Becker (1998–2004): Season 5, Episode 13 - But I've Got Friends I Haven't Used Yet - full transcript
Becker receives a visit from a medical school colleague.
♪♪
You guys are not going to
believe what just happened.
- I just came from the gym...
- The gym?
I thought the judge said
you couldn't go back there.
That was the old gym.
Anyway, I'm standing
in front of the big window
watching an abs and ass class.
- Oh...
- Wh-When suddenly
they wheel some guy by
with a sheet over his head.
- Was he dead?
- No, he was in a Halloween costume.
Yeah, he was dead.
Anyway, the poor schmuck
keeled over on the treadmill.
He-he was in his
30s, just like me.
I mean, you spend
years building a life...
Wife, kids, career...
Then one day... it's over!
Well, you got nothing
to worry about.
You got none of those things!
- Neither do you.
- Oh.
So, I'm driving
here, all of sudden,
traffic's jammed up because
there's an ambulance
that's double-parked
right in front of the gym.
It's just sitting there
blocking the street.
I mean, how rude is that?
A man died there this morning.
Yeah, Bob saw
them carry him out.
Just 'cause that guy's
having a crappy day,
doesn't mean I have to.
Whoa, whoa... wait a
minute. That's not all.
As they wheeled
the stretcher by,
his cold, dead hand
brushed my leg.
I mean, it was like he was
saying, "See you soon, Bob."
Wait a minute... how'd
he know my name?
One dead body.
You know, until he sees
a med student jump rope
with some guy's small intestine,
he's got nothing to bitch about.
You know, suddenly, I'm hungry.
Suddenly, I'm not.
Is, uh... is that a new sweater?
Oh, yeah! Look at that, huh?
Something about it
just caught my eye.
Hmm. 99-cent price tag?
I'll have you know
it cost damn near
- four times that much.
- Oh.
It... it's got a smell.
It's that new clothes smell.
No, it's more like
wet dog smell.
Good morning. Can I help you?
Actually, yeah.
I'm looking for Dr. Becker.
Yeah, you know,
I'm trying to eat
my breakfast here.
Call the office, make
an appointment.
I don't give away
free medical advice.
As I recall, you don't
give away free anything.
Obviously, he knows you.
- Sorry.
- Oh, John.
I slept on top of
you for two years.
You'd think you'd remember.
I know I'd remember.
Oh, my God... Rick Cooper.
This-this guy was my
roommate at Harvard.
Oh, bunk beds!
Oh, because I...
All right. No, thanks.
- Sit down over here.
- Yeah, yeah, sure.
Let's catch up.
Well, you look great.
Oh, thanks, man. So
do you, uh, except...
What happened to all...
you know, the-the big hair?
You really want
to talk about hair?
Not really, no, no.
Let me see, now,
the last time I saw
you, you were...
you were wearing that raincoat.
Yeah, well, you know...
buy quality, it lasts.
- Yeah.
- Last time I saw you,
you were, uh, in a bar in Boston
stark naked doing tequila shots.
What have you been
doing all these years?
Pretty much the same thing.
Actually, that's kind of
why I came to see you.
Oh, well, I-I don't drink
that much anymore.
- Oh, I don't either. I'm in AA.
- Oh.
Well, good for
you. How's it going?
Pretty good. Pretty good.
Yeah, I've fallen off the
wagon a couple of times,
but, uh, I'm doing
all right now.
You know, working the steps.
In fact, one of the things
they encourage you to do
is to look up people
that you screwed over
in the past and apologize.
I don't remember you
doing anything bad to me.
We were friends.
Okay. Hold that thought.
Remember that, uh, $200 you
were saving to go to Woodstock?
Well, I stole it.
So, thanks to you, I missed
a major part of history?
Hey, so did a lot of
us who were there.
Well... one concert,
30 years ago.
Okay.
Wait. There's more.
Your senior thesis.
I took it off your desk
and put my name on it.
I got an incomplete!
I-I damn near didn't
get into med school.
I know. I'm sorry.
Did you do anything
else to me in college?
No.
Well, there was
our tenth reunion.
I didn't go to our
tenth reunion.
I know, but your wife did,
and we kind of, you know...
You slept with my wife?!
Look, I know what
I did was horrible.
Listen, John, I'm just
trying to work through
some of the damage
I did in the past,
instead of trying
to drown it, okay?
Now...
it would mean a lot to me
if you could find it in
your heart to-to forgive me.
Oh, I bet it would.
Go to hell.
Mr. Lerner, I can't
give you drugs
just cause your
in-laws are in town.
Look... you're just going to
have to drink to kill the
pain like everybody else.
Now, go away.
All right, who-who-who's up?
What is that smell?
I don't smell anything.
I think it's your sweater.
My sweater does not smell.
Now, just tell me...
who's up? Please.
Mrs. Root's waiting in room one,
and that guy Rick
Cooper called you again.
You want me to get him?
No, I don't want you to get him.
If he calls again, you
tell him I'm out of town
or I died... I don't care.
Would you pick one of those?
I don't want it to look
like I have a preference.
Where are you
going all dressed up?
- Out to lunch.
- With who?
A girlfriend.
What's her name?
Shirley Williams.
Oh, Shirley, how is she?
You don't know her.
I was just trying
to be friendly.
Go get friendly with a mop
and clean up that storeroom.
Hi, Margaret.
Ready to go?
Sure am.
Margaret, where's...?
Nice to see you.
You, too.
Looks like Shirley
needs a shave.
Look at this.
Look at the paper.
Another one my age: dead.
All right, would you
put away the obituaries?
Just 'cause that guy
at the gym died young
- doesn't mean that you're going to.
- Hey.
You can turn your
blind eye to this,
but it does not change the fact
that people our age
are dropping like flies.
Okay, listen to this:
Frank Carbone, wine collector.
Popped his cork at 41.
This one... Maria
Rivera, ballerina.
Danced her ass
off the stage at 35.
And this guy: 41.
Buys a yacht to sail
around the world.
The day he christened the boat,
the Bon Voyage...how ironic...
He hits the deck
with a heart attack.
Is there anything in there
about a building super
being beaten to death by
a blind newsstand owner?
- No.
- Check tomorrow.
Where are you going?
To an early grave.
Godspeed.
Hey, can I get some coffee?
Yeah, in a minute.
You know, you may think
this is none of my business...
It isn't.
What are we talking about?
Your friend Rick sat here
for an hour after you left.
Do you have any idea what
that man's been through?
Yeah, my money,
my thesis and my wife.
- You know, what are you defending him for?
- No, no.
I'm not defending him.
But he's obviously
trying to do the right thing.
Just show some compassion.
It won't cost you anything.
It already did. I didn't
get to go to Woodstock.
So you missed your chance
to bum out 300,000 people.
Let me tell you something.
You know, if I
were the one thing
standing between
him and his recovery,
I still wouldn't forgive him.
Is that really who you are?
You're just going to
hang on to this forever?
No, not forever.
Just until I die.
Forget it. Forget it.
I guess I just thought
you were a better person.
Yeah, well, maybe
I would have been
if I'd gotten to
go to Woodstock!
Where's Margaret?
She's out to lunch with
a guy named Shirley.
Now, look, Linda, you don't have
to come up with some euphemism.
If she's in the
bathroom, just say so.
That guy Rick's
waiting in your office.
He said you called him.
I thought you didn't
want to see him.
I don't.
I'm just trying to
be a better person.
Good luck.
I mean...
good luck.
What was that?
You-you just made
a... smelly face.
Do... do you still
think it's my sweater?
Well, if it isn't, you got
a much bigger problem.
Fine, here, take it.
You know, get rid
of it. I don't care.
Four bucks down the drain.
Hey, man.
Just looking at your
Harvard diploma.
Very impressive.
Cost me four years
of very hard work.
I had one made up in
Times Square for my folks,
cost me ten bucks.
Paid an extra two dollars to
graduate summa cum laude.
Can't put a price
on a good education.
John, you asked me to come over.
I thought you wanted
me to go to hell.
Well, it was pointed
out to me by someone
who's always pointing
things out to me
that... maybe I could
have been a little bit more...
Sympathetic?
Let me finish.
Yeah, sympathetic.
Look, I-I know what it
took for you to come to me
like you did, and...
let's just say what
happened in the past
is in the past, all right?
Thank you, John.
I know what it takes for
you to hawk up an apology.
You have no idea.
So, you know...
good-bye, good luck.
Uh, hope things
work out for you.
Uh, John, as long as
I'm confessing, uh...
There is one more little thing.
How little?
About the size of that gold
pocket watch you used to have.
Oh... oh, no.
See, that... that was my
grandfather's antique watch.
My-my mother gave
it to me for graduation.
I am really sorry.
Do you have any idea
what that was worth?
An ounce of pot and
a new pair of boots.
You sold that for drugs?
That was a family heirloom.
I loved that watch.
John, I just have to come
clean about these things.
I-I don't expect
you to forgive me.
No, no, no, I have to. I...
I don't want to be
one of those people
who hang on to
things forever, so...
I forgive you.
So, we're good?
Any more surprises?
Uh, no, no, no.
Uh... oh, wait a
minute. There...
Oh, no, no, no, that wasn't you.
No, that's it.
All right, then
we're-we're good.
Thanks.
Oh...
John, you know how I
know I'm getting better?
Huh?
In the old days, I
would have kept that.
Oh!
I had a wonderful time.
Me, too.
So, uh... we're on for tonight?
Absolutely.
What are you gonna
tell your husband?
That I'm working late.
Will he believe it?
Lewis believes
anything I tell him.
I'll see you later.
I'm looking forward to it.
So, how was lunch with Shirley?
Lunch was nice.
We went to a
little French place.
I had the baked chicken.
Are you sure you didn't
have the baked cheater?
Cheater? What's that?
Some kind of whitefish?
No, it's a six-foot-tall
black guy named Cliff.
How long have you been
having an affair with
our medical supply rep?
We are not having an affair.
Then why'd you lie about
going to lunch with him?
Cliff and I are just friends.
That's all you need to know.
Well, what does your
husband think about all this?
Or have you
forgotten about Lewis?
There is an eight-foot stack
of pizza boxes in my kitchen.
I will never forget about Lewis.
Now, I suggest that
you get back to work.
All right, damn
it, I can't find...
Margaret!
Damn it!
Margaret!
What is going on in here?
I need to write
Mr. Freitag a prescription.
I can't find the pad.
Well, get another one.
They're all over the office.
No, no, this is for a narcotic.
I need the DEA triplicate
pad, and it's not in my drawer.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
Well, look again. It didn't
just get up and walk away.
Well, I can't find it.
I did look.
No one else has been
in here except for...
Well, so much for forgiveness.
Hey, Jake, I wrote my own
obituary. You want to hear it?
I don't think I can
run fast enough not to.
Okay, how does this sound?
"He was cut down
in the prime of life
"by blank at age blank.
"Survived by wife,
blank, and children,
blank, blank and little blank."
So, when I die,
will you fill it in?
Why don't you have
Mrs. Blank do it?
Look, I'm doing the
hard part... I'm dying.
You can't sit down with
a pen for five minutes?
Okay, okay, fine. I'll do it.
Thank you.
Wait a minute.
What if you die first?
Oh, Bob, don't tease me.
Hey, Becker, will you
speak at my funeral?
Couldn't I just dance?
- Hey.
- Hey.
I took your advice.
I looked up my old friend Rick,
and I forgave
him for everything.
- Hey, that's great, John.
- Mmm. Mmm.
And then he robbed me.
What?
Yeah, he stole my
prescription pad.
See, the DEA issues
special pads to doctors
so they can order
heavy narcotics...
You know, morphine,
Demerol, Methadone.
Junkies like to steal them
and run around town
writing phony prescriptions.
What... you really
think he'd do that?
No, no, he's probably
just going to get a crayon
and use the pad to
make a cartoon flip book.
I had no way of knowing
that would happen.
He told you he was
a liar and a thief.
What more do you need to know?
He just... he seemed so sincere.
You know, you are hopeless.
My God, what does it take
to get you to think
the worst of people?
Oh, hi, Linda.
Is Margaret here?
Hi, Cliff.
Yes, but she's busy right now.
But that's okay.
It'll give us a chance
to get better acquainted.
Please, have a seat.
Uh... oh, okay.
I've been wanting to
get to know you better.
I like balmy evenings,
walks on the beach,
getting thrown around
in a mosh pit, and fondue.
What do you like?
Uh...
I'd like to see Margaret.
Come on, Cliff.
Margaret's nice,
but she's married.
I'm single...
totally available... if
you get my meaning.
It's kind of hard to miss.
What are you doing?
Margaret, Cliff's
here to see you.
Get off him!
I'm trying to save
your marriage.
I walked in, and
she was all over me.
It's all right, Cliff.
In her twisted mind,
she was trying to do me a favor.
Seems like she was
trying to do me a favor.
I told you, Cliff and
I are just friends.
Oh, come on!
First, you lie
about having lunch,
and then I hear the two of you
talking about plans for tonight
that you don't want Lewis to
know about. What was that?
Cliff is helping me plan
a surprise birthday
party for Lewis tonight.
Okay.
But wait a minute.
How do you know Lewis?
Margaret introduced us.
We've been
playing golf together.
Okay.
Well, why didn't
you just tell me
about Lewis's surprise party?
Because last year, when I tried
to throw Lewis a surprise
party, you told him.
The year before
that, you told him.
The year before that,
you sent him an invitation.
Okay.
Cliff, are you ready to go?
Uh, that is, unless you
want to stay here with Linda.
No, no. She scares me.
Doctor's office.
Oh, hi, Lewis.
No, Margaret's not here.
She's um... with a patient.
Okay, talk to you later.
Have fun at your party.
Linda, did you call all
the pharmacies yet?
Did-did you report the
missing pad to the DEA?
Yes. Did you talk
to your friend?
Yeah, right.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
What'd I do?
It's an expression.
Damn it, I've never been
so pissed off in my life.
Still not about me, right?
No.
I'm talking about Rick.
Wish I knew where
the hell he was.
Oh, he's staying
at the Edison Hotel.
How do you know?
He told me before
when he was here.
And you didn't think I'd
want to know that? Damn it!
Me this time?
Yes, now you!
You must think I'm an idiot!
Yeah, you suck me
in with some sad story.
As soon as my back's turned,
it's Woodstock all over again.
Write your own damn paper,
and keep your hands off my wife!
John, I'm only asking you this
because I've been
hearing it all my life.
Have you been drinking?
You stole my prescription
pad. It was in my office.
- You were in my office. Now it's gone.
- I don't know
- what you're talking about.
- Yeah, you just couldn't
help yourself, could you?
You just couldn't resist.
Oh, John, you're making
an ass out of yourself.
I didn't steal anything.
I'm going to tear
this place apart.
Fine. Tell you what.
You want me to
take off my clothes
so you can strip-search me?
Hey, you know
something? Don't push me.
I'm a doctor. I
know where to look.
What?!
Dr. Becker, remember
your smelly sweater?
Yeah, not now, Linda.
Well, I gave it to this
homeless guy, but he returned it
'cause the other homeless
guys were making fun of the smell.
Anyways, when he gave it back,
your prescription pad
fell out of the pocket.
That was lucky, huh?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah. Well, uh,
thanks for calling.
Hey, you know, I-I, uh... I
never got a chance to ask.
Uh, how you doing?
Where you living now?
Found the pad, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, it was in my sweater.
So do you, uh,
fold these socks, or do
you roll them into a little ball?
Just... just leave 'em, John.
No, no, I really
need to do this.
Fine. Balls.
Any chance this makes us even?
Could it?
Anything to get you to
stop touching my underwear.
Thanks.
- Thank you, John.
- Yeah.
Well, I... I gotta
finish packing
- and, uh, get to the airport.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.
Hey, listen, you know, I
could give you a lift there.
Maybe, uh, pick up some
dinner together, on me.
Wow.
You're going to pay for dinner?
Geez. I'm not the only
one who's changed.
Say, John, you know,
whatever happened
to that old death-mobile
you used to drive?
You know, with the seat
springs that shot up your ass
and then the smell
of burning oil?
God, I used to think
we were going to die
every time we got in it...
Whatever happened to it?
It's right outside.
Oh, God.
Morning.
- Coffee?
- Yeah.
You know, Chris, the
other day, when I...
John, please. No.
I-I need to say this.
Uh... I owe you an apology.
You had every right
to be angry at Rick,
especially after what he did,
and it was presumptuous
of me to suggest
that you feel any differently.
So... I'm sorry.
And I forgive you.
You guys are not going to
believe what just happened.
- I just came from the gym...
- The gym?
I thought the judge said
you couldn't go back there.
That was the old gym.
Anyway, I'm standing
in front of the big window
watching an abs and ass class.
- Oh...
- Wh-When suddenly
they wheel some guy by
with a sheet over his head.
- Was he dead?
- No, he was in a Halloween costume.
Yeah, he was dead.
Anyway, the poor schmuck
keeled over on the treadmill.
He-he was in his
30s, just like me.
I mean, you spend
years building a life...
Wife, kids, career...
Then one day... it's over!
Well, you got nothing
to worry about.
You got none of those things!
- Neither do you.
- Oh.
So, I'm driving
here, all of sudden,
traffic's jammed up because
there's an ambulance
that's double-parked
right in front of the gym.
It's just sitting there
blocking the street.
I mean, how rude is that?
A man died there this morning.
Yeah, Bob saw
them carry him out.
Just 'cause that guy's
having a crappy day,
doesn't mean I have to.
Whoa, whoa... wait a
minute. That's not all.
As they wheeled
the stretcher by,
his cold, dead hand
brushed my leg.
I mean, it was like he was
saying, "See you soon, Bob."
Wait a minute... how'd
he know my name?
One dead body.
You know, until he sees
a med student jump rope
with some guy's small intestine,
he's got nothing to bitch about.
You know, suddenly, I'm hungry.
Suddenly, I'm not.
Is, uh... is that a new sweater?
Oh, yeah! Look at that, huh?
Something about it
just caught my eye.
Hmm. 99-cent price tag?
I'll have you know
it cost damn near
- four times that much.
- Oh.
It... it's got a smell.
It's that new clothes smell.
No, it's more like
wet dog smell.
Good morning. Can I help you?
Actually, yeah.
I'm looking for Dr. Becker.
Yeah, you know,
I'm trying to eat
my breakfast here.
Call the office, make
an appointment.
I don't give away
free medical advice.
As I recall, you don't
give away free anything.
Obviously, he knows you.
- Sorry.
- Oh, John.
I slept on top of
you for two years.
You'd think you'd remember.
I know I'd remember.
Oh, my God... Rick Cooper.
This-this guy was my
roommate at Harvard.
Oh, bunk beds!
Oh, because I...
All right. No, thanks.
- Sit down over here.
- Yeah, yeah, sure.
Let's catch up.
Well, you look great.
Oh, thanks, man. So
do you, uh, except...
What happened to all...
you know, the-the big hair?
You really want
to talk about hair?
Not really, no, no.
Let me see, now,
the last time I saw
you, you were...
you were wearing that raincoat.
Yeah, well, you know...
buy quality, it lasts.
- Yeah.
- Last time I saw you,
you were, uh, in a bar in Boston
stark naked doing tequila shots.
What have you been
doing all these years?
Pretty much the same thing.
Actually, that's kind of
why I came to see you.
Oh, well, I-I don't drink
that much anymore.
- Oh, I don't either. I'm in AA.
- Oh.
Well, good for
you. How's it going?
Pretty good. Pretty good.
Yeah, I've fallen off the
wagon a couple of times,
but, uh, I'm doing
all right now.
You know, working the steps.
In fact, one of the things
they encourage you to do
is to look up people
that you screwed over
in the past and apologize.
I don't remember you
doing anything bad to me.
We were friends.
Okay. Hold that thought.
Remember that, uh, $200 you
were saving to go to Woodstock?
Well, I stole it.
So, thanks to you, I missed
a major part of history?
Hey, so did a lot of
us who were there.
Well... one concert,
30 years ago.
Okay.
Wait. There's more.
Your senior thesis.
I took it off your desk
and put my name on it.
I got an incomplete!
I-I damn near didn't
get into med school.
I know. I'm sorry.
Did you do anything
else to me in college?
No.
Well, there was
our tenth reunion.
I didn't go to our
tenth reunion.
I know, but your wife did,
and we kind of, you know...
You slept with my wife?!
Look, I know what
I did was horrible.
Listen, John, I'm just
trying to work through
some of the damage
I did in the past,
instead of trying
to drown it, okay?
Now...
it would mean a lot to me
if you could find it in
your heart to-to forgive me.
Oh, I bet it would.
Go to hell.
Mr. Lerner, I can't
give you drugs
just cause your
in-laws are in town.
Look... you're just going to
have to drink to kill the
pain like everybody else.
Now, go away.
All right, who-who-who's up?
What is that smell?
I don't smell anything.
I think it's your sweater.
My sweater does not smell.
Now, just tell me...
who's up? Please.
Mrs. Root's waiting in room one,
and that guy Rick
Cooper called you again.
You want me to get him?
No, I don't want you to get him.
If he calls again, you
tell him I'm out of town
or I died... I don't care.
Would you pick one of those?
I don't want it to look
like I have a preference.
Where are you
going all dressed up?
- Out to lunch.
- With who?
A girlfriend.
What's her name?
Shirley Williams.
Oh, Shirley, how is she?
You don't know her.
I was just trying
to be friendly.
Go get friendly with a mop
and clean up that storeroom.
Hi, Margaret.
Ready to go?
Sure am.
Margaret, where's...?
Nice to see you.
You, too.
Looks like Shirley
needs a shave.
Look at this.
Look at the paper.
Another one my age: dead.
All right, would you
put away the obituaries?
Just 'cause that guy
at the gym died young
- doesn't mean that you're going to.
- Hey.
You can turn your
blind eye to this,
but it does not change the fact
that people our age
are dropping like flies.
Okay, listen to this:
Frank Carbone, wine collector.
Popped his cork at 41.
This one... Maria
Rivera, ballerina.
Danced her ass
off the stage at 35.
And this guy: 41.
Buys a yacht to sail
around the world.
The day he christened the boat,
the Bon Voyage...how ironic...
He hits the deck
with a heart attack.
Is there anything in there
about a building super
being beaten to death by
a blind newsstand owner?
- No.
- Check tomorrow.
Where are you going?
To an early grave.
Godspeed.
Hey, can I get some coffee?
Yeah, in a minute.
You know, you may think
this is none of my business...
It isn't.
What are we talking about?
Your friend Rick sat here
for an hour after you left.
Do you have any idea what
that man's been through?
Yeah, my money,
my thesis and my wife.
- You know, what are you defending him for?
- No, no.
I'm not defending him.
But he's obviously
trying to do the right thing.
Just show some compassion.
It won't cost you anything.
It already did. I didn't
get to go to Woodstock.
So you missed your chance
to bum out 300,000 people.
Let me tell you something.
You know, if I
were the one thing
standing between
him and his recovery,
I still wouldn't forgive him.
Is that really who you are?
You're just going to
hang on to this forever?
No, not forever.
Just until I die.
Forget it. Forget it.
I guess I just thought
you were a better person.
Yeah, well, maybe
I would have been
if I'd gotten to
go to Woodstock!
Where's Margaret?
She's out to lunch with
a guy named Shirley.
Now, look, Linda, you don't have
to come up with some euphemism.
If she's in the
bathroom, just say so.
That guy Rick's
waiting in your office.
He said you called him.
I thought you didn't
want to see him.
I don't.
I'm just trying to
be a better person.
Good luck.
I mean...
good luck.
What was that?
You-you just made
a... smelly face.
Do... do you still
think it's my sweater?
Well, if it isn't, you got
a much bigger problem.
Fine, here, take it.
You know, get rid
of it. I don't care.
Four bucks down the drain.
Hey, man.
Just looking at your
Harvard diploma.
Very impressive.
Cost me four years
of very hard work.
I had one made up in
Times Square for my folks,
cost me ten bucks.
Paid an extra two dollars to
graduate summa cum laude.
Can't put a price
on a good education.
John, you asked me to come over.
I thought you wanted
me to go to hell.
Well, it was pointed
out to me by someone
who's always pointing
things out to me
that... maybe I could
have been a little bit more...
Sympathetic?
Let me finish.
Yeah, sympathetic.
Look, I-I know what it
took for you to come to me
like you did, and...
let's just say what
happened in the past
is in the past, all right?
Thank you, John.
I know what it takes for
you to hawk up an apology.
You have no idea.
So, you know...
good-bye, good luck.
Uh, hope things
work out for you.
Uh, John, as long as
I'm confessing, uh...
There is one more little thing.
How little?
About the size of that gold
pocket watch you used to have.
Oh... oh, no.
See, that... that was my
grandfather's antique watch.
My-my mother gave
it to me for graduation.
I am really sorry.
Do you have any idea
what that was worth?
An ounce of pot and
a new pair of boots.
You sold that for drugs?
That was a family heirloom.
I loved that watch.
John, I just have to come
clean about these things.
I-I don't expect
you to forgive me.
No, no, no, I have to. I...
I don't want to be
one of those people
who hang on to
things forever, so...
I forgive you.
So, we're good?
Any more surprises?
Uh, no, no, no.
Uh... oh, wait a
minute. There...
Oh, no, no, no, that wasn't you.
No, that's it.
All right, then
we're-we're good.
Thanks.
Oh...
John, you know how I
know I'm getting better?
Huh?
In the old days, I
would have kept that.
Oh!
I had a wonderful time.
Me, too.
So, uh... we're on for tonight?
Absolutely.
What are you gonna
tell your husband?
That I'm working late.
Will he believe it?
Lewis believes
anything I tell him.
I'll see you later.
I'm looking forward to it.
So, how was lunch with Shirley?
Lunch was nice.
We went to a
little French place.
I had the baked chicken.
Are you sure you didn't
have the baked cheater?
Cheater? What's that?
Some kind of whitefish?
No, it's a six-foot-tall
black guy named Cliff.
How long have you been
having an affair with
our medical supply rep?
We are not having an affair.
Then why'd you lie about
going to lunch with him?
Cliff and I are just friends.
That's all you need to know.
Well, what does your
husband think about all this?
Or have you
forgotten about Lewis?
There is an eight-foot stack
of pizza boxes in my kitchen.
I will never forget about Lewis.
Now, I suggest that
you get back to work.
All right, damn
it, I can't find...
Margaret!
Damn it!
Margaret!
What is going on in here?
I need to write
Mr. Freitag a prescription.
I can't find the pad.
Well, get another one.
They're all over the office.
No, no, this is for a narcotic.
I need the DEA triplicate
pad, and it's not in my drawer.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
Well, look again. It didn't
just get up and walk away.
Well, I can't find it.
I did look.
No one else has been
in here except for...
Well, so much for forgiveness.
Hey, Jake, I wrote my own
obituary. You want to hear it?
I don't think I can
run fast enough not to.
Okay, how does this sound?
"He was cut down
in the prime of life
"by blank at age blank.
"Survived by wife,
blank, and children,
blank, blank and little blank."
So, when I die,
will you fill it in?
Why don't you have
Mrs. Blank do it?
Look, I'm doing the
hard part... I'm dying.
You can't sit down with
a pen for five minutes?
Okay, okay, fine. I'll do it.
Thank you.
Wait a minute.
What if you die first?
Oh, Bob, don't tease me.
Hey, Becker, will you
speak at my funeral?
Couldn't I just dance?
- Hey.
- Hey.
I took your advice.
I looked up my old friend Rick,
and I forgave
him for everything.
- Hey, that's great, John.
- Mmm. Mmm.
And then he robbed me.
What?
Yeah, he stole my
prescription pad.
See, the DEA issues
special pads to doctors
so they can order
heavy narcotics...
You know, morphine,
Demerol, Methadone.
Junkies like to steal them
and run around town
writing phony prescriptions.
What... you really
think he'd do that?
No, no, he's probably
just going to get a crayon
and use the pad to
make a cartoon flip book.
I had no way of knowing
that would happen.
He told you he was
a liar and a thief.
What more do you need to know?
He just... he seemed so sincere.
You know, you are hopeless.
My God, what does it take
to get you to think
the worst of people?
Oh, hi, Linda.
Is Margaret here?
Hi, Cliff.
Yes, but she's busy right now.
But that's okay.
It'll give us a chance
to get better acquainted.
Please, have a seat.
Uh... oh, okay.
I've been wanting to
get to know you better.
I like balmy evenings,
walks on the beach,
getting thrown around
in a mosh pit, and fondue.
What do you like?
Uh...
I'd like to see Margaret.
Come on, Cliff.
Margaret's nice,
but she's married.
I'm single...
totally available... if
you get my meaning.
It's kind of hard to miss.
What are you doing?
Margaret, Cliff's
here to see you.
Get off him!
I'm trying to save
your marriage.
I walked in, and
she was all over me.
It's all right, Cliff.
In her twisted mind,
she was trying to do me a favor.
Seems like she was
trying to do me a favor.
I told you, Cliff and
I are just friends.
Oh, come on!
First, you lie
about having lunch,
and then I hear the two of you
talking about plans for tonight
that you don't want Lewis to
know about. What was that?
Cliff is helping me plan
a surprise birthday
party for Lewis tonight.
Okay.
But wait a minute.
How do you know Lewis?
Margaret introduced us.
We've been
playing golf together.
Okay.
Well, why didn't
you just tell me
about Lewis's surprise party?
Because last year, when I tried
to throw Lewis a surprise
party, you told him.
The year before
that, you told him.
The year before that,
you sent him an invitation.
Okay.
Cliff, are you ready to go?
Uh, that is, unless you
want to stay here with Linda.
No, no. She scares me.
Doctor's office.
Oh, hi, Lewis.
No, Margaret's not here.
She's um... with a patient.
Okay, talk to you later.
Have fun at your party.
Linda, did you call all
the pharmacies yet?
Did-did you report the
missing pad to the DEA?
Yes. Did you talk
to your friend?
Yeah, right.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
What'd I do?
It's an expression.
Damn it, I've never been
so pissed off in my life.
Still not about me, right?
No.
I'm talking about Rick.
Wish I knew where
the hell he was.
Oh, he's staying
at the Edison Hotel.
How do you know?
He told me before
when he was here.
And you didn't think I'd
want to know that? Damn it!
Me this time?
Yes, now you!
You must think I'm an idiot!
Yeah, you suck me
in with some sad story.
As soon as my back's turned,
it's Woodstock all over again.
Write your own damn paper,
and keep your hands off my wife!
John, I'm only asking you this
because I've been
hearing it all my life.
Have you been drinking?
You stole my prescription
pad. It was in my office.
- You were in my office. Now it's gone.
- I don't know
- what you're talking about.
- Yeah, you just couldn't
help yourself, could you?
You just couldn't resist.
Oh, John, you're making
an ass out of yourself.
I didn't steal anything.
I'm going to tear
this place apart.
Fine. Tell you what.
You want me to
take off my clothes
so you can strip-search me?
Hey, you know
something? Don't push me.
I'm a doctor. I
know where to look.
What?!
Dr. Becker, remember
your smelly sweater?
Yeah, not now, Linda.
Well, I gave it to this
homeless guy, but he returned it
'cause the other homeless
guys were making fun of the smell.
Anyways, when he gave it back,
your prescription pad
fell out of the pocket.
That was lucky, huh?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah. Well, uh,
thanks for calling.
Hey, you know, I-I, uh... I
never got a chance to ask.
Uh, how you doing?
Where you living now?
Found the pad, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, it was in my sweater.
So do you, uh,
fold these socks, or do
you roll them into a little ball?
Just... just leave 'em, John.
No, no, I really
need to do this.
Fine. Balls.
Any chance this makes us even?
Could it?
Anything to get you to
stop touching my underwear.
Thanks.
- Thank you, John.
- Yeah.
Well, I... I gotta
finish packing
- and, uh, get to the airport.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.
Hey, listen, you know, I
could give you a lift there.
Maybe, uh, pick up some
dinner together, on me.
Wow.
You're going to pay for dinner?
Geez. I'm not the only
one who's changed.
Say, John, you know,
whatever happened
to that old death-mobile
you used to drive?
You know, with the seat
springs that shot up your ass
and then the smell
of burning oil?
God, I used to think
we were going to die
every time we got in it...
Whatever happened to it?
It's right outside.
Oh, God.
Morning.
- Coffee?
- Yeah.
You know, Chris, the
other day, when I...
John, please. No.
I-I need to say this.
Uh... I owe you an apology.
You had every right
to be angry at Rick,
especially after what he did,
and it was presumptuous
of me to suggest
that you feel any differently.
So... I'm sorry.
And I forgive you.