Better Things (2016–…): Season 4, Episode 6 - New Orleans - full transcript
Sam goes to a wedding. Written by Joe Hortua; directed by Pamela Adlon.
Bonjour ! Laissez les bon temps
rouler... Whatever.
- Hi ! How are you ?
- I'm good !
Yes, you made it !
- Oh my God.
- We're so happy you came.
I can't believe I'm here !
I mean...
I do get invited to so many
gay Bolly-Billy weddings,
that I finally had to cave
and accept one invitation.
- Are you hungry ? We're hungry.
- Yes, I'm starving ! And thirsty.
Good. 'Cause we're having brunch at a
very no shit N'awlins legendary place.
The only catch is you have to eat with
some of my batshit Southern family.
- I love batshit Southern families !
- And my crazy Indian family.
I love crazy Indian families.
Even better Peanut Butter cup.
Two great tastes
that taste great together.
Perfect !
- How are you today ?
- Ok.
This your folks' first time
in New Orleans ?
No. I'm from here.
My family lives here.
I've never been here before.
- And now, my family lives here too.
- They're getting married.
- Who's getting married ?
- He and I are.
OK. Hey man... I'm all for the gays
gettin' married and making families.
'Cause you gone be a whole lot better
spouses than my ex-husbands.
- How old are your kids ?
- 25, 19 and 10.
- They're my whole world.
- Sweet !
- You got kids ?
- Three girls.
- Where's the daddy ?
- You tell me.
I know that's right.
Motherfucker.
Yo, my man.
Yo, go tell this fucker she can't be
a cab driver if she can't drive.
He say you a fuck nigga.
Oh yeah ? You tell him his mammy
is a fuck nigga.
Dick-sucking ass bitch !
What the fuck ?
He don't know who he playin' with !
He better go ask some-damn-body !
He messin' with the wrong one today
that's for damn sure !
BETTER THINGS
Unfortunately, we can't seat you
dressed like this.
- Oh c'mon. Really ?
- Like what ?
We require gentlemen
to wear a collared shirt.
I want you to know,
this is a cashmere knit top.
Is there any way
you could make an exception ?
No.
Oh damn. Because, you see,
these two gentleman,
they're getting married
and this is their wedding brunch, so...
Congratulations, gentleman.
However, we've been in business
since 1893.
Our traditions are integral to our
identity. This includes our dress code.
Our apologies for any inconvenience.
- OK...
- So...
- Whatever, let's just go.
- Our family's...
Let's go ! Maneesh !
You know what ?
I understand.
- It's not him.
- This is ridiculous !
I'm offended. He only did that
because we're gay.
No, he didn't. Did you see him ?
He's totally gay.
Really ?
We're can't brunch with our families
because of some antebellum dress code ?
They only want you to wear
a collared shirt and a sport coat.
We accept your challenge !
It's OK, it'll be fine,
let's go shopping.
OK...
This is nice !
You know what ?
I want to drink alcohol on the streets.
That's what you do in New Orleans,
right ? You drink beer on the streets.
- Go ahead, I don't care.
- Whatever.
Find something cute. I'm just gonna go
I think right here. OK.
This place is somewhere around here.
I mean... Geez !
- Oh, my God, I'm sorry !
- It's OK.
- I have napkins !
- I think it's beer. It's beer, right ?
It smells like beer.
Right ?
It smells like beer.
- Thank you for the napkins.
- Yeah, it's beer.
It'll come out.
Except the smell...
Alright...
- Why would you thank her ?
- She gave me napkins.
- Hey !
- Hi !
- You like it ? Is it me ?
- Oh, my God, so cute !
You guys look so good !
Let's go eat.
- Who was that ?
- Nobody.
Nobody...
You want some beer ?
You came back !
I'll be damned.
Rarely do patrons come back
with a new set of clothes.
I can't tell you how impressed I am.
Thank you for being respectful.
Horace, get these lovely folks a bottle
of Bichot Burgundy on the house.
- This way, folks.
- That's very nice !
They should make it two.
This tie was freakin' expensive.
Hello ! Hi !
- This is Sam...
- Hi !
Finally !
- I'm very honoured to be here.
- Welcome to New Orleans !
Thank you !
So you start drinking early ?
There's breakfast drinking,
there's brunch drinking,
there's afternoon drinking,
and dinner drinking.
- Sometime I sip a little bedtime nip.
- I love a nip.
This isn't cashmere knit top !
- Is she the one that...
- Everyone thinks we look alike.
We used to look like twins growing up.
That's just 'cause
I wore your clothes all the time.
To Maneesh...
- Daddy like a little...
- Oh, he loves... Daddy love-y...
My son is only gonna get married once.
And I wanna enjoy every second of it.
- Dad, we're not at the wedding yet !
- You can never start early enough.
He sounded a little Irish there.
"You can never start early enough."
This is an arranged marriage.
Thank you, Mom and Dad...
- So far it's working out...
- First wedding, huh ?
We'll see how it goes.
- You're gonna be with me forever.
- With that face ?
I need more wine.
Hey... Hey, hey.
I know you ! I know you !
You're from TV and the movies.
I think you're the...
I know who you are....
Yeah, I think you have me mistaken for
somebody else. I get that a lot.
Sure, yeah. I wanna say something. And,
don't take you this the wrong way.
Okay.
I've masturbated to you.
More than once.
What's the matter ?
Just back off !
Okay, I'm the bad guy.
You try to say something nice.
"You try to say something nice"...
He was...
- I'm so sorry !
- It's okay, Miss Louise.
Someone
should teach that man a lesson.
He's just drunk.
That is no excuse. And he never took
off his hat when he was addressing you.
Twice he has disrespected
my alma mater.
And... did he say masturbate ?
Yes...
- I am going to set that boy straight.
- No, no !
Miss Louise. It's not worth it.
Just stay right here.
You'll wake up
some scary ghost in him...
That is incredible, that you wanted to
defend my honour like that.
I don't know when anybody ever did...
It's OK, look. I just wanna say
I'm sorry for what happened.
You !
You step away from this woman
right now !
I told you. She's everything !
- To Grandma Louise !
- To Grandma !
Andrew started doing my hair back
in LA, in like, mid-2000s ?
But now I fly him back here
mostly just to do my coloring.
But it's not just about the hair with
Andy. I just love him so much.
- Me too.
- He's the only thing I miss about LA.
Really ?
He's the only thing you miss ?
I miss Tacos Tu Madre
and the Hollywood Bowl on a cool night.
But I am so happy here, Sam !
I bought this house for half of what
my house cost in Bel Air.
Really ? This place is unbelievable !
I know, I love it ! And it's not just
the house. It's the whole city.
It's added years to my life. The
culture. The food. The sex I'm having.
Oh yes.
It has improved. Restored, actually.
This place is a romantic/sexy
fuck city.
- Whoa.
- Yeah. Let me ask you a question.
In LA, did men stop talking to you
somewhere in your mid-40s ?
Yep.
It's a whole different song here.
All sorts of men hit on me. Every day.
Young men. Old men.
- So young men hit on you here ?
- Yes.
Men ain't looking for shallow water.
They're looking for full lives.
And that is why I'm getting dick.
All the time.
How all is all the time ?
I'm literally picking dick
out of my pussy, Sam.
You gotta sell your house and move out
here. You would love it !
I wanna pick dick out of my pussy too !
I'm moving to New Orleans !
- Cheers !
- Wow !
Maneesh and I went to college together.
I think he wrote all my English lit
papers.
He was the brilliant one that lived
down the hall from me.
I never left him alone.
I'm sorry. Please excuse me for
a second. I need to kiss my wife.
Yeah, of course.
These chairs...
- Sorry.
- I'm sorry.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- Yes. Hello. Hi.
Oh, my God.
- So...
- You know Maneesh and Andrew ?
She knows Andrew.
She works with Andew.
Wait, you were on the street.
- You two know each other ?
- Lainie, this is Sam. Sam, Lainie.
- Hi. Nice to meet you, Lainie.
- Nice to meet you.
Wait. I'm so confused.
Why didn't you two say hi to each other
on the street ?
Yeah. That was kind of weird.
- I...
- Yeah.
Anyway, it's very nice...
Yes.
So I'll see you around this...
- I think we're over there.
- Yes.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to introduce the newlyweds.
Mr. Maneesh Pyati
and Mr. Andrew W. Pyati.
Do you have something for me ?
Well... I think maybe
this belongs to you, darlin'.
Thank you.
Everybody...
Thank you all for being here.
I love all of you so much,
I can't stand it.
This is for... my husband.
Many of you may not know this, but
I met Maneesh on a burning airplane.
It's true, true story.
Shout out to flight 27 in the crowd !
Survivors !
That cockpit in flames feels like
it happened to someone else, like...
I was a curious onlooker or
in some kind of a fever dream,
quite frankly.
But despite that scare, I look back on
that day with great warmth.
My fellow passengers and I
did some trauma bonding.
And because of that I met this amazing
human being, Maneesh.
And later, his wonderful Andrew.
And for that, I am eternally grateful.
So, to Maneesh and Andrew,
I wish you a lifetime of intimacy,
companionship and love.
But, most of all,
great gay sex.
I need to ask you.
No date ?
Nope. Just me dancing alone here with
you. And that's very okay with me.
Well... I've attended to a lot of
weddings alone myself.
My husband passed away 22 years ago.
Prostate cancer.
- Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
- Don't be. He was an asshole.
I kinda knew you were gonna say that.
Oh, Ms. Louise !
- If you don't mind, I wanna cut in.
- You may. Enjoy.
- It's a dance for both of you.
- I know.
Friends, family.
I would now like to present
the entertainment.
One of this town's greatest cultural
artifacts, The Bayou Bon Bon.
Also known as the Flirty Martini
with a Twist.
New Orleans' very own
and my dear friend,
Ms. Sharon Greenstein !
Come on up !
Ever since I was a young woman,
I saved every sari I owned.
I told myself I was saving it
for our future daughter.
A daughter that we never had.
Instead we had a magnificent son.
Our sweet Maneesh.
Who from a young age, made it clear
that he would not have
a traditional wife.
We got around to the idea.
And so today, Maneesh has married
a wonderful man named Andrew.
We are so proud of both of you.
So... I have placed a dowry chest
in your hotel room.
In it, you will find all my old saris.
You can do whatever you want
with them.
We love you both very much.
And now I have two sons !
Which is great.
But it's also crazy because in Mumbai,
where I am from,
they hate to be a gay.
Thank God my brother is not here.
And my terrible sister-in-law
who runs a sweatshop in Gujarat.
The woman stole from the family.
She stole my gold tooth.
And you should know about your family.
Hi. Good evening. I mean...
Oh, good morning !
Yes. Just curious. Is my room available
for one more night ?
Yes, I would.
Great. Yeah. Let's do it.
Hi. I am actually looking
to buy a potion today.
What're looking for ?
Something medicinal ?
No. Not that.
- Love ?
- What ? No ! Ew !
So what do you wanna do ?
You wanna anoint something ?
Conjure something ?
You wanna bless or thwart something ?
No. I think I just want something
for me, for today.
To experience the city.
I got you.
This is a potion made by our in-house
high priest, Jean-Baptiste.
- Is that really his name ?
- Yeah.
That's the chef's name,
Jean Baptiste.
It just sounds like a made-up name,
like a Pirates of the Caribbean thing.
And he made this potion
exclusively for us.
It's for newcomers to New Orleans.
To help them to see the city
through mystic eyes.
I want that one.
I'll take...
- So you just drink this ?
- You just drink it.
Okay. Is it sanitary ?
Thank you.
You got anything for hands ?
Ready to order, miss ?
Yeah... I really want the crawfish,
but I can't eat a pound.
Is that really the smallest amount
I can order ?
A pound of crawfish ain't that much
meat. We weigh them shells and all.
Once you crack 'em open with
your fingers it comes out much less.
Oh. That's a lot of hands, sounds like.
Not sure if my hands are up to that.
- Maybe you should order crab cakes.
- But that's lame.
Coming to crawfish boil
and not ordering the crawfish.
I'll help you out with those.
- You will ?
- Sure, why not.
Let's pinch them tails
and suck them heads.
OK ! Come on !
Folks...
Suck away !
Thank you !
Can we get two plates ?
Oh, it's not that hard !
- This is where all the flavour's at.
- In here ?
You hold the body, twist the tail.
And crunch it. Just crunch it.
It's salty !
- Tell me about yourself.
- Stormin' Norman, the one and only.
Chucking oysters 42 years.
I'm Michael Broadway.
They call me Hollywood for short.
I'm a bad motherchucker.
- This is my moneymaker.
- Look at that hand !
I chuck a job all day long.
- They're good ! Spicy.
- You can peel the claws off too.
- That one is dead.
- Yup.
- You just eat the potato like this ?
- My personal favourite is the corn.
Anybody ask you how you like your
oysters, you tell 'em clean and cold.
'Cause they taste better.
Breakfast of champions.
Breakfast of champions.
You need another beer.
- True.
- Cheers, you guys !
- I love The Big Easy !
- Welcome to The Big Easy !
Get up, boy !
You can't do that here !
Get your ass out my door !
Look at the crown molding.
And the high ceilings.
This place is only this much ?
You're giving it away. You're crazy.
A house like this is a small fortune
for us locals.
Oh.
I didn't mean to sound like that.
No, that's alright, honey.
I'm used to it.
You see,
we're survivors in this city, so.
Whatever it takes to get through what
we gotta get through, we just do it.
Yes, ma'am.
Is this place sold ?
Yeah. That one went into escrow this
week. Chinese fella bought it.
Well, you have my info.
You know what I like,
so if you see something,
give me a call.
I got you, baby. I know your taste.
You like big kitchen and bathrooms.
Good room flow.
- And great toilets.
- That's the one.
Hi.
I'm so sorry to bother you.
I love your set, I love your music,
I'm a big fan.
Well, thank you very much, love.
- What's your name ?
- I'm Sam.
- It's nice to meet you, Sam.
- Nice to meet you.
- Where you from ?
- I'm from LA.
LA. I love LA.
Can I buy you a drink ?
Oh, sure. Yeah.
Can I get another double Jameson
straight up ?
Comin' right up.
I got a show coming up in LA in August.
Oh. That is such great news !
- Your are so talented. Damn it.
- Yes !
That's why I knew when I met him
two years ago... I had to have him.
And now he's mine.
- Irina.
- Hello. Sam. Yes...
You're pretty talented yourself.
I follow your work for a long time now.
- I've been enjoying you.
- Thank you.
By the way,
that show in LA is August 23rd.
Okay. Great ! I'm getting tickets.
I'm gonna bring my...
- We'll see you there then.
- OK, yes.
Nice to meet you.
Thanks for the drink.
Sorry !
Another Sam body slam.
How'd I get so lucky ?
- Hi.
- Hi.
- What ?
- What ?
- What ?
- What ?
Aren't you missing something ?
Someone ?
No. I don't think so.
She could tell I wanted to be someplace
else. So she went back to the hotel.
And I came here.
That makes you not a very good date.
It was her idea.
Okay. Where are we going ?
Come on !
Sam.
It's Mae, your N'awlins realtor.
You won't believe this,
but that house you loved ?
The one in escrow to the Chinese guy ?
The deal fell through.
It's back on the market.
This could really work out perfect
for you.
Lemme know when you want to see it.
I will set it up. OK.
Call me. Bye.
Sara ? That you ?
Remember me ?
- We ate craw-daddies.
- Thank you for helping me.
- Oh yeah.
- Okay.
- Have a good night !
- Call me !
- He's my best friend.
- Didn't tell me your name was Sara.
Well...
I have lots of secrets too.
Oh yeah ?
Wanna tell one ?
Well you just found out.
My name is Sara.
Dedicated to the people and city
of New Orleans
rouler... Whatever.
- Hi ! How are you ?
- I'm good !
Yes, you made it !
- Oh my God.
- We're so happy you came.
I can't believe I'm here !
I mean...
I do get invited to so many
gay Bolly-Billy weddings,
that I finally had to cave
and accept one invitation.
- Are you hungry ? We're hungry.
- Yes, I'm starving ! And thirsty.
Good. 'Cause we're having brunch at a
very no shit N'awlins legendary place.
The only catch is you have to eat with
some of my batshit Southern family.
- I love batshit Southern families !
- And my crazy Indian family.
I love crazy Indian families.
Even better Peanut Butter cup.
Two great tastes
that taste great together.
Perfect !
- How are you today ?
- Ok.
This your folks' first time
in New Orleans ?
No. I'm from here.
My family lives here.
I've never been here before.
- And now, my family lives here too.
- They're getting married.
- Who's getting married ?
- He and I are.
OK. Hey man... I'm all for the gays
gettin' married and making families.
'Cause you gone be a whole lot better
spouses than my ex-husbands.
- How old are your kids ?
- 25, 19 and 10.
- They're my whole world.
- Sweet !
- You got kids ?
- Three girls.
- Where's the daddy ?
- You tell me.
I know that's right.
Motherfucker.
Yo, my man.
Yo, go tell this fucker she can't be
a cab driver if she can't drive.
He say you a fuck nigga.
Oh yeah ? You tell him his mammy
is a fuck nigga.
Dick-sucking ass bitch !
What the fuck ?
He don't know who he playin' with !
He better go ask some-damn-body !
He messin' with the wrong one today
that's for damn sure !
BETTER THINGS
Unfortunately, we can't seat you
dressed like this.
- Oh c'mon. Really ?
- Like what ?
We require gentlemen
to wear a collared shirt.
I want you to know,
this is a cashmere knit top.
Is there any way
you could make an exception ?
No.
Oh damn. Because, you see,
these two gentleman,
they're getting married
and this is their wedding brunch, so...
Congratulations, gentleman.
However, we've been in business
since 1893.
Our traditions are integral to our
identity. This includes our dress code.
Our apologies for any inconvenience.
- OK...
- So...
- Whatever, let's just go.
- Our family's...
Let's go ! Maneesh !
You know what ?
I understand.
- It's not him.
- This is ridiculous !
I'm offended. He only did that
because we're gay.
No, he didn't. Did you see him ?
He's totally gay.
Really ?
We're can't brunch with our families
because of some antebellum dress code ?
They only want you to wear
a collared shirt and a sport coat.
We accept your challenge !
It's OK, it'll be fine,
let's go shopping.
OK...
This is nice !
You know what ?
I want to drink alcohol on the streets.
That's what you do in New Orleans,
right ? You drink beer on the streets.
- Go ahead, I don't care.
- Whatever.
Find something cute. I'm just gonna go
I think right here. OK.
This place is somewhere around here.
I mean... Geez !
- Oh, my God, I'm sorry !
- It's OK.
- I have napkins !
- I think it's beer. It's beer, right ?
It smells like beer.
Right ?
It smells like beer.
- Thank you for the napkins.
- Yeah, it's beer.
It'll come out.
Except the smell...
Alright...
- Why would you thank her ?
- She gave me napkins.
- Hey !
- Hi !
- You like it ? Is it me ?
- Oh, my God, so cute !
You guys look so good !
Let's go eat.
- Who was that ?
- Nobody.
Nobody...
You want some beer ?
You came back !
I'll be damned.
Rarely do patrons come back
with a new set of clothes.
I can't tell you how impressed I am.
Thank you for being respectful.
Horace, get these lovely folks a bottle
of Bichot Burgundy on the house.
- This way, folks.
- That's very nice !
They should make it two.
This tie was freakin' expensive.
Hello ! Hi !
- This is Sam...
- Hi !
Finally !
- I'm very honoured to be here.
- Welcome to New Orleans !
Thank you !
So you start drinking early ?
There's breakfast drinking,
there's brunch drinking,
there's afternoon drinking,
and dinner drinking.
- Sometime I sip a little bedtime nip.
- I love a nip.
This isn't cashmere knit top !
- Is she the one that...
- Everyone thinks we look alike.
We used to look like twins growing up.
That's just 'cause
I wore your clothes all the time.
To Maneesh...
- Daddy like a little...
- Oh, he loves... Daddy love-y...
My son is only gonna get married once.
And I wanna enjoy every second of it.
- Dad, we're not at the wedding yet !
- You can never start early enough.
He sounded a little Irish there.
"You can never start early enough."
This is an arranged marriage.
Thank you, Mom and Dad...
- So far it's working out...
- First wedding, huh ?
We'll see how it goes.
- You're gonna be with me forever.
- With that face ?
I need more wine.
Hey... Hey, hey.
I know you ! I know you !
You're from TV and the movies.
I think you're the...
I know who you are....
Yeah, I think you have me mistaken for
somebody else. I get that a lot.
Sure, yeah. I wanna say something. And,
don't take you this the wrong way.
Okay.
I've masturbated to you.
More than once.
What's the matter ?
Just back off !
Okay, I'm the bad guy.
You try to say something nice.
"You try to say something nice"...
He was...
- I'm so sorry !
- It's okay, Miss Louise.
Someone
should teach that man a lesson.
He's just drunk.
That is no excuse. And he never took
off his hat when he was addressing you.
Twice he has disrespected
my alma mater.
And... did he say masturbate ?
Yes...
- I am going to set that boy straight.
- No, no !
Miss Louise. It's not worth it.
Just stay right here.
You'll wake up
some scary ghost in him...
That is incredible, that you wanted to
defend my honour like that.
I don't know when anybody ever did...
It's OK, look. I just wanna say
I'm sorry for what happened.
You !
You step away from this woman
right now !
I told you. She's everything !
- To Grandma Louise !
- To Grandma !
Andrew started doing my hair back
in LA, in like, mid-2000s ?
But now I fly him back here
mostly just to do my coloring.
But it's not just about the hair with
Andy. I just love him so much.
- Me too.
- He's the only thing I miss about LA.
Really ?
He's the only thing you miss ?
I miss Tacos Tu Madre
and the Hollywood Bowl on a cool night.
But I am so happy here, Sam !
I bought this house for half of what
my house cost in Bel Air.
Really ? This place is unbelievable !
I know, I love it ! And it's not just
the house. It's the whole city.
It's added years to my life. The
culture. The food. The sex I'm having.
Oh yes.
It has improved. Restored, actually.
This place is a romantic/sexy
fuck city.
- Whoa.
- Yeah. Let me ask you a question.
In LA, did men stop talking to you
somewhere in your mid-40s ?
Yep.
It's a whole different song here.
All sorts of men hit on me. Every day.
Young men. Old men.
- So young men hit on you here ?
- Yes.
Men ain't looking for shallow water.
They're looking for full lives.
And that is why I'm getting dick.
All the time.
How all is all the time ?
I'm literally picking dick
out of my pussy, Sam.
You gotta sell your house and move out
here. You would love it !
I wanna pick dick out of my pussy too !
I'm moving to New Orleans !
- Cheers !
- Wow !
Maneesh and I went to college together.
I think he wrote all my English lit
papers.
He was the brilliant one that lived
down the hall from me.
I never left him alone.
I'm sorry. Please excuse me for
a second. I need to kiss my wife.
Yeah, of course.
These chairs...
- Sorry.
- I'm sorry.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- Yes. Hello. Hi.
Oh, my God.
- So...
- You know Maneesh and Andrew ?
She knows Andrew.
She works with Andew.
Wait, you were on the street.
- You two know each other ?
- Lainie, this is Sam. Sam, Lainie.
- Hi. Nice to meet you, Lainie.
- Nice to meet you.
Wait. I'm so confused.
Why didn't you two say hi to each other
on the street ?
Yeah. That was kind of weird.
- I...
- Yeah.
Anyway, it's very nice...
Yes.
So I'll see you around this...
- I think we're over there.
- Yes.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to introduce the newlyweds.
Mr. Maneesh Pyati
and Mr. Andrew W. Pyati.
Do you have something for me ?
Well... I think maybe
this belongs to you, darlin'.
Thank you.
Everybody...
Thank you all for being here.
I love all of you so much,
I can't stand it.
This is for... my husband.
Many of you may not know this, but
I met Maneesh on a burning airplane.
It's true, true story.
Shout out to flight 27 in the crowd !
Survivors !
That cockpit in flames feels like
it happened to someone else, like...
I was a curious onlooker or
in some kind of a fever dream,
quite frankly.
But despite that scare, I look back on
that day with great warmth.
My fellow passengers and I
did some trauma bonding.
And because of that I met this amazing
human being, Maneesh.
And later, his wonderful Andrew.
And for that, I am eternally grateful.
So, to Maneesh and Andrew,
I wish you a lifetime of intimacy,
companionship and love.
But, most of all,
great gay sex.
I need to ask you.
No date ?
Nope. Just me dancing alone here with
you. And that's very okay with me.
Well... I've attended to a lot of
weddings alone myself.
My husband passed away 22 years ago.
Prostate cancer.
- Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
- Don't be. He was an asshole.
I kinda knew you were gonna say that.
Oh, Ms. Louise !
- If you don't mind, I wanna cut in.
- You may. Enjoy.
- It's a dance for both of you.
- I know.
Friends, family.
I would now like to present
the entertainment.
One of this town's greatest cultural
artifacts, The Bayou Bon Bon.
Also known as the Flirty Martini
with a Twist.
New Orleans' very own
and my dear friend,
Ms. Sharon Greenstein !
Come on up !
Ever since I was a young woman,
I saved every sari I owned.
I told myself I was saving it
for our future daughter.
A daughter that we never had.
Instead we had a magnificent son.
Our sweet Maneesh.
Who from a young age, made it clear
that he would not have
a traditional wife.
We got around to the idea.
And so today, Maneesh has married
a wonderful man named Andrew.
We are so proud of both of you.
So... I have placed a dowry chest
in your hotel room.
In it, you will find all my old saris.
You can do whatever you want
with them.
We love you both very much.
And now I have two sons !
Which is great.
But it's also crazy because in Mumbai,
where I am from,
they hate to be a gay.
Thank God my brother is not here.
And my terrible sister-in-law
who runs a sweatshop in Gujarat.
The woman stole from the family.
She stole my gold tooth.
And you should know about your family.
Hi. Good evening. I mean...
Oh, good morning !
Yes. Just curious. Is my room available
for one more night ?
Yes, I would.
Great. Yeah. Let's do it.
Hi. I am actually looking
to buy a potion today.
What're looking for ?
Something medicinal ?
No. Not that.
- Love ?
- What ? No ! Ew !
So what do you wanna do ?
You wanna anoint something ?
Conjure something ?
You wanna bless or thwart something ?
No. I think I just want something
for me, for today.
To experience the city.
I got you.
This is a potion made by our in-house
high priest, Jean-Baptiste.
- Is that really his name ?
- Yeah.
That's the chef's name,
Jean Baptiste.
It just sounds like a made-up name,
like a Pirates of the Caribbean thing.
And he made this potion
exclusively for us.
It's for newcomers to New Orleans.
To help them to see the city
through mystic eyes.
I want that one.
I'll take...
- So you just drink this ?
- You just drink it.
Okay. Is it sanitary ?
Thank you.
You got anything for hands ?
Ready to order, miss ?
Yeah... I really want the crawfish,
but I can't eat a pound.
Is that really the smallest amount
I can order ?
A pound of crawfish ain't that much
meat. We weigh them shells and all.
Once you crack 'em open with
your fingers it comes out much less.
Oh. That's a lot of hands, sounds like.
Not sure if my hands are up to that.
- Maybe you should order crab cakes.
- But that's lame.
Coming to crawfish boil
and not ordering the crawfish.
I'll help you out with those.
- You will ?
- Sure, why not.
Let's pinch them tails
and suck them heads.
OK ! Come on !
Folks...
Suck away !
Thank you !
Can we get two plates ?
Oh, it's not that hard !
- This is where all the flavour's at.
- In here ?
You hold the body, twist the tail.
And crunch it. Just crunch it.
It's salty !
- Tell me about yourself.
- Stormin' Norman, the one and only.
Chucking oysters 42 years.
I'm Michael Broadway.
They call me Hollywood for short.
I'm a bad motherchucker.
- This is my moneymaker.
- Look at that hand !
I chuck a job all day long.
- They're good ! Spicy.
- You can peel the claws off too.
- That one is dead.
- Yup.
- You just eat the potato like this ?
- My personal favourite is the corn.
Anybody ask you how you like your
oysters, you tell 'em clean and cold.
'Cause they taste better.
Breakfast of champions.
Breakfast of champions.
You need another beer.
- True.
- Cheers, you guys !
- I love The Big Easy !
- Welcome to The Big Easy !
Get up, boy !
You can't do that here !
Get your ass out my door !
Look at the crown molding.
And the high ceilings.
This place is only this much ?
You're giving it away. You're crazy.
A house like this is a small fortune
for us locals.
Oh.
I didn't mean to sound like that.
No, that's alright, honey.
I'm used to it.
You see,
we're survivors in this city, so.
Whatever it takes to get through what
we gotta get through, we just do it.
Yes, ma'am.
Is this place sold ?
Yeah. That one went into escrow this
week. Chinese fella bought it.
Well, you have my info.
You know what I like,
so if you see something,
give me a call.
I got you, baby. I know your taste.
You like big kitchen and bathrooms.
Good room flow.
- And great toilets.
- That's the one.
Hi.
I'm so sorry to bother you.
I love your set, I love your music,
I'm a big fan.
Well, thank you very much, love.
- What's your name ?
- I'm Sam.
- It's nice to meet you, Sam.
- Nice to meet you.
- Where you from ?
- I'm from LA.
LA. I love LA.
Can I buy you a drink ?
Oh, sure. Yeah.
Can I get another double Jameson
straight up ?
Comin' right up.
I got a show coming up in LA in August.
Oh. That is such great news !
- Your are so talented. Damn it.
- Yes !
That's why I knew when I met him
two years ago... I had to have him.
And now he's mine.
- Irina.
- Hello. Sam. Yes...
You're pretty talented yourself.
I follow your work for a long time now.
- I've been enjoying you.
- Thank you.
By the way,
that show in LA is August 23rd.
Okay. Great ! I'm getting tickets.
I'm gonna bring my...
- We'll see you there then.
- OK, yes.
Nice to meet you.
Thanks for the drink.
Sorry !
Another Sam body slam.
How'd I get so lucky ?
- Hi.
- Hi.
- What ?
- What ?
- What ?
- What ?
Aren't you missing something ?
Someone ?
No. I don't think so.
She could tell I wanted to be someplace
else. So she went back to the hotel.
And I came here.
That makes you not a very good date.
It was her idea.
Okay. Where are we going ?
Come on !
Sam.
It's Mae, your N'awlins realtor.
You won't believe this,
but that house you loved ?
The one in escrow to the Chinese guy ?
The deal fell through.
It's back on the market.
This could really work out perfect
for you.
Lemme know when you want to see it.
I will set it up. OK.
Call me. Bye.
Sara ? That you ?
Remember me ?
- We ate craw-daddies.
- Thank you for helping me.
- Oh yeah.
- Okay.
- Have a good night !
- Call me !
- He's my best friend.
- Didn't tell me your name was Sara.
Well...
I have lots of secrets too.
Oh yeah ?
Wanna tell one ?
Well you just found out.
My name is Sara.
Dedicated to the people and city
of New Orleans