Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 1, Episode 33 - A Change of Face - full transcript

Darrin?

Hmm?

Better hurry up and
change, sweetheart.

We haven't got much time.

Changed? What for?

We're having dinner
at the club, remember?

Oh, I forgot completely.

Would you rather not go?

Oh, no, honey, I'll be fine.

Just let me...

Just let me rest here
for a few minutes.



Darrin, maybe you'd
like a cup of coffee.

Or perhaps you'd prefer a drink.

Darrin?

Oh, what a
lovely-looking couple,

except for him.

Does his mouth always
gape open like that?

Only when he's sleeping.

Oh, Samantha.

I don't understand you at all.

I mean, if you had
to marry a mortal,

at least you could've chosen
a better-looking specimen.

I like the way he looks.

Besides, I didn't marry
Darrin just for his looks.

What else, his
vivacious personality?



No one sparkles
when they're asleep.

Anyway, I think
he's quite handsome.

You're joking.

He's got very good features.

Name one.

Well, he has a nice firm jaw.

You like lantern jaws?

He's got a nice mouth.

"Slack" is a better word.

How about his eyes?

Beady.

But don't despair, dear.
He could be fixed up.

Fixed up?

Yes, it's all very simple.

Now, take that
dank, straight hair.

All it needs is...
Well, I'll show you.

Ew. I don't like that at all.

I haven't finished yet.

He needs coordinating.

Now, if we just
straightened out his nose...

Mother, you've gone far enough.

Oh, don't be stuffy, Samantha.

What do you think he'd
look like with a mustache?

Oh, no.

That wouldn't be right at all.

Just a little one.

Wait, let me show you.

How do you like it?

On him, it looks good.

His hair's too curly.

Oh...

Ooh, the coffee.

What?

Now, don't you do
anything till I get back.

Oh, Mother, will
you answer that?

Yeah.

Is Mr. Stephens at ho...?

That was Gladys Kravitz.

Sometimes I think that
woman's a little strange.

Oh!

Samantha!

Darrin!

Samantha!

It's all right, darling.

There's no need to...

My face! What
happened to my face?

Please stay calm.

It was just a little experiment.

An experiment?

Well, it got a
little out of hand.

Now, darling, there's
nothing to worry about.

I want my old face back!

I want my old face back!
I want my old face back!

Of course you do.

Oh, well, there
you are, sweetheart.

Good as old.

Just a little play on words.

Is anything wrong?

Wrong.

Well, it's all there, isn't it?

Samantha, why did you do that?

I suppose you do
deserve an explanation.

Well, it's rather
difficult to explain.

Try.

Well, you were asleep,

and Mother and I
were looking at you,

and, well, we got to talking
about your looks and all.

Well... Well, you know.

Go on.

Well, Mother got
sort of carried away...

and gave you a long
nose and curly hair

and a mustache, and...

Well, we were just killing time.

Oh, sure, it beats
jigsaw puzzles all to heck!

Ooh. Darrin...

Darrin.

Naturally, we were
gonna change you back

before you woke up.

Darrin, are you mad at me?

No, that's not the word.

Furious?

You're getting warmer.

Darrin, please
try not to be upset.

I'm sorry, Sam.

I've sort of grown
accustomed to my face.

I thought you had too.

Darrin?

Uh, yes?

These are the layouts
for the Harper campaign.

I'd like to get your reactions

as soon as possible.

Sure. Sure, Larry.

Oh, Darrin, I
forgot to mention...

Something in my eye.

Want me to take a look?

No, no. It's out.

You were saying, Larry?

Oh, yes.

Well, it has to do with
the magazine copy.

Mr. Harper seems to...

Mr. Harper seems
to have some doubts

about using a lady wrestler

to sell their products.

Darrin.

Darrin?

Oh, yes. Go ahead, Larry.

Something bothering you?

Larry, do you
think I'm attractive?

What?

I mean, how would you
describe the way I look?

My physical appearance.

Are you kidding?

No. How?

Darrin, I've never
really thought about it

one way or another.

Never mind that, Larry.

Just give me your honest
opinion of how you think I look.

Well...

you're not the best-looking
guy in the world.

You're not even

the best-looking
guy in the room.

But you're presentable, I guess.

I guess you're the
wrong person to ask.

I probably am, Darrin.

After all, you're my friend.

You're bound to be biased.

I don't know, Dave.

She says she loves me.

Then why did she change my face?

Of course, it's the first year

that's rough. Rough, rough.

I'm a bachelor, but I know.

The nose, maybe.

But the whole face?

Two people, a 50-50 proposition,

give and take, share
and share alike,

it's the only way.

I mean, I fell asleep, and
she changed everything.

It's the little
things that count.

Candies, flowers,
a new dress maybe.

My mother always said
my hair was my best feature.

Take my aunt and
uncle, a mixed marriage.

He's good, and she's rotten.

But they stay together.

Fifty years, but
they've stuck it out.

They hate each other.

Now, that's love.

Sixteen hours a day
I've been working,

and that's the thanks I get.

You're more than
welcome, Darrin.

Hey, I got an appointment.

Well, glad I could help.

Mind you, my
mother-in-law did most of it,

but Sam assisted her.

She even made suggestions.

Normally, I wouldn't
have thought of it,

but I figured at
least I should ask.

Go see this man.

Dr. McLeash, he's
a plastic surgeon.

Psychiatrist.

Joe...

has your wife ever tried
to change your face?

Twice. Once with a rolling
pin and once with a seven-iron.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Larry.

Acting funny?

What do you mean?

Well... Sort of depressed.

Then today he began
feeling his nose.

Feeling his nose?

You mean...?

His secretary noticed it too.

How do you know that?

Well, she came
up to me and said,

"Why does Mr. Stephens
keep feeling his nose?"

Then he asked me if I
thought he was attractive.

And you know the
worst part of it, Sam?

He wasn't kidding.

Well, Larry, thank
you for your concern.

I'll see what I can do.

Oh, dear.

Something wrong
with Derek's nose?

Absolutely nothing.

But we've made him
feel drab and ordinary.

Well, let's not
take all the blame.

Mirrors must've had
something to do with it.

Mother.

I wish I could make him believe

you not only love
someone despite their faults

but sometimes because of them.

I love Darrin's nose.

Then tell him.

Don't you see, it's no
good coming from me.

Well, you may run into trouble

getting someone else to say it.

His ego needs building.

Someone, another
woman, has to tell him

that he's the most
attractive man

in the world.

Darling, don't look at me.

I was thinking of me.

You?

Yes.

I'll simply change
the packaging.

Voilà.

Do you think I am,

how you say it, glamorous?

Oh, Samantha.

I'm proud of you.

Why, you even
changed your voice.

But why the accent?

Oh, Darrin is partial
to Brigitte Bardot.

There's just one thing, though.

Don't you think your
plan's a little dangerous?

Supposing What's-His-Name
likes you too much.

Not Darrin.

I trust him completely.

Well, you said yourself,
he's only human.

Hmm... Maybe you are right.

Well, nobody's perfect.

We'll see.

Beer, please.

What kind?

Any kind. They're
all the same to me.

I just need something
to quench my thirst.

Cheers.

Did you see that
ball game today?

No, I didn't.

One of the greatest
ball games I've ever...

Seen.

Real exciting.

Of course, for my money,

the Yankees got the
best in the whole world.

What's the matter with
you. Don't you like baseball?

Yes, I do.

Well, you just watch
yourself, buster.

Baseball is... America's
national game.

And if you... I
don't feel so good.

Excuse me.

Pardon me, sir.

On one sip of beer?

Oh, I beg your pardon.

I'm sorry, I don't know
how that happened.

Joe.

Do not concern yourself.

Could I get you something?

I'll have what you have.

Two, Joe.

Let me be honest.

I am glad it happened.

Glad?

I wanted to talk to you,

but I did not know
how to commence.

Really?

Oh?

I am not long in this country.

And I did not know what
is, how you say it, proper.

I see.

I live by impulse.

I see someone and I desire...

to talk to them, to know them.

You understand?

I guess so.

Well, that could cause
problems sometimes.

Sometimes, but
life is for living, no?

No. I mean, yes.

I just look at you,
and I know I like you.

How can you tell?

Faces with character attract me.

I would like to do your head.

I beg your pardon?

I am sculptress.

Your head, it excites me.

Put the drinks down, Joe.

I love your face.

It has strength...
individuality.

Ah, it is a face... that
has experienced...

love, sorrow... life.

Yes?

I mean, yeah.

But mainly, it is a man's face.

It is a face that exudes...

how you say, sex appeal.

That's how we say it.

Put the drinks down, Joe.

I am very direct person.

I am sorry.

I have embarrassed you?

Oh, no, no. Not at all.

But you see, Miss... Michelle.

Michelle, you're
new around here.

You probably don't
know too many people.

You're probably lonely.

Oh, no, no. I am not lonely.

I meet many men.

But how you say it?

Nothing.

Yeah, it's very dull.

Who wants just
another pretty head?

I see.

My studio is quite near.

We go and get to
know one another, yes?

The face is important, yes.

But more important,
behind the face.

I'm very flattered,
but I'm afraid I can't.

You have wife, no?

Yes.

But she does not understand you.

Why do say that?

You drink alone at bar.

Well, she understands
me most of the time.

There is no room in
your life for two women?

Answer her, Darrin.

No.

Why are you smiling?

Oh.

C'est la vie.

I envy your wife.

Bonjour, Monsieur.

Boy, your wife must be
something really special.

She is, Joe.

She is.

Abner.

What is it now, Gladys?

There's a strange lady
driving the Stephens' car.

She drove it into the garage.

When she comes out, you'll see.

All right, I'll see.

There she is!

Hi, Mrs. Kravitz.

Now she's at it!

At what?

Changing herself.

Abner, believe me,
there was a strange lady

driving their car.

There's only one strange
lady around here, Gladys.

By the smug look on your face,

I take it the mission
was successful.

Worked like a charm.

He wasn't even
tempted by your offer?

Behaved beautifully.

He rejected me completely.

I wonder if I ought to act a
little jealous when he tells me.

You really think he'll tell you

about his little
encounter? Of course.

We have no secrets.
Darrin tells me everything.

Wanna bet?

What sort of a day
did you have, dear?

Oh, average.

This is very good.

Thank you.

Anything unusual happen?

You did something
special to the meat.

I asked you if anything
unusual happened today.

No.

Oh.

Come to think of it,

something unusual did happen.

I stopped in a bar
to have a drink.

Yes?

This guy sat down
next to me, cold sober.

He took one sip of
beer, and he was stoned.

Darnedest thing.

Anything else?

No.

Then I came home.

May I have some
more water, please?

Thank you, dear.

C'est la vie.

Ellen, could you
come in for a minute?

I have some letters to dictate.

Yes, sir.

Mr. Stephens, I'm Barbara Lucas.

I'll be filling in for
Ellen this afternoon.

She went home at lunch.

Oh, is she sick?

Oh, it's just a virus.

Oh, that's funny.

She seemed fine this morning.

Well, those things
can hit you just like that.

It's too bad.

Well, you know
what the French say,

"C'est la vie."

C'est la vie.
Michelle. C'est la vie.

Something the
matter, Mr. Stephens?

Nothing I can't handle, Barbara.

It is Barbara, isn't it?

Yes.

You... You ready?

I'm just waiting for you
to get it off your chest.

I beg your pardon?

Go on, tell me.

Tell me how handsome I am.

How virile.

Build up my ego.

At least tell me how sexy I am.

I don't think I understand.

That's what you
came here for, isn't it?

Mr. Stephens, I just
came in to take dictation.

Sure, you did.

Oh, hi, Sam. Hi, Larry.

Darrin's better today.

I'm very pleased to hear
it. Is he in conference?

No, he's just breaking
in a new secretary.

Why don't you go in and see him.

Thank you.

What to do you want?

This.

Darrin!

Sam!

I-I thought she was you.

I've heard of people like you.

You don't understand.

I thought you were my wife.

Boy, I've heard some
excuses in my life,

but that tops them all.

Sam, I thought she was you.

Is that your only excuse?

Isn't that enough?

You should understand.

Darrin!

Let me explain.

No need to explain.

One picture is
worth 10,000 words.

Sam, are you jealous?

Well, what do you expect?

You really are
jealous, aren't you?

How can you grin
at a time like this?

I mean, you really are involved.

Involved?

I'm married to you.

Yes, but you love me!

Ohh!

It's marvelous!

Darrin, you don't care?

Oh...

How you say it?

C'est la vie.

You knew!

Yes, I knew. And I also
thought you were Barbara.

Why didn't you tell me
you knew I was Michelle?

Because I thought you
were playing dirty pool.

Now, suppose I'd
risen to the bait.

I knew you wouldn't.

You weren't so smug
a few minutes ago.

Perfectly normal reaction

for a wife who
loves her husband.

Now, Sam, you're playing
a very dangerous game.

Now, just supposing

that Barbara had
responded to my advances.

Oh, darling, don't be silly.

She wouldn't have done that.

Why not?

Well, what would she want

with a funny-looking
guy like you?