Being Human (2011–2014): Season 1, Episode 4 - Wouldn't It Be Nice (If We Were Human) - full transcript
Josh goes into the woods at 'that time of month'; as he returns to human form, Ray introduces himself and offers to teach Josh how to make 'the change' more convenient. Josh freaks out, and cannot get away from Ray fast enough. Later, he meets Ray, once again, at the hospital. Ray convinces Josh to let him teach him how to be a Werewolf. Ray shows Tony how to use a rump-roast to form a barrier that will keep Josh from roaming, and possibly coming across any humans he might kill. Ray takes Josh to a shed, in the woods, where he can store his clothes and other articles for cleaning up in the mornings. Eventually, Josh offers Ray a place to stay, for a short while, so he will have another Werewolf to talk to. While walking around the city, they come across Marcus, and another Vampire, and beat them unconscious.
Previously on Being Human...
Hey, it's me.
I need your help.
- You're a vampire?
- You had no right to turn her.
We wanted to see
what was so special.
I feel like a goddess.
It is more gruesome
than you could realize.
Ahh!
- I'm lonely.
- Me too.
You can move with your thoughts.
- Shut up!
- Where are we?
Danny's old place.
- Danny?
- My fiancée.
Danny...
Bridget?
Quick...
what's the world's most
rapidly evaporating resource?
- Ahh!
- Oil?
What is that?
Something in the bushes.
Water? Fresh air?
Not even close.
♪ It's gone ♪
♪ But I don't even know ♪
♪ Like a steam drill... ♪
When's the last time
you were truly alone?
Remember the guy
who took your picture?
Yeah.
When you didn't
think to yourself...
- Classic.
- Yeah.
Classic shot.
"Somebody's watching me"?
A man can wander for
an eternity these days
before finding a place where
he can be himself, let go...
- We don't want any trouble.
- Sorry.
...howl at the moon.
How did we let this happen to us?
♪ Was living for the heart... ♪
Um... see ya.
Yeah, good night.
Thank you.
♪ Ain't love just like
fumbling in the dark? ♪
♪ She's gone 7 ♪
♪ 7 or 8 days ♪
♪ She's gone where
I don't even know ♪
Why do we insist on looking
when our every impulse
tells us...
♪ She's gone 7... ♪
"Look away"?
Ahh!
♪ She's gone where
I don't even know ♪
Maybe it's because we all
have something to hide.
♪ Dust the cage... ♪
That thing we bury down deep...
♪ Dog's under the porch light ♪
♪ Sleeping with
his one eye open ♪
♪ Open for... ♪
beat back into the darkness
with everything we have.
We're secretly hoping to see
that the monster inside
each of us is inside us all.
There it is.
Look hard enough, you'll see it.
You will be seen.
Ah!
It's OK.
It's just some clothes.
Go ahead.
It was over a mile north of here.
Who are you?
Seriously, chief,
just get dressed.
You're not the only one
who's uncomfortable.
You know, you suck
at being a werewolf.
It's almost offensive.
What are you talking about?
I told you.
It's OK.
Name's Ray.
I'm a werewolf, too.
Come on, man.
Don't be like that.
You took my clothes.
Least you could do is talk to me!
Sorry, I don't talk to
delusional people.
You know I'm telling the truth.
It's only been a coupe of hours
since your last change.
Your senses are still blazing.
You could smell what I am.
Oh, for crying out loud, Josh!
How do you know my name?
I been at this a while, you know?
I can help you.
How?
Once a month, I'm an animal,
a killer.
I have to run away from
my home, my friends, everyone.
I have to protect
the world from myself!
And I can help you with that.
We could look out for each other.
We keep everyone safe.
What do you say?
Thanks for the clothes.
Oh, come on! Josh!
We're late.
Shower up.
Why are you dressed
like a douche?
Because a douche
gave me these clothes.
No, sorry, a werewolf douche
gave me these clothes.
- Seriously?
- Oh, I'm dead serious.
Yeah, Ray the werewolf.
He's been watching me.
No.
Yes!
Just when I start to think
that there's hope,
like, real hope for me to be
just like everybody else,
I wake up and I'm in hell!
I'm in hell! I died
and now I'm actually in hell!
What happened to you?
We were just talking
about how I'm in hell,
but whatever,
let's talk about you.
I just spent my night
watching Danny and Bridget
simper and swoon over each other.
If I had bodily fluids,
I'd spew them.
Who is Bridget?
My best friend since 3rd grade
who I now realize
is also a brutal whore.
You can come and go
as you please now.
Yeah. Why didn't
you just leave?
I didn't have control.
Apparently, I go
wherever my mind goes.
I didn't wanna watch
Danny and Bridget, so I left.
But then I couldn't stop
thinking about them together.
Next thing I know, wham!
You're watching them.
It's a vicious cycle!
Why are you dressed
like a douche?
Josh met another werewolf.
Aw!
. Who's stalking him.
Ew.
I'm gonna shower.
What do I do?
Well, I'll tell you what you do.
You be strong
and you focus on other things.
Maybe I'll have your willpower
after being around
for a century or two.
Blood drop 3427.
Blood, 3427.
Hold up!
What are you doing?
I'm transferring Mr. Shaw.
Really? Where?
There aren't any beds here.
You sure?
I was sent by Dr. Prindaar.
Maybe you could check.
Robyn?
Can you get this gentleman's
paperwork started?
We'll get you
all squared away, Mr. Shaw.
You think I don't know how many
beds I have available?
No, no, it's just that
Dr. Prindaar said...
Dr. Prindaar is
what's clinically known as
a jackass and a coward.
I already informed
Dr. Prindaar
that I don't have
any space for Mr. Shaw.
That's why he had
a dopey, doe-eyed,
sad-looking orderly
bring him down here.
He thought I'd have mercy
'cause you're doe...
And sad-looking.
I get it.
Go.
I don't know, man,
but it's one of
the drawbacks of...
Hey, there he is!
- What are you doing here?
- You ready to talk, chief?
- It's Ray.
- Yeah, thanks.
You have to leave.
All I'm asking for
is one cup of coffee.
- Know what?
- Can we have a minute?
He knows where I work?
That we're roommates?
Can I just say something?
You want me to hang out
with this lunatic? Seriously?
Josh, you are a rare breed,
but don't you think
it might be good
to spend a little time
with someone like you?
No. Not really.
The one thing
I've been able to do
with this thing
I carry around with me
is keep it small.
OK? I deserve to contain
my own private hell.
And now this guy pops up,
and suddenly there's two of us.
If I let him in, Aidan,
it all gets bigger.
You may only change once a month,
but your anxiety about
who you are, what you are,
it consumes you.
It is not small.
Dr. Smith, please call 7428.
One cup of coffee.
Tomorrow.
Sweet!
That's awesome, bro!
We're not bros.
You rough with all the girls,
or is it just a thing with me?
- What do you want, Rebecca?
- Just to talk.
I know you hate me,
but you're the only one
who understands.
What?
Just try to remember for a second
that you give a damn about me.
I need you to get me out.
Or just...
God, just end this now!
You wanna get away from
Bishop just like that.
Bishop is just the tip
of the whole nasty pile
of blood-lusting garbage.
'Cause the last I remember,
you were having
the time of your life
tearing through innocent people.
I thought it made me strong,
invincible.
I'm the weakest thing on earth.
But the rush, the fantasy of
how I'd kill, when I'd kill,
it's gone.
It's like I snapped out
of twilight sleep,
and now I can hear
people whimper,
see the fear in their eyes.
I hate what I am...
what I've become.
I can't stop.
I can't fight it.
Not by myself.
It's... It's not your fault.
You didn't choose.
No, I didn't.
But everything I've done
since turning...
I could stop.
You stopped.
It's not that easy.
But you could help me.
I don't know.
You wanted to help me.
Doesn't "better late than never"
count for anything anymore?
What time does the game start?
7:30.
We should be done just in time.
Ugh, vomit!
- Do you have a strainer?
- Yup.
Bottom-right cabinet.
You know, we could've
ordered in some pizza.
You didn't have to cook.
I love cooking.
Ha! Please!
I never knew
you were a baseball fan.
- That's because she's not.
- Oh yeah!
And you like to cook.
No, she really can't.
You should taste it
before you judge.
"Oh, Danny,
I love baseball and cooking
"and being a slut and lying.
"Will you please do me?"
Look, what is this?
What are we doing here?
It's dinner and baseball.
Yeah, I don't care about dinner
and I don't care
about the Red Sox game.
All I keep thinking about
is what happened the other night.
I was wondering if we were
gonna act like nothing happened.
Wanna know what's happening?
I'll tell you...
But then you came over
and it hit me: Why do that?
...and you're about to make
a huge mistake!
Because of Sally.
Sally! Yes!
Thank you for caring!
What about us?
I mean, we're still here.
And so am I!
Holy crap!
Did I just?
- Let me...
- I did just do that!
I don't know what happened.
- I happened!
- That was weird.
♪ I know it isn't right... ♪
- Stop!
- Wait.
I can't do this.
Don't you ever...
I don't know.
Don't you ever feel
like she's watching?
Well, I don't know about that.
♪ Who you gonna
run to now... ♪
Maybe this is a bad idea.
I think I should go.
"Hey, Josh,
how about a cup of coffee...
"and a 10-mile hike
through the woods?"
"Sounds great, Ray!"
Couldn't do this
in a coffee shop!
We need to be out here.
- For what?
- Your education.
You're a dangerous man,
to yourself and to others.
Think I don't know that?
So we're gonna teach you
to transform safely.
Rule number one:
No one gets hurt.
All right?
We don't wanna kill anyone
or turn them.
Am I right?
So, what's rule number 2?
Well, normally,
you steer clear of vampires,
but you've already
crapped the bed on that one.
What's the deal there, anyway?
Anytime I've ever
been around vamps,
they're breaking
their foot off in my ass.
No, Aidan's not like that.
He's one of the good ones.
Oh sure, he must be part of that
soft-and-cuddly sect of vampires
I've been hearing about.
Hey, how'd you find me, anyway?
Same way I find any of us:
papers, websites.
I look for patterns.
Gloucester has so
strange animal deaths.
You tore up a lot of deer
in these woods, my friend.
Have you, um...
Are there others?
Not in these woods.
This is it!
This is what?
School.
You change into
a werewolf in here?
Nah.
Somebody stumbles
across this place,
you'll both be screwed.
Nah, this place,
it's just somewhere to
keep your stuff dry and safe.
Now...
the key to an easy-and-simple
werewolf transformation
is preparation.
First thing to pack
is a change of clothes,
naturally!
Next up we have wet wipes
to clean yourself off.
I prefer fresh scent.
You look like a citrus guy.
Disposable cell phone
for emergencies.
- Right.
- Water.
For before and after.
I've found that the change
goes a little smoother
if you're hydrated.
PB-and-J, in case you don't eat
while you're changed.
Has your stomach adjusted yet?
Adjusted to what?
A wolf's stomach processes
food different than a person's.
First few times after changing,
I found myself throwing up
all the animals that I'd eaten.
Wolf would chow down
on some crazy stuff.
That ever happen to you?
I think the wolf
eats its own poo.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's the worst.
Are you sure this isn't safer
than running around out there?
I mean, no one's safe
with us roaming the forest.
That's where this guy comes in!
What is that, a steak?
Rump roast, to be exact!
Now, we have about a couple
of hours or so after sunset
before we change, right?
Yeah.
So we use this time
to take our little friend here
for a walk, right?
Using this place
as a centre point,
we walk around in a circle,
about a mile or so in diameter.
That night, you change.
Wolf will pick up the scent
and spend his evening
hunting down this
delicious bit of prime beef!
So, the wolf just
walks around in a circle.
No straying,
no running into Bambi.
Ha!
What's rule number one?
No one gets hurt.
That's right!
Did you bring it?
God, I'm starving!
That's not as potent
as what you're used to.
Works for you, doesn't it?
It's not the same rush
as the live stuff.
It's methadone.
It's powdered milk.
It's blood!
Also, it tastes not...
It just takes some
getting used to.
Rebecca, that was...
- I can't do this.
- ...all I brought.
No, I gotta go.
I gotta...
- Hey, hey, hey. Come here.
- No!
Listen, you're gonna be OK.
You're gonna be all right.
♪ I know
I got to run away... ♪
- I haven't eaten in days.
- OK, uh...
I can get more.
I just need to
go back to the house.
No...
♪ You don't really want ♪
♪ Any more from me ♪
Stay.
♪ To make things right
You need someone... ♪
Please, Aidan.
Don't do this.
Please, Aidan.
Just...
♪ But I'm sorry
I don't pray that way... ♪
Vampire blood...
ain't much better
than hospital blood.
It's good.
You taste good.
♪ Tainted love ♪
♪ Tainted love ♪
Oh, that was good.
That...
That can't happen again.
Why?
It's not like we killed anybody.
Rebecca, I wanna help you.
I do. But...
I've been here before.
Blood leads to bloodlust.
Bloodlust leads to bloodshed.
No.
No, no, no, no.
We have to nip it in the bud.
So that's it?
I have to live
like an anorexic nun?
I think this might be
too much for me.
The longer that you abstain,
the more that you will appreciate
the reason why you're doing it.
You're so full of it.
You know it felt good
to bite into flesh,
drink it till
you can't see straight.
I needed to feed.
But I think maybe
you needed this more.
Ah...
And I think...
maybe...
you might still be hungry.
Mmm!
Oh!
And they're picking up
the glass I knocked over,
and then he gives her
the "I'm gonna make out
with you" look.
No, he didn't!
Actually, he didn't,
because I was all: "Ahh!"
And then they heard it
or they felt it
because then they just stopped.
- You pencil jammed him!
- From beyond the grave.
It was the Death Star
of pencil jams.
Hey, there he is!
Hey, man.
What's shaking?
Hey, Ray.
You split Danny
and your friend up?
Yeah. Yeah.
And I broke a wine glass
with my brain.
- Who's ready for crepes?
- Oh, hell yeah!
So, you guys really hit it off.
Yeah, the man knows
his way around a rump roast.
He knows his stuff.
You all right?
You look a little off.
- Uh...
- I know that look.
Someone got some stink
last night.
Oh, I see it!
Did you?
Did you?
Did you get some stink?
Yeah, I'm not pulling that off.
You want a crepe?
No.
Hey, you were right, actually.
Ray's a pretty decent guy.
He doesn't have a place to stay.
I was thinking maybe he could
crash here for a while.
Really? Because
we hardly know him.
Well, you're the one who
told me to give him a chance.
So, what...
you worried about having more
than one werewolf in the house?
Of course not!
Good.
Hold on. Can you talk
this over with Sally?
Think of those two...
My god! Seriously?
...getting all up
on each other.
If not for you,
there definitely would have
been digital manipulation.
Yeah!
She's cool with it.
♪ I feel like selling my things ♪
♪ I feel like being alone ♪
♪ Can't tell if
I'm all confused ♪
♪ After I hung up the phone ♪
♪ Glad to hear
you're feeling stronger ♪
♪ And that you're ready to grow ♪
♪ Did you know that
I was in your way ♪
♪ Thanks for saying it
Now I know ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Ooh so this is how
these things go ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
♪ So this is how these things ♪
♪ Check-out in the end... ♪
We need another round.
I wanna make a toast to my
favourite time of the month.
The moon's almost ripe.
Everything we are
is just under the skin.
Strength is there.
Senses are heightened.
You smell that?
What?
Women.
You ever have sex
around this time?
Hey, Chuck.
How are you?
Nope.
It's crazy train. Yeah.
I haven't had any relationships
since this happened to me.
Yeah, I don't want
anyone to get hurt.
Rule number one, right?
I'm not asking
about relationships.
I'm asking about bangin'.
Women love the wolf.
You guys hungry?
Wanna see some menus?
Um...
I'm hungry, but what I want
ain't on the menu.
Wow, that's original.
I'm sorry if that was crass,
but I'm just trying
to cut through all the bull.
I'm telling the truth.
I think you're
drop-dead beautiful.
Well, go on.
I want to buy you a drink,
maybe 2, and see what happens.
But I'm willing to bet
that after a drink, maybe 2,
we end up in bed.
Well, I don't drink.
Here's my number.
I get off at 1:00.
I'll actually take
some potato skins.
Is that the wolf or was that you?
Does it matter?
The day before the day
we're a little
of both, aren't we?
You should try it sometime.
No, that's not really my style.
It's not just about getting laid.
It's about grabbing life
by the throat.
And making it sing.
That's why they hate us,
you know?
Vampires are dead
and we're alive,
so they beat us
and they kick us everyday
until our friend, the moon,
gets nice and fat.
Then it's our turn.
We get to sit on the throne
and shove their faces
into the street.
Do you have any idea what
the 2 of us can do to them
this time of the month?
Not all vampires are bad.
Aiden's different.
Aiden is different.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
To the wolf.
To the wolf.
♪ Yeah 'cause you wanna
tear me apart ♪
♪ You don't just want
to break me ♪
♪ You wanna tear me apart ♪
Great!
Where's my blood?
Where's my blood?
I'm sorry, man.
I had to make room
for those beauties.
Where is it?
It was an emergency, man.
You know, I didn't want
my "rumpers" to go bad.
Where?
It's right over there.
I figured you can get some more
down at the hospital, you know,
or just jump someone
down an alley.
Full moon's coming soon.
Yep! Can't wait for it.
Yeah, it's been great,
the help you've given Josh,
but you will be
moving on after this moon.
Yeah, I bet you like that, huh?
It'd be for the best.
Your welcome's wearing
a bit thin here.
Josh might have something
different to say about that.
Josh will do what's right.
Who's to say what's right, huh?
Some guy who's actually
shown him how to survive,
how to thrive,
or some undead thing
that lets him
tag along like a pet.
It's only a matter of time
before he realizes and sees you
for the leech you are.
Oh, you picked the wrong time
to screw with me, Ray.
What are you gonna do?
Rip me to shreds in this kitchen
and prove to your friend, Josh,
what a murderous scum
we both know you to be?
Is a bagel good
for a hangover?
Aiden.
Aiden?
Uh, what?
Hi.
Doe eyes.
How are you?
Fine.
I haven't been screamed at
by any nurses in a month or so.
Yeah. I'm...
I'm sorry about that.
It was a monster of a day,
and honestly,
it wasn't your fault.
Dr. Brown,
please pick up line 5.
It's really fine.
Let me buy you a...
Let me buy you a coffee.
Oh, that's OK.
No, please.
I insist.
- Thank you.
- Of course.
Um, I'll get the next one.
All right.
Uh...
So, are you hungry?
'Cause I am.
But what I want
ain't on this menu.
What menu?
Listen, I know you're
as busy as you are hot,
so I'm gonna make
this "swort and sheet".
Short and sweet.
What time do you get off?
Why?
'Cause I want to take you out,
buy you a drink...
maybe 2, maybe 3...
and 4.
And just see at happens.
And what do you think
is gonna happen?
Well, I'm willing to bet
that after that drink...
or 4,
we end up in sex.
In bed. Sexing in bed.
Or whatever.
Wow! Um,
that's pretty just...
Wow! Um, what's your name?
Josh.
Josh. Right, yeah.
Um, I'd like to continue
this conversation.
Really?
But I'm incredibly busy.
So busy, in fact,
that I don't have time
to go to Human Resources
and tell them what
a disgusting, harassing cretin
they have working here
as an orderly.
So, let's just say you talk
to me again, it's your ass.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
What was that?
What? I was channelling
my inner wolf.
OK. So the wolf never wants
to have sex again either.
Who taught you
this crap? Ray?
Ray? My friend, Ray?
Yeah, he did.
He taught me a lot of things.
What the hell's wrong with you?
I don't know.
Tell you what,
when you're off tonight,
wherever you've been for the
past who knows how many nights,
maybe it'll come to you.
You commit dating suicide
and suddenly it's about me?
Am I a jerk?
Why would I think that?
I use my otherworldly powers
to destroy relationships.
I'm a jerk, right?
Danny?
Why did it have to be Bridget?
You love Danny, right?
And Bridget?
When she's not rubbing her
bits all over my fiancée,
yeah, she's the best.
So what could be better
than 2 people that you love
coming together over the love
that they share for you?
They're not sharing
the love, Mr. Hallmark.
They're dancing on my grave.
Sally.
This life gets bitterly cold.
Sometimes you just
need to cling to the person
that you can claw your way
out of the dark with.
Danny and Bridget,
they may not be kismet,
but we all deserve
a shot at a normal life.
They do, you do.
You do.
Maybe.
Bridget, it's OK.
Bridget, I know you
probably can't hear me, but...
I don't know what else to do.
I need you to know that it's OK.
I get it.
Please, go to him.
Hello?
Is someone there?
This place is really nice.
Yeah.
And it's been around forever.
Uh, I think they redecorated.
The food looks good.
Really colourful.
Aiden.
Just, uh, just try.
Uh, so, how was your day anyway?
♪ All alone in the city ♪
♪ It's like I found my mind ♪
♪ Broken bottles ♪
♪ And broken bones ♪
♪ Keep dreaming
on the edge of the night ♪
♪ I don't wanna go ♪
♪ I don't wanna go back
to the city... ♪
School is over.
You have absorbed every morsel
of knowledge I have to offer.
Thanks, Ray.
I mean that.
What do you say we celebrate, eh?
Yeah, all right.
Where are we?
Shhh!
See that place?
They gorge themselves in there.
Who?
Who do you think?
They get so stuffed with blood,
they actually get stoned.
Filthy pigs.
Vampires? There are
vampires in there?
Yeah. See, this is
the kind of stuff
your boy, Aiden, is not gonna
be telling you about.
Come on!
That's why I want you
to know everything
that these leeches
are capable of!
Quit running!
I really don't think
we should be here.
This is absolutely where
we need to be tonight
while we're strong!
I'm proud of you, boy.
You're gonna follow my lead,
and enjoy the party.
Ready to pop some ticks?
Excuse me!
Wait! Wait!
Excuse me, sir.
No, thanks. I'm full.
Ray!
Ray, he's...
What? He's dead!
He died a long time ago.
How can you just stand there?
Don't you want some payback?
A little retribution for
all the crap we had to take
from pieces of garbage like this?
Day in, day out.
Well, look at this.
A couple of strays.
You want a piece of this?
Ray, let's go!
I think I have
a little room left.
Oh!
Well, that just
leaves you and I'm...
Ray, we need to get
the hell out of here now!
Hey, you're not
the only one that bites!
Wait!
Get out of here now!
He's mine!
We gotta go!
Come on!
That's it, Josh!
Tear him apart!
- Hey.
- Hi.
It's OK.
All right.
Well, what's OK?
This. Us.
We don't have to feel guilty.
I think Sally tried to tell me.
Tell you? What...
I... I guess.
I don't know.
I felt something.
A feeling of peace.
Wait, wait. What?
I think it was her.
I can't do this anymore.
Hey, sweetheart.
I can't.
It's OK, it's OK.
I brought you some.
I am not a monster,
neither are you.
But we are!
We are!
Everyday is gonna make us
want to rip our fingernails out
if we have to keep
living like this.
I can't go to a restaurant
and pretend to be human,
when all I want to do
is eat the table next to me.
I'm not that strong.
I will be strong for both of us.
I've been here before.
When you wake up in the morning,
you will feel better.
Hey, guys!
It's Danny!
Sally?
♪ Everyone's raining ♪
Are you here?
♪ Everyone's pouring ♪
♪ Everyone's hailing
Everyone's storming ♪
Sally, I...
♪ Everyone's raging ♪
Are you here?
♪ Everyone's roaring ♪
♪ Everyone's raining ♪
♪ Everyone's pouring ♪
♪ My love ♪
You should've seen the look
on his face when I bit him.
I mean, you know,
there's surprise
and there there's this-guy-
almost-bit my-cheek-off
kind of surprise.
I can't believe I just did that.
You need a beer, my friend.
S-s-seriously,
I don't do things like that.
I don't... I don't
beat men in alleys.
Those weren't men.
Be honest, though.
Felt good, didn't it?
Hey, look at me.
Hey. Hey.
Oh!
It's all right.
You all right?
I have been watching you, Josh.
And what I saw tonight...
...that look on your face
when you were tearing
that leech up...
there was joy in there.
You enjoyed it deep, deep down
where the wolf lives.
You know it felt good.
♪ Wolves and werewolves, baby ♪
♪ Scratchin' at your door ♪
Hey, it's me.
I need your help.
- You're a vampire?
- You had no right to turn her.
We wanted to see
what was so special.
I feel like a goddess.
It is more gruesome
than you could realize.
Ahh!
- I'm lonely.
- Me too.
You can move with your thoughts.
- Shut up!
- Where are we?
Danny's old place.
- Danny?
- My fiancée.
Danny...
Bridget?
Quick...
what's the world's most
rapidly evaporating resource?
- Ahh!
- Oil?
What is that?
Something in the bushes.
Water? Fresh air?
Not even close.
♪ It's gone ♪
♪ But I don't even know ♪
♪ Like a steam drill... ♪
When's the last time
you were truly alone?
Remember the guy
who took your picture?
Yeah.
When you didn't
think to yourself...
- Classic.
- Yeah.
Classic shot.
"Somebody's watching me"?
A man can wander for
an eternity these days
before finding a place where
he can be himself, let go...
- We don't want any trouble.
- Sorry.
...howl at the moon.
How did we let this happen to us?
♪ Was living for the heart... ♪
Um... see ya.
Yeah, good night.
Thank you.
♪ Ain't love just like
fumbling in the dark? ♪
♪ She's gone 7 ♪
♪ 7 or 8 days ♪
♪ She's gone where
I don't even know ♪
Why do we insist on looking
when our every impulse
tells us...
♪ She's gone 7... ♪
"Look away"?
Ahh!
♪ She's gone where
I don't even know ♪
Maybe it's because we all
have something to hide.
♪ Dust the cage... ♪
That thing we bury down deep...
♪ Dog's under the porch light ♪
♪ Sleeping with
his one eye open ♪
♪ Open for... ♪
beat back into the darkness
with everything we have.
We're secretly hoping to see
that the monster inside
each of us is inside us all.
There it is.
Look hard enough, you'll see it.
You will be seen.
Ah!
It's OK.
It's just some clothes.
Go ahead.
It was over a mile north of here.
Who are you?
Seriously, chief,
just get dressed.
You're not the only one
who's uncomfortable.
You know, you suck
at being a werewolf.
It's almost offensive.
What are you talking about?
I told you.
It's OK.
Name's Ray.
I'm a werewolf, too.
Come on, man.
Don't be like that.
You took my clothes.
Least you could do is talk to me!
Sorry, I don't talk to
delusional people.
You know I'm telling the truth.
It's only been a coupe of hours
since your last change.
Your senses are still blazing.
You could smell what I am.
Oh, for crying out loud, Josh!
How do you know my name?
I been at this a while, you know?
I can help you.
How?
Once a month, I'm an animal,
a killer.
I have to run away from
my home, my friends, everyone.
I have to protect
the world from myself!
And I can help you with that.
We could look out for each other.
We keep everyone safe.
What do you say?
Thanks for the clothes.
Oh, come on! Josh!
We're late.
Shower up.
Why are you dressed
like a douche?
Because a douche
gave me these clothes.
No, sorry, a werewolf douche
gave me these clothes.
- Seriously?
- Oh, I'm dead serious.
Yeah, Ray the werewolf.
He's been watching me.
No.
Yes!
Just when I start to think
that there's hope,
like, real hope for me to be
just like everybody else,
I wake up and I'm in hell!
I'm in hell! I died
and now I'm actually in hell!
What happened to you?
We were just talking
about how I'm in hell,
but whatever,
let's talk about you.
I just spent my night
watching Danny and Bridget
simper and swoon over each other.
If I had bodily fluids,
I'd spew them.
Who is Bridget?
My best friend since 3rd grade
who I now realize
is also a brutal whore.
You can come and go
as you please now.
Yeah. Why didn't
you just leave?
I didn't have control.
Apparently, I go
wherever my mind goes.
I didn't wanna watch
Danny and Bridget, so I left.
But then I couldn't stop
thinking about them together.
Next thing I know, wham!
You're watching them.
It's a vicious cycle!
Why are you dressed
like a douche?
Josh met another werewolf.
Aw!
. Who's stalking him.
Ew.
I'm gonna shower.
What do I do?
Well, I'll tell you what you do.
You be strong
and you focus on other things.
Maybe I'll have your willpower
after being around
for a century or two.
Blood drop 3427.
Blood, 3427.
Hold up!
What are you doing?
I'm transferring Mr. Shaw.
Really? Where?
There aren't any beds here.
You sure?
I was sent by Dr. Prindaar.
Maybe you could check.
Robyn?
Can you get this gentleman's
paperwork started?
We'll get you
all squared away, Mr. Shaw.
You think I don't know how many
beds I have available?
No, no, it's just that
Dr. Prindaar said...
Dr. Prindaar is
what's clinically known as
a jackass and a coward.
I already informed
Dr. Prindaar
that I don't have
any space for Mr. Shaw.
That's why he had
a dopey, doe-eyed,
sad-looking orderly
bring him down here.
He thought I'd have mercy
'cause you're doe...
And sad-looking.
I get it.
Go.
I don't know, man,
but it's one of
the drawbacks of...
Hey, there he is!
- What are you doing here?
- You ready to talk, chief?
- It's Ray.
- Yeah, thanks.
You have to leave.
All I'm asking for
is one cup of coffee.
- Know what?
- Can we have a minute?
He knows where I work?
That we're roommates?
Can I just say something?
You want me to hang out
with this lunatic? Seriously?
Josh, you are a rare breed,
but don't you think
it might be good
to spend a little time
with someone like you?
No. Not really.
The one thing
I've been able to do
with this thing
I carry around with me
is keep it small.
OK? I deserve to contain
my own private hell.
And now this guy pops up,
and suddenly there's two of us.
If I let him in, Aidan,
it all gets bigger.
You may only change once a month,
but your anxiety about
who you are, what you are,
it consumes you.
It is not small.
Dr. Smith, please call 7428.
One cup of coffee.
Tomorrow.
Sweet!
That's awesome, bro!
We're not bros.
You rough with all the girls,
or is it just a thing with me?
- What do you want, Rebecca?
- Just to talk.
I know you hate me,
but you're the only one
who understands.
What?
Just try to remember for a second
that you give a damn about me.
I need you to get me out.
Or just...
God, just end this now!
You wanna get away from
Bishop just like that.
Bishop is just the tip
of the whole nasty pile
of blood-lusting garbage.
'Cause the last I remember,
you were having
the time of your life
tearing through innocent people.
I thought it made me strong,
invincible.
I'm the weakest thing on earth.
But the rush, the fantasy of
how I'd kill, when I'd kill,
it's gone.
It's like I snapped out
of twilight sleep,
and now I can hear
people whimper,
see the fear in their eyes.
I hate what I am...
what I've become.
I can't stop.
I can't fight it.
Not by myself.
It's... It's not your fault.
You didn't choose.
No, I didn't.
But everything I've done
since turning...
I could stop.
You stopped.
It's not that easy.
But you could help me.
I don't know.
You wanted to help me.
Doesn't "better late than never"
count for anything anymore?
What time does the game start?
7:30.
We should be done just in time.
Ugh, vomit!
- Do you have a strainer?
- Yup.
Bottom-right cabinet.
You know, we could've
ordered in some pizza.
You didn't have to cook.
I love cooking.
Ha! Please!
I never knew
you were a baseball fan.
- That's because she's not.
- Oh yeah!
And you like to cook.
No, she really can't.
You should taste it
before you judge.
"Oh, Danny,
I love baseball and cooking
"and being a slut and lying.
"Will you please do me?"
Look, what is this?
What are we doing here?
It's dinner and baseball.
Yeah, I don't care about dinner
and I don't care
about the Red Sox game.
All I keep thinking about
is what happened the other night.
I was wondering if we were
gonna act like nothing happened.
Wanna know what's happening?
I'll tell you...
But then you came over
and it hit me: Why do that?
...and you're about to make
a huge mistake!
Because of Sally.
Sally! Yes!
Thank you for caring!
What about us?
I mean, we're still here.
And so am I!
Holy crap!
Did I just?
- Let me...
- I did just do that!
I don't know what happened.
- I happened!
- That was weird.
♪ I know it isn't right... ♪
- Stop!
- Wait.
I can't do this.
Don't you ever...
I don't know.
Don't you ever feel
like she's watching?
Well, I don't know about that.
♪ Who you gonna
run to now... ♪
Maybe this is a bad idea.
I think I should go.
"Hey, Josh,
how about a cup of coffee...
"and a 10-mile hike
through the woods?"
"Sounds great, Ray!"
Couldn't do this
in a coffee shop!
We need to be out here.
- For what?
- Your education.
You're a dangerous man,
to yourself and to others.
Think I don't know that?
So we're gonna teach you
to transform safely.
Rule number one:
No one gets hurt.
All right?
We don't wanna kill anyone
or turn them.
Am I right?
So, what's rule number 2?
Well, normally,
you steer clear of vampires,
but you've already
crapped the bed on that one.
What's the deal there, anyway?
Anytime I've ever
been around vamps,
they're breaking
their foot off in my ass.
No, Aidan's not like that.
He's one of the good ones.
Oh sure, he must be part of that
soft-and-cuddly sect of vampires
I've been hearing about.
Hey, how'd you find me, anyway?
Same way I find any of us:
papers, websites.
I look for patterns.
Gloucester has so
strange animal deaths.
You tore up a lot of deer
in these woods, my friend.
Have you, um...
Are there others?
Not in these woods.
This is it!
This is what?
School.
You change into
a werewolf in here?
Nah.
Somebody stumbles
across this place,
you'll both be screwed.
Nah, this place,
it's just somewhere to
keep your stuff dry and safe.
Now...
the key to an easy-and-simple
werewolf transformation
is preparation.
First thing to pack
is a change of clothes,
naturally!
Next up we have wet wipes
to clean yourself off.
I prefer fresh scent.
You look like a citrus guy.
Disposable cell phone
for emergencies.
- Right.
- Water.
For before and after.
I've found that the change
goes a little smoother
if you're hydrated.
PB-and-J, in case you don't eat
while you're changed.
Has your stomach adjusted yet?
Adjusted to what?
A wolf's stomach processes
food different than a person's.
First few times after changing,
I found myself throwing up
all the animals that I'd eaten.
Wolf would chow down
on some crazy stuff.
That ever happen to you?
I think the wolf
eats its own poo.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's the worst.
Are you sure this isn't safer
than running around out there?
I mean, no one's safe
with us roaming the forest.
That's where this guy comes in!
What is that, a steak?
Rump roast, to be exact!
Now, we have about a couple
of hours or so after sunset
before we change, right?
Yeah.
So we use this time
to take our little friend here
for a walk, right?
Using this place
as a centre point,
we walk around in a circle,
about a mile or so in diameter.
That night, you change.
Wolf will pick up the scent
and spend his evening
hunting down this
delicious bit of prime beef!
So, the wolf just
walks around in a circle.
No straying,
no running into Bambi.
Ha!
What's rule number one?
No one gets hurt.
That's right!
Did you bring it?
God, I'm starving!
That's not as potent
as what you're used to.
Works for you, doesn't it?
It's not the same rush
as the live stuff.
It's methadone.
It's powdered milk.
It's blood!
Also, it tastes not...
It just takes some
getting used to.
Rebecca, that was...
- I can't do this.
- ...all I brought.
No, I gotta go.
I gotta...
- Hey, hey, hey. Come here.
- No!
Listen, you're gonna be OK.
You're gonna be all right.
♪ I know
I got to run away... ♪
- I haven't eaten in days.
- OK, uh...
I can get more.
I just need to
go back to the house.
No...
♪ You don't really want ♪
♪ Any more from me ♪
Stay.
♪ To make things right
You need someone... ♪
Please, Aidan.
Don't do this.
Please, Aidan.
Just...
♪ But I'm sorry
I don't pray that way... ♪
Vampire blood...
ain't much better
than hospital blood.
It's good.
You taste good.
♪ Tainted love ♪
♪ Tainted love ♪
Oh, that was good.
That...
That can't happen again.
Why?
It's not like we killed anybody.
Rebecca, I wanna help you.
I do. But...
I've been here before.
Blood leads to bloodlust.
Bloodlust leads to bloodshed.
No.
No, no, no, no.
We have to nip it in the bud.
So that's it?
I have to live
like an anorexic nun?
I think this might be
too much for me.
The longer that you abstain,
the more that you will appreciate
the reason why you're doing it.
You're so full of it.
You know it felt good
to bite into flesh,
drink it till
you can't see straight.
I needed to feed.
But I think maybe
you needed this more.
Ah...
And I think...
maybe...
you might still be hungry.
Mmm!
Oh!
And they're picking up
the glass I knocked over,
and then he gives her
the "I'm gonna make out
with you" look.
No, he didn't!
Actually, he didn't,
because I was all: "Ahh!"
And then they heard it
or they felt it
because then they just stopped.
- You pencil jammed him!
- From beyond the grave.
It was the Death Star
of pencil jams.
Hey, there he is!
Hey, man.
What's shaking?
Hey, Ray.
You split Danny
and your friend up?
Yeah. Yeah.
And I broke a wine glass
with my brain.
- Who's ready for crepes?
- Oh, hell yeah!
So, you guys really hit it off.
Yeah, the man knows
his way around a rump roast.
He knows his stuff.
You all right?
You look a little off.
- Uh...
- I know that look.
Someone got some stink
last night.
Oh, I see it!
Did you?
Did you?
Did you get some stink?
Yeah, I'm not pulling that off.
You want a crepe?
No.
Hey, you were right, actually.
Ray's a pretty decent guy.
He doesn't have a place to stay.
I was thinking maybe he could
crash here for a while.
Really? Because
we hardly know him.
Well, you're the one who
told me to give him a chance.
So, what...
you worried about having more
than one werewolf in the house?
Of course not!
Good.
Hold on. Can you talk
this over with Sally?
Think of those two...
My god! Seriously?
...getting all up
on each other.
If not for you,
there definitely would have
been digital manipulation.
Yeah!
She's cool with it.
♪ I feel like selling my things ♪
♪ I feel like being alone ♪
♪ Can't tell if
I'm all confused ♪
♪ After I hung up the phone ♪
♪ Glad to hear
you're feeling stronger ♪
♪ And that you're ready to grow ♪
♪ Did you know that
I was in your way ♪
♪ Thanks for saying it
Now I know ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Ooh so this is how
these things go ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
♪ So this is how these things ♪
♪ Check-out in the end... ♪
We need another round.
I wanna make a toast to my
favourite time of the month.
The moon's almost ripe.
Everything we are
is just under the skin.
Strength is there.
Senses are heightened.
You smell that?
What?
Women.
You ever have sex
around this time?
Hey, Chuck.
How are you?
Nope.
It's crazy train. Yeah.
I haven't had any relationships
since this happened to me.
Yeah, I don't want
anyone to get hurt.
Rule number one, right?
I'm not asking
about relationships.
I'm asking about bangin'.
Women love the wolf.
You guys hungry?
Wanna see some menus?
Um...
I'm hungry, but what I want
ain't on the menu.
Wow, that's original.
I'm sorry if that was crass,
but I'm just trying
to cut through all the bull.
I'm telling the truth.
I think you're
drop-dead beautiful.
Well, go on.
I want to buy you a drink,
maybe 2, and see what happens.
But I'm willing to bet
that after a drink, maybe 2,
we end up in bed.
Well, I don't drink.
Here's my number.
I get off at 1:00.
I'll actually take
some potato skins.
Is that the wolf or was that you?
Does it matter?
The day before the day
we're a little
of both, aren't we?
You should try it sometime.
No, that's not really my style.
It's not just about getting laid.
It's about grabbing life
by the throat.
And making it sing.
That's why they hate us,
you know?
Vampires are dead
and we're alive,
so they beat us
and they kick us everyday
until our friend, the moon,
gets nice and fat.
Then it's our turn.
We get to sit on the throne
and shove their faces
into the street.
Do you have any idea what
the 2 of us can do to them
this time of the month?
Not all vampires are bad.
Aiden's different.
Aiden is different.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
To the wolf.
To the wolf.
♪ Yeah 'cause you wanna
tear me apart ♪
♪ You don't just want
to break me ♪
♪ You wanna tear me apart ♪
Great!
Where's my blood?
Where's my blood?
I'm sorry, man.
I had to make room
for those beauties.
Where is it?
It was an emergency, man.
You know, I didn't want
my "rumpers" to go bad.
Where?
It's right over there.
I figured you can get some more
down at the hospital, you know,
or just jump someone
down an alley.
Full moon's coming soon.
Yep! Can't wait for it.
Yeah, it's been great,
the help you've given Josh,
but you will be
moving on after this moon.
Yeah, I bet you like that, huh?
It'd be for the best.
Your welcome's wearing
a bit thin here.
Josh might have something
different to say about that.
Josh will do what's right.
Who's to say what's right, huh?
Some guy who's actually
shown him how to survive,
how to thrive,
or some undead thing
that lets him
tag along like a pet.
It's only a matter of time
before he realizes and sees you
for the leech you are.
Oh, you picked the wrong time
to screw with me, Ray.
What are you gonna do?
Rip me to shreds in this kitchen
and prove to your friend, Josh,
what a murderous scum
we both know you to be?
Is a bagel good
for a hangover?
Aiden.
Aiden?
Uh, what?
Hi.
Doe eyes.
How are you?
Fine.
I haven't been screamed at
by any nurses in a month or so.
Yeah. I'm...
I'm sorry about that.
It was a monster of a day,
and honestly,
it wasn't your fault.
Dr. Brown,
please pick up line 5.
It's really fine.
Let me buy you a...
Let me buy you a coffee.
Oh, that's OK.
No, please.
I insist.
- Thank you.
- Of course.
Um, I'll get the next one.
All right.
Uh...
So, are you hungry?
'Cause I am.
But what I want
ain't on this menu.
What menu?
Listen, I know you're
as busy as you are hot,
so I'm gonna make
this "swort and sheet".
Short and sweet.
What time do you get off?
Why?
'Cause I want to take you out,
buy you a drink...
maybe 2, maybe 3...
and 4.
And just see at happens.
And what do you think
is gonna happen?
Well, I'm willing to bet
that after that drink...
or 4,
we end up in sex.
In bed. Sexing in bed.
Or whatever.
Wow! Um,
that's pretty just...
Wow! Um, what's your name?
Josh.
Josh. Right, yeah.
Um, I'd like to continue
this conversation.
Really?
But I'm incredibly busy.
So busy, in fact,
that I don't have time
to go to Human Resources
and tell them what
a disgusting, harassing cretin
they have working here
as an orderly.
So, let's just say you talk
to me again, it's your ass.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
What was that?
What? I was channelling
my inner wolf.
OK. So the wolf never wants
to have sex again either.
Who taught you
this crap? Ray?
Ray? My friend, Ray?
Yeah, he did.
He taught me a lot of things.
What the hell's wrong with you?
I don't know.
Tell you what,
when you're off tonight,
wherever you've been for the
past who knows how many nights,
maybe it'll come to you.
You commit dating suicide
and suddenly it's about me?
Am I a jerk?
Why would I think that?
I use my otherworldly powers
to destroy relationships.
I'm a jerk, right?
Danny?
Why did it have to be Bridget?
You love Danny, right?
And Bridget?
When she's not rubbing her
bits all over my fiancée,
yeah, she's the best.
So what could be better
than 2 people that you love
coming together over the love
that they share for you?
They're not sharing
the love, Mr. Hallmark.
They're dancing on my grave.
Sally.
This life gets bitterly cold.
Sometimes you just
need to cling to the person
that you can claw your way
out of the dark with.
Danny and Bridget,
they may not be kismet,
but we all deserve
a shot at a normal life.
They do, you do.
You do.
Maybe.
Bridget, it's OK.
Bridget, I know you
probably can't hear me, but...
I don't know what else to do.
I need you to know that it's OK.
I get it.
Please, go to him.
Hello?
Is someone there?
This place is really nice.
Yeah.
And it's been around forever.
Uh, I think they redecorated.
The food looks good.
Really colourful.
Aiden.
Just, uh, just try.
Uh, so, how was your day anyway?
♪ All alone in the city ♪
♪ It's like I found my mind ♪
♪ Broken bottles ♪
♪ And broken bones ♪
♪ Keep dreaming
on the edge of the night ♪
♪ I don't wanna go ♪
♪ I don't wanna go back
to the city... ♪
School is over.
You have absorbed every morsel
of knowledge I have to offer.
Thanks, Ray.
I mean that.
What do you say we celebrate, eh?
Yeah, all right.
Where are we?
Shhh!
See that place?
They gorge themselves in there.
Who?
Who do you think?
They get so stuffed with blood,
they actually get stoned.
Filthy pigs.
Vampires? There are
vampires in there?
Yeah. See, this is
the kind of stuff
your boy, Aiden, is not gonna
be telling you about.
Come on!
That's why I want you
to know everything
that these leeches
are capable of!
Quit running!
I really don't think
we should be here.
This is absolutely where
we need to be tonight
while we're strong!
I'm proud of you, boy.
You're gonna follow my lead,
and enjoy the party.
Ready to pop some ticks?
Excuse me!
Wait! Wait!
Excuse me, sir.
No, thanks. I'm full.
Ray!
Ray, he's...
What? He's dead!
He died a long time ago.
How can you just stand there?
Don't you want some payback?
A little retribution for
all the crap we had to take
from pieces of garbage like this?
Day in, day out.
Well, look at this.
A couple of strays.
You want a piece of this?
Ray, let's go!
I think I have
a little room left.
Oh!
Well, that just
leaves you and I'm...
Ray, we need to get
the hell out of here now!
Hey, you're not
the only one that bites!
Wait!
Get out of here now!
He's mine!
We gotta go!
Come on!
That's it, Josh!
Tear him apart!
- Hey.
- Hi.
It's OK.
All right.
Well, what's OK?
This. Us.
We don't have to feel guilty.
I think Sally tried to tell me.
Tell you? What...
I... I guess.
I don't know.
I felt something.
A feeling of peace.
Wait, wait. What?
I think it was her.
I can't do this anymore.
Hey, sweetheart.
I can't.
It's OK, it's OK.
I brought you some.
I am not a monster,
neither are you.
But we are!
We are!
Everyday is gonna make us
want to rip our fingernails out
if we have to keep
living like this.
I can't go to a restaurant
and pretend to be human,
when all I want to do
is eat the table next to me.
I'm not that strong.
I will be strong for both of us.
I've been here before.
When you wake up in the morning,
you will feel better.
Hey, guys!
It's Danny!
Sally?
♪ Everyone's raining ♪
Are you here?
♪ Everyone's pouring ♪
♪ Everyone's hailing
Everyone's storming ♪
Sally, I...
♪ Everyone's raging ♪
Are you here?
♪ Everyone's roaring ♪
♪ Everyone's raining ♪
♪ Everyone's pouring ♪
♪ My love ♪
You should've seen the look
on his face when I bit him.
I mean, you know,
there's surprise
and there there's this-guy-
almost-bit my-cheek-off
kind of surprise.
I can't believe I just did that.
You need a beer, my friend.
S-s-seriously,
I don't do things like that.
I don't... I don't
beat men in alleys.
Those weren't men.
Be honest, though.
Felt good, didn't it?
Hey, look at me.
Hey. Hey.
Oh!
It's all right.
You all right?
I have been watching you, Josh.
And what I saw tonight...
...that look on your face
when you were tearing
that leech up...
there was joy in there.
You enjoyed it deep, deep down
where the wolf lives.
You know it felt good.
♪ Wolves and werewolves, baby ♪
♪ Scratchin' at your door ♪