Blockbuster (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Episode #1.2 - full transcript

Yeah, thanks. I just wanna confirm
that my employees' benefits won't lapse.

Sure, I'll hold.

You're here early.

Oh, been getting here at 8 all week.

Rise and grind.
What the sports guys say on Twitter.

Sports guys also dress
like Justin Bieber's pastor?

No, not just that.

I, too, released a statement
after Bieber's monkey incident.

- Insulting you is getting harder.
- Oh, thank you.

So I took Eliza's advice
to embrace being the big boss.

Buy, sell, flip, flop, love it, list it.
I'm not talking to anyone, I'm on hold.

Speaking of Eliza, how are you feeling

after everything that happened
or didn't happen?

Bad. Really bad.

I almost told her I liked her moments
before she got back with her husband.

Nothing dropping a shot of Jäger
into a pint of ice cream won't cure.

We're better off as friends.
Now we can go back to acting normal.

Eliza! Looking good,
looking sharp, looking chill.

In my Blockbuster uniform
that I always wear?

Sure, whatever. Shut up.

Timmy got here at 8.

Eight a.m.?

- Oh, it's not that early.
- Not for most people,

but you claim
it's not worth waking up that early

because your breakfast burrito place
doesn't open until 11.

But your breakfast burrito place
is a gas station that's open 24 hours.

You do not want to see clientele
at Gas-n-Guzz before 11.

We call them Morning Joes
and they're an absolute nightmare.

Not important.

I took your advice,
throwing myself into the business.

In fact, I made a to-do list.

At work by 8 and a list,
did somebody rise and grind?

I did. Opened a bank account,
transferred utilities into my name,

and I even talked to a lawyer
about legal stuff.

- They're good with that.
- Smart.

It's all on me. No corporate.
I am the Blockbuster dad now.

I got bills to pay and ties to wear
and James Patterson books to read.

So you can call me
"the Blockbuster daddy."

Ehh. Why are we listening to weird music?

Is this "End of the World as We Know It",
but no lyrics? The melody won't hold.

Blockbuster daddy is on hold
with our health insurance agent.

Don't wanna let your bennies lapse.

- You're all set, Mr. Yoon.
- Thank you, sir.

All that's left on my list
is get Percy to put the lease in my name.

Get on Zazzle
and start designing me a mug,

"World's Best Blockbuster Daddy."

This new "daddy" thing aside,
with Timmy this focused

and the influx of customers
from my block party idea...

- You mean my video.
- ...I think we're gonna be okay.

If I don't fire somebody by 5,
I'll lose the store.


What happened?
I thought things were going great.

You had the customers
from that news thing.

For the first time
your store has more people than rats.


I've only seen your hair turn white
three other times.

When your parents got a divorce,

when you were slow dancing
to "November Rain" with Denise Carrera...

You held a fart so long,
you went to the emergency room.

...and your mom made
your 13th birthday a roast.

- Cherished memories. Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Everything is way more expensive
without corporate.

Payroll taxes, zero vendor discounts.

You know I needed permits
to keep the store legal?

I did not.

I stopped paying a Scottish mob
for protection.

That unhoused gentleman in a kilt
only comes around

because you keep giving him $20.

I basically have to fire
one of my friends, my family.

I'll tell you, man, that sucks big time.

Whose can is getting canned?

...there for an hour,

and she agreed to buy the bird,
then she said I could...

It's bad when she
makes eye contact with the bailiff.

- She gave me a check...
- I'm glad this place didn't close.

I'd really miss this.

- Me too.
- "Balance $400."

- No!
- Who gets the parrots?

Some sad breaking news out of Iron Creek,

where our beloved local movie reviewer
has passed away.

It's that guy who comes in every month
to do his Hollywood Harold's Flicky Picks.

Then blows up our bathroom.

- ...every Wednesday and Friday since 1950.
- Rest in peace.

Funny man James Eugene Carrey,

the always unapologetically
Canadian thespian, is in a new movie.

But unfortunately, I'm gonna
havetosay "no, sir" to Yes Man.

- Who got the parrot?
- We don't know, that guy died.

What? Hollywood Harold died?

That's crazy. He was a... He was a hero.

I try to reserve "hero"
for first responders

and geese Sully Sullenberger murdered.

A local legend taken too soon.

I'm Miranda Golder
fillinginfor Remington Alexander,

who is on vacation.

Bye. What was that all...?

Ooh! We're back, baby.

Neither of them deserves the parrot.

...medical center said returnthe bird...

What the hell is this?
Olivia Rodrigo's unfortunate cousin?

It's my daughter's band,
the Trampoline Busters.

There's no corporate,
we can play whatever we want.

- Your daughter released an album?
- Mm-hm.

On SoundCloud.

I burned a CD
so I could listen to it in my Volvo,

but I only have a tape deck.

- This is my first time listening to it.
- Bleak.

Ooh! I love this one.
The drums are so quick.

These lyrics are clearly about you.


"I'm not a little girl, proper and polite.

I'm a grown-ass woman,
I don't wanna split my Sprite."

No, they're not.

It's about becoming your own person.

Fighting to break free
from the man. Right?

Yeah. You're the man.

I get it. Moms suck.

My mom wouldn't even let me get a tattoo.
It would have been so cool. Look.

- That's a pentagram.
- It's more.

It's five triangles.

See, moms don't get it.

Things have been a little tense lately,
but we're on the upswing.

We run a thriving island
in Animal Crossing, okay?

If Ali had a problem with me,
she'd tell me.

True. Because teenage girls
are never passive-aggressive.

This feels like having to give up a child.

I can't imagine them not being here.

I did have one last-ditch idea
that just might work.

Lay it on me.

So you know how Blockbuster
used to pay half my rent?

Is there any way
that you could reduce my rent...?

One thing we know is,
you're not gonna fire Kayla.

- Is that something we know?
- That's my daughter.

You can't fire my daughter.
I'm your friend.

- Fire Eliza.
- Eliza's off the table.

She's basically a minimum wage MBA.

Not Carlos, that man is a movie genius.

He got someone
to rent Garden State after 2004.

He's good.

Not Connie. She brings soup and hugs.

One time she hugged me
with soup in her hand and burnt my back.

- You let it go, the soup is good.
- That butternut squash is bomb.

She's the same age
as most of our clientele.

Who else will know
Hank Ackerman means Hugh Jackman?

- I want some butternut squash soup.
- And not Hannah. She's good at...

She's the sweetest person.

And I just took everyone off the table.
It's an empty table.

Not Kayla.

Yes, Kayla. If this will be fair,
we have to consider everyone.

How about I consider raising your rent?

- Damn it.
- Yeah.

- This will be harder than I thought.
- Mm-hm.

It's like taking up skateboarding
at 38 again.

The last time I drew a dick on a arm cast.

That's right. It was very realistic.

Hollywood Harold's
love of movies inspired

millions and millions of Michiganders.

- Mm.
- Okay. Thousands.

He was literally married to movies.

He gave Schindler's List five smooches.

We have to find a new purpose
for this rack that honors his legacy.


Any ideas?


A section for all those movies
where a man and woman fall in love,

and they're perfect for each other.

But the man starts aging in reverse.

All those movies?

A rack dedicated to trilogies
where the middle one is the best,

like National Treasure.

Only two National Treasure movies.

Wicker Man is the third.

Why are you in this meeting?

Concerned customer.

- What about an adult section?
- Oh, Jesus, Connie.

- Ew.
- No, no. Not like stag films.

I mean movies with sophisticated,
adult themes like The Remains of the Day.

Should duty come before love?

Va, va, voom!

Maybe leave the rack empty.
A symbol of what we've lost.

An empty rack is a symbol
we're going out of business,

which is a vibe
we're actively working against.

What about employee picks?

Okay, I like that.

A little basic, but Harold
would've put his own spin on things.

Like Halvsies, you watch the beginning
of one movie and the end of another.

The time he did the beginning of Bambi
with the end of E.T.

Oh! It was just a straight-up sob fest,
no relief.

But you could put
your own spin on things.

Employee picks,
but I'll figure out a twist.

- Hollywood Harold would have loved that.
- I'd like to say a few words about him.

To quote my favorite musician,

"You are not, not the worst."

Double negative.

"You will not, not, not control me."
Triple negative. Double, triple negative.

"Eliza Walker, you're the worst."
Still think these lyrics aren't about you?

How was that about Harold?

- I got something.
- What you got?

I lost it.

Hate that when it happens.


- It's back.
- I love that.

I know we said no
to psychological warfare,

but there's something in the area
making the employees decide for us.

I bet if we just ask them a few questions,

the person I should fire
would become obvious.

Yeah. Like a reverse job interview.


Clockwise, you working,
and counterclockwise your ass fired.

I bet one doesn't need this job.

No offense, who'd work at Blockbuster

if they didn't absolutely have to?

Ultimately, I decided
even if it is a microchip,

let the government spy.

I promised Helen
we'd see Jeff Dunham live.

Totally, but I asked why you took the job.

Not why you took the jab.


Okay, well, let's see.

For one, you all, of course.

Number two, gotta get my steps.

And three, probably watching judge shows
with Hannah.

So you're saying you don't need this job?

I guess not totally, financially.

- All we needed to hear.
- Yeah.

Emotionally on the other hand,
that's another story.

Before I started working here,
I don't know how I filled my days.

Got catfished a bunch, of course.

SWAT'd myself more than once.

Hooked on nasal sprays for a piece,

mostly just farted around Shondaland
in my pajama jeans shorts.

One night,
I was putting Christmas lights on the roof

and I just started inching
towards the edge. Inching.

Inching, inching.

I cannot thank you enough for this job.

Saved my life.

Literally. You remember
that Malaysian airplane that disappeared?

I was supposed to be on it
the day you hired me.

That'll do. Thank you.

Is something going on?

As if.

Is that a new gray patch?

Oh, yeah, trying something.

Keep up the hard work.

Carry on. Bye.

Carlos. What do you consider
your job strengths and weaknesses?

Where do you see yourself in five years?

- Pick a name.
- He don't have time.

I'm replacing the Hollywood Harold section
with Employee Picks.

Pick a name, then a movie
you think that person would like.

Another great idea.

A new way to connect
with customers and each other.

You're like our Zuckerberg except
you won't destroy democracy,

and don't eat your hair.

Thanks, man.


- That man deserves a raise.
- You're moving in the wrong direction.

I didn't say I'd give him a raise.

- You're out of Cool Ranch.
- You ate it all.

I told you to put two rows in!

Have you noticed Timmy acting strange?

I feel someone's about
to get voted off the island.

I don't know. Listen...

Do I have an annoying presence
on Instagram? My daughter...

Personally, I unfollowed you
because you'd write "needed this today"

under all of Michelle Obama's posts.

You unfollowed me? When?

Wow. I've been misjudging
all my relationships.

- I can see you doing that.
- I don't know that you're one to judge.

Once a week you post a picture
of Snoopy drinking rosé

with "in dog wines I've only had one"
under it, so...

Come on, Connie, this is serious.

I think that Ali is blaming me for all
of the problems between her dad and me.

Listen to these lyrics,

"A studio apartment isn't a home,
you're gonna be 43 and alone.

Drinking wine with no remorse
while I become another child of divorce."

It's just so funny.

Snoopy using stemware.

Can you imagine?

Have you done your Hollywood Harold
movie picks yet?

- Is there a spending limit?
- It is not a Secret Santa.

Is this a test
to determine who gets fired?

- What?
- Someone's getting fired?

So listen, Kay.

Kay-money, Kmart.

Oh, no, thank you.

Um, I wanted to check in,
see how you're liking things here.


Walking into a dusty time capsule
every day,

and having some gross dude
in a Gremlins T-shirt mutter,

"You weren't born
when this movie came out,"

is honestly every 16-year-old's dream.

- So you hate it here?
- No.

Let's just say
that every time I have to come in,

it gets a bit harder to get out of bed.

Kayla, I am very sorry,
but I think I'm gonna have to let...

What the...?

Hey, Kayla.

There's a boy who needs
to be reminded about his privilege,

I know you love that kind of stuff.
Go give him a thing or two.

Make Daddy proud. Okay.

Sneaky man. You tried to fire my daughter.

- She literally told me she hates it here.
- Fire Eliza.

Talk about a person
who doesn't wanna be here.

Always saying she's overqualified

and using those triple-point
Scrabble words to confuse me.

Firing Eliza would be insane.

I see what's happening here.

You keeping her around for eye candy.

- Oh, come on.
- You got a big old crush on her.

Look at you.


You can't do that in this climate.

That is not it.

I am glad we're just friends.

I'm rooting for her and Aaron.

- They're my Ross and Rachel.
- Mm-hm.

- She saved us with that block party.
- I saved you with the block party.

I'm the reason we went viral.

Because you lit a 40-foot gorilla on fire.

Look, it's Kayla.

I can't fire adults
who actually need this job.

"Can't" is not in a man's vocabulary.

Quoting Love and Basketball
is not gonna change my mind.

Maybe tripling your rent will.

These people's lives are in my hands.

It's too much pressure.

Like when the judge told me to point
to which parent I wanted to live with.

If not Kayla, who?

Hey, hi. So you might get some calls
from angry parents

because I confused Hungry Caterpillar
with Human Centipede.

You can't be mad, though.

I told you that I did not know a lot
about most movies.

Okay, bye.

She makes mistakes, but she's a good kid.

- Sorry to interrupt again.
- Oh, no.

The Human Centipede situation
has escalated

and the superintendent of all schools
is on the phone for you

and he's "I can hear him breathing" upset.

Again, don't be mad.

Hello? Hello?

Hello? Is anyone there? Hello?

I'll fire Hannah.

- Tomorrow.
- Timmy.

- I wanna soften the blow.
- Timmy.

It's not my fault the nearest
Edible Arrangements is in Ann Arbor.


Is someone getting fired?

- Yes.
- No.

- How did you know?
- You're acting weird,

- a patch of your hair turned gray.
- Again?

Percy asked, "Would you freak out
if you didn't work here anymore?"

Jesus, Percy.

In my mind, it was a trick question.

So who is it?

It's, uh...


Any chance I could just text the person?

Guys, the employee picks with a twist
section is nowhere near finished.

- Who's your pick?
- I'm in the middle of something.

It's important.
Why is no one taking it seriously?

I put up my picks.

I got Eliza, so I went with Bad Moms,
Bad Moms Christmas,

- Throw Momma from the Train.
- Stop.

Carlos, why are you obsessing
over stupid Hollywood Harold

when someone is getting fired?

I love Hollywood Harold,

and someone getting fired
doesn't make him any less dead.

- So someone is getting fired?
- Just tell us who it is, Timmy!


- I am so, so sorry, but it's...
- I quit.

- Kayla, no.
- You can't leave us.

You need to teach me what "lit" means.

Me quitting makes things easier
for everyone.

Plus, this place sucks.

- Kayla.
- Sucks?

- Kayla.
- What the...?

- Is she serious?
- Oh, my God.

This seems like a bad time, I know.

I'm looking for a Robert De Niro movie
where he doesn't play a naughty grandpa.

Any ideas?

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I can't believe she actually quit.

It's crazy.

I'm gonna miss her. Not the part of her
that likes to point out my faults,

like how my relationship with my daughter
is a total mess, but "her" her.

What? Why aren't you
taking this problem seriously?

Because it's not a problem.

It's not a problem that Ali hates me

even though I gave up so much
to be her mother?

Including Harvard.


Look, it's a good thing she's lashing out.

Your family went through
a rough six months.

Means she's working through it.

It's when they bottle it up
you gotta worry.

My son drove his car
through the front of a Wendy's.

He's a lawyer now.


But it's so unfair.

Her dad is the one who cheated.

Not that I'd tell her that.

Why does she have to take it out on me?

She feels safe enough to.

She knows no matter what she says,

you'll always love her.

You're a good mom, Eliza.

You really think so?


I really needed that.

Of course.

I'm here for you.

Whenever we work the same shift.

Kind of a rough day, huh?

I mean, mine got rough
a couple of hours ago, but...

you've had a rough one since you got here.

Yeah. Whatever, you know.

What's up with you
and Hollywood Harold?

Don't say you'll miss
his show-stopping hairline.


Look, my family moved
to the States when I was 5

and we only got one channel.

So I saw a lot of Hollywood Harold.

I learned English
from the movies he played.

That's why I still say "buddy."

I thought you just
really loved Encino Man.

I didn't have any friends as a kid.

And... he felt like a friend.

That's so sweet.

I wish you told me.

You and Hollywood Harold
are like a platonic rom-com.

I wanted people to care
about the employee picks

the way that Harold
made me care about movies.

I did take the employee picks seriously.

It was easy since I picked myself.

That makes no sense.

Harold would've loved it.

Think he would love... this?

- We could dedicate this section to him.
- You made a plaque for Harold?

No, I made it for you
because you're my buddy.

- Aw. Thanks.
- In a twist

- with beloved Iron Creek movie reviewer.
- The news is covering him again.

Searching the home of deceased local man
"Hollywood" Harold Davidson,

authorities discovered the corpses
of over 50 ferrets

in what PETA is calling
"a veritable ferret Waco."

You don't need to see your hero like this.

...according to Iron Creek
FirefighterChiefLouanna Eggers,

they couldn't open the door and escape
because ferrets don't have thumbs.

Hey. You all right?

Not really. Turns out
being the Blockbuster daddy sucks.

Still not loving that nickname.

But trust me, I know how you feel.

You can't always be everyone's friend
when you're trying to do what's best.

And it sucks.

But I'm sorry.


Why didn't you ask for my help?
I thought we were a team.

I guess that would've been awkward
since I was on the chopping block too.

No, you weren't. I can't live without you.

Um, the store can't survive without you.

'cause you're so great.

As my employee and my friend,
because we're friends.

Of course we're friends.

Why are you acting so weird lately?

Why are you? I'm stressed.
Mercury's in retrograde. Shall we?


- I just hope Kayla's all right.
- Oh, no one needs to worry about Kayla.

She already gets paid to put on makeup

while lip-synching John Mulaney bits
on TikTok for some reason.

Oh, I'm old.

Gray streak isn't helping.

But for what it's worth,

I'm really proud of you.


Maybe I am getting the hang
of being a "boss" boss, after all.

Someone called me "sir"
and I didn't look around for my dad.

My first tough day
is officially in the books.

- I'm not letting you let Kayla quit.
- It's done.

I love Kayla
like a daughter you made me hire,

but I can't keep her on as a favor.

It's more than that. The truth is...

I asked you to hire her

so that I had an excuse
to spend more time with her.


Shut up. When she was younger,
I could just pick her up,

take her to get ice cream
and she loved it.

Loved being around her daddy.

But it's not like that anymore.

That's painful for a certified girl dad
like myself because I love her.

Or whatever.

Why didn't you tell me?

I got a reputation to maintain
in these streets.

As the owner of a party store?

Look, the point is this,
I'll pay her salary,

just don't tell Kayla that I...

- Tell me what?
- Um...

Uh, that I found the money
and you don't have to quit after all.

Yeah, okay, whatever.

I love the enthusiasm.

- I'll put this back in my locker.
- Is that my new Hydro Flask?

Yeah, but I love it or whatever.

Yeah, hashtag "girl dad."

- Being a parent sucks.
- Right!?

- Right.
- No.

Blockbuster daddy
does not count as parenting.

Don't normalize that nickname.

- I won't. It's catchy.
- All right.

Ah. I can't believe it.

I didn't have to fire anyone
and now you owe me big time, Percy.

Goes to show things always work out
when you do your best

and you lead with kindness, and...

What the hell?

What set off all those alarms?

Oh, no.

They're back.