Being Human (2011–2014): Season 2, Episode 8 - I've Got You Under Your Skin - full transcript
The Reaper offers Sally a job, Josh and Julia face their past, and Aidan and Suren get rid of Boston's fringe vampires once and for all.
Previously on Being Human...
- Josh?
- Julia.
Julia the fiancée?
You ran away!
Believe me when I say
it was for the best.
Our relationship began because
you wanted to feel more human.
I don't think I do.
So you'd give up on us?
Aidan, I need my blood.
The orphans.
Your recommendation?
Mercy.
No, they'll be culled.
I've been seeing things lately,
something dark that
I let loose in my world.
- Reaper.
- There's an order.
I come to those that create
imbalance in that order,
and I get rid of them.
And now you're here for me.
I have to take someone.
Make your arrangements.
Goodbye.
Stop shaking, Sally.
Come on, let up!
He's not coming for you, OK?
Ocean breezes...
...Cabo...
Phew!
♪ Girls in white dresses ♪
Oh crap!
Even in the most
hopeless battle,
there is a moment
when the tide can turn.
The supplies make it through.
Reinforcements crest the hill.
This could seriously
take me a year to clean up.
Where there was
no possibility of rescue...
...a way presents itself.
What is wrong with you?
Do you have any idea
what it's like
to make peace with
being annihilated,
ready to kick it
and then have to wait?
What's it been?
Like, a week?
I feel like I'm an inmate
on supernatural death row!
I gotta say
I am not overflowing
with sympathy for you.
So this is what you do?
You radically mind-screw
ghosts before you reap them?
Classy.
I found a loophole for you.
There's one way you can stay.
Does it involved me
spending eternity
pushing a boulder up
a mountain or something?
What would you say
to an afterlife
of constant travel and
excitement, meeting new ghosts?
I've won a Carnival cruise?
You could take my job,
be Reaper.
It's either that,
or I shred you.
I'll come for
your answer tonight.
But when help finally
arrives, is it for you...
...or the enemy?
OK, Joshie, the fixer is here.
What?
Em?
No, no!
Aidan called me.
He told me how Nora dumped you
and you've been
calling in sick at work
and you've been holed up in
your room like a wounded animal.
God, it actually smells
like doghouse in here!
It does?
When was the last
time you showered?
Uh, what day is it?
Am I gonna see balls?
Oh!
I'm so glad you're here,
my beautiful baby sister.
I need someone who
is required to love me.
Holy mother!
You are way woe off
than I thought.
The Reaper shreds ghosts
who have thrown
the system out of whack.
And if I don't
take over his job,
he's gonna shred me.
OK, so, uh, first the Reaper
is a black fog that menaces you.
Then he materializes
to save you, shreds Danny,
but then he says he's
gonna kill you anyway.
And now he offers you his job.
You can take the sarcasm
out of your voice,
but yeah, that's basically it.
I think that this
Reaper is a poltergeist
with limited social skills
who's messing with you.
I saw him rip Danny
to confetti in front of me.
This ghost is a reaper.
You have to believe me.
OK. I'm sorry. I--
- Josh doesn't know
any of this.
So after your shift,
we will go out and
get properly obliterated.
We'll cry it out,
drink it out, throw it up.
You wanna come?
I do.
No.
Uh...
No, this is brother-sister
happy hour, OK?
We're gonna hang.
I can't anyway,
Emily, but thank you.
You have classes, don't you?
At this point,
it's statistically impossible
for me to pass,
plus I've got friends to see.
Bye, Aidan.
You think that I can do this,
kill other ghosts
just to save myself?
I can't answer that for you.
Really? 'Cause no offense,
you seem like the go-to guy
for this kind of thing.
Every monster
has his or her own
threshold for violence.
But I'll tell you one thing.
If I was gonna kill anyone,
it'd be the Reaper.
He wants to wipe you out,
you take him down first.
Holy crap!
OK.
Yeah.
I never even considered
that scenario.
The police found
2 bodies, exsanguinated,
with a constellation
of puncture wounds.
That's from one of
the fringe blood dens.
I'm already on it.
These orphans should've
been dust weeks ago.
Wilson was Bishop's
top man on the force.
He is doing an exemplary job
of taking over Cecilia's
responsibilities.
Let's hope it continues
and you don't end up
stranded in the forest
with both your arms
broken like Cecilia.
I'm sorry for your loss.
You're very charming
when you want to be.
Mother called.
She's planning
another trip to Boston,
see how the city's
been cleaned up.
I told her we executed
all the orphans.
You said what?
You lied to her?
What else was I suppose to say?
That we didn't carry out
a decree issued months ago
because you were out
cleaning up after your wolf?
We need a plan and
we need to stake every one
of those squalling,
little bastards today.
Please don't tell me
you're having 2nd thoughts.
No, no, no...
I need you.
Hey.
Hey.
Um, I'm looking for Henry.
50 bucks to get in.
What?
50 bucks gets you an official
invite to cross the threshold.
I, the human owner,
will invite you,
unless you wanna get crispy.
OK, you know what I am.
You're awful pale.
Henry don't have any other
kind of friends, so yeah.
Aidan!
I'll come out.
What, you trying to die today?
He's my oldest friend.
Where have you been?
I thought you abandoned us.
Suren's on the warpath.
Mother's coming back to Boston
to check that all the
orphans have been culled.
Suren and I have to hunt down
every last one of you.
Suren knows about me,
that I'm back?
Of course not.
Are you kidding?
You'd be dust already.
You said you'd make
this right for me.
I am. Put the word out,
get all the orphans you can
to meet here tonight.
Everyone who makes it here
will live, the others...
it'll be a massacre.
I think I found
a way to save you.
All of us?
Yes.
OK, I'll get them here.
What's the plan?
Hey.
- You're 2 hours early.
- Yeah, I know.
Thought you were
at the hospital.
I was. I was, but it
turns out that the place
where I met, wooed and
was first intimate with Nora
is just a huge reminder of
her and how I screwed up.
So there might as well
just be a mural of her face
painted along the hallways.
Are we under surveillance?
Um...
Hi, there.
Oh my god! Unbelievable!
You're trying to parent trap us?
Are you kidding me?
All I had planned was a pleasant
day of getting crap-faced twice.
Yes, once with Julia
and once with you.
Thank you for making sure
that Emily didn't have
to day-drink alone.
I can take it from here.
I'll take the next shift.
Actually, you're
the one interrupting.
I was having drinks
with my friend.
Who's my sister!
OK, no more pissing contests.
You're murdering my buzz.
Excuse me! Can I get
a shot of tequila, please?
For me and my friend.
Two shots...
just for this guy.
OK, wait. The last time
I saw you do shots,
you broke out in hives.
Let's hive it up.
Bring it.
Yeah, she's really hot.
Yeah, you gotta meet her.
Wait up.
Tell me you at least go
in there once in a while
and make omelettes
dance through the air.
Sally.
How are ya?
Stressed about Dylan.
What you did was save me.
Forget that sometimes.
So, uh, this is awkward.
Um, this sort of ghost, same
genus or subgenus, I don't know,
has been stalking me.
He's trying to
kill me, actually.
Holy hell!
I need to know
how to shred him.
And I can't believe I'm asking
you a how-to on ghost murder.
You just...
...plunge your hands in
and rip him apart.
Well, it can't be that easy.
First, you're ripping
a soul in half.
Second...
this ghost is special.
He's killed before.
That's what he does.
Look, Sally, you can't just
go up to someone and do this.
You know, I thought Dylan
was gonna shred me.
You know, I thought
I was gonna die
and if I didn't do something...
You know, like,
my instinct kicked in,
if there even is
a ghost instinct.
Kind of like when I cut Danny.
I wanted to hurt him,
and I did.
Look, even if this guys is
the Charles Manson of ghosts,
you're taking someone's life
in your hands, their energy,
and you're snuffing it
out forever.
If I can even do it.
OK, maybe it's
better you can't!
Shredding makes
you dark, Sally.
The only friends I had
are afraid of me.
Boner doesn't wanna
hang out anymore, you...
You only come around when
you need a kill tutorial.
It's him or me, Stevie.
Just make sure you're ready
to ring that bell,
because you can't
un-ring it.
So, you and Nora busted up.
You told her th--
Of course you told her.
Oh, it wasn't a secret,
which I wouldn't have
been able to keep anyway.
And since when are
you two drinking buddies?
Since we downed a few
dozen bottles of Cuervo
after you dumped
our asses 3 years ago.
Crap! This just got serious,
but it's good.
You guys gotta work it out,
like poison. Mmm-mmm-mmm!
Where are you going?
When the shrapnel
starts flying,
I don't wanna be
collateral damage.
Sally?
You have an answer for me?
The day's running out.
I haven't even touched my quota.
I'll kill you!
You first!
So, go ahead, twist the knife.
Just waiting for me
to ruin things with Nora.
You predicted it.
I've learned in the last
couple of years
not to ask people
why they broke up.
They're already hurting,
so why not leave them
with a little
fig leaf of dignity.
Thank you.
Besides, you already
look miserable.
And I never imagined you would
be mopping up human waste
for a living.
There it is!
Even in my most spectacular
revenge scenarios!
The professional jabs.
I was waiting for this.
Some pretty
low-hanging fruit.
Very low.
You know what else is?
Sleeping with my roommate.
I did not know
he was your roommate.
- Very low.
- We gotta boogie!
I just licked some girl.
- What?
- Licked? With your tongue?
It's a flirty move I bust out.
Normally, it's cute.
Her boyfriend didn't think so.
Licking strangers.
This is-- This is
a new one for me.
- That's new, licking people.
- Hang on!
- That's disgusting.
- Slow down, drunk girl.
Well, that was real.
You seriously thought
that amateur hack job
would work on me?
You thought you could
make me go away?
You thought you
were equal to me?
Please! Please, I know
you want to spare me.
You said it. You said it
yourself that I'm special,
that I'm not like those other
crazy ghosts that you reap.
Please!
Just answer me one
question, Sally. How was it?
What?
How did it feel shredding me?
Like a rush!
Thrilling,
like a rollercoaster
ripping you apart.
That's what it
feels like to reap,
like cutting out some
putrefying wound from the world,
saving other ghosts.
So, what? It's a
good thing what I felt?
It's a good thing that I tried
to kill you and I liked it?
Being the Reaper is not
like being a murderer, Sally.
A reaper is a force of nature,
a hurricane, a forest fire.
Just think how crowded and
stinking the Earth would be
if nobody died.
Afterlife's the same way.
But it's gotta take its toll.
Everyday, I knew exactly what
to do, why I was doing it
and I knew that
it was necessary.
I kept the balance
and I have never felt so
powerful or fulfilled,
even when I was alive.
Have you?
I--I didn't even
get a chance to try.
Who feels powerful
and fulfilled at 23?
Well, here's your chance.
I can take you...
or you can take over.
This whole time
I've been dead...
I've been desperate
for a purpose.
I've tried
possessing, haunting...
a boyfriend.
Maybe I can do this...
be a reaper.
Let's get your
training wheels on.
OK, so you got them all here?
Yeah, and do me a favour
and tread lightly, OK?
To most of them, you represent
the big, bad Mother and Suren.
Listen, I know you're scared,
and that you have been hunted
and that you feel betrayed.
I can't change the way that
you were brought into this world
or make good on the promises
that you've been given,
but I can get you out.
I have a friend in Baltimore
who is willing to take you in,
and he will set you up
with the professions
that you were
forced to leave behind.
There's blood dens
so you won't starve.
And the best thing of all
is there's no vampire authority
in that city, so no politics.
Mother and Suren
will not hunt you there.
Wait a minute.
Baltimore?
We're all expected to
just pull up and leave?
Aiden's offering you
your lives.
I've lived here for 30 years.
Boston's my home.
Listen, I know
this is difficult.
But if you stay,
Boston will be nothing more
than a resting place
for your ashes.
Hey! Somebody gonna
tell me what's going on?
Sorry we're late.
Guy was making a killing
inviting vampires
across the threshold.
What the hell is this?
I don't know you.
No, I haven't had a chance
to pay for your hospitality yet.
I've never been anything
but a friend to you people.
Relax, Mr. Doris.
Open up the bag.
It'll feel like Christmas.
That's $200,000.
I wanna buy your house.
What are you doing?
You putting up condos?
Mr. Doris, I need an answer
in 3 minutes.
All those vampires
in your house,
we need to uninvite them.
Aw, come on!
They're screwing us here!
They're dumping us off
like we're garbage.
I'm sorry. What?
Listen to me.
Aidan is trying to help us.
I'm the only reason
you're still alive right now.
My lawyer's already
drawn up the deed.
Aidan, I'll go.
What other choices do
we have, right? Come on.
We stay here and
we're all dead.
Now, Mr. Doris,
sign it.
The vans will come
at midnight to take those
who want to leave
to Baltimore. Talk it over.
They still have questions.
I don't have time.
They're on board or they're not.
That's not your name.
Technicality. The house
needs to be held
by someone with a heartbeat.
I'll go to Baltimore with you
for as long as it takes
to set you up there.
OK?
Where would we stay exactly?
Who is this friend of yours?
Will we all be together?
It'll be taken care of
in Baltimore.
Henry, let them decide.
Terry, all it needs
is your signature.
And once we have that,
they're uninvited.
You've gotta convince all
of them! Don't give up on them!
Nobody is more stupid
and undeserving than me
and you didn't give up on me.
Take it outside!
Come on!
What? What's wrong
with you?
We have to get out
of here now! It's OK.
What's happening?
Get out of the way! Go!
Go, go, go! Come on!
Joe!
No, don't!
You were invited.
You were invited!
Let them go.
What did you do?
You played me!
It was the only way. I told
Suren you'd deliver the orphans
and in exchange,
she'd spare you.
All those people?
What kind of monster are you?
I'm the kind of monster
who chose his own son
over a bunch of vampires
whose sentence was meted
out a long time ago.
I didn't play you, Henry.
I saved you.
There was nothing
we could do for them.
There was a noose around
every one of their necks.
At least this way
you get to live,
and now you can go
anywhere you want,
do whatever you want.
No one's gonna be
gunning for you.
I told you I'm not
running anymore.
I wanna stay in Boston.
That's why I came back
in the first place.
No.
To help you lead it.
No. I'd have to bring
you in front of Suren,
I'd have to present
you face to face.
And the last time
that she saw you...
I don't know if
you get it, Henry.
She was so much more than
just screwing some girl.
Come on!
OK, let's get the lovely
drunken lady in here.
You have a guest room?
- I can walk, you know.
- Keep her head up.
We tried that and you fell,
remember? Here, prop up.
Trash can.
Ibuprofen's better.
It'll irritates
the gastro lining.
Remember she had that ulcer?
- What are you doing?
- No, no!
Are you trying
to O.D. on that?
Can't O.D. on aspirin.
Actually, you can.
She didn't take enough.
What?
This is just exactly
how Em's prom ended,
with us talking her
drunk butt into bed.
And I think I was the one
who gave her the aspirin.
And I put the
trash can by the bed.
Now it's your turn, Sally.
Is this a joke?
You brought me here
to reap Stevie?
No way. I'm not gonna
ax-murder Stevie.
He's shredding ghosts.
That's something
only a reaper can do.
He was defending himself.
He was defending me from
a ghost who was possessing,
who tried to rape me.
Stevie's-- He's the
sweetest soul I know!
Sally, you think
that was the only time?
You know how good it feels to
shred. You felt it firsthand.
Stevie can't stop.
No, he feels terrible.
He's totally tortured. All his
friends deserted him, and no!
He shredded them, Sally!
Dylan, Boner.
Stevie lied to you.
Now he's stalking the guy who
tormented him in high school,
just waiting for him to die.
You mean Van?
Stevie told you the first
killing, it made him dark.
How do you know
what Stevie told me?
You don't get it, do you?
I know so much more
than you think I know.
I can--
I can fix him.
I can fix Stevie.
I could turn him around.
There's so many sicker ghosts
out there that we can reap.
That's not who you are anymore.
You still think you're
that person you were
when you were alive?
Warm and bubbly Sally Malik
who stays up late giving
her friends hugs and advice?
You slashed Danny.
You possessed a woman
and scrambled her brains.
You tried to take over a
premature baby to save yourself.
Yeah, but I didn't, and that's
why you didn't reap me,
because I'm not evil.
Of course you're not.
I picked you because
you'd be good at this.
You know the dark.
You've experienced it.
You can judge it.
And after what happened
to you, your murder,
you couldn't have
turned out any other way.
You're destined to be a reaper.
I ca-- I can't
reap Stevie.
This is the job, Sally.
If you don't reap him, I will.
Holy! Is this a real Eames?
You're the only guy I know
that can get excited
about a chair.
This is a very guy chair.
This is a serious score, Julia!
I forget how intimate it is
being in someone's house.
It's weird. I never
imagined I'd be here.
What's weird is that
we used to be intimate
and now we're not,
so we're reduced to making
small talk about chairs,
when really what
we're thinking is:
"I used to sleep
with this person.
"I was gonna marry
this person."
You want me to go?
That would be
the smart thing to do.
I know I have no right
to say this,
and it's gonna sound
condescending and enraging
and it may result
in you hitting me again,
but I've known you
since you were 17,
what a train wreck
your family is,
and what it took you
just to get through college,
and everything after...
us.
And I'm so proud of you.
You're amazing. You accomplished
everything you said you would.
Well, um, since
we're being honest...
and dumb...
A while back you asked me...
why I came to Boston.
I came to find you.
Henry, we have to leave!
I always imagined if
I ever saw you again,
I'd be plunging a
stake in your heart.
To be honest, that's how
I thought I'd die too.
So here's your chance.
If you can't
accept me, then end it.
Henry delivered the orphans
to us like I said he would.
You're a useful little
turncoat, aren't you?
But you're like a weathervane,
spinning, spinning whichever way
the prevailing wind blows.
I know you won't believe it,
but I am changed.
You really want
him at your side?
Yes.
I'll never forgive
you for this!
If you wanna buy your way
back into this court,
Mother and I are going to
need a token of your penance.
For the massacre in this hotel,
I was put to ground
for 80 years.
And you just turned
tail and ran.
For your part in causing it
and for organizing the orphans,
Mother's gonna want
her pound of flesh.
And for what you did to me,
I'm gonna need a little more.
When Emily told me
where you were working,
I interviewed for
the hell of it
to see if I'd run into you.
I didn't.
And then when I took the job,
I told myself it was because
I wanted to be in Boston.
I couldn't admit to myself
that what I really
wanted was to see you...
hear from you why you left.
And I know I just
make myself sound
like some kind of crazy stalker,
but I am beyond caring.
The night Stu died,
when I was mauled,
the attack changed me.
I cracked up after that.
I felt set apart from everyone,
like I watching other normal
people go on with their lives.
Survivor guilt is not
what drove you away.
- Yes.
- Just tell me the truth!
I am telling you
the truth, Julia.
You're not. Or what?
You didn't have the guts
to call off the wedding
so you ran away.
No! That wasn't
what it was!
Then what was it?
Was it something else?
Someone else?
Fine! You wanna know
the real reason I left?
Yes!
A month after the attack,
I found out that
I was a monster.
If I had stayed, this is
what would've happened:
I would've lied to you to
get you to stay with me,
I would've infected you with
my violence and my rage
and I would've dragged
you down with me!
And then one day,
I would've killed you
or I would've hurt you so bad,
that you ran away from me,
from your friends,
from your life,
from everyone who loves you!
I'm so--
I'm so sorry.
Are you OK?
You know what, though?
The most screwed-up part
about being here with you...
...is that I'm relieved.
This feels almost normal...
confiding in you
like we used to.
I'm gonna--
I'm gonna go.
I know just
the punishment, Henry.
My father's people,
the Mongols,
love their animals:
horses, sheep, goats.
They knew how
to skin almost anything.
And when it was necessary
to torture their enemies...
they would flay his skin
whole, in one piece,
while he was alive, of course,
like peeling a shrimp.
This kind of skinning
was considered an art.
You've gotta be kidding me.
This is completely personal.
I didn't say
I wouldn't enjoy it.
Of course, a vampire
wouldn't die from this.
Your skin will grow back.
OK. All right. Enough.
No more horror stories.
He asked the price,
and there it is.
- You really wanna come back?
- Of course I do.
Then it's your choice.
This will placate
her and Mother.
Henry, I'm sorry.
I tried to tell you
80 years ago.
There's a price to pay for
screwing around with the royal.
Suren, any fear that Mother has
that you are sentimental...
...or weak,
this will show her
that you're fit to rule.
But...
I love how simple it is.
The blade's so thin
and razor-sharp,
so it doesn't tear the skin.
You just remember one thing.
Henry is my blood.
And he had better be alive
when I come back for him.
Don't, please!
Please kill me!
I tried to talk him out
of it, but he wants to take you.
You just have to stop killing!
We just have to convince
him that you stopped.
I don't know! All I did
was save you from Dylan!
We know about Boner. And Van?
You're stalking him now?
- You're following me?
- No, I told you!
That's what the Reaper does!
He knows what we've done.
I haven't done
anything! I mean, yes.
I played a few tricks on Van,
but Boner, he's still here!
Where? Where is he?
I don't know!
I told you he went away.
Stevie, I know what it
feels like to kill.
I know how good it feels.
I don't know what
you're talking about!
I'm trying to save you.
You're unbalanced!
- I'm unbalanced?
- Yes!
You passed up your door
and you possess!
I tried to stop you,
all 3 of you. Dylan, Boner.
You guys don't listen!
I know Dylan was a mistake,
but Boner and Van--
- Stop talking about Boner!
Look, I'm happy he's gone!
He can't judge me anymore!
And Van! You know what
a monster he is?
I'm not sorry for haunting him.
Maybe if he dies,
I will shred him!
Oh, Stevie.
I don't think I can
help you anymore.
I don't need
your help! You're crazy!
You're almost there.
You'll reap your
first soul tomorrow.
How is it that
you look so fresh?
I find a good puke
purges the pores.
Ah!
Trouble is, you keep
all your alcohol inside.
Got it.
Hey...
Thank you for the intervention.
Whatever happens with Nora, at
least Julia and I won't have to
hiss at each other in
the hallway anymore.
Yeah, about that.
I may have passed
out last night,
but I was still
perceptive enough
to pick up on those sparks.
You didn't bang her,
did you, Josh?
No.
Well, that was your
one and only chance
at the drunken, angry,
depressed, revenge screw.
You're right.
Now you two definitely
can't sleep together.
It'd be too conscious.
I would never...
...get involved
with Julia again.
Uh-huh? Wow. Yeah,
you didn't even try
to make that convincing.
No, it's not even her.
It's what I used to be.
Normal, successful, settled.
Well, what's normal?
All that crap's
overrated, Josh.
No. Actually, it's quite
appropriately rated.
People think they want to
be edgy and rebellious,
but really all they want is
a cozy house to come home to
and someone who loves them.
What is this?
Prairie Home Companion?
Julia is safe from me.
Good, 'cause nobody deserves
to be destroyed
twice in one lifetime.
Uh...
Hmm!
Thank you.
Anytime.
No, for real.
Yep.
♪ Honey, how will you know
if you found me ♪
♪ At long last?♪
♪ How can I meet you ♪
♪ With my heart
stuck in this cast? ♪
♪ God bless us all ♪
♪ We don't know a thing ♪
♪ God rest our souls ♪
You're still here.
♪ I pray that we can sing ♪
Still here.
Just kickin' it.
And the Reaper?
♪ Your wilderness ♪
He's not a problem anymore.
♪ It comes tumbling
through my veins ♪
♪ Light a candle 'cause
I'm sure to lose my way... ♪
Did you, uh...
I don't wanna talk about it.
But no.
♪ Patience's thin
It's harder to let you in ♪
What did you...
♪ Hold on ♪
...learn about yourself?
♪ Let go ♪
♪ All I know
is all about love ♪
I'm still learning.
♪ Hold on ♪
♪ Hold on ♪
♪ Hold on ♪
♪ It's always love ♪
♪ It's such a shame
about that flood ♪
Me too.
- Josh?
- Julia.
Julia the fiancée?
You ran away!
Believe me when I say
it was for the best.
Our relationship began because
you wanted to feel more human.
I don't think I do.
So you'd give up on us?
Aidan, I need my blood.
The orphans.
Your recommendation?
Mercy.
No, they'll be culled.
I've been seeing things lately,
something dark that
I let loose in my world.
- Reaper.
- There's an order.
I come to those that create
imbalance in that order,
and I get rid of them.
And now you're here for me.
I have to take someone.
Make your arrangements.
Goodbye.
Stop shaking, Sally.
Come on, let up!
He's not coming for you, OK?
Ocean breezes...
...Cabo...
Phew!
♪ Girls in white dresses ♪
Oh crap!
Even in the most
hopeless battle,
there is a moment
when the tide can turn.
The supplies make it through.
Reinforcements crest the hill.
This could seriously
take me a year to clean up.
Where there was
no possibility of rescue...
...a way presents itself.
What is wrong with you?
Do you have any idea
what it's like
to make peace with
being annihilated,
ready to kick it
and then have to wait?
What's it been?
Like, a week?
I feel like I'm an inmate
on supernatural death row!
I gotta say
I am not overflowing
with sympathy for you.
So this is what you do?
You radically mind-screw
ghosts before you reap them?
Classy.
I found a loophole for you.
There's one way you can stay.
Does it involved me
spending eternity
pushing a boulder up
a mountain or something?
What would you say
to an afterlife
of constant travel and
excitement, meeting new ghosts?
I've won a Carnival cruise?
You could take my job,
be Reaper.
It's either that,
or I shred you.
I'll come for
your answer tonight.
But when help finally
arrives, is it for you...
...or the enemy?
OK, Joshie, the fixer is here.
What?
Em?
No, no!
Aidan called me.
He told me how Nora dumped you
and you've been
calling in sick at work
and you've been holed up in
your room like a wounded animal.
God, it actually smells
like doghouse in here!
It does?
When was the last
time you showered?
Uh, what day is it?
Am I gonna see balls?
Oh!
I'm so glad you're here,
my beautiful baby sister.
I need someone who
is required to love me.
Holy mother!
You are way woe off
than I thought.
The Reaper shreds ghosts
who have thrown
the system out of whack.
And if I don't
take over his job,
he's gonna shred me.
OK, so, uh, first the Reaper
is a black fog that menaces you.
Then he materializes
to save you, shreds Danny,
but then he says he's
gonna kill you anyway.
And now he offers you his job.
You can take the sarcasm
out of your voice,
but yeah, that's basically it.
I think that this
Reaper is a poltergeist
with limited social skills
who's messing with you.
I saw him rip Danny
to confetti in front of me.
This ghost is a reaper.
You have to believe me.
OK. I'm sorry. I--
- Josh doesn't know
any of this.
So after your shift,
we will go out and
get properly obliterated.
We'll cry it out,
drink it out, throw it up.
You wanna come?
I do.
No.
Uh...
No, this is brother-sister
happy hour, OK?
We're gonna hang.
I can't anyway,
Emily, but thank you.
You have classes, don't you?
At this point,
it's statistically impossible
for me to pass,
plus I've got friends to see.
Bye, Aidan.
You think that I can do this,
kill other ghosts
just to save myself?
I can't answer that for you.
Really? 'Cause no offense,
you seem like the go-to guy
for this kind of thing.
Every monster
has his or her own
threshold for violence.
But I'll tell you one thing.
If I was gonna kill anyone,
it'd be the Reaper.
He wants to wipe you out,
you take him down first.
Holy crap!
OK.
Yeah.
I never even considered
that scenario.
The police found
2 bodies, exsanguinated,
with a constellation
of puncture wounds.
That's from one of
the fringe blood dens.
I'm already on it.
These orphans should've
been dust weeks ago.
Wilson was Bishop's
top man on the force.
He is doing an exemplary job
of taking over Cecilia's
responsibilities.
Let's hope it continues
and you don't end up
stranded in the forest
with both your arms
broken like Cecilia.
I'm sorry for your loss.
You're very charming
when you want to be.
Mother called.
She's planning
another trip to Boston,
see how the city's
been cleaned up.
I told her we executed
all the orphans.
You said what?
You lied to her?
What else was I suppose to say?
That we didn't carry out
a decree issued months ago
because you were out
cleaning up after your wolf?
We need a plan and
we need to stake every one
of those squalling,
little bastards today.
Please don't tell me
you're having 2nd thoughts.
No, no, no...
I need you.
Hey.
Hey.
Um, I'm looking for Henry.
50 bucks to get in.
What?
50 bucks gets you an official
invite to cross the threshold.
I, the human owner,
will invite you,
unless you wanna get crispy.
OK, you know what I am.
You're awful pale.
Henry don't have any other
kind of friends, so yeah.
Aidan!
I'll come out.
What, you trying to die today?
He's my oldest friend.
Where have you been?
I thought you abandoned us.
Suren's on the warpath.
Mother's coming back to Boston
to check that all the
orphans have been culled.
Suren and I have to hunt down
every last one of you.
Suren knows about me,
that I'm back?
Of course not.
Are you kidding?
You'd be dust already.
You said you'd make
this right for me.
I am. Put the word out,
get all the orphans you can
to meet here tonight.
Everyone who makes it here
will live, the others...
it'll be a massacre.
I think I found
a way to save you.
All of us?
Yes.
OK, I'll get them here.
What's the plan?
Hey.
- You're 2 hours early.
- Yeah, I know.
Thought you were
at the hospital.
I was. I was, but it
turns out that the place
where I met, wooed and
was first intimate with Nora
is just a huge reminder of
her and how I screwed up.
So there might as well
just be a mural of her face
painted along the hallways.
Are we under surveillance?
Um...
Hi, there.
Oh my god! Unbelievable!
You're trying to parent trap us?
Are you kidding me?
All I had planned was a pleasant
day of getting crap-faced twice.
Yes, once with Julia
and once with you.
Thank you for making sure
that Emily didn't have
to day-drink alone.
I can take it from here.
I'll take the next shift.
Actually, you're
the one interrupting.
I was having drinks
with my friend.
Who's my sister!
OK, no more pissing contests.
You're murdering my buzz.
Excuse me! Can I get
a shot of tequila, please?
For me and my friend.
Two shots...
just for this guy.
OK, wait. The last time
I saw you do shots,
you broke out in hives.
Let's hive it up.
Bring it.
Yeah, she's really hot.
Yeah, you gotta meet her.
Wait up.
Tell me you at least go
in there once in a while
and make omelettes
dance through the air.
Sally.
How are ya?
Stressed about Dylan.
What you did was save me.
Forget that sometimes.
So, uh, this is awkward.
Um, this sort of ghost, same
genus or subgenus, I don't know,
has been stalking me.
He's trying to
kill me, actually.
Holy hell!
I need to know
how to shred him.
And I can't believe I'm asking
you a how-to on ghost murder.
You just...
...plunge your hands in
and rip him apart.
Well, it can't be that easy.
First, you're ripping
a soul in half.
Second...
this ghost is special.
He's killed before.
That's what he does.
Look, Sally, you can't just
go up to someone and do this.
You know, I thought Dylan
was gonna shred me.
You know, I thought
I was gonna die
and if I didn't do something...
You know, like,
my instinct kicked in,
if there even is
a ghost instinct.
Kind of like when I cut Danny.
I wanted to hurt him,
and I did.
Look, even if this guys is
the Charles Manson of ghosts,
you're taking someone's life
in your hands, their energy,
and you're snuffing it
out forever.
If I can even do it.
OK, maybe it's
better you can't!
Shredding makes
you dark, Sally.
The only friends I had
are afraid of me.
Boner doesn't wanna
hang out anymore, you...
You only come around when
you need a kill tutorial.
It's him or me, Stevie.
Just make sure you're ready
to ring that bell,
because you can't
un-ring it.
So, you and Nora busted up.
You told her th--
Of course you told her.
Oh, it wasn't a secret,
which I wouldn't have
been able to keep anyway.
And since when are
you two drinking buddies?
Since we downed a few
dozen bottles of Cuervo
after you dumped
our asses 3 years ago.
Crap! This just got serious,
but it's good.
You guys gotta work it out,
like poison. Mmm-mmm-mmm!
Where are you going?
When the shrapnel
starts flying,
I don't wanna be
collateral damage.
Sally?
You have an answer for me?
The day's running out.
I haven't even touched my quota.
I'll kill you!
You first!
So, go ahead, twist the knife.
Just waiting for me
to ruin things with Nora.
You predicted it.
I've learned in the last
couple of years
not to ask people
why they broke up.
They're already hurting,
so why not leave them
with a little
fig leaf of dignity.
Thank you.
Besides, you already
look miserable.
And I never imagined you would
be mopping up human waste
for a living.
There it is!
Even in my most spectacular
revenge scenarios!
The professional jabs.
I was waiting for this.
Some pretty
low-hanging fruit.
Very low.
You know what else is?
Sleeping with my roommate.
I did not know
he was your roommate.
- Very low.
- We gotta boogie!
I just licked some girl.
- What?
- Licked? With your tongue?
It's a flirty move I bust out.
Normally, it's cute.
Her boyfriend didn't think so.
Licking strangers.
This is-- This is
a new one for me.
- That's new, licking people.
- Hang on!
- That's disgusting.
- Slow down, drunk girl.
Well, that was real.
You seriously thought
that amateur hack job
would work on me?
You thought you could
make me go away?
You thought you
were equal to me?
Please! Please, I know
you want to spare me.
You said it. You said it
yourself that I'm special,
that I'm not like those other
crazy ghosts that you reap.
Please!
Just answer me one
question, Sally. How was it?
What?
How did it feel shredding me?
Like a rush!
Thrilling,
like a rollercoaster
ripping you apart.
That's what it
feels like to reap,
like cutting out some
putrefying wound from the world,
saving other ghosts.
So, what? It's a
good thing what I felt?
It's a good thing that I tried
to kill you and I liked it?
Being the Reaper is not
like being a murderer, Sally.
A reaper is a force of nature,
a hurricane, a forest fire.
Just think how crowded and
stinking the Earth would be
if nobody died.
Afterlife's the same way.
But it's gotta take its toll.
Everyday, I knew exactly what
to do, why I was doing it
and I knew that
it was necessary.
I kept the balance
and I have never felt so
powerful or fulfilled,
even when I was alive.
Have you?
I--I didn't even
get a chance to try.
Who feels powerful
and fulfilled at 23?
Well, here's your chance.
I can take you...
or you can take over.
This whole time
I've been dead...
I've been desperate
for a purpose.
I've tried
possessing, haunting...
a boyfriend.
Maybe I can do this...
be a reaper.
Let's get your
training wheels on.
OK, so you got them all here?
Yeah, and do me a favour
and tread lightly, OK?
To most of them, you represent
the big, bad Mother and Suren.
Listen, I know you're scared,
and that you have been hunted
and that you feel betrayed.
I can't change the way that
you were brought into this world
or make good on the promises
that you've been given,
but I can get you out.
I have a friend in Baltimore
who is willing to take you in,
and he will set you up
with the professions
that you were
forced to leave behind.
There's blood dens
so you won't starve.
And the best thing of all
is there's no vampire authority
in that city, so no politics.
Mother and Suren
will not hunt you there.
Wait a minute.
Baltimore?
We're all expected to
just pull up and leave?
Aiden's offering you
your lives.
I've lived here for 30 years.
Boston's my home.
Listen, I know
this is difficult.
But if you stay,
Boston will be nothing more
than a resting place
for your ashes.
Hey! Somebody gonna
tell me what's going on?
Sorry we're late.
Guy was making a killing
inviting vampires
across the threshold.
What the hell is this?
I don't know you.
No, I haven't had a chance
to pay for your hospitality yet.
I've never been anything
but a friend to you people.
Relax, Mr. Doris.
Open up the bag.
It'll feel like Christmas.
That's $200,000.
I wanna buy your house.
What are you doing?
You putting up condos?
Mr. Doris, I need an answer
in 3 minutes.
All those vampires
in your house,
we need to uninvite them.
Aw, come on!
They're screwing us here!
They're dumping us off
like we're garbage.
I'm sorry. What?
Listen to me.
Aidan is trying to help us.
I'm the only reason
you're still alive right now.
My lawyer's already
drawn up the deed.
Aidan, I'll go.
What other choices do
we have, right? Come on.
We stay here and
we're all dead.
Now, Mr. Doris,
sign it.
The vans will come
at midnight to take those
who want to leave
to Baltimore. Talk it over.
They still have questions.
I don't have time.
They're on board or they're not.
That's not your name.
Technicality. The house
needs to be held
by someone with a heartbeat.
I'll go to Baltimore with you
for as long as it takes
to set you up there.
OK?
Where would we stay exactly?
Who is this friend of yours?
Will we all be together?
It'll be taken care of
in Baltimore.
Henry, let them decide.
Terry, all it needs
is your signature.
And once we have that,
they're uninvited.
You've gotta convince all
of them! Don't give up on them!
Nobody is more stupid
and undeserving than me
and you didn't give up on me.
Take it outside!
Come on!
What? What's wrong
with you?
We have to get out
of here now! It's OK.
What's happening?
Get out of the way! Go!
Go, go, go! Come on!
Joe!
No, don't!
You were invited.
You were invited!
Let them go.
What did you do?
You played me!
It was the only way. I told
Suren you'd deliver the orphans
and in exchange,
she'd spare you.
All those people?
What kind of monster are you?
I'm the kind of monster
who chose his own son
over a bunch of vampires
whose sentence was meted
out a long time ago.
I didn't play you, Henry.
I saved you.
There was nothing
we could do for them.
There was a noose around
every one of their necks.
At least this way
you get to live,
and now you can go
anywhere you want,
do whatever you want.
No one's gonna be
gunning for you.
I told you I'm not
running anymore.
I wanna stay in Boston.
That's why I came back
in the first place.
No.
To help you lead it.
No. I'd have to bring
you in front of Suren,
I'd have to present
you face to face.
And the last time
that she saw you...
I don't know if
you get it, Henry.
She was so much more than
just screwing some girl.
Come on!
OK, let's get the lovely
drunken lady in here.
You have a guest room?
- I can walk, you know.
- Keep her head up.
We tried that and you fell,
remember? Here, prop up.
Trash can.
Ibuprofen's better.
It'll irritates
the gastro lining.
Remember she had that ulcer?
- What are you doing?
- No, no!
Are you trying
to O.D. on that?
Can't O.D. on aspirin.
Actually, you can.
She didn't take enough.
What?
This is just exactly
how Em's prom ended,
with us talking her
drunk butt into bed.
And I think I was the one
who gave her the aspirin.
And I put the
trash can by the bed.
Now it's your turn, Sally.
Is this a joke?
You brought me here
to reap Stevie?
No way. I'm not gonna
ax-murder Stevie.
He's shredding ghosts.
That's something
only a reaper can do.
He was defending himself.
He was defending me from
a ghost who was possessing,
who tried to rape me.
Stevie's-- He's the
sweetest soul I know!
Sally, you think
that was the only time?
You know how good it feels to
shred. You felt it firsthand.
Stevie can't stop.
No, he feels terrible.
He's totally tortured. All his
friends deserted him, and no!
He shredded them, Sally!
Dylan, Boner.
Stevie lied to you.
Now he's stalking the guy who
tormented him in high school,
just waiting for him to die.
You mean Van?
Stevie told you the first
killing, it made him dark.
How do you know
what Stevie told me?
You don't get it, do you?
I know so much more
than you think I know.
I can--
I can fix him.
I can fix Stevie.
I could turn him around.
There's so many sicker ghosts
out there that we can reap.
That's not who you are anymore.
You still think you're
that person you were
when you were alive?
Warm and bubbly Sally Malik
who stays up late giving
her friends hugs and advice?
You slashed Danny.
You possessed a woman
and scrambled her brains.
You tried to take over a
premature baby to save yourself.
Yeah, but I didn't, and that's
why you didn't reap me,
because I'm not evil.
Of course you're not.
I picked you because
you'd be good at this.
You know the dark.
You've experienced it.
You can judge it.
And after what happened
to you, your murder,
you couldn't have
turned out any other way.
You're destined to be a reaper.
I ca-- I can't
reap Stevie.
This is the job, Sally.
If you don't reap him, I will.
Holy! Is this a real Eames?
You're the only guy I know
that can get excited
about a chair.
This is a very guy chair.
This is a serious score, Julia!
I forget how intimate it is
being in someone's house.
It's weird. I never
imagined I'd be here.
What's weird is that
we used to be intimate
and now we're not,
so we're reduced to making
small talk about chairs,
when really what
we're thinking is:
"I used to sleep
with this person.
"I was gonna marry
this person."
You want me to go?
That would be
the smart thing to do.
I know I have no right
to say this,
and it's gonna sound
condescending and enraging
and it may result
in you hitting me again,
but I've known you
since you were 17,
what a train wreck
your family is,
and what it took you
just to get through college,
and everything after...
us.
And I'm so proud of you.
You're amazing. You accomplished
everything you said you would.
Well, um, since
we're being honest...
and dumb...
A while back you asked me...
why I came to Boston.
I came to find you.
Henry, we have to leave!
I always imagined if
I ever saw you again,
I'd be plunging a
stake in your heart.
To be honest, that's how
I thought I'd die too.
So here's your chance.
If you can't
accept me, then end it.
Henry delivered the orphans
to us like I said he would.
You're a useful little
turncoat, aren't you?
But you're like a weathervane,
spinning, spinning whichever way
the prevailing wind blows.
I know you won't believe it,
but I am changed.
You really want
him at your side?
Yes.
I'll never forgive
you for this!
If you wanna buy your way
back into this court,
Mother and I are going to
need a token of your penance.
For the massacre in this hotel,
I was put to ground
for 80 years.
And you just turned
tail and ran.
For your part in causing it
and for organizing the orphans,
Mother's gonna want
her pound of flesh.
And for what you did to me,
I'm gonna need a little more.
When Emily told me
where you were working,
I interviewed for
the hell of it
to see if I'd run into you.
I didn't.
And then when I took the job,
I told myself it was because
I wanted to be in Boston.
I couldn't admit to myself
that what I really
wanted was to see you...
hear from you why you left.
And I know I just
make myself sound
like some kind of crazy stalker,
but I am beyond caring.
The night Stu died,
when I was mauled,
the attack changed me.
I cracked up after that.
I felt set apart from everyone,
like I watching other normal
people go on with their lives.
Survivor guilt is not
what drove you away.
- Yes.
- Just tell me the truth!
I am telling you
the truth, Julia.
You're not. Or what?
You didn't have the guts
to call off the wedding
so you ran away.
No! That wasn't
what it was!
Then what was it?
Was it something else?
Someone else?
Fine! You wanna know
the real reason I left?
Yes!
A month after the attack,
I found out that
I was a monster.
If I had stayed, this is
what would've happened:
I would've lied to you to
get you to stay with me,
I would've infected you with
my violence and my rage
and I would've dragged
you down with me!
And then one day,
I would've killed you
or I would've hurt you so bad,
that you ran away from me,
from your friends,
from your life,
from everyone who loves you!
I'm so--
I'm so sorry.
Are you OK?
You know what, though?
The most screwed-up part
about being here with you...
...is that I'm relieved.
This feels almost normal...
confiding in you
like we used to.
I'm gonna--
I'm gonna go.
I know just
the punishment, Henry.
My father's people,
the Mongols,
love their animals:
horses, sheep, goats.
They knew how
to skin almost anything.
And when it was necessary
to torture their enemies...
they would flay his skin
whole, in one piece,
while he was alive, of course,
like peeling a shrimp.
This kind of skinning
was considered an art.
You've gotta be kidding me.
This is completely personal.
I didn't say
I wouldn't enjoy it.
Of course, a vampire
wouldn't die from this.
Your skin will grow back.
OK. All right. Enough.
No more horror stories.
He asked the price,
and there it is.
- You really wanna come back?
- Of course I do.
Then it's your choice.
This will placate
her and Mother.
Henry, I'm sorry.
I tried to tell you
80 years ago.
There's a price to pay for
screwing around with the royal.
Suren, any fear that Mother has
that you are sentimental...
...or weak,
this will show her
that you're fit to rule.
But...
I love how simple it is.
The blade's so thin
and razor-sharp,
so it doesn't tear the skin.
You just remember one thing.
Henry is my blood.
And he had better be alive
when I come back for him.
Don't, please!
Please kill me!
I tried to talk him out
of it, but he wants to take you.
You just have to stop killing!
We just have to convince
him that you stopped.
I don't know! All I did
was save you from Dylan!
We know about Boner. And Van?
You're stalking him now?
- You're following me?
- No, I told you!
That's what the Reaper does!
He knows what we've done.
I haven't done
anything! I mean, yes.
I played a few tricks on Van,
but Boner, he's still here!
Where? Where is he?
I don't know!
I told you he went away.
Stevie, I know what it
feels like to kill.
I know how good it feels.
I don't know what
you're talking about!
I'm trying to save you.
You're unbalanced!
- I'm unbalanced?
- Yes!
You passed up your door
and you possess!
I tried to stop you,
all 3 of you. Dylan, Boner.
You guys don't listen!
I know Dylan was a mistake,
but Boner and Van--
- Stop talking about Boner!
Look, I'm happy he's gone!
He can't judge me anymore!
And Van! You know what
a monster he is?
I'm not sorry for haunting him.
Maybe if he dies,
I will shred him!
Oh, Stevie.
I don't think I can
help you anymore.
I don't need
your help! You're crazy!
You're almost there.
You'll reap your
first soul tomorrow.
How is it that
you look so fresh?
I find a good puke
purges the pores.
Ah!
Trouble is, you keep
all your alcohol inside.
Got it.
Hey...
Thank you for the intervention.
Whatever happens with Nora, at
least Julia and I won't have to
hiss at each other in
the hallway anymore.
Yeah, about that.
I may have passed
out last night,
but I was still
perceptive enough
to pick up on those sparks.
You didn't bang her,
did you, Josh?
No.
Well, that was your
one and only chance
at the drunken, angry,
depressed, revenge screw.
You're right.
Now you two definitely
can't sleep together.
It'd be too conscious.
I would never...
...get involved
with Julia again.
Uh-huh? Wow. Yeah,
you didn't even try
to make that convincing.
No, it's not even her.
It's what I used to be.
Normal, successful, settled.
Well, what's normal?
All that crap's
overrated, Josh.
No. Actually, it's quite
appropriately rated.
People think they want to
be edgy and rebellious,
but really all they want is
a cozy house to come home to
and someone who loves them.
What is this?
Prairie Home Companion?
Julia is safe from me.
Good, 'cause nobody deserves
to be destroyed
twice in one lifetime.
Uh...
Hmm!
Thank you.
Anytime.
No, for real.
Yep.
♪ Honey, how will you know
if you found me ♪
♪ At long last?♪
♪ How can I meet you ♪
♪ With my heart
stuck in this cast? ♪
♪ God bless us all ♪
♪ We don't know a thing ♪
♪ God rest our souls ♪
You're still here.
♪ I pray that we can sing ♪
Still here.
Just kickin' it.
And the Reaper?
♪ Your wilderness ♪
He's not a problem anymore.
♪ It comes tumbling
through my veins ♪
♪ Light a candle 'cause
I'm sure to lose my way... ♪
Did you, uh...
I don't wanna talk about it.
But no.
♪ Patience's thin
It's harder to let you in ♪
What did you...
♪ Hold on ♪
...learn about yourself?
♪ Let go ♪
♪ All I know
is all about love ♪
I'm still learning.
♪ Hold on ♪
♪ Hold on ♪
♪ Hold on ♪
♪ It's always love ♪
♪ It's such a shame
about that flood ♪
Me too.