Better Things (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Woman Is the Something of the Something - full transcript

Huh?

What...

Hello.

Can-can I have those?

Uh... oh.

Of course.

Yeah.

Wow.

Your car is messy.
You got kids,

I can tell that.
Yeah, I sure do.

Why are you sleeping
in your car?



Oh.

Uh, I'm tired all the time.

I call it momstein barr.

I try to power nap when I can.

Yeah, you got to take 'em
here and there, right, mama?

Yeah.

Oh, I have to go to staples,
remember? You promised.

I have to get, like,
five things off my list.

Wait, mom, mom, you're
passing the goodwill place!

Mom, pay attention!
Stop!

Here. Take the jacket.

Oh.

And what size shoe
do you wear?

Thank you. I-i wear a eight.



'Cause I...

I don't know whose this is,

but these are, like,
a nine or a ten, maybe.

Oh, man, you are

such a nice lady.

You're pretty.

Thank you. You're pretty.

Oh, no. No.
I used to be,

but you got to take care
of yourself. You know,

get your car washed,
get your hair done.

How do you think you're
gonna to get a nice man

to make love to you?

Oh. No.

None of that for me.
I got rid of him.

I'm not talking
about a husband.

I'm talking about a man.

Don't you want a man
to be nice to you?

Oh.

Yeah, well...

I told Paisley we could
to a vintage photo shoot,

and I need wardrobe.

Shut up, maxie,
shut up, maxie

shut your face!

Sam, your daughter
is a monster.

You can't just be a mama
all the time.

You got to sometimes
be a lady,

with the man putting
his full weight on you,

making you feel good.

Yeah.

I appreciate that, Diane,

but there is zero time
in the mom's schedule

for being a lady.

Oh, yeah, okay.
I hear you with that.

I raised four of my own.

So you know.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, you give 'em
every second you got.

You take 'em to school,

you take 'em
to their friend's house,

music lessons...

Dance class.
Yeah, sports.

All those
activities.

Endless.

I got my oldest...

He's a lawyer
back in Minnesota.

Wow.
Yeah.

One of 'em's
married in Oregon.

Two of 'em are
working back east.

They got good lives.

And you gave that to them.

Just like you.

And now look at me.

They leave you
with nothing.

You got to make time
for you, mama.

They take everything,

and then you're like me,

hoping you find
some nice lady

to give you a jacket.

Get out.

What?
What are you doing,
Samantha?

Get out.

No way, mom.
Mom, you can't
just leave us here.

There's a bus stop
right there.

Get on the bus.
Take it home.

Mom, don't be a drama queen.

That bus doesn't even
go to our house.

No, it doesn't.

You're gonna take
the bus to ventura,

get out, walk
up the hill.

Bye! Bye! Get out!
I mean it!
Mom,

we're sorry.
We don't need anything.

We'll help you with the
groceries when we get home.

Please.

Mother, you had me

but I never had you

I, I wanted you

you didn't want me

shit, I don't know.

Damn it.

What'd the network say
about Eliza again?

I don't know. She doesn't pop.
Something like that.

Oh. I'm sick of all
these ladies.

Jen, what did they say
about Eliza?

Um, the note was
"she's a bummer."

Yeah, she is a bummer.
I hate that we've

circled back to
talking about her.

The network already approved
Manning truesome.

Let's just cast her.
I'll kill myself
first.

George.
Yeah?

Is there anyone
we haven't thought of?

All right, look.
I have someone.

Who?
She was
in a pilot

I directed about ten years ago.

She was hilarious.

Network fired her
because she had no tits.

That's not good.

Who?

Sam fox.
I used to jerk off to her.

No way.

No way.
She's, like, 60 now.

Possible side effects
include nausea,

stiffness of joints,
thoughts of suicide,

diarrhea, and, in rare cases,

seizures or death.

Yeah, Sam, can you
sound a little more

cheerful
during the disclaimer?

Possible side effects
include nausea,

stiffness of joints,
thoughts of suicide,

diarrhea, and, in rare cases,

seizures or death.

I'm sorry.

I'm trying to sound
cheerful about diarrhea.

I'm sorry.

Diarrhea, sir.

Oh, diarrhea, everyone.

Is it thoughts of suicide

and diarrhea,

or is it thoughts of suicide

and also thoughts of diarrhea?

There's...

I know, buddy.
I'm sorry.

What does this drug do, anyway?

It's a boner maker.

Oh.

Well, anything for a boner.

Yeah, okay.

I mean, although,

if a guy has a nice hard dick

and he has diarrhea
squirting out the back,

it sort of ruins it,
you know what I mean?

Just sort of.

Okay, let's go.
Is it you?

Shit.

Oh.

Come on.

Bingo.

Seriously?

Oh.

Oh! No, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Mama, what's happening?
Honey, I'm sorry.

Mom, what did you do?

It's just the smoke detectors.

Oh, my god, mom!
Mama, I'm scared!

It's okay.
Mom, call dad right now!

No!
What's going on?

Who are all those
people in there?!

Mom, who cares?
Are we gonna die right now?

You idiot! It's just
a frigging smoke detector!

Shut up!

Everybody, stop!

I am so, so, so sorry.

Oh, my god, this is
so embarrassing.

Shut up, Max!
Mommy's doing her best!

Mom, call dad.
The firemen

are gonna want
to talk to dad.

I can talk to the firemen!

I don't need
your fucking father!

I can talk to a fireman

by myself!

I mean, I can send you out
for any audition that you want.

But you have to be careful
about burning yourself out.

I think, personally,
that it's better

to go out for just
a few things every month.

You know, to seem
more selective.

The interesting thing
about you

is that you can play
a good range age-wise.

Oh, definitely.
I can play up to 25

and really down to 16.
Mm-hmm.

Phone call.

I'm meeting.
It's Jen Abrams.

Jen, hi.

Hey, tressa, do you still
represent Sam fox?

Uh... yeah.

So you don't.
Did she fire you?

No, Jen, she didn't.
I do represent her.

Can I help you?

I'm checking her avails
for a pilot.

Oh, for when?

It shoots in march.
It's the lead.

The lead?
Whose pilot is it?

Danny and Zack.

Okay. Well, I will
give her a call.

Um, is this...

Danny and Zack love her.

Haven't checked the network yet.

Ah. Got it.
Thanks, Jen.

Yeah.

See, I like that one.

Yeah, but sh...

It-it's subtle.

Like, you don't notice,

but you can totally tell.

It's shiny.
That's... it's really good.

I want my face and neck

to stop being
old-looking, that's all.

Yeah. That's scary.
That's just scary.

She looks like an alien.

Hang on.
It's my manager.

Hi, honey.

Hi, tressa.

Hey, so, um, some people
are checking your avails

for march for a pilot.

Okay.

Should I say you're around?

Yeah, I'm around. I mean,
you know I'm around.

Sure.

Wait. What's the pilot?
What's the part?

You know, just the usual

friend of the lead
kind of thing.

Anyway, I will let them know
that you're around.

Yeah. Bye, doll.

Bye, hon...

Hi, hello.
Hi.

So nice to meet you.
I'm John.

Hi. I'm Sam.

This is sunny,
my friend.
Sunny, hi.

Hi. Did you get a chance
to look at the photos?

Yeah, we did.

Um, I'm not saying
that yours do at all,

but I notice
that sometimes

people tend to look
a little shiny

and a bit like
a potato, kind of.

A wet potato.

Right. Well, not here,

because our technique
is undetectable.

You will not leave

looking like
a shiny potato face.

Wow. Okay.
Well, we're here.

I mean, this is
for me. She's perfect.

Ha, ha, ha,
no, seriously,

what do you...
What do you think?

How young are we now?

Um, I'm 38.

You look great.
Thank you.

You both
look great.

I wouldn't really
do anything on you.

Seriously?
Yeah.

Wow.
Okay,

why don't you
climb up onto this chair?

Okay.

Okay.

Awesome.

Okay,
let's have a look.

Okay, so...

You see how kind of the left
side of my face, it's melting?

Mm-hmm.
Like, my right eye,

it's really heavy,

like I've been
in a prize fight.

Yeah.
And then my neck.

Jesus. I mean, what's
happening to me?

Mm-hmm.
Show him the picture.

Oh, yeah.
Um...
Yeah.

There's a picture of me.

So, that's
like, um...

Ah. Yeah.
Seven, eight.
Maybe...

14.
Maybe nine
years ago.

Yeah, right.

See, here, you look fresh.

And now you look tired.
Just tired.

Oh.
That's all. No big deal.

We can remedy that.
Okay.

Okay? Here, why don't
you hold this?

Okay.
Okay. Now,
you see,

if we do a partial
face lift...

Mm-hmm?
It would raise
all of this up.

Okay.
And if we did
the neck lift,

it would be very
understated.

Okay, watch.
Okay. Okay.

Watch this.
See this?

Pretty.
Oh.

Pretty.
Mmm.

Huh?
Pretty.

Pretty.
He's right.
It's kind of,

it's kind of amazing.
Huh?

Uh-huh.
Pretty.

Pretty.

What about, uh,

what about my neck
thing?

Okay, watch.
Ready?
Okay.

Mm-hmm.
Uh-huh.

Fresh.

Whoa.

Fresh.
Wow, fresh.

Huh?
Fresh.

Huh? So fresh.

You see that?
Fresh.
It's like...

Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm, yeah.

You look like
you went to, like,

the Bahamas
or something.

Yeah, wow.

Uh, how long
is the down time?

Well, your face
will be all bruises

for about three weeks.
Oh, shit.

Oh, but I anticipate
a very youthful result.

W-what would you
tell the girls?

Well, I'll just tell them
i got attacked.

That way, they won't
be mad at me.

At least they'll be nice
to be for a day, maybe.

So I have an opening
on the 18th.

Wow. Well, how much
are we talking here?

Okay.

For the neck lift,
it would be 45,000.

And for the partial
face lift,

it would run 50,000.

Oh, you know what?
I-I'm just gonna...

Can I take the price list
with me today?

'Cause I'm going
to think about it.

I don't think I can go
completely garbo right now.

Of course.

Sit, sit, sit.
Everyone sit.

Terrific.

So we are very excited
about your show.

So are we.

Good.

So what's up?

What can I help you with now?

So, uh, we know who
we want for the lead.

Wow. Great.

Have we seen her?

All, right,
so, Charles, I,

I know you want
to see choices.

I mean, we've all been
through this before.

And I'd like to think
we have some credibility here

with our other shows
doing so well.

We absolutely love your shows.
I hope you know that.

So who-who is it?
Who are we talking about?

Sam fox.

Sam fox is funny,
and that's our bottom line.

You've got cute
all over the network,

and there's cute
in the show,

but Sam fox is,
like, real people.

She will score with
every demographic.

When we cast young,
we leave everyone else out.

Sam fox has sex appeal,
but the big move here

is that she's
hysterically funny

and everyone likes her.

She's an everywoman.

Works for me.

Jen, great job.

She's not on the show yet.

What are you
mad about?

Because I just burned
about 30% of my credibility

with Charles kemp.

What, you didn't believe
what you said in there?

Because you seemed to.
That's my job.

You're a gender traitor.

You're putting down
your own people.

My "people"?

You know, start a test deal
with Sam fox.

Call the reps now, please.

Uh, Charles said that?

That's what he said.
So we need to start a test deal.

Wow.

Yeah, well, send a deal
memo to my office,

and we'll get started.

Okay, tressa, thanks.

Bye, Jen.

Should I get Sam
on the phone?

No.

And don't tell
anyone about this.

You got that?

Okay.

We create...

Stop! Mom, shush.
Pay attention.

I want to get
your face in.

Stop!
Fine!
Jesus!

We're not misandrists,

but the patriarchy
must be stopped.

Now, Martin Luther King,

he had one kind of a dream...

Martin Luther King
beat his wife.

What?

Well, some people say that
the FBI spread that story

to discredit him,
but other people say

he cheated on his wife,
and also people...

Wait,
who told you this?

Cary, mom.

My teacher?

Yes. Yes.
Remember?

Mahatma Gandhi
beat his wife, too.

Aah! I didn't know
Gandhi was even married.

Why would Cary be
telling you these things?

Like, is he trying to make
you hate these people?

No. He's just telling us
the whole truth about them,

or at least as it's known.

He's telling us
what's been said.

I mean, yeah, maybe
the FBI lied about king,

but to say that he's this
perfect human statue

is-is a lie.

Hmm.

It-it's important, mom.

Plus, they're
still my heroes

for the good
that they did do.

But their personal lives were
just kind of sketched out.

Anyway, woman is the
nigger of the world.

Frankie, don't say that.

John Lennon said that.

I know,
but don't you say it.

Do you know what he's
saying with that song?

Also, it's
a direct quote from

Zora neale hurston.

Mom, I know.

He wasn't
being derogatory.

It was being, like,
metaphorical.

Cary told us that.

Hmm.

Also, Gandhi was
pen pals with Hitler.

Oh, my god.

This kid looks like
Sam could be his mom.

Why if we give her
a black son?

Like she adopted?

Or shtupped a black guy?

Shtupped.
Yes, please.

We're ready for him.

I have Charles for you.

Hi, Charles.

Hi, Charles.
Hey, Charles.

Guys, I have great news.

Yeah?
Great, uh, let's hear it.

Rachel mcadams got
a hold of your script.

She wants the lead.

She's amazing.
She's funny, talented.

We love her.

So we just locked her down,
and based on that,

we're ready to move
on to series.

Uh, Charles,
that-that's great.

Amazing, yeah.
We love her.

Congratulations, guys.

I'm excited.

So are we.

Good, we'll talk soon.

Ow, it's...
Yeah, right.

Uh, all right, great.
So let's, uh...

Let's look at this stuff
and figure it out.

We're gathered here today
because we know

that there is an atrocity...

You know, I read
that mother Teresa

used to take private jets
and go to fancy dinners.

Mom, that's not
the same thing.

She was a catholic nun.

There's nothing complex
about mother Teresa.

She sucked.

I know, but Gandhi
was so little.

How could he
beat up anybody?

All right, guys,
let's start the mob.

Just look to the lady in the
pink t-shirt for the moves.

Frankie, take the rest of these
t-shirts, hand them out.

Yeah, for yes,
i can do it, yes.

She loves your class.

Well, Frankie
is a rock star.

Yeah. Uh, listen,

I got to ask a favor
of you, buddy.

Frankie's knowledge
of the world is accelerating

because of your class,
good and bad,

and that's great,
but it's going really fast.

And I can't keep up.

I work. I rarely
get a download from her,

and when I do, she's on
a newer and bigger planet,

like today...

Come with us to stockton.

What?

Yeah, we're going on a
class trip to stockton.

You would learn so much
with Frankie,

so then you'll be
totally up to speed.

Our song is next.
When is it?

It's the first week
of march.

She should totally
come with us.

Oh, stockton? Mom's
always got to work.

She won't
make it, Cary.

Well, that's
good, Frankie.

Your mom's an earner.

I know.

Shall we mob it up,
madame?

Hi, Sam.

Tressa, hi.
Listen.

Is that pilot still happening?

That pilot in march?

No, it went away.

Oh, good!

Thanks, honey!
Love you!

Love you.
Have fun.

Ooh-ooh-hoo-hoo

ooh-ooh-
hoo-hoo...

I'm gonna do it.

Rah! Rah! Rah! Rah!

Ooh-ooh-hoo-hoo

ooh-ooh-
hoo-hoo

shake off the demons

ooh-ooh-hoo-hoo
that you know

and you will see
ooh-ooh-hoo-hoo

ooh-ooh-hoo-hoo
5,000 years before I grow

and I'm a lost cause
ooh-ooh-hoo-hoo

ooh-ooh-hoo-hoo
as far as causes go

ooh-ooh-
hoo-hoo

open my heart,
i need to show

ooh-ooh-hoo-hoo

ooh-ooh-
hoo-hoo

I don't know if I'd get
there without you, dear

been on my own for so long

and I feel so alone here

are you my savior?

And I've been
looking down

it's so hard to see

no, we don't belong here

under this shadow

give me some salvation

help me believe

shake off the demons...