Better Things (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Better Things - full transcript
Hi, Sam.
Hi, Dr. Akoya.
How are you doing?
I'm okay.
Been behaving yourself?
Well, you're
about to find out.
You might find
some evidence in there.
Gosh, you're so crazy.
I can see you haven't
been behaving yourself.
You've got a belly full
of dicks there, young lady.
Oh, God!
- Sam, you must stop.
- Sorry.
Okay, shall we take a look?
- Fine.
- All right.
Okay. Anyway,
I was just kidding.
I haven't done anythi-ing.
Okay?
Yeah.
Right. Okay.
All good. All normal.
Okay. Normal, like...
for my age?
How close am I?
Close to...
Like, have I shut down
down there?
Am I a man yet?
Please tell me I'm
close to being a man.
No more periods.
Sam, I hate to tell you,
but you have
the reproductive system
of a 16-year-old.
Oh, my God.
Yeah. Your tubes are
ripe and working.
Jesus, that's so weird.
Why?
I don't know. I just--
Because--
Ew! Shut up.
Stop talking about me.
Okay. All right.
Talk about you.
When are you due?
Any bloody minute,
as you can see.
Can I feel?
- Yeah, of course.
- Oh!
Hello, there, baby.
Your mommy's a doctor.
And your daddy's a--
uh, writer?
Yeah, yeah. He, um, well,
he's trying to write.
Mm.
So this is so weird.
Um, I went
to Dr. Akoya today.
She pregnant?
Yeah.
- Really?
- Oh, my God.
I know.
That's annoying.
- Why?
- I don't know.
She should take
a leave of absence
when she's pregnant.
- Why?
- I don't know.
Oh, baby,
are you pausing yet?
No. Okay, so this
is the weird thing.
I assumed, you know.
I thought I was at
the end of the rope here,
and I was kind of hoping that
she was going to say that.
But apparently I have
the reproductive system
of a 16-year-old. Like,
my tubes are really good,
and my eggs are still coming,
and I'm fully functional
and productive
and just the reproductive
system of a 16-year-old.
Hmm.
Did I fart? What's wrong?
But your eggs are...fried.
Right? I mean, they're...
rotten.
It's not like you
can make anything.
Um...
Do you want to have a baby?
- No. I just--
- Then why did you bring it up?
I just thought it was funny.
Oh. Well, it is.
It's funny.
Um, okay.
I think I'm going
to have the s'mores.
♫ Mother, you had me
♫ But I never had you
♫ I, I wanted you
♫ You didn't want me
As long as you're
doing all this,
can you help me out
on the chin a little?
Do I have to be an alien
who's also an aging
lady with whiskers?
Don't women
on the planet Zeepzop
get electrolysis or whatever?
No, but seriously,
can you--
Hi, Sam.
Oh. Hi.
So, um, this is just--
I'm sorry,
but thank you so much.
What?
Uh, you can get out of
that make-up and go home.
Home to the hotel?
No.
Home to Los Angeles.
Oh.
Oh.
Got it. I'm fired.
No. Not exactly.
They decided that
instead of the Horvan
Crystal getting destroyed
and then having to come
back to the planet
to seek the source,
they're just going to go
straight to the Peevan Galaxy.
Oh. No. Totally.
Also, we, uh, would
really appreciate it
if you didn't divulge
any of the story points
to the public
or post any selfies
while still in make-up.
Copy that.
Hi.
Can we smoke
in your cab?
How many kids
do you have, Curtis?
I got four kids, man.
Are any of them
named Curtis?
Uh-huh. No, them all
girl, you see,
but I'm on working on
getting me a Curtis,
and I will not quit
until I get me one.
So how many kids
you got, darling?
I have three girls.
Is the daddy
a good man?
Um...uh...
I get the picture.
That's why, cuz,
I will never,
never leave my children.
Never.
Yeah, so you get to
tuck them in every night,
right, Daddy?
Soon come.
They live in Jamaica.
- Yoo-hoo!
- Hi, Mom.
- Hello, darling.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- Hi.
- Don't come over here.
Don't come over here.
Don't come--
Have a good day, Mom.
- What are you doing?
- I got to go--
What are you doing?
I just got back from
working in Canada.
Canada? You know, it's legal
to be a prostitute there.
Fascinating, isn't it?
If you're not a child.
It's illegal to pay
for a prostitute,
but it's legal to be one.
Oh. Good. Well, anyway--
-- they let me go
a day early, so--
Where are the girls?
Well,
I assume they're here,
although they don't answer
their phones to torture me.
Susie's with them.
Oh. Why didn't you
ask me to watch them
- when you were gone?
- Oh, that's okay.
Well, anyway,
it's impossible,
because
I couldn't have done,
because we had
a neighborhood watch meeting
to discuss
disaster response.
Mom, I want to go
inside now.
Yes. I know, but...
- Okay.
- Hold on a minute
because what I wanted
to tell you
was that I'm
building up my muscles.
And look.
Look at my arm.
- That's good. Good.
- No, look. Feel it.
- Nope.
- Because what's interesting
is that my nail
is falling off,
- and that's disgusting.
- No. Mom, I don't--
But my muscles are really,
really good.
- Go on, feel them, Sam.
- No, no.
Let me see yours, then.
No, Mom! I don't want
to stand outside
and compare bodies with you
like we're grooming chimps.
I'm sorry.
Time to go home now,
though.
You certainly told me.
Yes. Home. Now.
All right.
Oh.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Hello.
No, Mom. I mean, you
weren't even supposed
to be home today.
We would have
cleaned it all up.
This-- This doesn't
even count.
Sam?
Hi, Susie.
Hi.
Susie, I didn't mean it.
I didn't mean hi.
Sorry.
Where is Duke?
Duke is sleeping
at Lam's house,
and Max--
Oh, no, no, I don't give a shit
where Max is right now.
Mom, you're freakazoid.
Please stop freaking out
so we don't have to send you
to a mental hospital.
This is
what I'm going to do.
I'm going to go upstairs
and take a long nap,
like Susie got to,
and then I'm going
to come downstairs,
and all of this is going
to be cleaned up.
Mom, I can't.
I have soccer, remember?
Are you taking me
to soccer?
I'll take her.
Hello.
Hi, Mom.
Hello, darling.
Uh, tell me about
your muscles
and the water thing.
You can do it now
if you want.
Oh. Well, you know
Marshall Sanders.
Uh, well, he's
the watch commander,
and his wife died
last year,
and I don't know whether
I'm making it up,
but I think he's got
his eye on me
because do you remember
how he looked at me
in the grocery store?
And then I thought
to myself,
God, "watch commander"--
aptly named.
But I might be wrong.
Anyway,
but the thing is,
I was very, very pleased
that he chose me to be
in charge of water
because I thought it was
quite a responsible position,
don't you think?
It is, isn't it?
And so I've got to be
very on the ball
in case
there's an earthquake.
Um, and then he'll
be pleased with me,
don't you think?
Anyway,
so the doctor says
I'm losing muscle mass,
- but he's a liar.
- Uh-huh.
And he can't tell me
what's happening to my body
because I know.
So I'm trying to decide
if I should sue him.
What do you think?
And then he'd stop.
♫ There is a house
♫ In New Orleans
Phil.
Yes, darling?
Do you have any vodka?
I always have vodka.
What was the name
of the man
that you were dating
when you met my dad?
Audrey.
That's right.
That's amazing. Audrey.
Hmm.
He swept me off my feet.
Then why didn't you marry him?
Oh, no, no.
You don't marry the man
who sweeps you
off your feet.
You marry the man
who pulls you back down
and grounds you,
takes care of you.
My dad.
No.
What do you mean?
I met Audrey in 1960,
and I fell
in love immediately.
And he took me to New Zealand
to live by a vineyard
while he picked grapes
for about five cents a pound.
And then I met Joseph,
and he was
an American businessman.
He was very small
and serious.
And he saw me
in the Village,
and he said,
"I'm gonna marry you,"
and told me how much he made
and he could provide for me,
and so I grew up,
and I said yes to Joseph.
What the hell?
What the hell, Mom.
I don't know this story.
- What happened to Joseph?
Well, we were getting ready
to go back to the States
to get married,
and I said good-bye
to Audrey.
But then Joseph died.
Jesus. He died?
He drowned.
He got drunk
and fell in a puddle.
Well, it was raining.
And so then
I went back to Audrey.
And then two years later,
I met your father.
So why did you marry my dad?
I don't know.
Why'd you marry him?
I don't know...
Why'd you marry my dad?
So are you ever gonna
say something?
About what?
Oh, my God. Nothing.
Are you ever gonna
say something?
About what?
Oh! About my dad leaving.
What?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
Max, you had a party.
No, it wasn't a party.
And anyway, you left.
- I had to work.
- God, you don't
have to work, Mom.
What? How do you think
we ever have anything?
You work because
you want to be famous.
Dad told me. You have tons
of money in savings,
and he is living like shit.
This is so unfair that
I think I'm gonna pass out.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, Mom, you're the victim.
Everything is unfair.
Max, I try like hell
to be fair to your father
and not put you
in the middle.
I'm human,
but I do try that.
But you're 16 now,
and that's old enough
to know how unfair it is
what you just said to me.
You know,
it really disgusts me
how you will sometimes
say anything
to avoid responsibility
for your mistakes.
You had a party,
and you wrecked the house.
You're not the first kid
to do that.
It's not the end
of the world.
Then why are you acting
like it is?
Because you make me get
this mad
before you even look up
from your phone!
And you act like
your shit don't stink
and you shouldn't answer
for anything.
But you know what, baby?
Your shit does stink.
And your father
lives better than I do!
And I pay for all of it!
Answer your phone.
Hello?
If you can meet me somewhere
tomorrow at ten in the morning,
then we can do it
maybe even twice.
I have a meeting at noon.
Yes, I will be there then.
Bye.
20 years
since they were kids,
they never left, they let--
It's like this amazing story.
So I asked
if I could do my project,
like, I have three of
my friends stay in my basement
for, like, a month.
And then we all write
about it afterwards to
see what it felt like.
And it was like--
Mom, are you listening?
- Yes. What? Tell me.
- Ugh! Mom, listen.
- Okay, go.
- I'm telling you about
this because it's important!
Frankie, don't speak
to your mother like that!
Ugh! Anyway, my teacher was
like, "No, you can't do that."
But I was like,
"Oh, This is just so--
- Mommy, I don't
get what this is.
- Oh, my God!
- Frankie!
- Hey!
Stop. Save it for later.
Oh, I want to kill everybody.
- Calm down.
- Mommy, what is this
ever gonna do?
It's this women
and girls empowerment thing,
and it's annoying.
Women and girls empowerment
is annoying?
It is the way
my school does it.
The people get up there
and they talk and they ruin it.
Oh, well,
I'll try not to ruin it.
Now, come on,
we're here for your mother.
- No, we're not.
- Yes, we are.
Hey, Patty.
Sam, thank God you're here.
Hi, Miss Donner.
Donner, Donner...
Did you think
I wasn't gonna come?
Well, two of my speakers
flaked on me.
- Oh, my God.
- I'm gonna start.
- Okay, so who's on first?
- It's just you.
- Oh, shit.
- Darling!
Okay? I'm starting.
- Donner, Donner,
Donner, Donner.
- God!
I am so happy
you all could come
to our women and girls
empowerment seminar.
We have one guest speaker.
And tonight she's gonna speak
about being a mom
- and having a career.
- Nobody cares.
Please welcome
our very own Sam Fox.
- Oof.
Yeah, Mom! Go, Mom!
Thank you, Patty.
Um, well--
I work and I am a mom.
And some of you might
later in life
find yourselves in
the same situation, I hope.
Because you girls can be
anything you want.
You know,
when I was a girl,
no one ever really said
that women had jobs,
except Marlo Thomas
and Mary Tyler Moore.
- Thank you, Henry.
But, uh...
we can do it all!
And we have to do it all,
because in the end,
the mom, the women,
are the ones left watching.
Okay, this is--
Let me ask you all a question.
How many girls out there
get your period?
Yeah, you heard me.
If anybody here has got their
period yet, put your hand up.
Put your hand up.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Who's cotton-holing?
I know, gross.
But we're all girls
and women here.
It's just us.
So come on, Frankie,
help me out.
- Mom!
- Come on, raise your hand.
Listen, Frankie and I
went through it last week.
She was stealing her sister's
tampons for half a year
before she told me.
- Mom!
- Frankie.
Be a leader.
Get your hand up.
- Mom!
- Help 'em out.
Good girl! There!
Anybody else? Who else here?
Who's bleeding?
There you go! Good! So brave!
Come on, moms,
let's hear it for them.
All right, who here has
not gotten their period yet?
Wow! Okay!
Well, you girls are in for it.
You really are.
But we all got your backs,
right?
Who here is having
their period right now?
I know I am!
Can you tell?
All right! Thank you!
Mrs. Donner! Yeah!
Moms? Thank you!
Hands, hands.
Sisters all!
Who here has stopped getting
their period altogether?
Aunt Flo has left
the station forever.
Mom. Mom.
Thank you!
Thank you for that!
Thank you!
Look, we're all girls,
and we're all women.
And we all bleed,
and we all suffer.
And then the bleeding stops,
and we still suffer.
But you're gonna find
your own path,
because we're tough,
and we can take it.
And as long as you believe
in yourself,
and you take care
of each other
and watch out for each other,
you just make the rest up
as you go along.
That's all there is to it.
That's it! Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you, Detroit!
Good job, Mom.
Also, I hate you.
I know.
It's okay.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Do you have a condom?
- No.
- You need to use a condom.
You never asked me before.
I know.
Shit.
Wait, wait.
I'll be right back.
Stay.
Hi, Dr. Akoya.
How are you doing?
I'm okay.
Been behaving yourself?
Well, you're
about to find out.
You might find
some evidence in there.
Gosh, you're so crazy.
I can see you haven't
been behaving yourself.
You've got a belly full
of dicks there, young lady.
Oh, God!
- Sam, you must stop.
- Sorry.
Okay, shall we take a look?
- Fine.
- All right.
Okay. Anyway,
I was just kidding.
I haven't done anythi-ing.
Okay?
Yeah.
Right. Okay.
All good. All normal.
Okay. Normal, like...
for my age?
How close am I?
Close to...
Like, have I shut down
down there?
Am I a man yet?
Please tell me I'm
close to being a man.
No more periods.
Sam, I hate to tell you,
but you have
the reproductive system
of a 16-year-old.
Oh, my God.
Yeah. Your tubes are
ripe and working.
Jesus, that's so weird.
Why?
I don't know. I just--
Because--
Ew! Shut up.
Stop talking about me.
Okay. All right.
Talk about you.
When are you due?
Any bloody minute,
as you can see.
Can I feel?
- Yeah, of course.
- Oh!
Hello, there, baby.
Your mommy's a doctor.
And your daddy's a--
uh, writer?
Yeah, yeah. He, um, well,
he's trying to write.
Mm.
So this is so weird.
Um, I went
to Dr. Akoya today.
She pregnant?
Yeah.
- Really?
- Oh, my God.
I know.
That's annoying.
- Why?
- I don't know.
She should take
a leave of absence
when she's pregnant.
- Why?
- I don't know.
Oh, baby,
are you pausing yet?
No. Okay, so this
is the weird thing.
I assumed, you know.
I thought I was at
the end of the rope here,
and I was kind of hoping that
she was going to say that.
But apparently I have
the reproductive system
of a 16-year-old. Like,
my tubes are really good,
and my eggs are still coming,
and I'm fully functional
and productive
and just the reproductive
system of a 16-year-old.
Hmm.
Did I fart? What's wrong?
But your eggs are...fried.
Right? I mean, they're...
rotten.
It's not like you
can make anything.
Um...
Do you want to have a baby?
- No. I just--
- Then why did you bring it up?
I just thought it was funny.
Oh. Well, it is.
It's funny.
Um, okay.
I think I'm going
to have the s'mores.
♫ Mother, you had me
♫ But I never had you
♫ I, I wanted you
♫ You didn't want me
As long as you're
doing all this,
can you help me out
on the chin a little?
Do I have to be an alien
who's also an aging
lady with whiskers?
Don't women
on the planet Zeepzop
get electrolysis or whatever?
No, but seriously,
can you--
Hi, Sam.
Oh. Hi.
So, um, this is just--
I'm sorry,
but thank you so much.
What?
Uh, you can get out of
that make-up and go home.
Home to the hotel?
No.
Home to Los Angeles.
Oh.
Oh.
Got it. I'm fired.
No. Not exactly.
They decided that
instead of the Horvan
Crystal getting destroyed
and then having to come
back to the planet
to seek the source,
they're just going to go
straight to the Peevan Galaxy.
Oh. No. Totally.
Also, we, uh, would
really appreciate it
if you didn't divulge
any of the story points
to the public
or post any selfies
while still in make-up.
Copy that.
Hi.
Can we smoke
in your cab?
How many kids
do you have, Curtis?
I got four kids, man.
Are any of them
named Curtis?
Uh-huh. No, them all
girl, you see,
but I'm on working on
getting me a Curtis,
and I will not quit
until I get me one.
So how many kids
you got, darling?
I have three girls.
Is the daddy
a good man?
Um...uh...
I get the picture.
That's why, cuz,
I will never,
never leave my children.
Never.
Yeah, so you get to
tuck them in every night,
right, Daddy?
Soon come.
They live in Jamaica.
- Yoo-hoo!
- Hi, Mom.
- Hello, darling.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- Hi.
- Don't come over here.
Don't come over here.
Don't come--
Have a good day, Mom.
- What are you doing?
- I got to go--
What are you doing?
I just got back from
working in Canada.
Canada? You know, it's legal
to be a prostitute there.
Fascinating, isn't it?
If you're not a child.
It's illegal to pay
for a prostitute,
but it's legal to be one.
Oh. Good. Well, anyway--
-- they let me go
a day early, so--
Where are the girls?
Well,
I assume they're here,
although they don't answer
their phones to torture me.
Susie's with them.
Oh. Why didn't you
ask me to watch them
- when you were gone?
- Oh, that's okay.
Well, anyway,
it's impossible,
because
I couldn't have done,
because we had
a neighborhood watch meeting
to discuss
disaster response.
Mom, I want to go
inside now.
Yes. I know, but...
- Okay.
- Hold on a minute
because what I wanted
to tell you
was that I'm
building up my muscles.
And look.
Look at my arm.
- That's good. Good.
- No, look. Feel it.
- Nope.
- Because what's interesting
is that my nail
is falling off,
- and that's disgusting.
- No. Mom, I don't--
But my muscles are really,
really good.
- Go on, feel them, Sam.
- No, no.
Let me see yours, then.
No, Mom! I don't want
to stand outside
and compare bodies with you
like we're grooming chimps.
I'm sorry.
Time to go home now,
though.
You certainly told me.
Yes. Home. Now.
All right.
Oh.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Hello.
No, Mom. I mean, you
weren't even supposed
to be home today.
We would have
cleaned it all up.
This-- This doesn't
even count.
Sam?
Hi, Susie.
Hi.
Susie, I didn't mean it.
I didn't mean hi.
Sorry.
Where is Duke?
Duke is sleeping
at Lam's house,
and Max--
Oh, no, no, I don't give a shit
where Max is right now.
Mom, you're freakazoid.
Please stop freaking out
so we don't have to send you
to a mental hospital.
This is
what I'm going to do.
I'm going to go upstairs
and take a long nap,
like Susie got to,
and then I'm going
to come downstairs,
and all of this is going
to be cleaned up.
Mom, I can't.
I have soccer, remember?
Are you taking me
to soccer?
I'll take her.
Hello.
Hi, Mom.
Hello, darling.
Uh, tell me about
your muscles
and the water thing.
You can do it now
if you want.
Oh. Well, you know
Marshall Sanders.
Uh, well, he's
the watch commander,
and his wife died
last year,
and I don't know whether
I'm making it up,
but I think he's got
his eye on me
because do you remember
how he looked at me
in the grocery store?
And then I thought
to myself,
God, "watch commander"--
aptly named.
But I might be wrong.
Anyway,
but the thing is,
I was very, very pleased
that he chose me to be
in charge of water
because I thought it was
quite a responsible position,
don't you think?
It is, isn't it?
And so I've got to be
very on the ball
in case
there's an earthquake.
Um, and then he'll
be pleased with me,
don't you think?
Anyway,
so the doctor says
I'm losing muscle mass,
- but he's a liar.
- Uh-huh.
And he can't tell me
what's happening to my body
because I know.
So I'm trying to decide
if I should sue him.
What do you think?
And then he'd stop.
♫ There is a house
♫ In New Orleans
Phil.
Yes, darling?
Do you have any vodka?
I always have vodka.
What was the name
of the man
that you were dating
when you met my dad?
Audrey.
That's right.
That's amazing. Audrey.
Hmm.
He swept me off my feet.
Then why didn't you marry him?
Oh, no, no.
You don't marry the man
who sweeps you
off your feet.
You marry the man
who pulls you back down
and grounds you,
takes care of you.
My dad.
No.
What do you mean?
I met Audrey in 1960,
and I fell
in love immediately.
And he took me to New Zealand
to live by a vineyard
while he picked grapes
for about five cents a pound.
And then I met Joseph,
and he was
an American businessman.
He was very small
and serious.
And he saw me
in the Village,
and he said,
"I'm gonna marry you,"
and told me how much he made
and he could provide for me,
and so I grew up,
and I said yes to Joseph.
What the hell?
What the hell, Mom.
I don't know this story.
- What happened to Joseph?
Well, we were getting ready
to go back to the States
to get married,
and I said good-bye
to Audrey.
But then Joseph died.
Jesus. He died?
He drowned.
He got drunk
and fell in a puddle.
Well, it was raining.
And so then
I went back to Audrey.
And then two years later,
I met your father.
So why did you marry my dad?
I don't know.
Why'd you marry him?
I don't know...
Why'd you marry my dad?
So are you ever gonna
say something?
About what?
Oh, my God. Nothing.
Are you ever gonna
say something?
About what?
Oh! About my dad leaving.
What?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
Max, you had a party.
No, it wasn't a party.
And anyway, you left.
- I had to work.
- God, you don't
have to work, Mom.
What? How do you think
we ever have anything?
You work because
you want to be famous.
Dad told me. You have tons
of money in savings,
and he is living like shit.
This is so unfair that
I think I'm gonna pass out.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, Mom, you're the victim.
Everything is unfair.
Max, I try like hell
to be fair to your father
and not put you
in the middle.
I'm human,
but I do try that.
But you're 16 now,
and that's old enough
to know how unfair it is
what you just said to me.
You know,
it really disgusts me
how you will sometimes
say anything
to avoid responsibility
for your mistakes.
You had a party,
and you wrecked the house.
You're not the first kid
to do that.
It's not the end
of the world.
Then why are you acting
like it is?
Because you make me get
this mad
before you even look up
from your phone!
And you act like
your shit don't stink
and you shouldn't answer
for anything.
But you know what, baby?
Your shit does stink.
And your father
lives better than I do!
And I pay for all of it!
Answer your phone.
Hello?
If you can meet me somewhere
tomorrow at ten in the morning,
then we can do it
maybe even twice.
I have a meeting at noon.
Yes, I will be there then.
Bye.
20 years
since they were kids,
they never left, they let--
It's like this amazing story.
So I asked
if I could do my project,
like, I have three of
my friends stay in my basement
for, like, a month.
And then we all write
about it afterwards to
see what it felt like.
And it was like--
Mom, are you listening?
- Yes. What? Tell me.
- Ugh! Mom, listen.
- Okay, go.
- I'm telling you about
this because it's important!
Frankie, don't speak
to your mother like that!
Ugh! Anyway, my teacher was
like, "No, you can't do that."
But I was like,
"Oh, This is just so--
- Mommy, I don't
get what this is.
- Oh, my God!
- Frankie!
- Hey!
Stop. Save it for later.
Oh, I want to kill everybody.
- Calm down.
- Mommy, what is this
ever gonna do?
It's this women
and girls empowerment thing,
and it's annoying.
Women and girls empowerment
is annoying?
It is the way
my school does it.
The people get up there
and they talk and they ruin it.
Oh, well,
I'll try not to ruin it.
Now, come on,
we're here for your mother.
- No, we're not.
- Yes, we are.
Hey, Patty.
Sam, thank God you're here.
Hi, Miss Donner.
Donner, Donner...
Did you think
I wasn't gonna come?
Well, two of my speakers
flaked on me.
- Oh, my God.
- I'm gonna start.
- Okay, so who's on first?
- It's just you.
- Oh, shit.
- Darling!
Okay? I'm starting.
- Donner, Donner,
Donner, Donner.
- God!
I am so happy
you all could come
to our women and girls
empowerment seminar.
We have one guest speaker.
And tonight she's gonna speak
about being a mom
- and having a career.
- Nobody cares.
Please welcome
our very own Sam Fox.
- Oof.
Yeah, Mom! Go, Mom!
Thank you, Patty.
Um, well--
I work and I am a mom.
And some of you might
later in life
find yourselves in
the same situation, I hope.
Because you girls can be
anything you want.
You know,
when I was a girl,
no one ever really said
that women had jobs,
except Marlo Thomas
and Mary Tyler Moore.
- Thank you, Henry.
But, uh...
we can do it all!
And we have to do it all,
because in the end,
the mom, the women,
are the ones left watching.
Okay, this is--
Let me ask you all a question.
How many girls out there
get your period?
Yeah, you heard me.
If anybody here has got their
period yet, put your hand up.
Put your hand up.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Who's cotton-holing?
I know, gross.
But we're all girls
and women here.
It's just us.
So come on, Frankie,
help me out.
- Mom!
- Come on, raise your hand.
Listen, Frankie and I
went through it last week.
She was stealing her sister's
tampons for half a year
before she told me.
- Mom!
- Frankie.
Be a leader.
Get your hand up.
- Mom!
- Help 'em out.
Good girl! There!
Anybody else? Who else here?
Who's bleeding?
There you go! Good! So brave!
Come on, moms,
let's hear it for them.
All right, who here has
not gotten their period yet?
Wow! Okay!
Well, you girls are in for it.
You really are.
But we all got your backs,
right?
Who here is having
their period right now?
I know I am!
Can you tell?
All right! Thank you!
Mrs. Donner! Yeah!
Moms? Thank you!
Hands, hands.
Sisters all!
Who here has stopped getting
their period altogether?
Aunt Flo has left
the station forever.
Mom. Mom.
Thank you!
Thank you for that!
Thank you!
Look, we're all girls,
and we're all women.
And we all bleed,
and we all suffer.
And then the bleeding stops,
and we still suffer.
But you're gonna find
your own path,
because we're tough,
and we can take it.
And as long as you believe
in yourself,
and you take care
of each other
and watch out for each other,
you just make the rest up
as you go along.
That's all there is to it.
That's it! Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you, Detroit!
Good job, Mom.
Also, I hate you.
I know.
It's okay.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Do you have a condom?
- No.
- You need to use a condom.
You never asked me before.
I know.
Shit.
Wait, wait.
I'll be right back.
Stay.