Bergerac (1981–1991): Season 7, Episode 7 - Old Acquaintance - full transcript
Former Olympic medallist Peter Jason is threatened, to prevent him exposing the use of steroids in sport and arrives in Jersey to hide out with his old flame Philippa Vale. Heavies follow to keep him quiet and accidentally abduct ...
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- Can I help you, sir?
- Er, yes.
I'm expected by a Christine Nash.
Is she here?
Ah, yes. If you'd like to follow me.
Peter.
Welcome back to London.
You're looking marvellous.
- But then you always do.
- Thank you.
- How was Oslo?
- Great.
I've ordered a bottle of the '78.
That all right with you?
Oh, that's fine by me.
(Waiter) Would you like to order now,
madam?
We'll order in a little while.
- Have we met?
- Not as far as I know.
Little smokescreen.
Hope you don't mind.
We had this call, you see, Billy,
that there were 30 cars here last night.
Including two Porsches and a BMW.
And they didn't leave
till gone three o'clock this morning.
Who told you that?
They must have been drunk.
- Terrible thing, drink, if you ask me.
- Thank you very much, Billy.
So, you spent last night
in virtuous isolation, did you?
I'm not saying that. I might have had
one or two mates in for a jar.
But er...30 cars?
- What mates?
- Bit hard to say, just like that.
Yeah, well, don't strain yourself, will you?
Shall we see if they left the place tidy?
You said on the phone
that you had a business proposition.
That's right, Peter.
A very lucrative proposition.
I work for Selco International.
Our researches show that there's a
sizeable gap in the soft-drinks market.
The way we see it,
sticky and self-indulgent is out,
hard and healthy is in.
So, we're looking for somebody
who already has that image.
Somebody who can sell our products
simply by association.
Why me? It's six years
since I broke a record or won a medal.
Well, you're still
a universally respected figure, Peter.
Not just in the world of athletics,
but with the public at large.
Well known for your straight talk
and integrity.
Of course, if you accepted our offer,
we'd want to start fairly soon.
I don't mind that.
I mean we'd want to start shooting
the pilot commercial almost immediately.
- Day after tomorrow, in fact.
- I see.
- Where, exactly?
- Bermuda.
- Ah. Nice place, Bermuda.
- Yes, it is.
And a hell of a long way from Canada.
Selco International doesn't happen to
have pharmaceutical interests, does it?
Labelled drugs, for example.
The magic powder
to give you that little extra bit of muscle,
that little extra bit of weight
or that little extra zip
when you need it most, eh?
It is a very generous offer, Peter.
I'm sure it is. Listen...I haven't made up
my mind about Canada yet.
But you can tell whoever sent you
they're sure as hell going the wrong way
to get the decision they want.
Prejudices die hard, don't they?
I'm not a messenger-girl.
- I don't run errands for anybody.
- FAine.
Then you can give yourself
the message, then.
- What's this, then?
- That?
- Tiddlywink?
- It's a what?
Well, my nephews
come and play here sometimes.
- Myopic little lads, are they?
- Mm?
Short-sighted tiddlers and winkers.
You know what I think?
- I think that this is a roulette chip.
- Get away.
Which would be shocking, wouldn't it?
As gambling is against all the island laws.
Quite right, too.
Terrible thing, gambling.
- I had a cousin once...
- Don't, please, Billy. Don't.
I don't want to hear any more
about your disgusting family.
Perhaps we shouldn't have tackled him
straight on.
Perhaps we should have
staked the place out.
These are mainland professionals, Willy.
They'd have more sense
than to use the same place twice.
Do I get the impression that your heart
isn't exactly in this little investigation?
- (Laughs )
- You'll never make superintendent.
- You think Barney will?.
- Fiver on it.
OK.
- Interview's this afternoon, isn't it?
- Yeah.
Hi.
Beats me why he wants a job like that.
I mean, senior co-ordinator?
- It's the only Super's job going, isn't it?
- Huh! Cynic.
(Sighs )
- Well, thank you very much.
- Right, Mr Harvey, we'll be in touch.
- How did it go, John?
- I think I blew it, Barney.
- (Door opens )
- Chief Inspector Crozier, please.
# Music power, Capital Radio #
(DJ) Slightly warmer than
yesterday aternoon
but it's gonna be another cold night.
Charlie.
(Meows )
Here's your milk, baby.
There.
(Wind chimes tinkling)
(Phone)
(Groans)
Hang on! Hang on!
- Hello.
- (Man) Be smart, Mr Jason.
I you won't take the job, take a holiday.
A nice, long holiday.
Anywhere your fancy takes you.
Except Canada, of course.
- Listen!
- (Cuts off call)
(Ringing tone)
(Woman) Hello?
# Should auld acquaintance be forgot
# And never brought to mind?
# Should auld acquaintance be forgot
# For the sake of auld lang syne? #
(PA system pings)
Announcing the arrival in Jersey
o European Airways light JY142
rom Dinard.
Thank you.
My...God! It is you, isn't it?
There really is no answer to that,
is there?
What brings you back to the island,
Miss Vale? As if I couldn't guess.
Absolutely. I have to check up on him
from time to time.
Oh, aye.
See if he's still in good physical condition.
See if he's missing me.
After all, once you get your hands on
a really first-class stud,
you don't want to take any chances,
do you?
Oh, I see.
You mean that racehorse you bought.
Of course. What did you think I meant?
(Hisses)
Announcing the arrival o Guernsey Airlines
light GE721 rom Manchester.
Peter Jason!
Hey, Peter Jason. You know, the runner?
Olympic gold, '76 and '80.
- I'm sorry, I really don't...
- Oh, never mind. Excuse me.
- Well, thank you.
- See you when the book comes out.
Mr Jason! Mr Jason!
Er...Charles Hungerford.
- Welcome to Jersey.
- Thank you very much.
I don't know if the name means
anything to you, but I am fairly prominent
- in Jersey business circles.
- Oh, yes.
We're opening this new sports centre,
with a swimming pool, restaurants...
Yes, if I could just stop you there,
Mr Dangerfield...
- H-Hungerford.
- Hungerford
I've just told the press that I'm not
here on holiday, I'm here to work.
I'm writing a book about athletics
on and off the track.
In that case,
we'd be very good publicity for you.
And of course, we will make it
worth your while...financially.
Actually, there is something
you could do for me.
Oh, yes?
You could just look after this bag for me
while I go to the toilet.
Oh. Yes. Right.
Well, I-I'll wait here for you, then,
Mr er...Jason.
(PA.. Departure announcement)
(Toilet flushing)
Ah.
Hey! Just a minute! Just a minute!
Er...Mr Jason!
Mr Jason! What about...
your suitcase?
Oh, blooming Ada!
- Er...did you catch him?
- No, I damn well didn't!
- Who's the woman?
- Miss Philippa bloody Vale. Who else?
- Morning, all.
- Morning.
- Did I win the bet?
- He's not in yet.
FAancy another flutter? FAriday night.
- You what?
- That was one of my snouts.
- Barman at the Malibu Room.
- Name-dropper.
Apparently, Kevin FAarrance
was in there last night.
- Out of his skull, as usual.
- Shame.
Wouldn't you be, if your daddy left you
£500,000 and a string of petrol stations?
Yeah, well, he was moaning that
he'd lost £10,000 the previous night.
- Well, he would moan about that.
- Boasting that he'd win it all back
on FAriday night, if the wheel wasn't fixed.
- Look, whose case is this?
- (Chuckles)
Morning, Barney.
Or should I say...Superintendent?
- Not until the first of next month.
- Oh, you got it!
- Brilliant! Way to go.
- Congratulations!
Well, I'm glad someone
had confidence in me.
Hang on, Super.
Benny here had a whisper that young
FAarrance could be a roulette punter.
Now, er...we could put a tail on him
but is it seriously Bureau business?
The law's the law, Jim.
We don't pick and choose.
- Illegal roulette is not a game.
- (Laugh)
You know what I mean.
So, you want a team
of trained physical educationalists.
Well, it's not so much
the training, you know.
I mean, what we want is
a few really well-set-up young girls...
and fellas, all in tip-top physical condition,
of course.
Charlie, I deal with
fully qualified professionals.
Well, what better qualifications
could there be?
It encourages the punter,
gives them something to aim at.
You're incorrigible.
I'll draw you up a shortlist. Ready by five.
Right, thanks.
- Charlie...
- Mm?
No. I've got no right to use you
as a father-confessor.
Oh, go on. It makes me feel wanted.
It's erm...
- It's you and Jim, I suppose.
- Yes.
Or, rather, not me and Jim.
It's over, Charlie.
He knows it, I know it.
It's just that neither of us
wants to be the one to actually say it.
I'm very sorry, my dear.
- Are you sure?
- Quite, quite sure.
Bang your head against a brick wall
long enough,
a headache's the only thing
you end up with.
Well, if that's the way you feel,
you don't need my advice, do you?
But whatever you do, try and finish it as...
quickly and cleanly as you can.
Give both of you a chance to move on,
pick yourselves up.
Yeah.
I don't suppose this has anything
to do with Philippa Vale, does it?
Philippa Vale?
Where does she come into it?
Oh, nowhere.
That's right, Philippa Vale.
Miss Nash? Miss Nash?
Yes, Moxton, I'm still here.
Just trying to remember
which ex-member of my staff
recommended you.
Look, I might still be able to ind them,
but does it really matter?
I mean, if he's on Jersey,
he can't be in Canada, can he?
Do you know what Peter Jason
intends to do while he's on Jersey?
It was on the news.
He intends to write a book
about everything he's seen and done
in the world of athletics
over the last 15 years.
Do you think he could be trying
to tell us something?
- Well, what can I do...?
- I think he should be discouraged.
Don't you? Vanity's a terrible thing.
I think he should be persuaded
to abandon his project
for his own good.
Miss Nash, I did tell you,
I'm not really into the heavy stuff.
I don't believe I'm hearing this.
Then you'll have to recruit
somebody else, won't you?
Philippa Vale?
Run a check on her.
Moxton's out of his depth.
I was supposed to feel better
after I'd said all that.
Yeah, well...don't feel too great myself.
Crunch-time all round, then, isn't it?
You and me, Crozier getting promotion.
(Laughs ) How about that?
- Will you take over?
- Don't think so.
Erm...you will...keep in touch, won't you?
- I mean, I'd hate us to...
- Yeah, yeah. Course.
Well...
Yeah. You, too.
At least Philippa Vale
will have a clear run now.
- Morning, Terry.
- Oh, hello, Sergeant Bergerac.
He looks as if he's been well and truly
put through his paces, hey?
Yeah. Miss Vale gave him a good
workout, all right. He loves that.
- It's nice to have her back in Jersey.
- Yes, it is.
- Where is she? I'd arranged to meet her.
- You missed her by about ten minutes.
- I suppose I'll see her up at the house.
- Expect so.
- Nice place.
- Very nice.
- FAunny name, though.
- Valley FAarm?
(Intercom buzzer)
Oh dear.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
Sergeant, dear. You really are
a detective, aren't you?
Philippa, I thought that millionaires
spent their time
trying to keep you out of their houses.
Nonsense, James.
There's an enormous social cachet,
letting your house to retired jewel thieves.
I'm thinking of setting up an agency,
Rent-A-Villain.
Well, do I get a cup of coffee
or something?
It's a little inconvenient
at the moment, James.
- I've just stepped out of the shower.
- Oh, come on, Philippa.
By the time I make it up that drive, you'll
have had time for a manicure and a hairdo.
Oh, yes, all right.
(Buzzer)
(Whirring)
Oh dear.
Bureau des Étrangers, please.
Yeah, well. Modest. But tasteful.
A girl has to live somewhere, James.
- What's upstairs like?
- I don't know.
It's all covered in dust-sheets.
I'm making do with the ground floor.
Ha-ha, you poor old thing.
Who told you where I was?
Well, if you really want to be a recluse,
get rid of your racehorse.
They told me down the stables.
- What's all this in aid of, anyway?
- All what?
All this Greta Garbo bit.
''I want to be alone.''
Ah, well, that's just it, James. I er...
I do want to be alone.
Several years of helping myself
to other people's property,
followed by three years on the run,
capped off by six months
in a cold prison cell -
all very exciting, no doubt,
but hardly the sort of thing you want
to boast to your grandchildren about.
So, I thought I'd find myself
a little pampered solitude,
arm myself with a few good books
and my own thoughts
and try and work out the most satisfying
way of spending my declining years.
Philippa, you don't look
as if you're going into a decline.
Very sweet of you, James, but
we're none of us getting any younger.
Yeah, that's true. Well, er...fair enough.
By the way, Susan and me...
We've split up.
- Really?
- Yeah. We decided last night.
By mutual consent.
Ah, well, then it seems that both of us
have got a lot to think about.
Right.
Well, thanks for the coffee.
- Will you be all right, here on your own?
- Why ever not?
Well, I know this place is quite secure
but I hate to think of you all by yourself.
James, you old sexist.
Honestly, I shall be fine.
Just me and my girlish thoughts
and Marcel Proust.
He's a writer.
I'll give you a ring in a couple of days.
Damn.
(Typewriters clattering, phone ringing)
- Morning, Jim.
- Is it?
Morning.
Good morning, Jim.
Oh. That sort of a day, is it?
- Here you are.
- Thank you.
If I were to tell you I think the entire
female sex should be boiled in oil,
- you wouldn't take offence, would you?
- Of course not.
I've had similar thoughts
about your sex in my time.
- If you only knew.
- No, before you start,
the superintendent designate
wants you to join him for coffee.
How nice.
Peter Jason? He never went in
for that stuff, did he?
Oh, no, he never used drugs himself.
But he was at the top
in international athletics for 12 years.
Must have seen and heard
all kinds of things.
The ISC,
the International Sports Council,
is holding an inquiry in Toronto.
That's where Mr Logan comes from.
We're determined to rid sport of drugs
once and for all.
A number of top athletes
are coming forward to testify.
- Including Peter Jason?
- Well, that's the point of this visit.
We contacted him in London,
he seemed pretty willing.
In fact, we got the impression
there was a whole lot he could tell us.
Only, when we got in touch yesterday
to arrange transport, he'd vanished.
- (Barney ) That's where you come in.
- Me?
Yes. Jason arrived in Jersey yesterday
but he's gone to ground somewhere,
in the company of an ex-con.
An old friend of yours.
Jason's far and away the biggest name
prepared to spill the beans.
I guess he must have been leaned on
pretty hard to change his mind.
I suppose so.
I know so. Multimillion-dollar business
stands to go down the tubes.
And some of the directors could be
looking at several years in the slammer.
- Let's hope they don't lean too hard.
- (Car approaching)
This wouldn't be her, would it?
Sergeant, dear, you've brought a friend.
Is this part of
some atavistic Jersey wooing-ritual?.
I'm here on business, Philippa.
This is Mr Logan
from the International Sports Council.
He would like a word
with Mr Peter Jason.
Jason. Jason.
No, I'm sorry, you've got me there.
- Is that a fact, Miss Vale?
- Absolutely.
Expecting a siege, are we?
James, you of all people should know
that I have a healthy appetite.
Sweet potatoes. Yams.
On a Caribbean binge, eh?
Strange you can't remember
Peter Jason.
It's a matter of public knowledge you and
he were er...very close at one time.
Is it? Well, public knowledge
or no public knowledge,
I've told the sergeant and I'm telling you
there's nobody in this house but me.
Is that a fact? Then you won't mind
me taking a look, will you?
I most certainly would,
unless you have a warrant.
Oh, come on,
you know I haven't got a warrant.
In that case, gentlemen,
if you don't mind, I'd like my lunch.
Didn't you know? About her and Jason?
None of my business, is it?
It was about five years ago.
- Your sources seem to be on the ball.
- Yeah.
Well, I guess they must have decided
it was a pretty good time
to er...renew old acquaintances.
Looks like that, doesn't it?
(Buzzing)
(Philippa ) Hello?
Oh, Miss Vale,
it's Charlie Hungerford here.
I was wondering i I could have
a brie word with Mr Jason.
Miss Vale?
Only...only, you see,
I've still got his suitcase.
FAirst the Bureau, now you.
The whole island seems to be
in the grip of a mass hallucination.
Everybody thinks I've got a man
tucked away in here.
Is it something they put in the water?
Look, Miss Vale...I just want to make
Mr Jason a business offer.
I don't care i you want to make him
a three-course dinner. He is not here.
Can you not get that
through your heads? He is not here.
Well, what am I supposed to do
with his suitcase?
Er...
I told you, Willy,
I've got a lot on my plate, all right?
- Can't you handle it?
- FAine. FAine.
Great.
- What's all this?
- Nothing, guv.
Just, with the roulette game,
I'm going to put a tail on FAarrance.
- He might lead us to the rest of them.
- OK, we'll have a chat about that.
I shouldn't worry, Jim.
I'm sure it's only...platonic.
Do I have to hire a signwriter?
I keep telling you there is
no one called Peter in this house.
All right, Miss Vale. Play it your way.
Just tell him he's got 24 hours
to accept Selco International's offer.
All we ask in exchange
is the manuscript
o everything he's written so ar.
- And that's all you want, is it?
- That's all.
And you also hope that Santa Claus
will bring you a shiny, red bicycle
for Christmas?
- Yeah?
- I think we may have a problem.
( # Power pop)
- You didn't tell me it was an audition.
- Oh, didn't I?
All my people will have
first-rate qualifications and references.
Ah, well, you see,
I thought this whole display
would make a wonderful gimmick
for our grand opening.
Do you think I could hire
the whole lot of them, just for one day?
- No, Charlie, I do not.
- Oh, pity.
I had hoped
to get hold of Peter Jason, as well,
but now he's shacked up
with Philippa Vale...
- What?
- Didn't you know?
They're old acquaintances.
I thought the whole island knew by now.
- Does that include Jim?
- Aye. Poor old Jim.
- I see.
- Not been his week, really.
Good night, Jim.
Night-night, Peggy.
We just wanna frighten them.
- OK?
- Don't worry.
Nobody's gonna get hurt. Yet.
- It's going well.
- Oh, good, I'm so pleased.
(Shot)
(Yells)
(Groans )
- That's enough! No!
- All right!
Come on!
(Car doors close )
(Car drives off)
Oh, dear. Bit early for you, isn't it?
Jim left you holding the baby
on this roulette job?
- Delegation is good for you.
- Yeah?
Who's left carrying the can
when you screw it up, eh?
Barney's got to OK it.
Barney's looking after it, we've got
nothing to worry about, have we?
(Laughs ) Anyway, it makes a change for
Jim to put his personal life first.
- Same old problem, is it?
- Sort of problem I wouldn't mind having.
- What's that?
- The ice maiden is back in town.
- What? The one that's done time?
- The old diamond-dipper herself.
You know, I just can't see
Jim knocking around with a villain.
D'you know what I mean?
I mean, it doesn't matter how tasty.
Oh, come on. FAorbidden fruit.
Well, haven't you ever had the urge
to tear up your warrant card?
- No.
- Dedicated professional.
- What's wrong with that?
- Nothing, while I'm working.
Off duty, I'm dedicated to myself,
ta very much.
That's the point. In this job,
you're never off duty, are you?
Spare me the homilies.
Look, where's my coffee?
Anyway, this...this what's-her-name,
the ice maiden.
I mean, she is going straight now,
isn't she?
Time will tell, my son. Time will tell.
Not a word about last night, OK?
Morning. Good flight?
Who's watching the house, then?
- Sorry, Miss Nash.
- ''Sorry.''
The word ''amateurish''
takes on whole new dimension
where you're concerned, Moxton.
It's not easy.
We can't just go in and drag Jason out.
Why not?
You're the Action Man of this outfit,
I take it?
Try me.
Well, since I'm clearly
the only one with any brains,
that rather leaves you redundant,
doesn't it, Moxton?
Take me to the hotel.
You and I will have a little talk.
Drop the Body Beautiful off on the way.
Drop me off? Where?
(Buzzer)
I don't believe it.
- Miss Young?
- Ms Vale.
Was there something you wanted?
- So, you reckon just the one car?
- Sure.
It'll draw less attention to ourselves.
I'll put a couple of squad cars on standby
and we can use them
as and when we like.
Righto, guv.
This is the sort of thing
I'm going to miss, you know.
Pardon?
Out there, where the action is.
- Drink?
- No, thank you.
Well?.
You do know that Jim and I
have split up?
Yes, he did say.
And that part of the reason -
admittedly only a part,
but, nevertheless, a part -
was his equivocal attitude towards you.
No, I didn't, actually.
And, of course, you haven't forgotten
our last conversation,
when you instructed
me to make up my mind?
- No, I haven't forgotten.
- Well, I have...made up my mind.
After a great deal of pain and
heart-searching on both sides,
we have split up. And what do you do?
- Susan...
- You come breezing over here.
You hire yourself a cosy little
mini-fortress and you shack up with...
- ''Shack up''?
- Yes, shack up. Shack. Up.
You shack up with some old boyfriend
and you give Jim the brush-off.
It's not quite as simple as that. Though,
as you two are no longer together...
You think that means
I don't care about him any more?
Yeah, I suppose
that's what everybody will think.
But you know what makes me angry?
You know what makes me
spitting bloody mad?
I'd changed my mind about you.
I said, ''Susan, you're not being fair.
She's not just playing games.
''In her own...peculiar way,
she really does care about him.
''She's not the cold-blooded,
conniving...bitch you think she is.''
(Horn )
Drive. Don't talk. Drive.
Oh, my God!
(Phone )
Yeah?
What?
What?
Oh...
I gave him 24 hours.
If he doesn't play ball, I could...
- You could be out of a job.
- (Buzzer)
- Told you it was a doddle.
- I'm not Philippa Vale, all right?
I'm not bloody Philippa bloody Vale!
Shut up.
- She keeps on saying that.
- Does she?
I wonder why.
But why should they want you?
To put pressure on Peter
to hand over the manuscript.
Well, he'd better hand it over.
Mr Jason, it's time you stopped
hiding behind a woman's skirts
and sorted yourself...out.
- You're right, he is a dish.
- You're not...
Where's Jason?
In Canada, where he's been
for the past 48 hours.
- Well, who the hell is this?
- This is Winston Julian.
Who?
- Dishy, but illiterate.
- The novelist.
- He's writing up Peter's notes for him.
- But Jason was seen at the airport.
We swapped clothes in the loo and
he hopped on a private plane.
All we were trying to do was buy
enough time for Jason to get to Toronto
and testify to the sports committee.
How was I supposed to know? You said
there was only one bird living there.
- She was in Vale's car.
- Vale's car is blue.
Hers is red.
Are you colour-blind or something?
As a matter of fact, yes. So what? I'm
a hitman, not a bloody dress-designer.
Oh, shut up!
- Why on earth did you bring her here?
- Susan Young.
Well, I couldn't take her home, could I?
Yeah. Susan Young. That's her name.
All right?
And she's obviously
a friend of Philippa Vale's.
So, whose idea was this, anyway?
The Canadians set it up
but, needless to say, it was my idea.
Needless to say.
Coat on the chair, the extra food.
The little striptease
in front of friend Winston here. Oh...
Sergeant, I do believe
you've been lurking in the shrubbery.
Bergerac to base. Over.
Just for the record, Philippa's charms
are a matter of sublime indifference
to me. No offence, darling.
(Man ) Go ahead, Sergeant.
Serves you right, you peeping Tom.
Peeping Tom?
D'you know what happened up there?
- Sergeant Bergerac, are you there?
- Yeah.
Cancel that, will you?
Did you say the Canadians
were in on this from the start?
Yes.
Can I borrow your car?
Perhaps no one knows
she's missing yet.
Perhaps.
We can hold her here
till you've made contact with Peter Jason.
Nothing comes of that...
I'll get someone else to sort this out.
Kidnapping, eh?
God, I never thought they'd go that far.
Poor kid.
Oh, we'll get her back. Don't worry.
But I'm sure you'll understand that er...
your sports committee
can hardly be our top priority now.
Oh, sure. I wouldn't have it
any other way.
I've talked to Jason. The whole thing
got...too heavy for him, you know?
He's keeping his head well down.
I think you can kiss that testimony
goodbye.
Yeah, well, that's life, I guess.
However, he disliked the idea
of surrendering completely
and he thought
this might cheer you up a bit.
- What's this?
- It's Jason's manuscript.
As far as he got with it.
I think you'll find some things in there
that could be very useful to you.
- Well?.
- Well...we'll see.
(Laughing)
Yes. I shall miss all this.
That's him. That's FAarrance.
Here we go.
Not too close, Willy. We don't want to
ram him up the backside.
Sorry, guv.
Don't get too far back, James.
We don't want to lose him.
Yes, thank you very much, Philippa.
I have done this before.
- What the hell's the matter?
- Sorry...
FAor God's sake. You'll lose him.
Hey, that's...
Seems as though
they never use the same place twice.
(Distant men laughing, talking)
- (Laughing)
- Weh-hey-hey!
Right, come on.
- Oh...
- This time. Come on.
- Hey, now.
- (Cheering)
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
Would you care to join us?
He's gone up to the Tower Suite.
A Miss Christine Nash.
What are you waiting for, James?
I don't know.
It all seems too easy, somehow.
- Easy?
- Professional jealousy, Alec.
So...he really isn't going to testify.
That's what the man said.
So, it's over. We can all go home.
It's not quite over, is it?
I found them.
There's three men and a woman.
One of the men's got a gun.
FAor God's sake.
I'm not crazy about it, either.
But she's seen you, she's seen me.
She can put us all away for years.
Don't worry, Moxton,
you won't have to do anything.
Your little friend in here
is slobbering at the thought.
Here's what was agreed, plus 500.
We're leaving now.
- I ought to get more.
- FAor what?
- I'm not asking you to do anything.
- FAor God's sake, what's going on?
(Buzzer)
- Hello? Who is it?
- (Woman ) Parcel for Miss Nash.
Sorry to butt in like this, but we're
investigating a case of false identity.
We have reason to believe
there's a woman in here
who's been passing herself off as me
in several banks.
Very good.
- You look after this lot.
- Masterful, isn't he?
(Yells)
(Groans )
(Yells)
- (Agitated men's voices )
- What's going on?
- Where's he come from?
- Where did he come from?
- Who is he?
- I don't know.
If this is one of your tricks...
- What is going on?
- He's broken the table.
Oh, God. God!
- Who is he?
- No idea.
Where's the telephone?
Get the telephone. Call an ambulance.
(Bergerac) Yes. All right.
Well, you're all under arrest.
- Oh, God.
- God, that's great.
(Muttering)
Sergeant, dear, are you ever
going to stand upright again
or do I have to get over there
and join you?
James?
There it is. Last little piece of evidence.
Really? I'm so glad.
Peter Jason looked pretty good
on the telly last night.
Yes, everybody seems very pleased
with our efforts.
Will you be flying out there, eh?
Or will he be coming back here?
You can't go back, Sergeant.
Once something's over, it's over.
Yeah. You're right.
I was talking about Peter, idiot.
I mean, you and I
never really got started, did we?
No, I suppose we didn't.
Well, now er...this place
is rented till the end of the week.
- How's your back, James?
- Well, it's not too good.
That's a pity.
There are seven bedrooms in this house.
Well...I could do with a bit of exercise.
---
- Can I help you, sir?
- Er, yes.
I'm expected by a Christine Nash.
Is she here?
Ah, yes. If you'd like to follow me.
Peter.
Welcome back to London.
You're looking marvellous.
- But then you always do.
- Thank you.
- How was Oslo?
- Great.
I've ordered a bottle of the '78.
That all right with you?
Oh, that's fine by me.
(Waiter) Would you like to order now,
madam?
We'll order in a little while.
- Have we met?
- Not as far as I know.
Little smokescreen.
Hope you don't mind.
We had this call, you see, Billy,
that there were 30 cars here last night.
Including two Porsches and a BMW.
And they didn't leave
till gone three o'clock this morning.
Who told you that?
They must have been drunk.
- Terrible thing, drink, if you ask me.
- Thank you very much, Billy.
So, you spent last night
in virtuous isolation, did you?
I'm not saying that. I might have had
one or two mates in for a jar.
But er...30 cars?
- What mates?
- Bit hard to say, just like that.
Yeah, well, don't strain yourself, will you?
Shall we see if they left the place tidy?
You said on the phone
that you had a business proposition.
That's right, Peter.
A very lucrative proposition.
I work for Selco International.
Our researches show that there's a
sizeable gap in the soft-drinks market.
The way we see it,
sticky and self-indulgent is out,
hard and healthy is in.
So, we're looking for somebody
who already has that image.
Somebody who can sell our products
simply by association.
Why me? It's six years
since I broke a record or won a medal.
Well, you're still
a universally respected figure, Peter.
Not just in the world of athletics,
but with the public at large.
Well known for your straight talk
and integrity.
Of course, if you accepted our offer,
we'd want to start fairly soon.
I don't mind that.
I mean we'd want to start shooting
the pilot commercial almost immediately.
- Day after tomorrow, in fact.
- I see.
- Where, exactly?
- Bermuda.
- Ah. Nice place, Bermuda.
- Yes, it is.
And a hell of a long way from Canada.
Selco International doesn't happen to
have pharmaceutical interests, does it?
Labelled drugs, for example.
The magic powder
to give you that little extra bit of muscle,
that little extra bit of weight
or that little extra zip
when you need it most, eh?
It is a very generous offer, Peter.
I'm sure it is. Listen...I haven't made up
my mind about Canada yet.
But you can tell whoever sent you
they're sure as hell going the wrong way
to get the decision they want.
Prejudices die hard, don't they?
I'm not a messenger-girl.
- I don't run errands for anybody.
- FAine.
Then you can give yourself
the message, then.
- What's this, then?
- That?
- Tiddlywink?
- It's a what?
Well, my nephews
come and play here sometimes.
- Myopic little lads, are they?
- Mm?
Short-sighted tiddlers and winkers.
You know what I think?
- I think that this is a roulette chip.
- Get away.
Which would be shocking, wouldn't it?
As gambling is against all the island laws.
Quite right, too.
Terrible thing, gambling.
- I had a cousin once...
- Don't, please, Billy. Don't.
I don't want to hear any more
about your disgusting family.
Perhaps we shouldn't have tackled him
straight on.
Perhaps we should have
staked the place out.
These are mainland professionals, Willy.
They'd have more sense
than to use the same place twice.
Do I get the impression that your heart
isn't exactly in this little investigation?
- (Laughs )
- You'll never make superintendent.
- You think Barney will?.
- Fiver on it.
OK.
- Interview's this afternoon, isn't it?
- Yeah.
Hi.
Beats me why he wants a job like that.
I mean, senior co-ordinator?
- It's the only Super's job going, isn't it?
- Huh! Cynic.
(Sighs )
- Well, thank you very much.
- Right, Mr Harvey, we'll be in touch.
- How did it go, John?
- I think I blew it, Barney.
- (Door opens )
- Chief Inspector Crozier, please.
# Music power, Capital Radio #
(DJ) Slightly warmer than
yesterday aternoon
but it's gonna be another cold night.
Charlie.
(Meows )
Here's your milk, baby.
There.
(Wind chimes tinkling)
(Phone)
(Groans)
Hang on! Hang on!
- Hello.
- (Man) Be smart, Mr Jason.
I you won't take the job, take a holiday.
A nice, long holiday.
Anywhere your fancy takes you.
Except Canada, of course.
- Listen!
- (Cuts off call)
(Ringing tone)
(Woman) Hello?
# Should auld acquaintance be forgot
# And never brought to mind?
# Should auld acquaintance be forgot
# For the sake of auld lang syne? #
(PA system pings)
Announcing the arrival in Jersey
o European Airways light JY142
rom Dinard.
Thank you.
My...God! It is you, isn't it?
There really is no answer to that,
is there?
What brings you back to the island,
Miss Vale? As if I couldn't guess.
Absolutely. I have to check up on him
from time to time.
Oh, aye.
See if he's still in good physical condition.
See if he's missing me.
After all, once you get your hands on
a really first-class stud,
you don't want to take any chances,
do you?
Oh, I see.
You mean that racehorse you bought.
Of course. What did you think I meant?
(Hisses)
Announcing the arrival o Guernsey Airlines
light GE721 rom Manchester.
Peter Jason!
Hey, Peter Jason. You know, the runner?
Olympic gold, '76 and '80.
- I'm sorry, I really don't...
- Oh, never mind. Excuse me.
- Well, thank you.
- See you when the book comes out.
Mr Jason! Mr Jason!
Er...Charles Hungerford.
- Welcome to Jersey.
- Thank you very much.
I don't know if the name means
anything to you, but I am fairly prominent
- in Jersey business circles.
- Oh, yes.
We're opening this new sports centre,
with a swimming pool, restaurants...
Yes, if I could just stop you there,
Mr Dangerfield...
- H-Hungerford.
- Hungerford
I've just told the press that I'm not
here on holiday, I'm here to work.
I'm writing a book about athletics
on and off the track.
In that case,
we'd be very good publicity for you.
And of course, we will make it
worth your while...financially.
Actually, there is something
you could do for me.
Oh, yes?
You could just look after this bag for me
while I go to the toilet.
Oh. Yes. Right.
Well, I-I'll wait here for you, then,
Mr er...Jason.
(PA.. Departure announcement)
(Toilet flushing)
Ah.
Hey! Just a minute! Just a minute!
Er...Mr Jason!
Mr Jason! What about...
your suitcase?
Oh, blooming Ada!
- Er...did you catch him?
- No, I damn well didn't!
- Who's the woman?
- Miss Philippa bloody Vale. Who else?
- Morning, all.
- Morning.
- Did I win the bet?
- He's not in yet.
FAancy another flutter? FAriday night.
- You what?
- That was one of my snouts.
- Barman at the Malibu Room.
- Name-dropper.
Apparently, Kevin FAarrance
was in there last night.
- Out of his skull, as usual.
- Shame.
Wouldn't you be, if your daddy left you
£500,000 and a string of petrol stations?
Yeah, well, he was moaning that
he'd lost £10,000 the previous night.
- Well, he would moan about that.
- Boasting that he'd win it all back
on FAriday night, if the wheel wasn't fixed.
- Look, whose case is this?
- (Chuckles)
Morning, Barney.
Or should I say...Superintendent?
- Not until the first of next month.
- Oh, you got it!
- Brilliant! Way to go.
- Congratulations!
Well, I'm glad someone
had confidence in me.
Hang on, Super.
Benny here had a whisper that young
FAarrance could be a roulette punter.
Now, er...we could put a tail on him
but is it seriously Bureau business?
The law's the law, Jim.
We don't pick and choose.
- Illegal roulette is not a game.
- (Laugh)
You know what I mean.
So, you want a team
of trained physical educationalists.
Well, it's not so much
the training, you know.
I mean, what we want is
a few really well-set-up young girls...
and fellas, all in tip-top physical condition,
of course.
Charlie, I deal with
fully qualified professionals.
Well, what better qualifications
could there be?
It encourages the punter,
gives them something to aim at.
You're incorrigible.
I'll draw you up a shortlist. Ready by five.
Right, thanks.
- Charlie...
- Mm?
No. I've got no right to use you
as a father-confessor.
Oh, go on. It makes me feel wanted.
It's erm...
- It's you and Jim, I suppose.
- Yes.
Or, rather, not me and Jim.
It's over, Charlie.
He knows it, I know it.
It's just that neither of us
wants to be the one to actually say it.
I'm very sorry, my dear.
- Are you sure?
- Quite, quite sure.
Bang your head against a brick wall
long enough,
a headache's the only thing
you end up with.
Well, if that's the way you feel,
you don't need my advice, do you?
But whatever you do, try and finish it as...
quickly and cleanly as you can.
Give both of you a chance to move on,
pick yourselves up.
Yeah.
I don't suppose this has anything
to do with Philippa Vale, does it?
Philippa Vale?
Where does she come into it?
Oh, nowhere.
That's right, Philippa Vale.
Miss Nash? Miss Nash?
Yes, Moxton, I'm still here.
Just trying to remember
which ex-member of my staff
recommended you.
Look, I might still be able to ind them,
but does it really matter?
I mean, if he's on Jersey,
he can't be in Canada, can he?
Do you know what Peter Jason
intends to do while he's on Jersey?
It was on the news.
He intends to write a book
about everything he's seen and done
in the world of athletics
over the last 15 years.
Do you think he could be trying
to tell us something?
- Well, what can I do...?
- I think he should be discouraged.
Don't you? Vanity's a terrible thing.
I think he should be persuaded
to abandon his project
for his own good.
Miss Nash, I did tell you,
I'm not really into the heavy stuff.
I don't believe I'm hearing this.
Then you'll have to recruit
somebody else, won't you?
Philippa Vale?
Run a check on her.
Moxton's out of his depth.
I was supposed to feel better
after I'd said all that.
Yeah, well...don't feel too great myself.
Crunch-time all round, then, isn't it?
You and me, Crozier getting promotion.
(Laughs ) How about that?
- Will you take over?
- Don't think so.
Erm...you will...keep in touch, won't you?
- I mean, I'd hate us to...
- Yeah, yeah. Course.
Well...
Yeah. You, too.
At least Philippa Vale
will have a clear run now.
- Morning, Terry.
- Oh, hello, Sergeant Bergerac.
He looks as if he's been well and truly
put through his paces, hey?
Yeah. Miss Vale gave him a good
workout, all right. He loves that.
- It's nice to have her back in Jersey.
- Yes, it is.
- Where is she? I'd arranged to meet her.
- You missed her by about ten minutes.
- I suppose I'll see her up at the house.
- Expect so.
- Nice place.
- Very nice.
- FAunny name, though.
- Valley FAarm?
(Intercom buzzer)
Oh dear.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
Sergeant, dear. You really are
a detective, aren't you?
Philippa, I thought that millionaires
spent their time
trying to keep you out of their houses.
Nonsense, James.
There's an enormous social cachet,
letting your house to retired jewel thieves.
I'm thinking of setting up an agency,
Rent-A-Villain.
Well, do I get a cup of coffee
or something?
It's a little inconvenient
at the moment, James.
- I've just stepped out of the shower.
- Oh, come on, Philippa.
By the time I make it up that drive, you'll
have had time for a manicure and a hairdo.
Oh, yes, all right.
(Buzzer)
(Whirring)
Oh dear.
Bureau des Étrangers, please.
Yeah, well. Modest. But tasteful.
A girl has to live somewhere, James.
- What's upstairs like?
- I don't know.
It's all covered in dust-sheets.
I'm making do with the ground floor.
Ha-ha, you poor old thing.
Who told you where I was?
Well, if you really want to be a recluse,
get rid of your racehorse.
They told me down the stables.
- What's all this in aid of, anyway?
- All what?
All this Greta Garbo bit.
''I want to be alone.''
Ah, well, that's just it, James. I er...
I do want to be alone.
Several years of helping myself
to other people's property,
followed by three years on the run,
capped off by six months
in a cold prison cell -
all very exciting, no doubt,
but hardly the sort of thing you want
to boast to your grandchildren about.
So, I thought I'd find myself
a little pampered solitude,
arm myself with a few good books
and my own thoughts
and try and work out the most satisfying
way of spending my declining years.
Philippa, you don't look
as if you're going into a decline.
Very sweet of you, James, but
we're none of us getting any younger.
Yeah, that's true. Well, er...fair enough.
By the way, Susan and me...
We've split up.
- Really?
- Yeah. We decided last night.
By mutual consent.
Ah, well, then it seems that both of us
have got a lot to think about.
Right.
Well, thanks for the coffee.
- Will you be all right, here on your own?
- Why ever not?
Well, I know this place is quite secure
but I hate to think of you all by yourself.
James, you old sexist.
Honestly, I shall be fine.
Just me and my girlish thoughts
and Marcel Proust.
He's a writer.
I'll give you a ring in a couple of days.
Damn.
(Typewriters clattering, phone ringing)
- Morning, Jim.
- Is it?
Morning.
Good morning, Jim.
Oh. That sort of a day, is it?
- Here you are.
- Thank you.
If I were to tell you I think the entire
female sex should be boiled in oil,
- you wouldn't take offence, would you?
- Of course not.
I've had similar thoughts
about your sex in my time.
- If you only knew.
- No, before you start,
the superintendent designate
wants you to join him for coffee.
How nice.
Peter Jason? He never went in
for that stuff, did he?
Oh, no, he never used drugs himself.
But he was at the top
in international athletics for 12 years.
Must have seen and heard
all kinds of things.
The ISC,
the International Sports Council,
is holding an inquiry in Toronto.
That's where Mr Logan comes from.
We're determined to rid sport of drugs
once and for all.
A number of top athletes
are coming forward to testify.
- Including Peter Jason?
- Well, that's the point of this visit.
We contacted him in London,
he seemed pretty willing.
In fact, we got the impression
there was a whole lot he could tell us.
Only, when we got in touch yesterday
to arrange transport, he'd vanished.
- (Barney ) That's where you come in.
- Me?
Yes. Jason arrived in Jersey yesterday
but he's gone to ground somewhere,
in the company of an ex-con.
An old friend of yours.
Jason's far and away the biggest name
prepared to spill the beans.
I guess he must have been leaned on
pretty hard to change his mind.
I suppose so.
I know so. Multimillion-dollar business
stands to go down the tubes.
And some of the directors could be
looking at several years in the slammer.
- Let's hope they don't lean too hard.
- (Car approaching)
This wouldn't be her, would it?
Sergeant, dear, you've brought a friend.
Is this part of
some atavistic Jersey wooing-ritual?.
I'm here on business, Philippa.
This is Mr Logan
from the International Sports Council.
He would like a word
with Mr Peter Jason.
Jason. Jason.
No, I'm sorry, you've got me there.
- Is that a fact, Miss Vale?
- Absolutely.
Expecting a siege, are we?
James, you of all people should know
that I have a healthy appetite.
Sweet potatoes. Yams.
On a Caribbean binge, eh?
Strange you can't remember
Peter Jason.
It's a matter of public knowledge you and
he were er...very close at one time.
Is it? Well, public knowledge
or no public knowledge,
I've told the sergeant and I'm telling you
there's nobody in this house but me.
Is that a fact? Then you won't mind
me taking a look, will you?
I most certainly would,
unless you have a warrant.
Oh, come on,
you know I haven't got a warrant.
In that case, gentlemen,
if you don't mind, I'd like my lunch.
Didn't you know? About her and Jason?
None of my business, is it?
It was about five years ago.
- Your sources seem to be on the ball.
- Yeah.
Well, I guess they must have decided
it was a pretty good time
to er...renew old acquaintances.
Looks like that, doesn't it?
(Buzzing)
(Philippa ) Hello?
Oh, Miss Vale,
it's Charlie Hungerford here.
I was wondering i I could have
a brie word with Mr Jason.
Miss Vale?
Only...only, you see,
I've still got his suitcase.
FAirst the Bureau, now you.
The whole island seems to be
in the grip of a mass hallucination.
Everybody thinks I've got a man
tucked away in here.
Is it something they put in the water?
Look, Miss Vale...I just want to make
Mr Jason a business offer.
I don't care i you want to make him
a three-course dinner. He is not here.
Can you not get that
through your heads? He is not here.
Well, what am I supposed to do
with his suitcase?
Er...
I told you, Willy,
I've got a lot on my plate, all right?
- Can't you handle it?
- FAine. FAine.
Great.
- What's all this?
- Nothing, guv.
Just, with the roulette game,
I'm going to put a tail on FAarrance.
- He might lead us to the rest of them.
- OK, we'll have a chat about that.
I shouldn't worry, Jim.
I'm sure it's only...platonic.
Do I have to hire a signwriter?
I keep telling you there is
no one called Peter in this house.
All right, Miss Vale. Play it your way.
Just tell him he's got 24 hours
to accept Selco International's offer.
All we ask in exchange
is the manuscript
o everything he's written so ar.
- And that's all you want, is it?
- That's all.
And you also hope that Santa Claus
will bring you a shiny, red bicycle
for Christmas?
- Yeah?
- I think we may have a problem.
( # Power pop)
- You didn't tell me it was an audition.
- Oh, didn't I?
All my people will have
first-rate qualifications and references.
Ah, well, you see,
I thought this whole display
would make a wonderful gimmick
for our grand opening.
Do you think I could hire
the whole lot of them, just for one day?
- No, Charlie, I do not.
- Oh, pity.
I had hoped
to get hold of Peter Jason, as well,
but now he's shacked up
with Philippa Vale...
- What?
- Didn't you know?
They're old acquaintances.
I thought the whole island knew by now.
- Does that include Jim?
- Aye. Poor old Jim.
- I see.
- Not been his week, really.
Good night, Jim.
Night-night, Peggy.
We just wanna frighten them.
- OK?
- Don't worry.
Nobody's gonna get hurt. Yet.
- It's going well.
- Oh, good, I'm so pleased.
(Shot)
(Yells)
(Groans )
- That's enough! No!
- All right!
Come on!
(Car doors close )
(Car drives off)
Oh, dear. Bit early for you, isn't it?
Jim left you holding the baby
on this roulette job?
- Delegation is good for you.
- Yeah?
Who's left carrying the can
when you screw it up, eh?
Barney's got to OK it.
Barney's looking after it, we've got
nothing to worry about, have we?
(Laughs ) Anyway, it makes a change for
Jim to put his personal life first.
- Same old problem, is it?
- Sort of problem I wouldn't mind having.
- What's that?
- The ice maiden is back in town.
- What? The one that's done time?
- The old diamond-dipper herself.
You know, I just can't see
Jim knocking around with a villain.
D'you know what I mean?
I mean, it doesn't matter how tasty.
Oh, come on. FAorbidden fruit.
Well, haven't you ever had the urge
to tear up your warrant card?
- No.
- Dedicated professional.
- What's wrong with that?
- Nothing, while I'm working.
Off duty, I'm dedicated to myself,
ta very much.
That's the point. In this job,
you're never off duty, are you?
Spare me the homilies.
Look, where's my coffee?
Anyway, this...this what's-her-name,
the ice maiden.
I mean, she is going straight now,
isn't she?
Time will tell, my son. Time will tell.
Not a word about last night, OK?
Morning. Good flight?
Who's watching the house, then?
- Sorry, Miss Nash.
- ''Sorry.''
The word ''amateurish''
takes on whole new dimension
where you're concerned, Moxton.
It's not easy.
We can't just go in and drag Jason out.
Why not?
You're the Action Man of this outfit,
I take it?
Try me.
Well, since I'm clearly
the only one with any brains,
that rather leaves you redundant,
doesn't it, Moxton?
Take me to the hotel.
You and I will have a little talk.
Drop the Body Beautiful off on the way.
Drop me off? Where?
(Buzzer)
I don't believe it.
- Miss Young?
- Ms Vale.
Was there something you wanted?
- So, you reckon just the one car?
- Sure.
It'll draw less attention to ourselves.
I'll put a couple of squad cars on standby
and we can use them
as and when we like.
Righto, guv.
This is the sort of thing
I'm going to miss, you know.
Pardon?
Out there, where the action is.
- Drink?
- No, thank you.
Well?.
You do know that Jim and I
have split up?
Yes, he did say.
And that part of the reason -
admittedly only a part,
but, nevertheless, a part -
was his equivocal attitude towards you.
No, I didn't, actually.
And, of course, you haven't forgotten
our last conversation,
when you instructed
me to make up my mind?
- No, I haven't forgotten.
- Well, I have...made up my mind.
After a great deal of pain and
heart-searching on both sides,
we have split up. And what do you do?
- Susan...
- You come breezing over here.
You hire yourself a cosy little
mini-fortress and you shack up with...
- ''Shack up''?
- Yes, shack up. Shack. Up.
You shack up with some old boyfriend
and you give Jim the brush-off.
It's not quite as simple as that. Though,
as you two are no longer together...
You think that means
I don't care about him any more?
Yeah, I suppose
that's what everybody will think.
But you know what makes me angry?
You know what makes me
spitting bloody mad?
I'd changed my mind about you.
I said, ''Susan, you're not being fair.
She's not just playing games.
''In her own...peculiar way,
she really does care about him.
''She's not the cold-blooded,
conniving...bitch you think she is.''
(Horn )
Drive. Don't talk. Drive.
Oh, my God!
(Phone )
Yeah?
What?
What?
Oh...
I gave him 24 hours.
If he doesn't play ball, I could...
- You could be out of a job.
- (Buzzer)
- Told you it was a doddle.
- I'm not Philippa Vale, all right?
I'm not bloody Philippa bloody Vale!
Shut up.
- She keeps on saying that.
- Does she?
I wonder why.
But why should they want you?
To put pressure on Peter
to hand over the manuscript.
Well, he'd better hand it over.
Mr Jason, it's time you stopped
hiding behind a woman's skirts
and sorted yourself...out.
- You're right, he is a dish.
- You're not...
Where's Jason?
In Canada, where he's been
for the past 48 hours.
- Well, who the hell is this?
- This is Winston Julian.
Who?
- Dishy, but illiterate.
- The novelist.
- He's writing up Peter's notes for him.
- But Jason was seen at the airport.
We swapped clothes in the loo and
he hopped on a private plane.
All we were trying to do was buy
enough time for Jason to get to Toronto
and testify to the sports committee.
How was I supposed to know? You said
there was only one bird living there.
- She was in Vale's car.
- Vale's car is blue.
Hers is red.
Are you colour-blind or something?
As a matter of fact, yes. So what? I'm
a hitman, not a bloody dress-designer.
Oh, shut up!
- Why on earth did you bring her here?
- Susan Young.
Well, I couldn't take her home, could I?
Yeah. Susan Young. That's her name.
All right?
And she's obviously
a friend of Philippa Vale's.
So, whose idea was this, anyway?
The Canadians set it up
but, needless to say, it was my idea.
Needless to say.
Coat on the chair, the extra food.
The little striptease
in front of friend Winston here. Oh...
Sergeant, I do believe
you've been lurking in the shrubbery.
Bergerac to base. Over.
Just for the record, Philippa's charms
are a matter of sublime indifference
to me. No offence, darling.
(Man ) Go ahead, Sergeant.
Serves you right, you peeping Tom.
Peeping Tom?
D'you know what happened up there?
- Sergeant Bergerac, are you there?
- Yeah.
Cancel that, will you?
Did you say the Canadians
were in on this from the start?
Yes.
Can I borrow your car?
Perhaps no one knows
she's missing yet.
Perhaps.
We can hold her here
till you've made contact with Peter Jason.
Nothing comes of that...
I'll get someone else to sort this out.
Kidnapping, eh?
God, I never thought they'd go that far.
Poor kid.
Oh, we'll get her back. Don't worry.
But I'm sure you'll understand that er...
your sports committee
can hardly be our top priority now.
Oh, sure. I wouldn't have it
any other way.
I've talked to Jason. The whole thing
got...too heavy for him, you know?
He's keeping his head well down.
I think you can kiss that testimony
goodbye.
Yeah, well, that's life, I guess.
However, he disliked the idea
of surrendering completely
and he thought
this might cheer you up a bit.
- What's this?
- It's Jason's manuscript.
As far as he got with it.
I think you'll find some things in there
that could be very useful to you.
- Well?.
- Well...we'll see.
(Laughing)
Yes. I shall miss all this.
That's him. That's FAarrance.
Here we go.
Not too close, Willy. We don't want to
ram him up the backside.
Sorry, guv.
Don't get too far back, James.
We don't want to lose him.
Yes, thank you very much, Philippa.
I have done this before.
- What the hell's the matter?
- Sorry...
FAor God's sake. You'll lose him.
Hey, that's...
Seems as though
they never use the same place twice.
(Distant men laughing, talking)
- (Laughing)
- Weh-hey-hey!
Right, come on.
- Oh...
- This time. Come on.
- Hey, now.
- (Cheering)
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
Would you care to join us?
He's gone up to the Tower Suite.
A Miss Christine Nash.
What are you waiting for, James?
I don't know.
It all seems too easy, somehow.
- Easy?
- Professional jealousy, Alec.
So...he really isn't going to testify.
That's what the man said.
So, it's over. We can all go home.
It's not quite over, is it?
I found them.
There's three men and a woman.
One of the men's got a gun.
FAor God's sake.
I'm not crazy about it, either.
But she's seen you, she's seen me.
She can put us all away for years.
Don't worry, Moxton,
you won't have to do anything.
Your little friend in here
is slobbering at the thought.
Here's what was agreed, plus 500.
We're leaving now.
- I ought to get more.
- FAor what?
- I'm not asking you to do anything.
- FAor God's sake, what's going on?
(Buzzer)
- Hello? Who is it?
- (Woman ) Parcel for Miss Nash.
Sorry to butt in like this, but we're
investigating a case of false identity.
We have reason to believe
there's a woman in here
who's been passing herself off as me
in several banks.
Very good.
- You look after this lot.
- Masterful, isn't he?
(Yells)
(Groans )
(Yells)
- (Agitated men's voices )
- What's going on?
- Where's he come from?
- Where did he come from?
- Who is he?
- I don't know.
If this is one of your tricks...
- What is going on?
- He's broken the table.
Oh, God. God!
- Who is he?
- No idea.
Where's the telephone?
Get the telephone. Call an ambulance.
(Bergerac) Yes. All right.
Well, you're all under arrest.
- Oh, God.
- God, that's great.
(Muttering)
Sergeant, dear, are you ever
going to stand upright again
or do I have to get over there
and join you?
James?
There it is. Last little piece of evidence.
Really? I'm so glad.
Peter Jason looked pretty good
on the telly last night.
Yes, everybody seems very pleased
with our efforts.
Will you be flying out there, eh?
Or will he be coming back here?
You can't go back, Sergeant.
Once something's over, it's over.
Yeah. You're right.
I was talking about Peter, idiot.
I mean, you and I
never really got started, did we?
No, I suppose we didn't.
Well, now er...this place
is rented till the end of the week.
- How's your back, James?
- Well, it's not too good.
That's a pity.
There are seven bedrooms in this house.
Well...I could do with a bit of exercise.