Based on a True Story (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Ted Bundy Bottle Opener - full transcript

- Here at CrimeCon in Las Vegas,

a tragic end to the
life of Dahlia Stone.

She was the only known survivor
of the Westside Ripper.

Police sources reveal
that it appears

she took her own life.

- I mean, just... splat.

- And we will be live casting
a special memorial tribute

to Dahlia Stone in
Ballroom A at 9:00 a.m.

- We'll have more on
this story later tonight.

- Oh, my God, I
knew it. I knew it.

I told you he killed her.
- We don't know that.



- OK, maybe we should
just talk to the cops.

We were standing right there.

We look so suspicious.

- You want me to talk to the
cops about a second body?

How's that gonna look?

- Uh, we just ran away.

- Yeah, everybody ran.

Nobody likes talking
to the cops ever.

Ruby and Carlos ran.

They don't know a
fucking serial killer.

We're gonna be fine.
- Oh, really, really?

Am I just overreacting
about the body

that just fell
straight from the sky?

Matt's probably halfway
to Mexico by now



when we're still standing here
like a bunch of fucking chumps.

We have to leave.

Start packing.

This is it. This is it.
- No, no.

- This is the cops.
We're going to jail.

- Shh. Calm down. Calm down.
- Our lives are over.

- I know what you're
thinking, but good news.

It wasn't me.

- OK, well, do you
know what happened?

- Yeah.

All right, so...

I go up to the bar,
right, to confront her,

and she denies it,
but she freaks.

Like, I think she's,
like, a total sociopath.

But that's it.

I leave, and...

Bam.

- You were up there
with her on the roof?

- Relax, all right?

There was one camera,
blind spots everywhere.

We're totally safe.

Justice is served,

and I didn't even need
to get my hands dirty.

- So you're saying she just
confessed and then jumped?

- Well, she didn't
actually confess,

you know, but she knew
she'd been exposed.

Maybe she just...
couldn't handle it.

- Or... or maybe she realized

that she was standing in
front of the Westside Ripper

who was gonna finish the job,

so you threw her the fuck over.

- OK, all right, let's...
Let's... let's...

Everybody stay calm, and we'll
try to figure out next steps.

- Yeah, totally.
- Thank you.

- You guys going somewhere?

- Uh, yeah.

We're not staying here after
everything that happened.

- Well, actually, we are
gonna stay right here,

exactly as we planned,
until the end of CrimeCon.

You got it?

We change hotels,
flights, anything,

that's a red flag.

- So you want us to stay
inside for two days?

- No, Nathan, no,
that would be even weirder.

Just get out there
like a normal person.

- He is so full of shit.

There's no way he
didn't push her.

- I don't know.

I mean, it's... it's...
It makes too much trouble.

All he wants to do is
to protect the brand,

and now he's got this shit show.

- We had one rule:
no more killing.

He broke it.

It was insane that we thought

we could control that
fucking psychopath.

I'm gonna spend my
last night of freedom

at home in my own bed,

and then tomorrow we are
gonna go to the cops,

and we're gonna...
- We're not going anywhere.

You asked me to do this
together, remember?

Together.

And I did.

I got no place to hide.

I'm his fucking alibi.

But now things are getting real,

you don't get to get
all wobbly and give up

and throw us to the wolves,

because maybe... Maybe
that girl did jump.

Maybe he's telling the truth.

If we're gonna destroy our
life, our family's lives,

we better be fucking
sure, and we're not.

So unpack your stuff.

We're staying.

- Hmm.

OK, fine.

But he pushed her,

which means this whole fucking
game is about to be over.

You'll see.

- Signed copies of
"Not Today," folks.

Signed copies of "Not Today."

- Come on over.

Westside Ripper merch
right over here.

Hey, we got signed copies
of "Not Today," folks.

Come on over.

This is the place to do it.

Signed copies of "Not Today."

Real Westside Ripper
merch, signed copies.

You looking for
something special?

- People buy this...

Westside Ripper merch?

- Yeah,
he's my best seller.

Uh, what do you want,
a T-shirt, a calendar,

coloring book right here?

I got everything.

You read "Not Today"?

- Wow.

- This thing's
selling like hotcakes

since she peaced out.

The Westside Ripper,

he's putting my son
through college.

- That's great.

- Excuse me.
- Oh, yeah.

Can I get you something?
- Yeah, I'll take...

- You're gonna love it.
You're gonna love it.

Best book you ever read.

- You know what?

You're stressing me out.

I need a drink.

- Well, wait up.

- What's your favorite murder?

- Uh...

You know, I, um...

I love the classics:

Bundy, Gacy, Leopold and Loeb.

- Love those guys.

- You do?
- Yeah.

- What about you?

- I can't go past my guy
here, the Westside Ripper.

- Yeah?

- All the other
serial killers today,

they have no flair, no style.

Even the Golden State
Killer turned out to be

a mumbly old fuck
in a wheelchair.

- Oh, my God, his
apology at trial?

"Oh, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry." Please.

- Exactly. You
got caught, dude.

Just own it.
- Yeah.

- But the Westside
Ripper, he's got game.

He's making the
cops look stupid.

And I don't believe this
chick for one second.

The Westside Ripper
would never be so sloppy

to leave behind a survivor.

I think she's full of shit and
she made the whole thing up

and that is why she jumped.

- Yeah.

Hey...

You want to have
a drink with me?

- Here we go!
- Oh, boy.

- Yes!
- Oh-ho-ho!

- Shot, shot, shot, shot...

both: Shot, shot,
shot, shot, shot, shot.

- You guys, no, we're
not gonna do... that.

- Come on. You're in
your third trimester.

Just pretend you're
French or something.

- Do whatever you want.

We are in Vegas.
- All right, fine.

- Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

OK, I think that after the
whole dead body incident,

we could all do with
a little pick-me-up.

One for you.

And one for me.

And one for you.
- I don't...

- Oh, there we
go, perfect. OK.

- You want to spit it out?
I mean, we're in Vegas.

- Let's go.
- Whoo!

- Whoo!
- Salud.

- Salud.
- Yes.

Mmm. And...

- Oh, my God, I have
missed you so much.

- And now...

- The fun begins.
- What does that mean?

We're having a great time.
- That means we're dancing.

- Where are we go...
- Come on, come on, come on.

- Hey, come on,
come on, come on.

- So is this is your
first time at CrimeCon?

- Uh, yeah, yeah.

But you know what?

I kind of love it.

- So you make content?

- I do.

I do make content.

- What kind?

- You know, the usual kind...

Uh, abduction, murder.

- Well, I am a TV writer.

- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

I'm actually here researching
my next big thing.

- Have you written
anything I might have seen?

- Uh, I wrote a pilot
last season for NBC

called "Go Forth and Multiply."

It's about a homicidal
gynecologist.

- Oh, love it.
- But...

then Ryan Murphy rewrote
me and got sole credit.

- Wait, so your name's

just not on it at all?

- No.

- That is so shitty.

It's really hard being
good at something

and no one knows it.

- Yeah, it is.

- Hot Plumber!

- Oh, my God.

- Hey, hey!

I
have party favors.

- Do you know this person?

- A little bit.

- Come on.

- Good times.

- Good times.

- ok.

- And I'll see you guys
on the dance floor.

- Mm.

- Hey, are you having fun?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

- It's my first time.

- Oh.

- Aaah!

- So fucking fun.

- I know, I know, I know.

- Except for the
heart palpitations.

- Oh.
- It's OK, right?

- Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, it's normal.

Hey, you'll be OK.

Just... here, just...

Just breathe with me, OK?

You ready? Just breathe
in on the count of three.

One, two, three.

See? This make it OK?

One more time,
just one more time.

Ready? Breathe in.

And let it all out.

There you go.

Better?

- Sometimes Ava and I imagine
you're in bed with us.

- Really?

- And by sometimes,
I mean a lot.

- You are so welcome.

Whoo!

- So, like, what
are you writing now?

I'm actually here researching
a show on the Westside Ripper.

You know, limited
series, prestige drama.

It's very buzzy IP, so
people will love it.

- Yeah, I'd watch that show.

Hey, wait, don't you need to
get the guy's life rights?

- A serial killer's life rights?

- Yeah.

- Fuck that guy.

I mean, he killed a
shit ton of women.

He's in the public domain.

And what's he gonna
do, show up in court

with a bag over his head
and say I defamed him?

- Yeah.

- I'm gonna make a
fortune off that loser.

OK, I'll be back in a sec.

- All right.
- And then we are dancing.

- Ah.

- Guess you should have
got my life rights.

- I love Vegas!

- Me too!

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Hey, that's my wife!

- I'm sorry, man.
- That's...

- I'm really sorry.
- That's my wife.

- Yeah.

Yeah, she is.

- Hey, where's your friend?

- Oh, I killed her.

- What?

- I am the Westside
Ripper, motherfuckers!

- The thing is,
I gotta sell the show now.

This guy,
he's in the zeitgeist.

If he stops killing
or he gets caught

or turns out to be
another mumbly old fuck,

you know, then the show's dead.

- You know what? I
wouldn't worry about that.

He seems pretty committed.

- Yeah, that's what I'm hoping.

All I need is one
murder a month,

keep the show relevant,

new, fresh content.

- New, fresh content?

- Yeah, it's what
the people want.

Hey, where are you going?

- I need water.
- You need water?

- I got to have water.
- Get water. Let's get water.

Let's get water.
- You OK?

- Oh, my God.
- Get water. Get water.

- Ooh.
- Water.

- Ugh!

Yeah, drink the water.

Drink for both of us.

- No, I liked my wine.

- Mm.

- Oh, my God, they are so hot.

Like, what is wrong with them?

- I told Ruby that we
think about her in bed.

- What?
- Yeah.

- I told Carlos the same thing.

- What'd he say?

- I don't think he heard
me, but it was funny.

- I did.

- Do you think they
think about us?

- Fuck yeah!

The hot pregnant couple?

Abso-fucking-lutely,
they think about us.

We're hot and pregnant.

- We are super fucking hot.

- Uh-huh.
- And super pregnant.

- Super all those things, yeah.
- We are.

- Oh, my God.

Ugh.
- What?

- Babe, I'm so sorry my
crazy got us into this mess.

- No.
- This is all my fault.

What are we doing here?

- I love your crazy.

- You do?
- Yeah.

That's why I married you.
- Really?

- For the crazy.

- Oh, God.

You know what the worst
part about all this is?

- What is it?

- If we go to prison,
I'm not gonna be able

to wake up to you every day.

And I love your penis.

I... I really should
tell you that more often.

I do. I really love him.

- Really?
- Yes, he's my favorite.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

I just... yeah, I
just want you to know.

I love the shape.

I... it feels great.
- Feels awesome.

- I... when I met him,

he was just peeking
out of your shorts,

and he was so beautiful.

It was a great meeting.
- He was so happy to meet you.

- Yeah, it was the best
meeting I've ever had.

- He was like, hey!
- Hey!

Do you know I have
not seen, literally,

or not even looked at another
penis since we got married?

- I know.

- Mm.

I love you.
- I love you more.

- I love you more.

- Sorry about...
- No, I love you so much.

- This banana bread is great.

- Really?
- Uh-huh.

- Not as good as
this pink thing.

I had, like, seven of them.

- That's it?

- Oh, my gosh, look. There
they are. Oh, my God.

- Let's do one. One.
- We'll do one.

- OK. We have time for one.
- OK.

- I mean, did we actually
think that would be us?

Maybe we dreamed
too big on this one.

- I think, at the
end of the day,

we're just coupon people.

- I love a coupon.

- Yeah, me too.

- Thank you so much.

So crazy. Can I
get one last one?

- You sure you don't
want to go see them?

I mean, it... it is the
reason we came here.

- OK, one... one more.

- It's OK.
- Bye.

- Bye.

Bye.
- Bye.

- Hey, we don't
need any of this.

We're good.

- Yeah.

- Ted Bundy bottle opener!

Get your Ted Bundy
bottle opener.

Ted Bundy bottle opener.

- I'll take the Killer Jam.

- Thank you.

- Mom, look.

It says the Westside
Ripper's here,

live in Ballroom D.

- What?

There's no way the
Westside Ripper's in here.

This is bullshit.

- Hello, and welcome
to the second episode

of our exciting new
true crime podcast,

"Based on a True Story."

I'm your host, the
Westside Ripper.

And I've spent the
last few days here

in my element at CrimeCon.

And to celebrate, last night,

I killed Dahlia Stone.

- Oh, my God.

- That was no
accident, no suicide.

If you want to know more,

stick around after the break.

- Hey, what's going on?

- The Westside Ripper's here?

- Oh, my... we got to go.
- What?

- Shit.
- Come, come.

- It's Ruby.

Hi.

- Oh, my God, Ava,
where are you?

- Uh, the buffet. Where else?

- OK, well, get
down to Ballroom D.

The Westside Ripper is here.

- What?

- Yeah, he's talking
about how he killed

Dahlia Stone last night.

- Uh, OK, yeah, we're...
We're... we're on our way.

What the fuck?

- This can't be for...

This must be
something different.

- ok.

- Oh, my God.

- What the fuck is he doing?

- i...

- I never met Dahlia Stone.

I never attacked her.

And I certainly never
ran away from her

holding my balls.

I have a long and proud record

of leaving no survivors behind.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- So I followed her up to...

- Oh, my God.
- This is insane.

- Yeah.

- Have you heard of this,
"Based on a True Story"?

- No.

- She said she'd tell
the world the truth:

she made it all up.

But I decided to throw her
over the railing instead.

- Oh, and on the rooftop,

she was wearing a star pendant.

I'm sure my friends at
the LVPD will confirm.

- We got to go

talk to Matt.
- OK.

- We'll
be right back, OK?

- Yeah, yeah.
See you in a bit.

- Oh.

Ava!

- What the fuck are you doing?
- Matt...

- Shh, be cool. Be
cool, all right?

- Hey, you said
you didn't do it.

- Yeah, and I didn't.
I didn't do it.

How many times?
I didn't do it.

But I did have a
light bulb moment.

Nobody gives a shit about
cold cases anymore, right?

It's too old-school,
too "Serial."

Our fans, they want fresh
content, new murders.

And the newer, the better.

- OK, that's great, but
we had an agreement.

You said...
- I know we had

an agreement, all right,

but that doesn't mean...
- Shh.

- That doesn't mean
that we can't, you know,

claim a few of these as our own.

I mean, look at this buzz.

These jackals,
they are loving it.

There is an entire

Westside Ripper
industry out there,

people making money
hand over fist

on my hard work.

What do we get? Nothing.

113 fucking downloads.

We've got to change it up.

This is changing it up.

So get on board,

'cause this dream,

this dream we had together,

it's happening right now.

- Matt, come back.
- I'll see you inside.

- Come...

Wow, this is a lot
of people, huh?

- Yeah.

- You know...

maybe that girl did jump.

- Totally possible.

- Who's to really say who
jumped or didn't jump?

We can't...
- Absolutely.

- Say.
- No, we can't.

- More murders to come.

New podcasts every Friday.

Oh, don't forget: like,
follow, subscribe.

children: Nice shot, Dad.