
Hold, hold, hold...
Spray them!
Do it now! Disseminate the cure.
A deal's a deal, Slink.
Start talking.
You... you got a little...
something.
You and I both know what that thing was.
A giant version
of the Blood Drive engine.
Again with the diary.
I found this back there in that lab.
"Soul Reclamator prototype
not yet functional."
What the hell's a Soul Reclamator?
Sooner or later,
the good cop is gonna have to admit
that deep down inside,
he's a bad guy.
I rest my case.
And what a speech you gave!
So nice to meet the real Grace.
Soft, vulnerable,
all of her armor stripped away.
You know, that'll get you killed.
Do I look soft to you?
Fine.
Today the Blood Drive takes a detour.
Karma was transferred from Kane Hill
to the Claireview
Rehabilitation Center for Women.
I've rerouted the next leg
to take you right past it.
Now...
if you want to take that time
to find your little sister, fine by me.
But if you're the last one
across that finish line...
rules still apply.
You do exactly what they ask,
and they still have more goddamn notes.
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
- Blood Drive!
The fuck did you do to my car?
Who the hell are you?
Allow me to introduce myself.
Julian Slink, professional killer.
He knows where my sister is.
The question is, are you
gonna help me get it out of him?
I'm in the belly of the beast, man.
You were right. You fucking called it.
They got their hands in everything.
Politics, pharmaceuticals,
medical supplies.
Remember Officer Aki?
Heart can heal that eye of yours.
Think she's kind of into me.
Catch that Heart logo
back in Steel City?
Heart's behind Trioxin.
If they have the technology,
how the hell can anyone stop them?
We're ready for you now.
Oh.
_
Heart Entertainment Presents
"The Slinks,"
filmed in front of
a live studio audience.
I'm home.
Ooh, what a day.
Julian, you have a minute?
For you, sweetie, I've got ten.
Well, it's about Melvin.
He's been hiding something
under his bed.
Condoms.
What's our boy doing with condoms?
Well, he's probably
not making balloon animals.
I don't know.
This is serious.
You're right.
Melvin!
Get your keister in here.
What'd I do now?
More like who'd you do.
You guys are going through my stuff?
You should be happy.
Some of my friends don't even use those.
Ah, to be young.
Who's that?
You know, don't you worry, sweetie,
if he catches something,
we'll take him to the doctor,
give him a shot in the rump,
he'll be right as rain.
Oh, my God!
What's happening?
[dramatic musical stin
Help us, please!
Ah, I love these little family chats.
Oh, my God...
Oh, my God, Julian!
No! No! No!
And now,
a word from our sponsor.
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
Where is she, you sadistic freak?
Karma.
When I dropped her off at Kane Hill,
that place was halfway normal.
And now I find that
it's a sugar-fiend shit show.
Someone checked her out.
Who was it?
Kane Hill?
Kane Hill... sounds familiar.
You were the goddamn
hospital administrator.
Ooh.
How's that even possible?
Oh, I wear many hats.
I see.
This isn't working.
It's just turning him on.
Oh, the good cop, my hero.
He knows the truth, Barbie.
And I'm gonna beat it out of him.
Okay, well, why don't you let
me ask him some questions
while he still has some teeth?
Okay.
What does Heart want
with medical facilities
and what does that have to do
with patients like Karma?
Tell me how they're connected.
♪ The neck bone's connected to the ♪
♪ Shoulder bone ♪
♪ The shoulder bone's connected to the ♪
♪ Rib bone ♪
♪ The neck bone's connected to the ♪
You really think he's here, sis?
Take a look.
This place has Slink written...
All over it.
Why would he come back?
Doesn't look like
he's honoring the dead.
Well, whatever the reason,
thank God he came back to Meadeville.
We never would have found him.
We don't even know what he looks like.
Slink! Slink! Slink! Slink!
Well, we're about to find out.
Slink! Slink! Slink! Slink!
Slink! Slink! Slink! Slink!
Come on, Jackie Boy.
Let's rock and roll.
Slink! Slink! Slink! Slink!
How's our newest asset?
Stay away from me.
Come out, Christopher.
You must be cold in that gown.
I brought new, clean clothes
just for you.
No more tests.
We're done with all that.
No more needles.
No experiments of any kind.
I promise.
That's it.
Your eye is ready.
I only want to take off your bandage.
So, please, try to relax.
Your partner may have abandoned you,
but we at Heart Enterprises
take care of our own.
Your cooperation hasn't gone unnoticed.
You're good as new.
Here.
See for yourself.
Say hello to Christopher 2.0.
Tell you what, let me do my job,
and I'll pretend this little
interrogation never happened.
Not until you tell us the truth...
about Karma, about Heart,
about all the messed-up things
you people have ever done.
The world's gone to hell,
Officer Krupke.
We're the norm now. You're the anomaly.
Why don't you just accept it?
Because that's not true.
Not everyone's as bad as you.
Show me one unsullied thing
on this septic tank of a planet.
Ah.
And I'm not the only one.
Christopher,
wherever you're keeping him,
he's a good cop too.
Oh, Gracie, piggy here
thinks he's a poster boy.
Well, that Action Man
costume's not fooling me
for one second, Arthur dear.
I think we both know who you really are.
They're getting rowdy out there.
It won't be long before they
come in here and trash the place.
Slink! Slink! Slink! Slink!
Do you hear that, Arthur?
Do you hear that, huh?
That's one big animal horde
that craves carnage.
One giant, rotting circus.
And I'm P.T. Barnum.
Where you going?
To tame the lions.
Slink! Slink! Slink! Slink!
Good evening, Mayhemers!
Let's hear it for your
Master of Ceremonies.
Uh...
Who's ready for a good time?
You suck!
You suck!
Okay... ah.
That hurts.
That hurt... excuse me, that hurts.
Uh, is it getting hot in here,
or is it, uh, just me?
Slink.
I don't know, Diane.
He doesn't look like a mass murderer.
Yeah, well, he's a trickster by trade.
Don't let him fool you.
That's Slink.
Okay.
Uh, tough crowd, tough...
tough crowd.
Okay, jeez... uh... Okay...
Uh... a guy sits down on a bus,
and he's very frustrated...
When is it okay to kill?
"When it's for love."
All right.
Let's do it.
- For mother...
- And father.
Wait.
We'll never get to him
through this crowd.
We're gonna have to
thin the herd.
The plan was to kill Slink,
not a whole party.
Well, they might try and stop us.
So why don't we give them the kiss
and let the virus do its job?
And then we take him out
when there is nobody left...
To stop us.
Good.
Now, remember,
lay it on thick.
Welcome to Meadeville.
What the hell'd you do to me?
Think of it as a metaphor
for Heart Enterprises
becoming a part of you.
That isn't how a metaphor works.
In the outside world,
you may have considered yourself
an individual, but here at Heart,
you'll be a small component
of something far greater.
Not interested.
I'm going home.
Okay.
- Really?
- Of course.
You're free to go.
But not before you settle up.
That eye cost $20 million.
Ah... oh, okay.
This looks like somebody had
a little too much sugar today.
Pour us a glass of wine.
We'll make a night of it.
What are you?
I told you,
I exist for one reason
and one reason alone.
I am the Master of Mayhem,
Captain of Chaos,
God of the Stage.
What do you say we wrap this up, hmm?
Or if you prefer, we can both watch your
Barbie doll diiiiie.
Two muffins are sitting in an oven.
One muffin says to the other muffin,
"It's... it's getting hot in here."
And that muffin
turns to the other muffin,
says, "Oh, my...
oh, my God, a talking muffin."
Kill the cop! Kill the cop!
The only thing we're killing tonight
is jokes, am I right?
Kill the cop! Kill the cop!
Oh...
Kill the cop! Kill the cop!
Crowd's all you care about.
What's a shepherd without his flock?
Kill the cop! Kill the cop!
Arthur.
How many cops does it...
Arthur!
Just quit messing around
and give 'em what they want.
Okay. How many cops does it take
to fix a water...
Uhh!
Oh, you like that?
You want to fight the cop?
Come and try.
_
_
I know this was my idea, but seeing
them all like this reminds me of...
Mother and Father.
They used to smash
all our Elvis Presley records.
How could this have happened to them?
It wasn't their fault. Father caught it.
Do you remember the day
he brought it back from work?
He was driving so fast
he crashed the Buick...
Into the apple tree.
Couldn't wait to ravage Mother.
I can still hear them
in my head, doing the deed.
All the... grunting
and the moaning.
And if they could give into
their deepest, darkest desires,
then it can happen to anyone.
Will I ever find the one?
"It is certain."
How will I know it's her?
"She'll be your sister."
You know what?
You keep those memories in your mind.
'Cause when it's all over
and Slink is dead,
you'll know it wasn't all for nothing.
You're right, I...
I don't know what I'd do without you.
You really are
all I have.
You want a show?
Here he comes, Jackie Boy.
We're just a kiss away.
Let's go!
Come on!
Yeah...
Yeah!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Okay, here's a little peek
behind the curtain.
Someone at Heart is obsessed with you.
Yeah, I don't care about Heart.
That's Arthur's bag.
I just want my sister back.
Oh, but you should,
you should care very much.
You see, someone at the top
is pulling the strings.
He has designs for you...
And your little Karma.
Ah... ah, play nice,
and I'll tell you
everything you need to know.
The fastest way to pay off
your debt is with a job.
But in the mailroom?
So how long's this gonna take?
961 years, 6 months, 14 days, 23 hours.
What?
Have these sorted and
delivered within the hour.
Just tap out, Susan.
Just tap out.
Yah!
Yeah! Who's the fucking... cop?
Where'd everybody go?
I'm putting on a show here!
Hey, where you going, ladies?
Hey, where...
Oh, you wanna play, Daddy?
Okay, now!
Oh, maybe we should, uh,
go to dinner first?
What does Heart want with Karma and me?
Do you smell that?
Don't change the subject.
Look outside.
I'm not joking.
What do you see?
Besides the Smurf orgy, quickly.
Who do you see that doesn't fit in?
Well, I see a man and a woman
that look like
grown-up versions of the Bobbsey Twins.
Listen to me very carefully,
very, very carefully.
Grace, they will destroy everything.
Those two may appear harmless,
but they're not.
They've unleashed something
very serious,
and we need to put an end to it.
"We"?
We... Slink, there is no "we."
So quit playing games.
Where is Karma?
I'll tell you how to find her.
But if you want my help, you and Arthur
have got to stop those twins!
_
Jack and Diane out there,
they're the sole survivors
of a little local experiment of ours.
Why am I not surprised?
So, what, this is some sort of
sex plague?
What better place
to test a passion potion
than the uptight little
hamlet of Meadeville?
Meadeville, Steel City, L.A.
How many towns did you assholes destroy?
How many are on the map?
Look, when that infection
has reached its final stage
and they're done shooting their bluege,
that purple porno out there
is gonna turn violent.
They're gonna start
tearing each other apart,
along with everyone
they come in contact with.
Good. I don't need them.
Oh, but you do need me
if you want help finding Karma.
And if they destroy the Blood Drive,
that's never gonna happen.
So if Heart created this... disease,
they must have made
a cure for it too, right?
I ordered our head scientist
to test an antidote,
just in case, but when we lost control
of the town, Dr. Vermaak...
Had to abandon his work.
All of his research is stored next door.
The bottling plant.
Somebody needs to get into the lab,
find the formula, so that we can
turn all the Mayhemers back to normal.
If... Arthur and I do this,
you tell me where she is.
Scout's honor.
Mr. Slink.
We've waited a long time to meet you,
and we're gonna enjoy
watching you suffer.
But, uh...
I'm... not... Slink.
Oh. No, no, no.
Slimeball can't even
put a sentence together.
Let's get him out of here.
His name is Arthur Bailey.
And he's a ContraCrime cop.
Don't believe me? Check his name tag.
She's telling the truth.
- This isn't our guy.
- Let's go.
Mm-mm-mm.
Mm-mm-mm-mmm!
Oh, hell no.
Oh, come on, just one good one, baby.
Oh, Arthur, stop.
I need to talk to you, okay?
Tell me, tell me, yeah.
My bad, I'm... I don't
know what got into me.
Okay, look, Dr. Vermaak,
there's a bottling plant...
- Arthur, Arthur...
- Come on.
Ooh!
Better?
- Yes, thank you.
- Great.
- No, I'm better.
- Yeah, we cool?
- I'm listening.
- Let's go.
Listen, you piece of shit,
this script is way too vanilla.
It made me gag.
Ramp up the violence.
Where is the nudity?
I want tits murdering dicks!
Yeah, hey, guys, okay, okay.
Get ready to shit.
Blood Drive's getting picked up. Uh-huh.
Right? I know.
Yeah, live to the world, baby.
I'm looking at the paperwork right now.
Yeah, well, that's because
you are the Shakespeare of our time.
Shakespeare.
The dead guy in England. Never mind.
- Yeah.
- Blood Enterprises.
Can I help you?
Smax!
What the...
Did you really think our car
was the only one with a camera?
What the f...
The world's gone to hell,
Officer Krupke.
We are the norm now. You're the anomaly.
- Why don't you just accept it?
- Because that's not true.
Not everyone's as bad as you.
Show me one unsullied thing
on this septic tank of a planet.
Ah.
And I'm not the only one.
Christopher,
wherever you're keeping him,
- he's a good cop too.
- Oh!
I knew you wouldn't abandon me, buddy.
Stay strong.
You got your boy on the inside.
Yeah, no, look, it's all here.
We got... we got... we got
future episode outlines.
We got air dates.
Everything's here.
Yes, I will take it down
to the Hall of Secrets.
Yeah, okay.
Uh-huh.
So Karma is connected
to Heart... I knew it.
Okay, look, we've gotta
divide and conquer.
You have to go to the plant
and find the lab
where this guy, Dr. Vermaak,
was building the antidote.
Okay, I'm just supposed to
pick up where he left off?
I'm not a scientist.
How am I supposed to do that?
All of his research
is still in those films.
Okay? Slink says you just
have to find the right reel,
and it'll give us the instructions
on how to make the cure.
Okay, say I find it, then what?
Then I drag these bastards to the plant
where you're waiting
with the cure for me,
and we inoculate them together...
Oh, my God, you're not
even listening to me.
Ooh!
Oh, God.
- You with me?
- Yeah.
I think. Yeah, I got it.
All right.
- Oh, and Barbie?
- Yeah?
Slink's gonna stall the twins,
but not for long.
Hmm.
Hiya, Slink.
Doris Day.
Where's Buddy Holly?
So, it is you.
You killed everyone we ever loved.
Well, it doesn't sound like me.
Perhaps you've mistaken me
for my brother Gary.
Ah.
Just to be clear, I'm an EVP now.
Save the kisses, Sandra Dee.
I'm immune, just like you.
Oh, I know that.
I was just kissing you good-bye.
Hello, Jack.
Slink.
Too easy.
Carpenter, Christopher,
mailroom clerk. Access denied.
Clearance level three
required for entry.
Acceptable positions include:
CEO, vice president, security guard,
fluffer, primo, head of marketing,
power bottom.
Security guard.
Ay, Chihuahua.
Oh, mama.
Ah, focus.
Focus.
Okay.
All right, you little bitch.
Sorry, fellas.
Okay.
What the hell?
_
"Dionysus Strain."
"Entire town infected.
"Subjects turning violent.
"Aborting experiment.
"For latest cure inquest,
refer to test reel 245."
Test reel 245.
Is this reel...
Bingo.
Slink.
Diane.
Tonight you pay for your treachery.
For poisoning our father.
Our family.
Our town.
Ah, yes,
the poor little people of Meadeville.
You laced our father's lunch meat
with that venereal scourge.
Boo-hoo, Peggy Sue.
What are you going to do about it, hmm?
Ooh, right where it all began.
So what? Your little town was boring.
You ask me, I gave you a clean slate.
You kind of owe me, actually.
We didn't ask for this.
All we ever wanted to be was normal.
Get a summer job.
Maybe meet that special someone.
But because of you,
any hope of that is gone.
We're all alone.
Forever.
Ooh.
Dinner and a movie.
You know, if I'd known we were
gonna bottle-shred and chill,
I'd have brought chocolates.
No chocolates.
Just retribution.
You know, the drug just turns you on.
You have to actually want to...
screw in the first place.
News flash:
you two, you ain't so squeaky.
And if your friends and your teachers
and good ol' Mom and Dad
hadn't been so repressed,
you might just be
sitting at home right now,
enjoying your supper from a TV tray.
Start it up, sis.
_
Yo!
Free beer at the plant next door.
Yeah!
Hey, sluts and hard-ons!
Who wants fresh meat?
Okay, this is the part where I run.
Good first day?
The best.
I learned a lot.
I knew you'd fit right in.
Yeah, about that...
I like this job and all,
but I think I'd be better at security.
Your skills do match nicely
with our internal defense systems.
Exactly.
Glad you see it my way.
Security is a big
responsibility, Christopher.
But it also comes with coveted perks.
What kind of perks?
Advanced clearance
and a unique set of elective upgrades
and body modifications.
However, your hearing
with the promotions board
isn't scheduled until quarter three
of the year 2186.
I want this job.
Anything I could do
to speed up the process?
Dick quo pro.
This is Dr. Abel Vermaak,
here in the repression fuckatorium
where it all began,
commencing test reel number 245.
I've injected the specimens
with the aforementioned Dionysus Strain.
Each is a carrier.
Born to the same litter,
they possess a similar genetic makeup.
They're siblings.
Enough appetizers.
Time for the main course.
Where are you, Copper?
Now, as we've seen,
close proximity between the infected
yields lethal results.
But in this case,
something...
quite curious happens
when brother and sister are compelled...
To copulate.
You gotta be shitting me.
Once they copulate,
they will secrete
a bright orange discharge
which can be used as the antidote
and a lubricant.
Oh, my God.
Arthur!
Arthur!
No, no, no, no!
Not this way, not this way!
- You got it?
- The twins.
If they have sex with each other,
it'll create an antidote.
Of course it does.
Uhh!
Grace, you gotta get them to fuck!
How the hell am I supposed to do that?
I don't know.
You gotta go find them.
I'll hold the door.
Hurry!
Oh, God.
Wait!
You don't need to kill him.
Just do it, Jack.
We've waited long enough.
No, just listen!
I know this murdering bastard
deserves to die, trust me.
Grace, you're really not helping.
But he's the only key
I have to finding my sister.
Besides, killing him is not
gonna fix your real problem.
What are you talking about?
Oh, God. Oh, God, they're coming!
Ooh... ah!
They're coming!
They're coming...
Get in there.
Look, uh,
I used to resist all
my urges too, but...
not anymore.
It's dangerous, you know,
'cause these... these urges,
they keep growing inside you.
Ah...
Swelling...
until you can't control them anymore.
You don't know us at all.
But I do.
I know that you think
you're destined to be alone,
but don't you see
that special person is standing
right beside you.
Ahh...
And there's no... no one judging here.
I see how you look at each other.
All you have to do is just get
close and then...
Touched for the very first time.
Grace, get ready!
Hold, hold, hold...
Spray them!
Do it now! Disseminate the cure.
A deal's a deal, Slink.
Start talking.
You... you got a little...
something.
You and I both know what that thing was.
A giant version
of the Blood Drive engine.
Again with the diary.
I found this back there in that lab.
"Soul Reclamator prototype
not yet functional."
What the hell's a Soul Reclamator?
Sooner or later,
the good cop is gonna have to admit
that deep down inside,
he's a bad guy.
I rest my case.
And what a speech you gave!
So nice to meet the real Grace.
Soft, vulnerable,
all of her armor stripped away.
You know, that'll get you killed.
Do I look soft to you?
Fine.
Today the Blood Drive takes a detour.
Karma was transferred from Kane Hill
to the Claireview
Rehabilitation Center for Women.
I've rerouted the next leg
to take you right past it.
Now...
if you want to take that time
to find your little sister, fine by me.
But if you're the last one
across that finish line...
rules still apply.
You do exactly what they ask,
and they still have more goddamn notes.
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com