Blockbuster (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript

So, three years this March?

Sorry, I've been meaning to come in.
I've been...

Busy. No, I get it.

But like Ferris B. said on his day off,
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't..."

Netflix. I've been doing Netflix,
you know, like, well, everybody.

- Zing.
- Their algorithm keeps recommending

The Great British Bake Off,
which is trigger for me

since Amanda left me for a chef
from Manchester

she met on Facebook.

Yikes. Sorry, that sentence
just kept getting worse.

I bet that guy makes a good living.
Croissants are so expensive



and you have to be Scrooge McDuck
to afford the chocolate one.

- Way to focus on what's important.
- What is important?

Not washing your hair every day.

Anyway, as always, I have
the perfect movie to cheer you up.

So many great breakup films.

Eternal Sunshine, High Fidelity,

and if you're feeling freaky, Midsommar.

I have a good one. Oh, what's it called?

It's with the lady from
the smartwater ads and Van Jones.

- From CNN?
- You don't speak Connie.

She means Jennifer Aniston
and Vince Vaughn.

- TheBreak-Up.
- No spoilers. Haven't seen it.

All good suggestions, gang,
but I got this.

Under the Tuscan Sun?



Are you sure?

Doesn't really seem me.

I've been working here
since seventh grade.

- That is not the flex you think it is.
- Anyway, trust me,

you need to get out of your lane
and into Diane Lane.

- Okay. Thanks. I'll bring it back soon.
- I'm not going anywhere.

- Don from Corporate.
- Ooh.

- Donny. What's going, Don?
- Every time. Look,

no easy way to say this.
Seven more Blockbusters closed.

You're the last one on Earth.

Uh, I don't love the pattern
that's starting to emerge.

I'm sure you are gonna be fine.

Yeah. Maybe you're right.
Change can be scary, but oftentimes...

- Nice knowing you, Timmy.
- What?

- You said we'll be fine.
- And you probably will be.

I, on the other hand, am screwed.
They're liquidating Corporate.

This place is gonna be
a WeWork by tomorrow morning.

Well, don't worry, Don.

I'm sure you'll also be fine. Hello?

Support us and become VIP member
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You okay?

No. How do we replace
an entire corporate infrastructure?

Purchasing, rental tracking.

They paid half our rent.

My God. They did?

- I mean, we'll figure it out.
- That's what I said to Mindy

from Mindy's Travel Hut
before she went out of business.

- My point is the Internet sucks.
- I would love to disagree,

but also Logan Paul, TikTok influencers,

those BuzzFeed quizzes

that tell you
which Bridgerton servant you are.

- I make Lady Danbury's tea.
- Ooh.

My whole life is this store.

I love Blockbuster.

I should've seen this coming,
but I guess I just didn't want to.

But look around.

DJ Steve's Hip-Hop Flip-Flop Shop, gone.

It was the most popular
pill mill in Michigan.

Now it's a ghost kitchen.

You could make a good riddance
argument for those places, but I hear you.

I don't miss places, I miss people.

Humans need to interact with each other.

Mindy made me laugh every morning.

DJ Steve gave the best advice.

So long as you steered clear
of his opinions on pronouns.

Maybe I'm just old-fashioned.

Of course you are.

- Timmy, you're a dinosaur.
- And you're not good at pep talks.

But you're the last dinosaur.

Like my professor at Harvard
used to teach us.

Turn your bug into a feature.

Used to teach you during one semester?

- It was a semester and a half.
- Seamless Harvard drop as always.

The point is, it might not be a bad thing
that you're the last Blockbuster.

It might be a good thing.

- Listening.
- I bet it's about his parents.

He's been struggling
since they got divorced.

In middle school.

Maybe he got in that fight with his
roommates again about beer before liquor.

Or he's bummed because
he's a grown man with roommates.

Duh, he's just freaking out
because we're the last Blockbuster.

- What?
- Look.

- What are we gonna do?
- We are gonna throw a block party.

A block party?

That's your idea?

No, I like it.
I just thought it would be better.

I'm sorry, I meant smarter.
Thought it'd be good. Keep going.

Look, a friendly neighborhood block party

is the perfect cheap way
to drum up new memberships

while reminding everyone
that small businesses

offer something the Internet can't,
human connection.

Like you said.
Like you did with that guy, Jeff.

- I did say and do that.
- Come on, we can do this.

Wow, I have not seen you
this stoked about anything

- since you started working here again.
- Well, sorry, if I haven't seemed stoked

to be working the job I had
for one summer in high school.

Remember when that goth kid
got his hand stuck in the return slot?

Oh, yeah.

Back then I chose to be here

as opposed to being forced to
take a job I am way overqualified for

just so I can afford
the studio apartment I had to rent

because I caught my husband Aaron

on a date with a 25-year-old
also named Erin

at the restaurant in Costco.

The girl your Aaron slept with
was also named Erin?

- Why is that worse?
- I don't know, but it is.

Okay, a block party.
I like it. This is gonna be so...

Stupid. A block party?

Start looking for jobs now.
As if there are any.

This town
is not the land of milk and honey,

especially since they shut down
the dairy and the apiary.

I'll light a prayer candle
the second I get home.

I'll wish upon a star.
How am I supposed to be next Tarantino

if I don't work in a video store?

Uh-huh.
Yeah, that's what's holding you back.

This is the only job
where my boss didn't yell at me

or ask if I can do the splits.

- I have to go back to selling leggings.
- I can see my friends.

- I love you more than my real kids.
- I can do the splits, but...

Guys. No one's going anywhere
or doing the splits.

I know things seem bad,
but someone very smart once said:

"Your greatest weakness
can be your greatest strength."

It was me.

Be less thirsty.

Maybe our greatest strength is
we force people to get off their asses

and hang out with humans.

That's more important
now than ever because...

- God, careful.
- Uh, what's happening?

We can't be consumed
by our differences anymore.

We will be united
in our common interests.

Perhaps it's fate that today
is the 19th of September.

We will once again fight for freedom.

Not from tyranny, oppression
or persecution, but from annihilation.

- Is that from Independence Day?
- Yes.

Today we celebrate our Independence Day

from all the corporations
ruining this country

by throwing the greatest block party
ever seen

and signing up more members
than that sex cult

with the creepy volleyball guy
and Chloe from Smallville.

Yeah!

Blockbuster on three.

One, two...

Isn't it ironic
the small business taking a stand

against the big corporation
in this scenario

is a franchise of a once huge corporation

named after the type
of big corporate movies

that killed smaller movies?

Really, dude?

Sorry.

Okay, so for this to work

it's gotta feel like
we just invited our neighbors over

for a casual neighborhood barbecue

because we're not just
small business owners,

were also neighbors.

"Don't say "neighbor" so many times.
You sound like Mr. Rogers.

And action.

So we have Carlos and Hannah
doing online marketing.

Connie's working with stoners on snacks.

Kayla's putting up
signs she made around town.

We'll talk to Patrice
about a mani-pedi station

- and Carol about a shooting gallery.
- Consider me enlisted.

Okay.

Rene has a petting zoo hookup.

- Mitch will serve drinks.
- He'll serve anyone.

And you'll give one of your speeches.

- Don't mind if I do.
- That just leaves Percy.

We need Party! Parti! Parté! for supplies,

but need Percy
to let us use the strip mall.

We got this.
Percy and I are best buds.

Hard pass.

This sounds like a four alarm snooze fest.

Wouldn't those alarms
make it hard to sleep?

Look, as a party industry professional,

I can't be associated
with some lame-ass potluck. Okay?

My strip mall, my rules.

Percy, man, come on.

Unless...

- Unless I can goose it up a notch.
- You're mixing idioms.

- You calling me an idiom?
- That'd be idiotic.

If I were refereeing a game
of National Parks Monopoly,

you two would be my parents now.

Maybe we can not let our
personal feelings cloud our judgment.

- Thank you, Tim.
- Yeah.

Yeah. First thing you're gonna need
is a foam machine.

There's nothing sexier than
turning the ground into a bubble bath.

Yeah.

People go crazy over it.
All that foam's everywhere.

Start making bubble angels
and they love it. They love it.

Yeah. Sexy is not really a vibe
that we're going for.

- We need a DJ.
- No, no, no. DJs plural.

- What?
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

DJ battle!

You gotta have a big-ass inflatable
car dealership-type gorilla, son.

Obviously, son.

Why though, son?

To draw people in. See, that is why
you got kicked out of Harvard.

- That's not what happened.
- Allegedly.

Luckily, I got you on the gorilla,

and get you half off
on the foam machine and DJ booth

'cause you're my boy. I got you.

- Thank you. This is gonna be so epic.
- Okay, you're perverting my idea.

Is she calling me a pervert?
Check your girl.

No, no. Look, look, it's a collab, E.

It's like Yeezys
or the Dorito shell at Taco Bell.

- Love that taco shell.
- It's good.

We only have one shot to attract
as many new customers as possible.

I'm maxing out my cards here.
We have to make it count.

Not to brag, but me and Percy
used to be kind of famous

for ragers we'd throw
at my parents' house.

Yeah. I remember.
My school wasn't allowed

to have a graduation party
because two idiots

drove a Zamboni through a living room.

The only ZUI in history of Michigan.

Better Google it.

Okay, guys, respectfully-ish,
that was high school. Okay?

I know what I'm talking about.
I majored in marketing.

For five minutes. I'm just saying.

At least I graduated high school
in under a decade.

I repeated middle school.
Middle school. You were there.

I don't know about you,
but I'm not using algebra.

Stop. Percy is just upset
because he wants to help.

Eliza is just upset

because of the husband cheating
on her thing.

- But if we foc...
- Timmy!

- Ooh.
- That was private.

You know what? Good luck.

Good luck with your dumbass gorilla,
DJ battle,

awesome, not awesome party.

- You forgot the foam machine!
- It's a health hazard!

- I'm gonna...
- Yeah, you go handle that.

Don't leave the foam out like that.
Sexiest part of the party is the foam.

Eliza.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that.
Percy only had a few tweaks.

I need him on board
to use the parking lot.

No, what you need is to grow up.

What? I'm hella grown up.

Really?

You still share a brain
with the dude you did whippets with.

You've never been in a relationship

longer than it takes
to microwave a Hot Pocket.

- And you just used the word "hella."
- I own my own business.

- You still have roommates!
- Roommate. Garrett is missing.

Life isn't 21 Jump Street, Timmy.
You can't go back to high school.

What was so great
about your life back then anyway?

Me and Percy
were the kings of the school.

Principal Amos would let me
rap morning announcements.

I didn't have a trauma patch
of white hair

from my parents' divorce yet.

Wow, divorce really messes kids up, huh?

No, I'm fine.
You're the one with the messed-up life.

I can't believe you told Percy
about me and Aaron.

Let it go. Everyone knows
your husband cheated on you.

- He did?
- I didn't know about that.

- I expected that's why you split up.
- Someone married you?

- Have fun at your stupid party.
- Eliza.

So is the block party still on?

Need to know if I need to shave my legs.

It's still on
and it's gonna be the party of the year.

Chicks, right?

Um, gender is a spectrum.
But way to say the sexist part loud.

- Sexist?
- He's right, 'Los.

Look, I'm only 24,
so I shouldn't be giving you advice.

You ever think the reason
why she makes you so mad

is because you have a thing for her?

What?

You know what?

He is absolutely right.

Now I remember. Yes!

You crushed hard on her that summer
she worked with you freshman year.

No. Look, I may have had
some feelings for Eliza then,

but that was 20 years ago.

What makes you think
there's anything still there?

Are you picking up a vibe
or something, 'Los?

- Like, from her too or...?
- Um, maybe.

Look, take it from me.
Do not deuce where you chow.

And don't smash anybody you work with.

It's bad. Been there, done that.

No, I'm not just
talking about smashing her.

Uh, if I was still talking
about anything at all, which I'm not.

- The end.
- Look, if you want my advice,

which, again, seems weird
because you've got 15 years on me,

tell her how you feel before it's late.

I wish I tweeted
at Walter Mercado before he died.

Ehh! You had time.

That man's been old your entire life.

Like Colonel Sanders and Elmer Fudd.

Tell her at the block party.

- That'd be so cinematic.
- Are you gonna take chick advice

from someone
who says things are cinematic?

You gotta drink her out of your head.
Trust me, I know women. Hey, Mitch.

Next round on me. Guess who sold
their first copy of their e-book,

How to Be a Player After Divorce.

Hmm.

- Hey, bottom shelf.
- I'm the one who bought it.

♪ No secret, no sneakin'

♪ Living like
Every day is the weekend ♪

♪ This my life
I'm gonna show you how I live it ♪

♪ Walk like a superstar
See, people call me to make you mad ♪

♪ 'Cause that's the game
That'll make you dance ♪

♪ Girls on tables, haters hide... ♪

I guess I just imagined our last day
to be less soapy.

You no longer have an excuse
to not move to Hollywood.

No, I'm still finding my voice.

The TikTok you made today
was better than five of the Star Wars.

I haven't actually seen any of them.

I'm just on Reddit a lot.

So, what's your dream job?

I'd love to work with animals,
but it's tough with the language barrier.

Or a seamstress,
but only for American Girl dolls.

This is why I have to stay.
I'm gonna reverse Blind Side you.

Tell me that's not
an Urban Dictionary thing.

Probably is, but I mean the movie.

I'll be the person of color

that teaches a pretty white woman
she could have more out of life.

I can't start over with new work friends
at Hobby Lobby.

Hey, guys. Heard from Eliza?
You know if she's coming?

- Oh, God. You're really gonna do it.
- Do what?

DJ battle!

'Los, can you get them to turn it down?

I'll try.

We still got it, bro!

Never doubted us, Perce.

But, hey, it's a little loud.
Also, does it seem like

our "support local small businesses"
message is getting slightly obscured?

Why would you say that?

That was the whole point of this thing.

Speaking of, I wanna
give a little speech from the heart

about community and stuff.

Right.

It's not a rager until there's a message.

No offense, but you're not
about that public-speaking life.

I'm giving a speech from the heart.

Look, I need this to work
or I lose everything.

It's not just about me.

I'm the only one looking out
for the people who work here now.

Okay. I get it. I get it.

It's gonna be fine.

I got one more surprise,
and then you're on.

Whoo!

You didn't catch it. Let's go.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Turn your attention to the sky

for a dazzling salute to the troops!

Whoo!

It's daytime.

Percy!

Hey, hey, don't go. Stay.

Stay. Hey. No, no, no. Stay, stay, stay.

Where are you going?

You can't leave without a membership.

Looks like I missed an epic bash.

Eliza, did you come to congratulate me

on flushing our store down the pooper?

You think "pooper" means "toilet"?

I'm here 'cause I'm on the schedule.

I'm kidding.

I figured you could use a hand
because I've never seen a party

with a foam machine
that didn't end in total disaster.

Thanks.

So listen.

- Eliza?
- Yeah?

There's something I've been wanting
to talk to you for a really long time.

- Excuse me. Sir, I'm...
- Channel 12's Remington Alexander?

Guilty as charged. Do you work here?

I'd love to ask you
about the gorilla attack.

I actually own the place.
I'm sorry, did you say "gorilla attack"?

Haven't you seen this?

Oh.

We're outside the last Blockbuster,

where less than an hour ago

the viral gorilla attack video was filmed.

What exactly happened here?

Uh, well, a bottle rocket
hit our giant inflatable gorilla,

which wasn't very ideal,

but my man, Carlos,
over there did the rest.

- You should interview him.
- Uh, no, thank you.

Okay. Well, is there anything else
you can tell us?

Uh...

Um, uh...

But what happened before all that
is a much bigger story.

- What?
- Remington, we, as a society,

have lost something huge.

Each other.

Shopping, buying party supplies,
and, yes, even renting a movie

used to be our chance
to interact with a familiar face.

But big corporations
like Amazon stole that.

It's why people are pissed off nowadays.

Because you can't replace
getting to know a person

with a computer program

or the smile of a stranger
with a smiling box.

This party was our way
of reminding people.

So if you agree, come sign up
for a Blockbuster membership

at the Grand Mill Shopping Center,

and together,
our community can do something

that no other community has done,
keep Blockbuster Video alive.

Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, baby. Yeah.

Yeah.

Holy eggplant involtini, bro.
You were so right.

This movie made me feel
so much better about getting dumped.

It gave me hope when I least expected it.

Just like Tuscany did for Frances.

Oh, are we on TV?
Listen, this dude is a genius.

Algorithms can suck it.
Long live Blockbuster.

Okay.

How about you give our viewers a tour
of the last Blockbuster on the planet?

My pleasure. Come on, this way.

- Holy smokes.
- Wow, Carlos!

Does this mean
you're like a famous director now?

I saw that guy interview a sock puppet
about the Final Four, so I don't know.

I'm happy the video
got the store publicity.

How did it get out?

I don't know.

Oh, well, well, well.

Kayla posted it.

Maybe someone cares after all.

Calm down, dorks.

I did it to embarrass Timmy and my dad.

Oh. Did everybody hear that?
My daughter called me "Dad"

without the word "cuck."

Whoo! This is the best day ever!

- Come here. Yes. No cuck.
- Okay.

No cuck!

Wow. I guess congrats are in order.

Somehow, against all odds
and the god I thought I knew,

you and Percy were able to get
our message out to a ton of people.

Phone's been ringing off the hook.
87 new memberships.

I'm still in shock.

But it was your idea, so thank you.

Hopefully, it's enough
to let us fight another day.

I hope so.

Don't tell my boss,
but I kind of like it here.

Don't tell my you, but if this store
has any chance at surviving,

we'll need your big Harvard brain.

I went to Harvard.

I really am sorry
about what I said yesterday, though.

I was stressed, and divorce
is a real trigger for me as it is for you.

And, um...

I thought about everything you said,
and you were right.

I gotta stop living in the past.

Just because my parents' relationship
didn't work doesn't mean mine won't.

That's stupid.

Eliza, you inspired me
to grow up, for real,

- which is why...
- Well, don't go crazy.

Being such a kid is what I love...

I mean, what people love about you.

That's called
turning your bug into a feature.

Ha, ha.

And it's not stupid.

Divorce is traumatizing.

You made me see things in a new light too.

There you are.

- Hey.
- Your Camaro awaits, my dear.

I will be right there.

Hey, Tim. Saw you on the news.

Sold Remington Alexander a condo.

Cool, man.

- I'll wait in the car, goose.
- Okay.

Three-bedroom condo.

When we first met, I had this honk laugh,

so now we call each other "goose."

Anyway, we're having a drink tonight.

You made me look at things
from my daughter's perspective.

I moved out after Ali went to college,
so I thought she'd be okay, but...

she's struggling.

And I'm worried she feels like

she doesn't have a place to come home to,

so I'm giving Aaron another chance.

For her.

Uh, no, totally.

Of course.

I hope it works out.

Thanks.

Night.

♪ Baby, I've seen it all before ♪

♪ I ain't gonna be your fool anymore ♪

♪ I can hear my heart pounding ♪

♪ Oh, but I just can't decide ♪

♪ Stuck between the depths of my fears ♪

♪ And peaks ♪

♪ Of my pride ♪

♪ Baby, I've seen it all before ♪

♪ Know that I've seen it all before ♪