Better Things (2016–…): Season 4, Episode 9 - Episode #4.9 - full transcript
Oh. Oh.
Jerry Lewis.
That was great, Frankie.
That was great.
Thank you.
Wow.
Turns out, her little brother
*BETTER THINGS*
and my ex- boyfriend Yanni Nakamora
Season 04 Episode 09
used to run together before
Yanni got done by Winter Hill
for ripping off a truck
of ladies dresses.
Anyways, I tracked her down.
She was in town doing some kind
of big TV hoop-de-doo
- for some kind of flavored schnapps...
- Uncle Eddy, do you want me
- to help you move the furniture?
- Aww.
Thanks, Beanstalk.
Bit shattered.
But I'll manage. Too much
of the black stuff last night.
Oh, no.
My fags are soggy.
Could do with a dry cigarette
for once, I think.
Well, there is the toaster oven.
Oh, it's come to that, has it?
Harold,
I'll make you fresh food.
You don't have to eat
the leftovers.
Don't give him any more.
He already ate!
It's for later. You never know
with these things.
- Hi. Hi.
- Hey!
- Hi. Hi,
- Hi. - Hi.
When does everyone else
come over?
I have no idea. Bini?
Is there another place
you can get ready, honey?
I didn't know
what bathroom to choose.
What can I do?
How can I help?
Uh, please get out
the food processor.
- Hi. - For me.
- Oh, Mom.
Who's Madeline Kahn?
- Queen.
- What? Who is Madeline Kahn?
- Oh, my God.
- I was just saying
how Harold used to drive
Madeline Kahn around.
- What?
- Yeah, it was before
all the Mel Brooks mishigas.
She asked me to call her "Mads."
- Oh, my God.
- Mom, can I wear the special one?
Uh, yes, you can.
- Thank you.
- So, what's gonna be
the seating situation?
Oh, there's no seating
situation.
It's just, like...
You'll see.
It's, like, a free-flowing
kind of...
There's no seating situation.
I like to know for sure
the seating situation.
I got the spinal stenosis
in my back.
We used to take her for chinks,
out in Saugus.
Samanther, Samanther.
Remember when we used to go
to Dragon Island for chinks?
Jesus, with that. Bini!
Thevertebratesare all farkakt.
I got to know where I'm sitting.
Madeline said
she didn't remember him.
But she was very nice about it
and thanked him
for all his hard work.
Come on, Harold. You shtupped
Madeline Kahn, didn't you?
Young man, nice uniform,
driving around
all night in a Lincoln?
Chicken tenders on this one, huh?
- Eh, it was a Grand Marquis.
- Oh, okay. - Frankie!
Oh, vey iz mir!
It was strictly
a professional relationship.
But I will say,
the biggest bazungas I ever saw.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And she just left them
hanging out there.
She knew what
she was doing. Huh?
- God rest her soul.
- Sure. - Mom?
Yeah? - Paisley wants to
know if her date can bring a friend
- to Frankie's Batceañera.
- What? No.
- Paisley's not... no.
- All right!
Which one of you's has laid
a top-ten hit in that bog?
Confess or burn.
Does anyone smell smoke?
Oh, yeah.
Sorr... that's me, that's me.
I'm serious about
that shit, though.
Think it's grown a twin.
Bugger me.
Oh, fuck, my lips.
- Eddy.
- I'm eating here.
Okay. You need any help?
Hi!
Buenas tardes, Sam.
Buenas tardes.
Hi, Rosita.
- Welcome.
- Hi! How are you?
Looks so beautiful, Sam.
I want a food truck!
Knishes and carnitas.
Don't start nothing, I'm
sneaking out for a crafty fag.
Reinita.
- Que bonita...
- I don't like it.
- You look incredibly...
- Don't talk to me.
I'm memorizing a speech.
Don't interrupt and be annoying.
Right.
- My garters are slipping!
- Not ready yet, either.
- Eddy.
- What?
- You got an extra fag?
- No.
- Look who's here.
- Bro.
- Back to party. Better. Hello.
- Always.
- Wow. You look so...
- Wow you. - Mom.
- My gorgeous.
- Is she really wearing a men's suit?
Yes. From the '40s.
It's a replica of one
worn by Frida Kahlo.
That's really frickin' cool.
I love my cousins.
Phil.
I've said hello.
- I mean, there's nothing...
- Let's get a drink.
- All right.
- I-I did say hello.
What a beautiful simcha, Sam.
Thank you so much
for coming, Esperanza.
You know you taught me
how to be a Jewish mother.
- Where's my Duke?
- Oh, she's, um,
- she's actually out there with
her friends, with the kids. - Ay.
- You see?
- Okay.
- Smoke show.
- Hey. Hey.
- Isn't this cool?
- It's fantastic.
- Hi.
- Hey, Jaia.
I've never been to a bat mitzvah
like this before.
Oh, you're in
for a treat, Caroline.
We're having a proper blowout.
We have marichos,
carnitas and knishes.
A lot more than cheese.
Right, darling?
Well, I guess I won't have
to leave early, then, will I?
It's, uh, "mariachi."
- It's mariachi.
- Okay.
So... Yeah,
so we thought we'd throw them all,
- everybody, into...
- In the... Sure, in-into one pot.
Hello.
Hello, everyone.
Oh, hi.
I'm so proud of you.
I love you.
Congratulations.
This is my childhood.
All mothers are slightly insane.
Ka nui nga mihi.
I'm proud of you.
Frankie. Beautiful.
- I love you.
- I love you.
That's beautiful.
- Did you get that out of my room?
- No, I didn't.
I can't believe you did that.
- Didn't you give me that?
- I did, yeah.
♪♪ De Colores ♪♪
♪♪ De Colores se visten
los campos ♪♪
♪♪ En la primavera ♪♪
♪♪ De Colores ♪♪
♪♪ De Colores
son los pajarillos ♪♪
♪♪ Que vienen de afuera ♪♪
♪♪ De Colores ♪♪
♪♪ De Colores es el arco iris ♪♪
♪♪ Que vemos lucir ♪♪
♪♪ Y por eso los grandes amores ♪♪
♪♪ De muchos colores ♪♪
♪♪ Me gustan a mi ♪♪
♪♪ Y por eso los grandes amores ♪♪
♪♪ De muchos colores ♪♪
♪♪ Me gustan a mi... ♪♪
♪♪ Canta el gallo ♪♪
♪♪ Canta el gallo
con el quiri quiri ♪♪
♪♪ Quiri quiri quiri ♪♪
♪♪ La gallina ♪♪
♪♪ La gallina con el cara cara ♪♪
♪♪ Cara cara cara ♪♪
♪♪ Los polluelos ♪♪
♪♪ Los polluelos con el pio pio ♪♪
♪♪ Pio pio pi... ♪♪
You okay?
Babe, what are you doing?
- Huh? Hi.
- Hi.
Oh, nothing.
Go back to the party.
I'm looking for a little...
Did you see him out there?
I did.
Playing "dad" for the crowd.
And we all just smile and nod.
Ooh, my goodness.
It's amazing you came.
What do you expect, Sam?
You want him to give you
a public apology?
Uh, yeah.
That'd be great.
A little public humility.
That would...
I would really like that.
Frankie wanted him here,
and you fulfilled that request.
Yeah, what choice
did I have, though, really?
Is Frankie having
a great time?
'Cause that's all
that really matters.
Honestly, I'm more
concerned about you.
What is that supposed to mean?
You know what, never mind.
- Forget it.
- No, no, no, no.
I really...
I would like to know.
I would like to know.
Let's talk.
Uh, you're so concerned
about me.
I love when people are
concerned about me.
Fine. This death grip you have
on your anger.
What happened to you,
what he did.
We all know.
We were there.
We don't need to
rehash it every day.
It's incessant with you.
The folded arms
and the eye rolls;
it is not flattering.
And your friends don't want
to tell you 'cause we love you.
But... you gotta move on.
Okay. Wow.
That...
So, you've been separated
from Jeff for what,
about 15 minutes now?
And you're gonna tell me
that I need to move on?
Yeah, I am.
That's really great.
Ow.
I really need to find weed.
Can you feel something
on my back?
Yes. It-it is lumpy.
Uh... what is that?
It's my corset of torment.
You see, I have an arrhythmia.
My heart flutters
from time to time.
Uh, a-are you okay
to dance right now?
Oh, yes.
- Frankly, I think my cardiologist
is an idiot. - Oh.
I only listen to him because
my daughter forces me to.
My son only let me
have two glasses of wine a night.
Oh...
So I sneak tequila.
I steal swims. Desnuda.
Oh, my God.
Very interesting.
I- I... you want to sit down?
No, I don't want to sit down.
- Okay, all right.
- We've only just started.
Okay, baby, let's go again.
- Let's.
- Oh, wow.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Nothing.
Nothing?
Oh, and I hadn't even asked.
What are you doing?
- Nothing.
- We're hiding.
- What do you think?
- I see.
Well, I'm hiding, so...
- Hi.
- Hi, Mark.
- Hey.
- Hey.
What a shock, bumping into you
at the party you brought me to.
- Of course. - Sorry. - No.
- I stole her for, like...
- Let's, uh, grab a drink.
If you had a minute, yeah.
- Excuse me.
- Yeah, sure.
Oh.
Oh, hello.
- Hey.
- Hi. Hi.
Do you... Having...
Did you... did you try,
um, the horchata?
Uh, not yet.
Is that pork?
Huh? No. It's a drink.
- Never mind.
- Oh, sorry.
- Yeah.
- I-I'll check it out.
Hmm?
- Do you, uh...
- Believe in magic? What?
Do you want him to leave?
Yeah. What do you think?
But he's in his element.
He's not gonna leave.
No, I mean, do you want me
to go talk to him?
You know, scare him a little.
Yes.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Stop.
- What?
What were you gonna...?
What are you gonna say to him?
What would you do?
What would I do to him
right now?
Yeah, wh-what-what would you
say to him to make him leave?
I would get right up
in his face,
- like this.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
And I would say, "Why are making
your daughter's night
"about you?
It's time for you
to leave, asshole."
And what if he didn't?
It wouldn't get that far.
But if it did?
Well, then I would give him
what we call
a Chicago beatdown.
Do you know what
a Chicago beatdown is?
Nope. No, I don't,
but please tell me.
A Chicago beatdown is
the type of beatdown that,
after you've gotten one...
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
...you don't go out in public
for over a month.
No. No. Mm.
You'd do that?
You'd do that for me?
Boop.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Stop.
Stop, stop.
Come back, come back.
Come back.
Ooh. Very...
- satisfying exercise, buddy.
- Yeah? Yeah?
- I got you, buddy.
- I like that.
- My God, feel my heart.
- Oh.
My heart is, like, racing.
Get your hand off my heart.
Hi.
Ooh. Hi.
Yes!
Um, so I want to give a toast...
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
I want to give a toast,
but before I do that,
I want to ask the room
a question.
Who here was raised
by a single mom?
Same.
And I can say,
from watching it all go down,
that it's a thankless job.
But now I get to thank my mom...
Sam "Old Iron Pants" Fox.
- Thank you.
- Louder!
I'm gonna murder you.
- What? I can't hear her.
- Shh!
So, I-I just want to add
that I've come to realize
that life is about choices.
Rabbi Hilary told me that
when she looked at a graveyard,
what she didn't see was
the rows of headstones with a
bunch of faded names and dates.
What she saw was the choices
that went into
all of these lives.
So I think life is about
the choices that we make.
Anyway, Dad,
thank you for coming
and for being here now.
That was a good choice.
And thank you,
everybody else, for coming.
I love you all so much.
Good night, Detroit!
We love you!
Mazel tov!
Mazel tov!
Mazel tov, siman tov!
Siman tov,
mazel tov!
Mazel tov, siman tov!
Siman tov, mazel tov!
Frankie.
Baby.
Thank you.
I love you.
Uh...
Hi. Uh, Frankie,
I just wanted to say
a few words.
Um...
I am so proud of you.
You've grown into a very
impressive young woman.
Uh, your future is bright.
Uh, every time I see you,
uh, which I know isn't
often enough...
you always impress me.
And, uh, you've impressed
all of us here today.
So, congratulations.
Happy sweet 16.
She's 15, you moron!
Quinceañera.
Quinceañera.
Really.
Hey. Uh, Rob?
Ralph?
Ray? Rich.
Good to see you.
You know...
since the girls aren't around,
I'm gonna let you in
on a little something.
I have been your daughters'
emergency contact
on all their school forms.
I've driven them to
soccer tournaments in Temecula.
Chaperoned field trips
to the missions.
And you know what so many
strangers say to me?
"Your daughters are fantastic."
"Oh," I say,
"they're not my daughters.
"But I wish
they were my daughters.
Because they are fantastic."
And you know what else?
It has been my pure pleasure
watching them grow up.
And being there for them.
And I can't imagine my life
without them.
Excuse me.
♪♪ What does a girl do? ♪♪
♪♪ What should she do? ♪♪
♪♪ What does a girl do? ♪♪
♪♪ What should she do? ♪♪
♪♪ I've only known him
a short time, it's true ♪♪
♪♪ I should be careful
and watch what I do ♪♪
Hey, princess, what's up?
I'm gonna whisper in your ear
because I don't want
to embarrass you.
- ♪♪ Oh ♪♪
- ♪♪ What does a girl do? ♪♪
♪♪ What should I do? ♪♪
♪♪ How do I know he's not ♪♪
♪♪ Playing a game? ♪♪
♪♪ And if he is ♪♪
♪♪ Will he put me to shame? ♪♪
♪♪ Now he's getting near ♪♪
♪♪ Oh, my, oh, my dear, oh ♪♪
Hmm.
Oh. I know exactly
what you're going through, bro.
Persona non fucking grata.
And here, with your family,
it sucks.
I used to be you.
Oh, everybody hated me
after Sunny and I split.
They don't anymore?
No. They still do.
- Just not like before.
- Why not?
I went on, like, an amends tour.
It was a whole AA thing.
Basically, I apologized.
But I don't have anything
to apologize for.
I haven't done anything wrong.
Totally.
Hey. Nice speech, man.
It was a great speech.
Parts... that one part...
you know.
Shit. Are my teeth blue?
Goddamn it.
♪♪ I've only known him
a short time, it's true ♪♪
♪♪ I should be careful ♪♪
♪♪ And watch what I do ♪♪
♪♪ But now he wants to park ♪♪
♪♪ Where it's awfully dark, oh ♪♪
- Oh.
- Hey. Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Can we talk?
Um... this is
not really the right time
for a money conversation,
Xander.
We do that through lawyers.
Yeah, not money. No.
Um, just hear me out.
Uh, this whole... you know...
today, this...
I don't really know
how to put it.
Um... I guess I feel...
Yeah, I mean, Frankie and you
and the girls and...
this mix of cultures and, uh...
all the love in the room...
I'm moved.
O... kay.
Great. You're moved.
And also I just want...
I just wanted to say that,
um, I wish I had been
at more of these.
Well, you could have, Xander.
You were invited.
If the girls wanted you there,
I made sure you knew about it.
I know. I know.
That's not what I meant.
Um... I just wanted to say
that I...
I should have done better.
I had no excuse.
How long are you in town for?
Um...
Do you want to come
for dinner Friday?
Me and the girls?
Yes.
Yeah, that would be...
Yeah, I would like that.
- Okay.
- Yeah. What time?
Um... what time...?
- You know what...
- I'll see you Friday.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Shit.
All of a sudden there's, like...
this, like,
tiny little hedgehog...
Dormin?
Present.
I'm sorry.
Gimme.
Your son.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, come...
I love you, sweetie.
I love you.
- Be good, take care.
- You, too.
- - I wish that,
that you would cut loose some more.
- All right.
- I'm serious.
- Do you feel better?
- Mom.
- Marion.
- Good night, Phyllis.
See you, Gran.
How you doing, lumpy, hmm?
Oh.
Everybody's leaving.
Come on, let's go say goodbye.
I already did.
Well, let's go
say goodbye again.
You're not gonna see 'em
for a while.
- So? They don't care.
- Huh?
We never see them.
We never see anyone
in our family,
because that's the way
you want it,
and that's the way they want it.
Just go say goodbye.
What's the big deal?
They didn't come here
to see me, Mom.
They came here to see Frankie.
And now they're leaving again.
Duke.
Okay, Mom.
Jesus Christ!
You were my last fun child.
Did you see that shit?
Yes.
- What are you doing?
- Hello, I have a reservation.
Get out of here.
I believe it's under
Bob Dobalina.
You need a mint, Mom.
Excuse me.
Is the bar open seating?
- Right this way.
- Thank you.
- Just sit right here.
- Thank you very much, Miss.
- Good evening.
- Hi!
- How you doing?
- Good. How are you?
- I'm doing well.
- Uh, I would like a bottle
of your least expensive wine.
I think I can do better
than that.
Thank you.
Okay. I have two seats for you
right here. Excuse me.
Let me get a little video.
Okay, here are your menus,
and I'll be right back
with some bread.
Okay...
- Yes.
- Mom.
Very, very professional.
That's my kid.
My daughter.
It's her first job.
I'm kvelling a little bit.
Spying on her.
So you've pointed out,
so often.
So many qualities, so often.
Her loyalty, efficiency,
devotion, warmth and affection.
And so young.
So young and so fair.
I can't
believe you're making this up.
It sounds like something
out of an old Clyde Fitch play!
Hi, baby. All About Eve.
Yeah, I put it on.
I'm so proud of you.
Good, hard, honest work.
- Fuck yeah.
- Thanks.
- Are you the mother?
- Oh. Yes, I am.
I'm Cesario. Thank you
for coming to my restaurant.
Your daughter is very beautiful
and kind.
- Oh...
- Nice to meet you, Chef.
Nice to meet you.
She comes in early to help
my babbo with his English.
You do? You help his babbo?
- I love Babbo.
- Oh, thank you.
- Oh. Can I sit here?
- Uh, sure.
Thanks.
- Oh. This for you.
- Oh. Thank you very much.
Uh, I understand
you're an actress.
Yeah.
I have so many stories,
but I don't know
what to do with them.
I'm not a writer.
When I was a boy,
- my mother worked long hours...
- ♪♪ When I was just a little girl ♪♪
♪♪ I asked my mother,
"What will I be? ♪♪
♪♪ Will I be pretty,
will I be rich?" ♪♪
♪♪ Here's what she said to me ♪♪
♪♪ "Que será, será ♪♪
♪♪ "Whatever will be, will be ♪♪
♪♪ "The future's
not ours to see ♪♪
♪♪ "Que será, será ♪♪
♪♪ What will be, will be" ♪♪
♪♪ "Que será, será ♪♪
♪♪ "Whatever will be, will be ♪♪
♪♪ "The future's
not ours to see ♪♪
♪♪ "Que será, será ♪♪
♪♪ "What will be, will be ♪♪
♪♪ Que será, será." ♪♪
Jerry Lewis.
That was great, Frankie.
That was great.
Thank you.
Wow.
Turns out, her little brother
*BETTER THINGS*
and my ex- boyfriend Yanni Nakamora
Season 04 Episode 09
used to run together before
Yanni got done by Winter Hill
for ripping off a truck
of ladies dresses.
Anyways, I tracked her down.
She was in town doing some kind
of big TV hoop-de-doo
- for some kind of flavored schnapps...
- Uncle Eddy, do you want me
- to help you move the furniture?
- Aww.
Thanks, Beanstalk.
Bit shattered.
But I'll manage. Too much
of the black stuff last night.
Oh, no.
My fags are soggy.
Could do with a dry cigarette
for once, I think.
Well, there is the toaster oven.
Oh, it's come to that, has it?
Harold,
I'll make you fresh food.
You don't have to eat
the leftovers.
Don't give him any more.
He already ate!
It's for later. You never know
with these things.
- Hi. Hi.
- Hey!
- Hi. Hi,
- Hi. - Hi.
When does everyone else
come over?
I have no idea. Bini?
Is there another place
you can get ready, honey?
I didn't know
what bathroom to choose.
What can I do?
How can I help?
Uh, please get out
the food processor.
- Hi. - For me.
- Oh, Mom.
Who's Madeline Kahn?
- Queen.
- What? Who is Madeline Kahn?
- Oh, my God.
- I was just saying
how Harold used to drive
Madeline Kahn around.
- What?
- Yeah, it was before
all the Mel Brooks mishigas.
She asked me to call her "Mads."
- Oh, my God.
- Mom, can I wear the special one?
Uh, yes, you can.
- Thank you.
- So, what's gonna be
the seating situation?
Oh, there's no seating
situation.
It's just, like...
You'll see.
It's, like, a free-flowing
kind of...
There's no seating situation.
I like to know for sure
the seating situation.
I got the spinal stenosis
in my back.
We used to take her for chinks,
out in Saugus.
Samanther, Samanther.
Remember when we used to go
to Dragon Island for chinks?
Jesus, with that. Bini!
Thevertebratesare all farkakt.
I got to know where I'm sitting.
Madeline said
she didn't remember him.
But she was very nice about it
and thanked him
for all his hard work.
Come on, Harold. You shtupped
Madeline Kahn, didn't you?
Young man, nice uniform,
driving around
all night in a Lincoln?
Chicken tenders on this one, huh?
- Eh, it was a Grand Marquis.
- Oh, okay. - Frankie!
Oh, vey iz mir!
It was strictly
a professional relationship.
But I will say,
the biggest bazungas I ever saw.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And she just left them
hanging out there.
She knew what
she was doing. Huh?
- God rest her soul.
- Sure. - Mom?
Yeah? - Paisley wants to
know if her date can bring a friend
- to Frankie's Batceañera.
- What? No.
- Paisley's not... no.
- All right!
Which one of you's has laid
a top-ten hit in that bog?
Confess or burn.
Does anyone smell smoke?
Oh, yeah.
Sorr... that's me, that's me.
I'm serious about
that shit, though.
Think it's grown a twin.
Bugger me.
Oh, fuck, my lips.
- Eddy.
- I'm eating here.
Okay. You need any help?
Hi!
Buenas tardes, Sam.
Buenas tardes.
Hi, Rosita.
- Welcome.
- Hi! How are you?
Looks so beautiful, Sam.
I want a food truck!
Knishes and carnitas.
Don't start nothing, I'm
sneaking out for a crafty fag.
Reinita.
- Que bonita...
- I don't like it.
- You look incredibly...
- Don't talk to me.
I'm memorizing a speech.
Don't interrupt and be annoying.
Right.
- My garters are slipping!
- Not ready yet, either.
- Eddy.
- What?
- You got an extra fag?
- No.
- Look who's here.
- Bro.
- Back to party. Better. Hello.
- Always.
- Wow. You look so...
- Wow you. - Mom.
- My gorgeous.
- Is she really wearing a men's suit?
Yes. From the '40s.
It's a replica of one
worn by Frida Kahlo.
That's really frickin' cool.
I love my cousins.
Phil.
I've said hello.
- I mean, there's nothing...
- Let's get a drink.
- All right.
- I-I did say hello.
What a beautiful simcha, Sam.
Thank you so much
for coming, Esperanza.
You know you taught me
how to be a Jewish mother.
- Where's my Duke?
- Oh, she's, um,
- she's actually out there with
her friends, with the kids. - Ay.
- You see?
- Okay.
- Smoke show.
- Hey. Hey.
- Isn't this cool?
- It's fantastic.
- Hi.
- Hey, Jaia.
I've never been to a bat mitzvah
like this before.
Oh, you're in
for a treat, Caroline.
We're having a proper blowout.
We have marichos,
carnitas and knishes.
A lot more than cheese.
Right, darling?
Well, I guess I won't have
to leave early, then, will I?
It's, uh, "mariachi."
- It's mariachi.
- Okay.
So... Yeah,
so we thought we'd throw them all,
- everybody, into...
- In the... Sure, in-into one pot.
Hello.
Hello, everyone.
Oh, hi.
I'm so proud of you.
I love you.
Congratulations.
This is my childhood.
All mothers are slightly insane.
Ka nui nga mihi.
I'm proud of you.
Frankie. Beautiful.
- I love you.
- I love you.
That's beautiful.
- Did you get that out of my room?
- No, I didn't.
I can't believe you did that.
- Didn't you give me that?
- I did, yeah.
♪♪ De Colores ♪♪
♪♪ De Colores se visten
los campos ♪♪
♪♪ En la primavera ♪♪
♪♪ De Colores ♪♪
♪♪ De Colores
son los pajarillos ♪♪
♪♪ Que vienen de afuera ♪♪
♪♪ De Colores ♪♪
♪♪ De Colores es el arco iris ♪♪
♪♪ Que vemos lucir ♪♪
♪♪ Y por eso los grandes amores ♪♪
♪♪ De muchos colores ♪♪
♪♪ Me gustan a mi ♪♪
♪♪ Y por eso los grandes amores ♪♪
♪♪ De muchos colores ♪♪
♪♪ Me gustan a mi... ♪♪
♪♪ Canta el gallo ♪♪
♪♪ Canta el gallo
con el quiri quiri ♪♪
♪♪ Quiri quiri quiri ♪♪
♪♪ La gallina ♪♪
♪♪ La gallina con el cara cara ♪♪
♪♪ Cara cara cara ♪♪
♪♪ Los polluelos ♪♪
♪♪ Los polluelos con el pio pio ♪♪
♪♪ Pio pio pi... ♪♪
You okay?
Babe, what are you doing?
- Huh? Hi.
- Hi.
Oh, nothing.
Go back to the party.
I'm looking for a little...
Did you see him out there?
I did.
Playing "dad" for the crowd.
And we all just smile and nod.
Ooh, my goodness.
It's amazing you came.
What do you expect, Sam?
You want him to give you
a public apology?
Uh, yeah.
That'd be great.
A little public humility.
That would...
I would really like that.
Frankie wanted him here,
and you fulfilled that request.
Yeah, what choice
did I have, though, really?
Is Frankie having
a great time?
'Cause that's all
that really matters.
Honestly, I'm more
concerned about you.
What is that supposed to mean?
You know what, never mind.
- Forget it.
- No, no, no, no.
I really...
I would like to know.
I would like to know.
Let's talk.
Uh, you're so concerned
about me.
I love when people are
concerned about me.
Fine. This death grip you have
on your anger.
What happened to you,
what he did.
We all know.
We were there.
We don't need to
rehash it every day.
It's incessant with you.
The folded arms
and the eye rolls;
it is not flattering.
And your friends don't want
to tell you 'cause we love you.
But... you gotta move on.
Okay. Wow.
That...
So, you've been separated
from Jeff for what,
about 15 minutes now?
And you're gonna tell me
that I need to move on?
Yeah, I am.
That's really great.
Ow.
I really need to find weed.
Can you feel something
on my back?
Yes. It-it is lumpy.
Uh... what is that?
It's my corset of torment.
You see, I have an arrhythmia.
My heart flutters
from time to time.
Uh, a-are you okay
to dance right now?
Oh, yes.
- Frankly, I think my cardiologist
is an idiot. - Oh.
I only listen to him because
my daughter forces me to.
My son only let me
have two glasses of wine a night.
Oh...
So I sneak tequila.
I steal swims. Desnuda.
Oh, my God.
Very interesting.
I- I... you want to sit down?
No, I don't want to sit down.
- Okay, all right.
- We've only just started.
Okay, baby, let's go again.
- Let's.
- Oh, wow.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Nothing.
Nothing?
Oh, and I hadn't even asked.
What are you doing?
- Nothing.
- We're hiding.
- What do you think?
- I see.
Well, I'm hiding, so...
- Hi.
- Hi, Mark.
- Hey.
- Hey.
What a shock, bumping into you
at the party you brought me to.
- Of course. - Sorry. - No.
- I stole her for, like...
- Let's, uh, grab a drink.
If you had a minute, yeah.
- Excuse me.
- Yeah, sure.
Oh.
Oh, hello.
- Hey.
- Hi. Hi.
Do you... Having...
Did you... did you try,
um, the horchata?
Uh, not yet.
Is that pork?
Huh? No. It's a drink.
- Never mind.
- Oh, sorry.
- Yeah.
- I-I'll check it out.
Hmm?
- Do you, uh...
- Believe in magic? What?
Do you want him to leave?
Yeah. What do you think?
But he's in his element.
He's not gonna leave.
No, I mean, do you want me
to go talk to him?
You know, scare him a little.
Yes.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Stop.
- What?
What were you gonna...?
What are you gonna say to him?
What would you do?
What would I do to him
right now?
Yeah, wh-what-what would you
say to him to make him leave?
I would get right up
in his face,
- like this.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
And I would say, "Why are making
your daughter's night
"about you?
It's time for you
to leave, asshole."
And what if he didn't?
It wouldn't get that far.
But if it did?
Well, then I would give him
what we call
a Chicago beatdown.
Do you know what
a Chicago beatdown is?
Nope. No, I don't,
but please tell me.
A Chicago beatdown is
the type of beatdown that,
after you've gotten one...
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
...you don't go out in public
for over a month.
No. No. Mm.
You'd do that?
You'd do that for me?
Boop.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Stop.
Stop, stop.
Come back, come back.
Come back.
Ooh. Very...
- satisfying exercise, buddy.
- Yeah? Yeah?
- I got you, buddy.
- I like that.
- My God, feel my heart.
- Oh.
My heart is, like, racing.
Get your hand off my heart.
Hi.
Ooh. Hi.
Yes!
Um, so I want to give a toast...
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
I want to give a toast,
but before I do that,
I want to ask the room
a question.
Who here was raised
by a single mom?
Same.
And I can say,
from watching it all go down,
that it's a thankless job.
But now I get to thank my mom...
Sam "Old Iron Pants" Fox.
- Thank you.
- Louder!
I'm gonna murder you.
- What? I can't hear her.
- Shh!
So, I-I just want to add
that I've come to realize
that life is about choices.
Rabbi Hilary told me that
when she looked at a graveyard,
what she didn't see was
the rows of headstones with a
bunch of faded names and dates.
What she saw was the choices
that went into
all of these lives.
So I think life is about
the choices that we make.
Anyway, Dad,
thank you for coming
and for being here now.
That was a good choice.
And thank you,
everybody else, for coming.
I love you all so much.
Good night, Detroit!
We love you!
Mazel tov!
Mazel tov!
Mazel tov, siman tov!
Siman tov,
mazel tov!
Mazel tov, siman tov!
Siman tov, mazel tov!
Frankie.
Baby.
Thank you.
I love you.
Uh...
Hi. Uh, Frankie,
I just wanted to say
a few words.
Um...
I am so proud of you.
You've grown into a very
impressive young woman.
Uh, your future is bright.
Uh, every time I see you,
uh, which I know isn't
often enough...
you always impress me.
And, uh, you've impressed
all of us here today.
So, congratulations.
Happy sweet 16.
She's 15, you moron!
Quinceañera.
Quinceañera.
Really.
Hey. Uh, Rob?
Ralph?
Ray? Rich.
Good to see you.
You know...
since the girls aren't around,
I'm gonna let you in
on a little something.
I have been your daughters'
emergency contact
on all their school forms.
I've driven them to
soccer tournaments in Temecula.
Chaperoned field trips
to the missions.
And you know what so many
strangers say to me?
"Your daughters are fantastic."
"Oh," I say,
"they're not my daughters.
"But I wish
they were my daughters.
Because they are fantastic."
And you know what else?
It has been my pure pleasure
watching them grow up.
And being there for them.
And I can't imagine my life
without them.
Excuse me.
♪♪ What does a girl do? ♪♪
♪♪ What should she do? ♪♪
♪♪ What does a girl do? ♪♪
♪♪ What should she do? ♪♪
♪♪ I've only known him
a short time, it's true ♪♪
♪♪ I should be careful
and watch what I do ♪♪
Hey, princess, what's up?
I'm gonna whisper in your ear
because I don't want
to embarrass you.
- ♪♪ Oh ♪♪
- ♪♪ What does a girl do? ♪♪
♪♪ What should I do? ♪♪
♪♪ How do I know he's not ♪♪
♪♪ Playing a game? ♪♪
♪♪ And if he is ♪♪
♪♪ Will he put me to shame? ♪♪
♪♪ Now he's getting near ♪♪
♪♪ Oh, my, oh, my dear, oh ♪♪
Hmm.
Oh. I know exactly
what you're going through, bro.
Persona non fucking grata.
And here, with your family,
it sucks.
I used to be you.
Oh, everybody hated me
after Sunny and I split.
They don't anymore?
No. They still do.
- Just not like before.
- Why not?
I went on, like, an amends tour.
It was a whole AA thing.
Basically, I apologized.
But I don't have anything
to apologize for.
I haven't done anything wrong.
Totally.
Hey. Nice speech, man.
It was a great speech.
Parts... that one part...
you know.
Shit. Are my teeth blue?
Goddamn it.
♪♪ I've only known him
a short time, it's true ♪♪
♪♪ I should be careful ♪♪
♪♪ And watch what I do ♪♪
♪♪ But now he wants to park ♪♪
♪♪ Where it's awfully dark, oh ♪♪
- Oh.
- Hey. Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Can we talk?
Um... this is
not really the right time
for a money conversation,
Xander.
We do that through lawyers.
Yeah, not money. No.
Um, just hear me out.
Uh, this whole... you know...
today, this...
I don't really know
how to put it.
Um... I guess I feel...
Yeah, I mean, Frankie and you
and the girls and...
this mix of cultures and, uh...
all the love in the room...
I'm moved.
O... kay.
Great. You're moved.
And also I just want...
I just wanted to say that,
um, I wish I had been
at more of these.
Well, you could have, Xander.
You were invited.
If the girls wanted you there,
I made sure you knew about it.
I know. I know.
That's not what I meant.
Um... I just wanted to say
that I...
I should have done better.
I had no excuse.
How long are you in town for?
Um...
Do you want to come
for dinner Friday?
Me and the girls?
Yes.
Yeah, that would be...
Yeah, I would like that.
- Okay.
- Yeah. What time?
Um... what time...?
- You know what...
- I'll see you Friday.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Shit.
All of a sudden there's, like...
this, like,
tiny little hedgehog...
Dormin?
Present.
I'm sorry.
Gimme.
Your son.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, come...
I love you, sweetie.
I love you.
- Be good, take care.
- You, too.
- - I wish that,
that you would cut loose some more.
- All right.
- I'm serious.
- Do you feel better?
- Mom.
- Marion.
- Good night, Phyllis.
See you, Gran.
How you doing, lumpy, hmm?
Oh.
Everybody's leaving.
Come on, let's go say goodbye.
I already did.
Well, let's go
say goodbye again.
You're not gonna see 'em
for a while.
- So? They don't care.
- Huh?
We never see them.
We never see anyone
in our family,
because that's the way
you want it,
and that's the way they want it.
Just go say goodbye.
What's the big deal?
They didn't come here
to see me, Mom.
They came here to see Frankie.
And now they're leaving again.
Duke.
Okay, Mom.
Jesus Christ!
You were my last fun child.
Did you see that shit?
Yes.
- What are you doing?
- Hello, I have a reservation.
Get out of here.
I believe it's under
Bob Dobalina.
You need a mint, Mom.
Excuse me.
Is the bar open seating?
- Right this way.
- Thank you.
- Just sit right here.
- Thank you very much, Miss.
- Good evening.
- Hi!
- How you doing?
- Good. How are you?
- I'm doing well.
- Uh, I would like a bottle
of your least expensive wine.
I think I can do better
than that.
Thank you.
Okay. I have two seats for you
right here. Excuse me.
Let me get a little video.
Okay, here are your menus,
and I'll be right back
with some bread.
Okay...
- Yes.
- Mom.
Very, very professional.
That's my kid.
My daughter.
It's her first job.
I'm kvelling a little bit.
Spying on her.
So you've pointed out,
so often.
So many qualities, so often.
Her loyalty, efficiency,
devotion, warmth and affection.
And so young.
So young and so fair.
I can't
believe you're making this up.
It sounds like something
out of an old Clyde Fitch play!
Hi, baby. All About Eve.
Yeah, I put it on.
I'm so proud of you.
Good, hard, honest work.
- Fuck yeah.
- Thanks.
- Are you the mother?
- Oh. Yes, I am.
I'm Cesario. Thank you
for coming to my restaurant.
Your daughter is very beautiful
and kind.
- Oh...
- Nice to meet you, Chef.
Nice to meet you.
She comes in early to help
my babbo with his English.
You do? You help his babbo?
- I love Babbo.
- Oh, thank you.
- Oh. Can I sit here?
- Uh, sure.
Thanks.
- Oh. This for you.
- Oh. Thank you very much.
Uh, I understand
you're an actress.
Yeah.
I have so many stories,
but I don't know
what to do with them.
I'm not a writer.
When I was a boy,
- my mother worked long hours...
- ♪♪ When I was just a little girl ♪♪
♪♪ I asked my mother,
"What will I be? ♪♪
♪♪ Will I be pretty,
will I be rich?" ♪♪
♪♪ Here's what she said to me ♪♪
♪♪ "Que será, será ♪♪
♪♪ "Whatever will be, will be ♪♪
♪♪ "The future's
not ours to see ♪♪
♪♪ "Que será, será ♪♪
♪♪ What will be, will be" ♪♪
♪♪ "Que será, será ♪♪
♪♪ "Whatever will be, will be ♪♪
♪♪ "The future's
not ours to see ♪♪
♪♪ "Que será, será ♪♪
♪♪ "What will be, will be ♪♪
♪♪ Que será, será." ♪♪