Big Time Rush (2009–2013): Season 3, Episode 2 - Big Time Returns - full transcript

Back from their World Wide tour, the boys are ready for life to return to normal, but how normal can it get when Logan wants Camille to make the first move, Kendall and James fight over Lucy, and Griffin and Gustavo want Carlos to pick the new single as long as it is the song they want?

- Ah, well,

btr's whirlwind world tour

is officially over.

- And now it's back
- to the palmwoods,

- Where the new kids
- have moved in,

- And none of them
- will know us.

- Which means

we have to reestablish

our big time pool, lobby,

and hallway cred

all over again.



- I hate reestablishing cred.

- Hey.

After four continents

and our hotel rooms

- being broken into 19 times,
- I'm looking forward to a little

"nobody knows us

at the palmwoods" relaxing time.

- All:
- Welcome back!

[Noisemakers rattling,

[horns blowing]

- Huh, maybe things
- will be different this season.

- And here's big time rush.

Now would be a good time to use

your complimentary scissors



to get some souvenir hair.

- All:
- Very different.

- As you can see,

they are very fast.

- ♪ Make it count,
- play it straight ♪

- ♪ don't look back,
- don't hesitate ♪

- ♪ what you want,
- what you feel ♪

- ♪ never quit
- and make it real ♪

♪ If you want it all,

lay it on the line ♪

♪ it's the only life you got

so you got to live it big time ♪

- Keep going! Go!

- Just a second,

and let me, uh,

just back the vehicle up, and

we'll continue on with the big

time experience.

- What is going on

around here?

- One, you're famous now.

And two, I'm jealous

that bitters thought of the big

time experience before I did.

- And three, welcome-home hug!

- And Camille will be crashing
- down the door any second

For her welcome-home tackle.

And this year,

I'm gonna let her.

- Wait. So you want to go out
- with Camille again?

- Yup.

- But I'm going to let her
- make the first move,

Thus protecting myself

from the dating disadvantage

of being the pursuer

instead of the pursuee.

It's love science.

- It's something.

- Huh.

Well, she must have forgot

what time we were arriving.

- So a little knock on the door
- might help remind her.

- But if you knock
- on her door,

Isn't that you

making the first move?

- Don't question love science.

- And there's Logan now.

- Speaking of love,

now that btr is famous

and has a top ten hit,

- the jennifers
- will totally date me.

- Isn't that kind of shallow?

- Yeah.

Bye!

- Huh.

With Carlos pursuing

the jens,

that leaves me with sole dibs

on the love of my life:

Lucy.

- Lucy is the love of your life?

- Well, she's smart and hot,

so yeah.

- What would you say
- if I told you

That she winked at me

before we left for tour,

you know, when we sang

by the pool?

- I would say she probably
- had something in her eye

And didn't wink at you.

- Okay, sweetie, let's go.

- But I think
- they're gonna fight.

- All I'm saying is,

is that she winked at me.

- And all I'm saying

is that you should follow

the rule of dibs,

- which states
- that the first person

To utter the word "dibs"

has proprietary claim

on all

car seating, remote controls,

- found money, tasty snack food,
- and girls.

- W...

- any violation of said rule

will result in the violator

having to run one half mile

through a crowded public area

in his underwear.

Anything else?

I didn't think so.

- Whoa, whoa,
- wait a minute!

- Wait!
- Hey, where are you taking me?

Hey, help me!

Okay, what...

Where are you taking me?

- Hello, Carlos.

Welcome back.

- Griffin?

- You could have just called,
- you know.

- No, I always prefer

to do business face-to-face

with sacks.

- Okay, well,

it was great to see you.

But I need to return to...

- what up, yo?

It's jojo on the radio,

and tomorrow, big time rush

- is gonna be here live
- to debut their new single.

- Sweet.

- Even sweeter, Gustavo and I
- have decided to let you

Pick which big time song

jojo plays.

- Great, um, okay.

I-I pick, uh...

- love me, love me,
- I agree.

Let's go tell Gustavo.

- Wait.
- I thought that I was gonna pick.

- You are,

- as long as it's
- love me, love me.

- But if you knock
- on her door,

- Isn't that you
- making the first move?

- Jimbo, what's up?

It's so good to be back.

Big time rush is back.

Whoo!

- I'm calling the cops.

- What?

- Logan?

- Hello, Camille.

- So you guys got back today.

- Yeah, got back today.

- Let me just say
- it is so good to be back.

- Great.

- Great.

Great, great.

Well, I should be going.

- Okay.

- See you around.

- Okay, I'll see you around.

- I really want to tackle him.

- No.

- Logan has to make the first move
- this time.

You always make the first move,

and what's it gotten you?

- An on-again, off-again romance
- filled with question marks

And no commitment.

- Just trust me.

It's love science.

- Oh, hey,
- I'll be on channel four

- If you have any more
- man or bathroom problems

Or man-in-the-bathroom problems.

- Lucy.

- Do you know
- what I was thinking about

All tour long,

- besides,
- "does this have nuts in it?"

You.

- Say no more.

Close your eyes.

- Both:
- Oh!

- Hi.

- Hi.

- So how was your tour?

- Maybe you should ask James
- about that.

- I would,
- but he's crushing on me again,

- And you're not crushing on me,
- which means we can have,

- You know,
- an intelligent conversation.

- Yeah, can't do that right now.

- Why not?

- Because then I'd have to run

- a half mile through a crowd
- in my underwear.

Oh, my god, you're serious.

Why are you all so weird?

- And on your right,
- a possible future love interest

For Kendall and/or James.

- Carlos, I was just

gonna call you.

- Griffin and I always argue
- over which new song to release,

So we've decided

to let you pick it.

- Because you are
- the most honest person we know.

- I'm not always honest.

- See?

- Now, Griffin wants

love me, love me,

- but I think our new hit song
- should be elevate.

- I like love me, love me.

- No, you don't.

- Yes, I do.

- Yes, I do.

- Why?

- Because love me, love me

connects to today's 12-...

- To 21-year-olds who possess

the most disposable cash,

thus selling more

big time rush merchandise.

- Both:
- What's going on here?

- Love me, love me

is our next big time hit.

- Uh, no.
- Elevate is.

- Love me, love me.
- Elevate.

- Love me, love me.
- Elevate!

- Hey, hey.

- Doesn't anybody want to know
- what I think

The next hit should be?

- Both:
- No!

- Now.

- Just make the first move.

- Katie, you know nothing
- of teen love.

- Now, Camille's
- coming to the pool

To read some scripts,

- but instead,
- she's gonna be tackling me.

- He's glowing.

- You can't make
- the first move.

- But he's glowing.

- Shield your eyes

and get out of there.

Run.

- Camille just walkie-talkie'd

to someone and then left.

- Someone told her to leave me?

I just want to be tackled.

- Okay, everyone,
- now would be a great time

- To get out
- and tackle glowing Logan.

- You saw me talk to her.

- Yeah, I did.

Now run in your underwear.

- No.

Because she bumped into me.

- Did we kiss?
- No.

And maybe the rule of dibs

is stupid.

Without rules like dibs,

there's only chaos,

total girl chaos,

which sounds good

but isn't.

How would you like it

if I...

UN-dib-ified

- the fruit pie, cupcake,
- mini doughnuts,

And pinkie puffs that Carlos,

Logan, and me, and, oh, you

- called dibs on
- in the seventh grade?

- You put those down.
- Those are mine.

- Oh, I'll stay away
- from your pinkie puffs,

- And you stay away
- from my Lucy.

- Fine, I'll stay away.

Don't talk to me.

- So you can't talk to me

anymore?

- You're some big star now
- who doesn't have any time

For his friends?

- James has dibs on you.

That's why I can't talk

or hang out with you.

- James has dibs on me?

- Shh!

- So big time rush

just picks out a girl

- and decides who they can
- and cannot date?

- Yeah.

- But it's rules
- that prevent total girl chaos,

- Which sounds good,
- but it isn't.

- What if I called dibs

on you, huh?

- Well, I guess
- we never really thought...

- hey, everybody.

Dibs on Kendall.

And no girl can talk to

or look at him.

Mwah!

- What do you got to say
- about that?

- Do you mind

holding my pants?

- Stop it! Stop it!

- Yes, on bitters'
- big time experience,

You see your favorite stars

- like you've never
- seen them before.

- Jojo on the radio here.

- And remember, tomorrow,
- big time rush.

They're gonna be here live

to play their new single.

- So what's that song

gonna be, Carlos?

- Well, if it wasn't

for Gustavo,

I'd still be in Minnesota

shoveling driveways.

- You're darn right you would.

- But I love the pony
- that Griffin got me.

- And there's more ponies
- where that came from.

- Not fair.

- You're trying
- to buy Carlos' vote.

- Wrong.

I'm simply doing business,

with ponies.

Now, what song's it going to be?

Love me, love me?

- Or elevate?

- Wildfire, away!

- For the last time,

I don't want to date Lucy.

- But Lucy thinks
- we should take girls

Off the dibs rule,

and maybe she's right.

- Oh, yeah, then you can go

tell her how amazing she is

to win her love.

- Plus, you need
- all four members present

To remove a dib-ulation.

- He's right.

- I was there when you signed
- that stupid thing.

- As you can see,

Kendall and James

are fighting over a girl.

And if you'll all look left,

this is the time

mom usually exits the bathroom.

- Bitters!

- And this
- is the part of the tour

Where we leave very quickly.

Go!

- Katie, let's go.

- No, I don't understand

teen love, remember?

- We have to find out
- who's coaching Camille

- And meddling
- with my love science.

- Now, grab a measuring cup,
- and let's go.

- No.

- Could I trouble you
- for a cup of sugar?

- Okay.

Sure.

Oh, hello.

What's going on?

- Logan.

What are you doing?

- Oh, you know,
- probably just gonna tackle

Some chores around the crib,

maybe play some tackle football,

- and then after that,
- maybe do some fishing...

With a tackle box.

Well, I'll see you guys later.

Tackle.

- You know what?

Forget about the sugar.

- I'm telling you,
- he's too cute.

I don't know how much more

of this I can take.

- Think about boogers

hanging out of his nose

and kind of dangling

in the wind.

- Buddha Bob is stopping

her tackles of love?

Well, not for long!

- Hey.

Hello.

Will you please UN-dibs me?

- No girls at the palmwoods
- will even look or talk to me.

- Do you know what the term

"dibs" stands for?

"Dealer identification book,"

- as in, farmers
- would put a chalk Mark

On the back of cows

that were for sale.

Am I a cow to you?

- You're not a cow.

You're great.

- And you're an awesome
- guitar player.

And you speak your mind.

- Heck, yeah, I do.

- And you're

kind of mysterious.

- Oh, I'm very mysterious.

- And you're a good

cheek kisser.

- Do you need me
- to hold your pants?

- Yeah.

- This is unbelievable.

- Mr. Bitters.

- I would like to talk to you
- about your little tour.

- Of course.

- Now, tour, at this moment,
- I'd like you all

- To hold on to the hand railings,
- because...

- We're not done here.

- Why are you telling Camille
- to avoid me?

Huh?

I want some answers now.

- Well, clearly,
- you have commitment issues,

- And you'll never
- be a steady boyfriend

- Till you conquer
- your insecurities

And your fear of rejection.

- Not those answers.

- Logan?

Is that true?

- What's true is, every time
- I come back from a long trip,

You tackle me,

and this time, you didn't.

- That's because this time,

I want things to be different.

- Why don't you just tackle
- each other at the same time?

That way, you both

make the first move.

- Tackle each other
- at the same time?

- Katie, you've proved
- once again

That you know nothing

of teen love.

- That's not a terrible idea.

- Whoa!

- Ouch, ah.

- He's right.

I do not get teen love.

- Mm.

- Hey, guys.

- Well, if it isn't

the dib-sy twins.

- Go on.

Ask her.

- Because I am done
- running 95% naked

Through the palmwoods.

- Lucy, I have been thinking

a lot about you

and was wondering if you

would like to go on a date

with me.

- You're really sweet, James.

But it's like I said before.

- I got out
- of a messy relationship,

- And I'm just not ready
- for another one.

- So it's not a no.

- Oh, it's a no.

- Right, because

you like Kendall,

- and you winked at him
- before we left for the tour.

- I never winked at Kendall.

- Uh, yeah, you did.

- I might have had

some dust in my eye,

but I never winked at you.

- So you don't want to go out

with Kendall either?

- Let's just say...

Kendall's undibbed.

- Well, glad
- there's no more confusion.

- Is it dusty out here?

- No.

Help us.

- Camille and I

are dating again.

- And Gustavo and Griffin
- are gonna kill me

- If I don't pick
- their favorite song

To play for jojo on the radio.

- That's simple.

Just pick the song

you want to play.

- Oh, yeah, I would love to.

How does that solve

the "kill me" part?

- Both:
- We bring hockey sticks.

- Good morning, L.A.

What up?

It's jojo on the radio

- in the studio with Kendall,
- Logan, James, and Carlos.

Carlos, I understand you have

btr's next hit single with you.

- I got to be honest, jojo.

It's my favorite song

on the album.

- Which is love me, love me.
- Which is elevate.

- Love me, love me.
- Elevate.

- Love me, love me!

- Elevate!

- Well, let's hear this thing.

- ♪ I can feel it
- in the air ♪

♪ I don't really care

if it's wrong or right ♪

♪ pedal to the metal,

baby, hold me tight ♪

- ♪ anything you want,
- I can get that, girl ♪

- ♪ everybody knows

that I want you ♪

♪ if you want me,

baby, show me ♪

♪ roll the windows down,

let your hair flow ♪

♪ tonight-night-night-

night-night-night ♪

- ♪ When I'm rollin'
- through your town ♪

♪ It's on,

on, on, on, on and on ♪

- ♪ When I'm rollin'
- through your town ♪

- I got to say, guys.

I like that song.

I predict that is the next

big time hit right there.

- Ah.

- That's it
- for the jojo on the radio show.

- Special guests big time rush,
- thank you guys for hanging out.

- Thank you for having us.

- Now let's go back
- to the palmwoods

So we can wrap up their show.

- Now that we're all assembled

- and have agreed
- that dibs on girls

Creates total girl chaos

rather than preventing it...

- Girls are hereby removed

from the rule of dibs.

- Both:
- Agreed.

- And now let's celebrate

this historic occasion

by feasting on the snack cakes

that we've coveted and dibbed

for almost six years.

- Go!

- You guys know you're eating

- all the wrong snack cakes,
- right?

Kendall dibbed the fruit pie;

James, the cupcakes;

Carlos, the pinkie puffs;

and Logan, the mini doughnuts.

- Okay, when we

get back to the crib,

- let's just get rid
- of the rule of dibs altogether.

- Take your pictures now, 'cause

I think this is bitters' last

big time experience!

- Bitters!

- ♪ Step it up,
- get in gear ♪

- ♪ go for broke,
- make it clear ♪

- ♪ make it work,

get it right ♪

♪ Go and make your luck

with the life you choose ♪

♪ if you want it all,

lay it on the line ♪

♪ it's the only life you got

so you got to live it big time ♪