Blockbuster (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Episode #1.4 - full transcript



You found my secret Yelp profile?

That's the only place
I can be my unfiltered self.

I'm a truth teller.

- This is sincere. We're happy for you.
- I'll be on Yelp.

Oh, never mind. I found it.
It's sadder than it is embarrassing.

Don't read it.

"It pains me to write this,
but I won't be returning to this QDOBA"?

You got nominated for an Itsy Bizzie.
Iron Creek Small Business Awards.

- Congrats!
- Percy's gonna be so jealous.

I hope he tackles you during the ceremony.

This is unexpected.

We are technically a small business now
and I'm doing pretty well,

but not award-winning well.

You sure this isn't
the Itsy Bizzie Razzies?

I got nominated for an Itsy Bizzie.
Me and Raul's tuxedo shop.

We dressed the Grand Rapids High School
mariachi band for the state finals. Yeah.

When it came to awards campaigning,
we refused to play the game.

I got way more to focus on
than a stupid award.

This stupid award
comes with a $5,000 prize.

And the Golden Business spider trophy

which could fetch upwards
of 30 bucks on Craigslist.

Fifty, if you find a spider freak.

The Bizzie goes to a small business owner
who knows what they're doing.

Like my dentist, Dr. Kingsley,
has a waterfall in his lobby.

That's small business ownership.
I'll never win.

But you gotta try. Right?

Can you imagine what you could do
with $5,000, Timmy?

Any ideas come to mind?

- Nope, because everything's fine.
- Really?

You sure
there's no extremely urgent issues

you'd like to evict from your life?

I've got everything under control,

and even if I didn't,
my time would be better spent

getting it under control
rather than chasing a long shot.

Again, none of that matters.
Everything is under control!

That's reassuring.

Speaking of urgent, I found a yogurt cup
under my driver's seat that's weirdly hot.

So peace.

- Let me help you with the yogurt!
- I said I've got it.

How is this thing leaking so much?
No one has anything to worry about!


Man, if I won 5 grand
I would buy a good camera.


You could use that money to help someone,
like my sister.

I'd use it to pay her bail.

She's been in a Guatemalan jail
for a decade.

How have you not come up
with that money in ten years?

Ehh. Not a financial priority.
More of a splurge purchase.

Hannah, what would you do
if you won 5K?

Uh, no, thank you.

You hear horror stories
about people winning the lottery.

A lot of them end up dead
and some even buy houses in Florida.

There's a big difference
between 5,000 and the Powerball.

Not me. I don't wanna see
what's at the end of the road

for someone who suddenly feels
like she can buy brand-name soup.

Next thing you know,
I'm ordering shrimp on my nachos.

Convince Chris to come home. "Look, Chris,

I finally bought us a mattress.

I'm a new Danielle!"

You got any movies about Simon Birch?

Somebody looks hungry.

Not the time or place, Percy.

11:45 by a dumpster,

perfect conditions
for half a meatball sub.

Okay. Look.
I'm sorry about the whole rent situation.

I'm a small business owner too.

If I give all my friends a break,
it'll ruin me!

- I'm very popular.
- I get that you're strict about the rent.

But why'd you handle it
in such a cowardly way?

There's a simple explanation.

I'm a coward.

If you'd given me a heads-up,
I'd have more time.

But I'll get you the money.

I'm up for an Itsy Bizzie.
Maybe the other nominees will die.

IB noms are out?

Short for Itsy Bizzie nomination.

Sounds like I made it up. I didn't.
I could've made it up. I didn't.

I didn't get into the small business
game for acclaim. Good luck.

- Still want that sandwich?
- Never wanted it.

I didn't expect jealousy
to destroy you this fast.

You found out you didn't get nominated,

and you're offering people food
behind a strip mall. Damn.

This is an unrelated apology sub.

And I don't have time
for any award show B.S.

It would've been tough to fit it in

between standing by the trash
and holding an old sandwich.

This is one of many things
on my calendar today,

so I really don't have time to chat.


It's not old.
This sandwich was made an hour ago.

You can go ask Paul
over at Sandwich Hell.

I thought you told me about the eviction
because you wanted help.

No, I told you because I'm terrified.

Look, I'm sorry I pushed you
in front of everyone,

but you gotta win this.

The money could easily cover rent.

I wouldn't nominate you
if I didn't think you could win.

- You nominated me?
- Who else would have?

That came out harsher than I expected.

Well, me. I nominated me.

What? Why didn't you tell us?

It's embarrassing.

I didn't think I'd get picked.

Look at me.
Tomorrow, my mom's forcing me

to tech her Korean church production
of The Vagina Monologues.

That's why you have
an inflatable labia in your car.

I've been turned down by six therapists.

Now I know you nominated me,
I'll disappoint you too.

No one takes me seriously.

You are not going to disappoint me.

Honestly, I think it's impressive
that you took initiative.

Look, you're a great boss
with a great story,

besides there's only five other nominees.

I guarantee
the guy who owns the tropical fish store

got some weird sex scandal
that's waiting to blow up.

You don't own
that many saltwater aquariums

without things getting nasty.

Ready or not, the Chamber of Commerce
is sending a camera crew for an interview.

So you can look like a slob,

or look like an up-and-coming
pillar of the community.

I look like a slob?

You don't look as sexy as Trent,
he's the tropical fish guy.

I know him,
but everything's aboveboard between us.

You need a little sprucing up, Timmy.

A little "fake it till you make it."

Act like one of your favorite bosses
from a movie.

Like Boss Baby or Devil's Advocate?

One of those is a baby and one is Satan.

And look at the heights they reach
despite their circumstances.

Hmm. Fair. Maybe a makeover could help.

A makeover?

Uh, maybe something simple.
She's All That style.

Nerd takes off the glasses
but still remains true to who they are.

He's in khakis and smells like hot yogurt.

This is more of
a Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead,

which I was sure was a true crime doc.
But by the time I realized it wasn't,

I was spellbound by the story
of those morally compromised teens.

So in this analogy,
corporate is the babysitter

and I'm Christina Applegate.

Who lies about who she is to
make her way to the top, but ultimately...

Has a lot of fun
and learned valuable lessons.

- Maybe a haircut.
- I know the perfect place.

I can fit you in between a Havanese
and a real butthole of a Labradoodle.

Rene, you don't even
have your barber's license.

I don't have my bark-ber's license either.
I'm not legally allowed to groom dogs.

- Oh. Do I smell hot yogurt?
- That's me.

So sweet how he covers for you.

Okay, well,
I will have him back to you in an hour.

I'm Floy Beckamfillingin
for Miranda Golder...

- I thought your shift was over.
- Can't say no to a free lunch.

- What are you reading?
- Uh, something for school.

I don't get why you're getting
a degree in accounting.

All you do is talk about making movies.

Accounting is like the film of numbers.

Every spreadsheet tells a story. See?

Advertise your product or brand here
contact today

Ew. Your cheapness is out of control.
You need to learn some self-care.

You're a white woman.
You should be an assassin at it.

I don't know. My life is cushy as is.

Last week I bought detergent
that wasn't on sale.

By accident. Still, it's a sign
of how loose I've gotten with cash.

Okay, if you can take a bite
of whatever the hell that is

and genuinely tell me you like it,
I'll leave you alone.

pick one self-care activity to do today.

- Yeah.
- Fine.

- Yeah.
- I'll go and...

You're about to say "walk",
I'm cutting you off.

On a walk to the...

nail salon.

Great. I'm gonna spend my break
making sure you don't hide in your car.

Just spit it out. Please, spit it out.


Hey! Not bad, huh?
Check out your new Blockbuster daddy.

It was my idea for Rene
to use flea shampoo as volumizer.

It burns a little, but I can't remember
the last time my hair had this body.

I'm impressed
you're really trying to win this,

but you don't have to change.

The camera crew's here.

Okay. Tim, relax, be yourself.

You love this place.
You treat customers like your friends.

Your story is heartwarming.


- Is that a parrot?
- I got duck.

It was a buzzer.
Has no one seen Jeopardy?

People don't want their hearts warm.

They want their minds blown!


"What Would Boss Baby Do?"

Yeah. Eliza, your plan seems nice,
but I've tried nice.

If we're gonna stay in business,
we need to stop being polite and get real.

- The Real World tagline?
- Yeah.

- Tell me, who deserves that Itsy Bizzie?
- I do!

- Who's the Golden Business Spider?
- I am!

Um, I'm the Golden Business Spider?

- Right!
- Yeah.

What are you gonna say
to that camera crew?

Welcome to my playground.

That is not Timmy.

These are my people.

No, it's a supernova.

Ew. Look at this shade of yellow.
"Smoker's Finger."

Cute. Here's a pretty blue
called "Taken by an Avalanche."

See, we're already having fun.

Yeah. But I'm overwhelmed.

Don't stress,

self-care should be relaxing and fun.

- That's the name of this color.
- That's not the color.

That's the brand. Relaxing and Fun
is wet n wild's line for people over 40.

I've always thought of myself
as over 40 at heart.


Um, I can take it from here.
Don't you have to study?

No, we're focusing on you today.

Ooh. I think I found my shade.
"Could be Fungal."


I am so glad they sprung for a good DP.

DP is the Director of Photography.

There's no worse sound in the world
than a man describing film terms.

You know you don't have
to change yourself for this, right?

Look, I have to win,
so I'm acting like a winner.

I want you to win too.
It's how your rent problem goes away.

I don't want you
to lose focus on yourself.

I am laser focused.

Maybe not as focused
as Rick's camera was.

He made me look good.

But believe me,
I am very focused on myself,

my best self.

The babysitter's dead and I'm going
to have a summer to remember.

He's done it!

Our boy's gone viral.

This morning, you had 144 followers,

now 147.

- Ho!
- That says 145.

Huh. Lost two. When you reach
these heights, backlash is inevitable.

Connie, I was just talking to Timmy
about staying focused on...

Winning. Couldn't agree more.

It's a crucial moment
in any awards campaign.

This is when we bring out the big guns!

Gift bags for voters.

Gift bags?

You sweet naive thing.

Every award is bought and paid for.

Actually, I don't think
we should give the voters gifts, Con.

We should bring them to the gift.

An elegant evening at Blockbuster.

The student has become the teacher.

We have some event planning to do.

So would you like a mani beaucoup,
pedi mort, or upper lip wax?

Uh, these bottles
of Self-Worth Comes From Within,

- Influencer Beige, Disgraced Girl Boss.
- I thought we were getting mani-pedis!

I can get three bottles
for the same price as a manicure

and do my nails at home.

Maybe this home-school graduate
can teach you a thing about accounting.

Fine, at least
you're doing some self-care.

What you're describing is piracy.

You're taking food
out of my birds' mouths.

In that case, don't sell these to me.
Let's go.

No, no, no. It's fine.

That'll be 29.60.

I'll be paying with this.

A gift certificate?
The only reason you picked this place

is because you wouldn't
have to spend any money?

- That's cheating.
- Read the back of this for me.

"Treat as you would real money."

Caught on a technicality.

I'd like my change back in fives.

- It's 40 cents.
- I know.

I want nickels.

Wow, you guys really got
a lot of decorations for this party.

Um, I think these are meant
for a quinceañera.

Never hurts to seem young
and full of promise.


Okay. And this?

The voting committee should feel
the balance of fear and gratitude

that comes with
spending Thanksgiving with family.

- Oh. Timothy.
- Percival.

I heard you went to my store.

Ugh. Grand Mill gossip really gets around.

We are throwing a soiree
for my Itsy Bizzie nom tomorrow.

I remember those days
when my business was still small enough

to be considered for such an award.
Success is a double-edged sword.

And look at you now.
Big enough to evict a friend.

- Ooh. I just realized something.
- We need candles. Right?

All the Devil's Advocate parties
were oozing with them.

I read in Parade Magazine
that Pacino brought candles from home.

Don't you guys think
Blockbuster has its own nostalgic charm,

and all this stuff
might get in the way of that?

Percival, does your un-nominated store
offer delivery?

We are gonna need
your waxiest of candles.

Hello. Oh, Madam Secretary,
thank you so much for coming out.

Treasurer O'Brien, I'll tell you again,
we do not have a discount for male models.

Who here matters?

Can you up the lights?

Customers are having trouble
finding movies.

A lady knocked over
three shelves of new releases.

First two were by accident,
but the last one was out of anger.

Oh, you two.

Anything worth finding
is worth searching for.

Also, I love what the soft glow
is doing for my complexion.

Floy Beckam?
The stars really are out tonight.

- Uh, does Timmy seem off to you?
- He's a different person. I've been...

He's kissing Floy Beckam on the cheek.

Nope, he's moving towards the lips.
I should step in.

So I see that you're washing garbage.

- These are almost brand-new.
- I know.

Pass them down to your grandchildren.

I don't know if I'll have grandchildren.

If I do, they'll be inheriting
my collection of Arby's Christmas goblets.

I let the nail salon slide,
but this is too much.

Next time you're at my house
you can drink from the hose.

Your cheapness is pathological.

What do you care?

Look, money has always been tight
with my family.

I've been counting coupons since I was 8.

So I'm frugal.

Isn't it better to be careful?

I get careful, but it controls your life.

You won't check out DVDs
and we get them for free.

It is our one employee benefit.

I don't wanna burn out my DVD player.
I've only had it since 2009.

You'll wake up one day

and realize you went ten years
without ordering shrimp on your nachos!

A life wasted.

Hey, I'm just sacrificing for my future.

Like you
with that accounting school you hate.

I do not hate accounting.
You have no idea what you're saying.

Big surprise.

If shrimp nachos are so important,
order them yourself, bro.

Just don't come crying to me
when I'm on my flight to San Diego.

That's right, San Diego.

The one with the zoo.

The big future you're saving up for
is a three-night stay in San Diego?

Enjoy being miserable till then.

It's four nights!

And I'll be too busy mapping out my day

at their world-class safari park
to be miserable.

So still not jealous?

Of this lame-ass party?
Look at all this junk in here.

That they got at your store.
Okay, look, I'm sorry, that wasn't fair.

This must be hard for you.

You do so much for Timmy.

Propping him up as a business owner,
you get no recognition.

Things between us have been complicated.
It's hard to be the guy behind the guy.

I guess I am a little jealous.

So you admit it. I got you again.

What a small man.

- Have a nice night, Percy.
- It's "Dad."

I told you about calling me Percy. Hey.

Sorry, the computer seems to be dead.
Chocolate fountain must've blown a fuse.

So I have to talk to my parents
while they're visiting?

Let me go try to fix it.

Remember, young lady, R-rated movies
require a parent or legal guardian.

Mine have been dead for decades.
You have my vote, handsome.

- Oh.
- Timmy, we're having an issue.

I haven't seen you in forever.
What have you been working on?

- It's Connie.
- Oh.

I might have known if it weren't so dark.
I thought you were on candle duty.

There's a difference between
being a guest and working a party, babe.

Did you call me "babe"?

- And is that a diamond bracelet?
- Rhinestone dog collar from Rene.

You might've known if it weren't what?

- Dark.
- That's my girl.

Who needs to be filled to the brim
with the magic of Tim?

Congrats, Dr. Frankenstein.

Instead of being himself,
like I encouraged him to be,

he's now a monster.

Only a matter of time before he...

Drowns a little girl?
I thought the same thing.

But which little girl,

and in which of
our state's countless lakes?

I was gonna say
"before he absconds to the arctic."

Always thinking of an excuse to say you
read the book instead of seeing the movie.

Fine. Maybe I pushed him too hard.

I just finally wanted to win one of these.

But I'll go talk to him.

The store is on fire!

- Go, go, go!
- Come with me.

Okay, so who's the dickbag
that owns this place?

I'll say that again.

Who's the dickbag who owns this place?
They didn't send me not to find a dickbag.

I'm the dickbag who owns it.

And I'm the dickbag behind the dickbag.

I created this monster.

- Arrest me, officers.
- We're the fire department.

Have you guys seen Hannah?

Oh, she went to the bar for a drink.

Oh, great. This is my curse.
My hot takes drive people to drink.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Um, I just wanted to say that...

- I'm...
- Enjoy.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Are those shrimp nachos?

When the store caught fire,
I realized you were right.

I should treat myself a little more
'cause tomorrow isn't promised.

I came here for a drink,

then realized the nachos
were 2 bucks cheaper, but baby steps.

What did you wanna say?

I shouldn't have been hard on you.
Your financial stuff is your business.

And you were right.
I'm no better. I, uh...

- I hate accounting.
- Oh, yeah.

You changed the subject to my cheapness
this morning to avoid talking about it.

You noticed? I thought I was so subtle.

You'd be surprised by the things I notice.


You'd be surprised.

I'm sorry.
I was projecting my own stuff onto you.

It's just, children of immigrants
don't really get to have dreams.

It's complicated.

Well, let's just agree

that we both need to try to have
a little more shrimp on our nachos.


Now, dig in!

Oh, I love the play
of textures and temperatures.

These are frozen.

I've got some great news.

- I won the Itsy Bizzie?
- No. No?

No, you've been blacklisted.

Hmm. You were saying there was good news.

Yes. Right.

The fire department isn't gonna fine you.

Turns out strip mall carpet is toxic,

so it counts as their disaster training
this year.

No one can ever accuse me
of not supporting our first responders.

Listen, I'm so sorry
about getting out of control today.

I didn't wanna lose that prize money.

And... I didn't wanna let you down.

So you did both.

Shrewd. Hey, let me help you with this.

Oh, you know, I get what
Christina Applegate was going through.

The babysitter dies,
then suddenly you're the babysitter?

It's a heavy burden.
Still trying to figure it all out.

You did save the day at the end.

That's something.
What are you gonna do about the rent?

I gotta sacrifice something,
so I am putting my Mitsubishi up for sale.

Should buy me a few months

while I figure
this small business thing out.

Wait! The Eclipse?

- But you love that car.
- Yeah, it's pretty cherry.

But I love the store more.

And you all.

Wow. Spoken like
a true small business owner.

Well, as sad as it is knowing I'll never
get to go for another 'bishi ride, thanks.

You're the real Itsy Bizzie winner
in my eyes.

Really. What do I win?

I could buy you a drink.

Yes, please.

You want a pre-drink chocolate,
banana, marshmallow, or prosciutto?

Mm. You leave one of those unplugged
for more five minutes,

they become a breeding ground
for mosquitoes.

Ruined my cousin's wedding.

This could legally
be classified as swampland.

You need to get that?


Yeah, I probably should.
I'll just be a sec.

Hey, goose!

When I said I'd move back in,

you promised you'd move the PS5
out of the bedroom.

I cannot get addicted to GTA online again.


Ready for that trophy drink?

Um, I totally forgot
I have something I have to do.


Okay. Next time then?


♪ This time, baby, I'll be ♪

♪ Bulletproof... ♪

- Hey.
- Timmy.

Hey, man. I'm sorry, okay?

- At least let me...
- Forget it. I'll get you the rent.

I need to get drunk
with my best friend, if that's cool?

That's very cool.

Give it up.


Here's the big question.

First round on you,
or the last round on you?

I think first round on you
and last round on you.

I might not remember
the last round.


♪ So tick, tick, tick, tick on the watch
And life's too short for me to stop ♪

♪ Oh, baby, your time is running out ♪

♪ I won't let you turn around ♪

♪ And tell me now I'm much too proud ♪

♪ All you do is fill me up with doubt ♪

♪ This time, baby, I'll be ♪

♪ Bulletproof ♪

♪ This time, baby, I'll be ♪

♪ Bulletproof ♪