Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 5, Episode 22 - Going Ape - full transcript
Tabitha turns an ape into a human who immediately gets a job as a model.
Okay, Tabitha. It's almost time
for your lunch. Let's go.
Okay, but just 10 more swings?
No, sweetheart.
I have so many things to do.
Daddy's coming home
from Canada this afternoon.
- Ten is too many.
- Nine more?
Tabitha, life is not one big swing.
- But, Mommy...
- No buts.
Five. That's my final offer.
One.
You stay right here, Bonzo.
I'm gonna give it a running start.
Hurry up, Tabitha.
Mommy, I only have little legs.
For me, this is hurrying.
That's right, sweetheart. Well...
- Mommy, is that cake for me?
- No.
We're gonna have
a welcome-home party for Daddy.
With cake and candles?
Sure!
Two. One for each day
he's been gone.
Daddy, Daddy.
No, no, sweetheart.
That's not Daddy.
He's not coming home
till late this afternoon.
Hi, there. Where did you come from?
Monkey, monkey.
I wanna play with the monkey.
Come here, you silly little thing.
He's probably lost.
Maybe he's trying to tell us
where he lives.
Yeah, well, sorry, old man,
but I can't quite understand you.
I wanna play with the monkey.
You finish your lunch, young lady, and
after your nap, we'll take him home.
Wherever that is.
No doubt about it.
You are a monkey with a problem.
Okay, fella.
Come on down from there,
and let's see.
Oh, well, I guess you're not
getting my message.
I'm certainly not getting yours.
So let's just make this easy
on both of us.
A monkey you are
A monkey you'll be
In human form
When I count to three
One, two, three
Oh, there. That's better.
Sure is, lady. A lot better.
You'll never know how much.
Well, I don't know.
I thought you were
a cute little monkey.
I'm not a monkey.
I'm a chimpanzee.
Well, I'm sorry,
but they are the same family.
People do get them confused.
Well, I don't know why they should.
Do they confuse a shark with a goldfish
or a lion with a pussycat?
Yes, well...
If you just tell me where you live and
who you belong to, I'll take you home.
No, you won't.
I'm not going back to that little boy.
Poor fella's probably crying
his eyes out for you right now.
The kid's a brat!
He cares more about his kite
than he does about me.
When I take you home,
I'll talk to him about that.
- No, you won't.
- Why not?
I've waited a long time
for my chance to be a man.
The point is, you are not a man.
And you can't remain a man,
not even for one day.
Think of it this way.
I'm almost a man already.
I just missed it on the
evolutionary ladder by one rung.
Now how would you feel?
That's life. Think of the poor fella
who invented 6-Up.
Oh, boy.
I had to pick a funny witch.
You have one human quality already.
You're a wise guy.
I'm wise all right.
Wiser than most people.
How many people in that park today
knew you were a witch?
Oh, my stars.
Don't be stubborn about this.
Okay. Okay. You have a choice.
Back home or to the zoo.
How you like them bananas?
- Yes?
- Mr. Tate?
Miss Tucker and Mr. Flynn
are here to see you.
All right, show them in.
- Mr. Tate.
- Miss Tucker, good to see you again.
Mr. Flynn. I thought that...
Well, wasn't your appointment
for tomorrow?
Well, Bobby, here, came up with an
idea that couldn't wait until tomorrow.
Darrin Stephens
is your account executive...
...and I'd prefer he be here for...
- We don't need your Mr. Stephens.
- Go ahead, Bobby.
- Right.
First, the models.
Models?
Now just picture this.
A TV commercial and these magnificent
specimens walk on the screen.
Now, the pitch is to the ladies.
To bring out the best in your beast,
give him Brawn Cologne!
That's really...
But, of course,
once you get the music, it'll...
Mr. Stephens and I
will give this some thought.
Remarkable the way
they get those things to pop.
Those things are called pectorals.
It's remarkable anyway.
Miss Tucker, will you step
over here, please?
Miss Tucker, you owe it to yourself
to listen to Stephens's ideas.
We don't want to rush into anything.
You've been talking about
Darrin Stephens for days.
I'm beginning to think he's a figment
of your imagination.
Darrin has been in Canada on
business. He'll be back this afternoon.
And we'll see him
first thing in the morning.
We'll see him today or not at all.
Good idea. We'll go over
to Darrin's house right now...
...and catch him the minute he gets in.
Oh, come on. Be a good sport.
Tell me where you live.
Let me put it this way.
Either you tell me your address,
or I'll change you back, anyhow.
Then you'll never find out, will you?
Okay. Game time is over.
A chimp you once were
A...
Mother!
Aren't you going to introduce me
to your gentleman-friend?
He is no friend,
and he is no gentleman.
He's rather cute for a mortal.
Mother, he's an ape.
Most men are.
I'm a chimp.
If you're a chimp,
I'm a monkey's uncle.
Two funny witches.
Fun and games are over.
A chimp you once were
A chimp you will be
Little and hairy when I count to...
Mommy, Mommy, I woke up.
- Saved by the baby.
- Not for long.
I'll deal with you later.
You're a regular little swinger,
aren't you?
- Oh, Endora.
- Mr. Tate.
Oh, Miss Tucker, Mr. Flynn...
...this is Darrin Stephens'
mother-in-law, Mrs...
Endora.
- Do come in, please.
- Thank you.
- Is Darrin home yet?
- No, no, he isn't.
And the house is so empty
without the dear boy.
- Where's Sam?
- She's upstairs with Tabitha.
Miss Tucker's the creator
of Brawn Cologne for men.
And Darrin's the account executive.
Mr. Tate seems to think
that Mr. Stephens...
...is going to pull the perfect
advertising campaign...
...right out of his attach? case.
I'm very curious, Miss Tucker.
Why does a woman run a company
that makes a man's cologne?
For money.
And there'll be plenty of that
to go around once we get rolling.
Not if we don't find the perfect image
for our product, there won't.
And the way things are going,
I'm beginning to think...
- Who is that?
- His name?
It's Harry. Harry Simian.
- Divine, isn't he?
- Oh, he certainly is.
You know what I'm thinking?
I'm thinking we've found our man.
Oh, he'd love to hear you
say that. Harry?
...you go. Turn around.
Oh, my. You look very pretty
for Daddy's homecoming party.
Now, you stay up here and colour...
...and I'll get Grandmama to come up
and see how pretty you look.
Okay, Mommy.
Oh, yes. Yes, I feel that he's the
perfect model for Brawn Cologne.
I'll set up the gallery in the morning
for some pictures.
And if it works out...
...how about a long-term contract?
The longer the better.
Hi, Larry. What a surprise.
Oh, hi, Sam.
This is Evelyn Tucker and Mr. Flynn.
Samantha Stephens, Darrin's wife.
- How do you do?
- Hello.
Sorry to barge in on you like this,
but Miss Tucker...
...was very anxious to meet
with Darrin on the account.
- He'll be home any minute.
- We don't need him anymore.
We just found the answer
to our campaign.
Miss Tucker thinks
that Darwin's cousin, Harry...
...is the perfect image
for her Brawn Cologne.
Well.
Harry is expected at home.
I mean, he has a little boy
waiting for him at home.
Don't you, Harry?
- He'll keep.
- That's fine.
We'll see you at the office at nine.
Now, wait a minute, Larry.
Don't you think we ought to wait
for Darrin to get home...
Well, I mean...
I mean, after all, Brawn Cologne
is Darrin's account.
I am Brawn Cologne,
and I'm satisfied.
We won't take up any more
of your time, Sam.
Ask Darrin to call me
when he comes in.
Goodbye, everybody.
Oh, good bye, Harry.
See you tomorrow.
I'll be there.
No, you won't.
Sam, we're talking about
an $800000 account.
Now, if Harry isn't downtown
bright and early tomorrow morning...
...tell Darrin not to come in either.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Right, Harry.
Bye, Endora; Sam.
Not a bad start
for my first day as a man.
Yes, as I was saying.
A chimp you once were
A chimp you will be
Little and hairy
When I count to three
One, two, three
Okay, come on.
You go out there and play.
While I think of something
to tell Darrin.
Tell him the truth.
He's getting an $800000 account.
- He should be thrilled.
- He'll be furious.
He's never what he should be.
Hello?
Hi, sweetheart.
What a shame.
How much longer do you think
you'll be stuck there?
Two days?
Oh, that's marvellous.
No, I mean, it's marvellous
that you're doing so well there.
No. No, no, don't call Larry.
I'll call him for you.
Everything's just fine here.
Sweetheart, you have fun
and don't worry.
Good bye.
I'll do the worrying for both of us.
Here's Grandmama to baby-sit
while you take your chimp off to work.
A monkey,
posing for a man's cologne.
Where did I go wrong?
Look on the positive side, my darling.
Brawn has its image...
...Harry has a crack at being human,
and Durwood is a hero.
Now look on the negative side.
Harry is a chimp.
There's no telling what he can do.
He could ruin everything, and Larry
will find some way to blame Darrin.
All right. Wake up.
A monkey you are
A monkey you'll be
But in human form
When I count to three
One, two three
Okay. You're a man for a day.
That means nine to five.
What's the hurry?
They're gonna take pictures
of you in an hour.
I'm not good for anything
till I've had my morning coconut.
A star is born.
All right, hold it just like that, Harry.
That's it. That's it.
Okay. Bring that light in there.
All right,
now pick the drink up, Harry.
That's it, that's it.
All right, now. Now look sexy, Harry.
That's it. Boy, that's good.
- Good, good.
- Is that all?
Oh, baby, we've just begun.
All right, now hit him with that spot.
Yeah, that's good. Good.
Okay, Harry. Now let's have
some good action shots.
All right, you ready, Harry?
Okay, swing.
Hey, get down from there.
It's the tennis racket you're
supposed to swing, dumb-dumb.
Who does he think he is,
calling me a dumb-dumb?
Harry, you just relax.
You're doing fine.
I'll find out
how much longer it'll be.
Just a few more shots.
This is the worst apple I've ever tasted.
- It's wax.
- Wax?
You humans have strange appetites.
All right, everybody.
Break's over. Back to work.
Come on, my boy. Let's get out there
and pose. Time is money.
Why so glum?
You did beautifully today.
It was harder than I thought.
Just the same, I must admit
you made it as a man.
- Well, I don't want to be a man.
- Oh, boy.
I thought humans were complicated.
I didn't like it today.
I didn't like it at all.
All those humans
cared about was work.
Nobody wanted to play.
You're not giving it a fair chance.
You asked for one full day.
- It's only half over.
- I've seen enough.
As a chimp,
nobody pushed me around.
People didn't yell at me
or call me dumb-dumb.
They patted me and fed me.
Well...
...now that your pictures
for Brawn are finished...
...it's no problem
changing you back.
Great!
Well, good bye, Samantha.
You're a queen among witches.
And you're a prince among chimps.
Oh, wait a minute. I gotta give you
the address of the kid who owns me.
Sweet little fella.
Probably crying his eyes out over me.
Hello?
- Oh, Hi, Larry.
- Sam, we rushed the pictures through...
...and Harry is sensational.
Well, all's well that ends well.
Ends my foot!
This is only the beginning.
Evelyn and I have mapped out
the whole campaign.
TV spots, personal appearances
around the country; the works.
I'm afraid you're gonna have
to get someone else, because...
Nonsense. Harry's it.
He may be a little inexperienced, but
he's got the mystique for the product.
Well, his mystique is a mistake.
You see, he doesn't want to...
Sam, will you let me worry
about what he wants?
Just see to it he's down here at
five 'o clock for the press conference.
And, Sam, lest we forget...
...this is an $800000 account.
Well, that's unforgettable, all right.
Yeah, I got you, Larry.
Oh, Darrin, he'll be very pleased.
Bye.
Okay, you can change me back.
Harry, I'm afraid
there's been a slight delay.
I don't want a slight delay.
I wanna be a chimp.
I know. Yeah, I know.
But try to be patient. Now...
No, you can't quit...
But you could be fired.
Fired? How? I'm too good.
Just act like the real you,
that should do it.
- The real me?
- That's right.
Okay, Harry, baby.
Now let's have that look of distinction.
That's it. Hold it.
Makeup, let's get that shine
off of his nose.
He bit me, he bit me.
He actually bit me.
That's the animal in him.
Oh, perfect.
Miss Bond; Charlie.
Oh, I want you to meet some
friends from the press. Miss Bond...
...editor of "Fashion Wear" magazine,
and Charles Gilbert...
...of "Sportswear Daily". This is
Brawn Cologne's man, Harry Simian.
I'm not Brawn's man.
You mean you don't like
being Brawn's man?
He means...
...that he's his own man.
That's not what I mean.
Guess again.
- Sam, what's he doing?
- Telling the truth.
- You wouldn't want him to lie.
- Of course I would.
Brawn's man, my foot.
You're Brawn's beast.
He didn't mean that.
Tell her you didn't mean that!
- I didn't mean that.
- I know.
What I really meant was this.
He's so playful.
I have never been so humiliated...
...in my whole life.
- I know, I know.
Fire that man.
Get rid of him!
You're fired, right now! Out!
Fine, fine!
Bravo, bravo!
What is so "bravo" about
what that gorilla is doing?
Why don't you tell her, Larry?
Why don't you tell her, Sam?
Oh, well, yes, of course.
This whole thing was carefully staged...
...to help kick off
Darrin's new slogan.
"When your man uses
Brawn Cologne...
...there's no telling
how wild he might get."
Did you know about this?
It all depends.
Well, I think it's sensational.
I knew about it.
Tate, I question your methods,
but I approve the slogan.
Yes, we thought you'd like it.
And I also approve of the campaign,
on one condition.
- What's that?
- That I never...
...have to lay eyes on that ape again
as long as I live.
Well, I think that can be arranged.
Look, Mommy, monkey.
That's not a monkey. It's a chimp.
There's a big difference.
At least the chimps think so.
- Are they as smart as people?
- Some of them are smarter.
- What's his name?
- Bonzo.
Hello, Bonzo.
He was lost for a few days,
but he's back now.
I'm sure if you love him
and take very good care of him...
...he'll never run away again.
- Say good bye, Tabitha.
- Good bye, Bonzo.
So long, Harry.
for your lunch. Let's go.
Okay, but just 10 more swings?
No, sweetheart.
I have so many things to do.
Daddy's coming home
from Canada this afternoon.
- Ten is too many.
- Nine more?
Tabitha, life is not one big swing.
- But, Mommy...
- No buts.
Five. That's my final offer.
One.
You stay right here, Bonzo.
I'm gonna give it a running start.
Hurry up, Tabitha.
Mommy, I only have little legs.
For me, this is hurrying.
That's right, sweetheart. Well...
- Mommy, is that cake for me?
- No.
We're gonna have
a welcome-home party for Daddy.
With cake and candles?
Sure!
Two. One for each day
he's been gone.
Daddy, Daddy.
No, no, sweetheart.
That's not Daddy.
He's not coming home
till late this afternoon.
Hi, there. Where did you come from?
Monkey, monkey.
I wanna play with the monkey.
Come here, you silly little thing.
He's probably lost.
Maybe he's trying to tell us
where he lives.
Yeah, well, sorry, old man,
but I can't quite understand you.
I wanna play with the monkey.
You finish your lunch, young lady, and
after your nap, we'll take him home.
Wherever that is.
No doubt about it.
You are a monkey with a problem.
Okay, fella.
Come on down from there,
and let's see.
Oh, well, I guess you're not
getting my message.
I'm certainly not getting yours.
So let's just make this easy
on both of us.
A monkey you are
A monkey you'll be
In human form
When I count to three
One, two, three
Oh, there. That's better.
Sure is, lady. A lot better.
You'll never know how much.
Well, I don't know.
I thought you were
a cute little monkey.
I'm not a monkey.
I'm a chimpanzee.
Well, I'm sorry,
but they are the same family.
People do get them confused.
Well, I don't know why they should.
Do they confuse a shark with a goldfish
or a lion with a pussycat?
Yes, well...
If you just tell me where you live and
who you belong to, I'll take you home.
No, you won't.
I'm not going back to that little boy.
Poor fella's probably crying
his eyes out for you right now.
The kid's a brat!
He cares more about his kite
than he does about me.
When I take you home,
I'll talk to him about that.
- No, you won't.
- Why not?
I've waited a long time
for my chance to be a man.
The point is, you are not a man.
And you can't remain a man,
not even for one day.
Think of it this way.
I'm almost a man already.
I just missed it on the
evolutionary ladder by one rung.
Now how would you feel?
That's life. Think of the poor fella
who invented 6-Up.
Oh, boy.
I had to pick a funny witch.
You have one human quality already.
You're a wise guy.
I'm wise all right.
Wiser than most people.
How many people in that park today
knew you were a witch?
Oh, my stars.
Don't be stubborn about this.
Okay. Okay. You have a choice.
Back home or to the zoo.
How you like them bananas?
- Yes?
- Mr. Tate?
Miss Tucker and Mr. Flynn
are here to see you.
All right, show them in.
- Mr. Tate.
- Miss Tucker, good to see you again.
Mr. Flynn. I thought that...
Well, wasn't your appointment
for tomorrow?
Well, Bobby, here, came up with an
idea that couldn't wait until tomorrow.
Darrin Stephens
is your account executive...
...and I'd prefer he be here for...
- We don't need your Mr. Stephens.
- Go ahead, Bobby.
- Right.
First, the models.
Models?
Now just picture this.
A TV commercial and these magnificent
specimens walk on the screen.
Now, the pitch is to the ladies.
To bring out the best in your beast,
give him Brawn Cologne!
That's really...
But, of course,
once you get the music, it'll...
Mr. Stephens and I
will give this some thought.
Remarkable the way
they get those things to pop.
Those things are called pectorals.
It's remarkable anyway.
Miss Tucker, will you step
over here, please?
Miss Tucker, you owe it to yourself
to listen to Stephens's ideas.
We don't want to rush into anything.
You've been talking about
Darrin Stephens for days.
I'm beginning to think he's a figment
of your imagination.
Darrin has been in Canada on
business. He'll be back this afternoon.
And we'll see him
first thing in the morning.
We'll see him today or not at all.
Good idea. We'll go over
to Darrin's house right now...
...and catch him the minute he gets in.
Oh, come on. Be a good sport.
Tell me where you live.
Let me put it this way.
Either you tell me your address,
or I'll change you back, anyhow.
Then you'll never find out, will you?
Okay. Game time is over.
A chimp you once were
A...
Mother!
Aren't you going to introduce me
to your gentleman-friend?
He is no friend,
and he is no gentleman.
He's rather cute for a mortal.
Mother, he's an ape.
Most men are.
I'm a chimp.
If you're a chimp,
I'm a monkey's uncle.
Two funny witches.
Fun and games are over.
A chimp you once were
A chimp you will be
Little and hairy when I count to...
Mommy, Mommy, I woke up.
- Saved by the baby.
- Not for long.
I'll deal with you later.
You're a regular little swinger,
aren't you?
- Oh, Endora.
- Mr. Tate.
Oh, Miss Tucker, Mr. Flynn...
...this is Darrin Stephens'
mother-in-law, Mrs...
Endora.
- Do come in, please.
- Thank you.
- Is Darrin home yet?
- No, no, he isn't.
And the house is so empty
without the dear boy.
- Where's Sam?
- She's upstairs with Tabitha.
Miss Tucker's the creator
of Brawn Cologne for men.
And Darrin's the account executive.
Mr. Tate seems to think
that Mr. Stephens...
...is going to pull the perfect
advertising campaign...
...right out of his attach? case.
I'm very curious, Miss Tucker.
Why does a woman run a company
that makes a man's cologne?
For money.
And there'll be plenty of that
to go around once we get rolling.
Not if we don't find the perfect image
for our product, there won't.
And the way things are going,
I'm beginning to think...
- Who is that?
- His name?
It's Harry. Harry Simian.
- Divine, isn't he?
- Oh, he certainly is.
You know what I'm thinking?
I'm thinking we've found our man.
Oh, he'd love to hear you
say that. Harry?
...you go. Turn around.
Oh, my. You look very pretty
for Daddy's homecoming party.
Now, you stay up here and colour...
...and I'll get Grandmama to come up
and see how pretty you look.
Okay, Mommy.
Oh, yes. Yes, I feel that he's the
perfect model for Brawn Cologne.
I'll set up the gallery in the morning
for some pictures.
And if it works out...
...how about a long-term contract?
The longer the better.
Hi, Larry. What a surprise.
Oh, hi, Sam.
This is Evelyn Tucker and Mr. Flynn.
Samantha Stephens, Darrin's wife.
- How do you do?
- Hello.
Sorry to barge in on you like this,
but Miss Tucker...
...was very anxious to meet
with Darrin on the account.
- He'll be home any minute.
- We don't need him anymore.
We just found the answer
to our campaign.
Miss Tucker thinks
that Darwin's cousin, Harry...
...is the perfect image
for her Brawn Cologne.
Well.
Harry is expected at home.
I mean, he has a little boy
waiting for him at home.
Don't you, Harry?
- He'll keep.
- That's fine.
We'll see you at the office at nine.
Now, wait a minute, Larry.
Don't you think we ought to wait
for Darrin to get home...
Well, I mean...
I mean, after all, Brawn Cologne
is Darrin's account.
I am Brawn Cologne,
and I'm satisfied.
We won't take up any more
of your time, Sam.
Ask Darrin to call me
when he comes in.
Goodbye, everybody.
Oh, good bye, Harry.
See you tomorrow.
I'll be there.
No, you won't.
Sam, we're talking about
an $800000 account.
Now, if Harry isn't downtown
bright and early tomorrow morning...
...tell Darrin not to come in either.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Right, Harry.
Bye, Endora; Sam.
Not a bad start
for my first day as a man.
Yes, as I was saying.
A chimp you once were
A chimp you will be
Little and hairy
When I count to three
One, two, three
Okay, come on.
You go out there and play.
While I think of something
to tell Darrin.
Tell him the truth.
He's getting an $800000 account.
- He should be thrilled.
- He'll be furious.
He's never what he should be.
Hello?
Hi, sweetheart.
What a shame.
How much longer do you think
you'll be stuck there?
Two days?
Oh, that's marvellous.
No, I mean, it's marvellous
that you're doing so well there.
No. No, no, don't call Larry.
I'll call him for you.
Everything's just fine here.
Sweetheart, you have fun
and don't worry.
Good bye.
I'll do the worrying for both of us.
Here's Grandmama to baby-sit
while you take your chimp off to work.
A monkey,
posing for a man's cologne.
Where did I go wrong?
Look on the positive side, my darling.
Brawn has its image...
...Harry has a crack at being human,
and Durwood is a hero.
Now look on the negative side.
Harry is a chimp.
There's no telling what he can do.
He could ruin everything, and Larry
will find some way to blame Darrin.
All right. Wake up.
A monkey you are
A monkey you'll be
But in human form
When I count to three
One, two three
Okay. You're a man for a day.
That means nine to five.
What's the hurry?
They're gonna take pictures
of you in an hour.
I'm not good for anything
till I've had my morning coconut.
A star is born.
All right, hold it just like that, Harry.
That's it. That's it.
Okay. Bring that light in there.
All right,
now pick the drink up, Harry.
That's it, that's it.
All right, now. Now look sexy, Harry.
That's it. Boy, that's good.
- Good, good.
- Is that all?
Oh, baby, we've just begun.
All right, now hit him with that spot.
Yeah, that's good. Good.
Okay, Harry. Now let's have
some good action shots.
All right, you ready, Harry?
Okay, swing.
Hey, get down from there.
It's the tennis racket you're
supposed to swing, dumb-dumb.
Who does he think he is,
calling me a dumb-dumb?
Harry, you just relax.
You're doing fine.
I'll find out
how much longer it'll be.
Just a few more shots.
This is the worst apple I've ever tasted.
- It's wax.
- Wax?
You humans have strange appetites.
All right, everybody.
Break's over. Back to work.
Come on, my boy. Let's get out there
and pose. Time is money.
Why so glum?
You did beautifully today.
It was harder than I thought.
Just the same, I must admit
you made it as a man.
- Well, I don't want to be a man.
- Oh, boy.
I thought humans were complicated.
I didn't like it today.
I didn't like it at all.
All those humans
cared about was work.
Nobody wanted to play.
You're not giving it a fair chance.
You asked for one full day.
- It's only half over.
- I've seen enough.
As a chimp,
nobody pushed me around.
People didn't yell at me
or call me dumb-dumb.
They patted me and fed me.
Well...
...now that your pictures
for Brawn are finished...
...it's no problem
changing you back.
Great!
Well, good bye, Samantha.
You're a queen among witches.
And you're a prince among chimps.
Oh, wait a minute. I gotta give you
the address of the kid who owns me.
Sweet little fella.
Probably crying his eyes out over me.
Hello?
- Oh, Hi, Larry.
- Sam, we rushed the pictures through...
...and Harry is sensational.
Well, all's well that ends well.
Ends my foot!
This is only the beginning.
Evelyn and I have mapped out
the whole campaign.
TV spots, personal appearances
around the country; the works.
I'm afraid you're gonna have
to get someone else, because...
Nonsense. Harry's it.
He may be a little inexperienced, but
he's got the mystique for the product.
Well, his mystique is a mistake.
You see, he doesn't want to...
Sam, will you let me worry
about what he wants?
Just see to it he's down here at
five 'o clock for the press conference.
And, Sam, lest we forget...
...this is an $800000 account.
Well, that's unforgettable, all right.
Yeah, I got you, Larry.
Oh, Darrin, he'll be very pleased.
Bye.
Okay, you can change me back.
Harry, I'm afraid
there's been a slight delay.
I don't want a slight delay.
I wanna be a chimp.
I know. Yeah, I know.
But try to be patient. Now...
No, you can't quit...
But you could be fired.
Fired? How? I'm too good.
Just act like the real you,
that should do it.
- The real me?
- That's right.
Okay, Harry, baby.
Now let's have that look of distinction.
That's it. Hold it.
Makeup, let's get that shine
off of his nose.
He bit me, he bit me.
He actually bit me.
That's the animal in him.
Oh, perfect.
Miss Bond; Charlie.
Oh, I want you to meet some
friends from the press. Miss Bond...
...editor of "Fashion Wear" magazine,
and Charles Gilbert...
...of "Sportswear Daily". This is
Brawn Cologne's man, Harry Simian.
I'm not Brawn's man.
You mean you don't like
being Brawn's man?
He means...
...that he's his own man.
That's not what I mean.
Guess again.
- Sam, what's he doing?
- Telling the truth.
- You wouldn't want him to lie.
- Of course I would.
Brawn's man, my foot.
You're Brawn's beast.
He didn't mean that.
Tell her you didn't mean that!
- I didn't mean that.
- I know.
What I really meant was this.
He's so playful.
I have never been so humiliated...
...in my whole life.
- I know, I know.
Fire that man.
Get rid of him!
You're fired, right now! Out!
Fine, fine!
Bravo, bravo!
What is so "bravo" about
what that gorilla is doing?
Why don't you tell her, Larry?
Why don't you tell her, Sam?
Oh, well, yes, of course.
This whole thing was carefully staged...
...to help kick off
Darrin's new slogan.
"When your man uses
Brawn Cologne...
...there's no telling
how wild he might get."
Did you know about this?
It all depends.
Well, I think it's sensational.
I knew about it.
Tate, I question your methods,
but I approve the slogan.
Yes, we thought you'd like it.
And I also approve of the campaign,
on one condition.
- What's that?
- That I never...
...have to lay eyes on that ape again
as long as I live.
Well, I think that can be arranged.
Look, Mommy, monkey.
That's not a monkey. It's a chimp.
There's a big difference.
At least the chimps think so.
- Are they as smart as people?
- Some of them are smarter.
- What's his name?
- Bonzo.
Hello, Bonzo.
He was lost for a few days,
but he's back now.
I'm sure if you love him
and take very good care of him...
...he'll never run away again.
- Say good bye, Tabitha.
- Good bye, Bonzo.
So long, Harry.