#BlackAF (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - yo, between you and me... this is because of slavery - full transcript
I've heard one of the hardest things
to do in life
is play an instrument
and sing at the same time.
Another really hard thing to do
is separate the art from the artist.
It's especially hard when you're black.
We don't have as many icons,
so it hurts a little more
when one of ours goes down,
but that's the thing about being black.
You get used to things
being taken from you,
which is ironic,
seeing as we invented
the home security system.
Not that one.
Not that one, either.
Yeah, that one. The one with the buttons.
Hey, big ups to Marie Van Brittan Brown,
by the way.
♪ Sex, money, murder, our DNA ♪
Well, thank you for taking the time
from your video shoot
to do this interview, Dad.
Come on, you're a TV writer.
You look ridiculous.
- You look like a blind drug dealer.
- Okay.
Just...
Please ask me your question.
Such a hater, dude.
- Fucking hater.
- Okay. So, Dad...
- Yes.
- ...I wanted to talk to you
about how black people in this country
always seem to be on guard.
It's because of slavery.
- Yes. I know that part.
- Okay.
I'm trying to get to the bottom
of something else here.
No, I know. Whatever question you ask me,
the answer's gonna be
"because of slavery."
So, yes, I can do this all day.
Anything.
You know what I'm saying?
Why do we like that? Why do we eat this?
I can trace it back... It's my North Star.
It's the thing that guides me in life.
So, is the reason why you're wearing
a Mr. T level amount of jewelry
because of slavery too?
Such a hater. Yeah, hater.
It's a Pusha T level of jewelry,
but yeah, it is.
You know, our chains that we used to wear,
remember those?
Those were made out of, like,
fucked up, like, old...
train tracks and shit.
You know what I'm saying?
So now,
they're made out of gold and diamonds
and... and rose gold.
So yeah, so... take that, slavery.
Wow, you're really trying to justify
spending my trust fund.
Just tell me, is there anything left?
You know what? Don't answer that.
- Okay, just... just humor here please.
- Okay.
Is it just me or do people
in your generation
really seem to look out
for one another?
Um...
Dad?
- Oh, my God.
- Hello?
Shit!
They don't have it in my size.
- I'm gonna buy it anyway.
- Are you shopping?
Oh, my God.
And just like that,
I'd lost him, to a Mr Porter sale.
And who would shop low to high?
It's high to low.
And in between him cursing the fact
that they didn't have his size
in a Sacai velour-lined track pant
and him wondering
what the shoe conversion chart
was for the UK,
I eventually just gave up.
That is, until he dragged me and my mom
to an advanced screening
of a new black film,
directed by a black director.
So the audience
clearly liked this movie.
And me and my dad clearly did not.
What... the FUCK... is happening?
♪ You either with me or against me, ho ♪
♪ Ho ♪
♪ You either with me or ♪
♪ Wait ♪
♪ Win, win, win, win, win ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Fuck everything else
Win, win, win, win ♪
♪ Win, yeah ♪
Let's go!
Let's go, let's go now!
- Crazy, right? I mean...
- That was so crazy. Crazy.
Whoo!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- Yo! Game changer, right?
- Yo!
Yeah, the game
has definitely been changed.
- I mean, fucking fuck!
- Yeah.
It was like a tour de force
of radical poignancy.
- This was.
- A hundred percent.
- Yes.
- Hey, Kenya, this is the type of film
- people need to see right now.
- This... is.
- A hundred percent.
- Yeah, one hundred...
Everybody's so juiced
that you are doing the panel next week.
- Everybody knows?
- Everybody. It's gonna be litty!
- Litty. So every... so everybody knows?
- My guy!
- A hundred percent everybody.
- Okay.
So, the director of this film
asked my dad to introduce it
in front of an audience
of peers, critics and fans
and then, like, lead a Q&A afterwards.
My dad agreed.
My dad agrees to everything.
I just heard he's doing
a David Alan Grier biopic.
It's basically the Buckwheat prequel.
It's going down. You gonna be there?
- Okay.
- My guy!
We have to... My guy.
Oh. And if you've noticed,
I'm bleeping out the names
of any actual artists or artists' work
due to the fact
that my dad is in this industry,
and it's how he takes care
of my mother and five siblings.
Also, I hope to one day be
in the business myself,
and I'd rather not have to change
my entire name.
- Hey, hey, hey! Hit me.
- We... No, my guy, we have to go right now.
It's called Lawyer, Wife, Mother of Six.
It got into Stedman's hands,
so it's like one step away.
But I'll let you know.
- I'll hit you up on DM.
- Okay. She will.
- Why are you rushing me? Damn!
- We have to go.
- We have that thing.
- What thing?
That thing we have to go to.
You cannot do that panel, Dad.
- I definitely can't do that panel, right?
- No.
Wait, why can't you do the panel?
- Did you see the movie?
- Yeah, I saw it.
So, then you understand
why I can't do the panel.
Okay, whatever.
Wait, I'm sorry.
Did you like the movie?
Yeah, I liked it.
I thought it was good.
You thought it was good?
I thought the cast was good,
I liked the writing.
You liked the writing?
Relax, okay?
I don't watch movies
like you guys watch movies.
- You mean lucidly?
- With the tiniest amount of discernment.
No, with a giant stick up my ass.
I watch movies for pure entertainment.
That's it.
You look cute
and I'm so turned off by you right now.
You know what I liked about it,
is you just don't see black characters
in movies like that.
Oh, my God!
Dad, I just want you to know
that when you guys split up,
I'm going with you.
This is why you're my favorite.
Okay, what was so bad about that movie?
You know what, Par Par?
You wanna take this one?
You know I do.
Uh, first of all,
there was five characters named Bobby.
For the entire 25-minute Roscoe wait,
I broke down everything
that was wrong with the movie.
Exactly.
From the story being contrived,
to story holes,
to plot points missed, to lazy direction.
I think, at one point,
I said anyone involved in the film
should be set on fire,
man, woman, or child.
- Dad.
- What's up?
- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.
There's this girl at school, and...
- Hold on.
- Never mind.
No.
Go.
I want to hear it.
Okay, so, there's this girl at school
and I really like her.
- Yo, Dad, you have to this.
- got a 99 on Rotten Tomatoes.
Hold on. What? Oh, my God. Move, dude.
Move! What's this? Look!
- What is happening?
- I... I don't know.
A 99 for?
- Yeah. Okay, the consensus...
- Dad...
- Dude. Fall back.
- Can you give me a second, bud?
Please. Just one second.
Okay. The consensus is that
it's a game-changing tour de force
of radical poignancy
that America needs right now.
What?
They're basically saying
it's a perfect movie.
They're not basically saying it, Dad.
They're saying it.
What... What did The Godfather get?
A 98.
What did Godfather II get?
A 97.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Hold on, what did Heat get?
Heat got an 86.
Heat got less than?
- Heat?
- Yeah. That's what I'm saying.
A movie with maybe the greatest
ten minutes in the history of cinema?
Go!
What is going on?
I don't know. I have no idea.
- Dryan.
- Dad.
Bud, you got to give me a second.
Okay, bud?
Seriously, I was winning anyway.
Yo, have you seen?
Is your assistant on the line?
Yo, man, between me and you,
I have seen it and it is not it.
Am I a hater?
Okay.
Peace.
So, while Dad tried to find answers
Mom was stumbling into some questions.
Oh, Stink! You look so cute!
What's this?
"Five things I love about myself:
hooper, sister,
straight-A student,
sneaker enthusiast, boss."
Well, you know where you get that from.
Stink.
Did you put "boss"
because you take after your mama?
What are you the boss of?
Right.
Stink...
I hate to be this person, but...
did... did you, I don't know,
maybe leave out a word
that you would use to describe yourself?
I don't know, what?
You're black, sweetie.
- Well, I mean, I guess.
- You guess?
What... what are you guys doing?
We're dancing.
- No, you are not.
- I'm doing the Orange Justice.
I'm flossing, y'all!
Me too!
Fuck.
I crippled my kids.
Not only do they not identify as black,
even worse, they can't dance.
Not being able to dance
is worse than not identifying as black?
Cut the shit, Drea. Okay?
I'm not in the mood.
I know you forget this from time to time,
but your mother is not 100% black.
Mom, you're the blackest person I know.
You're black
when you don't even need to be black.
I've got a tall caramel frappe
for a Black Joya?
Oh, that's me.
That's mine. I'm Black Joya.
What?
You don't understand, okay?
When you are mixed,
you are constantly tested
on your blackness.
How many pairs of bamboo earrings
do you have?
What's your favorite episode of Martin?
Name the Fab Five. Name the Jackson 5.
Name the Central Park 5.
Name all the members of the Wayans family.
Do you know? No.
It doesn't matter
'cause you're not mixed.
Chick-fil-A or Popeye's?
A.1. or Lawry's?
Can You Stand the Rain
or Can You Stop the Rain?
These are important questions.
Whoa!
Yeah, exactly, whoa.
And if you know how to dance,
it gets people off your back immediately.
That's currency.
Can your mom dance?
Sure.
Can you also see her
mouthing the beat count?
Also sure.
That son of a bitch.
He's talking shit about my dancing?
Why does this bother you so much?
Because he doesn't dance,
he does the two-step.
He just goes from one side to another...
Not the two-step, Mom.
The fact that your kids can't dance.
Because I am their mother.
Okay? And it is my job
to send them out into the world
with a toolbox filled
with things that they will need
and they could pull out
whenever they want,
and this is currency. They need currency.
Do you know what I'm saying?
I... I think you just said
what you're saying.
So you get that they need things
in their toolbox right now.
They need currency...
- I got it, Mom. I got it.
- ...to pull out.
I want them to have that in there
so they can pull it out when they need it.
Okay, crazy!
Space Jam got a 35%.
Can you believe this shit?
Kenya.
We have a problem.
Yeah, with Space Jam, 35%.
Michael Jordan fighting aliens, 35%.
Top Gun?
Fifty-five percent.
Maverick, Goose, Goose dies.
No. No, no, no.
We... We're having a barbecue.
- We have to have a barbecue.
- Okay.
Okay? A black barbecue.
- What?
- With just your family.
O... Okay, why just my family?
Because my family is the problem!
You guys heard that?
Don't do that.
- I'm just saying.
- This is important.
Okay, we're having a black barbecue
with my family
because your family's the problem.
Hey! Hey, stop this right now.
Put the guns...
At least if you're gonna shoot a gun,
shoot it like that.
Like that. Mm.
Have you ever seen Boyz n the Hood?
Let's go.
Kids, I need you to put that Oculus up.
- Why?
- That thing's not released yet.
It might as well be a bag
of Colombian dope.
What my dad is doing right now
is both despicable and brilliant,
which probably describes
the man I love to a T.
He's hiding everything he cares about
before his family shows up.
Chlo,
can you put the ride
in the neighbor's yard?
- What about the Rover?
- You think we should move the Range?
I mean, it is the Autobiography.
Goddamn it, that's why you're my favorite.
Danny! What the fuck are you doing, dude?
I'm taking all your art down.
- Why?
- Because it's valuable.
Fucking brilliant, man.
Babe?
Is there a reason
that the laptops are in the dryer?
You are so mixed.
What?
- Ridiculous.
- ♪ Drums please! ♪
If you haven't gotten it by now,
my dad doesn't love
being around his family.
We see them three times a year
and they live 15 miles away.
I mean, I know they're from Inglewood
and all,
but he acts like we've never seen
a Crenshaw hoodie or Nissan Maxima.
The sad part is,
I actually really like all of them.
Okay, so there's cousin Harold.
Ex-gangster turned...
We're not sure yet.
What's up, cuz?
Hey, let me holla at you real quick.
No, I'm not gonna sell you any of my pee.
So, what, you just about to flush it
down the toilet for free?
That ain't good business.
I know your pop's got money,
but you gotta think smart, cuz.
I'm trying to put you on the game.
Hey, look, I'm...
There's Uncle Ray, who,
for some reason,
is impressed by everything.
I wanna ask y'all,
how many of these water bottles
do y'all have?
Just, like, enough for everybody.
Like, everybody
get their own water bottle?
- Yeah.
- That's crazy.
♪ School is out
And there's sort of a buzz ♪
There's Uncle Ray's daughter,
Simone.
What you looking at?
Uh, I was just saying hi.
I've never seen someone have
such an adverse reaction to eye contact.
I swear to God, keep looking at me.
- Trying it today.
- Okay.
It's nice... nice talking to you too.
And then there's Aunt Nadine.
Sweet as pie.
Oh, hey, baby girl. Um...
Top this off for me, all right?
But also drunk as fuck.
What are you drinking?
Well, I usually only do brown liquor.
- Okay.
- Or vodka.
Or tequila.
- Okay.
- Or gin.
Gin, I mean, just, yeah.
Don't put too much ice in it.
I don't like it watered down.
And then there's my grandpa.
Stone cold player. Smooth.
- How you doing, darling?
- Hi, Grandpa.
Looks like he probably sung "Stand by Me."
That's my granddaughter.
She's beautiful and smart.
- What's up, love?
- Hey, girl.
I followed you on Instagram.
I can't get a "follow" back?
That's my grandpa's girlfriend, Tashina.
I got you.
Could be 28, could be 45.
Either way, it's gross.
Hey, Grams!
Grams is my favorite
because she always says
exactly what's on her mind.
The yard's a mess.
See, that's what your Daddy gets
for letting all the De La Hoyas
do the work,
you know what I'm saying?
Which is sometimes too much.
Could have used Peewee
right in the neighborhood.
Peewee's Yard Sowing and Hoeing.
You know I'm talking about...
Not that kind of hoeing!
- Oh, I'm tripping.
- Come on now.
I see you got your titties.
To be fair,
my whole family is a lot.
- Fast. Fast.
- They're not fast.
- They are fast.
- That's their momma's side.
I know.
But I wouldn't trade any of them.
And as much as he won't admit it,
my dad wouldn't either.
- Hey, what's up, cuz?
- Yo, what's up, Harold?
Shit, hey, let me ask you.
- You change your number?
- Naw, no.
You sure?
No, I don't think so.
I might be tripping.
Let me see your phone real quick?
Let me just call my phone and make sure...
I changed it. I changed it.
- Can't be doing that, cuz.
- I...
At least, notify a nigga,
know what I mean?
All right. That's my bad, dog.
It's all good. Look, though.
- I wanna holler at you about something.
- Oh. Okay.
Look, my life, that shit like a movie.
No, man, I ain't even just talking.
That shit a movie, my nigga.
Who better else than to tell my story
than family, know what I mean?
- You ain't gonna fuck it up.
- No.
So let me put you onto what it's about.
It's a nigga, right?
Like, a real nigga.
Sometimes they have like Taye Diggs
as a nigga. He ain't no nigga.
- Right.
- A nigga like me, you know what I mean?
- Exactly like you.
- Hot like me, right?
- I could be in it.
- You should play this, right.
- Nigga, exactly. I ain't even gotta act.
- Right.
- Nigga, it ain't even acting.
- Right.
I just exist in that shit.
Know what I mean?
Nigga Netflix movie.
Me on the cover like this. Gangster shit.
Know what I mean?
They got a whole audience.
Niggas in the hood.
Niggas in penitentiary.
They got Netflix in penitentiary?
- Probably.
- They should.
- They should.
- That's perfect, though.
Matter of fact, I could be a producer too,
'cause I know how that shit in my life is.
Who gonna tell the story
better than me and you?
- Nobody.
- Could eat off it too.
We could do that shit together.
Yeah, we could build off that.
I know you got the plug, the connect.
So you got a gangsta with a wig on,
that eliminates the whole stigma
of toxic masculinity
in the African-American community.
- They eat that shit up in Hollywood.
- Hold on, hold on, dawg.
So, you want to do a comedy
- about a Crip dude...
- Right.
- ...from the '60s...
- Okay.
...that pretends to be a female Blood
from Inglewood Family?
- No, from Compton Piru.
- Right.
Yup. And the only reason he get in,
pull up on the enemy and you hear,
"Pow! Pow! Pow!" Let loose in that bitch.
So it's a plan to,
like, infiltrate from within.
- Precisely, cuz.
- Got it.
It's like Deep Cover meets Juwanna Mann.
Right. Of course.
Hold on, did you like Juwanna Mann?
Hell, yeah.
This nigga wanted so passionately
to be in the NBA
that he put on a wig and...
I understand the conceit of Juwanna Mann.
I get it.
- So you know why that shit hard.
- No.
Nigga, it's your classic comedy
about a man putting on a wig.
Tootsie.
Some Like It Hot.
Nigga, Mrs. Doubtfire.
Rest in peace, Robin Williams.
Dawg, those are fucking classics.
Like, bangers.
Why? 'Cause they white?
Them shits ain't nothing
but white Juwanna Manns.
Damn.
Hmm. I fucked you up with that one, huh?
A little bit.
Yep, that's what I do, cuz.
I told you my shit hard.
So how should I proceed?
How should I move forward?
What? Proceed?
So we can move forward
with the whole process.
A nigga like you, you probably got
a white boy on the payroll.
Who the white nigga I gotta email?
- Email Danny.
- Danny.
You got a laptop?
I can go to the library.
Nigga, I'm hungry!
I'm willing to do anything.
Nigga, I'll put this shit on a pigeon
and fly that bitch to Danny.
I'm ready to work, cuz.
- You hear me?
- All right.
- I'll handwrite the nigga.
- Email me.
I'mma email... I'mma email Danny!
- White Juwanna Mann.
- White Juwanna Mann. Gangster shit.
Nigga, I'mma pull up in the Oscars
with a motherfuckin' track suit on, nigga.
I wanna thank the homies, the whole set.
Yeah, family, he ain't about to be
the only nigga in here making money!
I'mma put on all y'all lil' niggas.
Old motherfuckers too
if y'all still alive.
♪ I've become addicted to the fast life ♪
♪ Make sure that the money
In the bag right ♪
♪ I live on the edge in the deep end ♪
Guys, come here quick. Please.
Quick!
Quick, look.
- Do you see your cousin Tre dancing?
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah, he's, like, literally
the only one dancing.
This is important, okay?
Look how hard he's riding that beat.
Go in there. Go in there. Go dance!
Nope.
♪ I live on the edge on the deep end
l Iive on the edge on the deep end ♪
♪ On the 10
Doing 100 in the Lambo ♪
♪ Backseat looking like Rambo ♪
I'd call them back if I were you.
Guys! Come back. Come back. Kam!
Come back.
No, we're good.
Hey, man, nephew.
You know,
I don't mean to be disrespectful,
by eating all your food, man.
And, you know, looking at your wife.
- What?
- Yeah, man.
What are you talking about?
Why you looking at my wife?
I mean, but no disrespect,
but you are acting a little white lately.
What?
Yeah. I gotta say that.
- Don't do that, Dad. That's not cool.
- Real mayonnaise.
Acting like one of them white newscasters
that be on Channel 6.
I'm acting white
because I feel like a good movie
shouldn't get the same review
as a bad movie?
You know what I'm saying,
like, I literally saw
get six points higher than Titanic,
which is obviously the better movie.
- Better to who?
- What?
Who's it better to?
- What do you mean?
- Who gives a fuck about Titanic?
Titanic wasn't nothing
but Romeo and Juliet
- on a nasty-ass boat that sank.
- Straight up.
Unc, I was saying that same shit
about Juwanna Mann.
- Oh, my God.
- Man, I love that Juwanna Mann.
- You do?
- I saw it again last week.
- That shit hard.
- I'm telling you.
All Juwanna Mann is... is Tootsie.
- Exactly.
- Tootsie!
That brother should have been
the next Brad Pitt. I'm telling you.
What is happening right now?
He played a woman and a man
at the same time. And was hooping!
- That brother is talented.
- That's right!
Whatever entertains you,
if it entertains you and you like it,
fuck it! You like it!
Don't tell me what I should like
when I like what I like.
- Come on!
- Fucking bum fights are entertaining.
You wanna sit up
and watch bum fights all day?
I like to see two dusty motherfuckers...
I'd rather watch a bum fight
than that goddamn, what, Citizen Kane!
You'd rather watch bum fights
than Citizen Kane?
- Yeah.
- What the fuck is Citizen Kane?
- What is Citizen Kane?
- I ain't never heard of that shit.
I shouldn't be having this conversation
with you guys.
Citizen Kane is, is, is, is
when some citizens is doing cocaine.
- Come on!
- Yeah, change Rosebud to Snowflake, we in.
Hey!
Now that's a movie I will watch.
Citizen Cocaine.
- Why would you watch that?
- More real than Citizen Kane.
While you're doing this,
you need to go do this.
- What, I got some shit?
- Yes!
There's kids. You should've...
There's kids out here.
Y'all let me walk around like this?
- That's Citizen 'Caine.
- Yeah, well...
So, why...
Why you ain't done nothing
with that Tyler Perry?
- Yeah.
- Um...
We... we might. We might do something.
Oh, wait. Did you see that...
that funeral movie he did?
- Ah!
- Yes!
That was so funny!
Me and your pops saw that thing
and we was screaming the whole time.
You sure it was the movie
making him scream?
I'm going to the bathroom.
Oh, why? You feeling itchy?
Huh?
What's wrong with y'all?
Why y'all so mean to that lady?
What do you expect me to do?
Child's 12 years old.
- I gotta ask y'all a question.
- What?
You saw those Tyler Perry movies.
Did you see Green Book?
- Green Book?
- Green Book.
The movie that won the Oscar last year.
The Academy Award for best picture?
- Who... who was in it?
- I don't know nothing about Green Book.
Can we get it at the Redbox?
I'll look at it.
- We'll look at it.
- Yeah.
I don't know nothing
about no book. A green book?
I'll watch anything you want me to watch.
Yeah, we'll watch it. Is it good?
Why did I make my family watch
that day?
Because I know the one thing they'll do
that Hollywood won't do
is keep it completely real with me.
There's no way in hell
they're gonna like that shit. None.
Trust me.
Oh, my God! Wasn't that good? Wasn't that?
That is the best film
my son has ever made.
That was so good!
I did not see that coming.
Dad, the last movie these people
probably paid to see was Uncle Drew.
Here's the thing, though, Dre Dre. Like...
sometimes, you got to just listen
to the public, hear the people.
You can't always be that quirky, indie,
intellectual girl
who looks down on everybody.
Dad, that movie was not good.
Who are we to decide what's good?
What, you're quoting Uncle Ray now?
I think I gotta do that panel.
I do.
I think I got to do it.
Okay, thoughts.
I loved it.
I mean, serious, it was crazy.
The one car was like...
and the other one was like...
Man, I've never seen no shit
like that before.
What did you guys think?
I thought
it was really interesting, honestly.
Like, super professionally cast.
- Yeah.
- Like paid actors? Yeah.
Well, yeah! They were really good.
They look like they showed up on time.
They knew their lines.
- The lead actress was beautiful.
- Yeah.
- I mean, really pretty.
- The lead actress was beautiful?
Yes, that happens often.
Another thing I noticed is that
a lot of times
they use a small font for the credits,
but these guys used a huge font,
and I loved that.
What the fuck... what is going on, dude?
What did you guys think about the movie?
Did you like it or not?
- Um...
- Well, there was...
See, this is the problem right here, dude.
Dude, why are you afraid to be honest?
I think maybe it has something to do
with the environment you've created.
What? You always...
Look, this is a black movie, man.
And you're black.
Yeah, I am.
This could easily be a set up.
- You're telling me this is not a set up?
- What?
- So is that what this is about?
- Little bit.
You're afraid to talk shit
because this is a black movie?
I don't think I want to hear them
talk shit about a black movie.
Okay.
- That's true.
- That's fair.
Mikayla, you and I need to hang out more.
You smoke?
Mikayla's throwing it at me, right?
I mean, I'm not crazy, right?
Um... I'll keep an eye out for it.
Bet.
Guys, seriously.
One time, complete pass,
no repercussions.
Just be honest,
what the fuck did you think
about the movie?
Who's going first?
- I'm going to do it.
- Now talking.
Of course you are, right?
I did not like it.
I wanted to walk out,
but then I remembered that I was at work.
So I couldn't.
- Okay.
- It's terrible!
The whole conceit is just flawed.
I don't understand why
even brought into this.
- That was crazy, right?
- It made no sense!
It made no sense. Because the movie
was a fucking train wreck.
It was a train wreck,
and, you know,
it was black this and black that,
and I was like,
"Is that supposed to be impressive?"
I've never seen you speak so passionately.
Or wave your head like that. What's that?
What? I... Hey.
Where was that
when I asked the first time?
- Why weren't you just honest?
- I don't know, we're not crazy people.
Like, we can't say that to you, you know?
I'm not black.
I can't speak to the black experience,
but I was pretty sure in that movie,
like, right away, it shit the bed.
And it wasn't that professionally cast.
There were mistakes.
But what about... The driving was dope.
Come on! That's your thing?
- Black people can drive fast?
- Drop it.
So is that it?
Are we saying this is what's happening?
That the critics are white guys like you
and they're afraid to say anything
because they think if they say something,
it'll be like, "We're speaking bad
against a black movie."
So they say, "It's great.
It was amazing."
Yes, exactly.
That's exactly what's happening.
No, look,
I think it's all these movements too.
The #metoo, the #timesup.
- #OscarsSoWhite.
- Yeah.
It's the times we're in, all right.
Everybody's on eggshells.
You can't say anything
about anything ever, you know?
In fact, I shouldn't' even said
what I just said.
Emily, do not write that down.
Where was all this
when fucking New Jack City was going on?
- Right?
- Where was its 99?
'Cause it definitely fucking deserved it.
Okay. Let me just say this.
Is it such a bad thing?
This wave of black film and TV?
Like, does it matter
what scores they get,
as long as they're getting made?
But isn't there a better black filmmaker
that needed their movie to get made
but that movie got made?
- And his film can be made too.
- Sure.
Is there, like, a freedom in,
like, being allowed to make bad movies?
That's what King fought for.
The freedom to make bad movies?
Yes.
You look torn.
I am. Fucking torn.
I thought you said you got it wrong
with this one, though.
Dude, you don't have to be that dude
right now. Seriously.
Can you just please tell me
what you think I should do?
Well, unlike you,
I would have been honest from the jump
and said, "This movie is garbage,
and I cannot endorse it
because I'm not
in the garbage-endorsing business."
The world's going to kick you in your jaw.
Seriously, just jump up
and just roundhouse you.
You'll see.
My dad was obviously
in the weeds on this
and looking for more clarity
on white critics and black cinema.
So we went to New York to track down
a pretty reliable source on the matter.
- Yo, this room is fucking dumb, dude.
- I know.
This size in Manhattan?
You think this is on Expedia?
Uh, I don't think so.
How you doing, man?
- Oh!
- Yeah, this is expensive. How you doing?
Oh my God. It's Tyler Perry.
- What's up man? Good to see you.
- What's up? How are you?
- How are you? Hi, Drea, how are you?
- Hi.
- Good, how are you?
- Good.
Good to meet you.
Yo, you are a big motherfucker, man.
Do people know you're this tall?
I'm not sure, but do people know
that you speak this way
in front of your daughter,
using that language?
No, it... it's cool, man. It's just,
you know, you're... you're cool, right?
- Yeah, it's cool.
- Are you really?
No. Not really,
but what am I gonna say? He's my father.
What are you talking about, dude?
You curse at me all the time, dude.
You told me to go fuck myself
on the cab ride over here.
Yeah, because you told me you and Mom
were thinking about aborting me.
- Kenya.
- No, I didn't say that.
I said me and your mom
visited a few abortion clinics
while we were pregnant,
but it worked out.
Wow. I am never raising my kid in LA.
That is crazy,
y'all talk to each other like that.
- Wow.
- No... This is my baby.
It's kinda our thing.
We have a special relationship. It's...
Yes. One that's totally devoid of respect.
I get it.
Hey, I gonna talk to your dad.
Help yourself.
There's some great stuff over there.
Okay, come on. come on. Let's talk.
Do you mind?
- That's from over there?
- Yeah.
Yeah, I kind of do.
- Really?
- Why you looking around the room?
Really, yeah. Them motherfucking chips
are $35 a bag!
- What?
- Yes.
What kind of potatoes are damn $35?
I need to go to Idaho
and find that fucking potato.
- I kinda already opened it.
- Just...
Go ahead, Kenya.
What's going on, man? Tell me.
I mean...
I feel like you have figured out
the beat of your own drum
and that's what you dance to,
and it works for you
and you don't seem like you care.
I don't.
I don't know how to do it, man.
I feel like I really care
what white people think.
I think I care, like, a lot.
I care what everybody thinks.
To be honest with you, I feel like that's
almost all I care about, it seems like.
What other people think.
That's really sad, man.
It's a sad existence.
It's not... It's not a great life.
It seems like every time I do a project,
the first thing I do after the project
comes out is go to Rotten Tomatoes.
Let me tell you about them tomatoes.
- I don't fuck with them.
- With tomatoes?
I don't give a damn about it,
rotten or fresh.
None of that means shit to me.
That's amazing.
What about critics?
I don't give a fuck.
I guess... that's amazing.
Can I just tell you why?
Let me tell you why.
- Please.
- Because... Listen, man.
I know that I'm telling stories
that my folks want to see.
I'm talking from our point of view,
we're speaking a language,
we're speaking a shorthand that we get
that white people don't necessarily get.
Nina Simone said this
and I never forgot it. She said,
"You will use up everything you got
trying to give everybody what they want."
You got to focus, man.
You know what I do?
I super-serve my niche.
We speak a language. We're talking.
We know each other. We get it.
There's a lot of times I see shit
that win Oscars and I be like,
"What is this shit?" I walked out
halfway through it. I don't get it.
And listen, I feel like they feel
the same way about my work.
They don't get it, which is all cool.
My mother,
born in Jim Crow south in Louisiana,
down the street from Mississippi
where Emmett Till was murdered.
She told me the value of being who I am,
of my blackness.
She said, "Don't you ever let anybody
tell you who you are.
You know who you are,
you know where you come from."
I watched her stories, her struggles,
and that's what I'm telling.
I'm telling the stories that I come from,
and that's why they're winning,
because people are recognizing
themselves in these stories.
No matter how crass people think they are,
no matter what the critics say,
"Oh, I don't get this shit.
I don't understand what it is."
I don't give a fuck
because I'm talking to us.
That's why millions of people
are watching my shows every week,
that's why people keep showing up
and sending the movies to number one.
I'm talking to us, connecting with us.
You know what I'm saying?
Let me tell you what you're doing.
Trying to get them to approve you.
That's what I don't get.
Why are niggas running around
to get white folks...
"Please tell me I'm special.
Oh, give me your Oscar.
Let me know I'm all these things
that you want me to be."
Fuck that. Tell your story,
live in your own life
and your own culture.
Tell your own experience.
Can't nobody tell you how to be you.
You hear what I'm saying?
- I do, man.
- Good.
- I really... really fucking do.
- Good.
Thanks, Tyler Perry.
You're welcome, Kenya Barris.
- We doing government names?
- I just felt like it was a special moment.
Yeah. All right.
You done?
God, these chips
are phenomenal, dog. Seriously.
I guess I'll never know.
Yo, have you seen yet?
Yo, is your assistant on the line?
Can... can she clear the line?
Thanks, Alex.
Yo, between me and you,
that shit is trash, dawg.
Like trash-trash.
Is it my fault?
Okay, everything's your fault,
so you're gonna have to be more specific.
- Is it my fault that they can't dance?
- Oh, of course it's your fault.
You're the whitest person I know.
What? Don't...
You're the whitest person I know.
- That's such a white clapback.
- You're a white clapback.
- Great. That was... Wow.
- That was not good, I know. I know.
- Hey.
- Let me call you right back, dawg.
Do you think it's my fault
that the kids can't dance?
I don't have any time
for this right now, babe.
Why? What's going on?
This panel shit's got me fucked up, man.
- Why?
- Because,
first I was gonna do it,
then I wasn't gonna do it,
but now I'm thinking maybe I should do it.
You need to stop messing around
and just do that goddamn panel.
What? This is serious.
Why you playing around? This is serious.
You know what's serious? That your house
has a crack in its foundation.
- That's serious.
- Cracks are bad.
We have a huge crack,
and you are riding that wave right now
just like.
- So, I suggest you play the game.
- What?
You go to the panel,
you do all the things to keep it up
because I want to make sure
that this beautiful, overpriced home
doesn't deteriorate,
which could kind of happen any day.
You think I'm riding
some kind of black wave?
Yeah, it's a good thing.
- No, it's not!
- We should be celebrating.
Jesus Christ, dude.
Is nobody keeping it real with me?
Like, is everybody just thinking
I'm on this wave too?
Am I trash and nobody will tell...
Do you think I'm trash?
What? No! No.
As a black woman, which I am,
I support everything
and anything you do.
#supporteverythingblack.
What? Hashtag support ev...
What is... what is that?
What do you mean, what is that?
- What is...
- #supporteverythingblack.
- It's a thing.
- It's not a thing.
- Chlo.
- What?
- #supporteverythingblack?
- It's definitely a thing.
I feel like she's been stealing
money out of my wallet.
She might have been,
but she knows what's up culturally.
Dude.
I'm trash.
It's one thing for white critics
to be scared of me,
but it's a completely 'nother
for my people
to only mess with me
because they feel like they have to.
Last five years of my life,
I've pretty much killed myself.
Is any of it real?
The deals...
the awards...
♪ I wanna know what love is ♪
Is it all just bullshit?
Why does it matter?
Why does it matter?
Babe, as a writer, it's all that matters.
You're constantly wondering
if you're a fraud,
or if you're just running around
fooling everybody.
So what,
you think you're fooling everyone?
No. I don't know.
Maybe.
- I just know we got to fix this.
- Fix what?
The system. It's broken.
Or maybe we can figure out
some kind of high council that
makes informed and educated decisions
on everything black.
- A high council?
- I don't know what I'm saying.
Maybe I sound crazy,
but we gotta figure out some way
to police our own work. We have to.
We have to.
And wouldn't you know,
my dad, like he's done
a million times before this,
was able to say something
completely insane
and somehow see it through.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, KB. What's up, dog?
- What up, what up?
- We here.
Thank you guys all so much, seriously,
for hopping on this call.
It means a lot. I know you guys
are all super busy. Thank you.
Was this a choice?
'Cause it really didn't feel like it.
You've been mad aggressive
with the calls lately.
Um...
Okay, I mean, I tried you 12 times
before I got a call back.
I actually can't believe
you got all of us together.
It's an incredibly talented
group of people.
It kinda feels like history in the making.
Okay, I don't know why everything
has to be about history with you, Ava.
I think you're gonna actually
see this call
is much less historical
than you think it's gonna be.
So, Kenya, what are you trying to do?
Start a Black Illuminati or something?
I promise you, it's not what I'm doing.
Dude, that shit already exists, man.
Jay-Z and Swizz Beatz started that shit.
- Okay, Lena.
- Oh, okay.
I'm... I'm not lying.
I've been to some of the meetings.
- It's like a real thing.
- How you get invited?
Like, they have meetings and stuff.
You get free haircuts.
Jordans the day they come out,
you know what I mean?
You get, like, clear skin,
a year's supply of shea butter.
Like, you always get a first-class seat
on Virgin Airlines.
It's a real situation.
They got actual Black Illuminati cards.
Guys, can we kinda...
It doubles as a key to your Tesla.
- Lena, come on, man.
- I'm real!
Can we get back
to what this call was about?
Did you guys see that link I sent you
with the movie?
What did you think?
Who did it?
So it was pretty good. Pretty good.
Yeah, I agree.
It was, it was... it was cool.
I'm going to stop you right there.
That shit was not cool.
There was nothing cool about that movie.
You guys know it. Dude, come on!
You know what I'm saying?
How are we ever going to get better
if this is how we are with each other?
We have to be able to talk honestly
if we want our art to progress.
We do it all the time with white stuff.
Why can't we do it with our own stuff?
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I don't know,
like, if I asked you
what you thought about Green Book.
No. Please don't bring up that movie.
Oh, all right.
Okay, Ava.
Happy for Mahershala, though.
Happy for Mahershala.
Always happy for Mahershala,
uh, but let's keep talking,
let's keep that kind of loose environment.
We're feeling real. That felt real.
Let's go on that. Let's go that route.
- Um, Iss...
- Huh?
I happen to really, really enjoy Insecure.
It's a good show.
What do you think
about my show, Black-ish?
Oh! Uh...
It's fine.
Fine?
Yeah, I mean, it's...
It's for families.
I love black families, so...
Uh-huh.
I mean, I think some of your episodes
could use some story-structure help
in the third act...
Because fucking Wrinkle in Time
was so ground-breaking?
I'm sorry, you know the innermost feelings
of nine-year-old girls?
- I'm sorry.
- I wouldn't put it past him, Ava.
Black-ish seems to tap into the hearts
and minds of 55-year-old white women.
That's very funny, Tim.
Guess it was no Ride Along 2, though.
Whoa. Is that what we're doing now?
We're setting people up?
Dude, nobody's setting you up.
I'm just saying. Come on man,
admit it was a money grab.
We all do money grabs. Come on.
Will, back me up.
You're the king of money grabs.
Back you up how, dude?
Uh, first of all, you got 7,000 projects
in development right now.
You literally say no to nothing.
I probably would have said no
to Night School.
Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
First of all, you didn't get asked
to write Night School.
Second of all, uh, Night School made
a hundred million dollars,
- so you'd been sayin' no to that, sir.
- Preach.
Maybe if they had called it
"Night School-ish."
Ha-ha. That's very funny, Tim.
Yo, Tim, good one.
Hey, Tim, you know what?
I'm about to hit you offline right now.
We need to talk writer ideas,
'cause my Girls Trip 2 writer
just fell out.
- I'm the writer for Girls Trip 2.
- I'll hit you right now.
Yeah. We should hang up on him.
All right.
Okay.
Now that I guess we've gotten through
that first round of bonding
over mutual disdain of my career,
maybe we can talk about some other stuff.
Can we talk about how we feel about Power?
People wanna talk about Power?
Kenya, this is not what I signed up for.
This is not constructive, brother.
This is not positive.
This is not the beautiful
gathering I thought it would be.
Um, I'm... I'm good. Thank you.
Have a good hot mess of a...
whatever you're doing here.
Goodbye.
You know what? I'm out too.
Will and Tim are calling and they're
probably talking shit about you,
so I want to join that. Bye!
Could you...
Guess it's just me and you, Lena.
That was definitely shots fired, bro.
I got... That shit cut me,
you know what I'm saying?
Like, I like Black-ish, you know
what I'm saying, sometimes.
- But look, I think you're right.
- What?
We gotta talk about this shit, bro.
You've got a point.
I don't like to admit that,
'cause you're crazy,
but you got a point on this one, bro.
You do.
The dude that made Grown-ish and Black-ish
and Mixed-ish
is actually making the points-ish.
- Look bro, when's the panel?
- It's tomorrow night.
Okay, that is very last-minute.
I, um... I don't...
You know what?
Okay, I'mma cancel something.
I'mma cancel something.
I'mma cancel something.
- I'mma come. I'mma come.
- Are you serious?
- I'll do it with you.
- My God, thank you, Lena Waithe.
- Thank you.
- Yeah. But look, look,
we got to be honest, though.
We're gonna talk real.
We ain't gonna lie no more.
- Wow!
- If somebody gonna tell the truth,
I guess it's gotta be me.
I'm that motherfucker.
I already done stepped in it
with Will and Denzel.
I've apologized. We're cool now.
I'm willing, I'll take the hit.
I'll take the hit.
The black, masculine-presenting lesbian
will take the motherfucking hit.
Let's go, Kenya. Let's go. It's go time.
So, in the spirit
of my dad and Lena keeping it real,
I figured I'd do the same
by showing the director's face.
I was ready
to let the chips fall where they may.
Ready to see history made.
- Congrats.
- Thank you.
Thank you guys for coming tonight.
Um, thank you, Lena, for joining with me.
Um...
I can jump in if you want.
- Whatever.
- Okay. Cool.
I'm just gonna, I'mma get right to it.
So, the ending...
What were you going for
with your ending?
Um, I would say... I would argue that, uh,
the ending, it's a commentary
on the social injustices
that we, as black people, face
post-civil rights,
where every other marginalized group
in this country
has made tremendous strides forward,
but we...
we tend to be straggling behind.
The imagery of a black man
playing a trumpet
on top of a cotton gin,
that ties earlier
to the imagery of the record player
playing the same song
that the trumpet player was playing
at the end of the film.
And, if you remember, uh, in minute 72,
you see that pair of tap shoes,
the same pair of tap shoes that
the main character, the protagonist,
had been saving up for the entire film.
They don't think I should have called
the ship the SS Diabetes.
They felt like that was on the nose.
So, if black joy
is used to tell the story
of a tap-dancing fry cook
on the Death Star,
then let it be known.
So that's what the ending was about.
Hmm.
Wow.
- Yeah.
- Um...
But I think the thing
that I'm wondering is, like,
at what point do you feel like
any of that was a part of the movie?
Because I'll be honest with you,
it felt a little bit scattered and...
unfocused and...
kinda pedestrian?
No offense.
Oh. Okay. Uh...
Don't insult it three times
and then say "no offense."
Scattered and pedestrian?
I think this is the issue.
Okay, well, clearly
you didn't like it, right?
I'm... I'm not saying I didn't like it.
You had problems with it.
You're taking issue to it.
Lena, you know what?
You have any questions?
I would love to hear...
I would love to hear what you thought.
Me and Lena talked, all right?
She has some things to say,
but I mean...
If I could, you know, interject.
- Uh, I mean...
- Please. Thank you.
To be honest...
I liked it.
You know what I mean?
I think you're saying a lot in the movie.
It's a lot of movie.
We're not used to seeing ourselves
in these kind of roles,
but ultimately,
this is an important film.
- It is?
- It's a film we need to see.
Kenya, we gotta root for black people.
We gotta support each other.
At least in public, you know what I mean?
We need black unity.
Yeah, yeah.
Lena Waithe, everybody.
The future right here.
The future of black cinema, man.
Oh. All right. We'll see.
Kenya, we'll talk. We'll talk after.
- I don't think that's necessary.
- Okay.
- How'd it go?
- I told him how I felt.
God.
That's exactly the opposite
of what I told you to do.
Yeah.
Dude, the only reason I said anything
or even care about any of this
is 'cause I'm, you know,
I am, dude, I'm hard on myself.
I feel like I'm coming at him
the way I'd want him to come at me.
If he had something to say about Black-ish
or this or that,
I feel like I'd want to hear it,
and that's the reason I want to tell him
the honest truth about his thing.
I want him to be not just
a great black director,
or I want to be
not just a great black writer,
I want to be a great writer who's black.
Why can't you just be
with other black people
and enjoy the success
that you all collectively have?
Because the only way
that we're going to keep each other
in the conversation
is to really police each other,
because we're right now
in this thing where
white people
aren't gonna be honest with us.
They're either gonna celebrate us publicly
because that's what's hip right now,
or secretly, behind the closed doors,
wait for our demise.
So we have to sort of tell each other
the truth.
That's the only way we get better.
I don't know if that's our job.
That certainly doesn't feel like my job.
Whatever my job is,
I have not done a good job.
- We failed.
- Yeah.
We both failed.
I mean... you a little bit more than me.
I think you failed worse than me.
At least mine's not about money.
- How big is the crack?
- It's big.
Let's pray to God
we don't have an earthquake, you know?
You know, I don't say this a lot, but...
I'm proud of my dad.
I really am.
You know, he put it all on the line.
Most people wouldn't have the balls
to do that.
Probably for good reason, though.
Man might have ruined his career.
It's fine.
I didn't think
he'd make it this far anyway.
No one did.
♪ I got, I got, I got, I got
Loyalty, got royalty ♪
♪ Inside my DNA ♪
♪ Cocaine quarter piece, got war and peace
Inside my DNA ♪
♪ I got power, poison, pain and joy
Inside my DNA ♪
♪ I got hustle, though, ambition, flow
Inside my DNA ♪
♪ I was born like this
Since one like this ♪
♪ Immaculate conception ♪
♪ I transform like this, perform like this
Was Yeshua's new weapon ♪
♪ I don't contemplate, I meditate,
Then off your fucking head ♪
to do in life
is play an instrument
and sing at the same time.
Another really hard thing to do
is separate the art from the artist.
It's especially hard when you're black.
We don't have as many icons,
so it hurts a little more
when one of ours goes down,
but that's the thing about being black.
You get used to things
being taken from you,
which is ironic,
seeing as we invented
the home security system.
Not that one.
Not that one, either.
Yeah, that one. The one with the buttons.
Hey, big ups to Marie Van Brittan Brown,
by the way.
♪ Sex, money, murder, our DNA ♪
Well, thank you for taking the time
from your video shoot
to do this interview, Dad.
Come on, you're a TV writer.
You look ridiculous.
- You look like a blind drug dealer.
- Okay.
Just...
Please ask me your question.
Such a hater, dude.
- Fucking hater.
- Okay. So, Dad...
- Yes.
- ...I wanted to talk to you
about how black people in this country
always seem to be on guard.
It's because of slavery.
- Yes. I know that part.
- Okay.
I'm trying to get to the bottom
of something else here.
No, I know. Whatever question you ask me,
the answer's gonna be
"because of slavery."
So, yes, I can do this all day.
Anything.
You know what I'm saying?
Why do we like that? Why do we eat this?
I can trace it back... It's my North Star.
It's the thing that guides me in life.
So, is the reason why you're wearing
a Mr. T level amount of jewelry
because of slavery too?
Such a hater. Yeah, hater.
It's a Pusha T level of jewelry,
but yeah, it is.
You know, our chains that we used to wear,
remember those?
Those were made out of, like,
fucked up, like, old...
train tracks and shit.
You know what I'm saying?
So now,
they're made out of gold and diamonds
and... and rose gold.
So yeah, so... take that, slavery.
Wow, you're really trying to justify
spending my trust fund.
Just tell me, is there anything left?
You know what? Don't answer that.
- Okay, just... just humor here please.
- Okay.
Is it just me or do people
in your generation
really seem to look out
for one another?
Um...
Dad?
- Oh, my God.
- Hello?
Shit!
They don't have it in my size.
- I'm gonna buy it anyway.
- Are you shopping?
Oh, my God.
And just like that,
I'd lost him, to a Mr Porter sale.
And who would shop low to high?
It's high to low.
And in between him cursing the fact
that they didn't have his size
in a Sacai velour-lined track pant
and him wondering
what the shoe conversion chart
was for the UK,
I eventually just gave up.
That is, until he dragged me and my mom
to an advanced screening
of a new black film,
directed by a black director.
So the audience
clearly liked this movie.
And me and my dad clearly did not.
What... the FUCK... is happening?
♪ You either with me or against me, ho ♪
♪ Ho ♪
♪ You either with me or ♪
♪ Wait ♪
♪ Win, win, win, win, win ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Fuck everything else
Win, win, win, win ♪
♪ Win, yeah ♪
Let's go!
Let's go, let's go now!
- Crazy, right? I mean...
- That was so crazy. Crazy.
Whoo!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- Yo! Game changer, right?
- Yo!
Yeah, the game
has definitely been changed.
- I mean, fucking fuck!
- Yeah.
It was like a tour de force
of radical poignancy.
- This was.
- A hundred percent.
- Yes.
- Hey, Kenya, this is the type of film
- people need to see right now.
- This... is.
- A hundred percent.
- Yeah, one hundred...
Everybody's so juiced
that you are doing the panel next week.
- Everybody knows?
- Everybody. It's gonna be litty!
- Litty. So every... so everybody knows?
- My guy!
- A hundred percent everybody.
- Okay.
So, the director of this film
asked my dad to introduce it
in front of an audience
of peers, critics and fans
and then, like, lead a Q&A afterwards.
My dad agreed.
My dad agrees to everything.
I just heard he's doing
a David Alan Grier biopic.
It's basically the Buckwheat prequel.
It's going down. You gonna be there?
- Okay.
- My guy!
We have to... My guy.
Oh. And if you've noticed,
I'm bleeping out the names
of any actual artists or artists' work
due to the fact
that my dad is in this industry,
and it's how he takes care
of my mother and five siblings.
Also, I hope to one day be
in the business myself,
and I'd rather not have to change
my entire name.
- Hey, hey, hey! Hit me.
- We... No, my guy, we have to go right now.
It's called Lawyer, Wife, Mother of Six.
It got into Stedman's hands,
so it's like one step away.
But I'll let you know.
- I'll hit you up on DM.
- Okay. She will.
- Why are you rushing me? Damn!
- We have to go.
- We have that thing.
- What thing?
That thing we have to go to.
You cannot do that panel, Dad.
- I definitely can't do that panel, right?
- No.
Wait, why can't you do the panel?
- Did you see the movie?
- Yeah, I saw it.
So, then you understand
why I can't do the panel.
Okay, whatever.
Wait, I'm sorry.
Did you like the movie?
Yeah, I liked it.
I thought it was good.
You thought it was good?
I thought the cast was good,
I liked the writing.
You liked the writing?
Relax, okay?
I don't watch movies
like you guys watch movies.
- You mean lucidly?
- With the tiniest amount of discernment.
No, with a giant stick up my ass.
I watch movies for pure entertainment.
That's it.
You look cute
and I'm so turned off by you right now.
You know what I liked about it,
is you just don't see black characters
in movies like that.
Oh, my God!
Dad, I just want you to know
that when you guys split up,
I'm going with you.
This is why you're my favorite.
Okay, what was so bad about that movie?
You know what, Par Par?
You wanna take this one?
You know I do.
Uh, first of all,
there was five characters named Bobby.
For the entire 25-minute Roscoe wait,
I broke down everything
that was wrong with the movie.
Exactly.
From the story being contrived,
to story holes,
to plot points missed, to lazy direction.
I think, at one point,
I said anyone involved in the film
should be set on fire,
man, woman, or child.
- Dad.
- What's up?
- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.
There's this girl at school, and...
- Hold on.
- Never mind.
No.
Go.
I want to hear it.
Okay, so, there's this girl at school
and I really like her.
- Yo, Dad, you have to this.
- got a 99 on Rotten Tomatoes.
Hold on. What? Oh, my God. Move, dude.
Move! What's this? Look!
- What is happening?
- I... I don't know.
A 99 for?
- Yeah. Okay, the consensus...
- Dad...
- Dude. Fall back.
- Can you give me a second, bud?
Please. Just one second.
Okay. The consensus is that
it's a game-changing tour de force
of radical poignancy
that America needs right now.
What?
They're basically saying
it's a perfect movie.
They're not basically saying it, Dad.
They're saying it.
What... What did The Godfather get?
A 98.
What did Godfather II get?
A 97.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Hold on, what did Heat get?
Heat got an 86.
Heat got less than?
- Heat?
- Yeah. That's what I'm saying.
A movie with maybe the greatest
ten minutes in the history of cinema?
Go!
What is going on?
I don't know. I have no idea.
- Dryan.
- Dad.
Bud, you got to give me a second.
Okay, bud?
Seriously, I was winning anyway.
Yo, have you seen?
Is your assistant on the line?
Yo, man, between me and you,
I have seen it and it is not it.
Am I a hater?
Okay.
Peace.
So, while Dad tried to find answers
Mom was stumbling into some questions.
Oh, Stink! You look so cute!
What's this?
"Five things I love about myself:
hooper, sister,
straight-A student,
sneaker enthusiast, boss."
Well, you know where you get that from.
Stink.
Did you put "boss"
because you take after your mama?
What are you the boss of?
Right.
Stink...
I hate to be this person, but...
did... did you, I don't know,
maybe leave out a word
that you would use to describe yourself?
I don't know, what?
You're black, sweetie.
- Well, I mean, I guess.
- You guess?
What... what are you guys doing?
We're dancing.
- No, you are not.
- I'm doing the Orange Justice.
I'm flossing, y'all!
Me too!
Fuck.
I crippled my kids.
Not only do they not identify as black,
even worse, they can't dance.
Not being able to dance
is worse than not identifying as black?
Cut the shit, Drea. Okay?
I'm not in the mood.
I know you forget this from time to time,
but your mother is not 100% black.
Mom, you're the blackest person I know.
You're black
when you don't even need to be black.
I've got a tall caramel frappe
for a Black Joya?
Oh, that's me.
That's mine. I'm Black Joya.
What?
You don't understand, okay?
When you are mixed,
you are constantly tested
on your blackness.
How many pairs of bamboo earrings
do you have?
What's your favorite episode of Martin?
Name the Fab Five. Name the Jackson 5.
Name the Central Park 5.
Name all the members of the Wayans family.
Do you know? No.
It doesn't matter
'cause you're not mixed.
Chick-fil-A or Popeye's?
A.1. or Lawry's?
Can You Stand the Rain
or Can You Stop the Rain?
These are important questions.
Whoa!
Yeah, exactly, whoa.
And if you know how to dance,
it gets people off your back immediately.
That's currency.
Can your mom dance?
Sure.
Can you also see her
mouthing the beat count?
Also sure.
That son of a bitch.
He's talking shit about my dancing?
Why does this bother you so much?
Because he doesn't dance,
he does the two-step.
He just goes from one side to another...
Not the two-step, Mom.
The fact that your kids can't dance.
Because I am their mother.
Okay? And it is my job
to send them out into the world
with a toolbox filled
with things that they will need
and they could pull out
whenever they want,
and this is currency. They need currency.
Do you know what I'm saying?
I... I think you just said
what you're saying.
So you get that they need things
in their toolbox right now.
They need currency...
- I got it, Mom. I got it.
- ...to pull out.
I want them to have that in there
so they can pull it out when they need it.
Okay, crazy!
Space Jam got a 35%.
Can you believe this shit?
Kenya.
We have a problem.
Yeah, with Space Jam, 35%.
Michael Jordan fighting aliens, 35%.
Top Gun?
Fifty-five percent.
Maverick, Goose, Goose dies.
No. No, no, no.
We... We're having a barbecue.
- We have to have a barbecue.
- Okay.
Okay? A black barbecue.
- What?
- With just your family.
O... Okay, why just my family?
Because my family is the problem!
You guys heard that?
Don't do that.
- I'm just saying.
- This is important.
Okay, we're having a black barbecue
with my family
because your family's the problem.
Hey! Hey, stop this right now.
Put the guns...
At least if you're gonna shoot a gun,
shoot it like that.
Like that. Mm.
Have you ever seen Boyz n the Hood?
Let's go.
Kids, I need you to put that Oculus up.
- Why?
- That thing's not released yet.
It might as well be a bag
of Colombian dope.
What my dad is doing right now
is both despicable and brilliant,
which probably describes
the man I love to a T.
He's hiding everything he cares about
before his family shows up.
Chlo,
can you put the ride
in the neighbor's yard?
- What about the Rover?
- You think we should move the Range?
I mean, it is the Autobiography.
Goddamn it, that's why you're my favorite.
Danny! What the fuck are you doing, dude?
I'm taking all your art down.
- Why?
- Because it's valuable.
Fucking brilliant, man.
Babe?
Is there a reason
that the laptops are in the dryer?
You are so mixed.
What?
- Ridiculous.
- ♪ Drums please! ♪
If you haven't gotten it by now,
my dad doesn't love
being around his family.
We see them three times a year
and they live 15 miles away.
I mean, I know they're from Inglewood
and all,
but he acts like we've never seen
a Crenshaw hoodie or Nissan Maxima.
The sad part is,
I actually really like all of them.
Okay, so there's cousin Harold.
Ex-gangster turned...
We're not sure yet.
What's up, cuz?
Hey, let me holla at you real quick.
No, I'm not gonna sell you any of my pee.
So, what, you just about to flush it
down the toilet for free?
That ain't good business.
I know your pop's got money,
but you gotta think smart, cuz.
I'm trying to put you on the game.
Hey, look, I'm...
There's Uncle Ray, who,
for some reason,
is impressed by everything.
I wanna ask y'all,
how many of these water bottles
do y'all have?
Just, like, enough for everybody.
Like, everybody
get their own water bottle?
- Yeah.
- That's crazy.
♪ School is out
And there's sort of a buzz ♪
There's Uncle Ray's daughter,
Simone.
What you looking at?
Uh, I was just saying hi.
I've never seen someone have
such an adverse reaction to eye contact.
I swear to God, keep looking at me.
- Trying it today.
- Okay.
It's nice... nice talking to you too.
And then there's Aunt Nadine.
Sweet as pie.
Oh, hey, baby girl. Um...
Top this off for me, all right?
But also drunk as fuck.
What are you drinking?
Well, I usually only do brown liquor.
- Okay.
- Or vodka.
Or tequila.
- Okay.
- Or gin.
Gin, I mean, just, yeah.
Don't put too much ice in it.
I don't like it watered down.
And then there's my grandpa.
Stone cold player. Smooth.
- How you doing, darling?
- Hi, Grandpa.
Looks like he probably sung "Stand by Me."
That's my granddaughter.
She's beautiful and smart.
- What's up, love?
- Hey, girl.
I followed you on Instagram.
I can't get a "follow" back?
That's my grandpa's girlfriend, Tashina.
I got you.
Could be 28, could be 45.
Either way, it's gross.
Hey, Grams!
Grams is my favorite
because she always says
exactly what's on her mind.
The yard's a mess.
See, that's what your Daddy gets
for letting all the De La Hoyas
do the work,
you know what I'm saying?
Which is sometimes too much.
Could have used Peewee
right in the neighborhood.
Peewee's Yard Sowing and Hoeing.
You know I'm talking about...
Not that kind of hoeing!
- Oh, I'm tripping.
- Come on now.
I see you got your titties.
To be fair,
my whole family is a lot.
- Fast. Fast.
- They're not fast.
- They are fast.
- That's their momma's side.
I know.
But I wouldn't trade any of them.
And as much as he won't admit it,
my dad wouldn't either.
- Hey, what's up, cuz?
- Yo, what's up, Harold?
Shit, hey, let me ask you.
- You change your number?
- Naw, no.
You sure?
No, I don't think so.
I might be tripping.
Let me see your phone real quick?
Let me just call my phone and make sure...
I changed it. I changed it.
- Can't be doing that, cuz.
- I...
At least, notify a nigga,
know what I mean?
All right. That's my bad, dog.
It's all good. Look, though.
- I wanna holler at you about something.
- Oh. Okay.
Look, my life, that shit like a movie.
No, man, I ain't even just talking.
That shit a movie, my nigga.
Who better else than to tell my story
than family, know what I mean?
- You ain't gonna fuck it up.
- No.
So let me put you onto what it's about.
It's a nigga, right?
Like, a real nigga.
Sometimes they have like Taye Diggs
as a nigga. He ain't no nigga.
- Right.
- A nigga like me, you know what I mean?
- Exactly like you.
- Hot like me, right?
- I could be in it.
- You should play this, right.
- Nigga, exactly. I ain't even gotta act.
- Right.
- Nigga, it ain't even acting.
- Right.
I just exist in that shit.
Know what I mean?
Nigga Netflix movie.
Me on the cover like this. Gangster shit.
Know what I mean?
They got a whole audience.
Niggas in the hood.
Niggas in penitentiary.
They got Netflix in penitentiary?
- Probably.
- They should.
- They should.
- That's perfect, though.
Matter of fact, I could be a producer too,
'cause I know how that shit in my life is.
Who gonna tell the story
better than me and you?
- Nobody.
- Could eat off it too.
We could do that shit together.
Yeah, we could build off that.
I know you got the plug, the connect.
So you got a gangsta with a wig on,
that eliminates the whole stigma
of toxic masculinity
in the African-American community.
- They eat that shit up in Hollywood.
- Hold on, hold on, dawg.
So, you want to do a comedy
- about a Crip dude...
- Right.
- ...from the '60s...
- Okay.
...that pretends to be a female Blood
from Inglewood Family?
- No, from Compton Piru.
- Right.
Yup. And the only reason he get in,
pull up on the enemy and you hear,
"Pow! Pow! Pow!" Let loose in that bitch.
So it's a plan to,
like, infiltrate from within.
- Precisely, cuz.
- Got it.
It's like Deep Cover meets Juwanna Mann.
Right. Of course.
Hold on, did you like Juwanna Mann?
Hell, yeah.
This nigga wanted so passionately
to be in the NBA
that he put on a wig and...
I understand the conceit of Juwanna Mann.
I get it.
- So you know why that shit hard.
- No.
Nigga, it's your classic comedy
about a man putting on a wig.
Tootsie.
Some Like It Hot.
Nigga, Mrs. Doubtfire.
Rest in peace, Robin Williams.
Dawg, those are fucking classics.
Like, bangers.
Why? 'Cause they white?
Them shits ain't nothing
but white Juwanna Manns.
Damn.
Hmm. I fucked you up with that one, huh?
A little bit.
Yep, that's what I do, cuz.
I told you my shit hard.
So how should I proceed?
How should I move forward?
What? Proceed?
So we can move forward
with the whole process.
A nigga like you, you probably got
a white boy on the payroll.
Who the white nigga I gotta email?
- Email Danny.
- Danny.
You got a laptop?
I can go to the library.
Nigga, I'm hungry!
I'm willing to do anything.
Nigga, I'll put this shit on a pigeon
and fly that bitch to Danny.
I'm ready to work, cuz.
- You hear me?
- All right.
- I'll handwrite the nigga.
- Email me.
I'mma email... I'mma email Danny!
- White Juwanna Mann.
- White Juwanna Mann. Gangster shit.
Nigga, I'mma pull up in the Oscars
with a motherfuckin' track suit on, nigga.
I wanna thank the homies, the whole set.
Yeah, family, he ain't about to be
the only nigga in here making money!
I'mma put on all y'all lil' niggas.
Old motherfuckers too
if y'all still alive.
♪ I've become addicted to the fast life ♪
♪ Make sure that the money
In the bag right ♪
♪ I live on the edge in the deep end ♪
Guys, come here quick. Please.
Quick!
Quick, look.
- Do you see your cousin Tre dancing?
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah, he's, like, literally
the only one dancing.
This is important, okay?
Look how hard he's riding that beat.
Go in there. Go in there. Go dance!
Nope.
♪ I live on the edge on the deep end
l Iive on the edge on the deep end ♪
♪ On the 10
Doing 100 in the Lambo ♪
♪ Backseat looking like Rambo ♪
I'd call them back if I were you.
Guys! Come back. Come back. Kam!
Come back.
No, we're good.
Hey, man, nephew.
You know,
I don't mean to be disrespectful,
by eating all your food, man.
And, you know, looking at your wife.
- What?
- Yeah, man.
What are you talking about?
Why you looking at my wife?
I mean, but no disrespect,
but you are acting a little white lately.
What?
Yeah. I gotta say that.
- Don't do that, Dad. That's not cool.
- Real mayonnaise.
Acting like one of them white newscasters
that be on Channel 6.
I'm acting white
because I feel like a good movie
shouldn't get the same review
as a bad movie?
You know what I'm saying,
like, I literally saw
get six points higher than Titanic,
which is obviously the better movie.
- Better to who?
- What?
Who's it better to?
- What do you mean?
- Who gives a fuck about Titanic?
Titanic wasn't nothing
but Romeo and Juliet
- on a nasty-ass boat that sank.
- Straight up.
Unc, I was saying that same shit
about Juwanna Mann.
- Oh, my God.
- Man, I love that Juwanna Mann.
- You do?
- I saw it again last week.
- That shit hard.
- I'm telling you.
All Juwanna Mann is... is Tootsie.
- Exactly.
- Tootsie!
That brother should have been
the next Brad Pitt. I'm telling you.
What is happening right now?
He played a woman and a man
at the same time. And was hooping!
- That brother is talented.
- That's right!
Whatever entertains you,
if it entertains you and you like it,
fuck it! You like it!
Don't tell me what I should like
when I like what I like.
- Come on!
- Fucking bum fights are entertaining.
You wanna sit up
and watch bum fights all day?
I like to see two dusty motherfuckers...
I'd rather watch a bum fight
than that goddamn, what, Citizen Kane!
You'd rather watch bum fights
than Citizen Kane?
- Yeah.
- What the fuck is Citizen Kane?
- What is Citizen Kane?
- I ain't never heard of that shit.
I shouldn't be having this conversation
with you guys.
Citizen Kane is, is, is, is
when some citizens is doing cocaine.
- Come on!
- Yeah, change Rosebud to Snowflake, we in.
Hey!
Now that's a movie I will watch.
Citizen Cocaine.
- Why would you watch that?
- More real than Citizen Kane.
While you're doing this,
you need to go do this.
- What, I got some shit?
- Yes!
There's kids. You should've...
There's kids out here.
Y'all let me walk around like this?
- That's Citizen 'Caine.
- Yeah, well...
So, why...
Why you ain't done nothing
with that Tyler Perry?
- Yeah.
- Um...
We... we might. We might do something.
Oh, wait. Did you see that...
that funeral movie he did?
- Ah!
- Yes!
That was so funny!
Me and your pops saw that thing
and we was screaming the whole time.
You sure it was the movie
making him scream?
I'm going to the bathroom.
Oh, why? You feeling itchy?
Huh?
What's wrong with y'all?
Why y'all so mean to that lady?
What do you expect me to do?
Child's 12 years old.
- I gotta ask y'all a question.
- What?
You saw those Tyler Perry movies.
Did you see Green Book?
- Green Book?
- Green Book.
The movie that won the Oscar last year.
The Academy Award for best picture?
- Who... who was in it?
- I don't know nothing about Green Book.
Can we get it at the Redbox?
I'll look at it.
- We'll look at it.
- Yeah.
I don't know nothing
about no book. A green book?
I'll watch anything you want me to watch.
Yeah, we'll watch it. Is it good?
Why did I make my family watch
that day?
Because I know the one thing they'll do
that Hollywood won't do
is keep it completely real with me.
There's no way in hell
they're gonna like that shit. None.
Trust me.
Oh, my God! Wasn't that good? Wasn't that?
That is the best film
my son has ever made.
That was so good!
I did not see that coming.
Dad, the last movie these people
probably paid to see was Uncle Drew.
Here's the thing, though, Dre Dre. Like...
sometimes, you got to just listen
to the public, hear the people.
You can't always be that quirky, indie,
intellectual girl
who looks down on everybody.
Dad, that movie was not good.
Who are we to decide what's good?
What, you're quoting Uncle Ray now?
I think I gotta do that panel.
I do.
I think I got to do it.
Okay, thoughts.
I loved it.
I mean, serious, it was crazy.
The one car was like...
and the other one was like...
Man, I've never seen no shit
like that before.
What did you guys think?
I thought
it was really interesting, honestly.
Like, super professionally cast.
- Yeah.
- Like paid actors? Yeah.
Well, yeah! They were really good.
They look like they showed up on time.
They knew their lines.
- The lead actress was beautiful.
- Yeah.
- I mean, really pretty.
- The lead actress was beautiful?
Yes, that happens often.
Another thing I noticed is that
a lot of times
they use a small font for the credits,
but these guys used a huge font,
and I loved that.
What the fuck... what is going on, dude?
What did you guys think about the movie?
Did you like it or not?
- Um...
- Well, there was...
See, this is the problem right here, dude.
Dude, why are you afraid to be honest?
I think maybe it has something to do
with the environment you've created.
What? You always...
Look, this is a black movie, man.
And you're black.
Yeah, I am.
This could easily be a set up.
- You're telling me this is not a set up?
- What?
- So is that what this is about?
- Little bit.
You're afraid to talk shit
because this is a black movie?
I don't think I want to hear them
talk shit about a black movie.
Okay.
- That's true.
- That's fair.
Mikayla, you and I need to hang out more.
You smoke?
Mikayla's throwing it at me, right?
I mean, I'm not crazy, right?
Um... I'll keep an eye out for it.
Bet.
Guys, seriously.
One time, complete pass,
no repercussions.
Just be honest,
what the fuck did you think
about the movie?
Who's going first?
- I'm going to do it.
- Now talking.
Of course you are, right?
I did not like it.
I wanted to walk out,
but then I remembered that I was at work.
So I couldn't.
- Okay.
- It's terrible!
The whole conceit is just flawed.
I don't understand why
even brought into this.
- That was crazy, right?
- It made no sense!
It made no sense. Because the movie
was a fucking train wreck.
It was a train wreck,
and, you know,
it was black this and black that,
and I was like,
"Is that supposed to be impressive?"
I've never seen you speak so passionately.
Or wave your head like that. What's that?
What? I... Hey.
Where was that
when I asked the first time?
- Why weren't you just honest?
- I don't know, we're not crazy people.
Like, we can't say that to you, you know?
I'm not black.
I can't speak to the black experience,
but I was pretty sure in that movie,
like, right away, it shit the bed.
And it wasn't that professionally cast.
There were mistakes.
But what about... The driving was dope.
Come on! That's your thing?
- Black people can drive fast?
- Drop it.
So is that it?
Are we saying this is what's happening?
That the critics are white guys like you
and they're afraid to say anything
because they think if they say something,
it'll be like, "We're speaking bad
against a black movie."
So they say, "It's great.
It was amazing."
Yes, exactly.
That's exactly what's happening.
No, look,
I think it's all these movements too.
The #metoo, the #timesup.
- #OscarsSoWhite.
- Yeah.
It's the times we're in, all right.
Everybody's on eggshells.
You can't say anything
about anything ever, you know?
In fact, I shouldn't' even said
what I just said.
Emily, do not write that down.
Where was all this
when fucking New Jack City was going on?
- Right?
- Where was its 99?
'Cause it definitely fucking deserved it.
Okay. Let me just say this.
Is it such a bad thing?
This wave of black film and TV?
Like, does it matter
what scores they get,
as long as they're getting made?
But isn't there a better black filmmaker
that needed their movie to get made
but that movie got made?
- And his film can be made too.
- Sure.
Is there, like, a freedom in,
like, being allowed to make bad movies?
That's what King fought for.
The freedom to make bad movies?
Yes.
You look torn.
I am. Fucking torn.
I thought you said you got it wrong
with this one, though.
Dude, you don't have to be that dude
right now. Seriously.
Can you just please tell me
what you think I should do?
Well, unlike you,
I would have been honest from the jump
and said, "This movie is garbage,
and I cannot endorse it
because I'm not
in the garbage-endorsing business."
The world's going to kick you in your jaw.
Seriously, just jump up
and just roundhouse you.
You'll see.
My dad was obviously
in the weeds on this
and looking for more clarity
on white critics and black cinema.
So we went to New York to track down
a pretty reliable source on the matter.
- Yo, this room is fucking dumb, dude.
- I know.
This size in Manhattan?
You think this is on Expedia?
Uh, I don't think so.
How you doing, man?
- Oh!
- Yeah, this is expensive. How you doing?
Oh my God. It's Tyler Perry.
- What's up man? Good to see you.
- What's up? How are you?
- How are you? Hi, Drea, how are you?
- Hi.
- Good, how are you?
- Good.
Good to meet you.
Yo, you are a big motherfucker, man.
Do people know you're this tall?
I'm not sure, but do people know
that you speak this way
in front of your daughter,
using that language?
No, it... it's cool, man. It's just,
you know, you're... you're cool, right?
- Yeah, it's cool.
- Are you really?
No. Not really,
but what am I gonna say? He's my father.
What are you talking about, dude?
You curse at me all the time, dude.
You told me to go fuck myself
on the cab ride over here.
Yeah, because you told me you and Mom
were thinking about aborting me.
- Kenya.
- No, I didn't say that.
I said me and your mom
visited a few abortion clinics
while we were pregnant,
but it worked out.
Wow. I am never raising my kid in LA.
That is crazy,
y'all talk to each other like that.
- Wow.
- No... This is my baby.
It's kinda our thing.
We have a special relationship. It's...
Yes. One that's totally devoid of respect.
I get it.
Hey, I gonna talk to your dad.
Help yourself.
There's some great stuff over there.
Okay, come on. come on. Let's talk.
Do you mind?
- That's from over there?
- Yeah.
Yeah, I kind of do.
- Really?
- Why you looking around the room?
Really, yeah. Them motherfucking chips
are $35 a bag!
- What?
- Yes.
What kind of potatoes are damn $35?
I need to go to Idaho
and find that fucking potato.
- I kinda already opened it.
- Just...
Go ahead, Kenya.
What's going on, man? Tell me.
I mean...
I feel like you have figured out
the beat of your own drum
and that's what you dance to,
and it works for you
and you don't seem like you care.
I don't.
I don't know how to do it, man.
I feel like I really care
what white people think.
I think I care, like, a lot.
I care what everybody thinks.
To be honest with you, I feel like that's
almost all I care about, it seems like.
What other people think.
That's really sad, man.
It's a sad existence.
It's not... It's not a great life.
It seems like every time I do a project,
the first thing I do after the project
comes out is go to Rotten Tomatoes.
Let me tell you about them tomatoes.
- I don't fuck with them.
- With tomatoes?
I don't give a damn about it,
rotten or fresh.
None of that means shit to me.
That's amazing.
What about critics?
I don't give a fuck.
I guess... that's amazing.
Can I just tell you why?
Let me tell you why.
- Please.
- Because... Listen, man.
I know that I'm telling stories
that my folks want to see.
I'm talking from our point of view,
we're speaking a language,
we're speaking a shorthand that we get
that white people don't necessarily get.
Nina Simone said this
and I never forgot it. She said,
"You will use up everything you got
trying to give everybody what they want."
You got to focus, man.
You know what I do?
I super-serve my niche.
We speak a language. We're talking.
We know each other. We get it.
There's a lot of times I see shit
that win Oscars and I be like,
"What is this shit?" I walked out
halfway through it. I don't get it.
And listen, I feel like they feel
the same way about my work.
They don't get it, which is all cool.
My mother,
born in Jim Crow south in Louisiana,
down the street from Mississippi
where Emmett Till was murdered.
She told me the value of being who I am,
of my blackness.
She said, "Don't you ever let anybody
tell you who you are.
You know who you are,
you know where you come from."
I watched her stories, her struggles,
and that's what I'm telling.
I'm telling the stories that I come from,
and that's why they're winning,
because people are recognizing
themselves in these stories.
No matter how crass people think they are,
no matter what the critics say,
"Oh, I don't get this shit.
I don't understand what it is."
I don't give a fuck
because I'm talking to us.
That's why millions of people
are watching my shows every week,
that's why people keep showing up
and sending the movies to number one.
I'm talking to us, connecting with us.
You know what I'm saying?
Let me tell you what you're doing.
Trying to get them to approve you.
That's what I don't get.
Why are niggas running around
to get white folks...
"Please tell me I'm special.
Oh, give me your Oscar.
Let me know I'm all these things
that you want me to be."
Fuck that. Tell your story,
live in your own life
and your own culture.
Tell your own experience.
Can't nobody tell you how to be you.
You hear what I'm saying?
- I do, man.
- Good.
- I really... really fucking do.
- Good.
Thanks, Tyler Perry.
You're welcome, Kenya Barris.
- We doing government names?
- I just felt like it was a special moment.
Yeah. All right.
You done?
God, these chips
are phenomenal, dog. Seriously.
I guess I'll never know.
Yo, have you seen yet?
Yo, is your assistant on the line?
Can... can she clear the line?
Thanks, Alex.
Yo, between me and you,
that shit is trash, dawg.
Like trash-trash.
Is it my fault?
Okay, everything's your fault,
so you're gonna have to be more specific.
- Is it my fault that they can't dance?
- Oh, of course it's your fault.
You're the whitest person I know.
What? Don't...
You're the whitest person I know.
- That's such a white clapback.
- You're a white clapback.
- Great. That was... Wow.
- That was not good, I know. I know.
- Hey.
- Let me call you right back, dawg.
Do you think it's my fault
that the kids can't dance?
I don't have any time
for this right now, babe.
Why? What's going on?
This panel shit's got me fucked up, man.
- Why?
- Because,
first I was gonna do it,
then I wasn't gonna do it,
but now I'm thinking maybe I should do it.
You need to stop messing around
and just do that goddamn panel.
What? This is serious.
Why you playing around? This is serious.
You know what's serious? That your house
has a crack in its foundation.
- That's serious.
- Cracks are bad.
We have a huge crack,
and you are riding that wave right now
just like.
- So, I suggest you play the game.
- What?
You go to the panel,
you do all the things to keep it up
because I want to make sure
that this beautiful, overpriced home
doesn't deteriorate,
which could kind of happen any day.
You think I'm riding
some kind of black wave?
Yeah, it's a good thing.
- No, it's not!
- We should be celebrating.
Jesus Christ, dude.
Is nobody keeping it real with me?
Like, is everybody just thinking
I'm on this wave too?
Am I trash and nobody will tell...
Do you think I'm trash?
What? No! No.
As a black woman, which I am,
I support everything
and anything you do.
#supporteverythingblack.
What? Hashtag support ev...
What is... what is that?
What do you mean, what is that?
- What is...
- #supporteverythingblack.
- It's a thing.
- It's not a thing.
- Chlo.
- What?
- #supporteverythingblack?
- It's definitely a thing.
I feel like she's been stealing
money out of my wallet.
She might have been,
but she knows what's up culturally.
Dude.
I'm trash.
It's one thing for white critics
to be scared of me,
but it's a completely 'nother
for my people
to only mess with me
because they feel like they have to.
Last five years of my life,
I've pretty much killed myself.
Is any of it real?
The deals...
the awards...
♪ I wanna know what love is ♪
Is it all just bullshit?
Why does it matter?
Why does it matter?
Babe, as a writer, it's all that matters.
You're constantly wondering
if you're a fraud,
or if you're just running around
fooling everybody.
So what,
you think you're fooling everyone?
No. I don't know.
Maybe.
- I just know we got to fix this.
- Fix what?
The system. It's broken.
Or maybe we can figure out
some kind of high council that
makes informed and educated decisions
on everything black.
- A high council?
- I don't know what I'm saying.
Maybe I sound crazy,
but we gotta figure out some way
to police our own work. We have to.
We have to.
And wouldn't you know,
my dad, like he's done
a million times before this,
was able to say something
completely insane
and somehow see it through.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, KB. What's up, dog?
- What up, what up?
- We here.
Thank you guys all so much, seriously,
for hopping on this call.
It means a lot. I know you guys
are all super busy. Thank you.
Was this a choice?
'Cause it really didn't feel like it.
You've been mad aggressive
with the calls lately.
Um...
Okay, I mean, I tried you 12 times
before I got a call back.
I actually can't believe
you got all of us together.
It's an incredibly talented
group of people.
It kinda feels like history in the making.
Okay, I don't know why everything
has to be about history with you, Ava.
I think you're gonna actually
see this call
is much less historical
than you think it's gonna be.
So, Kenya, what are you trying to do?
Start a Black Illuminati or something?
I promise you, it's not what I'm doing.
Dude, that shit already exists, man.
Jay-Z and Swizz Beatz started that shit.
- Okay, Lena.
- Oh, okay.
I'm... I'm not lying.
I've been to some of the meetings.
- It's like a real thing.
- How you get invited?
Like, they have meetings and stuff.
You get free haircuts.
Jordans the day they come out,
you know what I mean?
You get, like, clear skin,
a year's supply of shea butter.
Like, you always get a first-class seat
on Virgin Airlines.
It's a real situation.
They got actual Black Illuminati cards.
Guys, can we kinda...
It doubles as a key to your Tesla.
- Lena, come on, man.
- I'm real!
Can we get back
to what this call was about?
Did you guys see that link I sent you
with the movie?
What did you think?
Who did it?
So it was pretty good. Pretty good.
Yeah, I agree.
It was, it was... it was cool.
I'm going to stop you right there.
That shit was not cool.
There was nothing cool about that movie.
You guys know it. Dude, come on!
You know what I'm saying?
How are we ever going to get better
if this is how we are with each other?
We have to be able to talk honestly
if we want our art to progress.
We do it all the time with white stuff.
Why can't we do it with our own stuff?
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I don't know,
like, if I asked you
what you thought about Green Book.
No. Please don't bring up that movie.
Oh, all right.
Okay, Ava.
Happy for Mahershala, though.
Happy for Mahershala.
Always happy for Mahershala,
uh, but let's keep talking,
let's keep that kind of loose environment.
We're feeling real. That felt real.
Let's go on that. Let's go that route.
- Um, Iss...
- Huh?
I happen to really, really enjoy Insecure.
It's a good show.
What do you think
about my show, Black-ish?
Oh! Uh...
It's fine.
Fine?
Yeah, I mean, it's...
It's for families.
I love black families, so...
Uh-huh.
I mean, I think some of your episodes
could use some story-structure help
in the third act...
Because fucking Wrinkle in Time
was so ground-breaking?
I'm sorry, you know the innermost feelings
of nine-year-old girls?
- I'm sorry.
- I wouldn't put it past him, Ava.
Black-ish seems to tap into the hearts
and minds of 55-year-old white women.
That's very funny, Tim.
Guess it was no Ride Along 2, though.
Whoa. Is that what we're doing now?
We're setting people up?
Dude, nobody's setting you up.
I'm just saying. Come on man,
admit it was a money grab.
We all do money grabs. Come on.
Will, back me up.
You're the king of money grabs.
Back you up how, dude?
Uh, first of all, you got 7,000 projects
in development right now.
You literally say no to nothing.
I probably would have said no
to Night School.
Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
First of all, you didn't get asked
to write Night School.
Second of all, uh, Night School made
a hundred million dollars,
- so you'd been sayin' no to that, sir.
- Preach.
Maybe if they had called it
"Night School-ish."
Ha-ha. That's very funny, Tim.
Yo, Tim, good one.
Hey, Tim, you know what?
I'm about to hit you offline right now.
We need to talk writer ideas,
'cause my Girls Trip 2 writer
just fell out.
- I'm the writer for Girls Trip 2.
- I'll hit you right now.
Yeah. We should hang up on him.
All right.
Okay.
Now that I guess we've gotten through
that first round of bonding
over mutual disdain of my career,
maybe we can talk about some other stuff.
Can we talk about how we feel about Power?
People wanna talk about Power?
Kenya, this is not what I signed up for.
This is not constructive, brother.
This is not positive.
This is not the beautiful
gathering I thought it would be.
Um, I'm... I'm good. Thank you.
Have a good hot mess of a...
whatever you're doing here.
Goodbye.
You know what? I'm out too.
Will and Tim are calling and they're
probably talking shit about you,
so I want to join that. Bye!
Could you...
Guess it's just me and you, Lena.
That was definitely shots fired, bro.
I got... That shit cut me,
you know what I'm saying?
Like, I like Black-ish, you know
what I'm saying, sometimes.
- But look, I think you're right.
- What?
We gotta talk about this shit, bro.
You've got a point.
I don't like to admit that,
'cause you're crazy,
but you got a point on this one, bro.
You do.
The dude that made Grown-ish and Black-ish
and Mixed-ish
is actually making the points-ish.
- Look bro, when's the panel?
- It's tomorrow night.
Okay, that is very last-minute.
I, um... I don't...
You know what?
Okay, I'mma cancel something.
I'mma cancel something.
I'mma cancel something.
- I'mma come. I'mma come.
- Are you serious?
- I'll do it with you.
- My God, thank you, Lena Waithe.
- Thank you.
- Yeah. But look, look,
we got to be honest, though.
We're gonna talk real.
We ain't gonna lie no more.
- Wow!
- If somebody gonna tell the truth,
I guess it's gotta be me.
I'm that motherfucker.
I already done stepped in it
with Will and Denzel.
I've apologized. We're cool now.
I'm willing, I'll take the hit.
I'll take the hit.
The black, masculine-presenting lesbian
will take the motherfucking hit.
Let's go, Kenya. Let's go. It's go time.
So, in the spirit
of my dad and Lena keeping it real,
I figured I'd do the same
by showing the director's face.
I was ready
to let the chips fall where they may.
Ready to see history made.
- Congrats.
- Thank you.
Thank you guys for coming tonight.
Um, thank you, Lena, for joining with me.
Um...
I can jump in if you want.
- Whatever.
- Okay. Cool.
I'm just gonna, I'mma get right to it.
So, the ending...
What were you going for
with your ending?
Um, I would say... I would argue that, uh,
the ending, it's a commentary
on the social injustices
that we, as black people, face
post-civil rights,
where every other marginalized group
in this country
has made tremendous strides forward,
but we...
we tend to be straggling behind.
The imagery of a black man
playing a trumpet
on top of a cotton gin,
that ties earlier
to the imagery of the record player
playing the same song
that the trumpet player was playing
at the end of the film.
And, if you remember, uh, in minute 72,
you see that pair of tap shoes,
the same pair of tap shoes that
the main character, the protagonist,
had been saving up for the entire film.
They don't think I should have called
the ship the SS Diabetes.
They felt like that was on the nose.
So, if black joy
is used to tell the story
of a tap-dancing fry cook
on the Death Star,
then let it be known.
So that's what the ending was about.
Hmm.
Wow.
- Yeah.
- Um...
But I think the thing
that I'm wondering is, like,
at what point do you feel like
any of that was a part of the movie?
Because I'll be honest with you,
it felt a little bit scattered and...
unfocused and...
kinda pedestrian?
No offense.
Oh. Okay. Uh...
Don't insult it three times
and then say "no offense."
Scattered and pedestrian?
I think this is the issue.
Okay, well, clearly
you didn't like it, right?
I'm... I'm not saying I didn't like it.
You had problems with it.
You're taking issue to it.
Lena, you know what?
You have any questions?
I would love to hear...
I would love to hear what you thought.
Me and Lena talked, all right?
She has some things to say,
but I mean...
If I could, you know, interject.
- Uh, I mean...
- Please. Thank you.
To be honest...
I liked it.
You know what I mean?
I think you're saying a lot in the movie.
It's a lot of movie.
We're not used to seeing ourselves
in these kind of roles,
but ultimately,
this is an important film.
- It is?
- It's a film we need to see.
Kenya, we gotta root for black people.
We gotta support each other.
At least in public, you know what I mean?
We need black unity.
Yeah, yeah.
Lena Waithe, everybody.
The future right here.
The future of black cinema, man.
Oh. All right. We'll see.
Kenya, we'll talk. We'll talk after.
- I don't think that's necessary.
- Okay.
- How'd it go?
- I told him how I felt.
God.
That's exactly the opposite
of what I told you to do.
Yeah.
Dude, the only reason I said anything
or even care about any of this
is 'cause I'm, you know,
I am, dude, I'm hard on myself.
I feel like I'm coming at him
the way I'd want him to come at me.
If he had something to say about Black-ish
or this or that,
I feel like I'd want to hear it,
and that's the reason I want to tell him
the honest truth about his thing.
I want him to be not just
a great black director,
or I want to be
not just a great black writer,
I want to be a great writer who's black.
Why can't you just be
with other black people
and enjoy the success
that you all collectively have?
Because the only way
that we're going to keep each other
in the conversation
is to really police each other,
because we're right now
in this thing where
white people
aren't gonna be honest with us.
They're either gonna celebrate us publicly
because that's what's hip right now,
or secretly, behind the closed doors,
wait for our demise.
So we have to sort of tell each other
the truth.
That's the only way we get better.
I don't know if that's our job.
That certainly doesn't feel like my job.
Whatever my job is,
I have not done a good job.
- We failed.
- Yeah.
We both failed.
I mean... you a little bit more than me.
I think you failed worse than me.
At least mine's not about money.
- How big is the crack?
- It's big.
Let's pray to God
we don't have an earthquake, you know?
You know, I don't say this a lot, but...
I'm proud of my dad.
I really am.
You know, he put it all on the line.
Most people wouldn't have the balls
to do that.
Probably for good reason, though.
Man might have ruined his career.
It's fine.
I didn't think
he'd make it this far anyway.
No one did.
♪ I got, I got, I got, I got
Loyalty, got royalty ♪
♪ Inside my DNA ♪
♪ Cocaine quarter piece, got war and peace
Inside my DNA ♪
♪ I got power, poison, pain and joy
Inside my DNA ♪
♪ I got hustle, though, ambition, flow
Inside my DNA ♪
♪ I was born like this
Since one like this ♪
♪ Immaculate conception ♪
♪ I transform like this, perform like this
Was Yeshua's new weapon ♪
♪ I don't contemplate, I meditate,
Then off your fucking head ♪