Benson (1979–1986): Season 1, Episode 22 - Takin' It to the Streets - full transcript

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(DOG BARKING)

Hi. Hi.

I'm, uh, waiting to
see the Governor.

I'm not.

No, really, I have a letter of
introduction from, uh, Senator Macintosh.

I'm, uh, Wesley Corbett.

You sure?

Yeah.

And I have the answer.

I don't think anybody's
asked that question.



This, my good man, is the
solution to all our problems.

Now, with my new system,

we can keep heating
costs from skyrocketing.

Even in the dead of winter, I have a
way to stay cozy, toasty and warm.

So do I, but she's out
of town for the weekend.

(STAMMERING) It's what I
call my greenhouse theory,

in which we enclose our
cities with a plastic bubble.

Well, that's one way to
keep from losing your kite.

Who needs one?

I mean, there'll be no wind,
no rain, no sleet, no snow.

I laugh in the face of winter.

(LAUGHING LOUDLY)

Well, it's nice to see a man
happy in his work, Mr. Corbett.

Well...



But tell me, if we
keep everything out,

won't we also be
keeping pollution in?

I'll be back.

I was afraid of that.

Marcy, where do you
want these phone books?

Give them to Taylor.

What, does he need to put them on
his seat so he can see over his desk?

You're not going
to believe this.

The Governor is personally
calling everyone in the state.

Tell him to say hi for me.

Well, he's not calling everyone.

He's got a lot of issues that he's
trying to get some opinions on.

They called me once
about my opinion.

Wanted to know what
kind of eye shadow I wore.

So what did you do? Hang up?

No. I told them it depended
on the dress I was wearing.

Walked right into it, didn't I?

Every time.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Yes?

Oh, come in,
Benson. Listen to this.

Governor, this is
the twentieth call.

You don't need these
people to waste your time.

Yeah, you got Taylor for that.

Well, if I don't
talk to the people,

how am I gonna find out what's
on their minds and in their hearts?

Just ask me.

Taylor, ever since
I've been elected,

I've been stuck in this office

and you've been in here with me.

How could you possibly think
you have the pulse of the people?

I'm not even sure he
has a pulse of his own.

Oh, uh, Mr. Phipps?

This is Governor Gatling.

Gatling.

No, I'm afraid Governor Dexter
passed away several years ago.

Now, Mr. Phipps,
I wonder if I...

Oh, Mr. Phipps,
please don't cry.

We all loved him.

Well, uh, he threw out
the first ball of the season

and sort of went with it.

Well, perhaps I should
call you back some time

when you're
feeling a little better.

Goodbye, Mr. Phipps.

Sir, forget the people.
You have a state to run.

Taylor, the people
are the state.

Hey, that's radical
thinking. But I like it.

The trouble is, I can't
get anybody to talk to me.

Either they don't
believe it's really me,

or they tell me what
they think I want to hear

instead of what they're feeling.

Well, if somebody called
you up on the phone and said,

"I'm the governor,"
would you believe 'em?

Of course not. I'm the governor.

No. That's not what I mean.

People get a lot of crank calls.

You can't expect them
to believe it's really you.

Sir, I rarely do, but I
happen to agree with Benson.

This telephoning is
getting us nowhere.

As my mother used to say,

"Anybody who calls
you up on the phone

"and tries to sell
you something,

"is afraid to look
you in the eye."

Your mother had a point.

I hope so, 'cause she
never had a phone.

Benson, if you
were a little girl...

Uh-huh.

And you wanted to
have a slumber party,

but you didn't think
your father would let you,

I'd help you.

If and when I
become a little girl,

I'll keep that in mind.

Is that it?

Benson, everyone in the
world has had a slumber party.

I haven't.

You're not a little girl.

I was just a minute ago.

Oh, Benson.

Well, what's so great
about a slumber party?

Everything. You get together
and eat pizza and popcorn

and donuts, roll
each other's hair,

talk about creepy boys
and have pillow fights.

Well, when do you slumber?

The next day.

Uh-huh, so what do
you want from me?

Well, I was just wondering

what you're gonna tell
Daddy if he mentions it to you.

I'm not gonna tell him anything,

'cause he's the one who's
got to put up with all that noise.

Come on, Benson, I
thought you were my friend.

I am your friend, but I'm
your father's friend, too.

Why don't you ask him?

I did and he said, "We'll see."

There you go.

"We'll see" usually means no.

So, would you ask him? For me?

Would you please?

We'll see.

Thanks.

Ah, we used to have such
parties when I was her age.

All my friends would come over und
gather in the kitchen to stuff sausage.

Grind und stuff.
Grind und stuff.

Really went wild, huh?

I could tell you stories.

Please don't.

Governor, I've been keeping
track of the phone calls.

Do you want me to make a list
of all the worthwhile comments?

We didn't get any.

I'm afraid those calls
haven't been all that profitable.

It has been for the
phone company.

I've got to find some
way to reach the people.

Sir, I don't know why you're
bothering with these phone calls,

when I can tell you what's
on the average person's mind.

Gold, trust funds,
and tax shelters.

Is that baloney?

Sounds like it to me.

Well, I, for one, want
to protect the money

that I worked
so hard to inherit.

Taylor, what the people
are really worried about

is just keeping a
roof over their heads.

Do you know I pay $350 a
month just for my one bedroom?

Imagine if you had a
kitchen and bathroom.

You know what frightens me?

A mirror.

Do you have any
idea of the chemicals

they put in some of
the food that we eat?

It's enough to make you sick.

Keep on eating that stuff,

you'll wind up in the hospital.

If the doctor doesn't kill you,

his bill will.

Now, this is wonderful.

Yeah, she's a million laughs.

No, I mean, it's just that
I so seldom get a chance

to hear this kind
of talk anymore.

Well, you'd hear plenty of it

if you went to the barber
shop and the bowling alley.

They may say it
in different ways,

but they're talking about
the same thing. Survival.

Benson, the Governor is
not going to any bowling alley.

Sir, why ask what
the people want?

They don't know what they want.

If they knew you,
they'd want your head.

If you're looking for a
broad range of opinions,

I suggest you go to the polls.

What about the
Czechs, the Swedes?

They all have something to say.

I think Taylor was referring
to the public opinion polls.

Oh, those polls are just
numbers and percentages.

I want voices, feelings.

Well, what about the mail?

You can get a pretty good
indication of what people are thinking

by reading your mail.

But we only get three kinds.

For, against, and obscene.

There's got to be a better way to
find out what's on people's minds.

There is, sir. Just
talk to your experts.

But who's an expert?

Somebody who's trying to stretch
his pay from one week to the next

and no matter how hard he tries,

he can't stretch it far enough.

Now they'll tell you some
things you want to hear

and maybe a few things
you don't want to hear.

Well, that's what
makes this country great.

Everybody has the right
to express an opinion,

no matter how little they know.

Yeah, and you get paid for it.

Benson, how do I look?

Different.

Good. No, I didn't say that.

Well, listen, I've been
giving it a lot of thought

and I have decided to
take your suggestion.

What suggestion?

That I go out and
talk to the people.

Yeah, but I didn't say go out in
the middle of the night, Governor.

Where are your security men?

Oh, I'm not taking them with me.

See, they'd get between
me and the people.

Well, that's what they're for.

No, no, Benson. You were right.

You see, if I go
out there by myself,

dressed like this,

then people would be
more likely to confide in me,

give me advice.

With all due
respect, sir, forget it.

It's a dumb idea.

It was your idea.

Then I should know.

You have no idea
what it's like out there.

Well, then it's
time I found out.

Yeah, but why don't you
go out in the daytime?

At least you can see
who's mugging you.

No, Benson, I have decided

and nothing's gonna
change my mind.

It's your face I'm
worried about.

You can't go and
that's all there is to it.

Sir.

I can go out and that's
what I'm gonna do.

Oh, no, you're
not. I won't allow it.

Just a minute. Are you
telling me what to do?

Yes.

Kind of.

Well, don't,
because I'm leaving.

Not without your
security men, you aren't.

Benson, put down that phone.

Benson!

I mean it.

Then I'm coming
with you. Okay, fine.

Give me a minute to change.

Benson,

you realize we just
had our first fight?

Yeah, but the night is young.

You sure you wanna come in here?

Oh, I'm positive.

Do we just sit down anywhere?

I don't think we should
wait for a hostess to seat us.

So, uh, what did
you tell the foreman?

Told him if he wants me to work 80
stories up, he's got to pay me more.

I'm a construction
worker, not a trapeze artist.

At least you're
working steady, Jake.

Got news for you, pal.

80 stories up, I am not steady.

What'll it be? Beer.

You? Hmm, what do you recommend?

The joint down the street.

Now what do you want, pal?

He'd like a beer.

I never had before.

Fake it.

So, isn't this a little
late for you, Jake?

I'm in no rush to get home.

Wife started working again.

Oh. Here you go.

You want a straw?

Yeah, you know, Jake, you're not
the only guy whose wife went to work.

It's about the only way there is
to keep up with the cost of living.

Tell me about it.

Oh, I wish you'd
tell me about it.

Would you mind if I
asked you about inflation?

Would you mind if I
ripped out your spleen?

Thank you very
much. My pleasure.

Is that your beer? Mmm-hmm.

Drink it over there.

Oh, excuse me. Is
anybody sitting here?

Not that I can see.

Sit down. Take a load off.

Just thought maybe
you were with someone.

Not yet.

Drink your beer.

Look, Benson, I can't
even talk to people.

If I don't talk to people,
I won't be talking.

Can't fight logic.

I wouldn't mind
having another drink.

Would you mind if I
ask you a question?

Why not? I've heard 'em all.

What do you think of
wage and price controls?

Now she's heard 'em all.

Go on, Sylvia, tell
him what you think.

I couldn't care less.

I'm self-employed.

Yeah. She believes in
the free enterprise system.

But surely you must realize
that a freeze on wage and prices

would affect everybody.

You got great eyes.

Benson, I don't think
she understands.

I don't think you do.

Governor, if you want to
communicate with these people,

you've gotta learn to
speak their language.

Oh, you're right.
You're absolutely right.

What do you mean?

Here, I'll show you.

Hey, pal, that's for you.

Hey, thanks.

It's too bad it doesn't
buy anything anymore.

No kidding. Some nights it
don't even pay to open up.

Rough, huh?

And getting worse every day.

It was a lot easier to
make a living 10 years ago.

You're telling me.

Now, they got all these new small
business regulations and tax forms.

"Subtract inventory
depreciation from gross revenues.

"Attach Schedule A,
after consulting column 3."

I'm a bartender, not a CPA.

I'd like to help.

Good. Order another round.

No, I mean really help.

See, I'm the governor.

No kidding?

Well, I'm Henry Kissinger.

And may I introduce
the Queen of England?

How do you do?

It's nice to know you.

It's nice to know
you, too, Governor.

It's the beer. He's
not really the governor.

Hey, listen, if you
wanna be the governor,

that's just fine with me.

Whatever turns you on, okay?

Okay.

Hey, Wimpy.

Uh, Gene Gatling.

Nice to know you.

You bothering this lady?

Well, I don't think so.

Excuse me just a moment.

You see, I'm really
just humoring her.

She thinks she's the
Queen of England.

Henry.

Henry, uh, could you
get this fellow a beer?

I didn't catch your name.

Bulldog.

That's Indian, isn't it?

We had an Indian family
that lived right next door to us

all the time I was growing up.

They were nice people.
They cooked out a lot.

The girl married this
Jewish guy from up the block

and they had a boy,
Running Bear Feldman.

Listen, you creep,

you're making fun of my
name, I'll break you in half.

Hey, don't be
calling him a creep.

Now, just what do
you wanna do about it?

What am I gonna do about it?

I may just get the hell out of
here. What do you think of that?

I think I may just help you.

Is that a threat?

Yeah.

It worked.

Hey, hey, mister.

Mister, w-w-why don't
you sit down a minute, huh?

Some other time, pal.

Good. We don't want
any company anyway.

Wait a minute. Are you
gonna start that again?

What's the matter, ain't my
company good enough for you?

Don't mind him.

Just, uh, just sit down, sir.

Some other time.

Are you talking to me, sir?

No, I'm talking
to the other guy.

GOVERNOR: I couldn't
help overhearing.

Exactly what did you
mean when you said,

"They keep sticking it to us"?

Are you still here? Still here.

Look, if you're not out
of here in three seconds,

I'm gonna hit you
repeatedly over the head.

With him.

Hey, Bulldog.

Say, why don't you, uh, come on
over here and have another beer?

Yeah, don't you know who that
is, Bulldog? That's the governor.

Oh, yeah. I wish it
was the governor.

I'd give him a piece of my mind.

Well, that's fine,
because I'm the gov...

He's on the take, just like
all the rest of them bums.

Oh, well, now,
wait just a moment.

You see, that isn't true.

Are you calling me a liar?

He's not, but I am.

Oh, no.

Well, then, I guess, I'm just
gonna have to put the hurt on you.

Well, that's one hurting
I'm gonna have to take.

Somebody better hold me back.

I'm gonna tear this guy apart.

Uh, Bulldog, you got a minute?

No, I think I'm busy.

Uh, you might be busy
for the next 20 years

if you don't get over here.

Now, look, I know you're a little
slow in the reading department,

so I'm gonna make
this simple for you.

Look at this picture.

Now look at him.

Now look here. Now look at him.

Oh, so you're the governor, huh?

I told you.

Nice to meet you, Your Honor.

Nice to meet you.

I'm sorry about that. I
didn't mean to hurt you.

Nice to meet you, sir.

Hi, how are you?
What'll you have, sir?

It's on the house.

Speak for yourself.

Well, I... I think
I will try a beer.

Hi, how are you?

Listen, I'm so
glad to meet you all

because I want to talk
to you and to find out...

Well, what's going on?

You all were full of
ideas a minute ago.

The man wants to hear it.
Why don't you talk to him?

What good's it gonna do anyway?

All he's gonna
do is nod his head

and make a lot of promises.

But he's not gonna do anything.

See, none of these
guys ever do anything.

That's right, so we
might as well just shut up.

Did you hear what
he said, stupid?

I'm not deaf. I heard.

And don't call
me stupid, stupid.

Come on. The man wants
to hear what you think.

About him, about the government,

about your lives.

That's why he's been
asking questions.

All he's trying to do is run the
state the way you want him to.

I didn't ask him
to run anything.

I didn't even vote for him.

Well, who did you vote for?

(MUMBLING)

Well, that's what I thought.

He didn't vote for anybody.
It's too much trouble to vote.

But it's real easy to
sit in here and say,

"They ought to do this
and they ought to do that."

Well, they ought to.

Well, what are you
doing to change things?

If you really wanted to make a
difference, you'd stop complaining,

and talk to the man.

Well, I don't mind.

Go ahead.

Oh, no, I didn't come
in to make a speech.

I came in to listen to you.

See, my father
always said, "Gene..."

Uh, Governor.

Well, anyhow, I
have been listening.

Now, Bullfrog,
you made a good...

Dog, Governor. Bulldog.

Oh, right, right. Bulldog.
You made a good point there,

that some
politicians are corrupt.

Yeah. And what are
you doing about it?

All right. Let me ask you that.
What are you doing about it?

See, when you vote,
you hire the politician.

And if he doesn't
do the job you want,

you vote again, you fire him!

You can't just

tell your problems to Mr. Kissinger,
here, you got to tell them to me.

See, I can't do a good job
unless I know how you feel.

In other words,

get up off your bar
stools and get involved.

(ALL APPLAUDING)

Okay, so why don't you
tell him what's on your mind?

(ALL CHATTERING)

My God, Taylor, what
happened? Where are they?

Who knows? What
took you so long?

Taylor, I got here
in 15 minutes.

Do you know I've been trying
to reach you for three hours?

Uh, my phone was off the hook.

So you haven't heard a
word from either one of them?

If I had heard anything, I wouldn't
be here. I would be home in bed.

So would I.

How long have they been missing?

The gate guard saw
them drive out about 11:00.

So they went out
someplace together.

Taylor, why didn't you
just say that on the phone?

Marcy, what are you doing here?

I have no idea.

Sir, where have you been?

Out with the people,
Taylor. Getting to know them.

Almost too well.

See, we found
this quaint little bar.

You ought to go there
sometime, Taylor.

So, you've been
out on the town, huh?

Oh. It was really
quite an experience.

I consider it time well spent.

Well, good. I'm glad you
got it out of your system.

Oh, no, Taylor. No.

This is just the start.

You can't learn all that
much in a couple of hours.

You don't mean you're
going back there?

Not with me, he isn't.

Oh, maybe not
specifically that same bar.

But I'm going to keep trying to find
ways to stay in touch with the people.

(PHONE RINGING)

Do you want me to get that?

If you wouldn't mind.

Well, good night. I've got
to be at work in a few hours,

and I have a very strict boss.

Oh, well, he might be a little
late himself in the morning.

Hello? Just a minute.

Good night. Good night.

Governor, it's for
you. Oh, who is it?

The Queen of England.

Daddy's coming. What
are you gonna say?

Good morning?

No, I mean about
my... Oh, hi, Daddy.

Hi, sweetheart.

How's the best
daddy in the world?

How much trouble is she in?

None, yet.

Tell him you think it's okay.

You know, about
the slumber p-a-r-t-y.

I told you, it's not up to m-e.

What party?

Katie wants to ask some
friends to sleep over.

How many friends? A couple.

A couple? A few.

How many is that? Fourteen.

Fourteen?

Do not concern
yourself, Governor.

Benson will take
care of everything.

As long as you don't mind.

(MUMBLING) No, I don't mind.

But I'll need Kraus to help me.

Well, it's all right with me.

Good.

How about Saturday? Great.

Thank you, Daddy. Sure, honey.

Wait a minute.

Saturday is your night off!

(GASPING)

NARRATOR: Benson is videotaped

before a studio audience.