Batwheels (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Secret Origin of the Batwheels - full transcript
When the Bat Family is captured, the Batcomputer brings the Bat-Vehicles to life; The Batwheels defend the Batcave from the Legion of Zoom without Batman's help.
Who needs cash on hand when
you've got cash on wheels!
Make sure you spend it
all in one place, puddin'!
On me!
Oh that's adorable, Harley.
But we stole that
money together,
so Joker had better
share the wealth.
With all of us!
That's right, Penguin!
Don't make me freeze your funds.
Typical Mr. Freeze,
always with the ice puns.
Oh, known accomplices,
don't go counting
the cash just yet.
Eh? What do you mean, Riddler?
Riddle me this!
What has ten wheels, three capes
and a bad attitude?
Huh?
Gah!
It's Batman!
And Robin!
And Batgirl!
It's the whole Bat-pack!
Scatter!
Woohoo!
Ha, they're splitting up.
Like a played-out rock
band. Who should I go after?
Plenty to go around.
Take your pick.
Oh, like my new van, Batman?
I've had a few optional
extras installed!
Pop goes the weasel!
You'll have to do
better than that.
D'oh!
Give it up, Penguin!
You know I'm gonna catch you!
We'll cross that bridge
when we come to it, Batgirl.
Or maybe we won't!
Here we go!
Woo-hoo!
That was sick!
Indeed it was.
And I think I'm going to be...
Sorry, little bird.
I'm putting you on ice.
Activating Bat-Laser!
I'm bringing the heat, Freeze!
Icicles!
Whoa, what in the...
Yoo-hoo, Robin!
Did I mention that
I love your name?
'Cause that's what I'm always
doin'. Ya know, robbin' stuff!
Get him, Harley!
Whoa!
Hey! I said get him, not me!
Sorry, Snow Cone! My bad!
Hold still, will ya'?
You're the nail.
I'm the hammer!
Oh, yeah? Well, you're a hammer
that's goin' to the slammer.
Huh?
Ugh.
You're turn, puddin'!
True story, my driving instructor
told me never to drive angry.
But he didn't say anything
about driving funny!
Great green gobs of
greasy grimy Joker goo!
Think that's funny?
This will really
make you bust a gut.
Ooh!
Augh! Not funny.
Woo!
You never could take a joke.
You've got nowhere to
go, Penguin! Give it up!
Like my momma always said,
if you can't beat
'em... swim for it!
So long, Batgi... What?
I think I got a nibble...
Yup! Landed me a big one!
Four down. One to go.
Hey, what happened
to the stolen money?
You'll never figure it out!
It's over your heads!
Launch mode.
- Yes!
- Let's go!
Now I'll have the
money all to mysel...
Or not.
The only thing you'll have to
yourself is a nice, cozy jail cell.
Hmm.
A good night's work.
Wait. We totes took out
every baddie in Gotham
and that's all we get?
Yeah, not even a
"way to go, yo"?
You must be confusing
me with someone else.
You are Batman, aren't you?
And Batgirl, and Robin?
Hmph. We are.
Oh. Good.
The Mayor sent me to take the
three of you to Gotham City Hall.
To thank you for this
amazing accomplishment,
he wants to present you
with the keys to the city.
Um, yes, please!
That is so cool!
I don't think so.
Tell his honor we're
flattered, but...
- Oh, come on!
- Please, let's go!
We don't protect
Gotham for awards.
Well, the ceremony will raise
money for Gotham's needy.
See? It's for a good cause.
And don't we deserve a
little fun after all that?
What about...
We can have the Batcomputer
send our rides back to the cave.
Alright.
Just this once.
- Yes!
- Whoa!
Batcomputer, recall vehicles.
Right away, Batman.
Engaging Auto Control Systems.
Yes!
Oh, yes! I've never
rode in a limo before!
- Whoa!
- Batman, look at this!
Try the sun roof!
Alert.
There's an intruder in
the entrance tunnel.
I'm coming in!
Huh?
What? Who? Oh
no, it wasn't me!
Someone, or something, is trying
to break into the Batcave.
I calculate less than ten
minutes before it reaches us.
Don't just calculate!
Do something!
Oh, dear!
I am unable to locate or contact
Batman, Robin, or Batgirl.
Aw, that's just great!
Try to remain calm, MOE.
Remember your programming.
I'm programmed to panic!
Aw, let's face it...
Without Batman, we've got
no way to fend off this g...
Another door? Sheesh!
Oh!
Ugh!
Perhaps, there is a way...
Well, don't just
keep it to yourself.
That thing's getting closer!
MOE, go to the Bat-vault and fetch
the copies of my Bat-motherboard.
Your Bat-whatsitnow?
Bat-Motherboard.
It's the advanced
technology Batman created
that first allowed me
to speak, to think.
It brought me to life.
And it might do
the same for him.
A talking car?
Machines don't talk!
Oh, wait.
A fully functional,
living Batmobile
might be able to
stop the intruder,
even without Batman driving.
I guess it's worth a shot.
I'm on it!
One stack of Bat-mamaboards.
Mother-boards.
And please be careful
with them, MOE.
They can't be replaced.
Careful is my
middle name. Whoa!
Actually, it's Harvey.
Are you sure about this, BC?
Bringing a car to life?
I've seen horror movies
that start like that.
Batman created these
backup motherboards
in case of an emergency.
I would say this qualifies.
These guys really
don't like company.
Knock, knock!
Yeah-ha-ha! Yes it does.
I'm a fan of this plan.
A big fan!
I suggest you complete the
installation with alacrity.
- Huh?
- Move your bolts, MOE!
Right. Here goes.
Hold on to your circuits...
Hello! You in there?
Whoa!
Where am I? What
just happened?
You know where you are, Bam.
You spend most of
your time here.
As for what just happened...
Well, there was
this security alarm.
Then, this intruder thingy
started taking down
the Batcave defenses.
And then we couldn't
reach Batman,
so, we had to get these
Bat-motherboard doohickeys
and put one inside
of you, and then...
- We need your help, Bam.
- Yeah, that.
Why do you keep calling me, Bam?
It's easier than Batmobile.
I am the Batcomputer,
but you may call me BC,
- if you like.
- Hello, BC.
And I'm MOE, the Mobile
Operations Expert.
You may call me...
the Mobile Operations Expert.
Or MOE. MOE is good, too.
Okay, MOE.
But I still don't understand
what happened to me.
Well, you don't actually need
Batman to drive you anymore.
I don't?
I don't!
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
You can do everything
yourself now.
Drive around, use all
your cool gadgets.
Oh! Batarangs!
- Doh!
- Sorry.
You could put a bot's
optical sensor out with that!
And, yes, you can talk, Bam.
I can?
I can! Echo!
Echo!
Wait, can I talk to Batman?
I'm afraid not, Bam.
No person will be able to tell
that you've been
brought to life.
Almost got it.
Or not.
But right now,
you've gotta handle
whatever that is!
What do you mean, handle?
We need you to use
all your advanced crime
fighting abilities
to stop the intruder.
Just like Batman!
But, I'm not Batman,
I'm just his car.
I think you'll find
you're a lot more
than that, Bam.
Ah!
Honey, I'm home.
Ah! Oh!
I love what Batman's
done with the place.
That thing's trying
to steal the Batcomputer.
You gotta do something, Bam.
All right, here goes.
Uh, get away from there!
Whoa!
A talking car?
This day just keeps
getting weirder.
I'm not gonna let you take BC.
♪ Bam ♪
♪ Bam! ♪
Okay, then. I'll just
take you apart first.
Whoa! Whoa!
♪ Bam ♪
Okay. That's how you want it.
Wait. What?
Yes!
That's the third time this week.
You know how much
something like this costs?
Even more than this.
Bat-grease, activate!
Oh! Ow!
Oh, not another foot.
That's it, Bam!
Show him what you're made of!
Pow! Bop!
Deploying Bat-magnet.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Please. Stop. Doing. That!
Ha-ha!
There I go, always
losing my head.
Ha! We're not afraid of you.
All we had to do was
put one of those spiffy
mama boards in the Batmobile
and it's like having
another Batman!
MOE! Shh!
Ooh! You mean,
these motherboards?
Hey, stop!
I'm going! I'm going!
Bring those back!
Don't worry, I'll lock up.
No!
He got away.
You drove him off,
Bam. Thank you.
I haven't seen moves like that
since Batgirl taught me
how to do the batusi.
You did great.
I... I didn't know
I had it in me.
You really shouldn't
be surprised, Bam.
You're the most advanced
car ever created.
Never forget that.
I hate to spoil the mood,
but that robot just took off
with some of those motherboards.
Who knows what he
could do with those?
MOE is right.
There is no telling
what terrible things
could be brought
to life with them.
What should we do?
I know this is all
still new to you, Bam,
but we need you to get
those motherboards back.
And fast!
you've got cash on wheels!
Make sure you spend it
all in one place, puddin'!
On me!
Oh that's adorable, Harley.
But we stole that
money together,
so Joker had better
share the wealth.
With all of us!
That's right, Penguin!
Don't make me freeze your funds.
Typical Mr. Freeze,
always with the ice puns.
Oh, known accomplices,
don't go counting
the cash just yet.
Eh? What do you mean, Riddler?
Riddle me this!
What has ten wheels, three capes
and a bad attitude?
Huh?
Gah!
It's Batman!
And Robin!
And Batgirl!
It's the whole Bat-pack!
Scatter!
Woohoo!
Ha, they're splitting up.
Like a played-out rock
band. Who should I go after?
Plenty to go around.
Take your pick.
Oh, like my new van, Batman?
I've had a few optional
extras installed!
Pop goes the weasel!
You'll have to do
better than that.
D'oh!
Give it up, Penguin!
You know I'm gonna catch you!
We'll cross that bridge
when we come to it, Batgirl.
Or maybe we won't!
Here we go!
Woo-hoo!
That was sick!
Indeed it was.
And I think I'm going to be...
Sorry, little bird.
I'm putting you on ice.
Activating Bat-Laser!
I'm bringing the heat, Freeze!
Icicles!
Whoa, what in the...
Yoo-hoo, Robin!
Did I mention that
I love your name?
'Cause that's what I'm always
doin'. Ya know, robbin' stuff!
Get him, Harley!
Whoa!
Hey! I said get him, not me!
Sorry, Snow Cone! My bad!
Hold still, will ya'?
You're the nail.
I'm the hammer!
Oh, yeah? Well, you're a hammer
that's goin' to the slammer.
Huh?
Ugh.
You're turn, puddin'!
True story, my driving instructor
told me never to drive angry.
But he didn't say anything
about driving funny!
Great green gobs of
greasy grimy Joker goo!
Think that's funny?
This will really
make you bust a gut.
Ooh!
Augh! Not funny.
Woo!
You never could take a joke.
You've got nowhere to
go, Penguin! Give it up!
Like my momma always said,
if you can't beat
'em... swim for it!
So long, Batgi... What?
I think I got a nibble...
Yup! Landed me a big one!
Four down. One to go.
Hey, what happened
to the stolen money?
You'll never figure it out!
It's over your heads!
Launch mode.
- Yes!
- Let's go!
Now I'll have the
money all to mysel...
Or not.
The only thing you'll have to
yourself is a nice, cozy jail cell.
Hmm.
A good night's work.
Wait. We totes took out
every baddie in Gotham
and that's all we get?
Yeah, not even a
"way to go, yo"?
You must be confusing
me with someone else.
You are Batman, aren't you?
And Batgirl, and Robin?
Hmph. We are.
Oh. Good.
The Mayor sent me to take the
three of you to Gotham City Hall.
To thank you for this
amazing accomplishment,
he wants to present you
with the keys to the city.
Um, yes, please!
That is so cool!
I don't think so.
Tell his honor we're
flattered, but...
- Oh, come on!
- Please, let's go!
We don't protect
Gotham for awards.
Well, the ceremony will raise
money for Gotham's needy.
See? It's for a good cause.
And don't we deserve a
little fun after all that?
What about...
We can have the Batcomputer
send our rides back to the cave.
Alright.
Just this once.
- Yes!
- Whoa!
Batcomputer, recall vehicles.
Right away, Batman.
Engaging Auto Control Systems.
Yes!
Oh, yes! I've never
rode in a limo before!
- Whoa!
- Batman, look at this!
Try the sun roof!
Alert.
There's an intruder in
the entrance tunnel.
I'm coming in!
Huh?
What? Who? Oh
no, it wasn't me!
Someone, or something, is trying
to break into the Batcave.
I calculate less than ten
minutes before it reaches us.
Don't just calculate!
Do something!
Oh, dear!
I am unable to locate or contact
Batman, Robin, or Batgirl.
Aw, that's just great!
Try to remain calm, MOE.
Remember your programming.
I'm programmed to panic!
Aw, let's face it...
Without Batman, we've got
no way to fend off this g...
Another door? Sheesh!
Oh!
Ugh!
Perhaps, there is a way...
Well, don't just
keep it to yourself.
That thing's getting closer!
MOE, go to the Bat-vault and fetch
the copies of my Bat-motherboard.
Your Bat-whatsitnow?
Bat-Motherboard.
It's the advanced
technology Batman created
that first allowed me
to speak, to think.
It brought me to life.
And it might do
the same for him.
A talking car?
Machines don't talk!
Oh, wait.
A fully functional,
living Batmobile
might be able to
stop the intruder,
even without Batman driving.
I guess it's worth a shot.
I'm on it!
One stack of Bat-mamaboards.
Mother-boards.
And please be careful
with them, MOE.
They can't be replaced.
Careful is my
middle name. Whoa!
Actually, it's Harvey.
Are you sure about this, BC?
Bringing a car to life?
I've seen horror movies
that start like that.
Batman created these
backup motherboards
in case of an emergency.
I would say this qualifies.
These guys really
don't like company.
Knock, knock!
Yeah-ha-ha! Yes it does.
I'm a fan of this plan.
A big fan!
I suggest you complete the
installation with alacrity.
- Huh?
- Move your bolts, MOE!
Right. Here goes.
Hold on to your circuits...
Hello! You in there?
Whoa!
Where am I? What
just happened?
You know where you are, Bam.
You spend most of
your time here.
As for what just happened...
Well, there was
this security alarm.
Then, this intruder thingy
started taking down
the Batcave defenses.
And then we couldn't
reach Batman,
so, we had to get these
Bat-motherboard doohickeys
and put one inside
of you, and then...
- We need your help, Bam.
- Yeah, that.
Why do you keep calling me, Bam?
It's easier than Batmobile.
I am the Batcomputer,
but you may call me BC,
- if you like.
- Hello, BC.
And I'm MOE, the Mobile
Operations Expert.
You may call me...
the Mobile Operations Expert.
Or MOE. MOE is good, too.
Okay, MOE.
But I still don't understand
what happened to me.
Well, you don't actually need
Batman to drive you anymore.
I don't?
I don't!
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
You can do everything
yourself now.
Drive around, use all
your cool gadgets.
Oh! Batarangs!
- Doh!
- Sorry.
You could put a bot's
optical sensor out with that!
And, yes, you can talk, Bam.
I can?
I can! Echo!
Echo!
Wait, can I talk to Batman?
I'm afraid not, Bam.
No person will be able to tell
that you've been
brought to life.
Almost got it.
Or not.
But right now,
you've gotta handle
whatever that is!
What do you mean, handle?
We need you to use
all your advanced crime
fighting abilities
to stop the intruder.
Just like Batman!
But, I'm not Batman,
I'm just his car.
I think you'll find
you're a lot more
than that, Bam.
Ah!
Honey, I'm home.
Ah! Oh!
I love what Batman's
done with the place.
That thing's trying
to steal the Batcomputer.
You gotta do something, Bam.
All right, here goes.
Uh, get away from there!
Whoa!
A talking car?
This day just keeps
getting weirder.
I'm not gonna let you take BC.
♪ Bam ♪
♪ Bam! ♪
Okay, then. I'll just
take you apart first.
Whoa! Whoa!
♪ Bam ♪
Okay. That's how you want it.
Wait. What?
Yes!
That's the third time this week.
You know how much
something like this costs?
Even more than this.
Bat-grease, activate!
Oh! Ow!
Oh, not another foot.
That's it, Bam!
Show him what you're made of!
Pow! Bop!
Deploying Bat-magnet.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Please. Stop. Doing. That!
Ha-ha!
There I go, always
losing my head.
Ha! We're not afraid of you.
All we had to do was
put one of those spiffy
mama boards in the Batmobile
and it's like having
another Batman!
MOE! Shh!
Ooh! You mean,
these motherboards?
Hey, stop!
I'm going! I'm going!
Bring those back!
Don't worry, I'll lock up.
No!
He got away.
You drove him off,
Bam. Thank you.
I haven't seen moves like that
since Batgirl taught me
how to do the batusi.
You did great.
I... I didn't know
I had it in me.
You really shouldn't
be surprised, Bam.
You're the most advanced
car ever created.
Never forget that.
I hate to spoil the mood,
but that robot just took off
with some of those motherboards.
Who knows what he
could do with those?
MOE is right.
There is no telling
what terrible things
could be brought
to life with them.
What should we do?
I know this is all
still new to you, Bam,
but we need you to get
those motherboards back.
And fast!