Better Things (2016–…): Season 5, Episode 8 - Jesus Saves - full transcript

I'd like all of you now

to speak about Harold.

Talk about what he did for you.

How lucky you were to have him.

Uh, well, Uncle Harold was, uh,

- my favorite uncle...
Oh, look,

honey, it's cousin Estelle.

You always loved her.

That looks like the woman
who ate cousin Estelle.

- Nan.
- What?

All the women are so fat
on your father's side.



You girls better be careful.

Am I'm gonna get
big like that, Mom?

- No, no.
- Well, you got a little more on you than you need.

Phil!

Okay, wow.

About the guys I fancy
or didn't fancy...

This is Jewish Hollywood Squares.

About my heart and...

Hello?

Everyone can see you.

Why are you calling
to tell me that?

Because
you're so obvious

- with the pointing and the gesturing.
- My God.

I can tell that you're screaming
even though you're muted.



You're like all
those other folks

at the Hebrew Home for
the Aged on this Zoom.

- No, I'm not.
You're horrible.

P.S., fuck Anatoly's mom.

Fuck Anatoly's mom.

You know, I just-I always
felt respected, didn't I?

You know what?

No, Mom, Mom,

- don't you dare. Stop.
- I just wanted to...

I want to say something
nice about him.

Uncle Harold gave me

my love of comics.

He told me, "You
should make friends

with the guy that works
at the comic book store,"

so I did,

and every week, he would
put aside the comics

that I collected. I
never missed an issue.

And one thing he said

always hold on to
your baseball cards.

I'm cool 'cause of him.

May his memory be a blessing.

May his memory
be a blessing.

I have a share.

Hey, I have a share.

Quiet. Sheket bevakasha.

Hey!
Listen.

- This is Harold's nurse, Cherry.
- Hello.

- She's part of the family.
- Hi, everybody.

And she never borrowed
any money, Brender.

Harold.

God, I will miss
you. You know what,

save a spot for me
next to you up there,

so you can rub my
feet this time,

and you can pull the
blanket over my shoulder,

and maybe I can pour
you the happy hour rosé

'cause you were always
trying to get me drunk.

Love forever,

your Caribbean Queen,

Cherry.

Okay.

Hey!

Come on, Phil.

Look
at cousin Eddy.

Everybody, booty, booty.

Come on, everybody.

- Come on!
- Air sax.

Yes!

Hey, hey.

I'll
see you on the other side,

Harold. I will see you again.

Hey!

- Sit back. The rabbi's here.
- Oh.

- Chair, chair, chair.

Here. Here, Nan.

What floor?
I'm sorry?

I can't hear you from down here.

British Consulate.

I think it's the 37th floor.

Yes. Exciting day

of British business for me.

Sorry about the height crack.

I know, tall people
are people, too.

Oh, no, you can fucking
joke in front of me.

- It's all good.
- Excuse me.

Oh, pardon me, ma'am,

because she uses the language
in the show. I-I overstepped.

I'm a fan. I love Filthy Moms.

- Oh.
When-when you guys broke the sink

while you were getting pounded

in the gas station bathroom,

I-I threw up from laughing.

That means the world
to me. Thank you.

- What show is that?
- Nothing.

Filthy Moms... What
channel is that?

Why didn't you ever
tell me about your work?

Don't worry about it.

I'll find it for you, Gran.

Oh, thank you, Duke.

- Thank you so much.
Of course.

Not sure about the title.

- She's making a video.
- Do magic.

- We're sisters.
- You guys are getting

- your citizenship today?
- Yes, yes.

Me too. I wish I had
a sweater like that.

Oh, you could have mine,
and I'll have your jacket.

- Perfect!

- Let's go to the bathroom and trade.
- Yeah.

Excuse me. Thank you.

Are you planning to
move to England then?

Oh, no.

I just come to the consulate
to pick up beautiful women.

Where's the
"pip pip cheerio"

- in your family?
Our daddy.

Sweet Daddy.

He was born in

Dover, and he grew up

sort of all over.

A lot of it was not happy,

that much we knew.

But then, when he got sick,

he said he wanted
to be buried there.

Dover. England.

And all these stories...

Oh, all the stories.

They-they-they came
pouring out of him.

And when we went to Dover,

we looked at each
other and said,

"We're home."

I want to go to Dover.
What's Dover like?

It's a shithole.

Okay, so do you
see the crest above me?

Look at your frame, right?

- Whole... Look at your frame.
- Sammy?

D... What?

- What?

Of all the gin joints...
What are you doing here?

I came to get my
English citizenship.

Are you going there
to work or to live?

No, just for dual.
I do not renounce.

I do not renounce.
America and Britannia.

- Yes.
- Keep your voice down, Sam!

God. You remember my mom?

Yeah, I remember your mom.

Yeah.

Hi, Mrs. Fox. Remember me?

I'm the sexy charmer who used
to work with your daughter

when her babies were babies.

Oh, God.

You never grab a
lady's hand so harshly.

- Oh, Jesus.
- I apologize.

Abdul, I'm so sorry.

Oh, shit.

It's a Filthy Moms reunion.

My guy, what's good?

Okay, so

why are you getting...

- Well, my mom's from London town, right?
- What?

So, I thought w-why not.
- Same.

The world is scary, you know.
I needed an escape hatch.

Church.

It's good to know we
have another door.

Hello,
ladies and gentlemen.

Are we ready to follow the pony?

What I want you to do is
we're going to swear the oath

of allegiance, all together.

So, will everyone
rise, please. I...

I...

- Sam Fox...

Swear by Almighty God
I will be faithful

and bear true allegiance

to Her Majesty,

Her Heirs and Successors,

and fulfill my duties
and obligations

as a British citizen.

Well done. Now I will
hand out the certificates.

Abdul.

- Yes!

Thank you. Congratulations.

Dorothy.

Anthony.

It's the guy.

- Thanks.
- Congratulations.

Karen. Congratulations.

Karen.
Karen.

- That's kind of an intense name.
- Karen. Karen.

- Karen.
- It's unfortunate.

She's sticking with it.

- Winnie.
- Thank you.

- Jane.
- Thank you.

And, lastly, Sam.

Thank you so much.
Congratulations.

Congratulations.

- That's my mum.
- Oh, hello,

- mum.
- Very proud mum.

Everyone say something British.

Cheerio!

- - Yeah!

: Hello? Hello?

Message from the management.

I will need all
of your passports

in one place so I can see them

and touch them.

Please bring your
passports to the kitchen

right round. I
will see you there.

: Thank you.

Duke, Frankie, we
need your passports.

I hate the picture!

I'm not giving it to you.

We can't go unless
without your passport.

They won't let you in
the country without it.

I threw it away.

- No, she didn't. I'll...
- Ooh...

- Let me-let me talk to her.
- Thank you.

Great. Touching, seeing. Good.

Okay, honey, will you help me

pack

because you're good
at it, and I'm not.

Oof...

Okay, it's fine.

It's totally fine.

It's just packing.

I'm just leaving the
house, and everything

that I need is definitely here,

and I'm taking it there.

This is socks.

These kind of shirts.

Underwear, bras.

Okay, okay, okay. Lens cloth.

Are here. Chewy, you
could get in the bag.

Um...

Okay.

It's just packing. Ooh!

Jackets. Cashmere sweater. Iron.

Scarf. I wear scarves abroad.

Yes, I do.

Mildred Krinkle,
she goes in here.

Hand brace. Hand brace.

Melatonin. Xanax.

Okay, it's fine.

Oof. It's just packing.

You gonna be my service dog?

My blue blanket.

Oh, God.

Why is somebody here? No.

Jesus, you scared me.

I thought you were
my mom. I'm insane.

I just came to bring you and
the girls some Bar one's.

Are you kidding me?

I haven't eaten anything
today, I'm dying.

Dare I ask,
are you done packing?

Am I done packing? I
have four suitcases out.

It doesn't matter if I'm packing

for San Diego or Bulgaria.

Packing
shpilkes is real.

Ooh...

How are you?

My tribe
is driving me crazy,

but mama came for some tequila.

I got a surprise for you.

Guess who's in town?
My little brother.

Oh, that's sweet. Why is
that a surprise for me?

I-I told him that you
were up to your eyeballs,

- but he said he had to see you.
- Oh, God.

- No, no, no, not tonight.
- Yes, yes.

- No.
- He just wants to love on you

a little bit, give you a hug.

- Who wants to come down here and.
- Everybody, come down. Aunty

- and get some of this deliciousness?!
- Lenny brought Bar one's, people!

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm. So good.

- Mmm.
- Oh.

- Jesus loves the baby.
- Do you remember

when you brought it
for me, saved my life?

Yeah, I remember.

Rearview mirror.

- Ooh.

- That's Copeland.
- No.

- Copeland!
- Don't get it.

Don't get it. Stop.

Don't. Stop.

Hi! - TRESSA: Hi!
Hello!

- Look at that. It's a party.

We missed you.
Oh, I'm gonna make more drinks.

- Oh, I will have a drink.
- Yes, yes. Hello.

The pet lesbians are here
to take care of your pets.

- Well, we're here to turn your pets into lesbians.
- Oh, we are

the Quantico of
lesbianism for pets.

Well, I only
deal with the dogs.

Look, I don't even want to
hear about the other animals.

I told you I will
handle the snake.

Oh, my Go... I...

How many times do
I have to ask you

- not to even say the word?
- She has

- ophidiophobia.
- Like, why do you do that?

Thank you. That's
very responsible,

but I sent you an
email with everything,

and we're not leaving
till tomorrow.

- I can't do this right now.
Right.

I know, I know, I know, but

we just need to see
everything in person

- before you go.

- After Ruben, we do not take chances.
- Exactly.

- Who's Ruben?
Our friend Marcy's dog.

We were watching him
while she was away,

and she left one of his
meds off the list...

Like, off the list, totally.

And he had a heart
problem, and we couldn't reach her.

- She was in Mykonos.
- Mykonos.

And, anyway, we had
to put Ruben down

while Marcy was getting
railed by Greek bartenders.

Fat cunt.

So, just a
quick walk-through

- would make us feel so, so, so much better.
- Yeah.

- So we don't kill your dog.
- Or the thing that starts with an S.

I asked you not to... Like,
but it's like, -Just relax.

- It's like, I ask for things over...
Okay, okay, listen.

- There's pizza in the kitchen.
- Like, we don't want to kill your dog.

- Go in there, go get pizza.
- Oh, all right. Okay.

- All right.
- Oh, you better have a lot of shit bags.

- Please, you have to leave soon, that's all I'm asking.
- I know, I know, we're leaving.

- Not even here.
- I'm having so much shpilkes...

Sammy, Sammy, Sammy.

Little brother.

- Oh.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Oh, it's been such a long time.

- Yeah.

Sammy, you're a sight for
sore eyes. - Ha.

Is this a bad time?

Well... no.

Yes. Kind... I mean,
it's just that,

you know, we're going
overseas tomorrow,

and none of us are
packed, so, I mean...

Okay, so this is a fucking
nightmare. Okay, uh...

I'm sorry. Lenny didn't tell
me. I'll get out of your hair.

No, no, no, no, no. I
don't want you to leave.

I want you to stay.

I want to kill you
that it took you

so long to come and visit us,

even though I'm leaving now.

Well, I look forward
to being killed.

Stop.

Frankie. Duke.

Come down. Lenny's brother
Cope is here from the

- mountains?
- Yeah.

Hey, Cope. Oh, my God.

Franklin Delano. Duke.

- What's going on, my bros?
- Passport.

You guys all packed?
- I'm packed.

Oh!
- What are you doing here?

- Passport.
Oleksandr.

- Rupeta.

Hello. How've you been?
Good.

Where's your passport?

- Why are you hiding it?
- I'm not. Please shut up.

Hello?

Family, this
is my friend, Yancey.

- Mm.
- Holy...

Oh, my God. Okay, Cope said
that he was friends with you,

but I am, like, I can't
even believe this.

I love you. I love you.

- Sam Fox.
- Thank... Yes.

- Thank... Oh.
- Oh, my goodness.

- Oh, my goodness.
- Yes. Thank you.

- Oh, my goodness, my goodness.
- Yeah...

-This is meant to
be. Honestly, -Hi.

Me meeting you is meant to be.

I have seen all of your
work. I am, like, O. G.

Loving you from way back,
girl. Top ten, bitch.

Thank you very much.

My God, look
at all this art.

You know, Balthazar Anderson
says you can tell a lot

about a person
based on their art.

- Yeah.
- Can you tell me

what these pieces mean to you?

Well, you know, I I...
I really like these...

Thank you very much,
but I actually...

I have to... I have to pack.
I have a big, huge trip

tomorrow, so...

There's pizza in the kitchen
if you want some, though.

Great.
Hi.

I'm Max. I-I, like,
love your shoes.

Thank you.

They were in a couch I found
by the side of the road.

What? Whoa.

I know.
That's so cool.

I know.
That's cool.

Hey, girlfriend!

Get over here.

Hi.

Oh, my God,

this home is so beautiful.

Wow.

That is Cope's on
again, off again.

I am so sorry. I did
not know she was coming.

- I think she smelled my hair.
- Hair. Yeah.

- She does that. Yeah.
- Yeah. And she milked you.

I'm Britney, bitch.

Aah! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Are you kidding me?

No way. I can't be in the
same room with that thing!

- Tressa! Tressa!
- I got it, I got it.

Okay, breathe in and out.

She just needs a drink.

Maybe she should hold it.

Thank you, thank you, Yancey.

Yes, I'll just...

Yeah, I'll just take
her. Thank you so much.

I'll just...

Sun
goes up and down.

- Oh, God, uh...
Sun goes up and down.

- Time to go home now,

everybody.

Isn't Yancey funny?

And I like that name.

Yancey.

Hi. Have we met?
Sorry. I'm Frankie.

I don't know that
I've had the pleasure.

Who are you?

What are you talking about?

Max, I think I've
seen you try on, like,

16 different
personalities tonight.

What... Max. Hey.

- Max.

I'm sorry. That was
really harsh. I...

- You're all right.

It's okay.

It's okay.

- You're okay.
- No, no, it's okay.

I...

You're not wrong.
I do have, like,

like, 16 different
personalities, so...

I don't know who the fuck I am.

Do you want to
come help me pack?

I don't know what I'm doing,

and you're really good
at that shit, so...

- Oh.
- Ah.

Okay. I...

I think we should
probably head out.

Have a beautiful journey.

See you down the road, Cope.

Mm.

Hey, hey, hey. Come here, you.

- Bye!
- Uh-uh-uh. Come here, you.

- Come here, you.
- Oh.

- You need to...
Oh, I love you.

- Relax, okay?

Oh, my goodness! Look
how tense you are.

- Okay.
- Hey, Sammy, you're wearing your shoulders up

- as earrings, okay?
- Okay.

You have to relax,

- Sammy. No, no.
- Okay.

- Really. Hey. Hey.
- Oh.

- Relax. Okay?
- Okay. Thank you.

Let me just break up
these garlic knots.

Yeah. A little
harder right there.

- Thank you. : Yeah.
- Ooh.

Very nice. Thank you very much.

You.

- Ah.
- You. Miss Thang.

When are you gonna come
to the church choir group?

- Yeah...
- Okay, no, we need you.

She has such a great voice. I
have been asking her to join

- for years now.
- Good night, Yancey.

- It's always a pleasure.
- Okay, you better be there.

I mean, we'll see.

- No, you're gonna love it.

- You're coming.
- I'm really busy with my kids.

Lenny, it's run
by a Black woman.

You don't say.

We do gospel numbers.

We even sing in Zulu
and sign in Kenyan.

That means "love you."

- Okay, come on.
- Bye.

- Same as American.
Oh!

Slave songs!

We do slave songs!

Oh, wow. That sounds
like a crazy choir.

Oh.

- Oh, I remember
dat baby's braces.

Thank you.

Sorry. I love you. Good night.

- Oh.
- Slaves.

- Slave song.
- She doubled down.

- Baby...
- on that. I really...

Welcome aboard.

Hello.

- I'll check your tickets here.
- Oh, thank you.

Uh, seat 2B and 2C,

Mr. and Mrs. Fox.

Great. Stand there. Thank you.

- Welcome aboard.
Hi.

- Have a good flight. - I'm with them.
- Hi. Welcome aboard.

Oh, you are?

What are you... No.
Excuse me.

Uh, no, she's not supposed to be

in that seat. If you could
just check her ticket.

- Thank you. Mm.
- Thank you very much.

Sorry. Excuse me, madam. Could
I check your ticket, please?

Of course.

- Thank you so much.
- Phil. - Hmm.

I'm-I'm so sorry.

You're in the wrong seat.

- Oh.
- You're actually in the wrong section.

Oh.
- Just down the back.

- Hmm.

She's your mother.

- She's your mother.
- She's your mother.

- Hi. Welcome aboard.
- She's your mother.

- She's your mother!
- She's your mother.

This row.

I can't do it.
Oh.

That's very nice.

Oh, lovely.

I'm trapped.

Yeah, that's right.

Thank you.
Uh, 's-scuse me.

- I'm going over there. Could you?

Oops!

It's a bit of a squeeze.

- Oh, shit. I'm s...

Are you ok... Sorry about that.

What's this thing?
That's mine.

You could just grab
it off the seat,

- that'd be great, buddy.
- Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome aboard Flight 28769

- to London Heathrow.
- God. Jesus.

- There we are.

Phil.

- What?
- Let me see your ticket.

I think you're
sitting in my seat.

I most certainly am not.

I would never sit
in a middle seat.

- Look. Look.
- Phil.

There we are.

- Oh, be careful.

Sorry, just one second

to get settled.

Are you okay?

- I s-saw you...
- Yeah, I'm fine.

- Hit your head.

Here, Mom, read this.

This information stands
between us and death.

Nobody ever reads these.

- I always do.
- Right. It's very important.

- Thank you.
Relax.

Oh. Now what?
- It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

- Come on, look, look. We have our own row.

That's it. Come on. Good boy.

Oh, nearly there now. Look.

It's all right. It's all right.

- Look. Good.
- I want to move over!

- Want to sit? You're fine.

- - What a good boy.
- Aw. Hi!

Are we going to
behave ourselves?!

No.

- Are we gonna behave ourselves?

Mom.

- It's a long flight.
- What did I do?

He's be... He's talk...
yelling at a child.

You don't like it?

Oh. Hi.

- Oh.

- Hey.

No!
Good boy. Come on.

- : Oh, no.
- That's it. Come on. Sit down.

- Come on.

No! - Subtle.
Come on. Jonah.

- I want it, too.
I want to play.

Oh. We have a little
friend right here.

Boop-a-doo, ba-doop-doo.

- Ha.
- Jonah. Come on. Up.

No.

Lucky.

- : Duke.
Stop.

Do you want to switch?

Come sit next to Gran. Duke.

Please turn off all
personal electronic devices...

- Duke.
Mom, stop it.

We are currently experiencing
technical difficulties

with our in-air entertainment.

- As a reminder...
- Oh. I mean...

Bad luck.

: When
do they start the bevs?

Part is very good.
Is it?

- Enjoy, madam. There we go.
- I don't want to wait for too... Oh. Thank you.

Oh, would you like me to place
your box in the overhead?

- No. Thank you.
- Nice try, though.

It's
precious cargo. Sorry.

Oh, it's very pretty.

Oh.

Good day, passengers.

This is your captain speaking.

First, I would like
to welcome everyone...

Sam? Drink?

- Sam.
- Oh.

'Kay. Thank you.

- Mm.
- Do you think that's quite appropriate, Charlotte?

: Ma'am?

"Jesus saves."

It's a very
controversial statement.

The phrase "Jesus saves"...

I mean, it's very assumptive.

Phil.

Release.

- I was just getting a better look.
- Sorry.

She's presuming

- we all love Jesus.
- Jesus.

I'm so sorry, madam.

A gift from my grandmother. Aw.

My apologies. I forgot to
take it off before my shift.

- Must be
more careful, mustn't we?

For what it's worth, I
love the original Jesus.

I'm a fan, Charlotte.

I don't trust white
South Africans.

Mom.

Mom.

Mom.

Can I see one of your
grandmother's poems?

Yes, baby.

Okay.

'Scuse me.

Here you go, baby.

- Mm.

Mom.

- Mom. - It's okay.
- Frankie.

- It's okay.
- Shh. Calm down.

Mummy.
- Just keep your eye on your drink.

You see? Just watch the
drink and how it moves.

It's just air pockets.

That's all.

It's just air pockets.

Oh.
It's all right.

It'll pass. It always does.

- Mummy. Mummy.
Bit of chop, folks.

Flight attendants,
please be seated.

Do your little thing.

You'll see.

It doesn't work like
that anymore, Nan.

It's gone. I swear to God.

Whatever I... had, I broke.

Whoa.

Whatever was

special about me

is gone.

Never gone.

Just changing.

Everything changes.

Everything moves ever forward.

One day, trash.

Next day, you're wearing
diamond earrings.

Oh! That's enough!

Control your child!

I'm doing the
best I can, sir.

No!
- Come on.

- I'm sorry. I'm just...
Aah! No!

There is no need to apologize.

Been there, done that,
bought the factory, mama.

This is a long flight.

Your child is keeping me awake!

Um, bro,

the child is not the
issue here, okay?

Did you hear the pilot?

The flight attendants
are seated.

Don't speak to me.
I'm not your bro.

- This is ridiculous.

Utterly ridiculous.

Okay, could you just maybe chill

and take it down a notch, okay?

You don't need to be,
like, so over-the-top.

This is a little much.
It's just a baby, okay?

Who the fuck are you?!

I know my rights! Don't
tell me to bring it down!

Mummy.

Mummy.

- My name is George Carter.

I'm on Flight 28769

to London Heathrow.

And I would like you all to see

what these people are doing!

I have called the flight
attendant 14 times,

and nothing!

Okay, Scottish Karen.

- Ooh, Karen's mad.

My wife's name is Karen
and that is so offensive!

You are violating our rights!

Oh, we made the movie.

Hi to you and your wife.

Okay, you know what
I'm trying to do?

I'm trying to un-genderize
the word, okay?

So it's not differentiated
between man, woman,

idiot, flower,

Tootsie Pop,

whatever you are.

Sir. Sir.

You get a hold of yourself
or I will duct-tape you

to the fucking seat.

- Mm.
- Jesus does save.

In do minus nabiscos.

- Mm. Hmm.
Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Uh-oh!

To you both and to Dormin.

I really wish he
could have come.

I miss him. I do, too.

Thank you, guys, for this
incredible opportunity.

I-I really needed the
change.

- Really bad.
Yeah.

Sometimes you got to
shake the cocktail up.

It's our pleasure.

Cheers.

Oh, hello, Maxwell.

Hi, Mom.

Sam, how is it back in steerage?

You're not hearing that?

There is a psycho
asshole back there.

- It's insane.

- I'm not hearing a thing.
- No.

Good. We would hate
to disturb you.

There's no disturbance at all.

This is cute.

- Family time.
- Yeah.

- I got to drain the main vein.
- Okay.

- These toilets are for first-class passengers only.
Uh-oh.

I completely understand.

But there is a really
definite type of situation

back in my section.
Can I just go...

Oh, I'm sorry.

Those are the rules.

Okay, Stove.

Did you see Bridesmaids?

What is it with you
people in first class?

We're monsters.

Hmm!

"Call me
when you have no class!"

- Cham! Boo! Bee!
- Do it now, Hank.

Jerk.
- That's it, Rodney.

I'm going to need you to
return to your seat now.

Okay. All right.

Well, I'm so sorry to
bother everyone.

In first class. Enjoy
your sublime seats.

- Oh, it's really nice.
- I'm so glad that everybody

in first class belongs here.

: I'll see
you in Blighty, daughter!

Good night, Detroit!

Chill out, Stove!
All right, I'm going.