Becker (1998–2004): Season 5, Episode 16 - The Job - full transcript

II

(overlapping chatter)

What the hell's going on here?

Chaos! Where have you been?

Don't start with me.

5:00 this morning, I got a call
at home from Mr. O'Neill

who was freaking out
because his heart was racing.

He thought he was going to have
a coronary.

It turns out
that he was up all night

trying out
his new espresso machine.

What did you do for him?



I saved his life.

I didn't beat him to death
with the espresso machine.

Well, where the hell
do we start here?

Well, take your pick.

Mrs. Simmons hasn't stopped
hiccupping for two weeks.

(one key repeatedly struck
on piano)

Uh, Mrs. Johnson has a raisin
stuck up her nose,

and Billy Smith,
he swallowed his goldfish.

That's my practice.

You know, all idiots
all the time.

What a horrible week.

0h, uh, there's more.

The X-ray machine is broken,
and the copier's jammed.

Doesn't anything work
around here, Margaret?



Hey, lady, come on,
can't you hear that?

Get the kid away from the piano.

It's not there for playing.

It's to cover a hole
in the wall.

I-I need coffee.

Could you two play
someplace else, please?

Oh, come...
Where's my Harvard cup?

John, I don't have time
to hunt around

for your stupid Harvard cup.

Hey, that's my lucky cup.

Look around, it's not working.

It wasn't easy,
but-but I finally managed

to come up with a urine sample.

You peed in my Harvard cup?!

They said there'd be a cup
on the sink, and there was.

Wrong one?

Get away from me.
Get away from me!

(cup shatters)

MAN:
Oh, that's not good.

I need a minute.

MARGARET:
0h, uh, John,

I need you to sign those
insurance forms on your desk.

-BECKER: I'll get to it!
-(door slams)

(groans)

(steady dripping)

Well, that's...

that's perfect.

Just perfect.

(groans)

(snaps)

That's great, that's great.

What's next?

(blows)

Yeah, hi.

Uh, Dr. Emerson, please.

-Yes, I'll hold.
-(knocking)

Dr. Becker, can I ask you
a question?

No, I'm on the phone. Get out.

Who are you talking to?

Johns Hopkins.
It's private. Get out.

Just one thing:

Does this dress
say salsa dancing?

Get out!

Did you know your ceiling fell?

What did you mean, private?

Out!

I'm sorry, yeah,
it's John Becker. Hi.

Uh, look, I know
the last time we talked

I said I wasn't ready,
but I can't deny it.

I definitely have got
a problem. I-I-I don't...

I don't know if I can make it
through another day here.

Look, uh, if that job's
still available, I'm interested.

Definitely interested.

Hey. Coffee to go?

Sure, why not?

Why should today
be any different?

I come in here all the time,
I get coffee,

you're behind the counter,

those two
are sitting over there.

For God's sake, don't you two
ever get sick and tired

of the same old boring routine
day after day?

Get out of there.
That's my seat.

Where do you get off telling us
our lives are boring?

Yeah, I don't have to sit here
and take this.

Where do you have to go?

Yeah, you're right.

I know how you can change
your routine.

Go bitch someplace else.

That's not a change.
I bitch everywhere I go.

Hey, Chris.

Just a cup of tea to go, please.

Oh, and, Dr. Becker,

just so you know,
I accidentally overheard

that phone call
you made yesterday.

But don't worry, I'm not going
to tell anybody about it.

Well, what exactly did you hear?

That you had a problem.

BECKER:
That's all?

Yeah.

Well, I don't.

You can relax, everybody,
it's fine.

No big deal.

Come on, Becker,
don't be ashamed.

I mean, I've made those kind
of phone calls myself.

I mean, $4.95 a minute
is pretty steep, but...

you know, the more you call,

the less time you need
to get the job done.

Bob, that is disgusting.

I was talking about
computer tech support.

What's wrong with you?

Like I'm the only one
who went there.

So, Becker, what was that
about a private phone call?

None of your damn business.

So, Linda, what was that
about a private phone call?

Yeah, is something wrong
with John?

Uh, I really can't say.

Can't say or you don't know?

I don't know,
which is why I can't say.

Plus, Dr. Becker said not to say
anything, and I respect that.

I'll let you know
if I hear anything.

It was an amazing sale.

I got this shirt at 60% off
and this skirt at 40% off,

so together I saved 100%.

Oh, my God.

Linda, I don't believe
that you spent this much money.

Oh, I didn't spend a dime.

I put it on my credit cards.

0h, uh, thank you.

Uh, Linda...

you have to call your bank

and ask them to freeze
your accounts.

Otherwise, you're going to be
up to your ears in debt.

Margaret, this country
was built on debt.

Get on board.

Hmm... Johns Hopkins.

-I wonder what this is.
-Wait a minute.

That's the guy Dr. Becker
called yesterday.

MARGARET (chuckling):
No...

Johns Hopkins is not a guy.

It's a hospital in Baltimore.

Oh, that's weird.

When he made that call
yesterday,

he said he had a problem that he
couldn't take for another day.

I wonder what it is.

I'm guessing it's you.

-Mr. Richards?
-(9 as PS)

0h. Take it easy.

I'm John Becker.

You're here for
a flu shot, are you?

-Yes. Yes, I am.
-All right.

Let me set that up for you.

You live in the neighborhood?

Yeah, right here in the Bronx.

I own a small
video rental store.

Oh, yeah, one of those, uh,
video stores, huh?

No, just a normal store;
family movies.

You know... PG.

Look, you keep winking.

Are you renting porn
or coming on to me?

Neither. I'm not winking.

I'm sorry, uh, how long
have you had the eye twitch?

I have an eye twitch?

What's going on here?

Are you on any kind
of medications?

Uh, yeah.
Uh, I don't remember the names.

Uh, let's see, there's a blue
pill that I take once a day.

There's a red pill
that I take three times a day.

The white pill I take at night.

There's a green and white pill
that I take every morning.

You're taking pills you don't
even know what they're for?

You know what?

Let's postpone this flu shot

until I can learn more about
these other medications.

Do me a favor-- bring in
all the pills you take,

and I'll take a look at 'em
and maybe we can find out

what's causing this
annoying eye thing.

I wasn't even aware of it.

Well, it's annoying
the crap out of me.

Just get back here with
that stuff as soon as possible.

Okay.

No, I mean it;
the sooner the better.

MARGARET:
0h, uh, John...

you got a package
from Johns Hopkins.

Do you want me to open it?

No, that's all right,
I got it. Thank you.

Oh, by the way, I have to
leave early on Friday.

I've gotta... go down
to Baltimore.

To Johns Hopkins?

Do we have a patient there?

No, no.

Well, then why are you
going to...

Margaret, it's personal.

Oh, my God,
did you see the way

he ripped that
right out of your hands?

What do you think's going on?

Well, whatever it is,
it's none of our business.

He said it's personal,
and I respect that.

Why?

He tore that package
out of my hand,

then he told me that he
was going to Baltimore.

I'm telling you,
there's something going on,

and he's acting like it's
none of our business.

Well, perhaps it is
none of our business.

Yeah, that's where I started,
but you get past it.

Well, let's see,
Johns Hopkins is in Baltimore.

Any chance he's sick?

No. He had a physical
last week.

I saw the results myself.

He is healthy as a horse.

Well, a horse that smokes.

You know, usually
he's just cranky,

but lately he's been
downright angry.

You know,
now that you mention it,

he has been acting
more like himself than usual.

Okay, so he's not sick.
So what other reason

would he have
to go to Johns Hopkins?

I know this might sound crazy,
but maybe it's drugs.

My friend's sister
spent 12 weeks there in rehab.

Boy, can that girl
play ping-pong.

JAKE:
Whoa, whoa.

Wait, John, drugs?
Think about it--

I mean, they cheer you up
and they cost money.

That's not him.

Well, maybe he knows
someone there.

Wait a minute,
maybe it's a woman.

Well, why wouldn't he tell us?

Wait a minute.

Maybe it's a married woman.

I knew it.
Becker's having an affair.

It all adds up.

Secrets, lies, and he needs
a pill to make it happen.

No, that doesn't sound
like John.

I mean, I hate to think he was
that kind of person.

I mean, not that I care.
I don't.

It's his life,
and I'm not a part of it.

I already dodged that bullet.

Quit staring at me.

0h, Margaret, you're going
to be really proud of me.

I took your advice,
and I froze my credit cards.

I didn't mean for you
to literally freeze them.

I know, but this way,

if I find something
I really want to buy,

I'd have to stop and think,
"Is this worth defrosting for?"

You know, actually,
this is brilliant.

I'm impressed.

It's not gonna be easy.

There are all these great
clothes out there calling me.

I'm not like you, Margaret.

I can't rotate the same
five outfits day after day.

Morning.

-Morning.
-Hi.

Uh, Mr. Richards is waiting
for you in your office.

How was your weekend
in Baltimore?

Fine, fine.

Make sure to let me know if
anyone calls from Johns Hopkins.

Okay, let's put
all this together.

He made a phone call
he didn't want us to know about.

Then he got a package he didn't
want us to know about.

Now he took a trip to Baltimore

that he doesn't want
to talk about.

What does all this mean?

I have more than five outfits!

-Richards?
-(9 as PS)

It's my office.

How surprised
can you be to see me?

You bring me the drugs?

Hey, do you mind?

All right...

That's all?

Let's see what we've got here.

That's a thyroid hormone.

Theophylline, that's for asthma.

Meclizine hydrochloride?
What...?

That's for vertigo.
You have vertigo?

I did once.

How many different doctors
are you seeing?

Well, I see different doctors
for different problems.

I usually get a name
out of the Yellow Pages.

That's how you pick a doctor?

Do you know what kind of quacks
advertise in there?

I got your name
out of the Penny Saver.

Margaret, I swear,

Dr. Becker was just asking
the patient for drugs.

Shouldn't it be
the other way around?

Linda, don't be ridiculous.

If John wanted drugs,

we have a whole cabinet
full of them.

Well, he's too clever for that.

You'd know if any were missing.

Wouldn't you?

All right, I'm going
to take all of these home

and see what...
see what's going on here.

In the meantime,
I'm going to take you off

of everything for a few days.

Everything? Are you sure
that's a good idea?

0h, now you start
questioning your doctor?

-Uh, Dr. Becker?
-Yeah?

There's a call for you
on line two from Johns Hopkins.

Oh, thank you.

Uh, shut the door.

On the other side, Linda.

Yes, this is John Becker.

I-I got the job?

Well, that's fantastic.
Thank you very much.

I'm-I'm very flattered.

Yeah, yeah, I-I'll, uh...
I'll get back to you.

Thank you.

(door opens)

Bob, how many times
I got to tell you,

I don't want you using
your passkey to come in here.

Yeah, but if I knock,
then you'll ask who it is,

and when I tell you it's me,
you won't let me in.

How'd you even know I was home?

Easy, I reversed your peephole.

I'm a doctor.
I could reverse yours.

What do you want?

Nothing. I left a wrench.

Well, get it and get out.

You want something?

No.

I'm good.

See you.

BECKER:
Yeah.

(phone rings)

Yo.

Becker's got all kinds of drugs
in his apartment.

He just tried
to push some on me.

I don't believe it.

Trust me, I saw it
with my own two eyes.

(cell phone rings)

Hello?

It's Jake.
Becker's a druggy.

Bob just saw him
with tons of pills.

I knew it.

(music playing)

I was right.
He's a drug addict.

Who the hell is this?

Whoops, wrong number.

(ringing)

Hello?

I was right.
Bob just saw Dr. Becker

in his apartment
with a bunch of drugs.

Now two of us have seen it,
so you have to believe it.

I don't have
to believe anything.

And you should be
ashamed of yourself

for spreading rumors.

(ringing)

Hello?

Chris, Linda was right.

John is taking drugs.
It's been confirmed.

Oh, that is such a shame.

Thanks, Margaret.

Hey, Bob, Bob, uh...

listen, you're not going
to believe this.

I just heard John's
taking drugs.

Old news.

(whirring)

How can you think about shopping
at a time like this?

Dr. Becker is in trouble.

He's in his office right now

with the guy
who supplies his drugs.

Margaret, I need
these credit cards.

If I'm going to be
going on interviews,

I'm going to need new clothes.

The dress code at my next job

might not be as conservative
as this one.

What are you talking about?

Well, with Dr. Feelgood in there
all strung-out on drugs,

we could both
be looking for work.

And if you're job hunting,

you want to put
your best foot forward.

Which, no offense,

is not going to happen
in those shoes.

These two together
will put you to sleep.

These two will keep you awake.

These two
will make you nauseous.

These two will make you dizzy.

You know, you put 'em
all together,

I'm surprised you're not
growing breasts.

You don't need any of these.

So now I take nothing?

No, no, I'm going to put you

on a smaller dosage
of a new thyroid hormone,

which, by the way, may help you
with that eye twitch thing.

Good luck to you.

You know, all the other doctors
I went to

just gave me pills
and sent me away.

You're the first one
that's taken the time

to actually figure out
what a mess I was.

Thank you.

You're welcome. Yeah.

My pleasure.

Excuse me, Mr. Richards.

You've been in here three times
in the last few days.

What's going on?

Nothing unusual.

That's it.

I'm getting to
the bottom of this.

John, I am not just
going to stand by

and watch you do this
to yourself.

If you have a problem with
drugs, then you can just tell...

Whoa, drugs? I don't have
a problem with drugs.

What the hell are you
talking about?

Linda saw you
with all kinds of pills,

and Bob did, too,

and then you've been acting
so weird,

what are we supposed to think?

That it was
none of your business.

I tried to tell her that,
but she wouldn't leave it alone.

And then there was that-that
whole Johns Hopkins thing,

and-and... and you're running
down to Baltimore.

What is going on?

Look, look...

a position opened up
down there in research.

I applied for it,
and-and I got it.

What?

How could you?

Relax, I'm not gonna take it.

You're not a drug addict?

Oh, that's too bad.

I had the perfect person
to set you up with.

I don't even know
where to start.

You applied for a job

that would mean
closing down the practice,

and you didn't even
mention it to me?

And then,
when I tried to find out

what's going on,
you wouldn't tell me.

I didn't want you to worry.

Well, that didn't work out
too well, did it?

I don't even know if I can
explain this to you.

Well, give it a shot.

Look, every day,
I'm in this run-down office,

you know, trying to keep
my head above water

with patients who won't pay me,
X-ray machines that are broken,

some guy who pees
in my Harvard cup.

Did you know that when
I graduated from med school,

I got offers from every
major hospital in this country?

I know, I know it's
an ego thing,

but I just had to find out
whether I still was good enough.

That I wasn't just stuck here.

Okay...

Then why didn't you take
the job?

Because I'm an idiot.

The truth.

The truth is, you know, I...

I liked doing research--
I was good at it--

but I always felt so... removed.

You know, I never got to see
the-the people I was helping.

But here, you know,
it's like...

well, with Mr. Richards, I mean,

he was taking so many damn drugs
that if he hadn't come here,

he could've ended up
killing himself.

I helped that man.

I liked how that felt.

John, don't you ever
underestimate what you do here.

I certainly don't.

Thank you. That's very nice.

Did you really think
I was doing drugs?

Well, it did
kind of look that way.

Linda was just about to ask you
for a job recommendation.

Do you know how high
I'd have to be

to give her a recommendation?