Billions (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Naming Rights - full transcript
Axe installs rigorous compliance measures to gird the company against the investigation by Chuck and the US Attorney's office. When Wendy questions Axe's methods, he compels her to prove her loyalty to the firm. Chuck's investigation is temporarily derailed when he has to divert resources to a case against an Axe rival, billionaire Steven Birch. Axe's black bag man and fixer, Hall, develops a mole inside the US Attorney's office, while Axe makes an aggressive move under the guise of a charitable contribution to the symphony in order to settle an old score.
Previously on "Billions"...
When did it become a crime
to succeed in this country?
Everyone has access
to the information.
We just know
how to analyze it better.
Suspect trading pattern
on pepsum pharmaceuticals.
They had inside information.
You must get pings like that
every day.
It's bigger than that.
All three firms have links
to Bobby Axelrod.
This would be a big one.
But a good matador doesn't try
to kill a fresh bull.
But a good matador doesn't try
to kill a fresh bull.
You wait until he's been stuck
a few times.
Why aren't you prosecuting
the investment banks
and hedge funds
for insider trading?
Go ask the 81 convicted felons
of financial crimes
currently serving time.
But you have a very specific
conflict of interest
right in your own home.
Your value to the firm
is absolute.
I've been working there
since before we were married
and long before
you were in office.
I work for the public good.
No, you work for the good
of Chuck rhoades.
Maybe sometimes they intersect.
You know the Norton place
out at the beach?
I just heard Bobby Axelrod
is trying to buy it.
I just heard Bobby Axelrod
is trying to buy it.
How much?
$83 million.
People hate guys
who buy things like that.
You said there was only
one thing you were afraid of...
Guys in windbreakers
walking in your office
saying, "step away
from the computer."
And you told me you'd make sure
it wouldn't happen.
So let me make sure.
Steven birch?
It's either him or you.
Piedmont capital.
Yeah.
That swap deal he did
on arcadian railroad...
Do an autopsy on the deal,
you'll find yourself a pulitzer
in the carcass.
Front fucking page of the post.
It's like he's daring you.
There's movement.
It's likely they've opened
a case file on you.
You know what?
I'm ready.
No, Pete, the gold standard
is never coming back.
No, Pete, the gold standard
is never coming back.
And if it did,
this world would be so fucked,
I'd buy space travel, not gold.
Nice pitch, though.
If I'd have known
it was a gold play,
I'd have never put him through.
Always put that lunatic through.
One out of every 200 ideas
he has is fucking brilliant.
I got this.
Bad idea.
"No man is a hero
to his valet."
That goes double
for his c.O.O.,
so you are fucked with me
either way.
Let's take a car to the city
instead of flying.
Let's take a car to the city
instead of flying.
What's underneath this?
Look, if the U.S. attorney
is really coming,
maybe it's better if we don't
make you more of a target.
And more important,
garth Sykes from flagship.
Hated seeing you
on the cover of the post
with that goddamned
oceanfront mansion.
Teachers in that pension fund
make 40 grand a year.
People who have it spend it.
People who don't have it
like billies better
who spend on other folks.
Charity, good works.
I do, I have, and you know it.
Today, they only remember
the house.
I have a feeling
there'll be another one of us
I have a feeling
there'll be another one of us
on the front pages soon enough,
and they'll forget about that.
But if flagship
does try and withdraw...
We can't let him.
If flagship pulls its
$1.5 billion, it gets public.
Other institutions go, too.
Whole thing could domino.
Get with Sykes,
keep them on board.
That's just why I'm telling you
to keep it
a little more low-key.
Who's more low-key
than me?
♪ Not that it's wrong,
that it needs righting ♪
♪ Just all alone,
I been high tiding ♪
♪ Just all alone,
I been high tiding ♪
So, the key
to bagging axe is...?
Pete Decker.
Oh.
His fund. Has to be.
We start with Decker
since he had the longest tenure
at axe capital
of anyone who left
with axe's backing.
Get me some more of those
cold sesame noodles, would you?
Get me some more of those
cold sesame noodles, would you?
No, these are...
These are dandan noodles.
Same fucking thing.
No. No, one's szechuan,
the other taiwanese.
It's a whole thing.
You know, this is why
I don't mind the hours.
I'm always learning something
on the job. It's incredible.
Yeah, tell him
about general tso's, Bryan.
Oh, no, he flings this shit
at you, too?
Sprays it all around.
The only place you've ever been
is Asia,
you can't help yourself.
Here... indictments
on that Ponzi thing.
Tell me about the general,
Bryan. Come on.
Well, now you've done it.
General tso, he was
a statesman in the qing dynasty.
General tso, he was
a statesman in the qing dynasty.
Suppressed a revolution.
Oh, and now
he has the true glory.
A fried chicken dish named
for him the world over, huh?
That was created in America.
Maybe after we nail axe,
they'll reciprocate...
Name a dish after you
in China, huh?
Oh-ho. General Chuck's?
Really, what would that...
What would that look like,
a burger with the cheese
cooked on the inside?
You really think I could ever be
that richly honored?
Hey, I will make it so.
Not if we're still stuck.
We need to find a way to get
Pete Decker on the hook, right?
We need to find a way to get
Pete Decker on the hook, right?
Decker hires young, and he pays
at the top of the range.
Now, once these guys get a taste
for that kind of money,
they get desperate
to keep it going.
Start tracking
all of his analysts and traders.
Next one makes a mistake,
we're right there.
Nice move.
Just like smoking in the
girls' bathroom at St. Mary's.
You had to be quick,
or you'd be over a nun's knee.
You had to be quick,
or you'd be over a nun's knee.
That's a fun picture
to have in my head.
Mm. Yeah.
They weren't that kind of nun.
They looked like dick Cheney.
Look at that.
That is such a shitty name
on such a great building.
Oh, don't.
Don't focus on that.
Think of all the good
that's going on here tonight.
Can't.
It Mars everything.
The name up there
should mean something.
Should add...
Add to the luster of the place.
Just don't look.
I like the building.
I like the building.
How much?
Good question.
They're about to pass the hat.
Get rid of this for us,
will you?
Mm-hmm.
Bobby!
Birchy!
Pchoo!
Blow it up.
Yeah, baby.
Ohhh.
Oh!
What are you doing to me?
You're making me weak.
Time to power up.
Ohh!
That hits the spot.
Mmm.
Oh, fuck.
It's work.
It's my work ring.
Jesus.
It's kornbluth.
Thought you left white-collar
crime to cover the election.
That's true,
but I stumbled onto one too good
to give someone else.
Get to it.
Get to it.
What do you know
about Steven birch
and arcadian railroad?
What?
What do you have?
Birch made a big play
in the railroad...
Captured 43%
before good numbers,
and expansion plans
were announced
with inside information.
We want to know
where the U.S. attorney
for the Southern district
stands on an investigation.
I'm posting this on the web
in five minutes.
It's already on the desk.
It'd be better
with a comment for you...
But I can't wait.
It's late. That might not be
enough time to get a comment.
I'm posting it.
We can't get beat on this story.
I'm posting it.
We can't get beat on this story.
You can't run it
without a motherfucking quote.
Oh, god.
Tara mohr?
Yeah, you're on speaker.
Financial journal called
for comment on Steven birch.
What about him?
They're running a story
that he made illegal trades
on arcadian railroad
and that the evidence
is incontrovertible.
Stall while we check.
But this sounds like bullshit.
I mean,
how could the paper have that
before we do...
Or the FBI?
You know, I went to school with
a few guys who work for birch.
You know, I went to school with
a few guys who work for birch.
You want me to...
Yes, right now.
Get Terri mccue over at FBI
up on this, too... now.
Right.
I'm not tolling any bells
for you, Bobby.
Sounds a bit like you are.
There's a reason
you retained my firm.
Ah, fuck the firm...
A bunch of rich, young lawyers.
There's a reason
you retained me... me.
And that is...
I look far enough down the road
to let you
avoid the speed traps.
Okay.
What do you see?
What do you see?
U.S. attorney
needs to bag you.
Rhoades could bring it quick
or take two years.
Two years? Then it becomes
a three-front war...
P.R., redemptions,
and the government.
It's not too early to start a
makeover of the firm's culture.
What fucking culture?
Big returns that beat the street
by double digits
year in, year out,
making our investors rich?
That culture?
No... the rep.
Smart money...
Maybe a little too smart.
If they bring an action,
the whole strategy becomes
about leveraging a settlement...
A deferred prosecution agreement
and forfeiture
a deferred prosecution agreement
and forfeiture
that lets you keep working.
And the best way to get that is
to act like you'd never settle.
I'd never settle.
That's the public posture,
for sure.
I'd never settle.
Yeah.
- That's a good delivery.
- That'll work.
Thank you! Thank you! I'm
gonna go find my table.
Thank you.
How you doing?
My name is penn jillette
of penn and teller,
and we're gonna give
as much money as we can.
I will hurt myself,
then you will hurt yourself
with money.
Then you will hurt yourself
with money.
Gonna look like this.
Think about how much that hurts
and think about
how good you would feel
if you gave a million dollars.
Who's giving a million dollars?
Stand up.
Come on!
A million dollars!
Starting at a stick.
Fuck it.
$1 million!
I'll do it.
I'll do it.
Oh!
You're a good man!
No better than you.
Wonderful. Wonderful.
That's good.
Who are the cheapskates
giving a half a million?
Come on!
Come on.
Half a million up there.
Get the fuck up,
or people will think
I'm not paying you enough.
Can I see $250,000?
I'll get everybody standing up
eventually.
They will not let teller go
unless everybody stands up.
They will not let teller go
unless everybody stands up.
How about $250,000 over here?
Holy shit.
Financial journal
just pasted birch.
100 grand... stand up.
Anybody else?
Anybody making $50,000?
How about $25,000?
Anybody making $50,000?
How about $25,000?
He's gonna want
that million back.
Everybody should be standing up
at this point!
Hey. You need a minute
before we...
For what?
Pump-up sesh
for the morning meeting,
like every week.
Like every week.
Not happening.
Oh, what the fuck, wend?
I count on it.
It's how I get in there
and deal with those animals.
Canceled until further notice.
You don't need it...
Not anymore.
You're the best P.M.
on the floor.
You know it.
They're fucking sure of it.
Those animals are used to you
putting them down now.
Hardly even whimper
as it happens.
Our sesh, while fun,
is a waste of your time.
And mine.
Go get 'em!
Fuckin' a.
Fuckin' a.
You just did it, didn't you?
All right.
3 feet apart, all right?
Tres, all right?
And mucha agua en la mañana.
Can you tell him no food and
lots of water in the morning?
He knows.
Does he? Yeah?
'Cause I don't feel like
I'm getting much back from him.
I know you get it.
You know lu wants to do
zucchini flowers on special
now that the frost is gone,
so let's be ready
when they come in.
So let's be ready
when they come in.
You got it, boss.
All right, ladies and gentlemen.
We are up 32%
year-to-date,
and we are open
to all moneymaking ideas.
Longs, shorts, sells, covers...
All Alpha welcome.
The choppy waters out there
are perfect... for us.
For the average investor,
hell no.
But never forget... what's
bad for him is good for us.
If... if we're as smart
as we think we are.
If not, the heat'll melt us
like an almond joy in the sun.
If not, the heat'll melt us
like an almond joy in the sun.
So, are you smart enough?
Some of us fuckin' are.
How about you, pouch?
How am I
supposed to answer that?
You already have.
Sadly.
What happened
on Eureka trans-ship?
You knew they were gonna
whiff their numbers.
Why didn't you
bang the short harder?
You left 5 fucking percent
on the table.
I thought they were gonna whiff,
but I didn't know.
You are such a pussy
on the short side.
Go home and get
your fuckin' shinebox.
Go home and get
your fuckin' shinebox.
Insulted him a little bit.
Yeah, a little bit.
Axe, you saw my position.
You could have upped him.
That's what I'm paying you for.
You see an opportunity
like that again, you grab it
like it's a horse cock
and you're Catherine the great.
Okay, okay.
Saldana, why are we still
tied up in those hospitals?
Baby boomers.
They're getting old,
so they're getting sick.
When the group reports
patient volumes,
it's gonna overshoot
street expectations.
We're talking 10% move.
That incremental revenue will
drop right to the bottom line,
that incremental revenue will
drop right to the bottom line,
and the stock's gonna pop
like a prom queen's cherry.
Good fucking answer.
It really is.
God damn it.
Okay, new-idea time.
Donnie caan,
what do you have for us?
I think apple still has room
to move north.
Really?
Our investors pay us
a 3% management fee
and 30% of their profits,
and you want me to tell them
we're buying some fucking apple?
And you want me to tell them
we're buying some fucking apple?
Sorry, axe.
I-I guess I'm just not
seeing the matrix right now.
That's a little
unsettling, Donnie...
Since seeing the matrix
is your entire fucking job.
It's kind of like
if you were a hurdler
and instead of jumping
over the fucking hurdles...
It's okay, Donnie.
You'll see it again.
Hang in.
Okay, guys?
Let's go out there,
bring some meat back to camp.
Or some nuts.
Hunt or gather.
I'm sorry. I tried to give you
the heads-up, but...
Phones down.
We're s.E.C. Compliance.
I need all portfolio managers
and analysts
to return to their desks.
Traders, stay here.
Case officers will meet each pod
and expect full cooperation.
Better answer their questions.
Cooperate.
This group of energy trades...
This group of energy trades...
I'd like you to supply
the research behind them.
I was tasked, so I supplied it.
Right, but going through
your reports, I see gaps.
Like this boardwalk pipeline
move... what supported it?
It was
an event-driven strategy.
Okay, it was based
on an unsolicited tip.
The trade
was near 100,000 shares.
Close to a $2.5 million position
based on a rumor.
It seemed...
Solid.
Looking at tele-comm...
This verizon trade?
Looking at tele-comm...
This verizon trade?
It's part
of an event-driven macroplay.
Bullshit.
All right, I got a tip.
And the pharmaceutical trades?
That was phone-a-tip.
Incoming tip.
What am I, a fucking schmuck?
Of course I'm gonna listen.
That was
a prom-night promise.
And that means...?
"Just the tip."
So, this is your entire
book and trading history
for the past three months?
That's right.
Wow.
Bit of a rough patch, huh?
Seriously?
Seriously?
I need to see your trades
for the past 90 days.
Unless you got a Wells notice
with my name on it,
you're not gonna see Jack shit.
Come on, we can pull it all down
from the server anyway,
so you may as well cooperate.
Mm. Good point.
Lawyer.
Your boss said
you should cooperate.
Oh. Lawyer.
Just answer the question.
You answer me one.
How much do you make?
I'm gonna need access to
your files, paper, and computer.
I'm gonna need access to
your files, paper, and computer.
For what?
I'm authorized to check
that all trades comply...
I'm not a trader.
Whatever you call yourself,
after I review...
My files are confidential.
You're not seeing them.
You can call the Attorney
General if you want,
and tell her I say "hi"
if you do.
We had dinner last month.
Otherwise, fuck off.
Enough. Okay?
Enough.
Enough. Okay?
Enough.
I hope you enjoyed
the lifeboat drill this morning.
Are you kidding me?
We did not do well.
In fact, we sank.
If it were a real s.E.C. Raid,
we would have been fucked.
Get the fuck out of here.
I shit my pants for nothing?
I didn't do this
for my amusement.
What happened to Steven birch...
Who I am sure will be cleared
of any wrongdoing...
It could happen to us.
So we need to be prepared.
To that end, say "hello"
to that end, say "hello"
to our new and improved
compliance department.
These assholes work here now?
That, they do.
They're here for our support
and our protection,
and you will not
even be taking a piss
without them close enough
to give it a shake.
From here on,
we evaluate every move...
Not just for the upside,
but for its ethical grounding.
We have to be more pure
than the virgin Mary
before her first period.
Fuck, WAGS.
How the hell are we
supposed to make any money?
How the hell are we
supposed to make any money?
You think this is a joke,
Victor?
You, in particular,
were flagged.
Flagged?
Your short on that chip maker.
Eleva peripherals.
Netted 38% fresh blubber
on that seal hunt.
Rotten carcass...
Over the line.
We're lucky the s.E.C.
Hasn't come calling already.
You're done.
Fired.
Clear out.
Leave your key cards.
Leave your key cards.
This is bullshit.
I didn't do anything
out-of-bounds...
No more than anyone else.
Did I sign off on that trade?
No, I did not.
Don't say anything else.
I trusted you
with my name and my capital,
and you fucked me.
You put us all at risk
with your deceitful,
illegal moves.
Now get out of here.
All right, everybody,
back at it.
Play hard, play clean.
Be careful out there.
That was
a hell of a public spanking.
Make sure our investors
know about it.
On it.
I'm gonna make sure garth Sykes
hears about it a.S.A.P.
You're gonna be a god
on the street by lunchtime.
I thought I already was one.
Greater god.
Don't you fuckin' touch me!
Or my cellphone.
I was going to tell you
about the compliance gag,
but you didn't show up
at the charity dinner,
and then...
Then... I was half a hallway
from your office.
Try again.
Try again.
Honest?
It was an oversight.
No, it wasn't.
You don't make them.
And that matters.
But what matters more right now
is that Victor
is exactly the wrong person
to fire that way.
That was
spur-of-the-moment.
It was a spur-of-the-moment
fuck-up.
His entire psychological makeup
sets him up to react very poorly
to public humiliation.
The same things that made him
a profit center for you
will make him
a difficult adversary
if he's not handled right.
He will stew and obsess
and find a way
to exact revenge on you.
And find a way
to exact revenge on you.
Okay.
I can see that.
Will you fix it?
Go do it, please.
I made a mistake
not looping you in.
I admit that.
"Mistake."
Last chance.
Okay.
It was a red team drill.
I wanted everybody to react
as they would naturally.
I left you out on purpose.
I left you out on purpose.
And I will make it up to you.
Please deal with Victor.
Sean ayles, please.
It's Lara Axelrod.
Sean. Hi.
This is the call
you've been waiting for.
I wanted to talk to you
about making a donation.
I figured you would.
And about naming rights.
And so
the names on these buildings
and so
the names on these buildings
become more
than just identifiers.
They become signifiers
of a grander age,
when titans of industry
understood
that the purpose of their wealth
was to support
the performative arts
to improve the quality of life
for all those
who live in and visit this city.
Now give me
the gettysburg address.
I'm sorry.
That...
Sounded rehearsed.
I'm vamping.
I'm in a difficult spot.
No, yeah, I know.
Because what you need to tell me
is that the eads family
owns the naming rights
to this building in perpetuity.
But I'm here
offering you $100 million,
which you need to extract
somehow
without giving me what I want.
I'm in a difficult spot.
No, yeah, I know.
Also, "performative"
does not mean "performance."
Most donors like an air of...
I don't.
There are other naming
opportunities on the ground
that would give you the status
and sense of permanence
that you need.
Why is this building
so important to you?
Here's why
it's important to you.
It's the only way you are
getting even a dollar out of me.
Now, I happen to have discovered
that the remaining members
of the eads family
are in a financial pinch.
They need to raise cash.
And they will have a hard time
and they will have a hard time
getting ahold
of the kind of loan they need
to pay off their other loans.
So, I want you to tell them
that I will pay them $25 million
to allow me to replace
their family name with mine.
Then I will donate the 100,
and you can begin
your renovations.
Oh.
There is one condition
I'll need you to sign off on.
There is one condition
I'll need you to sign off on.
Don't scream.
Look there.
What the fuck?
Get out.
I'm calling the police.
You don't want to do that, Tara.
Who the fuck are you?
Your newest and bestest.
You should stay
and listen to me.
Or else this goes viral.
Or else this goes viral.
You're making me weak.
"You're making me weak."
We have... we have training
against this.
You think you're gonna
fucking blackmail me?
So what? I fuck girls, guys.
Who cares?
Everyone fucks.
That thing has no chance
to compromise me.
I hope it at least
gets you off, man.
What gets me off
would disturb you
at such a deep level, honey,
you'd be best-served
never to think about it again.
You'd be best-served
never to think about it again.
Folks in your line care about
that kind of thing, though.
And this...
Your hair...
Which will test positive
for cocaine,
can be in Chuck rhoades' hands
within an hour.
You're gonna watch,
listen, and report,
and everything's gonna be fine.
It's a lot to take in.
We've already gone through
all of this crap.
I heard back from my sources.
There's a war room
set up at birch's.
Lawyers, accountants...
The whole thing.
Guys at his shop
are prepping their résumés.
Well, if it was just smoke,
they'd issue a denial...
Keep working.
Yeah. They're treating this
article like it's a warrant.
Somebody wanted to hurt birch,
and they wanted us
on the ass end.
So they leaked it.
So they leaked it.
And I do not like it.
We need the reins
back in our hands.
Understood.
You want me to stay
on this axe/decker thing?
No.
Set that aside.
Until we know at least as much
as this fucking reporter knows,
let's keep the brights
on Steven birch.
All right.
Get me every article
Randy kornbluth wrote
in the past year.
All of Mike dimonda's articles,
too. We'll start there.
Mike.
Good parlor trick,
knowing my address.
That'll look like
a fun intimidation tactic
when I write this up.
Oh. You're not
writing this up.
Because that would be
a small win,
and you're not in it
for small wins.
No, you've come too far.
Too young an age for that.
I'm in it because people
deserve to know the truth
I'm in it because people
deserve to know the truth
about power and money and...
Whoa. Wait a minute.
What are you, Glenn greenwald
all of a sudden?
Come on.
You know, I've, uh,
I've been reading...
Randy kornbluth lately.
He usually covers
state politics.
He hasn't had a hard
business story in 18 months,
but all of a sudden,
he hooks into
a full-blown crime story...
On Steven birch.
His article quotes
former federal prosecutor
James Robbins,
former federal prosecutor
James Robbins,
who says that the connection
between hedge funds
and company officials
must be probed.
You know who else
likes quoting James Robbins?
You.
Seven times
in the past six months.
He's a widely respected source
with connections...
He's a fucking
rent-a-quote.
I know you really wrote
the birch story,
and I think I know why you chose
to hide that fact.
If I am such a careerist,
why would I ever hide
something that good?
'Cause you thought
it would endear you to someone.
'Cause you thought
it would endear you to someone.
What you should have done,
if you were really playing
an elevated game,
was come to me
with what you had.
See, if I had
something better to give you
in exchange
for you holding on to it...
You have never been willing to
play any kind of game with me.
I didn't know you were ready
to play in the bigs, man.
Now I do.
So, these are the rules.
You tell me who fed you that...
No.
I'm gonna head inside.
Because this conversation
has peaked,
because this conversation
has peaked,
and you don't
get to tell me the rules.
You're correct.
I'm not gonna write up
this ambush.
But I can.
Anytime I want to.
So think about that
the next time
you try and bar me
from a press conference
or dodge my call.
Have a good night.
All right.
Thank you.
Uh...
You know what?
Here's the $20
for whatever the guy in
the blue shirt back there wants.
I got you.
Okay, thank you.
Okay, guys, let's go.
Come on.
Now, you guys remember
when we threw grandpa a surprise
party for his birthday
and we all
had to keep the secret?
Yeah.
Okay. Why do we
have to keep the secret?
To make grandpa happy.
Right.
So this is like that, okay?
Right.
So this is like that, okay?
We don't tell anyone
about the doughnuts
to make mommy happy.
Okay?
Rhoades!
Don't you walk away
before you meet my kids.
Mr. kroll,
we are in a public place...
With, uh, as you say,
our children.
Uh, why don't you guys go sit
on the bench over there, okay?
Take your sister over there.
I-I don't need
your, um... Kindness now.
I-I needed it
at sentencing.
I-I needed it
at sentencing.
This is margo and Stevie.
Hello.
I kept them out of school today
so we could be together
because I go to prison tomorrow.
How do you live with yourself?
How?
Yeah.
I think long and hard
before any prosecution
in my office goes forward.
And I'm proudest of the cases
I choose not to prosecute.
But when I go forward,
it's full guns.
But when I go forward,
it's full guns.
I made one goddamn mistake.
And who got hurt?
No one.
You could have let it go.
You committed mail fraud.
And you knew
that my wife had died...
Suddenly...
And that I was
desperate and lost.
Y-you read the articles.
You... you got letters
from 100 people
who vouched for the man
that I was and would be again.
I'm what those kids have left.
And they won't have me again
for four years.
And they won't have me again
for four years.
Have a nice stroll with yours.
And take your fucking $20
or just... Leave it here
for the birds to pick at.
Let's go, kids.
Daddy's done with this asshole.
You wanted to see me?
Hey.
I want to give you a short
that you're not gonna bail on
too quick.
That you're not gonna bail on
too quick.
Do you know cross-co.?
Cross-co. Trucking.
I've been tracking it.
Mid-size firm,
has a big distribution contract
with that bakery company
yumtime.
Been holding 50.
Fundamentals are solid.
I don't see the short play.
I don't need you to see it.
I need you to do it.
We'll get 50 on the tape.
We'll size up later.
You got a fucking problem
with this?
No.
You plug that investor leakage?
I thought I'd done exactly that,
but I haven't been able
to get garth Sykes on the phone.
He bails, it hurts us.
Yeah. I tried.
But I think I need you
to show face with this guy.
You got this.
That's why I have you.
That fucker thinks that
if you come running over here,
I'm gonna forget he fired me
in front of everyone I know?
Who knows what he thinks?
Who knows what he thinks?
One minute,
you're his most trusted advisor,
the next, you're on the outside.
I'm here because...
I think you might
make it worse for yourself,
and I don't want to see that.
The money I made him...
He treated me like a lowlife.
And that's a trigger for you.
Everyone laughing at me
growing up.
The dyslexia.
Even the teachers.
I sent every one of those pricks
a photo of my first
million-dollar bonus check.
That made you feel really good
for about 24 hours,
and then you hated yourself
for letting them know
they ever got to you.
For letting them know
they ever got to you.
Kind of.
Sometimes.
This is different.
I know plenty
about how axe capital works...
The dirty edge...
The proprietary trading
techniques.
I know how
the secret sauce is made.
Yeah. I'm sure
you could put out
a schott's miscellany
about the place.
Schott's?
It's like a farmer's almanac
for non-farm stuff.
Then, yeah, I could put out
a couple of volumes
of schott's miscellany
about the place.
You just need to ask yourself
one question first...
Are you rich enough
to never get another job?
Are you rich enough
to never get another job?
I did work for that man.
Bribed an oil company c.F.O.
For him...
Stop talking.
We're not in session.
That's not privileged.
Point is, I got
all muddied up for him.
Hard not to rub it
on his clean, white shirt now.
Remember Warren jaffin,
the analyst?
Yeah.
Bright guy?
Bright guy?
That kid was sharp.
Employable?
Real sharp, yeah.
Then he balked at his bonus
one year and got popped.
He got another job right away
at a huge bank...
$3 million a year, guaranteed.
Only, word got back to axe
that Warren had badmouthed him
in the interview...
Said axe
wasn't generous with him.
So axe called
the head of the bank,
asked him to pull the offer
that day, which the guy did.
Can you imagine...
How humiliating that was
for Warren?
How humiliating that was
for Warren?
Probably told his whole family,
all his friends
that he was back.
But axe didn't leave it there.
He called
the president or chairman
of every prime broker, bank,
and fund in the industry
and had him blackballed.
Put it out over the loudspeaker,
direct from
the principal's office...
"if you hire Warren jaffin,
you are my enemy."
Do you know
what Warren does now?
He's got a blog.
You've built a real life
for yourself, Victor...
A long way from queens.
If axe is certain
you'll act like a gentleman,
he will make sure
to take care of you.
You were the one that always
told me to stand up for myself.
When you can win, yes.
The only way you can win now
is by letting it go.
You know,
I have to confess to something.
Okay.
You're not gonna like it.
Fire away.
I took the kids for doughnuts.
I know.
Kevin told me.
Good.
Oh.
You're glad he cracked?
No, I never want them
to keep secrets from you.
They're gonna keep them from me
their entire teenage years.
They should at least know
that they always can confide
in you.
And among your many gifts,
that is a great one.
And among your many gifts,
that is a great one.
Everyone feels like
you're always on their side.
Well, I try to be,
or at least...
Understand
where they're coming from.
That's the wonderful part
of your job.
You get to employ your empathy.
I have to be a real prick
sometimes, you know?
At work.
Yeah.
Sometimes, we all do things
we're not proud of at work.
Sometimes, we all do things
we're not proud of at work.
Well, this is different.
When I was in the park
with the kids,
there was this guy who...
Specifics don't matter.
What does is,
that every once in a while,
there's this thing we say...
"I am never so proud
as when I choose
not to prosecute a case."
And that's true...
In theory.
But once in a while, I wish
that I could just be more...
But once in a while, I wish
that I could just be more...
human.
But I haven't figured out
how to do that
and my job at the same time.
You know?
Being 100% good at your job...
and 100% good...
if you figure that one out,
let's both quit
and write that book.
It's a luxury to relax
every once in a while,
isn't it, garth?
I remember this place...
Fondly.
Look, the stability of this firm
has never been in question.
I need to look into
Axelrod's eyes, hear him say it.
Yeah, he will.
I just wanted to hear you first.
I may be from Kentucky,
but I'm no rube.
I may be from Kentucky,
but I'm no rube.
I don't bet on long shots
when it comes to investing
the pensions of my members.
That's why they trust me
with their $5 billion.
I get nervous, I see someone
like Axelrod running around
spending his money
like he's a goddamn rap singer.
Emcee.
Like a rap emcee.
No, some of 'em sing now.
My kids showed me.
Snoop and kid rock both.
You're right...
You are no rube.
But Bobby Axelrod isn't, either.
We've crushed the s&p
seven years running,
we've crushed the s&p
seven years running,
which means
you have crushed the s&p.
You turn over now.
Everyone beats it...
Till they don't.
When I can I see axe,
talk to him about it?
You don't want
to rush off now, do you?
Here's mccue.
She got some stuff on birch.
You are gonna love my nuts.
Pierre Bernard,
longtime c.F.O. Of the arcadian,
Pierre Bernard,
longtime c.F.O. Of the arcadian,
gets passed over for c.E.O.,
gets censured internally for
certain financial improprieties.
Press clippings
I thought you might want.
And Bernard interviews
for a job at birch
shortly before the trades.
We have secretaries on
both sides confirming the meet.
Birch's trades in arcadian
occur a half-hour afterward.
We alerted our counterparts
up north.
The railroad has fired Bernard.
The Canadians are
considering prosecution.
He's ready to make a statement
implicating birch.
He's ready to make a statement
implicating birch.
At Quantico, they call a case
this straightforward...
Nobody cares.
Of course not.
Why would they?
Rookies always bring up
Quantico.
Uh, do you need something else?
Let me know if you need
pdf backups of those.
Will do.
He is right, though.
This birch thing's a dunker.
Dominique all day.
Wilkins!
So, tomorrow morning, when
the arrest warrant is issued,
along with a search warrant,
we meet near birch's farm,
all right?
You guys take him,
we take his records.
Hey, quick question.
Alan.
Are we gonna handcuff him?
Yeah, obviously.
What about the s.E.C.?
Should we alert them?
We already have.
Press?
Probably, all right?
Probably, all right?
I mean, those news cameras
just have a way of showing up
at the right time, don't they?
So, we're gonna hit 'em
full-on, right? Yes.
We'll get local law enforcement
there on the perimeter,
but with the lights out.
All right, any more questions?
Bryan?
Let's put a pin in the arrest.
Boss?
Boss?
Get birch in here.
It's time to settle.
No, no. N-no way.
We... we have him dead to rights
on this trial.
I'm first chair.
Then it's jail for this jamoke.
We have him dead to rights,
so he'll fold quick,
and then we get back to
what we were doing... Axelrod.
I'm not letting us follow
the riderless horse any longer.
Wait.
Riderless h...
Butch Cassidy
and the Sundance kid.
They were smart.
They sent one of their horses
off in a different direction
so the posse
would have to split up...
So the posse
would have to split up...
Get distracted.
But this was no ordinary posse.
This was a super posse...
The super posse.
Mixed group of superheroes...
A sheriff, a marshal, an Indian.
"Native American."
Sure.
And the cherokee...
Man, he could read
the depth of the impression
the horse's hooves made on rock.
And when he realized they were
chasing a riderless horse...
And when he realized they were
chasing a riderless horse...
they got right back
on butch's trail.
I remember now.
I watched it with my dad
on one of the Saturdays
he showed up.
I didn't root
for the super posse.
I rooted for butch and Sundance.
Of course you did.
We all did.
But that's not who we are
anymore.
How are you, Bobby?
Hey, garth.
Ken.
I'd call you "sir Ken"
out of respect
for your advanced age
and your accomplishments,
but, as much as you'd like it,
you were born in Chicago,
and no one born there
was ever knighted.
He would like it
if we called him "sir."
He is that type.
You are that type, Ken.
You are that type, Ken.
And then
what would we call you, axe?
Oh, hell, Kenny, call me
whatever the fuck you want.
Or better, don't ever call me.
You know the reason
why you should never call me?
Because you're a poacher, Ken,
and guys like garth and me,
we do not like poachers.
Come drag a deer off my land,
see what the fuck
happens to you.
Well, now that you've joined us,
let me ask you...
How you doing?
I'm gonna let you in
on something here, garth.
I'm gonna let you in
on something here, garth.
Hedge fund guys
only ask that question
when they know
the other guy is running bad,
which he thinks because
you are sitting with him.
Oh, we're just catching up.
And you still haven't answered.
It's a "crush the other guy"
business.
It's like "highlander"...
There can be only one.
I don't blame you, Ken.
I'd do the same thing.
But I'm up 32% this year,
which, from what I know
of your run-and-hide approach,
is 30 points better than
what you are at vista verde.
Is 30 points better than
what you are at vista verde.
Well, you can call it
what you want,
but I call it "careful."
Risk-averse.
When I opened my fund,
I was very aware
of the responsibility
that people like garth
put in my hands,
which is why
I hedge my investments.
I protect the downside.
I may not be a rock star,
but I'm still plugging away,
all these many years later.
Have fun with your plugger.
Have fun with your plugger.
Can we step away for a sec?
I love talking to you, axe,
and you made us
a shit ton of money, but...
I need to keep things
nice and comfy...
Results and optics.
My job's to spot
the fund manager
taking his eye off the ball
before he strikes out.
That's what my members count on.
And they see someone like
Kenneth, dry ass that he is,
and they see someone like
Kenneth, dry ass that he is,
as solid...
Part of the firmament.
Sometimes that's important.
I hear you.
And I know you hated
the headline in the newspaper.
Do what you have to do.
But I hope
that in the days to come,
you see me
as part of that firmament.
I think you will.
You've all seen
the evidence we've gathered
regarding your railroad trades.
If we prevail at trial...
Which we're confident we will...
The federal sentencing
guidelines
call for you to serve 11 years.
We understand
that you have young children.
Well, maybe
they'll be out of college
by the time you're released.
By the time you're released.
Maybe you can make it
to their weddings.
But like we told your lawyers,
we're willing to forgo that
for a quick plea...
An admission of guilt,
a forfeiture money judgment
of $386 million.
As well as the voluntary
shuttering of your fund
and conversion of it
to a family office.
You'll no longer handle
any outside money.
I can get the s.E.C. In here
right now to do that
if you don't agree.
So, settlement or trial?
So, settlement or trial?
We're prepared to fight this
for as long as we...
I...
Came here today to take a deal.
I don't want to go to jail.
Wise choice, Mr. birch.
Stay in the light.
You won't be getting
a chance like this again.
This doesn't have to be over.
I'm actually relieved
we settled.
Comfortable?
For the first time
all fucking day.
Well, I have someone
coming in here soon,
and they might be a little
freaked to see their boss...
I just came by to say
"thank you" and "sorry"...
Two words
I don't say very often.
Two words
I don't say very often.
So it's handled with Victor?
You nailed it...
On every count.
And he got paid.
I used everything I knew about
him to make him capitulate.
That's why I asked you to go.
You know why I went?
For you.
You and I...
We've never let each other down
in all these years.
And I wasn't about to start
because you acted
like that never happened.
Because you acted
like that never happened.
Cut me out again...
And I'm gone.
I know.
I won't.
Ellis eads.
We are honored to share this
privilege with you, Mr. Axelrod.
With you, too,
Mrs. Axelrod.
There's no sharing, Ellis.
It's Axelrod hall now.
No. Of course.
We understand.
You think you do.
Now, I saw
that when I came in here,
you don't remember me, Chad.
I know who you are.
But you don't actually remember.
But you don't actually remember.
We've met before.
I caddied at the spoon
when I was a kid.
It was the perfect summer job.
I carried your grandfather's bag
quite a few times.
Your bag, too, Chad, in
the summer after middle school.
How funny
that we all end up here.
Now, here's the thing.
A lot of numbers
have been thrown around...
100 for the naming rights,
25 for your name to come down.
But there is one number
that really matters to me...
But there is one number
that really matters to me...
16.
And we'll see if you still think
it's funny, Chad.
$16 is what a caddy got paid
for a loop.
Four hours of humping bags,
smelling sour cigars,
and watching all of you
lie to each other
about your golf scores
in the 95-degree heat,
but I was happy for the job.
That 16 bucks...
And I would do two loops a day,
so it was $32 on a Saturday,
$32 on a Sunday.
So it was $32 on a Saturday,
$32 on a Sunday.
By the end of the weekend,
I'd have 64 bucks.
16 weekends,
memorial to labor day, $1,024.
That was his spending money
for the entire year.
He'd stretch it out
until the next summer.
Pretty much.
Until...
And you were there
for this, Chad...
Your grandfather asked me
to read a putt on 3.
It was a left-to-right leaker,
and I told him so.
I'd seen the putt
all summer long.
He closed the face, pulled it,
missed it by a foot.
He closed the face, pulled it,
missed it by a foot.
You laughed at him.
You made fun of his eyesight.
And he turned to me,
and he fired me right there.
Not from the round,
but from the club.
Now, I needed that $16,
but he didn't give a shit.
Because he was embarrassed
to have missed a putt
in front of his grandson.
Are you saying we are here
because
of that ancient bullshit?
That's right!
16.
Which is why I am presenting you
which is why I am presenting you
with a check for $25 million
minus 16,
which leaves you
with $9 million.
That is bullshit!
This is unacceptable.
Ellis, this is bullshit.
We will walk out of here if
you don't honor the full amount.
No, you won't.
You need this $9 million.
Because none of you...
Not one...
Has done a single day of work
from the moment your miserable
prick of a grandfather
fell facedown in the sand
in palm beach.
And after reviewing
your holdings,
and after reviewing
your holdings,
your business interests,
your debts,
I know that this check
is the only thing
standing between your family
and bankruptcy.
So pick it up,
put it in your pocket,
and walk out of here.
Or I will.
Let's get out of here.
Mnh!
Mnh!
So, now the Axelrod name
will be forever affixed
to this building for all time.
Or until some guy richer than me
wants it to come down.
You really started something.
♪ Not that it's wrong,
that it needs righting ♪
♪ Just all alone,
I've been high tiding ♪
♪ Some quick or some slow ♪
♪ Sometimes it drops so low ♪
♪ And I ride as it rises ♪
♪ Concerns capsizing ♪
When did it become a crime
to succeed in this country?
Everyone has access
to the information.
We just know
how to analyze it better.
Suspect trading pattern
on pepsum pharmaceuticals.
They had inside information.
You must get pings like that
every day.
It's bigger than that.
All three firms have links
to Bobby Axelrod.
This would be a big one.
But a good matador doesn't try
to kill a fresh bull.
But a good matador doesn't try
to kill a fresh bull.
You wait until he's been stuck
a few times.
Why aren't you prosecuting
the investment banks
and hedge funds
for insider trading?
Go ask the 81 convicted felons
of financial crimes
currently serving time.
But you have a very specific
conflict of interest
right in your own home.
Your value to the firm
is absolute.
I've been working there
since before we were married
and long before
you were in office.
I work for the public good.
No, you work for the good
of Chuck rhoades.
Maybe sometimes they intersect.
You know the Norton place
out at the beach?
I just heard Bobby Axelrod
is trying to buy it.
I just heard Bobby Axelrod
is trying to buy it.
How much?
$83 million.
People hate guys
who buy things like that.
You said there was only
one thing you were afraid of...
Guys in windbreakers
walking in your office
saying, "step away
from the computer."
And you told me you'd make sure
it wouldn't happen.
So let me make sure.
Steven birch?
It's either him or you.
Piedmont capital.
Yeah.
That swap deal he did
on arcadian railroad...
Do an autopsy on the deal,
you'll find yourself a pulitzer
in the carcass.
Front fucking page of the post.
It's like he's daring you.
There's movement.
It's likely they've opened
a case file on you.
You know what?
I'm ready.
No, Pete, the gold standard
is never coming back.
No, Pete, the gold standard
is never coming back.
And if it did,
this world would be so fucked,
I'd buy space travel, not gold.
Nice pitch, though.
If I'd have known
it was a gold play,
I'd have never put him through.
Always put that lunatic through.
One out of every 200 ideas
he has is fucking brilliant.
I got this.
Bad idea.
"No man is a hero
to his valet."
That goes double
for his c.O.O.,
so you are fucked with me
either way.
Let's take a car to the city
instead of flying.
Let's take a car to the city
instead of flying.
What's underneath this?
Look, if the U.S. attorney
is really coming,
maybe it's better if we don't
make you more of a target.
And more important,
garth Sykes from flagship.
Hated seeing you
on the cover of the post
with that goddamned
oceanfront mansion.
Teachers in that pension fund
make 40 grand a year.
People who have it spend it.
People who don't have it
like billies better
who spend on other folks.
Charity, good works.
I do, I have, and you know it.
Today, they only remember
the house.
I have a feeling
there'll be another one of us
I have a feeling
there'll be another one of us
on the front pages soon enough,
and they'll forget about that.
But if flagship
does try and withdraw...
We can't let him.
If flagship pulls its
$1.5 billion, it gets public.
Other institutions go, too.
Whole thing could domino.
Get with Sykes,
keep them on board.
That's just why I'm telling you
to keep it
a little more low-key.
Who's more low-key
than me?
♪ Not that it's wrong,
that it needs righting ♪
♪ Just all alone,
I been high tiding ♪
♪ Just all alone,
I been high tiding ♪
So, the key
to bagging axe is...?
Pete Decker.
Oh.
His fund. Has to be.
We start with Decker
since he had the longest tenure
at axe capital
of anyone who left
with axe's backing.
Get me some more of those
cold sesame noodles, would you?
Get me some more of those
cold sesame noodles, would you?
No, these are...
These are dandan noodles.
Same fucking thing.
No. No, one's szechuan,
the other taiwanese.
It's a whole thing.
You know, this is why
I don't mind the hours.
I'm always learning something
on the job. It's incredible.
Yeah, tell him
about general tso's, Bryan.
Oh, no, he flings this shit
at you, too?
Sprays it all around.
The only place you've ever been
is Asia,
you can't help yourself.
Here... indictments
on that Ponzi thing.
Tell me about the general,
Bryan. Come on.
Well, now you've done it.
General tso, he was
a statesman in the qing dynasty.
General tso, he was
a statesman in the qing dynasty.
Suppressed a revolution.
Oh, and now
he has the true glory.
A fried chicken dish named
for him the world over, huh?
That was created in America.
Maybe after we nail axe,
they'll reciprocate...
Name a dish after you
in China, huh?
Oh-ho. General Chuck's?
Really, what would that...
What would that look like,
a burger with the cheese
cooked on the inside?
You really think I could ever be
that richly honored?
Hey, I will make it so.
Not if we're still stuck.
We need to find a way to get
Pete Decker on the hook, right?
We need to find a way to get
Pete Decker on the hook, right?
Decker hires young, and he pays
at the top of the range.
Now, once these guys get a taste
for that kind of money,
they get desperate
to keep it going.
Start tracking
all of his analysts and traders.
Next one makes a mistake,
we're right there.
Nice move.
Just like smoking in the
girls' bathroom at St. Mary's.
You had to be quick,
or you'd be over a nun's knee.
You had to be quick,
or you'd be over a nun's knee.
That's a fun picture
to have in my head.
Mm. Yeah.
They weren't that kind of nun.
They looked like dick Cheney.
Look at that.
That is such a shitty name
on such a great building.
Oh, don't.
Don't focus on that.
Think of all the good
that's going on here tonight.
Can't.
It Mars everything.
The name up there
should mean something.
Should add...
Add to the luster of the place.
Just don't look.
I like the building.
I like the building.
How much?
Good question.
They're about to pass the hat.
Get rid of this for us,
will you?
Mm-hmm.
Bobby!
Birchy!
Pchoo!
Blow it up.
Yeah, baby.
Ohhh.
Oh!
What are you doing to me?
You're making me weak.
Time to power up.
Ohh!
That hits the spot.
Mmm.
Oh, fuck.
It's work.
It's my work ring.
Jesus.
It's kornbluth.
Thought you left white-collar
crime to cover the election.
That's true,
but I stumbled onto one too good
to give someone else.
Get to it.
Get to it.
What do you know
about Steven birch
and arcadian railroad?
What?
What do you have?
Birch made a big play
in the railroad...
Captured 43%
before good numbers,
and expansion plans
were announced
with inside information.
We want to know
where the U.S. attorney
for the Southern district
stands on an investigation.
I'm posting this on the web
in five minutes.
It's already on the desk.
It'd be better
with a comment for you...
But I can't wait.
It's late. That might not be
enough time to get a comment.
I'm posting it.
We can't get beat on this story.
I'm posting it.
We can't get beat on this story.
You can't run it
without a motherfucking quote.
Oh, god.
Tara mohr?
Yeah, you're on speaker.
Financial journal called
for comment on Steven birch.
What about him?
They're running a story
that he made illegal trades
on arcadian railroad
and that the evidence
is incontrovertible.
Stall while we check.
But this sounds like bullshit.
I mean,
how could the paper have that
before we do...
Or the FBI?
You know, I went to school with
a few guys who work for birch.
You know, I went to school with
a few guys who work for birch.
You want me to...
Yes, right now.
Get Terri mccue over at FBI
up on this, too... now.
Right.
I'm not tolling any bells
for you, Bobby.
Sounds a bit like you are.
There's a reason
you retained my firm.
Ah, fuck the firm...
A bunch of rich, young lawyers.
There's a reason
you retained me... me.
And that is...
I look far enough down the road
to let you
avoid the speed traps.
Okay.
What do you see?
What do you see?
U.S. attorney
needs to bag you.
Rhoades could bring it quick
or take two years.
Two years? Then it becomes
a three-front war...
P.R., redemptions,
and the government.
It's not too early to start a
makeover of the firm's culture.
What fucking culture?
Big returns that beat the street
by double digits
year in, year out,
making our investors rich?
That culture?
No... the rep.
Smart money...
Maybe a little too smart.
If they bring an action,
the whole strategy becomes
about leveraging a settlement...
A deferred prosecution agreement
and forfeiture
a deferred prosecution agreement
and forfeiture
that lets you keep working.
And the best way to get that is
to act like you'd never settle.
I'd never settle.
That's the public posture,
for sure.
I'd never settle.
Yeah.
- That's a good delivery.
- That'll work.
Thank you! Thank you! I'm
gonna go find my table.
Thank you.
How you doing?
My name is penn jillette
of penn and teller,
and we're gonna give
as much money as we can.
I will hurt myself,
then you will hurt yourself
with money.
Then you will hurt yourself
with money.
Gonna look like this.
Think about how much that hurts
and think about
how good you would feel
if you gave a million dollars.
Who's giving a million dollars?
Stand up.
Come on!
A million dollars!
Starting at a stick.
Fuck it.
$1 million!
I'll do it.
I'll do it.
Oh!
You're a good man!
No better than you.
Wonderful. Wonderful.
That's good.
Who are the cheapskates
giving a half a million?
Come on!
Come on.
Half a million up there.
Get the fuck up,
or people will think
I'm not paying you enough.
Can I see $250,000?
I'll get everybody standing up
eventually.
They will not let teller go
unless everybody stands up.
They will not let teller go
unless everybody stands up.
How about $250,000 over here?
Holy shit.
Financial journal
just pasted birch.
100 grand... stand up.
Anybody else?
Anybody making $50,000?
How about $25,000?
Anybody making $50,000?
How about $25,000?
He's gonna want
that million back.
Everybody should be standing up
at this point!
Hey. You need a minute
before we...
For what?
Pump-up sesh
for the morning meeting,
like every week.
Like every week.
Not happening.
Oh, what the fuck, wend?
I count on it.
It's how I get in there
and deal with those animals.
Canceled until further notice.
You don't need it...
Not anymore.
You're the best P.M.
on the floor.
You know it.
They're fucking sure of it.
Those animals are used to you
putting them down now.
Hardly even whimper
as it happens.
Our sesh, while fun,
is a waste of your time.
And mine.
Go get 'em!
Fuckin' a.
Fuckin' a.
You just did it, didn't you?
All right.
3 feet apart, all right?
Tres, all right?
And mucha agua en la mañana.
Can you tell him no food and
lots of water in the morning?
He knows.
Does he? Yeah?
'Cause I don't feel like
I'm getting much back from him.
I know you get it.
You know lu wants to do
zucchini flowers on special
now that the frost is gone,
so let's be ready
when they come in.
So let's be ready
when they come in.
You got it, boss.
All right, ladies and gentlemen.
We are up 32%
year-to-date,
and we are open
to all moneymaking ideas.
Longs, shorts, sells, covers...
All Alpha welcome.
The choppy waters out there
are perfect... for us.
For the average investor,
hell no.
But never forget... what's
bad for him is good for us.
If... if we're as smart
as we think we are.
If not, the heat'll melt us
like an almond joy in the sun.
If not, the heat'll melt us
like an almond joy in the sun.
So, are you smart enough?
Some of us fuckin' are.
How about you, pouch?
How am I
supposed to answer that?
You already have.
Sadly.
What happened
on Eureka trans-ship?
You knew they were gonna
whiff their numbers.
Why didn't you
bang the short harder?
You left 5 fucking percent
on the table.
I thought they were gonna whiff,
but I didn't know.
You are such a pussy
on the short side.
Go home and get
your fuckin' shinebox.
Go home and get
your fuckin' shinebox.
Insulted him a little bit.
Yeah, a little bit.
Axe, you saw my position.
You could have upped him.
That's what I'm paying you for.
You see an opportunity
like that again, you grab it
like it's a horse cock
and you're Catherine the great.
Okay, okay.
Saldana, why are we still
tied up in those hospitals?
Baby boomers.
They're getting old,
so they're getting sick.
When the group reports
patient volumes,
it's gonna overshoot
street expectations.
We're talking 10% move.
That incremental revenue will
drop right to the bottom line,
that incremental revenue will
drop right to the bottom line,
and the stock's gonna pop
like a prom queen's cherry.
Good fucking answer.
It really is.
God damn it.
Okay, new-idea time.
Donnie caan,
what do you have for us?
I think apple still has room
to move north.
Really?
Our investors pay us
a 3% management fee
and 30% of their profits,
and you want me to tell them
we're buying some fucking apple?
And you want me to tell them
we're buying some fucking apple?
Sorry, axe.
I-I guess I'm just not
seeing the matrix right now.
That's a little
unsettling, Donnie...
Since seeing the matrix
is your entire fucking job.
It's kind of like
if you were a hurdler
and instead of jumping
over the fucking hurdles...
It's okay, Donnie.
You'll see it again.
Hang in.
Okay, guys?
Let's go out there,
bring some meat back to camp.
Or some nuts.
Hunt or gather.
I'm sorry. I tried to give you
the heads-up, but...
Phones down.
We're s.E.C. Compliance.
I need all portfolio managers
and analysts
to return to their desks.
Traders, stay here.
Case officers will meet each pod
and expect full cooperation.
Better answer their questions.
Cooperate.
This group of energy trades...
This group of energy trades...
I'd like you to supply
the research behind them.
I was tasked, so I supplied it.
Right, but going through
your reports, I see gaps.
Like this boardwalk pipeline
move... what supported it?
It was
an event-driven strategy.
Okay, it was based
on an unsolicited tip.
The trade
was near 100,000 shares.
Close to a $2.5 million position
based on a rumor.
It seemed...
Solid.
Looking at tele-comm...
This verizon trade?
Looking at tele-comm...
This verizon trade?
It's part
of an event-driven macroplay.
Bullshit.
All right, I got a tip.
And the pharmaceutical trades?
That was phone-a-tip.
Incoming tip.
What am I, a fucking schmuck?
Of course I'm gonna listen.
That was
a prom-night promise.
And that means...?
"Just the tip."
So, this is your entire
book and trading history
for the past three months?
That's right.
Wow.
Bit of a rough patch, huh?
Seriously?
Seriously?
I need to see your trades
for the past 90 days.
Unless you got a Wells notice
with my name on it,
you're not gonna see Jack shit.
Come on, we can pull it all down
from the server anyway,
so you may as well cooperate.
Mm. Good point.
Lawyer.
Your boss said
you should cooperate.
Oh. Lawyer.
Just answer the question.
You answer me one.
How much do you make?
I'm gonna need access to
your files, paper, and computer.
I'm gonna need access to
your files, paper, and computer.
For what?
I'm authorized to check
that all trades comply...
I'm not a trader.
Whatever you call yourself,
after I review...
My files are confidential.
You're not seeing them.
You can call the Attorney
General if you want,
and tell her I say "hi"
if you do.
We had dinner last month.
Otherwise, fuck off.
Enough. Okay?
Enough.
Enough. Okay?
Enough.
I hope you enjoyed
the lifeboat drill this morning.
Are you kidding me?
We did not do well.
In fact, we sank.
If it were a real s.E.C. Raid,
we would have been fucked.
Get the fuck out of here.
I shit my pants for nothing?
I didn't do this
for my amusement.
What happened to Steven birch...
Who I am sure will be cleared
of any wrongdoing...
It could happen to us.
So we need to be prepared.
To that end, say "hello"
to that end, say "hello"
to our new and improved
compliance department.
These assholes work here now?
That, they do.
They're here for our support
and our protection,
and you will not
even be taking a piss
without them close enough
to give it a shake.
From here on,
we evaluate every move...
Not just for the upside,
but for its ethical grounding.
We have to be more pure
than the virgin Mary
before her first period.
Fuck, WAGS.
How the hell are we
supposed to make any money?
How the hell are we
supposed to make any money?
You think this is a joke,
Victor?
You, in particular,
were flagged.
Flagged?
Your short on that chip maker.
Eleva peripherals.
Netted 38% fresh blubber
on that seal hunt.
Rotten carcass...
Over the line.
We're lucky the s.E.C.
Hasn't come calling already.
You're done.
Fired.
Clear out.
Leave your key cards.
Leave your key cards.
This is bullshit.
I didn't do anything
out-of-bounds...
No more than anyone else.
Did I sign off on that trade?
No, I did not.
Don't say anything else.
I trusted you
with my name and my capital,
and you fucked me.
You put us all at risk
with your deceitful,
illegal moves.
Now get out of here.
All right, everybody,
back at it.
Play hard, play clean.
Be careful out there.
That was
a hell of a public spanking.
Make sure our investors
know about it.
On it.
I'm gonna make sure garth Sykes
hears about it a.S.A.P.
You're gonna be a god
on the street by lunchtime.
I thought I already was one.
Greater god.
Don't you fuckin' touch me!
Or my cellphone.
I was going to tell you
about the compliance gag,
but you didn't show up
at the charity dinner,
and then...
Then... I was half a hallway
from your office.
Try again.
Try again.
Honest?
It was an oversight.
No, it wasn't.
You don't make them.
And that matters.
But what matters more right now
is that Victor
is exactly the wrong person
to fire that way.
That was
spur-of-the-moment.
It was a spur-of-the-moment
fuck-up.
His entire psychological makeup
sets him up to react very poorly
to public humiliation.
The same things that made him
a profit center for you
will make him
a difficult adversary
if he's not handled right.
He will stew and obsess
and find a way
to exact revenge on you.
And find a way
to exact revenge on you.
Okay.
I can see that.
Will you fix it?
Go do it, please.
I made a mistake
not looping you in.
I admit that.
"Mistake."
Last chance.
Okay.
It was a red team drill.
I wanted everybody to react
as they would naturally.
I left you out on purpose.
I left you out on purpose.
And I will make it up to you.
Please deal with Victor.
Sean ayles, please.
It's Lara Axelrod.
Sean. Hi.
This is the call
you've been waiting for.
I wanted to talk to you
about making a donation.
I figured you would.
And about naming rights.
And so
the names on these buildings
and so
the names on these buildings
become more
than just identifiers.
They become signifiers
of a grander age,
when titans of industry
understood
that the purpose of their wealth
was to support
the performative arts
to improve the quality of life
for all those
who live in and visit this city.
Now give me
the gettysburg address.
I'm sorry.
That...
Sounded rehearsed.
I'm vamping.
I'm in a difficult spot.
No, yeah, I know.
Because what you need to tell me
is that the eads family
owns the naming rights
to this building in perpetuity.
But I'm here
offering you $100 million,
which you need to extract
somehow
without giving me what I want.
I'm in a difficult spot.
No, yeah, I know.
Also, "performative"
does not mean "performance."
Most donors like an air of...
I don't.
There are other naming
opportunities on the ground
that would give you the status
and sense of permanence
that you need.
Why is this building
so important to you?
Here's why
it's important to you.
It's the only way you are
getting even a dollar out of me.
Now, I happen to have discovered
that the remaining members
of the eads family
are in a financial pinch.
They need to raise cash.
And they will have a hard time
and they will have a hard time
getting ahold
of the kind of loan they need
to pay off their other loans.
So, I want you to tell them
that I will pay them $25 million
to allow me to replace
their family name with mine.
Then I will donate the 100,
and you can begin
your renovations.
Oh.
There is one condition
I'll need you to sign off on.
There is one condition
I'll need you to sign off on.
Don't scream.
Look there.
What the fuck?
Get out.
I'm calling the police.
You don't want to do that, Tara.
Who the fuck are you?
Your newest and bestest.
You should stay
and listen to me.
Or else this goes viral.
Or else this goes viral.
You're making me weak.
"You're making me weak."
We have... we have training
against this.
You think you're gonna
fucking blackmail me?
So what? I fuck girls, guys.
Who cares?
Everyone fucks.
That thing has no chance
to compromise me.
I hope it at least
gets you off, man.
What gets me off
would disturb you
at such a deep level, honey,
you'd be best-served
never to think about it again.
You'd be best-served
never to think about it again.
Folks in your line care about
that kind of thing, though.
And this...
Your hair...
Which will test positive
for cocaine,
can be in Chuck rhoades' hands
within an hour.
You're gonna watch,
listen, and report,
and everything's gonna be fine.
It's a lot to take in.
We've already gone through
all of this crap.
I heard back from my sources.
There's a war room
set up at birch's.
Lawyers, accountants...
The whole thing.
Guys at his shop
are prepping their résumés.
Well, if it was just smoke,
they'd issue a denial...
Keep working.
Yeah. They're treating this
article like it's a warrant.
Somebody wanted to hurt birch,
and they wanted us
on the ass end.
So they leaked it.
So they leaked it.
And I do not like it.
We need the reins
back in our hands.
Understood.
You want me to stay
on this axe/decker thing?
No.
Set that aside.
Until we know at least as much
as this fucking reporter knows,
let's keep the brights
on Steven birch.
All right.
Get me every article
Randy kornbluth wrote
in the past year.
All of Mike dimonda's articles,
too. We'll start there.
Mike.
Good parlor trick,
knowing my address.
That'll look like
a fun intimidation tactic
when I write this up.
Oh. You're not
writing this up.
Because that would be
a small win,
and you're not in it
for small wins.
No, you've come too far.
Too young an age for that.
I'm in it because people
deserve to know the truth
I'm in it because people
deserve to know the truth
about power and money and...
Whoa. Wait a minute.
What are you, Glenn greenwald
all of a sudden?
Come on.
You know, I've, uh,
I've been reading...
Randy kornbluth lately.
He usually covers
state politics.
He hasn't had a hard
business story in 18 months,
but all of a sudden,
he hooks into
a full-blown crime story...
On Steven birch.
His article quotes
former federal prosecutor
James Robbins,
former federal prosecutor
James Robbins,
who says that the connection
between hedge funds
and company officials
must be probed.
You know who else
likes quoting James Robbins?
You.
Seven times
in the past six months.
He's a widely respected source
with connections...
He's a fucking
rent-a-quote.
I know you really wrote
the birch story,
and I think I know why you chose
to hide that fact.
If I am such a careerist,
why would I ever hide
something that good?
'Cause you thought
it would endear you to someone.
'Cause you thought
it would endear you to someone.
What you should have done,
if you were really playing
an elevated game,
was come to me
with what you had.
See, if I had
something better to give you
in exchange
for you holding on to it...
You have never been willing to
play any kind of game with me.
I didn't know you were ready
to play in the bigs, man.
Now I do.
So, these are the rules.
You tell me who fed you that...
No.
I'm gonna head inside.
Because this conversation
has peaked,
because this conversation
has peaked,
and you don't
get to tell me the rules.
You're correct.
I'm not gonna write up
this ambush.
But I can.
Anytime I want to.
So think about that
the next time
you try and bar me
from a press conference
or dodge my call.
Have a good night.
All right.
Thank you.
Uh...
You know what?
Here's the $20
for whatever the guy in
the blue shirt back there wants.
I got you.
Okay, thank you.
Okay, guys, let's go.
Come on.
Now, you guys remember
when we threw grandpa a surprise
party for his birthday
and we all
had to keep the secret?
Yeah.
Okay. Why do we
have to keep the secret?
To make grandpa happy.
Right.
So this is like that, okay?
Right.
So this is like that, okay?
We don't tell anyone
about the doughnuts
to make mommy happy.
Okay?
Rhoades!
Don't you walk away
before you meet my kids.
Mr. kroll,
we are in a public place...
With, uh, as you say,
our children.
Uh, why don't you guys go sit
on the bench over there, okay?
Take your sister over there.
I-I don't need
your, um... Kindness now.
I-I needed it
at sentencing.
I-I needed it
at sentencing.
This is margo and Stevie.
Hello.
I kept them out of school today
so we could be together
because I go to prison tomorrow.
How do you live with yourself?
How?
Yeah.
I think long and hard
before any prosecution
in my office goes forward.
And I'm proudest of the cases
I choose not to prosecute.
But when I go forward,
it's full guns.
But when I go forward,
it's full guns.
I made one goddamn mistake.
And who got hurt?
No one.
You could have let it go.
You committed mail fraud.
And you knew
that my wife had died...
Suddenly...
And that I was
desperate and lost.
Y-you read the articles.
You... you got letters
from 100 people
who vouched for the man
that I was and would be again.
I'm what those kids have left.
And they won't have me again
for four years.
And they won't have me again
for four years.
Have a nice stroll with yours.
And take your fucking $20
or just... Leave it here
for the birds to pick at.
Let's go, kids.
Daddy's done with this asshole.
You wanted to see me?
Hey.
I want to give you a short
that you're not gonna bail on
too quick.
That you're not gonna bail on
too quick.
Do you know cross-co.?
Cross-co. Trucking.
I've been tracking it.
Mid-size firm,
has a big distribution contract
with that bakery company
yumtime.
Been holding 50.
Fundamentals are solid.
I don't see the short play.
I don't need you to see it.
I need you to do it.
We'll get 50 on the tape.
We'll size up later.
You got a fucking problem
with this?
No.
You plug that investor leakage?
I thought I'd done exactly that,
but I haven't been able
to get garth Sykes on the phone.
He bails, it hurts us.
Yeah. I tried.
But I think I need you
to show face with this guy.
You got this.
That's why I have you.
That fucker thinks that
if you come running over here,
I'm gonna forget he fired me
in front of everyone I know?
Who knows what he thinks?
Who knows what he thinks?
One minute,
you're his most trusted advisor,
the next, you're on the outside.
I'm here because...
I think you might
make it worse for yourself,
and I don't want to see that.
The money I made him...
He treated me like a lowlife.
And that's a trigger for you.
Everyone laughing at me
growing up.
The dyslexia.
Even the teachers.
I sent every one of those pricks
a photo of my first
million-dollar bonus check.
That made you feel really good
for about 24 hours,
and then you hated yourself
for letting them know
they ever got to you.
For letting them know
they ever got to you.
Kind of.
Sometimes.
This is different.
I know plenty
about how axe capital works...
The dirty edge...
The proprietary trading
techniques.
I know how
the secret sauce is made.
Yeah. I'm sure
you could put out
a schott's miscellany
about the place.
Schott's?
It's like a farmer's almanac
for non-farm stuff.
Then, yeah, I could put out
a couple of volumes
of schott's miscellany
about the place.
You just need to ask yourself
one question first...
Are you rich enough
to never get another job?
Are you rich enough
to never get another job?
I did work for that man.
Bribed an oil company c.F.O.
For him...
Stop talking.
We're not in session.
That's not privileged.
Point is, I got
all muddied up for him.
Hard not to rub it
on his clean, white shirt now.
Remember Warren jaffin,
the analyst?
Yeah.
Bright guy?
Bright guy?
That kid was sharp.
Employable?
Real sharp, yeah.
Then he balked at his bonus
one year and got popped.
He got another job right away
at a huge bank...
$3 million a year, guaranteed.
Only, word got back to axe
that Warren had badmouthed him
in the interview...
Said axe
wasn't generous with him.
So axe called
the head of the bank,
asked him to pull the offer
that day, which the guy did.
Can you imagine...
How humiliating that was
for Warren?
How humiliating that was
for Warren?
Probably told his whole family,
all his friends
that he was back.
But axe didn't leave it there.
He called
the president or chairman
of every prime broker, bank,
and fund in the industry
and had him blackballed.
Put it out over the loudspeaker,
direct from
the principal's office...
"if you hire Warren jaffin,
you are my enemy."
Do you know
what Warren does now?
He's got a blog.
You've built a real life
for yourself, Victor...
A long way from queens.
If axe is certain
you'll act like a gentleman,
he will make sure
to take care of you.
You were the one that always
told me to stand up for myself.
When you can win, yes.
The only way you can win now
is by letting it go.
You know,
I have to confess to something.
Okay.
You're not gonna like it.
Fire away.
I took the kids for doughnuts.
I know.
Kevin told me.
Good.
Oh.
You're glad he cracked?
No, I never want them
to keep secrets from you.
They're gonna keep them from me
their entire teenage years.
They should at least know
that they always can confide
in you.
And among your many gifts,
that is a great one.
And among your many gifts,
that is a great one.
Everyone feels like
you're always on their side.
Well, I try to be,
or at least...
Understand
where they're coming from.
That's the wonderful part
of your job.
You get to employ your empathy.
I have to be a real prick
sometimes, you know?
At work.
Yeah.
Sometimes, we all do things
we're not proud of at work.
Sometimes, we all do things
we're not proud of at work.
Well, this is different.
When I was in the park
with the kids,
there was this guy who...
Specifics don't matter.
What does is,
that every once in a while,
there's this thing we say...
"I am never so proud
as when I choose
not to prosecute a case."
And that's true...
In theory.
But once in a while, I wish
that I could just be more...
But once in a while, I wish
that I could just be more...
human.
But I haven't figured out
how to do that
and my job at the same time.
You know?
Being 100% good at your job...
and 100% good...
if you figure that one out,
let's both quit
and write that book.
It's a luxury to relax
every once in a while,
isn't it, garth?
I remember this place...
Fondly.
Look, the stability of this firm
has never been in question.
I need to look into
Axelrod's eyes, hear him say it.
Yeah, he will.
I just wanted to hear you first.
I may be from Kentucky,
but I'm no rube.
I may be from Kentucky,
but I'm no rube.
I don't bet on long shots
when it comes to investing
the pensions of my members.
That's why they trust me
with their $5 billion.
I get nervous, I see someone
like Axelrod running around
spending his money
like he's a goddamn rap singer.
Emcee.
Like a rap emcee.
No, some of 'em sing now.
My kids showed me.
Snoop and kid rock both.
You're right...
You are no rube.
But Bobby Axelrod isn't, either.
We've crushed the s&p
seven years running,
we've crushed the s&p
seven years running,
which means
you have crushed the s&p.
You turn over now.
Everyone beats it...
Till they don't.
When I can I see axe,
talk to him about it?
You don't want
to rush off now, do you?
Here's mccue.
She got some stuff on birch.
You are gonna love my nuts.
Pierre Bernard,
longtime c.F.O. Of the arcadian,
Pierre Bernard,
longtime c.F.O. Of the arcadian,
gets passed over for c.E.O.,
gets censured internally for
certain financial improprieties.
Press clippings
I thought you might want.
And Bernard interviews
for a job at birch
shortly before the trades.
We have secretaries on
both sides confirming the meet.
Birch's trades in arcadian
occur a half-hour afterward.
We alerted our counterparts
up north.
The railroad has fired Bernard.
The Canadians are
considering prosecution.
He's ready to make a statement
implicating birch.
He's ready to make a statement
implicating birch.
At Quantico, they call a case
this straightforward...
Nobody cares.
Of course not.
Why would they?
Rookies always bring up
Quantico.
Uh, do you need something else?
Let me know if you need
pdf backups of those.
Will do.
He is right, though.
This birch thing's a dunker.
Dominique all day.
Wilkins!
So, tomorrow morning, when
the arrest warrant is issued,
along with a search warrant,
we meet near birch's farm,
all right?
You guys take him,
we take his records.
Hey, quick question.
Alan.
Are we gonna handcuff him?
Yeah, obviously.
What about the s.E.C.?
Should we alert them?
We already have.
Press?
Probably, all right?
Probably, all right?
I mean, those news cameras
just have a way of showing up
at the right time, don't they?
So, we're gonna hit 'em
full-on, right? Yes.
We'll get local law enforcement
there on the perimeter,
but with the lights out.
All right, any more questions?
Bryan?
Let's put a pin in the arrest.
Boss?
Boss?
Get birch in here.
It's time to settle.
No, no. N-no way.
We... we have him dead to rights
on this trial.
I'm first chair.
Then it's jail for this jamoke.
We have him dead to rights,
so he'll fold quick,
and then we get back to
what we were doing... Axelrod.
I'm not letting us follow
the riderless horse any longer.
Wait.
Riderless h...
Butch Cassidy
and the Sundance kid.
They were smart.
They sent one of their horses
off in a different direction
so the posse
would have to split up...
So the posse
would have to split up...
Get distracted.
But this was no ordinary posse.
This was a super posse...
The super posse.
Mixed group of superheroes...
A sheriff, a marshal, an Indian.
"Native American."
Sure.
And the cherokee...
Man, he could read
the depth of the impression
the horse's hooves made on rock.
And when he realized they were
chasing a riderless horse...
And when he realized they were
chasing a riderless horse...
they got right back
on butch's trail.
I remember now.
I watched it with my dad
on one of the Saturdays
he showed up.
I didn't root
for the super posse.
I rooted for butch and Sundance.
Of course you did.
We all did.
But that's not who we are
anymore.
How are you, Bobby?
Hey, garth.
Ken.
I'd call you "sir Ken"
out of respect
for your advanced age
and your accomplishments,
but, as much as you'd like it,
you were born in Chicago,
and no one born there
was ever knighted.
He would like it
if we called him "sir."
He is that type.
You are that type, Ken.
You are that type, Ken.
And then
what would we call you, axe?
Oh, hell, Kenny, call me
whatever the fuck you want.
Or better, don't ever call me.
You know the reason
why you should never call me?
Because you're a poacher, Ken,
and guys like garth and me,
we do not like poachers.
Come drag a deer off my land,
see what the fuck
happens to you.
Well, now that you've joined us,
let me ask you...
How you doing?
I'm gonna let you in
on something here, garth.
I'm gonna let you in
on something here, garth.
Hedge fund guys
only ask that question
when they know
the other guy is running bad,
which he thinks because
you are sitting with him.
Oh, we're just catching up.
And you still haven't answered.
It's a "crush the other guy"
business.
It's like "highlander"...
There can be only one.
I don't blame you, Ken.
I'd do the same thing.
But I'm up 32% this year,
which, from what I know
of your run-and-hide approach,
is 30 points better than
what you are at vista verde.
Is 30 points better than
what you are at vista verde.
Well, you can call it
what you want,
but I call it "careful."
Risk-averse.
When I opened my fund,
I was very aware
of the responsibility
that people like garth
put in my hands,
which is why
I hedge my investments.
I protect the downside.
I may not be a rock star,
but I'm still plugging away,
all these many years later.
Have fun with your plugger.
Have fun with your plugger.
Can we step away for a sec?
I love talking to you, axe,
and you made us
a shit ton of money, but...
I need to keep things
nice and comfy...
Results and optics.
My job's to spot
the fund manager
taking his eye off the ball
before he strikes out.
That's what my members count on.
And they see someone like
Kenneth, dry ass that he is,
and they see someone like
Kenneth, dry ass that he is,
as solid...
Part of the firmament.
Sometimes that's important.
I hear you.
And I know you hated
the headline in the newspaper.
Do what you have to do.
But I hope
that in the days to come,
you see me
as part of that firmament.
I think you will.
You've all seen
the evidence we've gathered
regarding your railroad trades.
If we prevail at trial...
Which we're confident we will...
The federal sentencing
guidelines
call for you to serve 11 years.
We understand
that you have young children.
Well, maybe
they'll be out of college
by the time you're released.
By the time you're released.
Maybe you can make it
to their weddings.
But like we told your lawyers,
we're willing to forgo that
for a quick plea...
An admission of guilt,
a forfeiture money judgment
of $386 million.
As well as the voluntary
shuttering of your fund
and conversion of it
to a family office.
You'll no longer handle
any outside money.
I can get the s.E.C. In here
right now to do that
if you don't agree.
So, settlement or trial?
So, settlement or trial?
We're prepared to fight this
for as long as we...
I...
Came here today to take a deal.
I don't want to go to jail.
Wise choice, Mr. birch.
Stay in the light.
You won't be getting
a chance like this again.
This doesn't have to be over.
I'm actually relieved
we settled.
Comfortable?
For the first time
all fucking day.
Well, I have someone
coming in here soon,
and they might be a little
freaked to see their boss...
I just came by to say
"thank you" and "sorry"...
Two words
I don't say very often.
Two words
I don't say very often.
So it's handled with Victor?
You nailed it...
On every count.
And he got paid.
I used everything I knew about
him to make him capitulate.
That's why I asked you to go.
You know why I went?
For you.
You and I...
We've never let each other down
in all these years.
And I wasn't about to start
because you acted
like that never happened.
Because you acted
like that never happened.
Cut me out again...
And I'm gone.
I know.
I won't.
Ellis eads.
We are honored to share this
privilege with you, Mr. Axelrod.
With you, too,
Mrs. Axelrod.
There's no sharing, Ellis.
It's Axelrod hall now.
No. Of course.
We understand.
You think you do.
Now, I saw
that when I came in here,
you don't remember me, Chad.
I know who you are.
But you don't actually remember.
But you don't actually remember.
We've met before.
I caddied at the spoon
when I was a kid.
It was the perfect summer job.
I carried your grandfather's bag
quite a few times.
Your bag, too, Chad, in
the summer after middle school.
How funny
that we all end up here.
Now, here's the thing.
A lot of numbers
have been thrown around...
100 for the naming rights,
25 for your name to come down.
But there is one number
that really matters to me...
But there is one number
that really matters to me...
16.
And we'll see if you still think
it's funny, Chad.
$16 is what a caddy got paid
for a loop.
Four hours of humping bags,
smelling sour cigars,
and watching all of you
lie to each other
about your golf scores
in the 95-degree heat,
but I was happy for the job.
That 16 bucks...
And I would do two loops a day,
so it was $32 on a Saturday,
$32 on a Sunday.
So it was $32 on a Saturday,
$32 on a Sunday.
By the end of the weekend,
I'd have 64 bucks.
16 weekends,
memorial to labor day, $1,024.
That was his spending money
for the entire year.
He'd stretch it out
until the next summer.
Pretty much.
Until...
And you were there
for this, Chad...
Your grandfather asked me
to read a putt on 3.
It was a left-to-right leaker,
and I told him so.
I'd seen the putt
all summer long.
He closed the face, pulled it,
missed it by a foot.
He closed the face, pulled it,
missed it by a foot.
You laughed at him.
You made fun of his eyesight.
And he turned to me,
and he fired me right there.
Not from the round,
but from the club.
Now, I needed that $16,
but he didn't give a shit.
Because he was embarrassed
to have missed a putt
in front of his grandson.
Are you saying we are here
because
of that ancient bullshit?
That's right!
16.
Which is why I am presenting you
which is why I am presenting you
with a check for $25 million
minus 16,
which leaves you
with $9 million.
That is bullshit!
This is unacceptable.
Ellis, this is bullshit.
We will walk out of here if
you don't honor the full amount.
No, you won't.
You need this $9 million.
Because none of you...
Not one...
Has done a single day of work
from the moment your miserable
prick of a grandfather
fell facedown in the sand
in palm beach.
And after reviewing
your holdings,
and after reviewing
your holdings,
your business interests,
your debts,
I know that this check
is the only thing
standing between your family
and bankruptcy.
So pick it up,
put it in your pocket,
and walk out of here.
Or I will.
Let's get out of here.
Mnh!
Mnh!
So, now the Axelrod name
will be forever affixed
to this building for all time.
Or until some guy richer than me
wants it to come down.
You really started something.
♪ Not that it's wrong,
that it needs righting ♪
♪ Just all alone,
I've been high tiding ♪
♪ Some quick or some slow ♪
♪ Sometimes it drops so low ♪
♪ And I ride as it rises ♪
♪ Concerns capsizing ♪