Being Human (2008–2013): Season 2, Episode 2 - Serve God, Love Me and Mend - full transcript
Mitchell shelters Carl, an old vampire friend who has tried to 'be human' but killed again, (with his victim arriving at the hospital and intriguing Lucy). With help from Ivan and George, Mitchell gets Carl out of the country, but Nina, appalled, leaves George, running right into Kemp, who has been monitoring the house. Pathologist Quinn tells Mitchell that he once colluded with Herrick for money but, with Herrick gone, he has become honest again. Ivan forewarns Mitchell of things only getting worse. Meanwhile, Saul tells Annie he was dead for several minutes following a car crash and saw the same corridor she did. He also imagines that people on the television are addressing him personally and goading him into making Annie pass over. Ultimately, he cannot do it and goes through the door alone, but Annie finds herself regressed from the experience and that, once more, humans cannot see her - starting with Hugh, to whom she had just begun to get close.
I've applied for a job! As what?
Saul's a property developer.
You having another drink... or not?
Hey, Bouncer! We're not done yet.
- What's his name?
- Trevor.
Do we have joint custody?
Well, I might want to
visit him from time to time.
You gave me the curse. I'm a werewolf.
"Thy God who thou serveth continually,
"He will deliver thee. "
I wish you could see this.
Oh, we should go down
there, man! Have a drink.
This is fine.
Oh, come on, it's the
beginning of a new century!
I saw the last one.
Two girls dancing on a car out there.
Do you think people actually did that?
It's like... Fame.
Let me go. I've changed my mind.
That's tough. I'm not ready.
I remember saying that when
I was tied to the chair.
Just let me out. Just let me
go out onto the street and...
We can start tomorrow. We've
already started, Mitchell.
Dan! Let me out! Do you hear me?
Let me out, you queer, or
I'll rip your throat out!
Apologise. Piss off!
Mitchell, please apologise.
I'm sorry, Dan. I'm so sorry.
You OK? Yes. Just leave us.
How long's this going to take?
Depends. To do it
properly, maybe six months.
Why are you doing this?
Because it's what you'd
do for me, Mitchell.
So I chase him into someone's garden,
and he's struggling so much I'm
literally having to lie on him.
I'm thinking, "This has stopped being
heroic now, this has got kind of funny. "
Anyway, finally the police show up
and they arrest me for trespassing!
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great
George! Excellent. Come and
meet the gang. Saul you know.
Hey, George. Mm. And
this is my boss, Hugh.
George and I live together.
Hi. Hiya! All right?
So, that's the gang!
It's not really much of a
gang, is it? It's just Hugh.
Hugh is the gang! Kool & The
Gang! Except he's not very cool.
He's a member of Amnesty and he
has an AUTOMATIC driving licence.
That's me. Aw, love ya!
I promised Annie I'd visit.
I hope you don't mind.
Not at all. Two customers? We'll
be talking about this for years.
Oh, and Saul was just telling us he tried
to stop a burglar, but HE got arrested!
Yeah, so it takes me two hours
to convince them, but get this...
the policeman is looking for a
property like the one I was showing.
I make the sale, get
in, to the policeman.
That's unbelievable!
I know... Right... Isn't it? Yeah.
I've gotta scoot. I'm meeting my architect
at six at the site, so I'll pop by after?
Oh, OK, great! Oh, hurray
Man, I love this pub!
It's so authentic, you know?
Walk me to the door, land lover.
Aarrrgh! Aarrrgh!
Sorry... What can I get you?
Phff...! A Coke.
Someone's been sick in the shop.
Some days it's all about the poo
but today everyone's...
being... sick...
So that was weird. I don't
know how to talk to you.
I know I came on too strong
the other day, but now...
Oh, my God, I've become my flatmate.
OK, look. The replacement
goldfish you gave me.
Trevor. I love him,
we have such a laugh.
He was...
the perfect gesture. And that's
the speed I'm comfortable with.
Not forever, but just
until I get my head...
Trevor was genius.
So what do we do now?
Do I buy you another goldfish? No.
No, see, you've gone weird again.
How about a coffee?
I'm a huge fan of coffee.
All right, sir.
Cool.
So where are you going?
Paramedics just brought in a DOA.
I've got to go and declare him.
Mmm. Our lives are just
one long rollover week.
Whoa! Helen. Come and help.
Calm down... calm down.
What have we got here? Hi, everyone.
Yeah, found him in his
flat. Anonymous 999.
Forensics on their way. I just
need you to sign the thing.
Do you have a prime suspect?
You don't have to answer, I
just always wanted to say that.
We're, yeah, trying to find
the flatmate so... Hello.
Puncture marks on the neck.
It's probably a gay thing, isn't it?
A gay thing? Well,
yeah, one bedroom flat.
Tickets for Sister Act on the corkboard.
You don't need to be Columbo.
Was there much blood at the
scene? Not so's you'd notice.
The wounds are on an artery. He
should be drenched in the stuff.
So, puncture marks on the
neck, the body exsanguinated...
Drained of blood.
Now, what could that be?
Ladies and gentlemen,
somewhere in Bristol...
is a gay vampire.
Count Spectacular.
Mince of Darkness.
D'you know what..? I bet
he'd like to see my full moon!
Wouldn't he?
No?
Mitchell, I think you
should probably le... oh.
Hmm-mm.
What an interesting selection
of food. Well, I shall explain...
Thank you.
You've just done the night shift,
so for you it's breakfast time.
But, it's two in the afternoon,
so technically it's lunch.
The feast before you now has been
specifically designed to combine the
best bits of those two iconic meals.
Eggs Benedict, choc-ice, can
of ginger beer, cigarette.
Breakfast of champions.
Which isn't to say I
approve of your smoking.
I've just given up
the fight on that one.
Besides, you've done more to shorten
my life expectancy than these could.
Er... I'll let you get on.
Oh. Stay. Please. Stay, talk to me.
Look, I'll feel weird just sitting here,
you know eating on my own, come on.
There you go.
Right...
Eggs Benedict, a la George.
Another Perfect Recall.
Saul? What?
Saul? Who's that?
Hey, I'm over here.
For goodness sake. Over here!
That's right, Saul.
It's me, Terry Wogan.
Now look lively, we
haven't got much time.
I need to talk to you about
Annie, that lovely girl in the pub.
Annie? She's a cracker, isn't she?
I think you and she
make a smashing couple.
No... I... I want to help.
Nah, no. This is one of
them hidden-camera things.
'Fraid not. Nah it is. Oh,
Duncan, you absolute bastard!
This is about the corridor, Saul.
Perhaps you should sit down.
Until you had your little accident,
I can't say that I
paid you much attention.
But the minute you walked into that pub
and saw that lovely girl,
I knew I had to lend a hand.
"Terence", I thought, "Lend a hand. "
Look, I'm saying, "Tell
her about the accident".
The accident? And all the
interesting things you saw.
It'll make you seem
spiritual and vulnerable.
Oh, the ladies go potty for that.
Your face.
You look like you've seen a ghost.
George around? Upstairs.
Probably doing me a mix-tape.
I can imagine how hard this must be.
But there's stuff we can
teach you, me and George.
What, like "sit" and "fetch"?
Look, thank you. But I'm, I'm fine.
Really. I mean, I'm sure
"werewolf" didn't come up
when I spoke to my careers
teacher but... yeah...
But, yeah, life is full of
disappointments. So you adjust.
You move on to plan B.
Hey. I'm off. OK.
Um, it's shepherd's pie tonight.
I won't be home till late.
No worries. Pop it in the micro.
OK.
She seems to be... coping.
I know. It's terrifying, isn't it?
George I need to talk to you. So talk.
A dead body came in to the hospital.
Puncture wounds on the
neck, all the blood drained.
Thing is,
I know him.
OK, who is it? Well, one
of the times I properly
tried to stop drinking blood, I
was living with this vampire, Carl.
And he helped me. He's
been clean for like...
I don't know, like, 20 years now.
Did you...? Sorry. You
lived with someone before me?
What? Yeah, lots of people.
Lot... Who?!
Vampires...
People people... People, oh, I see.
Oh, God. Don't get all... What?
You! Don't get all you about this.
Of course I've lived with other people.
Do you think I've spent the
last 100 years waiting for you
and your three different types
of upholstery cleaner to show up?
Anyway.
After me, he lived with
this other guy, Dan, a human.
And that's the body that came in.
So you think your friend killed him?
No. No.
That's, no. They were lovers,
Carl adored him. Well, have
you spoken to him, to Carl?
He's disappeared. He's disappeared?
It could have been
anyone. He's not like...
Oh... if after all this
time even he can't...
It could have been anyone.
What will you do about the body?
There's a process. It'll be fine.
No, sorry, then I don't understand. How did
it get to the point where there is a body?
I said it's fine. I just want to
know what's happened that's all.
Oh, hiya!
How did your meeting
with the architect go?
'Welcome to Perfect
Recall. ' Uh. Yeah. Fine.
Hugh's gone to visit his
dad, so I'm in charge.
I think they're quite
close. I hope he's all right.
'Let's play Round Two. '
I almost died.
What? And I thought, you
know, because we're friends,
it was something you should know.
Well, wh... what happened?
I had a car accident.
I fell asleep at the wheel and drove
into a bollard. No-one was hurt.
Well, I was.
It's hard to believe, but
I was pretty mashed up.
In fact,
I was technically dead
for about six minutes.
You poor thing, that's, um... awful.
But that's not the, um...
The thing that makes it
still present in my mind,
is what I saw.
Well, what did you see?
It's stupid...
No, no... please.
There was a corridor.
Bright white.
Like in the films.
Except it wasn't, because
it was frightening. Like when you
dream and you have this terror.
Were you alone? No.
There were men there.
Men with sticks and rope.
I've seen it. What?!
A few years ago I was attacked.
It left me...
...but I, I saw it.
I saw that exact same thing.
This is insane!
For years I have wanted to talk
to someone about this but...
What on earth made you tell me?
Just felt right, you know?
Intuition.
It's been a real pleasure
to have you with us.
Good work, son.
Afterwards... I, er,
I called the police from a phone-box.
I didn't want him left alone.
It was quiet in the flat, you see...
He hated the quiet. What happened, Carl?
I'd been dreaming about blood.
And that frightened me.
When it happened...
...he didn't even look
frightened, he looked disappointed.
You think you're free
of it, but it finds you.
All those years without
it, it's like a bill...
that has to be paid. OK. Look,
this will take a bit of handling,
so for the time being stay here.
Why did you let him die?
Why didn't you recruit
him? Because he was kind.
And if I had, when he came back,
he may not have been kind any more.
Mitchell...
You're a celebrity, you know.
Yeah, so people keep telling me.
No, he is not staying. George...
No, I'm trying to create some
semblance of normality for Nina,
and you bring this into our house?
"This"? Don't call him "this".
Mitchell, it's not just your
house, it's not just your decision.
It's what you'd do for me.
Now it won't take long.
I promise. Mitchell...
Transcripts from the house.
17:00 hours yesterday
till 15:00 hours today.
There's a section you should look at.
It's a conversation between the
Type 1 and the lover of the Type 3.
The nurse. Until now we thought
she was just a sympathiser, but...
"There's stuff we can teach you.
"Like 'sit' and 'fetch', thank
you, but I'm fine really I mean
"I'm pretty sure 'werewolf'
"didn't come up when I
spoke to my careers teacher,
"but life is full of disappointments. "
The possession has spread.
Forgive me for saying, sir,
but I don't understand why we
haven't contained them already.
The three types have never
cohabitated like this before.
The professor believes it
presents a valuable opportunity
to watch them "interact".
What's more, all three have
now constructed identities
that allow them to present
themselves as human.
Yes. But what do you think?
Beasts should be put in cages.
Infections should be cauterized.
As I'm sure this young lady would agree.
The next full moon is in 22
days and we don't have a Type 3.
Saul says that you have to look
at the recession as opportunity.
Saul says that's what
development is all about.
In Japan crisis and opportunity
are even the same word, Saul says.
Hmm. But he couldn't quite remember
if it was Japanese or Chinese.
You are being careful, aren't you?
Thanks, but I think I'm a bit old and
dead for the contraception conversation.
You've only been here a week and you've
already got two blokes chasing after you.
Things could get messy, and the
last thing we need is more messy.
Two blokes? Yes, two...
Saul and, er... Hugh.
Hugh? He's like a brother to me!
Oh, promise me you will never tell
him that. I think he's really sweet!
Really sweet? Oh, my God, why
not just stab him in the face?!
A brother? Annie trust me,
the only man who would ever
want to hear that is your
actual brother. Well, no, I...
I think you're wrong about him. I
don't think he sees me like that.
Fine. Saul clearly does. Saul
and I have a lot in common.
What's that supposed to mean?
Listen, you've got to let me do this.
OK, I cannot spend the rest
of eternity just... spectating.
I don't want you to
get hurt, that's all.
No, neither do I.
But that risk, it's
all part of the deal.
Are you sure about Hugh?
I know that look.
I've given people that look.
Usually while they're giving
that look to someone taller.
See you back at the ranch.
Still got it.
You must be Nina.
I'm Carl. Friend of Mitchell's.
I'll be staying for a couple of days.
Yeah. I saw him at work.
I'll try to stay out of
your way. I just, er...
Everyone had gone to bed
so I thought I'd sneak down.
Do what you want. It's not my house.
Did Mitchell tell you why I'm here?
He told me enough.
You're not in any danger.
I want you to know that.
You killed someone.
Sounds pretty dangerous to me.
You don't understand.
You got that right.
Don't be too hard on George.
He'll know what he's done. And
if he loves you just a fraction...
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
This is your business, how precisely?
Well, it isn't. There's a...
Just felt important
that I say that to you.
Two months ago, I lost control,
the worst that could happen was...
But now?
We shouldn't be in houses, in
streets, where there's children.
There are safeguards
you can put in place.
Things go wrong. Christ knows
we're both proof of that.
I'm... I'm radioactive
now. That's how it feels.
Trust me. He knows what he's done.
Is that my shepherd's pie?
Mmm.
Quite possibly.
George made it.
It's good.
Mmm. He's a good cook.
So, Gay Vampire Man.
Are you actually calling him that?
It's shorthand. We use it all the time,
like, "creepy self-harm girl"
or "accidentally-sat-on-wine-bottle
man" so "gay vampire man".
Forensics do their thing and the
body gets taken to the pathologist.
I bet you anything the cause of
death will be completely dull.
Exactly, it looks exciting,
but it'll turn out that
the guy had a heart attack. And
the wounds on his neck were because,
I don't know,
the cat started to eat him.
And there was loads of blood, but
the policeman missed it because,
well, clearly he was an idiot!
You'd actually find that
disappointing, wouldn't you?
I'm in a new city, I have no social
life, apart from West Wing box-sets.
You've no idea how much a gay
vampire would liven up my week.
So what did the pathologist say?
Heart attack. Mmm.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Mmm, but I haven't finished.
The police aren't satisfied with
that, so they've asked the coroner
to commission a second post-mortem
with a different pathologist
and the coroner's approved it.
Who's the coroner?
He did say the name...
Quincy? No, no, he's
the one on TV. Quinn.
That's him.
Isn't it great? The plot thickens.
So, I was thinking that we
could go out this afternoon.
If... if you're free, obviously.
Erm, we could see a
film. What... me and you?
Yeah. But don't feel
obligated or anything,
you can say no and we'll just be
weird with each other from now on,
and that's absolutely fine. No.
I'd like that very much. Smashing.
Good. Good.
Great, yeah.
I'm just gonna go over there
and sneak glances at you
from behind my copy of
Take A Break. All right.
Get in!
I've got my eye on you.
You're not the only one!
You might have Annie fooled
with your face and your... hair,
but you don't fool me.
What's so funny? Oh, God...
You.
You're funny.
Anyway, too late. Annie just
asked me to see a movie with her.
Annie did?
Mmm, what would you recommend?
I won. You lost.
Move on.
I'll see you later, yeah? Mm-hmm.
Two days ago a DOA
came in to the hospital.
The pathologist said the cause
of death was a heart attack.
The police weren't satisfied so they
applied for a second post-mortem,
which you approved.
And? The man was killed by a vampire.
I know. I thought we were clear.
The pathologist does what he can,
but if it gets bumped up, you kill it.
It doesn't get bumped up.
Herrick keeps things away
from my desk. Herrick's gone.
I'm handling this. What happened to him?
Politics.
That figures. I've not had
my envelope for six weeks now.
We're in a transitional period.
Even so, the deal... The deal's off.
Do you want a raise?
Is that what this is
about? The deal is off.
I caught a glimpse of what
my life would have been like
without this.
For ten years,
I've been abetting the
slaughter of fathers and mothers
and daughters and sons.
Herrick said your kind were
a facet of nature, like
a tiger or an earthquake.
You're not,
you're just murderers.
You think it's noble, what you're doing?
It's suicide.
We all have a role. One slip, one
fucking Road to Damascus moment,
and everything gets exposed.
But it won't just be the
vampires, it'll be everyone.
All the people that cover for us.
Then I shall take the consequences.
I want to look my
grandchildren in the eye,
even if it's just for a day.
Some say you had to drug him first, others
say you begged for a place in the New World,
and when Herrick refused, you killed
him. I've even heard he escaped
and is building an army in
Europe. What really happened?
You know, I'm curious.
He came in.
I changed.
I tore his head off.
Fair enough.
I don't give a shit about Herrick.
Right, so what is this about? Do
you remember when you were a kid?
Mmm? Everything seemed
so important to you.
You'd feel such rage, such love.
Then you get older and it's as
though the years have worn all
that passion away and at
237, I don't feel anything.
So I wake up, I drink
coffee... I think about you.
I assume I should kill you.
Look, I know you screwed Daisy.
But what did you tell her?
What did you say,
that made her feel again?
It's complicated, er...
She was going to kill her daughter...
.. and I convinced her not to. Oh.
I wanted it to be something
I could understand.
I never had kids.
What about you...? Are you erm,
are you with someone at the moment?
I mean, you know, in general?
Like a girlfriend? Uh-huh.
You love her?
Very much. Ah.
That must be nice.
Seven quid for the
tiniest bag of sweets?!
Mind if I put the telly on?
I mean, I know I haven't
been to the cinema in a while,
but seven quid? It's like
we're living in Zimbabwe.
Did you spend the entire film
thinking about the sweets? HE LAUGHS
What's so funny?
Oh, sorry. What can I get you? Wine?
Oh, um, no, I'm fine, thanks.
Coffee? Goes straight through me.
Are you hungry? I've got olives and
these weird Italian biscuit things.
Erm, I actually... I don't like
to eat or drink in front of people.
It's a bit bonkers, I know, but,
yeah... Please, you go ahead.
Hello. Hello.
Oh, er, cheers.
Cheers.
Is it the football?
What? The news, is there a match on?
Oh, um. Yeah. Does it bother you?
No, no, no, go for it.
Go on. She wants you to.
She's so pretty, go on.
Your flat's beautiful.
So are you. Go on, give her a kiss.
Go on. Girls like a
kiss. Give her a kiss.
Cheers. That's it. Go on.
I'm so glad I met you.
That's it. Go on.
Ditto. Go on.
I think it was a higher power. I
think it was fate. Can I kiss you?
What? Now? Today? She's ready. Go on.
Get in. Come on.
Take control, take charge. Go on, then.
You know what you want to do and you
know what I want you to do, so go on then.
Jesus, Saul! You're so cold...
Come on, son! Come on!
Give it some!
What the fuck was that?!
The door's locked. What?!
Get undressed.
Shit.
You did what?
Sort of disappeared.
Right. But that's OK because by
disappeared you mean got away.
Oh, Mitchell, you been working
out? Oh, that's just fantastic!
He was all over me! It was a reflex!
But he's a human, he's a civilian!
This is the last thing I need right now.
Oh, no, you're right, he should have
picked a more convenient time to assault me.
That's not what I meant
and you know it. OK. OK!
One thing at a time! God!
Annie, Annie, are you all right?
Yes. A bit shaken. But thank you.
Good. Now then, Saul.
Even if he were to say something,
no-one would believe him.
"This girl just teleported out of
my room. " They'll think he's crazy.
Well, let's hope so.
You know, I think it's a bit rich,
you taking the moral high ground.
I think I'm owed a couple
of screw-ups. Annie, sssh.
For the time being, stay in the house.
If Saul comes looking for you,
then we'll... Well, I don't know.
We'll get rid of him.
Well, what about my job?
My shift starts in half
an hour. What about Hugh?
Oh, you can forget about the job. What?!
Look, can you just go away,
please, you're really not helping.
With pleasure. Carl!
He's not here. What? Where is he?
I don't know, he's
your murdering fugitive.
If you want to keep him,
you've got to look after him.
What is it with me and
volatile unsuitable men?
Be honest with me, am I Ulrika Jonsson?
And thank you, for not
saying "I told you so. "
As if I would. You
were thinking it though.
I'm not. Yeah, you were.
I am not!
I...
I wanted to get some photos. I realised
I didn't have any photos to take with me.
Carl, there's a problem. The
coroner won't cover for us any more.
What?
I don't think he'll go to
anyone, but he won't lie.
So if they come to him,
if they ask him what he's done,
he'll tell them. He'll be destroyed.
He says the compromise is
worse than the punishment.
And if all this comes out, first
they'll come looking for you.
The police, everyone.
They will tear the city apart.
So we need to get you out of here.
But then they'll come
for you. Not necessarily.
You spoke to him, you identified
yourself as a point of contact.
If they can't find me,
they'll come for you.
Why? Why, why is he doing it?!
Because we're murderers, Carl. Herrick
used to say we were like a secret...
Herrick?! Herrick was a
bigot and a megalomaniac,
they say shit like
that, Mitchell. I know.
I was safe...
.. and look what happened.
Maybe it's time to stop. No, no, no.
You're not ready, not yet.
I'm so tired.
OK. Listen, here's what
we're going to do...
# Serve God, love me and men
# This is not the end
# Live unbruised we are friends
# And I'm sorry
# I'm sorry... #
Police. Yeah, hi, erm...
I'd like to report an incident
I saw earlier on today...
Yeah, I saw this guy breaking
and entering into a crime scene...
Look, I'm, I'm just telling
you what I've seen, OK...
# Sigh no more, no more... #
Oh, I have to go.
OK, OK, bye. Thank you.
# My heart was never pure... #
Andy, just need your signature...
# And you know me... #
# Oh man is a giddy thing
# Serve God, love me and men
# This is not the end
# Live unbruised we are friends
# And I'm sorry... #
We'll bring you more on the
developing situation in Stockholm
following that reported
explosion, as we get it.
Now the headlines again...
All women are whores.
Mate, I am so sorry. What a bitch,
leading you on like that.
It just goes to show you,
they're whores, every one.
Although that's hardly
fucking news, right?
You don't understand. She disappeared.
Ye-eah.
We were gonna tell you about that.
OK, here's the thing...
Annie's dead.
What? Well, it's
complicated. She's in limbo.
She should be here with us,
but she's turned death down.
It's pissed off some
very important people.
They want her back.
Annie... Annie's dead?
Yeah, it's a lot to take in, I know.
Look, pour yourself a nice big drink
and I'll tell you all about it.
Tell you what, I'll join you!
And then afterwards, maybe
you'd like to go for a drive,
to clear your head.
Ow! Annie?
Oh, Hugh. I'm so sorry.
I should have called.
Are you OK? You didn't turn up
for your shift, I was worried.
Oh, gosh. Were we rushed off our feet?
You have been to my pub, haven't you?
I rung a few times but
there was no answer. So I...
Right, that was you.
I thought it was Saul,
so I didn't answer.
Right.
We, erm, spent the
afternoon together. Right.
He...
It didn't go very well. So now
I'm peeping through letter boxes
and not answering phones.
That's generally a bad sign. Mmm.
Would you like a cup of tea?
Oh, please.
Take your pick. Are you
expecting people or...?
Oh, no, I just like to make tea.
Oh!
Which one's yours? None of them.
I don't like to eat or
drink in front of... people.
Wow! I sound mental.
Not at all!
We all have eccentricities.
You know, when I was a kid, I
used to make Plasticine models
of Tessa Sanderson and Fatima Whitbread
and I used to make them have fights.
Let's never discuss that.
Oh...
What happened?
I mean, you don't have to tell me.
What did he do? You know,
it's none of my business.
You going to see him again?
I never liked him.
But, obviously, you might make
it work, in which case I'll...
No, he's a twat.
I...
I wanted to be normal.
A normal girl...
...kissing a normal boy.
I wanted to escape...
...Just for a second. Escape from what?
Me.
The girl who can't eat or drink.
But she's wonderful.
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry...
It's fine, it's fine.
Then why did you...?
Annie, I've wanted to kiss
you from the moment I saw you.
But not like this.
All my life I've been
the consolation prize.
And I can't do that any more.
You're so beautiful.
I'd move mountains, I'd kill bears.
But I need you to want to kiss ME.
So what do we do?
I'll wait.
It's you.
This whole time, there you were.
So, what now?
Well, it's no longer a murder
investigation because of your suicide.
It's now just a misplaced body.
It's weird and it's embarrassing,
but no-one's going to make
much of a fuss about it.
So I become an admin
error, just forgotten?
Yeah, I guess so.
50 years and still the same car.
Been keeping her in storage.
You know what it's like.
If it goes, has a good body
and you like being inside it,
why get rid of it? It's a
recipe for a happy marriage too.
Why did it have to be Ivan?
You said it was some kind
of merchant ship, right?
Yeah, I know the captain.
They've got papers for Carl.
Do you reckon he could
pass as Brazilian?
Yeah, maybe. I'll go and get him.
Thanks for doing this, Ivan. I
just want to get this over with.
What, you think this ends tonight?
This is just the beginning!
Today it's Carl, tomorrow
it's someone else.
Like I said, you're sliding into
chaos, and there's no safety net.
They've been in hiding since Herrick
died, but they'll get hungry soon,
then you'll be waking up
to headlines about vampires.
What are they discussing do you
think? I don't know. Come on.
If we did declare ourselves,
not the way Herrick wanted,
but if we could just stop hiding.
What, are you imagining some
kind of peaceful co-existence?
It'd be chaos! Worldwide panic.
Good news for religion,
mind, especially Christianity.
There'd be standing room only
in the churches all of a sudden.
As soon as they knew about vampires,
they'd know about werewolves,
they'd know about
ghosts. They'd be next.
And when humanity had
finally finished with us,
it would turn on itself.
First the other religions,
massively in the minority now,
then the homosexuals, the disabled...
Do you want to know what
the future looks like?
Enforced worship in churches a mile high
and every country surrounded
by a coral reef of bones.
But fuck it. Maybe it should happen.
There's nothing on TV at the moment.
Hey, Carl! You ready, killer?
Thank you for helping me.
To be honest,
I'm only doing this because
Mitchell asked me to.
I don't think you should get away.
That makes two of us.
Look after him.
Come on, Mitchell.
Take care of yourself.
OK, two rules for Ivan's car
- no food or drink
and I get to choose the music.
And tonight we shall be
listening to Miss Kate Bush.
Hey, George!
Daisy says hi.
# Out on the wiley, windy moors
# We'd roll and fall in green... #
There was a time when you
wouldn't have done this.
I only set off the fire
alarm. No, you didn't.
He's been involved in a road traffic
accident. He's got a serious head injury.
There was two other vehicles.
Is there any more, any more?
Come on, Saul.
Shit.
The fire crew had to cut
him out. They think he was...
There was a vodka bottle
on the seat next to him.
Was anyone else hurt?
That's why he's in here.
There were two spare beds in ICU,
but the couple in the
car he hit have got those.
Oh, my God.
George. Can I talk to you?
Erm, yep.
Yeah.
I'll be just outside. OK.
And should that...?
Should that, should that be on, George?
Oh...
Mitchell!
Look, this is getting insane, so the
suicide who came in a few hours ago,
the one who killed Gay
Vampire Guy... Uh-huh?
The body's gone.
The body of that man who was staying
at the house, a body that I saw
get declared dead three
hours ago. How about that?!
Yeah, but I declared
him. And was he breathing?
Always check that, cos if they're
breathing, they're usually not dead.
Mitchell, this is... this is serious.
I mean, what if I got it wrong? What
if he was alive and just woke up?
Can you imagine how that would look?
You let him out?
The dead man from the morgue.
We've put him on a
container ship to Brazil.
Of course you have! Anything
else would be absolutely insane.
Is this the next stage? Is
this what will happen to me?
What will I be doing in two years' time?
What will I consider an average day?
This will all blow
over. The whole thing.
Yeah, once some poor
guy's lost his fucking job.
You have to understand
the reality we inhabit now.
A reality that includes
aiding and abetting a murderer
and body snatching.
My God, you've lost your way.
I heard that they found a load of
occult stuff in the guy's house.
What? Pictures and shit.
So chances are it'll turn
out to be a fetish thing.
Oh, come on, you know those people.
They work in IT, but at the weekends
they put on frilly shirts and
make out they're in a Gothic novel.
The fellas pretend to be
Dracula and the women all have
heaving breasts under their nighties.
Then they get changed and
it's back in the Ford Focus.
So, erm, rather than my
mistake or a clerical error,
the hope is some sex
cult stole his body.
Mmm, fingers crossed.
You're weird.
Buy me a drink.
What?
A drink drink.
Tuesday or Wednesday
are good for me. OK.
Erm, let me, let me have
a look at my shifts...
Yeah, you do that
and if you see the guy I declared
dead walking round... kill him.
Saul? Saul!
Hello?
Hell-o? Hello?
I need some help!
What's happening?
I'm so cold.
Saul, you're...
You're dead.
You're dead, Saul.
You just died. I...
I was sitting right there and you...
What's that?
Oh, my God.
This must be why we
were supposed to meet.
So that I could help you pass over.
She's wrong, Saul.
Hello, Annie. Oh, how we've missed you.
What did it just say?
You heard that too?
Have you noticed, Annie?
You can't disappear.
Stop her, Saul! No, no, wait...
Ow!
We've got you trapped like a fly
under a glass. Buzz, buzz, buzz.
Now, Saul. Get her through the door.
No, please don't.
Please don't. No, no.
George! No!
No! Let go of me! Let go of me!
No!
We needed you here, we needed the door.
So we scraped you up
and brought you back.
No! No! Please don't! Please
don't. Come along, Saul.
Tip her into our arms.
No, stop! Let me go!
We've all manner of tricks
and wheezes waiting for her.
That's the ticket!
We'll let you live, Saul.
You'll spring back to life,
as fresh and crisp as a daisy.
Please, no! No!
# Ya da-dee-da. #
It's not my door! Get off!
Annie? George! George! Help me, George!
Annie!
The gang's all here.
Men with ropes and men
with sticks... George!
.. and men with black, black
feathers on their black, black wings.
George!
There are no prizes for
kindness. You've said that.
Annie!
Mercy is a ticket to failure. Annie!
Astounding work, Saul.
Quick as you like. Help me.
You don't want our
rascals coming out there.
I can't!
Oh, God.
What are you doing?!
I can't.
Saul...
What was that?
Nina. Don't do this.
I understand, I really do. But
it's gonna take time to adjust.
Adjust?
You've gone native,
the three of you. Maybe I'm being naive,
maybe it's a consequence
of your condition.
Our condition. I don't know.
Your humanity, this thing you're...
Are you protecting it? Are you
looking for it? Do you even know?
Because take it from me, it's long gone.
And this house accelerates
it. It's insane here.
You've got monsters and
killers and, my God, that man.
You helped him escape. What
have you said to George?
I've written him a letter.
Jesus, Nina, a letter.
He gets... a letter.
I love him, I really do. I mean,
sickening, stomach-turning love,
practising my signature with
his second name kind of love,
but I look at him now
and I want to pull chunks
of flesh from his face.
Good luck. You too.
Nina?
Hello, Nina.
I'm sorry, do I know you?
Fine. Good. I'm fine.
Now, I'm going to work.
See ya.
Hugh! Hugh!
Morning. I shouted at
you, didn't you hear me?
What's wrong?
You pissed off with me?
I don't get it. Hugh? Talk to me.
Hey, Saul.
You're barred.
What a dick.
Hugh?
Hugh, can you see me?
Oh, God.
Can you hear me, Hugh?
Oh, God. Not again.
Please.
Not this again.
If you want this to work, you'll have to
come up with more than "you're implicated. "
Two bodies came into the hospital.
Our hope is that'll enable
us to make an arrest.
You will not feed and if
anyone steps out of line,
I'll kill you myself.
Are you coming back, Nina?
Long live the king! Long live
the king! Long live the king!
Saul's a property developer.
You having another drink... or not?
Hey, Bouncer! We're not done yet.
- What's his name?
- Trevor.
Do we have joint custody?
Well, I might want to
visit him from time to time.
You gave me the curse. I'm a werewolf.
"Thy God who thou serveth continually,
"He will deliver thee. "
I wish you could see this.
Oh, we should go down
there, man! Have a drink.
This is fine.
Oh, come on, it's the
beginning of a new century!
I saw the last one.
Two girls dancing on a car out there.
Do you think people actually did that?
It's like... Fame.
Let me go. I've changed my mind.
That's tough. I'm not ready.
I remember saying that when
I was tied to the chair.
Just let me out. Just let me
go out onto the street and...
We can start tomorrow. We've
already started, Mitchell.
Dan! Let me out! Do you hear me?
Let me out, you queer, or
I'll rip your throat out!
Apologise. Piss off!
Mitchell, please apologise.
I'm sorry, Dan. I'm so sorry.
You OK? Yes. Just leave us.
How long's this going to take?
Depends. To do it
properly, maybe six months.
Why are you doing this?
Because it's what you'd
do for me, Mitchell.
So I chase him into someone's garden,
and he's struggling so much I'm
literally having to lie on him.
I'm thinking, "This has stopped being
heroic now, this has got kind of funny. "
Anyway, finally the police show up
and they arrest me for trespassing!
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great
George! Excellent. Come and
meet the gang. Saul you know.
Hey, George. Mm. And
this is my boss, Hugh.
George and I live together.
Hi. Hiya! All right?
So, that's the gang!
It's not really much of a
gang, is it? It's just Hugh.
Hugh is the gang! Kool & The
Gang! Except he's not very cool.
He's a member of Amnesty and he
has an AUTOMATIC driving licence.
That's me. Aw, love ya!
I promised Annie I'd visit.
I hope you don't mind.
Not at all. Two customers? We'll
be talking about this for years.
Oh, and Saul was just telling us he tried
to stop a burglar, but HE got arrested!
Yeah, so it takes me two hours
to convince them, but get this...
the policeman is looking for a
property like the one I was showing.
I make the sale, get
in, to the policeman.
That's unbelievable!
I know... Right... Isn't it? Yeah.
I've gotta scoot. I'm meeting my architect
at six at the site, so I'll pop by after?
Oh, OK, great! Oh, hurray
Man, I love this pub!
It's so authentic, you know?
Walk me to the door, land lover.
Aarrrgh! Aarrrgh!
Sorry... What can I get you?
Phff...! A Coke.
Someone's been sick in the shop.
Some days it's all about the poo
but today everyone's...
being... sick...
So that was weird. I don't
know how to talk to you.
I know I came on too strong
the other day, but now...
Oh, my God, I've become my flatmate.
OK, look. The replacement
goldfish you gave me.
Trevor. I love him,
we have such a laugh.
He was...
the perfect gesture. And that's
the speed I'm comfortable with.
Not forever, but just
until I get my head...
Trevor was genius.
So what do we do now?
Do I buy you another goldfish? No.
No, see, you've gone weird again.
How about a coffee?
I'm a huge fan of coffee.
All right, sir.
Cool.
So where are you going?
Paramedics just brought in a DOA.
I've got to go and declare him.
Mmm. Our lives are just
one long rollover week.
Whoa! Helen. Come and help.
Calm down... calm down.
What have we got here? Hi, everyone.
Yeah, found him in his
flat. Anonymous 999.
Forensics on their way. I just
need you to sign the thing.
Do you have a prime suspect?
You don't have to answer, I
just always wanted to say that.
We're, yeah, trying to find
the flatmate so... Hello.
Puncture marks on the neck.
It's probably a gay thing, isn't it?
A gay thing? Well,
yeah, one bedroom flat.
Tickets for Sister Act on the corkboard.
You don't need to be Columbo.
Was there much blood at the
scene? Not so's you'd notice.
The wounds are on an artery. He
should be drenched in the stuff.
So, puncture marks on the
neck, the body exsanguinated...
Drained of blood.
Now, what could that be?
Ladies and gentlemen,
somewhere in Bristol...
is a gay vampire.
Count Spectacular.
Mince of Darkness.
D'you know what..? I bet
he'd like to see my full moon!
Wouldn't he?
No?
Mitchell, I think you
should probably le... oh.
Hmm-mm.
What an interesting selection
of food. Well, I shall explain...
Thank you.
You've just done the night shift,
so for you it's breakfast time.
But, it's two in the afternoon,
so technically it's lunch.
The feast before you now has been
specifically designed to combine the
best bits of those two iconic meals.
Eggs Benedict, choc-ice, can
of ginger beer, cigarette.
Breakfast of champions.
Which isn't to say I
approve of your smoking.
I've just given up
the fight on that one.
Besides, you've done more to shorten
my life expectancy than these could.
Er... I'll let you get on.
Oh. Stay. Please. Stay, talk to me.
Look, I'll feel weird just sitting here,
you know eating on my own, come on.
There you go.
Right...
Eggs Benedict, a la George.
Another Perfect Recall.
Saul? What?
Saul? Who's that?
Hey, I'm over here.
For goodness sake. Over here!
That's right, Saul.
It's me, Terry Wogan.
Now look lively, we
haven't got much time.
I need to talk to you about
Annie, that lovely girl in the pub.
Annie? She's a cracker, isn't she?
I think you and she
make a smashing couple.
No... I... I want to help.
Nah, no. This is one of
them hidden-camera things.
'Fraid not. Nah it is. Oh,
Duncan, you absolute bastard!
This is about the corridor, Saul.
Perhaps you should sit down.
Until you had your little accident,
I can't say that I
paid you much attention.
But the minute you walked into that pub
and saw that lovely girl,
I knew I had to lend a hand.
"Terence", I thought, "Lend a hand. "
Look, I'm saying, "Tell
her about the accident".
The accident? And all the
interesting things you saw.
It'll make you seem
spiritual and vulnerable.
Oh, the ladies go potty for that.
Your face.
You look like you've seen a ghost.
George around? Upstairs.
Probably doing me a mix-tape.
I can imagine how hard this must be.
But there's stuff we can
teach you, me and George.
What, like "sit" and "fetch"?
Look, thank you. But I'm, I'm fine.
Really. I mean, I'm sure
"werewolf" didn't come up
when I spoke to my careers
teacher but... yeah...
But, yeah, life is full of
disappointments. So you adjust.
You move on to plan B.
Hey. I'm off. OK.
Um, it's shepherd's pie tonight.
I won't be home till late.
No worries. Pop it in the micro.
OK.
She seems to be... coping.
I know. It's terrifying, isn't it?
George I need to talk to you. So talk.
A dead body came in to the hospital.
Puncture wounds on the
neck, all the blood drained.
Thing is,
I know him.
OK, who is it? Well, one
of the times I properly
tried to stop drinking blood, I
was living with this vampire, Carl.
And he helped me. He's
been clean for like...
I don't know, like, 20 years now.
Did you...? Sorry. You
lived with someone before me?
What? Yeah, lots of people.
Lot... Who?!
Vampires...
People people... People, oh, I see.
Oh, God. Don't get all... What?
You! Don't get all you about this.
Of course I've lived with other people.
Do you think I've spent the
last 100 years waiting for you
and your three different types
of upholstery cleaner to show up?
Anyway.
After me, he lived with
this other guy, Dan, a human.
And that's the body that came in.
So you think your friend killed him?
No. No.
That's, no. They were lovers,
Carl adored him. Well, have
you spoken to him, to Carl?
He's disappeared. He's disappeared?
It could have been
anyone. He's not like...
Oh... if after all this
time even he can't...
It could have been anyone.
What will you do about the body?
There's a process. It'll be fine.
No, sorry, then I don't understand. How did
it get to the point where there is a body?
I said it's fine. I just want to
know what's happened that's all.
Oh, hiya!
How did your meeting
with the architect go?
'Welcome to Perfect
Recall. ' Uh. Yeah. Fine.
Hugh's gone to visit his
dad, so I'm in charge.
I think they're quite
close. I hope he's all right.
'Let's play Round Two. '
I almost died.
What? And I thought, you
know, because we're friends,
it was something you should know.
Well, wh... what happened?
I had a car accident.
I fell asleep at the wheel and drove
into a bollard. No-one was hurt.
Well, I was.
It's hard to believe, but
I was pretty mashed up.
In fact,
I was technically dead
for about six minutes.
You poor thing, that's, um... awful.
But that's not the, um...
The thing that makes it
still present in my mind,
is what I saw.
Well, what did you see?
It's stupid...
No, no... please.
There was a corridor.
Bright white.
Like in the films.
Except it wasn't, because
it was frightening. Like when you
dream and you have this terror.
Were you alone? No.
There were men there.
Men with sticks and rope.
I've seen it. What?!
A few years ago I was attacked.
It left me...
...but I, I saw it.
I saw that exact same thing.
This is insane!
For years I have wanted to talk
to someone about this but...
What on earth made you tell me?
Just felt right, you know?
Intuition.
It's been a real pleasure
to have you with us.
Good work, son.
Afterwards... I, er,
I called the police from a phone-box.
I didn't want him left alone.
It was quiet in the flat, you see...
He hated the quiet. What happened, Carl?
I'd been dreaming about blood.
And that frightened me.
When it happened...
...he didn't even look
frightened, he looked disappointed.
You think you're free
of it, but it finds you.
All those years without
it, it's like a bill...
that has to be paid. OK. Look,
this will take a bit of handling,
so for the time being stay here.
Why did you let him die?
Why didn't you recruit
him? Because he was kind.
And if I had, when he came back,
he may not have been kind any more.
Mitchell...
You're a celebrity, you know.
Yeah, so people keep telling me.
No, he is not staying. George...
No, I'm trying to create some
semblance of normality for Nina,
and you bring this into our house?
"This"? Don't call him "this".
Mitchell, it's not just your
house, it's not just your decision.
It's what you'd do for me.
Now it won't take long.
I promise. Mitchell...
Transcripts from the house.
17:00 hours yesterday
till 15:00 hours today.
There's a section you should look at.
It's a conversation between the
Type 1 and the lover of the Type 3.
The nurse. Until now we thought
she was just a sympathiser, but...
"There's stuff we can teach you.
"Like 'sit' and 'fetch', thank
you, but I'm fine really I mean
"I'm pretty sure 'werewolf'
"didn't come up when I
spoke to my careers teacher,
"but life is full of disappointments. "
The possession has spread.
Forgive me for saying, sir,
but I don't understand why we
haven't contained them already.
The three types have never
cohabitated like this before.
The professor believes it
presents a valuable opportunity
to watch them "interact".
What's more, all three have
now constructed identities
that allow them to present
themselves as human.
Yes. But what do you think?
Beasts should be put in cages.
Infections should be cauterized.
As I'm sure this young lady would agree.
The next full moon is in 22
days and we don't have a Type 3.
Saul says that you have to look
at the recession as opportunity.
Saul says that's what
development is all about.
In Japan crisis and opportunity
are even the same word, Saul says.
Hmm. But he couldn't quite remember
if it was Japanese or Chinese.
You are being careful, aren't you?
Thanks, but I think I'm a bit old and
dead for the contraception conversation.
You've only been here a week and you've
already got two blokes chasing after you.
Things could get messy, and the
last thing we need is more messy.
Two blokes? Yes, two...
Saul and, er... Hugh.
Hugh? He's like a brother to me!
Oh, promise me you will never tell
him that. I think he's really sweet!
Really sweet? Oh, my God, why
not just stab him in the face?!
A brother? Annie trust me,
the only man who would ever
want to hear that is your
actual brother. Well, no, I...
I think you're wrong about him. I
don't think he sees me like that.
Fine. Saul clearly does. Saul
and I have a lot in common.
What's that supposed to mean?
Listen, you've got to let me do this.
OK, I cannot spend the rest
of eternity just... spectating.
I don't want you to
get hurt, that's all.
No, neither do I.
But that risk, it's
all part of the deal.
Are you sure about Hugh?
I know that look.
I've given people that look.
Usually while they're giving
that look to someone taller.
See you back at the ranch.
Still got it.
You must be Nina.
I'm Carl. Friend of Mitchell's.
I'll be staying for a couple of days.
Yeah. I saw him at work.
I'll try to stay out of
your way. I just, er...
Everyone had gone to bed
so I thought I'd sneak down.
Do what you want. It's not my house.
Did Mitchell tell you why I'm here?
He told me enough.
You're not in any danger.
I want you to know that.
You killed someone.
Sounds pretty dangerous to me.
You don't understand.
You got that right.
Don't be too hard on George.
He'll know what he's done. And
if he loves you just a fraction...
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
This is your business, how precisely?
Well, it isn't. There's a...
Just felt important
that I say that to you.
Two months ago, I lost control,
the worst that could happen was...
But now?
We shouldn't be in houses, in
streets, where there's children.
There are safeguards
you can put in place.
Things go wrong. Christ knows
we're both proof of that.
I'm... I'm radioactive
now. That's how it feels.
Trust me. He knows what he's done.
Is that my shepherd's pie?
Mmm.
Quite possibly.
George made it.
It's good.
Mmm. He's a good cook.
So, Gay Vampire Man.
Are you actually calling him that?
It's shorthand. We use it all the time,
like, "creepy self-harm girl"
or "accidentally-sat-on-wine-bottle
man" so "gay vampire man".
Forensics do their thing and the
body gets taken to the pathologist.
I bet you anything the cause of
death will be completely dull.
Exactly, it looks exciting,
but it'll turn out that
the guy had a heart attack. And
the wounds on his neck were because,
I don't know,
the cat started to eat him.
And there was loads of blood, but
the policeman missed it because,
well, clearly he was an idiot!
You'd actually find that
disappointing, wouldn't you?
I'm in a new city, I have no social
life, apart from West Wing box-sets.
You've no idea how much a gay
vampire would liven up my week.
So what did the pathologist say?
Heart attack. Mmm.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Mmm, but I haven't finished.
The police aren't satisfied with
that, so they've asked the coroner
to commission a second post-mortem
with a different pathologist
and the coroner's approved it.
Who's the coroner?
He did say the name...
Quincy? No, no, he's
the one on TV. Quinn.
That's him.
Isn't it great? The plot thickens.
So, I was thinking that we
could go out this afternoon.
If... if you're free, obviously.
Erm, we could see a
film. What... me and you?
Yeah. But don't feel
obligated or anything,
you can say no and we'll just be
weird with each other from now on,
and that's absolutely fine. No.
I'd like that very much. Smashing.
Good. Good.
Great, yeah.
I'm just gonna go over there
and sneak glances at you
from behind my copy of
Take A Break. All right.
Get in!
I've got my eye on you.
You're not the only one!
You might have Annie fooled
with your face and your... hair,
but you don't fool me.
What's so funny? Oh, God...
You.
You're funny.
Anyway, too late. Annie just
asked me to see a movie with her.
Annie did?
Mmm, what would you recommend?
I won. You lost.
Move on.
I'll see you later, yeah? Mm-hmm.
Two days ago a DOA
came in to the hospital.
The pathologist said the cause
of death was a heart attack.
The police weren't satisfied so they
applied for a second post-mortem,
which you approved.
And? The man was killed by a vampire.
I know. I thought we were clear.
The pathologist does what he can,
but if it gets bumped up, you kill it.
It doesn't get bumped up.
Herrick keeps things away
from my desk. Herrick's gone.
I'm handling this. What happened to him?
Politics.
That figures. I've not had
my envelope for six weeks now.
We're in a transitional period.
Even so, the deal... The deal's off.
Do you want a raise?
Is that what this is
about? The deal is off.
I caught a glimpse of what
my life would have been like
without this.
For ten years,
I've been abetting the
slaughter of fathers and mothers
and daughters and sons.
Herrick said your kind were
a facet of nature, like
a tiger or an earthquake.
You're not,
you're just murderers.
You think it's noble, what you're doing?
It's suicide.
We all have a role. One slip, one
fucking Road to Damascus moment,
and everything gets exposed.
But it won't just be the
vampires, it'll be everyone.
All the people that cover for us.
Then I shall take the consequences.
I want to look my
grandchildren in the eye,
even if it's just for a day.
Some say you had to drug him first, others
say you begged for a place in the New World,
and when Herrick refused, you killed
him. I've even heard he escaped
and is building an army in
Europe. What really happened?
You know, I'm curious.
He came in.
I changed.
I tore his head off.
Fair enough.
I don't give a shit about Herrick.
Right, so what is this about? Do
you remember when you were a kid?
Mmm? Everything seemed
so important to you.
You'd feel such rage, such love.
Then you get older and it's as
though the years have worn all
that passion away and at
237, I don't feel anything.
So I wake up, I drink
coffee... I think about you.
I assume I should kill you.
Look, I know you screwed Daisy.
But what did you tell her?
What did you say,
that made her feel again?
It's complicated, er...
She was going to kill her daughter...
.. and I convinced her not to. Oh.
I wanted it to be something
I could understand.
I never had kids.
What about you...? Are you erm,
are you with someone at the moment?
I mean, you know, in general?
Like a girlfriend? Uh-huh.
You love her?
Very much. Ah.
That must be nice.
Seven quid for the
tiniest bag of sweets?!
Mind if I put the telly on?
I mean, I know I haven't
been to the cinema in a while,
but seven quid? It's like
we're living in Zimbabwe.
Did you spend the entire film
thinking about the sweets? HE LAUGHS
What's so funny?
Oh, sorry. What can I get you? Wine?
Oh, um, no, I'm fine, thanks.
Coffee? Goes straight through me.
Are you hungry? I've got olives and
these weird Italian biscuit things.
Erm, I actually... I don't like
to eat or drink in front of people.
It's a bit bonkers, I know, but,
yeah... Please, you go ahead.
Hello. Hello.
Oh, er, cheers.
Cheers.
Is it the football?
What? The news, is there a match on?
Oh, um. Yeah. Does it bother you?
No, no, no, go for it.
Go on. She wants you to.
She's so pretty, go on.
Your flat's beautiful.
So are you. Go on, give her a kiss.
Go on. Girls like a
kiss. Give her a kiss.
Cheers. That's it. Go on.
I'm so glad I met you.
That's it. Go on.
Ditto. Go on.
I think it was a higher power. I
think it was fate. Can I kiss you?
What? Now? Today? She's ready. Go on.
Get in. Come on.
Take control, take charge. Go on, then.
You know what you want to do and you
know what I want you to do, so go on then.
Jesus, Saul! You're so cold...
Come on, son! Come on!
Give it some!
What the fuck was that?!
The door's locked. What?!
Get undressed.
Shit.
You did what?
Sort of disappeared.
Right. But that's OK because by
disappeared you mean got away.
Oh, Mitchell, you been working
out? Oh, that's just fantastic!
He was all over me! It was a reflex!
But he's a human, he's a civilian!
This is the last thing I need right now.
Oh, no, you're right, he should have
picked a more convenient time to assault me.
That's not what I meant
and you know it. OK. OK!
One thing at a time! God!
Annie, Annie, are you all right?
Yes. A bit shaken. But thank you.
Good. Now then, Saul.
Even if he were to say something,
no-one would believe him.
"This girl just teleported out of
my room. " They'll think he's crazy.
Well, let's hope so.
You know, I think it's a bit rich,
you taking the moral high ground.
I think I'm owed a couple
of screw-ups. Annie, sssh.
For the time being, stay in the house.
If Saul comes looking for you,
then we'll... Well, I don't know.
We'll get rid of him.
Well, what about my job?
My shift starts in half
an hour. What about Hugh?
Oh, you can forget about the job. What?!
Look, can you just go away,
please, you're really not helping.
With pleasure. Carl!
He's not here. What? Where is he?
I don't know, he's
your murdering fugitive.
If you want to keep him,
you've got to look after him.
What is it with me and
volatile unsuitable men?
Be honest with me, am I Ulrika Jonsson?
And thank you, for not
saying "I told you so. "
As if I would. You
were thinking it though.
I'm not. Yeah, you were.
I am not!
I...
I wanted to get some photos. I realised
I didn't have any photos to take with me.
Carl, there's a problem. The
coroner won't cover for us any more.
What?
I don't think he'll go to
anyone, but he won't lie.
So if they come to him,
if they ask him what he's done,
he'll tell them. He'll be destroyed.
He says the compromise is
worse than the punishment.
And if all this comes out, first
they'll come looking for you.
The police, everyone.
They will tear the city apart.
So we need to get you out of here.
But then they'll come
for you. Not necessarily.
You spoke to him, you identified
yourself as a point of contact.
If they can't find me,
they'll come for you.
Why? Why, why is he doing it?!
Because we're murderers, Carl. Herrick
used to say we were like a secret...
Herrick?! Herrick was a
bigot and a megalomaniac,
they say shit like
that, Mitchell. I know.
I was safe...
.. and look what happened.
Maybe it's time to stop. No, no, no.
You're not ready, not yet.
I'm so tired.
OK. Listen, here's what
we're going to do...
# Serve God, love me and men
# This is not the end
# Live unbruised we are friends
# And I'm sorry
# I'm sorry... #
Police. Yeah, hi, erm...
I'd like to report an incident
I saw earlier on today...
Yeah, I saw this guy breaking
and entering into a crime scene...
Look, I'm, I'm just telling
you what I've seen, OK...
# Sigh no more, no more... #
Oh, I have to go.
OK, OK, bye. Thank you.
# My heart was never pure... #
Andy, just need your signature...
# And you know me... #
# Oh man is a giddy thing
# Serve God, love me and men
# This is not the end
# Live unbruised we are friends
# And I'm sorry... #
We'll bring you more on the
developing situation in Stockholm
following that reported
explosion, as we get it.
Now the headlines again...
All women are whores.
Mate, I am so sorry. What a bitch,
leading you on like that.
It just goes to show you,
they're whores, every one.
Although that's hardly
fucking news, right?
You don't understand. She disappeared.
Ye-eah.
We were gonna tell you about that.
OK, here's the thing...
Annie's dead.
What? Well, it's
complicated. She's in limbo.
She should be here with us,
but she's turned death down.
It's pissed off some
very important people.
They want her back.
Annie... Annie's dead?
Yeah, it's a lot to take in, I know.
Look, pour yourself a nice big drink
and I'll tell you all about it.
Tell you what, I'll join you!
And then afterwards, maybe
you'd like to go for a drive,
to clear your head.
Ow! Annie?
Oh, Hugh. I'm so sorry.
I should have called.
Are you OK? You didn't turn up
for your shift, I was worried.
Oh, gosh. Were we rushed off our feet?
You have been to my pub, haven't you?
I rung a few times but
there was no answer. So I...
Right, that was you.
I thought it was Saul,
so I didn't answer.
Right.
We, erm, spent the
afternoon together. Right.
He...
It didn't go very well. So now
I'm peeping through letter boxes
and not answering phones.
That's generally a bad sign. Mmm.
Would you like a cup of tea?
Oh, please.
Take your pick. Are you
expecting people or...?
Oh, no, I just like to make tea.
Oh!
Which one's yours? None of them.
I don't like to eat or
drink in front of... people.
Wow! I sound mental.
Not at all!
We all have eccentricities.
You know, when I was a kid, I
used to make Plasticine models
of Tessa Sanderson and Fatima Whitbread
and I used to make them have fights.
Let's never discuss that.
Oh...
What happened?
I mean, you don't have to tell me.
What did he do? You know,
it's none of my business.
You going to see him again?
I never liked him.
But, obviously, you might make
it work, in which case I'll...
No, he's a twat.
I...
I wanted to be normal.
A normal girl...
...kissing a normal boy.
I wanted to escape...
...Just for a second. Escape from what?
Me.
The girl who can't eat or drink.
But she's wonderful.
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry...
It's fine, it's fine.
Then why did you...?
Annie, I've wanted to kiss
you from the moment I saw you.
But not like this.
All my life I've been
the consolation prize.
And I can't do that any more.
You're so beautiful.
I'd move mountains, I'd kill bears.
But I need you to want to kiss ME.
So what do we do?
I'll wait.
It's you.
This whole time, there you were.
So, what now?
Well, it's no longer a murder
investigation because of your suicide.
It's now just a misplaced body.
It's weird and it's embarrassing,
but no-one's going to make
much of a fuss about it.
So I become an admin
error, just forgotten?
Yeah, I guess so.
50 years and still the same car.
Been keeping her in storage.
You know what it's like.
If it goes, has a good body
and you like being inside it,
why get rid of it? It's a
recipe for a happy marriage too.
Why did it have to be Ivan?
You said it was some kind
of merchant ship, right?
Yeah, I know the captain.
They've got papers for Carl.
Do you reckon he could
pass as Brazilian?
Yeah, maybe. I'll go and get him.
Thanks for doing this, Ivan. I
just want to get this over with.
What, you think this ends tonight?
This is just the beginning!
Today it's Carl, tomorrow
it's someone else.
Like I said, you're sliding into
chaos, and there's no safety net.
They've been in hiding since Herrick
died, but they'll get hungry soon,
then you'll be waking up
to headlines about vampires.
What are they discussing do you
think? I don't know. Come on.
If we did declare ourselves,
not the way Herrick wanted,
but if we could just stop hiding.
What, are you imagining some
kind of peaceful co-existence?
It'd be chaos! Worldwide panic.
Good news for religion,
mind, especially Christianity.
There'd be standing room only
in the churches all of a sudden.
As soon as they knew about vampires,
they'd know about werewolves,
they'd know about
ghosts. They'd be next.
And when humanity had
finally finished with us,
it would turn on itself.
First the other religions,
massively in the minority now,
then the homosexuals, the disabled...
Do you want to know what
the future looks like?
Enforced worship in churches a mile high
and every country surrounded
by a coral reef of bones.
But fuck it. Maybe it should happen.
There's nothing on TV at the moment.
Hey, Carl! You ready, killer?
Thank you for helping me.
To be honest,
I'm only doing this because
Mitchell asked me to.
I don't think you should get away.
That makes two of us.
Look after him.
Come on, Mitchell.
Take care of yourself.
OK, two rules for Ivan's car
- no food or drink
and I get to choose the music.
And tonight we shall be
listening to Miss Kate Bush.
Hey, George!
Daisy says hi.
# Out on the wiley, windy moors
# We'd roll and fall in green... #
There was a time when you
wouldn't have done this.
I only set off the fire
alarm. No, you didn't.
He's been involved in a road traffic
accident. He's got a serious head injury.
There was two other vehicles.
Is there any more, any more?
Come on, Saul.
Shit.
The fire crew had to cut
him out. They think he was...
There was a vodka bottle
on the seat next to him.
Was anyone else hurt?
That's why he's in here.
There were two spare beds in ICU,
but the couple in the
car he hit have got those.
Oh, my God.
George. Can I talk to you?
Erm, yep.
Yeah.
I'll be just outside. OK.
And should that...?
Should that, should that be on, George?
Oh...
Mitchell!
Look, this is getting insane, so the
suicide who came in a few hours ago,
the one who killed Gay
Vampire Guy... Uh-huh?
The body's gone.
The body of that man who was staying
at the house, a body that I saw
get declared dead three
hours ago. How about that?!
Yeah, but I declared
him. And was he breathing?
Always check that, cos if they're
breathing, they're usually not dead.
Mitchell, this is... this is serious.
I mean, what if I got it wrong? What
if he was alive and just woke up?
Can you imagine how that would look?
You let him out?
The dead man from the morgue.
We've put him on a
container ship to Brazil.
Of course you have! Anything
else would be absolutely insane.
Is this the next stage? Is
this what will happen to me?
What will I be doing in two years' time?
What will I consider an average day?
This will all blow
over. The whole thing.
Yeah, once some poor
guy's lost his fucking job.
You have to understand
the reality we inhabit now.
A reality that includes
aiding and abetting a murderer
and body snatching.
My God, you've lost your way.
I heard that they found a load of
occult stuff in the guy's house.
What? Pictures and shit.
So chances are it'll turn
out to be a fetish thing.
Oh, come on, you know those people.
They work in IT, but at the weekends
they put on frilly shirts and
make out they're in a Gothic novel.
The fellas pretend to be
Dracula and the women all have
heaving breasts under their nighties.
Then they get changed and
it's back in the Ford Focus.
So, erm, rather than my
mistake or a clerical error,
the hope is some sex
cult stole his body.
Mmm, fingers crossed.
You're weird.
Buy me a drink.
What?
A drink drink.
Tuesday or Wednesday
are good for me. OK.
Erm, let me, let me have
a look at my shifts...
Yeah, you do that
and if you see the guy I declared
dead walking round... kill him.
Saul? Saul!
Hello?
Hell-o? Hello?
I need some help!
What's happening?
I'm so cold.
Saul, you're...
You're dead.
You're dead, Saul.
You just died. I...
I was sitting right there and you...
What's that?
Oh, my God.
This must be why we
were supposed to meet.
So that I could help you pass over.
She's wrong, Saul.
Hello, Annie. Oh, how we've missed you.
What did it just say?
You heard that too?
Have you noticed, Annie?
You can't disappear.
Stop her, Saul! No, no, wait...
Ow!
We've got you trapped like a fly
under a glass. Buzz, buzz, buzz.
Now, Saul. Get her through the door.
No, please don't.
Please don't. No, no.
George! No!
No! Let go of me! Let go of me!
No!
We needed you here, we needed the door.
So we scraped you up
and brought you back.
No! No! Please don't! Please
don't. Come along, Saul.
Tip her into our arms.
No, stop! Let me go!
We've all manner of tricks
and wheezes waiting for her.
That's the ticket!
We'll let you live, Saul.
You'll spring back to life,
as fresh and crisp as a daisy.
Please, no! No!
# Ya da-dee-da. #
It's not my door! Get off!
Annie? George! George! Help me, George!
Annie!
The gang's all here.
Men with ropes and men
with sticks... George!
.. and men with black, black
feathers on their black, black wings.
George!
There are no prizes for
kindness. You've said that.
Annie!
Mercy is a ticket to failure. Annie!
Astounding work, Saul.
Quick as you like. Help me.
You don't want our
rascals coming out there.
I can't!
Oh, God.
What are you doing?!
I can't.
Saul...
What was that?
Nina. Don't do this.
I understand, I really do. But
it's gonna take time to adjust.
Adjust?
You've gone native,
the three of you. Maybe I'm being naive,
maybe it's a consequence
of your condition.
Our condition. I don't know.
Your humanity, this thing you're...
Are you protecting it? Are you
looking for it? Do you even know?
Because take it from me, it's long gone.
And this house accelerates
it. It's insane here.
You've got monsters and
killers and, my God, that man.
You helped him escape. What
have you said to George?
I've written him a letter.
Jesus, Nina, a letter.
He gets... a letter.
I love him, I really do. I mean,
sickening, stomach-turning love,
practising my signature with
his second name kind of love,
but I look at him now
and I want to pull chunks
of flesh from his face.
Good luck. You too.
Nina?
Hello, Nina.
I'm sorry, do I know you?
Fine. Good. I'm fine.
Now, I'm going to work.
See ya.
Hugh! Hugh!
Morning. I shouted at
you, didn't you hear me?
What's wrong?
You pissed off with me?
I don't get it. Hugh? Talk to me.
Hey, Saul.
You're barred.
What a dick.
Hugh?
Hugh, can you see me?
Oh, God.
Can you hear me, Hugh?
Oh, God. Not again.
Please.
Not this again.
If you want this to work, you'll have to
come up with more than "you're implicated. "
Two bodies came into the hospital.
Our hope is that'll enable
us to make an arrest.
You will not feed and if
anyone steps out of line,
I'll kill you myself.
Are you coming back, Nina?
Long live the king! Long live
the king! Long live the king!