Batman (1966–1968): Season 1, Episode 26 - Batman Sets the Pace - full transcript

We've already seen
innocent shoppers.

A stick-up.

It's the Joker.

A clue?

Yes, to oriental royalty.

Theft of the gold golf clubs.

After them!

But no, theft of the Maharaja.

Did the van vanish...

or shrink?

Traced to their lair...



but not surprised.

Wrapped for mailing.

Into the mailbox.

Addressed to oblivion.

Is there no way out?

No way but up?

Let's all hold our
breath for one minute.

The gasser is yet to come.

Oh, no. Don't give up.

They're so brave.

Yes. One must concede that
they have courage. Heh, heh.

I can't stand it.

Oh, don't think
about it, my dear.

Think about how simple things will
be with Batman out of our way forever.



Think of all the things you can buy
with what we can steal. Heh, heh.

But that's a good idea.

I better check the gauge.

Aah! The gas is 20 feet high in the
chimney. They must be gone. Heh, heh.

Goodbye, dynamic duo. Heh, heh.

- Okay, Joker, let's get out of here.
- No, wait.

First we must shut off the
poisonous gas and pump it out.

Some passerby might get killed.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Oh, there, there.

- Heh, heh.
- Okay, it's off.

Ah, get the truck and
load up. Quickly, quickly.

Go on, boys. Go on, me lads.

I think I'll check to make sure.

Curses. They're getting away.

Look. They
discovered we're gone.

Hey, boss. Hey, boss, boss, boss. Look,
look, look. They're up on the chimney.

I know that, you fool.

- How did they get up there?
- They took the elevator, what do you think?

You want us to get a
rifle and shoot them?

No, wait a minute.

I've got a much more
succulent idea. Heh, heh.

Get in, get in.

Strange, they're leaving.

Perhaps they've
changed their plans.

Now we'll have
to find them again.

Right. Let's go. Remember,
the Maharaja's still in their power.

Ah, drat. Nothing from this hole from
the golf course or from the stolen hairpin.

What did the Joker
use the hairpin for?

To trigger the gas bomb
that knocked out the Maharaja.

The gas bomb.

Of course. If a trace
of the gas remains...

We've got it.

Ah-ha. That's it.

It's an uncommon gas. In
fact, I know of but one place...

- in Gotham City it'd be available.
- Where?

The Ferguson Novelty and
Magician Supply Company.

- That's it.
- Right, and we've gotta hurry.

If the Maharaja isn't
recovered soon...

it could make things very
difficult with his government.

In fact, I'm surprised
there hasn't been...

- Well, let's go.
- Wait. We'll go...

but as Dick Grayson
and Bruce Wayne.

- Why? Do you think...?
- That it's being used as a front by the Joker?

Exactly.

Who does this remind you of?

Careful, old chum.

- Good afternoon. May I help you?
- Thank you.

We thought we might
find some amusing favors...

for a party this
young man's giving.

To be sure.

How about these?

Very ingenious.

Oh, miss.

What is a "one-way
glass reversing refractor"?

A prism, which placed flush
against any one way glass...

will by refraction enable one to
look through the one way glass...

in the direction opposite
for which it was designed.

- Oh, you mean like one-way mirrors and stuff.
- Yes.

You can look through
from the wrong side.

That's right.

Gee, Bruce, this would be
keen for spies, wouldn't it?

Dick, why don't you select something
you like and I'll just, um, browse around.

Anything suspicious?

No, just some squares.

Well, what are you looking at?

A big, fat bundle of ransom.

And I think we've
waited long enough.

So this is the photograph
we took from across the street.

Now, judging from
the topography...

the underground prison room should
be located about here, under the hill.

Holy impregnability.
It's good as a fort.

And if the police try to break in, the
Joker would get too much warning.

The Maharaja could be injured.

So we have to find a
way to get in secretly.

But how?

Fortunately, I got a glimpse of a
large square grill in the back wall.

What do you think it is, Batman?

Unless I missed my guess, it's
the cover for a ventilating shaft...

which comes out right here,
on top of the hill, straight above.

Holy camouflage.
What a way to get in.

If only we knew where it was.

If my trigonometry is correct...

and based on this
photograph, it should emerge...

right here.

Gosh, Batman.

- I'll never neglect my math again.
- Let's go.

- Batman, where are you?
- Shh. Shh.

If it's nearby, they could
hear us down under.

I think I found it.

How far did you say that
room was underground?

About 50 feet, enough to
give us good momentum.

Oh, boy, I'll say. Can I go
first? I wanna see their faces.

Dynamic seniority.

This could be a
mistake, I suppose.

Well, look out below.

Don't anyone move.
You're all under arrest.

- It's Batman.
- Joker, where's the Maharaja?

- I told you he'd find us, you clown.
- Ugh.

What's the matter with you,
Batman? I'm the funny man.

To arms, men!
Repel the invaders!

All right. If that's
the way you want it.

Egads, the tide's
turning against us.

- Let's scram, Joker.
- Oh, okay.

- What happened?
- Where did they go?

Aah! Holy molehill.

- They went into the mountain.
- Fiends.

Probably comes out on
the other side of the hill.

But where's the
Maharaja? I didn't see him.

They probably moved him before we
got here. We'll make a thorough search.

I don't expect to find anything.

Commissioner Gordon.

Oh, hello, Batman.

Yes, I've been
waiting for you to call.

I hope you have
good news for us.

I'm afraid not, commissioner.

We've traced the Joker here to
his hideout and surprised him...

but he eluded us, I'm afraid.

- And the Maharaja?
- There was no sign of him.

If we don't find him soon,
I shall notify Washington.

Yes, I'm aware of that.

- Have you heard about the ransom yet?
- No.

You might send the wagon over here. There
are four of the Joker's men to pick up.

We're at the Ferguson
Magicians and Novelty Supply.

Okay, I'll take care
of that and notify the...

Wait a minute.

Commissioner, the Joker
is on the air on our band.

- He wants to speak to you.
- Bring him in.

- Did you hear that, Batman?
- Yes.

Well, hang on and listen.

This is Commissioner
Gordon's office. Go ahead, Joker.

Good evening, commissioner.
Happy to find you in.

Perhaps you can do me a favor.

I warn you, Joker...

if the Maharaja is harmed, we'll
hunt you down if it takes 100 years.

By that time, my jokes would be stale,
wouldn't they, commissioner? Heh, heh.

I haven't the time for
chitchat with your kind, Joker.

If you have something
to say, say it.

Very well. I want to talk to
Batman. Can you arrange it?

- Did you hear that, Batman?
- Yes, I heard it.

- Do you wanna talk to him?
- By all means.

I just happen to be in touch with Batman now
and we have set up a relay here in the office.

The next time you speak,
he will hear your voice...

and you can hear his reply.

What superb service.

- Are you there, Batman?
- I'm here.

Well, the fun and games are over, old fellow,
and it's time for the harvest, as it were.

I want to enlist your help in
the ransom arrangements.

Never.

Now, don't take a stand until
you've heard everything, old boy.

I've a friend here who
wants to talk to you.

This is Maharaja
of Nimpa speaking.

Your highness,
are you all right?

Quite all right, thank you, and enjoying
delightful interval with bandit Joker.

But now time to
return to business.

Would Batman please arrange
to cash personal check tomorrow?

Your check? What for?

For ransom money, what else?

You're gonna cash the
ransom check yourself?

For how much?

Half-million dollars, U.S.

And how do you intend
to pay it to the Joker?

That is already arranged
between bandit Joker and Maharaja.

What is matter?

You not approve?

I certainly do not approve.
I'll have nothing to do with it.

You're free to do as you wish, of
course, but leave me out of this.

But unfortunate, not
possible to leave you out.

I will let bandit Joker explain.

You see, that's part
of the price, Batman.

You make the arrangements...

you be present when
he cashes the check...

and you endorse the check.

Otherwise, no Maharaja.

It's a rotten bargain, Joker.

But the Maharaja's safety
counts above everything else.

You've won.

The Gotham City State Bank...

main office...

tomorrow morning, 10:00.

Is it always darkest
just before the dawn?

Not when dawn, that
is to say, 10 a.m...

brings ruin and humiliation.

Four hundred and
fifty, 460, 470...

480, one half million dollars.

There he is, right on time.

This way, your highness.

I am Prescott Belmont,
Your Highness.

I don't believe you've met
Batman and his associate, Robin.

How do you do? I wanna thank
you for cooperating, Batman.

- You have the money?
- Yes, it's all here.

Ah.

Good.

- Paid to the order of Batman.
- One T.

Five hundred thousand dollars...

and no cents.

Now, you will endorse.

'Tis a sad day for Batman.

Forced to use his name
for a criminal payoff.

Yes. I'm afraid this will
tarnish his image considerably.

Good. Now I will take the money.

Don't you wanna count it?

- Did you count it?
- Well, yes, of course.

Why should we both count it?

Oh, well...

Your Highness...

do you actually intend to give
this fortune to that criminal...

even though you're free
and there's no necessity?

Last desperate effort.

Why not? You see, Joker
is an honorable bandit.

We made a bargain.

He kept his side. Now, Nimpanese
gentleman must keep my side.

Yes, I can see that you'd
wanna keep your word...

even to a lying criminal.

But to me, Joker did not lie.

You see, in my country, a
bandit is an honorable profession.

And if people lie to bandits,
pretty soon bandit will lie to people...

and everybody will not believe the other
and they will fight amongst themselves.

And then pretty soon,
nobody will have anything.

Also, in my country,
population is 80 percent...

- Let's go!
- Oh, no, you don't.

Batman, what are you doing?

- It's the Joker.
- That it is.

But where's the Maharaja?

- There isn't any.
- There never was.

- You mean it was the Joker all the time?
- Right.

As you recall, you
never saw them together.

Then his goal was not only
an historic criminal coup...

- but your disgrace as well?
- Not only that.

My endorsement on a worthless
check for half a million dollars.

If you hadn't thwarted them...

Oh, Batman, how did you ever
see through his devilish plot?

It wasn't difficult, if you remember
the key to the Joker's twisted mind.

He never means what
he seems to mean.

Now, why didn't
we think of that?

Also, it seems strange that we'd
heard no protest from his government.

So Batman called
the palace of Nimpa.

The real Maharaja is on a
hunting trip in the Nimpa mountains.

You've done it again, Batman.

Egads, I'm deflated.

A fitting end for you, Joker.

Like the rest of
your criminal ilk...

you were never anything but
a threatening bag of hot air.

Chief O'Hara, call your men.
Cart this human trash away.

Right.

An hour or so later at
stately Wayne Manor...

where everything is
now tranquil and serene.

Or is it?

Are you sure you want him, sir?

I got the impression that he had just
satisfactorily concluded the, um, due.

But I must speak to
him immediately, please.

If you insist, sir.

No, Dick. You'll get as fat
as the Maharaja of Nimpa.

Who, Aunt Harriet?

The Maharaja of Nimpa.

I just saw his picture in
the Gotham City Herald.

He was on a tiger
hunting expedition...

and you never saw anybody
so fat in your whole life.

Mercy alive, with
all his money...

you'd think he could afford
to see a doctor about a diet.

It's the Batphone, sir.

Now?

That reminds me, Dick.

I have a new volume
on tiger hunting.

It's in the study, I've been
meaning to show it to you.

Holy encore, you mean...?

- Gosh, Bruce, I'm interested in tiger hunting.
- Excuse us, Aunt Harriet.

- Tea, madam?
- Oh, yes, Alfred.

Yes, commissioner?

Shocking news, Batman.

What could it be?

I've heard a most
alarming rumor...

that you've been asked to go to
California and run for governor.

Calm your fears, commissioner.
The rumor is unfounded.

As long as there's a criminal
at large in Gotham City...

wild horses couldn't
drag me away.

Oh, thank heavens, Batman.

Saints be praised.

Good bye, commissioner.

Holy Golden Gate.

Next week, King Tut
tangoes with the dynamic duo.