Billions (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - YumTime - full transcript

Axe makes an activist play, and the move reverberates back to Chuck.

Previously on "Billions"...
We have him dead to rights.
So he'll fold quick,
and then we get back to what we were really doing... Axelrod.
Well, if you move on him and take that risk,
you have to get the reward.
I said I know, Dad.
Suspect trading pattern on Pepsum Pharmaceuticals.
[Ari] Peter Decker, Quaker Ridge Financial.
We start with Decker since he had the longest tenure
at Axe Capital of anyone who left with Axe's backing.
It also makes him very loyal to Axe, much harder to crack.
Get Terri McCue over at FBI up on this, too.
Do you know Cross-Co.?
Mid-size firm, has a big distribution contract
with that bakery company, YumTime.
[Wendy] You're the best PM on the floor. You know it.
- They're fucking sure of it. - Fucking-A.
You think you're gonna fucking blackmail me?
Your hair, which will test positive for cocaine,
can be in Chuck Rhoades' hands within an hour.
You're gonna watch, listen, and report.
[Bobby] That's what this is all about, guys.
Not only how our firm survived 9/11,
but how we didn't give up.
It's just wrong
that you're the one standing there.
You know, like the idea that if someone has a problem
with you and they come to you in person,
you do what you can to take care of it.
But they take that beef public,
the ground just falls out from beneath them where I'm from.
- Are you threatening me? - Fucking right I am.

[The Dramatics' "Get Up & Get Down" playing]

[man] Oh!

[June and man moaning]
- Oh! - Oh!
♪ Come on ♪
Oh, I'm in the clubhouse turn.
[both continue moaning]
Ahh! Oh, Goddamn it.
[door creaks]
You want... you want a beer or something?
♪ Get up out of your seat ♪
Let's just fuck.
♪ Get down, get up and move your feet ♪
♪ Come on and... ♪ [door closes]
Say that again.
[whispers] Let's just fuck.

I don't make it a habit to sleep with my authors.
Too bad for them. [chuckles]
So this is the week, huh?
Your people break out the marketing plan for my book.
We're gonna make you into a best seller.
- [inhales sharply] Mm. - Yeah.
I could do all the morning shows.
And you will.
[truck beeping, engine rumbling]
[hydraulics hiss, engine turns off]
- Morning. - [Ben] Hey, Axe.
[gate rumbles]
You ever eat these?
My parents own a deli in Kew Gardens.
- We used to sell 'em. - You grew up in Queens?
We moved there when I was 9, from Korea.
Oh, you speak the language? [wrapper crinkling]
[speaks Korean]
Good to know.
You worked in that deli?
Every morning, every afternoon,
and I did the books on the weekends.
And then Stanford.
American dream. [chuckles]
Here's something they didn't teach you at Stanford, Ben.
Whenever you can, put a company in your mouth.
[wrapper crinkles]
[♪ ethereal music]
What do you think?
[mouth full] Not as good as I remember.
And that's a problem, 'cause I own
a hell of a lot of these fucking things
and I'm about to own more.

[cellphone vibrating]
Yeah, Jack.
What time is it?
Well, that's crazy.
Shit. Really?
Yeah, all right. Well, thanks for the heads up.
[cellphone clatters]
[whispers] Son of a bitch.
[clears throat] Issue?
That was a courtesy call from an agent friend of mine
working with the Eastern District.
Mm. Okay.
Last night, they arrested this hedge fund guy in Greenwich
on securities and wire fraud.
Get to the part I'm gonna hate.
The guy works for Decker.
He's gonna flip on him to save his own ass.
[sniffs] Son of a bitch. What time is it?
- 5:50. - [groans]
[birds calling]
[Chuck clicking tongue] Hmm?
[dog barks] Come on.
Ho, ho, ho, ho.
Take it easy there, fella.
Excuse me, sir.
You didn't clean up after your dog.
Yeah, I forgot the bag today.
Oh, I don't think so
because, you know, it's not just the statutory law,
it's the law of civility, man.
And I've seen you before.
You come out of that building, your dog craps,
and you just leave it where it falls.
Why don't you mind your business?
This is my business.
Oh, you're that guy.
I am that guy.
All right, well, do you have an extra bag?
No, no. See, I used mine.
Well, I'll get it next time.
No, I think you need to get it this time.
Why don't you let it slide?
"Let it slide."
That sounds simple, easy.
Sure, let it slide. That's just some dog shit.
But those are three devious little words.
You know, if... if I let your dog shit slide,
then I have to be okay
with this whole plaza filling up with it,
which it would before we know it.
Oh, then it would be on our pant legs and our shoes,
and we would track it into our homes,
and then our homes would smell like shit, too.
It'd be easy to let it slide.
You know, why don't we, uh,
why don't we let petty larceny slide, too?
Some kid steals five bucks from a newsstand? Who cares?
Well, maybe next time he decides to steal your TV
or break into your brownstone and steal your fucking wife.
But what difference does it make?
Because by then, we're all living in shit anyway.
Come on, man. I don't have a bag.
- You have hands. - What?
- Use your hands. - Or?

[sighs] Come on, man. Come on, buddy.

[cellphone vibrating] There we go. Thattaboy.
That's the spirit.
- Ugh. - Yeah?
[man] Eastern's moved on Decker.
They pinched one of his guys. Looks like he's cooperating.
He's gonna flip on Decker? Are you fucking kidding me?
We... Goddamn it. Hold on. Hold on.
Sir, there's still some over here.
That's not Bobo's, man.
- It is now. - Fuck. Really?
- Well, if they have Decker... - [scoffs]
...then they have Axelrod, and we don't.
- We know where this came from. - [sighs] It's fucking Spyros.
Yeah, you know, while we're chasing down Birch,
that glory hound gets Eastern to look into Decker.
Hold on just a second.
[thud] Sir?
Thank you for doing your civic duty.
Feels good, doesn't it?
[woman] ♪ Make some time for YumTime ♪
♪ We're baking just for you ♪
♪ Scrumpets and Krumblettes ♪
♪ And Scribbleberries, too ♪
- What up, big Steve? - ♪ Every single crumb ♪
♪ You'll say yum, yum, yum, yum, yum! ♪
- Good morning, Mr. Bailey. - Thank you, Cheryl.
♪ YumTime today ♪ [telephone rings]
Mr. Bailey's office.
♪ ...for yum yum ♪
[woman] I have Mr. Purkheiser on the line.
[button clicks] Thank you.
What do you say, Purk?
Word is,
Bobby Axelrod is up to a 4.9% stake in YumTime.
Thanks for the heads up, Purk.
- Okay. - All right.
Fuck! Sh...
Cheryl, get in here!
[Major Lazer] ♪ Major lazer ♪
♪ Jump up, jump up, jump up, yeah ♪
♪ Be advised, everybody thumbs up, yeah ♪
♪ Everyone, yes, bring your thumbs up, yeah ♪
♪ Everyone bring your thumbs up, hey ♪
♪ Jump up, jump up, jump up, yeah ♪
♪ Be advised, everybody thumbs up, yeah ♪
♪ Everyone, yes, bring your thumbs up, yeah ♪
♪ Everybody bring your thumbs up ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪

And you know what ATM stands for, right?
I don't wanna be the kind of person
that gets off on that.
I really don't.
But... I've learned this,
and it's one of the positives of getting older.
It's better to accept who I am than fight it.
Ass-to-mouth, by the way.
Just so that we are speaking the same language.
Oh, we are.
Sometimes on the drive home, I'll roll it over in my mind.
You know, what is it about a woman
taking it into her mouth after a little raw-dogging
that just seems so right?
And it's this...
that I'm accepted as I am.
For my good qualities, sure,
but also for all...
of my filth.
And I appreciate a woman who is that giving.
I truly do.
[inhales sharply] But there's more to it, isn't there?
The... act you're talking about
has to do with power dynamics.
Maybe ask why this is coming up for you now.
Is there a work connection?
Someone you feel isn't looking at you like she should?
Maria Saldana. Wow.
What happened?
She was kind of a bastard about her bonus at quarterly review,
and then she went and got an offer away.
Yeah, but she's still here.
Yeah, but she threatened to leave,
leveraging us to make a bigger offer,
which we will, and I think she stays.
- You feel played. - Yeah, I do.
Then why did you make her the counter
if you feel that way? Because she's great at her job.
Her P&L's always green.
She grew her capital from 50 to $300 million.
Men renegotiate.
If they do it this way, they get fired.
So it's really not because she's a woman?
No, it's because she got out of line.
You know that we're upping Donnie Caan's capital...
tripling it. I asked Axe why.
He said, "Donnie's loyal, a good soldier."
And in your mind, Maria's not.
It doesn't matter. I'll keep her.
You gonna tell me about that smile?
Well, I'll keep her,
but she won't have much fun.
It's my duty to make an example of her now.
You cannot leverage us.
So over the next two years,
she'll get cut back in ways she can't control.
She'll get less deal flow,
less information will fall into her lap.
At the end of her deal,
she'll be worth a quarter of her current comp.
[♪ dramatic music]
whether she likes it or not.
[indistinct conversations]
- Hey, Christine. - Oh, hey, Lara.
- I have you in the 10:00, right? - Yeah.
So you get the whole book tour treatment?
- Local press, store signings? - Yes, all of that.
Oh, so fun. Hey, Lara.
Hi, ladies.
Congratulate June.
Oh, on what?
Goose Quill is publishing her memoir
on how she got through 9/11.
Wow. Congratulations, June.
Yeah, it's just, you know,
it's just a story I wanted to tell.
- [chuckles] - So cool, right?
Yeah, super-duper.
Well, congrats again. Can't wait to read it.
[sighs softly]
[indistinct conversations continue]
[♪ pensive music]
Hi. It's Lara Axelrod for Shari Strang in communications.

[cellphone vibrates]
- Lara, hey. - Hey, Shari.
Listen, I need you to get something for me.
This is more.
This is much more than...
I didn't come in here
trying to get you to do what you're doing.
Well, if you had, I wouldn't be.
And it makes good sense.
Should make a pretty big difference to the family.
Game changer for us.
- Bring Wags in? - Yeah.
- Axe. - Yeah?
Thank you for your trust.
Thank you for earning it.
[door closes]
This is huge. I wanna thank you, too.
I told Donnie we've always known we could trust him.
It's official. We're gonna triple up his stack,
back him with the main fund when we can.
He'll need one-on-ones, some IPOs, and another analyst.
Excellent. Shooter shooter, coming out.
Get started with 200,000 shares of Rubinex.
That's a big position. Are you sure?
We are not uncertain.
You're gonna be our Brian Doyle.
- Who? - Brian Doyle.
He's a utility player on the '78 Yankees.
He's a lifetime .168 hitter.
That's below the Mendoza.
But in the '78 World Series,
Willie Randolph got hurt, Doyle stepped in,
hit .438, played like an MVP.
- Legendary. - You're gonna be Brian Doyle.
I'm gonna be Brian Doyle.
Amelia, I know it's a high profile case.
But, uh, I'm building something here.
So can we horse trade?
The Schachetti brothers.
You gonna give me the Schachetti brothers?
You like?
You propose to trade a high-flying hedge fund manager
for a couple of old goombahs
throwing elbows over garbage pickups in Queens?
Maybe, uh, you don't understand how horse trading works.
Uh, you don't open with your, uh...
You can't offer me your mule for my thoroughbred.
You're hoping I'm dumb enough to go for that.
So fuck you and the horse you didn't ride in on.
[receiver thuds]
I think maybe she does understand horse trading.
[telephones ringing, indistinct conversations]
[man] Just find it.
[indistinct conversations continue]
File you asked about.
Sakurov cyber fraud case.
Oh, right. Thanks.
Any luck with the, uh, douche bags from Eastern?
[chuckles] Not yet.
- Hey. - Hi.
Well, I, uh, heard from that agent over there and, uh,
Decker's junior is being very cooperative.
- Son of a bitch. - Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.
All right, well, catch you later.
- She's good, isn't she? - Yeah.
Yeah, it's important to develop
good relationships with agents.
Oh, yeah, I know. You told me that first day.
Can't stress that enough.
So what's going on with Eastern?
Spyros, the SEC, pulled a move on the Axelrod case.
They got a guy to flip on Decker,
one of Axelrod's spin-offs.
- Pete Decker? - Yeah.
He's got a couple billion in assets under management.
Ties to Axelrod.
Mm, you wanted to flip him.
That was the plan.
You have all the leverage you need?
[chuckles] No such thing.
I'll grind on it.
Like, uh, Terri.
She looks like a real grinder.
[scoffs, chuckles]
As members of the board of YumTime...
Gathered informally. must wanna know
if my acquiring almost 5% of your company
is a vote of confidence.
So let me put an end to the suspense... it isn't.
Mr. Axelrod is prepared to increase his position
and file with the SEC.
In addition to its stake,
Axe Capital controls a significant percentage 407 00:16:43,4