Being Human (2011–2014): Season 2, Episode 9 - When I Think About You I Shred Myself - full transcript

Previously on Being Human...

I got my residency at SCH.

The hospital?
The one that I work at?

What I really wanted was
to see you, hear from you,

why you left.

The night Stu died,

when I was mauled,

the attack changed me.

Reaper...

You could take my job
and be a reaper.

Ah!



You'll reap your
first soul tomorrow.

Maybe I can do this.

Suren knows about me?
That I'm back?

- You want him at your side?
- Yes.

If you wanna buy your way
back into this court,

Mother's going to want
her pound of flesh.

Of course, a vampire
wouldn't die from this.

- Your skin will grow back.
- Henry is my blood.

And he had better be alive
when I come back for him.

(Horn honking)

(Buzzer ringing)

Who is it?

I don't know.

You always check.



Old Sally checked.

(Buzzer continues ringing)

I need you to invite us in.

You mean, you need me
to invite him in.

- I thought we didn't do that.
- This is different.

This is Henry.

Uh, it was a long
time ago, but...

I made him, Josh.

He's... my son.

Did you make him without skin?

I need a place where I know
he'll be safe, that's here, please.

(Josh):The bonds
you form with some

will make you
look past anything,

ignore what they've become.

Fine.

Please, a little bit more, huh?

You'll hang on to the version
you wanna remember,

not the one
in front of you now.

I can't deal with this.
I'm late for work.

Me too.

(Bids chirping)

(Laughing)

I don't wanna sound
like an infomercial,

but attitude is everything.

To do this right, you need
to lose the ambivalence.

You-- you act like it's easy
to kill your own kind,

to stand there and watch
while you shredded Stevie.

I never said it was easy.
I said it was necessary.

Either way, a ghost is gone,

somebody just like me.

This has to be done,
but it doesn't have to be cruel.

After all, we're reapers,
not monsters.

Somebody kills a body,

and their soul's still left.

But when you do
what we do--

- He needs to go.

I know.

Walter...

Walter...

Go find your own kid.
He's mine.

Hey! What the--

- You said you were
done possessing.

So, I slipped once.

I'm sorry, Walter.

Reapers don't apologize.

Come on, Sally!
Think how that reflects on me.

What are you talking about?

Walter, it's time
for you to go.

Ooh, a catch phrase.
I like it.

Get out of my face.
I can control it.

Not today you didn't.

Not yesterday
with that waitress

or last week with
the bus driver.

- You're never gonna stop.
- (Reaper): Do it.

(Gasps)

- Sally, stop!
- That's it. Shred him!

Stop! Sally!

Oh, come on!
What did I teach you?

- Strike.
- No, please!

(Breathing heavily)

(Sighs)

Not my best work,
but you get the point.

Friends, parents, mentors,

we hold on to that
idealized image of them,

even if it's an illusion.

Because if we can't
believe in them,

what does that say about us?

(Horn honking)

Excuse me.

Hey, what's this all about?

Sexual-harassment
seminar's today.

It's mandatory.

Shoot me in the face.

Hi.

Hey.

(Clears throat)

Uh, that coffee's toxic.

Thanks for the heads up.

Yeah.

Josh, wait.

(Chuckles)

We can't be these people.

Which people?

The coworker exes who
talk about cafeteria food

and give "what up" nods
in the hall.

Yeah, those people suck.

Yeah.

So, I've been thinking,

you were a lousy fiancé,

but you were
a pretty decent friend.

Thank you?

Look, Josh, we were
friends a lot longer

than we were engaged.

- Yeah, I know.
- Friends we can do.

Oh, and all that rage
you say you've got,

I don't see it.

Your bark was always
worse than your bite.

Remembering that
best version of our friends

reminds us that we were
that promising once,

that strong, that alive.

Stu?

Hey, Levs! Heh!

Stu...

I can't believe you're here.

How have you been since...

Since you convinced me to go
camping with you that night?

(Man): We've got
somebody alive over here!

I've been dead, Josh.
How about you?

(Sighs)

Man, you have no idea
how many times

I wish I had you
around to talk to.

Yeah? You could
have tried to find me.

Um...

To be honest,

once I found out
that ghosts are real,

I didn't really wanna see you.

You really know how
to make a guy feel missed.

No, that's not what--

I just meant that

I'd hoped that
you'd gotten your door

and moved on to
something better than...

Josh, my dad never said,
"I love you."

And my mother basically
cut my food for me

until I went off to college.

So I am the king
of unresolved issues,

life and afterlife.

No door for me.

So what did you do?

I stayed pissed at you
for far too long

for, uh, surviving and leaving.

Well, I don't know
how you got over it,

but I'm glad you did.

The grab was flawless.

The kid barely knew
he'd been possessed.

You've gotta make sure
the shred is just as clean.

You make it sound so clinical.

It should be.

If you linger,

they start in with
the whining and the lying.

It gets awkward for everyone.

You're still not sold.

It's just...

when Walter said that
it was a one-time thing,

or when Stevie told me

that he didn't kill
Boner and his friends,

how do we know who's
telling the truth?

They all lie.

Wouldn't you to save yourself?

Maybe.

What if we make a mistake?

There are no mistakes.

Once you take over,
that'll become clear.

How?

Commit and the worries
will go away.

Will that be a problem?

No.

Good, because the
next reap is all yours.

(Whooshing)

How did you even find me here?

Remember DUI Dave?

Always riding a stool
down at Durgen's?

Yes! He took out
40 feet of guardrail

when he drove into the gorge.

I remember that guy.

Yeah, that's the one.

Well, homeboy's, like,

a clearing house for
the supernatural now.

So I heard through
the ghost-vine

that you're a werewolf?

You're kind of
a big deal back home.

Right. I'm huge in Ithaca.

- Right?
- Yeah!

You know, sometimes I wish
I hadn't left so fast,

but the whole wolf thing kind
of spun me out a little bit.

Yeah, that night
messed up a lot of us.

Your parents got even weirder.

Tell me about it.

Julia...

Yeah, but she's doing better.

I mean, s-she even
wants to be my friend.

Yeah, I--I would
pass on that

Why?

Well...

you guys are both
all-in kind of people.

I was. I was.
I am not anymore.

(Chuckling): Yeah.

No, for real.

I-- I went all in with
my last girlfriend, Nora,

and-- and now she's gone.

She's gone away
or she's gone, dead?

No, she's alive.

And she's a wolf.

Yeah.

She wants nothing
to do with me.

So I guess Julia
actually got off easy?

Yes, she did.

And don't worry,
nothing is gonna change that.

Julia and I are officially
ancient history.

(Groaning)

I know you have
one around here.

One? One what?

A stake.

No, no.

You're gonna get better.
You're strong.

No, I'm not.
I never was.

Hey, you made it
80 years in the wilderness.

You can make it through this.

Why?

SI can screw up again

and make your life worse
like I always have?

Not always.

(Shouting, gunfire)

What have we got here?

Cleared a whole trench
by himself.

I've never seen so much blood.

How many entry wounds
are there?

Lost count at a dozen.

You deal with him.

I'm afraid you're
stuck with me.

Let's see what we have here.

(Gasps)

Dear Lord...

He'll be gone west by morning.

Don't go wasting good
morphine on a dead man.

Take them out.

- What?
- The bullets!

You heard him.

I'm dead anyway.
Get them out!

(Panting)

(Grunting)

Wait here.

Uhuh! I'm not
babysitting the meat-sicle.

It's not like he's
gonna throw a rager.

He's not getting any better
and he needs food.

Are we talking takeout
that comes in a bag

or the kind with a pulse?

You know what?
Never mind.

Bring him a herd of cattle.
What do I care?

Hey, Sally.

- Boner?
- You seen Stevie?

(Sally):
We know all about Boner.

- He's still here!
- Where is he?

But Stevie shredded you.

That's news to me.
Who told you that?

He shredded them, Sally.

Dylan, Boner.
Stevie lied to you.

Someone who should know better.

- (Boner): Are you OK?
- Yeah.

'Cause you don't look OK.

No, I'm fine. Um...

So-- so the other guys
at Jasper's,

Stevie didn't
shred any of them?

The only one Stevie
shredded was Dylan,

and that was to protect you.

Who told you that
stuff about Stevie?

A ghost reaper.

That's who told me.

You never saw him at Jasper's?

No. Is he after Stevie?

Not anymore.

Good.

If you see Stevie, tell him
to come hang out with us again.

Nobody's seen him lately.

Offensive conduct doesn't
even have to be sexual.

Language, singling out
somebody based on gender--

Even staring,

if it's combined with
threatening behaviour.

Now-- now,
that all being said,

we know that coworkers are
gonna have sexual relation

I'm sure that some
of you already have.

But most
harassment cases happen

when there's an
unequal power dynamic.

Like, between, say,
a doctor and an orderly.

...to make sure
that it's put to a stop

before things
get out of control.

- Man speaks the truth.
- I get it.

(Speaker): Now...

Everyone is looking at you.

It's the story of my life.

Try getting left at the altar.

So, I have a little rule when
it comes to sexual harassment,

especially if
you've been warned.

And that is, when in doubt,

cut it out.

(Audience chuckling)

If you have any questions,

you can always come to me to my
office for a private one on one.

That's not at all creepy.

(Laughing)

I guess we'll just wait until
our co-workers are finished.

Oh, good!
They've finished.

(Presenter chuckling)

Now, what exactly
is harassment?

(Honking)

(Talking, indistinct)

- Oh!
- No!

I don't wanna leave.

OK, that's not what I'm saying.

What you were thinking
is not what I'm saying.

The dog could not be
persuaded to go...

(All laughing)

Come on!

(Dog barking)

This is it?

I thought there was a party.

There is now that
you're here. Come on.

You're cute but not that cute.

I'm saving threesomes
for marriage. Sorry!

That's not what I mean.
No, no, no...

Actually, you're coming inside,

because you can't wait
to give my friend Henry

whatever he needs.

Why are we wasting
time out here?

(Chuckling)

Yeah! Henry needs us.

Let's go.

Before you meet Henry,

there's one little thing
I forgot to tell you.

Why is there always a catch?

No, this is very, very good.

Henry is the most handsome
man that you've ever seen.

"And everyday,
I, a curious boy,

"never too close,
never disturbing them,

"cautiously peering,
absorbing, translating."

Do you have any Zane Grey?

You don't like Walt Whitman?

Hmm... No, I liked
him just fine.

(Groaning)

Your wounds are
healing on their own.

(Singing)

- I've got to show a doctor!
- No.

Mmm-mm.

But it's a miracle.

How did you survive out there?

I killed them before
they killed me.

(Scoffing)

You joke about it,

but I could never
do what you did.

I wish I had a 10th
of what you have.

What does it feel like
to take a life?

You seem a od man, Henry.
Be thankful that you don't know.

How many have you killed?

I lost count a long time ago.

Private, I hear you speak frog.

Come make yourself useful.

Yes, sir.

I don't think one
of them is gonna make it.

Can't stop all this blood.

Let's open up his shirt.

(Whimpers)

(Gasps)

Oh my god!

Why did you bring them?

He's so beautiful.

(Giggles)

Sorry, Sally.
Now's not the best time.

Three sets of twins
in one night!

It's like serial
mayhem in here!

Can we please focus
on the Reaper right now?

Nick.

Look, OK, if he was
lying about Stevie,

then he could be lying
about other things, right?

I wish I was more help.

I've spent my whole
life with ghosts.

But this reaper stuff
is new to me.

Babe?

Yeah, babe?

Uh, what about
your ghost group?

Worth a shot.

It is disturbing
how much they know.

You know what? You should
go there tonight and ask.

OK, yes.
Great, great.

Are you not gonna be there?

Uh, no, I don't
need it anymore.

I'll be home as
soon as group's over.

But no watching
Real Housewives without me.

OK, you both need to stop!

(Car honking)

(Laughing)

You're more persuasive
than I remember.

Eat.

Absolutely.

(Man speaking French)

He's been at this all night.

Can you make any sense of it?

What's got him so riled up?

He's talking gibberish.

Must be shell shock.

(Woman moaning)

(Giggling)

Oh, I don't know.

I love ortho.

I just don't want
to have to deal

with all the
"fratty" ortho guys.

Maybe I'll just chuck it all
and go podiatry.

(Julia groaning)

What?

Feel like an ass.

Why? Because you
scratched and lost?

No.

Because I'm talking about
med school in front of you.

I love hearing about it.

Exactly.

You closed the science
library down every night.

And you killed the MCATs.

I mean, there is no world

in which you should
not be a doctor.

Well, other things--
Thank you.

Other things became
more important.

Like winning
Orderly of the Year?

(Chuckles)

I like my job.

(♪an singing rock on stereo ♪)

No, you don't,

or you wouldn't be
doing the tap thing.

I don't do a tap thing.

Yes. Yes, you
surely do.

Whenever you got stuck

talking boating with my dad

or modern dance
with my roommate,

you'd be polite
and tap your glass

and hate every second of it.

(Stu): Yep!

I reapplied,

even got in.

Josh, why aren't you going?

I ju-- I couldn't--
I couldn't go through with it.

There was this thing with
Nora and now there isn't,

and you know...

You realize you
just cried on the shoulder

of the woman you dumped

about the woman who dumped you?

Whoa! Somebody just
stepped in it.

I'd like to retract,
uh, erase or demolish

the last 30 seconds, if I may.

No.

It's actually kind of nice.

I like it.

I-- I don't like it.

But I like hearing
my weird, old friend, Josh...

who hasn't changed nearly
as much as he thinks he has,

and who I wish I got
to see more of.

Whoa! Stay strong, Levs.

Keep it together.
Avoid direct eye contact.

This is the time
when I should...

probably leave.

Oh.

Yeah, yeah.
I should definitely--

Didn't see that coming, but I
guess I should be used to this.

No, I just meant
we're good, right?

Friends, check.

Talked about my ex...

(Claps hands)

...check.

It's nice having you
not hate me.

(Chuckles)

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ The fire is burning
No chance of returning ♪

♪ How does such
keep me lacking? ♪

♪ Love and affection ♪

I'll see you.

♪ A sense of direction
High and low... ♪

Yeah.

(Chuckling)

Good, good. But I think
we might wanna reassess.

♪ Is that a fact... ♪

Uh...

(Running footsteps)

You know what?

Oh my god!
You are so beautiful!

Ah!

(Both moaning)

Wait a second. Wait.

What?

Is this-- Is this
the worst idea ever?

Oh no. No, no.

No, this is the best--
the best idea ever.

OK.

(Both moaning)

(Whooshing)

I've-- I've never wanted
anything so much in my life,

so yeah...

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh ♪

(Sighing)

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, no... ♪

Oh, crap, crap, crap...

(Whooshing)

Hey.

Just being honest.
Not my proudest moment.

What did you do?

(♪ Woman singing blues,
indistinct ♪)

(Chuckling nervously)

(Whispering):
You, me, out.

- What? Now?
- Yeah.

Yeah, OK. Yeah.

Oh my god!

At what point did you decide

that using my body
to have sex with my ex

is something that
just had to happen, Stu?

Uh, probably somewhere
during the goodbyes.

I'm sorry! I just
couldn't stop myself.

Really? Because you
stopped me all day long.

(Dog barking)

And of all the women, Stu!

All the women that you
could've done this too--

I love her, Josh.

There it is.

What?

I-- I-- I have

ever since senior year.

We-- we were all
friends, yes, but I...

I loved her first.

But you never
even asked her out!

That's because
I over-think things

and then don't act upon them.

It's kind of my move,

and plus, I thought
she'd say no.

But you were the one
who told me to ask her out.

Yeah, but in all fairness,

I thought she'd
say no to you too.

No offense.

And she didn't.

And then all of a sudden,
you're: "Hey, Josh and Julia!"

And then you're engaged,

and I'm stuck in a plaid
dress shirt for eternity.

You didn't come to
the hospital to see me.

You were following Julia.

When you left Ithaca,

it was the first time
that I had her to myself.

So what? So this is,
like, your thing, then?

You just go around
possessing guys

so you can have sex with her?

No, man!

No? No?

It's so much lamer.
I-- I-- I--

I wanted her to look at me

the way she used
to look at you.

OK?

(Dog barking)

So would I.

Those days are gone.

That's what I thought,
too, until last night.

Josh, listen to me.

I have watched her for so long.

And when I saw the way
that she looked at you,

I knew this could be
my last chance,

and you, you were
just gonna let it go.

- Because you were hounding me!
- Hey, we're...

Because you were right.

You have no idea
what I could do to her.

If I'm not careful, no--

You-- you say you
have a curse,

because once
a month you lose it.

But you're still alive.

And if you wanted,
if you wanted,

you could have Julia
look at you like that

for the rest of your life.

I would trade my curse

for yours any day.

No.

You say you love her,

but look what you did.

Now, I either
bring her in closer

or I break her heart.

Either way, I destroy her.

(Cars honking in distance)

(Laughing)

(Woman moaning, chuckling)

Now, which one

goes first?

Ah! Mm-mmm, no. Why do you
think I brought 2 of them?

Each one gives a little,
everyone goes home happy, OK?

Why are you still talking?

Shhh!

You're right.

(Women giggling)

Let's just stick
to the good stuff.

Ah!

(Woman moaning, chuckling)

Oh, Holly.
Um, you're bleeding.

No, I'm not.

- OK, um, we have to go.
- Oh...

- Hey, hey.
- No!

Everything's fine. You're
having the time of your life.

There's so much blood.

Please let us go.
We won't say anything.

Help! Someone, please!
Somebody!

There's just blood...

Oh! Somebody help!

Somebody, come!
Oh, God!

(Slurping)

(Chuckles)

Fivesecond rule.

(Gunfire in distance)

(Muttering in French)

Stop! Stop!

Arrête!

(Groaning)

(Groaning)

(Vehicle passing by)

(Gurgling)

Please don't let me die.

You don't wanna die?

Well, you never will.

(Screaming)

(Man): Get the MDs!

(Women screaming)

Move, move!

(Roaring)

Run! Get out of here!

(People screaming and thudding)

(Groaning)

(Siren in distance)

Ah!

Hello?

Zoey? Zoey!

Had to start without you.

What are you doing here?

Where's the group? How did you
find out about this place?

You still think you can
keep things from me,

especially something this good?

What happened?
Where is everyone?

Gone, like they should be.

Oh, right! Ha!

Not everyone.

Sally. Why?

You killed all of them!

How could you?

How could I not?
Talk about one-stop shopping.

Five minutes and I filled
my quota for the week.

They were getting better!

What are you talking about?

No one gets better.
Don't you know that by now?

Look, Sally, sometimes I feel
like you don't listen,

and that hurts.

Zoey, I'm so
sorry. I didn't--

- Stop it. This is
all your fault!

Give me a little credit.

Oh, God!

I am done!

I don't care what you do to me.

I am never gonna be like you.

(Chuckling)

It's cute when you act
like you have a choice.

The only path you take

is the one I choose for you.

Zoey, I--

You stay the hell away from me!

Come back to bed.

I don't think
that's a good idea.

(♪ Woman singing, indistinct ♪)

And if you wanna throw something
at me, I won't even duck.

(Chuckles)

Scoot over.

What?

Well...

(Sighing)

What are you doing?

Going back to sleep.

Yeah, I can
see that. But why?

Because I'm tired.

Mmm, you're warm.

And since you're more
screwed up than I am,

what are you
gonna do, judge me?

(Sighing)

(Crows cawing)

(Birds chirping)

(Gasps)

(Coughing)

Congratulations.

For what?

You are the lone survivor
of Casualty Clearing Station 54.

What did you do to me?

I used them.

I used them to make us better.

(Gasps)

Oh, and Henry...

I saved you some.

What are you talking about?

Come, now. You said that you
wanted to know what it was like.

You went to sleep weak
and you woke up strong.

Now, it's gonna take
some getting used to.

What do you want me to do?

Henry...

He's wounded and he's suffering

and he's going to die anyway.

Just this once.

(Crows cawing)

I told you I can't kill men.

I know.

But that was before you met me.

(Fangs clicking)

(Rustling)

(Slurping)

So this is what
it's like being part

of a well-oiled machine.

Suren must be happy.

I have my own reasons.

You did all this for me.

You haven't eaten.
You must be starving!

Let's get some "breakie".

You do whatever
you want. I'm out.

Come on! This is the best
I've felt in decades.

It'll be like old times.

Hey, I'm Josh.

We met yesterday.

Thanks for the invite.

You're Henry.

You look so much better.

Catch you later, Aidan.

(Siren in distance)

Only one thing would
make him heal that fast.

What happened in there?

(Gasps)

Oh! No, please, no.

OK, you can do this.

(Whooshing)

Cleansing breaths. OK.

(Gasping)

Nick. Nick, you shouldn't
be here right now.

Zoey told me what happened.

I didn't know he
was gonna kill them!

Who would kill them?

The Reaper!

Look, either you help me salt
us in, or you get out of here.

- It's OK.
- You need to get out.

It's OK. We're
gonna get you help.

Then you won't do this again.

I didn't do anything!

I didn't do anything.
It was him!

Sally!

There is no reaper.

I know I screwed up,
but I never brought it here.

He didn't have anyplace to go.

You know how many places I've
got where there's no pretense,

where just being
isn't exhausting? One.

This house, with you and Sally.

I've almost earned
my freedom once and for all.

But I said it would get messy.

No, no, no. There's messy,
and then there's this.

This will never happen again.

We'll get it back to
the way it was. Don't worry.

He's right behind you.

No, there is nobody else here.

- He's right behind--
- It's gonna be all right.

Let go of him!

He didn't do anything.

He thinks he can have a human,
flaunt it in our face?

Please don't do this.

Stop it! Stop!
I'm not gonna do this.

I'm never gonna be like you.

(Chuckling)

Don't you get it, Sally?

You are me.

Here's how it goes.

Usually a ghost is
around just long enough

to have a little fun.

But the longer a ghost circles
the drain, crazier the ghost.

What do you want?

(Screaming)

- I'm unbalanced?
- Yes!

You passed up your door
and you possess!

I don't need your help!
You're crazy!

(Grunts)

Who are you?

(Distorted):
You know exactly who I am.

Sally! There is no reaper.

You are an interesting
case, Sally Malik.

What do you mean?

You're...

...special.

You really thing so?

(Nick): Sally.

Sally!

Sally, Sally.
Let him go.

You don't want
to do this, Sally.

I think I do.

Oh and, boys,

Sally isn't here anymore.

- What did you do?
- He had to go.

They all did.

You don't get to decided that.

Somebody has to.

Somebody has to tell them that
they don't belong here anymore,

that it's time to
stop holding on.

Sally, you belong here with us.

(Deep voice):
Oh, that's so sweet.

You sound just like Nick.

Is that how you want
to treated?

Ah! Ah! Ah!

(Aidan):
Oh! No!

(Grunting)

Aidan! She's not
kidding around, man!

(Exhales sharply)

What's going on?

We're not sure yet.

Are-- are you OK?

I think--

(Breathing unevenly)

I can't--

Can you, um...

Yeah, of course.

No, no.

- What?
- Uh-uh. Mm-mmm.

Guys, let me out.

Guys, come on.

(Deep voice):
I said let me the hell out of here!