Bergerac (1981–1991): Season 7, Episode 6 - When Did You Last See Your Father? - full transcript

(Bird calling)

(Seagulls crying)

(FAoghorn )

( # Radio.. Pop song)

Get that heap of junk out of here!

- Hello, darling!
- Hi!

Hey, why not save that for later?

- El Tico!
- Whoo!

Do it!

(PA) Will all passengers vacate their
cabins as soon as possible, please?

Make sure you have
all your valuables with you.



Hold it a second.

OK.

- How is she?
- Hasn't come to yet.

Whoever attacked her gave her
a nasty blow to the back of the head.

- She caught it falling on the way down.
- OK.

It er...looks like robbery.
Couldn't find any sign of a handbag.

(PA) Would the catering manageress
please come to the purser's oice?

There's no sign of any weapon.
Probably over the side with the handbag.

Bit bold, isn't it?
Mugging on board a ship.

Not if it's last-minute
and you know the ship's routine.

- Any details on the girl?.
- Yeah.

According to the cabin reservation,
her name's Sylvia...Gildred.

Booked an open return
through a travel agent in London.

- Presumably, she's a mainland resident.
- No one occupy the top bunk?



No. Passenger didn't get on
at Weymouth.

Anyone see or hear anything?

Stewardess came this morning
with a cup of tea. She was still in bed.

She might have used this
as a dressing gown.

Suppose she could have been coshed
on the way back from the toilet.

Unless she opened the door
to someone she knew.

Mm.

- What about that?
- No key. Probably in the handbag.

Jim, I've found a barman upstairs,

says she was having drinks with a bloke
during the crossing.

Er...dark hair. Old leather jacket. Jeans.

They had one or two rounds.

He was on brandy.
She was drinking soft.

- That's how I ken his name, see.
- You do?

Well, I heard him say, ''I'm Tom.''

''Tom what?'' she asks.
''Same as you're drinking,'' he says.

Well, that, Sergeant,
was an orange and bitter lemon.

- St Clements.
- An appalling beverage.

- Oh, excuse me.
- An islander.

Oh, and by the by, I had a keek
in her wallet when she stood her round.

That lady was stacked. Both ways.

How much?

Oh, she had a neat wee row
of 50s and 20s.

A few hundred pounds at least.

Disgusting, isn't it?

She's still unconscious.

The hospital said there's no fracture
but she's very badly bruised.

What about these?

Well, there's two sets of prints,
apart from the girl's.

One from this here case
and the other is on the cabin door.

The Chief wants a very quick result.
The ferry people are pressing him hard.

It's bad for their image
and bad for the island's.

What the hell's this?

Well, it's...obviously not
your average Jersey tourist, is it?

The report you wanted for your meeting,
sir. I've marked the relevant...

Exhibit G.

What would you call
a...trousseau like this, then, Peggy?

Shocking.
And I don't mean just the colour.

Not very warm, either.

The girl's a stripper.

Oh, really?

(Phone )

Yeah?

Yes, Ben. Oh, great.

Well done. Yeah, I'll take my car.

We've found one of
your stripper's local fans.

OK, got it?

(Laughing, chatting)

A house like this needs young folk about.

I mean, when I first bought it
I was a family man,

but now Kim and Debbie are
over in London and Jim and me are...

Just good friends? I know the feeling.

Are you sure
you want to put it up for sale?

Well, not sure, no.

But I thought you might have some
ideas about the best agent to handle it,

- as an ex-agent yourself.
- Mm, I might have.

But first, you and I
have got to do a little deal.

Eh?

Oh, I see. Well, if it's a question
of evaluation fees, Susan,

- I'd be quite happy to...
- No, Charlie, I didn't mean that.

Just a little favour. Will you sit in
on my interview panel this week?

I have to find some high flyers
for the new Normandy group.

Nothing to do with
their civic contracts, is it?

Cos as a senator,
I'd have a conflict of interest.

Of course not.

I'm shortlisting candidates
for junior management posts.

Right, you're on.

Now, then. Let's put a price on
the Hungerford family seat, shall we?

What do you think? A million and a half?

(Industrial hissing)

- Excuse me. Tom St Clements?
- Yeah.

- Can I have a word, please?
- Yeah.

Thank you. Police.
Bureau des Étrangers.

I'm Detective Sergeant Bergerac.
This is DC Lomas.

Yeah? What can I do for you?

Wondered if you could help us
with our inquiry into a theft, please.

There's no stolen stuff on this yard,
Sergeant.

Like we always say,
the rustier scrap is, the cleaner it is.

- Yeah, I'm sure.
- (Phone )

Perhaps you'd like
to come into the office.

Come to St Aubin's. Yeah.

Mm-hm. 9:30 will suit me fine.

Yeah, look, I'll give you a quick estimate

and I'll take the stuff away
on the spot, if you agree. OK?

Great. I'll see you tomorrow, then.

Bye-bye.

These are brill, aren't they?

My dad used to work up at Gorey in the
days when we still had modest shipyards.

Really? So did my old man.

Before er...he went bust.

Yeah, I didn't realise
you were a Jersey man.

I surely am.

Well, it's just that...so many of your lot

are grockles these days. Aren't you?

Half of you are Glasgow Rangers,
the other half Manchester United.

Yeah, well, er...let's talk about
this morning, when the ferry docked.

Yeah. What?

- You were a passenger on that, yeah?
- Mm-hm. So?

And last night, you met
a Miss Sylvia Gildred?

Had a few drinks with her in the bar?

Yeah. Well. What's all this about, then?

Well, shortly before the ferry docked,
she was assaulted.

And robbed.

You think I had something to do with it?
Listen... Look, is she all right?

Well, she received a severe blow.
She's still unconscious.

God, what kind of a bastard
would do a thing like that?

Now, she was on B-deck, cabin 27. You
were on the same deck, further down.

- 52?
- Yeah, that's right.

Listen...I never saw her again
after the bar. That's the truth.

Did she say
why she was coming to Jersey?

Yeah, she said she was coming
to work in a nightclub.

Dirty Harry's, I think. She's a dancer.

- You mean a stripper?
- I wouldn't know.

Seemed like a very nice girl.
Very good company.

She also had a nice lot of money
in her purse.

Listen, St Clements, you've got a record,
right? One theft, one assault.

Oh, come on. When I was 15,
I stole a car, went for a joyride

and smashed it up
on FAive Mile Beach, OK?

Oh, yeah. Once, I got drunk and
hit a bloke for insulting a girl.

But I'd never mug anyone. And that's the
truth. Especially a woman. You got that?

Well, she'll probably identify her attacker
when she comes round.

Well, fair enough.
Wait till she comes round, then.

Don't mind if we search these premises,
do you?

Hang on, you've got no right to do that.

- If you're not responsible...
- Oh, bloody typical.

Listen. If I had money,
you wouldn't be doing this, would you?

Come on, why pick on me?
I haven't done anything.

Look, don't ordinary Jersey people
have rights any more, or something?

Jim.

Look what I've found.

You've been on the island
since this morning.

Nothing personal, Mother. We've got
the whole summer ahead of us.

- Well, what on earth were you doing?
- I had breakfast at El Tico.

Sausage, bacon, eggs, beans, chips.

Then a spot of windsurfing.

You look absolutely stunning,
you old bag. How do you do it?

Last time you came up to Oxford
you had all my friends lusting after you.

It's bad enough having
an Oedipus complex, without that.

Silly.

- Time for a drink, I think.
- Oh, not yet, Toby, darling.

Remember the house rules.

FAather's rules, you mean.

He'll be back at five for a swim.

We'll all have champagne to celebrate.

Don't be so wet, Mother. A little noggin
now is not going to do any harm, is it?

I've come down at last.

Second in Economics. A bloody genius.

Here.

She's concussed, Sergeant.

Best not to disturb her until the morning.

- Will she be OK?
- Oh, yes.

- What you'd call a fairly robust physique.
- Yeah.

# Don't be araid
o the world we've made

- # On a hot southern night... #
- Good, girls. Keep your eye in.

That's terrible, that. That's diabolical.

She was supposed to start tonight. I
suppose that's her act up the spout, is it?

FAor this week at least, I'd say.

I saw her stripping in Brighton
at Easter, you know.

She's different.
She's got a touch of class.

Yeah. Really works up
an audience well, too.

I give her six weeks' top billing.

I hope her nerve - or should I say
her verve? - hasn't gone.

I wouldn't know about that.
What we need is an address

- so we can let her folks know.
- Right. Come into the office.

Keep going, girls.

G.

Garritch, Goldman...Gifford.

My secretary don't know her alphabet
from her elbow.

Here we are. Sylvia Gildred.

I've got the agency number.

(Muled music)

They should give you your touch.

- Thank you very much.
- Only hope you get the thugs who did it.

FAancy a...couple of tickets
to tonight's show?

No, thank you.

I earned it while I was staying with
my sister in Swindon.

FAriend of hers needed a hand
stripping some lead off a factory roof.

And no, it wasn't a theft.

It was a casual job,
ten days' good, hard work.

- FAor whom?
- ''Casual'' means for nobody, Sergeant.

Even you know that. FAor God's sake,

tax exiles are laundering millions
in this island every day.

Listen, chum, you're in serious trouble

so don't get smart-ass about tax evasion.

And start remembering
your generous friend's name.

Oh, come on, Tom.
Your fingerprints match up.

They're all over the girl's suitcase,
they're on the cabin...

I already explained. I carried her suitcase
for her at Weymouth.

Such a gentleman.

She'll tell you the same
because it's the truth.

And the cabin door?

I carried them to the cabin door. Probably
held the door handle, chatting to her.

- Chatting her up, you mean.
- All right.

You never tried to get off with a girl?.

No, I don't suppose you have.

Look, St Clements, it's getting late.

We're all tired. Let's wrap it up now,
shall we? Tell us what really happened.

I've already told you, haven't I?

You haven't told us
where you got the 500 quid.

- That's because I can't.
- We can charge you now.

There's the money.
There are your fingerprints.

You knew she had that kind of cash.

- You were the only person seen with her.
- Oh, was I?

Well, I saw her with someone else,
for a start.

- What?
- Where? When?

In the restaurant, earlier.

I know the fella, too. He's a Jerseyman,
just like you and me.

(Chuckles ) Not quite.
Way out of our league.

Aye. Aye, it was a nasty business,
that hurricane.

But still, the er...timber brought in
some quite good profits, though.

- Sad way to make money, though.
- Eh? Oh. Aye.

I've just remembered, mon pére,

I carved my name on that big oak
that blew down.

You must owe me
a percentage of the profits.

Do you want to help pay
part of the tree-feller's bill?.

Touché.

- Have some truffles, everyone. Charlie.
- Oh, thanks.

Roger took the boat over to St Malo
yesterday, brought them back specially.

- Delicious.
- A business trip, I hasten to point out.

The shopping was coincidental.

Come on, you lot. Out of the pool.
Time to get dressed for supper.

- Come on.
- Are you serious about your house?

Aye, well, I thought I might
just test the market.

Well, I'm very interested, Charlie.

I can't think why,
when you've got a place like this.

But you have a much better view of
the sea and the beach below.

I could always build a pool on the lawn.

You watch him, Charlie. He's fly.
No deduction for absence of pool?.

Aye, well, there already is one
inside the house.

The ink on his decree scroll hardly dry

and Toby knows about business.

Exactly. So, why don't I start at the top,
in one of the companies you grow fat on,

rather than scratching around
for some Mickey Mouse appointment?

None of the companies that I'm director
of could afford your inexperience.

Roger Lemaire,
meanest lawyer in Jersey.

- Toby.
- He is a real tightwad.

Three years at university
without a decent living allowance.

You had as much as anyone else.

Then how come I had to wash cars
and fry hamburgers?

Actually, it wasn't the hamburgers
I minded so much.

It was those paper hats
you had to wear.

Aye, well, you got your degree, Toby,
that was the main thing.

I never did. I reckon I had to do
some far dirtier jobs than you in my time.

No doubt. But we're living
in a different age, Charlie.

I shall be a millionaire by the time I'm 30.

Come, Rox. We shan't be dining here.

There's a party on Mike Aitken's yacht.

Yeah, I radioed the ferry.
We've got a waiter who confirms

that Sylvia was having dinner
with Toby Lemaire.

- A rotten tipper, he said.
- Ha! Anything else?

Yeah, the waiter saw him again just after
breakfast, being sick over the side.

Ah. Sounds a right little Hooray Henry.

OK, Ben, thanks very much.
Have a good night.

Good night, Jim.

What's this?

We ask our candidates to do a set piece
in their own handwriting.

- FAor assessment.
- What, by a graphologist?

Mm-hm. Standard procedure.

You'd be amazed what you can discover
about someone's character

- from these little squiggles.
- Ah, get on.

- Surely your lot use a graphologist?
- No.

I'm all for it. ''Hello, sir. Sign here,
please, sir.'' And bingo, you book him.

Or let him go.

- You an expert on handwriting, are you?
- No, not yet, but I'm learning.

Why?

What do you make of that?

It's an improper suggestion
from a very unreliable character.

- Hello, Sister.
- Oh, hello, Sergeant Bergerac.

How's Sylvia Gildred, then?

Well, she's a bit groggy still,
but she's fine.

- Has her dad arrived?
- Oh, yes.

- That's him on the phone.
- I'll ring as soon as there's any news.

Bye, darling.

My thanks to you, Sister.

Bishop...this is the detective
on your daughter's case.

We spoke on the telephone yesterday.
How do you do, er...Your Grace?

- Sorry, I didn't realise you're a...
- Oh, no need to apologise.

I never use my church rank
on the phone. Much too pretentious.

Oh and erm...by the way,
my daughter's explained about her job.

She told us she was a dancer.

- You know, a hoofer in the chorus.
- Must have been quite a shock.

I've spent half my life
in inner-city parishes, Sergeant.

I'm not easily shocked.

Still...

Well, she's recovering.
That's the important thing, isn't it?

Absolutely.

I should have made sure
the door was closed

but it had one of those locks
that click shut themselves.

Stepped over to the wash basin...

Everything just went blank.

- So, you didn't get a look at anyone?
- No, I'm afraid not.

Do you think I'm allowed to smoke?

- D'you mind, Daddy?
- Oh, you have a ciggie if you want one.

- Oh. I've given up.
- I think they're in the cupboard.

You had a lot of money in your handbag,
didn't you?

Wages of skin, as Daddy and I call it.

- How much?
- About 500.

Most of it for the deposit
on a flat I was about to rent.

Well, why were you carrying
so much dosh, poppet?

The owner of the flat
wanted cash on the nail.

Well, why not draw it
out of the bank here?

I never told you,

but the bank took my card and
cheque book away a few months ago.

I got horribly overdrawn.

But that's why I was...you know.

We've obviously
got a lot more talking to do.

Erm...before you turned in for the night...

you had drinks in the bar
with a Tom St Clements.

Oh. That really is his name, is it?

I thought he was having me on.
He's a bit of a joker, Tom.

He was nice. You think he did it?

You also met someone else on the boat.
Had dinner.

- Yeah. Toby Lemurre, a name like that.
- Lemaire.

You aren't half giving my father
a bad impression of me.

I'm actually really strict
about the company I keep.

Toby was a bit of a bore, actually,
and slightly drunk.

So...gave him the slip after dinner.

- You pay for your own meal?.
- Certainly.

And paid for a round of drinks
in the bar afterwards?

Yes.

So, both of them could have seen you
were carrying a great deal of money.

- Yeah, I suppose so.
- Careless of you, dumpling.

I'm not half as upset about the money
as I am about Granny's silver locket.

- That was in my handbag, too.
- Oh, dear.

Worth a lot?

We had it valued at £300 four years ago.

You'd better give me a description.

No smoking in here, Bishop.

Terribly sorry, Sister.

- You seen this, have you?
- Oh, I only read the qualities.

Yeah, well, the Chief has read it.

So have Channel Island FAerries,
Tourism and half the States.

I quote. ''The attackers
made a clean getaway

''and Jersey police
have no clues as to their identity.''

I'm taking a lot of flak, Jim.
Where are we on this?

Still peeling off the layers...
as the stripper said to the bishop.

Very droll.

We're still holding St Clements.

But Toby Lemaire is now
definitely in the frame.

Just because he talked to the girl?.

Well, he was also seen throwing up
just before the ferry docked.

- Beginner's nerves?
- Lemaire's son.

He doesn't need to steal handbags.

It was an opportunist crime.
You can't tell with those.

- Has to be St Clements.
- Does it?

Well, I'm not going to charge him
till I've questioned Toby Lemaire.

All right. But be careful. Roger's
one of our most powerful advocates.

That's the respectable bit. He's also on
the board of 1,001 offshore companies.

That makes it a bit different.

You don't have a grudge
against the Jersey rich, do you?

Who, me?

OK. I just wondered.

- Excuse me. Mrs Lemaire?
- Yes.

- Is your son, Toby, about, please?
- Why, it's Sergeant Bergerac.

We've met before, haven't we?

Weren't you married to
Charlie Hungerford's daughter?

- Yes. Yes, I was.
- Can't imagine what it was like,

having a rascal like Charlie
as a father-in-law.

- What will you have to drink?
- No, thanks, not for me.

- Toby's out, I'm afraid.
- Ah.

- Is this an official visit?
- Well, I'd rather not say.

Oh, for heaven's sake. You're
not dealing with a bunch of tourists.

- I'm a senior barrister.
- You're also his father.

I think you might
just have to tell us something.

Well, it's an inquiry

about an assault and robbery
on the ferry yesterday morning.

Where is Toby?

Thank you very much,
Captain Christopher.

Aye, thank you, ''Captain'' Christopher.
You know the way out.

Thank you.

Well, I was never
more than a quartermaster sergeant

in Egypt during the war. That's where
I widened my business horizons.

- So I've heard.
- That fellow was nowt but a bullshitter.

Shall we see the next one
and then review?

Good idea.

Send him in, please, will you, Jill?.

- Do come in, Mr Lemaire.
- Hey?

- Oh. Hello, Toby.
- Charlie. Surprise, surprise.

I'm afraid I shall have to withdraw, Susan.

I'm sorry, Toby, but...
but it wouldn't seem quite right

to judge the son of
an old friend and business colleague.

Jolly good luck, all the same.

- Do sit down.
- Thank you.

Well, Mr Lemaire,
when exactly did you get your degree?

About er...about three weeks ago.

Toby Lemaire?

Detective Sergeant Bergerac.

Jim Bergerac.
FAriend of my parents, aren't you?

Acquaintance.

I'd like to ask you a few questions,
please.

What, now? I'm supposed to be
meeting someone in two minutes.

It's about Sylvia Gildred.

Thank you so much, Charlie. I think
we've got a very impressive shortlist.

- That Toby Lemaire's a clever boy.
- Yeah, he's a bit too clever sometimes.

Just like his father. (Chuckles )

Good God, you can't be serious, Jim.

Sergeant Bergerac.

Me? A suspect?

That's ridiculous.

Then you won't mind popping in
and giving us your fingerprints.

What the hell for?

Look...Sergeant, I may be totally skint

but I don't take money from strippers.

You were sick on the ferry
yesterday morning. Why?

Something upset you?

I don't believe this.

I made myself sick, all right?

Because I was pissed.
I'd been up drinking all night

and I didn't want some busybody flat-foot
to pick me up and breathalyse me.

- Toby, what's the matter?
- Just get in the car, Rox, please.

I'll see you down the Bureau
this afternoon. It's a routine procedure.

I'll see if I can fit it
into my busy schedule.

Please try.

You had dinner with that girl
who was attacked?

I shared a table with her. Do get it right.

- You said you knew her.
- Yes.

How well?.

FAor God's sake, Rox,
do give me a bit of credit.

- She's a tart with dirty elastic.
- Her father's a bishop.

Well, that's his problem.

She did a striptease in a seedy pub

in front of a whole roomful
of undergraduates.

That's all.

Why did you tell Sergeant Bergerac
you were broke?

Well, that's easy. Cos I am.

But you spent at least 50 quid
after the party last night.

Oh, for crying out loud, Rox.
Not you, as well.

But o course, I'm digressing.

What you asked me was er...what I elt
about the nature o the work.

And er...my answer to that would be...

- Comes across well, doesn't he?
- Oh, yeah.

Very persuasive.

You know, Jim, I don't think it was fair,
you pouncing on him like that.

People like Toby Lemaire
get right up my nose.

I disagree with you.

That boy has a stunning career
ahead of him.

Tell you what.
Could you give us a quick look

at the graphologist's report
on Lemaire when you get it?

No, Jim, I could not. It's not ethical.

Well, neither is
whacking a young girl over the head

and snatching her handbag.

I expect you thought
I'd be uncooperative.

No. Thank you.

I am from a legal family, you know.

It might be worth remembering that.

Well?.

Your prints match up
to nothing we've got.

Puts me in the clear, then.

Not necessarily.

I don't believe that you have a single
shred of evidence against me otherwise.

I can see it in your faces.
Disappointing, isn't it?

We're not accustomed to
thinking like that.

Always providing you do think.

Listen, sunshine, don't get cocky in here.

We pay you to track down the criminals.

Not to persecute
law-abiding members of the public.

OK, Mr Lemaire, you can go.
Thank you very much for coming in.

I don't expect
my father will be too impressed by this.

Wish we'd had something on him.

Nothing would have given me
greater pleasure.

He's not off the list yet.
Not by any means.

- I'm curious to see what he does.
- Mm.

Hello. I've got a special delivery
for Miss Sylvia Gildred.

Could you tell me
what room she's in, please?

- Yes, she's in room 302, on the right.
- Thank you very much.

Oh, you shouldn't.

They're lovely. How did you get in?

Well, never mind that.

I heard all about it. I think it's shocking.

If I can get my hands on the bastard
I'll wring his...

Sorry. Well, you know what I mean.

Daddy, this is Toby.
One of the boys from the boat.

Oh, yes? Glad to meet you.

(Door opens )

What are you doing in here?
Miss Gildred is not to be disturbed.

Er...special delivery, Sister. FAlowers.

Oh, yes.
Well, will you kindly leave, please, sir?

I'll see you at Dirty Harry's.

Well, we're not altogether sure
about that.

Oh, yes. Erm...course.

She's er...far too good,
in every sense of the word.

Jolly nice to meet you, sir.

You really ought to know better...Bishop.

Get out of my face, you leech!
Give me that!

- What are you playing at?
- Go to hell, you bloody vultures!

You certainly don't waste any time,
do you?

(Shutter clicking)

(Starts car)

You should have consulted
a solicitor first.

- Why didn't you phone me?
- What for?

- To have you cross-examine me as well?.
- All right.

Let me do just that.

Did you have
anything to do with robbing that girl?.

That's right. Suspect me, your own son.

Is that how well
we know each other these days?

Toby, I want the truth.

I have just been to the hospital to give
the little scrubber a bunch of flowers!

- Would a guilty man do that?
- He might.

If he were trying to appear innocent.

I don't have to try, FAather.

All right, I believe you.

I only hope you manage to convince
Bergerac. He's no fool, you know.

Could have fooled me.

That arrogance and charm of yours

will get you into a great deal of trouble
one of these days.

Why? Doesn't seem
to have held you back.

Come on. Either we charge Tom
St Clements or we have to release him.

I still don't think
we've got enough of a case.

- Is there something personal here?
- No.

I just don't think he did it, that's all.

You don't like the idea of an ordinary
Jersey man being wrongly accused.

I don't like the idea
of anyone being wrongly accused.

And I want to check out
Toby Lemaire some more.

Either you don't like him
or you don't believe his story.

Both.

You see? You do have a bias.

I prefer to call it positive discrimination.

No, perfectly clear, Denzel,
my dear chap. Strictly hugger-mugger.

Anything that's filtered through
to your desk on the Sylvia Gildred case.

- (Man ) You mean the er...stripper girl?
- C'est ça, Denzel.

It's still very open, I believe.

A man was helping police with
their inquiries but he's been released.

His name? If you'd be so kind.

It's so sweet of you to come.
Especially after what happened.

- Well, it was hardly your fault, was it?
- I should say not.

It never crossed my mind to suspect you.

Or the other boy.

Really? That's...very nice.

Toby Lemaire.

He was on the boat, too.
You probably don't know him.

Oh, I know him, all right.
Everyone on Jersey knows the Lemaires.

Yeah, he is rather...''Rather,'' isn't he?

Well, yes he is. He is very ''Rather''.

So, it isn't me and you don't think it's him.
So, who er...

Well, who do you think
the police suspect?

I don't know.

Your Sergeant Bergerac's a bit...
inscrutable, isn't he?

- He's rather sweet, though.
- He seems like a nice enough bloke.

You're looking very good.

I'd like to see you dance sometime.

I'm not exactly at my best at the moment.

Anyway...come and see you again,
all right?

Yes.

Good luck.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye.

Here's to a possible transaction. Cheers.

- Aye, cheers.
- Cheers.

Toby tells me you crossed paths
at the interview.

Yeah, he took me by surprise.

- You felt obliged to opt out.
- Well, it didn't seem right, somehow.

- You understand, Roger.
- Very proper.

Splendid house, Charlie.
Wonderful position.

I might even go over the top
on your asking price.

Oh, well, that's very handsome of you, Roger.

But there's one small favour
I would ask of you.

Ask away, ask away.

Your ex-son in law, Jim Bergerac,

had made some rather unfortunate
allegations about my son.

Yeah, I get the picture.

Any idea who did this?

No.

Bastards got in over the fence, though.

Have you spoken to your neighbours
about this?

- Well, it's too late to catch them, really.
- Not if somebody saw them.

Well, there's a woman lives over there.

Didn't see anything.

But she said that she heard some
la-di-dah voices screaming and shouting.

I'll have a word with her.

Listen, I never did that mugging.

But someone here on Jersey really wants
me stitched up for it, don't they?

Ah, well. Damage is done now.

(FAaint noise outside )

(Rustling)

(Softly) Jim.

- Jim.
- Mm...

I thought I heard something outside.

- It's the wind in the trees.
- No.

It was nearer.

- Trees.
- No.

Not that.

(FAaint noise )

Was that the noise?

Susan?

- Susan.
- (Sleepily) It was the wind.

In the trees.

(Birds twittering)

What the...?!

(Phone )

Yes?

Yes, Charlie, it is a bit early.

You've got problems?
No, nothing. Go on.

Roger Lemaire is an old friend and
business colleague of mine.

- How nice or you.
- Now, don't be like that, Jim.

But he and his wife are very upset
at the way you've treated Toby.

- The way I've treated him?
- Well, he's a wilful lad, I know.

But he's no criminal.

Listen, it's my job to decide who
the criminals are around here, all right?

- Aye, I know that but...
- Do I tell you what shares to buy?

- Well, no, but...
- Don't you tell me how to do my job. OK?

Eh?

Surveillance on a mugging case?
Bit excessive, isn't it?

I wish I'd made it round the clock.

Went out in the middle of the night
and vandalised my car!

- Well, you don't know that for certain.
- I'd lay you money on it.

Public-school git.

He's the sort that puts chamber pots
on top of church spires.

- And takes flowers to hospitals?
- Another piece of upper-crust cunning.

Have you finished?

Guv, he may not have vandalised
Jim's car himself, nor the scrapyard,

but he could have paid someone to do it.

- What do you mean?
- Look.

What d'you think of this?

( # WhamI.. Club Tropicana )

# Where membership's a smiling ace

# Brush shoulders with the stars

# Where strangers take you by the hand
and welcome you to wonderland... #

Why, Sergeant Bergerac,
come to join our beach party.

No, thank you, sir. I'd like another word
with young Toby, please.

It's deliberate, isn't it?

You know the laws
about harassment, don't you?

Don't you know it's bad form
to gatecrash, Sergeant Bergerac?

Let's cut the jokes, shall we?
Not in the mood.

Not after what happened to my car
last night.

Your car?
What on earth are you talking about?

- Oh, you wouldn't know, would you?
- What are you accusing him of now?

Oh, nothing. I don't expect
we'll find any proof.

Any more than we'll discover who did the
damage to Tom St Clements' yard, eh?

This is absurd. You're acting
entirely outside your jurisdiction.

Yeah, well, let's skip the vandalism,
shall we?

I came here...on another matter.

Who's that man?
And what were you paying him off for?

- What is this?
- Toby?

I don't see that it's anybody else's
business but my own.

Unless that money came from
Sylvia Gildred's handbag.

No, it didn't.

The man's a loan shark.
I owed him 600 quid.

- Where did you get that amount?
- A chum of mine in college lent it to me.

Can I have his name?

Yes. But I'm afraid
it won't do you much good.

He's gone on a walking tour of China.

Walking tour... That's very convenient.

What the hell were you playing at?

Roger, darling, please.

Why didn't you come to me?

Well, that's rich, coming from you.
That really is.

Excuse me. I'll leave you
to get back to your party.

If you're thinking of leaving the island,
please don't.

We want another word with you.

# Pack your bags and leave tonight

# Don't take your time

# Gotta move your eet,
don't miss the light

# Pack your bags... #

Oh. Aye. Thank you.

Thank you.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Er...another large whisky, please,
Alfredo.

I think you had enough, sir.

Listen, you Portuguese ponce,
I would like another drink.

Please.

It's still a free island, isn't it?

Our beloved Channel Islands
are set free.

That's what Churchill said after the war,
isn't it?

Little did he know.

Come on.

What are you staring at?

Never seen an ordinary Jersey man
enjoying a drink before?

Oh, no, we might not all be
millionaires with Porsches,

but we still live here, you know.

We've been here since Norman times.
And we're not going. Got that?

Yeah, I know you tax exiles
and businessmen.

And you'd all be well pleased...

if we all just died tomorrow.

We're here to stay.

(Snarls)

Graphologist's report on Toby Lemaire.

Don't tell me. Over-privileged,

over-bearing,
devious and heading for a fall.

My, he has got your juices flowing.

It says here, ''Good judgment.
A mature, forceful personality.

''And an ability to learn quickly
and adapt to circumstances.''

Could have written it himself,
couldn't he?

''All in all, the subject's handwriting
suggests trustworthiness

- ''and reliability.''
- Ha!

Oh, my God.

I wouldn't say anything
if I were you, Charlie.

- Look, Jim, this Lemaire business...
- Don't start leaning on me again.

- It is Saturday afternoon, OK?
- No, but Jim...

- Would you like a drink?
- No, thanks.

Any progress on the house?

I've just lost a buyer and
I'm going off the whole idea.

Oh, I'm glad. You'd only regret it.

FArom what I've seen of families recently,

I feel privileged to live in a house
with a few happy memories.

- This mugging business.
- Charlie...

No, please, listen to me. That lad you
suspected at first, Tom St Clements.

- What about him?
- Well, I knew his father quite well, too.

He's dead now, of course.
Killed himself, poor fella.

- Oh.
- After he went bankrupt.

Just one more thing, Charlie.

Can you ring the Bureau and ask them
to send out a duty-man to pick me up?

Aye, right, but go easy on the lad, Jim.

He'd had a bit of a skinful
when I saw him.

Tom?

Anyone home?

(Horn )

You think you own the bloody island,
just cos you got a Roller.

Bloody idiot.

Had me fooled, Tom. You really did.

You went to a great deal of trouble
to make me think it was Toby Lemaire.

You said I was in the clear.
Well, I might have guessed.

All you coppers are the same.

- I thought you were on my side.
- And so I was, Tom.

Till someone showed me a motive
why you wanted to set up Toby Lemaire.

I don't know why I bothered. His father
would have had the charge dropped.

Well, he might have tried,

- but I don't think he'd have succeeded.
- Don't kid me.

Only money talks on this island.

If you don't have money,
you simply don't count.

It's like being invisible.

The tourists don't even notice you,
the rich don't even see you.

People like me can't even afford
to own our own homes any more!

I'm not disagreeing with you, Tom. Come
down from that cab. We'll talk about it.

And it's the same everywhere you go.
Every pub, every hotel.

And the airport. Who's always waiting for
those cheap standby seats?

Ordinary Jersey people like me!

And this island is our birthright!

Me and Toby went to the same
primary school. Did you know that?

Yeah, we used to play together in school.

And then, of course,
for Toby it was prep school,

public school, Oxford.

And for me, this bloody scrapheap!

No, Tom! Don't be such a fool!

(Engine slows down )

And then, of course,
Toby's father gets richer and richer

and my dad gets poorer and poorer,

until he couldn't even
pay the rent on his boatyard.

And who was the lawyer
that had him evicted?

- Roger bloody Lemaire!
- (Engine revs )

No! Tom, stop, listen to me!

Your father was a fine man,
but he had his faults, like the rest of us.

He was a craftsman with his boats
but when it came to business,

- he was a bit of a bodger.
- You're lying!

No, it's the truth,
however hard it is to take.

He had plenty of chances to save
his yard. I even put in money myself.

But he simply didn't have the nous.

So, whatever happened
was, sadly, his own fault.

Yeah, well, he paid for it, didn't he?
He killed himself!

Roger Lemaire killed him!

No, he killed himself because he couldn't
face up to things, just like you now.

You've got to put some of the blame
for your bad luck on your father, Tom.

I know that sounds hard, but it's true.

You said he was a fine man.

And he was. Wasn't he?

Yes, lad, he was.

And he'd be very sorry to see you
in this state now, he really would.

Come on, son.

Switch it off.

There's a good lad. Switch it off.

(Engine off)

There, there. There, there.

Thank you, Charlie.

You know,
there's an interesting side to you.