Barney Miller (1975–1982): Season 8, Episode 17 - Old Love - full transcript

ALL RIGHT, MR. MEYERS. WANT TO
TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED?

EVERYTHING.

ANYTHING ELSE?

WELL, IT'S JUST THAT...

I WOKE UP THIS MORNING ALONE.

IT WAS A LITTLE FOGGY OUTSIDE.

LOOKED LIKE RAIN.

SO I FIGURED, TODAY IS THE DAY

TO DRIVE INTO THE CITY AND...

PICK UP MY ONE TICKET FOR PIAF.

OKAY.



MY WIFE TOOK A HIKE.

I KNOW, YOU TOLD
ME. SHE'S IN FLORIDA.

OH. ANYWAY...
STANDING IN THAT LINE,

WAITING FOR THE BOX
OFFICE TO OPEN, THINKING...

"LIFE IS SLUDGE."

AND THEN THIS PUNK
WALKS UP TO ME...

STICKS A KNIFE IN
MY GUT AND SAYS,

"PARDONNEZ-MOI, PORKY,
BUT THIS IS A RIP-OFF!"

GUESS HE SAW THE SHOW.

SURE. GO AHEAD, MAKE JOKES.

I MEAN, THIS GUY CLEANED ME OUT!

IN BROAD DAYLIGHT, PAL!

MY WALLET! WATCH...
MY CREDIT CARDS!

HE JUST RAN OFF AND
LEFT ME WITH NOTHING!



THAT WHY YOU WENT AND
GRABBED THE LADY'S PURSE?

HEY! THAT'S THE
WAY IT'S DONE HERE!

I'M NOT ENTITLED? NO!

WOJO AND LEVITT STILL OUT
ON THAT BURGLARY CALL?

MM-HMM.

YOU WORKING ON
ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR?

YOU GOT TO DO BETTER
THAN THAT, BARN.

FILE THESE.

MUCH BETTER.

IS THIS OUR MUGGER/MUGGEE?

YEAH, EDWARD MEYERS,
PARAMUS, NEW JERSEY.

I NEEDED MONEY TO GET HOME.

I MEAN, WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO DO?

STUPID PARKING LOT'S
RUNNING ME 10 BUCKS AN HOUR.

PLUS, I DIDN'T HAVE
MONEY FOR GAS,

BRIDGES, TOLL BOOTHS!

SOME LUNCH WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE.

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME

THERE WAS NO ONE YOU
COULD CONTACT IN TOWN?

BUSINESS ASSOCIATES?

FAMILY? FRIENDS?

SURE, THAT'S IT.

KEEP PUNCHING.

BARN, THERE'S A DISTURBANCE
IN PROGRESS OVER ON BLEECKER.

UH... YOU AND DIETRICH.

LET'S GO, ARTHUR.

COME ON, MR. MEYERS...
IN THE CAGE.

I'LL GET IT.

12th PRECINCT. CAPTAIN
MILLER SPEAKING.

WHAT?

IS HE DEAD?

ALL RIGHT, UH... KEEP ME POSTED.

BARNEY?

UH, LEVITT. WHAT?

GUY TRIED TO HOLD UP A LIQUOR
STORE. WOJO HAD TO SHOOT HIM.

DID HE SPEAK FRENCH?

YOU KNOW, AT FIRST,

I ASKED NICE FOR THE MONEY.

BUT NO ONE WOULD EVEN
GIVE ME THE TIME OF DAY.

WELL, THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.

I MEAN, I APPEALED
TO THE HUMANITY

OF HALF THE JERKS IN THIS CITY,

TELLING THEM I WAS ALL ALONE
IN TOWN, THAT I WAS ROBBED,

THAT MY FREEZER PLAN
BUSINESS IS IN THE TOILET,

MY WIFE'S STILL SHACKED
UP IN ORLANDO WITH RAUL.

ALL RIGHT, FOLKS, COME ON.

YOU WANT TO STEP
INSIDE HERE, PLEASE?

LOOK, I DON'T CARE ABOUT ME. I
WANT MY WIFE LEFT OUT OF THIS.

JOSEPH, LOWER YOUR VOICE.

THANK YOU, EMILY.

WHAT DO WE GOT HERE?

BARN, YOU WANT TO GIVE A
ROUSING SQUAD-ROOM WELCOME

TO JOSEPH AND EMILY
LOFTIS, OUR DISTURBANCE?

AND HERE'S CAPTAIN MILLER.

AH, CAPTAIN. CAPTAIN.

WHAT HAPPENED?

WE GOT TO THE WAINWRIGHT
PRIVATE ACADEMY FOR BOYS,

WHERE MR. LOFTIS
WAS IN THE PROCESS

OF ASSAULTING MR. KINGSBURY,
DIRECTOR OF ADMISSIONS.

I TOLD HIM TO TAKE HIS
SNOTTY SCHOOL AND STUFF IT.

BARN, APPARENTLY,
JOE AND EM HERE

WERE RIGHTEOUSLY
INDIGNANT WHEN THEY HEARD

THAT SON JEFFREY'S
ENROLLMENT APPLICATION

HAD BEEN TURNED DOWN.

LOOK, THEY SAID MY SON...

WAS BELOW THEIR STANDARDS.

HE DIDN'T MEASURE UP.

JEFFREY WAS SO DEVASTATED,
HE SOILED HIMSELF.

MASTER LOFTIS WILL
BE 4 NEXT MONTH.

YOU SEE, CAPTAIN,

WAINWRIGHT IS THE MOST
PRESTIGIOUS NURSERY SCHOOL

IN THE ENTIRE CITY.

KISSINGER HAS A NEPHEW THERE.

SCHOLARSHIP?

ANYWAY, WHEN MR. KINGSBURY
DIPLOMATICALLY ATTEMPTED

TO EASE THEM OFF THE PREMISES,

SOME HARSH WORDS WERE
EXCHANGED ON THE PLAYGROUND,

AND THEN A SCUFFLE ENSUED.

HE PUT HIS HANDS ON ME.

NOBODY PUTS THEIR HANDS ON ME.

JOSEPH.

OH.

ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GONNA
NEED SOME STATEMENTS...

CAPTAIN, MY HUSBAND AND
I WERE SIMPLY LOOKING OUT

FOR OUR SON'S BEST INTERESTS.

HE'S OUR FIRST.

THAT'S NICE.

I MEAN, IF WE FAIL TO
PLACE HIM IN WAINWRIGHT,

WHAT DECENT KINDERGARTEN
WOULD EVEN CONSIDER HIM AT ALL?

AND THEN THE FINER
SECONDARY AND PREP SCHOOLS

WOULD BE COMPLETELY
OUT OF SIGHT.

HARVARD WOULD LAUGH IN HIS FACE.

KID'S 4 YEARS OLD.

SURE. NOW.

COME ON, HAVE A SEAT.

DON'T TOUCH ME.

JOSEPH, SIT DOWN.

COME ON, JOEY... IN THE CORNER.

COME ON.

MRS. LOFTIS...

OVER THERE, PLEASE? THANK YOU.

SIR, I'M BACK.

WHERE'S WOJO?

OH, SO ENOUGH OF ME.

SERGEANT WOJCIEHOWICZ
IS CURRENTLY AT BELLEVUE

WITH THE WOUNDED
PARTY IN QUESTION, SIR.

WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, WHEN WE GOT
TO THE LIQUOR STORE,

WE FOUND ONE VICTOR RENALDI

ARMED AND APPARENTLY
IN A DRUG-INDUCED HAZE.

WE IDENTIFIED OURSELVES
AS POLICE OFFICERS.

RENALDI TURNED, THEN POPPED
OFF A ROUND PAST WOJO'S HEAD.

THE SERGEANT HAD NO
CHOICE BUT TO RETURN THE FIRE.

BAD?

NO...

JUST MERELY GRAZED
THE HOODLUM'S SHOULDER.

WE'LL GET HIM FOR THAT, ANYWAY.

UH, SIR,

I MIGHT ALSO MENTION
THAT I GATHERED

COMPLETE AND COMPREHENSIVE
STATEMENTS FROM ALL WITNESSES,

THEREBY FULFILLING MY OBLIGATION

TOWARDS THE DEPARTMENT'S
NEW AND STRICTER GUIDELINES

REGARDING THE
DUTY-RELATED DISCHARGE

OF AN OFFICER'S FIREARM.

DID YOU READ WOJO HIS RIGHTS?

MAYBE.

LEVITT, THAT'S THE REGULATION.

SIR, FROM WHERE I SIT,

THAT PARTICULAR ASPECT
OF THE NEW DIRECTIVE

JUST SEEMS A LITTLE SILLY,
NOT TO MENTION AWKWARD.

AND I AGREE.

HOWEVER, THE
REGULATION IS QUITE CLEAR.

FROM THE MOMENT AN
OFFICER USES DEADLY FORCE,

HE IS SUBJECT TO
DEPARTMENTAL INVESTIGATION.

AND AS SUCH, UNTIL HE IS
CLEARED OF ANY WRONGDOING,

HE'S ENTITLED TO
THE SAME RIGHTS,

THE SAME PROTECTIONS
AS ANY OTHER, UH...

CRIMINAL?

THANK YOU, LEVITT.

HERE, DEAR.

THANKS.

DID YOU GET TO CALL YOUR MOTHER
ABOUT TAKING CARE OF JEFFREY?

SHE CAN'T.

SHE HAS A HEADACHE, LIKE ME.

I HAD TO SEND MY SECRETARY
OVER TO PICK HIM UP.

DWAYNE SAID HE'D BE HAPPY TO.

OH, THAT'S NICE.

HE ALSO TOLD ME THE THIRD FLOOR

IS TEARING ITS HAIR OUT
OVER THE RICHMOND ACCOUNT.

MM-HMM.

I'LL PROBABLY BE
WORKING ALL WEEKEND

JUST TRYING TO MAKE
UP FOR ALL... THIS.

SORRY.

I'M NOT BLAMING YOU.

YOU EVER SLEEP WITH A CUBAN?

EXCUSE ME.

AFTER YOU, COUNSELOR.

SORRY.

THANKS.

I'M SERGEANT HARRIS.
CAN I HELP YOU?

OFFICER RAYMOND WAYMOND,

NEW YORK CITY POLICE
DEPARTMENT, LEGAL DEPARTMENT.

I'M A COP AND A LAWYER.

OH, I LIKE YOU ALREADY.

SERGEANT, I'M DAVID FINGLER...

MARSHALL, LEVINSON,
RADCLIFF, AND COHEN.

OUR LAW FIRM IS
CURRENTLY ON RETAINER

WITH THE SERGEANT'S
BENEVOLENT ASSOCIATION.

I'M CAPTAIN MILLER.
CAN I HELP YOU?

YES...

OFFICER RAYMOND
WAYMOND, ATTORNEY AT LAW.

I'M WITH THE DEPARTMENT'S
LEGAL DEPARTMENT.

PLEASURE. YOU ARE?

DAVID FINGLER, CAPTAIN.

I'M HERE TO REPRESENT
SERGEANT WOJCIEHOWICZ

IN REGARD TO THE ALLEGED
SHOOTING INCIDENT THIS MORNING.

OKAY, VICTOR, COME ON.

NOT IN THERE, COME
ON. RIGHT THROUGH HERE.

HOW YOU DOING?

YOU SURE YOU GOT ALL
THE SPIDERS OFF MY BACK?

YEAH, YEAH. I GOT
THEM ALL. OVER HERE.

HEY, BARN.

THIS IS VICTOR
RENALDI... THE GUY I SHOT.

DON'T GET UP.

UH, SERGEANT, AS
YOUR LEGAL COUNSEL,

I WOULD STRONGLY ADVISE YOU
NOT TO MAKE ANY FURTHER COMMENTS

UNLESS SO ADVISED BY ME.

WHO ARE YOU?

I JUST TOLD YOU.

SERGEANT WOJCIEHOWICZ. YEAH?

OFFICER RAYMOND WAYMOND, LEGAL.

HE'S, UH... A COP AND A LAWYER.

WELL, WHAT'S GOING ON?

JUST THE NEW PROCEDURE, WOJO.

THEY HAVE TO
INVESTIGATE THE SHOOTING.

NO, THIS GUY'S ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S AN OPINION.

WELL, HE MIGHT
BE A LITTLE DUSTED,

BUT THE DOCTOR SAYS
HE'S COMING DOWN FINE.

AND HIS ARM IS OKAY. OH, BOY.

CAPTAIN, DIDN'T ANYBODY AROUND
HERE READ THIS GUY HIS RIGHTS?

I'M GOING, SIR.

HEY, BARN, WHAT
IS THIS ALL ABOUT?

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
TO REMAIN SILENT.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE
TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS.

NO, I'LL ANSWER QUESTIONS.

ANYTHING YOU SAY
MAY BE TAKEN DOWN

AND USED AGAINST
YOU IN A COURT OF LAW.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO
CONSULT AN ATTORNEY

BEFORE SPEAKING TO THE POLICE.

HEY, WHAT DID WE DO?

WHAT, DID THEY CALL ME YET?

NO, NOBODY CALLED YOU.

THEY'RE STILL IN THERE
INTERVIEWING LITTLE LEVITT.

GREAT.

HEY, BRO... COME
ON, MAN, LOOSEN UP!

SURE. YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?

IT'S A BUNCH OF
BUREAUCRATIC GARBAGE.

NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. THANKS.

DIETRICH'S RIGHT.

I MEAN, ANY ONE OF US COULD
HAVE WOUND UP TAKING THAT CALL,

AND HAVING TO SHOOT THE GUY.

IT JUST SO HAPPENS, IT WAS YOU.

APPRECIATE IT.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, OFFICER.

YOUR DISPOSITION
WAS VERY HELPFUL.

DEPOSITION. SURE.

ANYWAY, YOU REALIZE, CARL,

I WAS A UNIFORMED PATROLMAN
MYSELF FOR ALMOST 16 YEARS,

UNTIL I PASSED THE
BAR, AND BECAME ME.

WHAT?

OH, SERGEANT. WE'RE
READY FOR YOU NOW.

YEAH, GREAT.

WOJ?

I TALKED UP YOUR WAR RECORD.

OH? HONOR!

HERE I AM.

OKAY, SERGEANT. WHY
DON'T YOU JUST HAVE A SEAT?

MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.

TAKE A MOMENT TO
COLLECT YOUR THOUGHTS.

AND THEN WE'LL BEGIN.

OKAY.

SERGEANT, YOU REALIZE THIS
INQUIRY IS STRICTLY INFORMAL.

BUT BEFORE WE BEGIN,

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY POLICY IN
CIRCUMSTANCES SUCH AS THIS

TO BREAK THE ICE A LITTLE

AND HAVE EVERYONE TELL A
LITTLE BIT ABOUT EACH OTHER.

WHAT?

EACH OTHER, OF COURSE,
MEANING OURSELVES.

GENTLEMEN, CAN WE
GET ON WITH THIS, PLEASE?

THANK YOU, BARN. CERTAINLY.

I'M SERGEANT HARRIS.
CAN I HELP YOU?

GORDON WENDELL, HEADMASTER,

WAINWRIGHT PRIVATE
ACADEMY FOR BOYS.

OH.

UH, AREN'T WE
MISSING OUR NAPTIME?

YES.

AT ANY RATE, THEY
TOLD ME DOWNSTAIRS

YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING A
MR. AND MRS. LOFTIS FOR US.

YES, THEY'RE RIGHT OVER THERE.

OKEYDOKEY.

HELLO, MRS. LOFTIS.

OH, MR. WENDELL. IT'S
NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

OF COURSE.

ANYWAY, I WAS
RELAXING IN MY STUDY,

CURLED UP WITH A LITTLE DICKENS
AND SOME THINK-AND-DO BOOKS,

WHEN I RECEIVED WORD
THAT YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND

HAD PUMMELED OUR MR. KINGSBURY

INTO A QUIVERING
MASS OF BRUISED FLESH.

I HAD TO SEND HIM HOME.

GOOD.

YOU KNOW, PROUD, ADORING
PARENTS SUCH AS YOURSELVES,

ABRIM WITH HIGH HOPES
AND LOFTY ASPIRATIONS

FOR THEIR LITTLE MAN...

FOR WHATEVER REASON...

WELL, I MEAN, IT'S ONLY NATURAL

TO BECOME A BIT
EMBITTERED, DISILLUSIONED,

EVEN HURT UPON LEARNING
ONE'S MARGINAL TODDLER

JUST CAN'T CUT THE
MUSTARD WAINWRIGHT-STYLE.

WELL, THAT MAKES
ME FEEL A LOT BETTER.

WHY?

MOVING ON AND
LISTENING CAREFULLY,

DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT

HAVE YOUR WEAPON
DRAWN AND AT THE READY

BEFORE YOU NEEDED IT?

NO.

OH? WHY NOT?

WHAT THE HELL KIND
OF A QUESTION IS THAT?

IT'S GERMAN!

GERMANE!

OKAY!

FORGIVE ME...
MR. FANCY LAW FIRM!

BARN... HEY, I SPENT
16 STINKIN' YEARS

OUT THERE ON THE
FRONT LINES... SPORT!

I KNOW WHAT GOES DOWN OUT THERE.

LIKE WHAT?

THINGS!

GENTLEMEN, AREN'T
WE DIGRESSING A LITTLE?

CAPTAIN, I AM MERELY
TRYING TO EXPLAIN

TO MY DISTINGUISHED
CIVILIAN COLLEAGUE

THAT, AT LEAST IN MY ESTIMATION,

FOR A COP TO GO STROLLING

INTO A POTENTIALLY
DANGEROUS SITUATION

WITHOUT HIS REVOLVER
DRAWN AND LOADED FOR BEAR,

WELL, HE'S GOT TO BE NUTS!

I SEE.

AND I TAKE IT THE DEPARTMENT
SANCTIONS THAT POSITION?

NO!

AT LEAST... NOT LATELY.

BECAUSE, GENTLEMEN, I THINK
IT'S FAIRLY APPARENT TO ALL OF US

THAT THIS MAN,
SERGEANT WOJCIEHOWICZ,

PERFORMED HIS DUTIES
THIS MORNING ADMIRABLY

BY SHOWING DISCRETION,
THE PROPER RESTRAINT,

AND, I MIGHT ADD...

NO SMALL MEASURE OF COMPASSION.

RIGHT?

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW?

HUH?

I WAS TRYING TO
BLOW THE GUY AWAY,

YOU STUPID TWERP.

THE ONLY REASON I DIDN'T

WAS HE WAS SO STONED
HE COULDN'T STAND UP.

WOJO.

SERGEANT, WE'RE
HARDLY FINISHED HERE.

WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD!

WOJO!

THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS.

HE WENT THATAWAY.

SO, UH... EVERYTHING GO OKAY?

Waymond: CAPTAIN MILLER.

YES, OFFICER?

WELL, ANYWAY... IN
LIGHT OF THE FACT

THAT THE SERGEANT
TOOK IT UPON HIMSELF

TO REMOVE HIMSELF
FROM THE PROCEEDINGS,

I FEEL I AM COMPELLED

TO CONSIDER THIS
INQUIRY CLOSED FOR NOW.

FINE.

THAT OKAY WITH YOU?

SURE.

I WILL, HOWEVER, HAVE NO CHOICE

BUT TO MENTION THE
SERGEANT'S LITTLE TANTRUM

AS AN ADDENDUM TO
MY OFFICIAL REPORT.

CAN'T WAIT TO READ IT.

I BET.

GOODBYE, CAPTAIN.

OFFICER.

WELL, CAPTAIN, AS FOR ME,
IF THERE'S NOTHING ELSE,

I GUESS I CAN JUST HEAD
BACK TO THE OFFICE...

BIG DAY IN COURT TOMORROW.

GOOD LUCK.

I'M GETTING DIVORCED.

GOODBYE, MR. FINGLER.

AFTER YOU, COUNSELOR.

GOODBYE, MR. LOFTIS,
MRS. LOFTIS.

NO HARD FEELINGS.

RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, IT OCCURS TO ME

THAT EVEN THOUGH
WAINWRIGHT IS AND SHALL REMAIN

COMPLETELY OUT OF THE QUESTION,

YOU MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER

THE TICKTOCK DAY SCHOOL
OVER ON AMSTERDAM.

THEY'LL TAKE ANYBODY.

CRAM IT.

I GET A LOT OF THAT.

BAIL CALL.

I GOT A BAIL TICKET
FOR A LOFTIS, JOSEPH M.

THAT'S US.

I KNOW THAT.

OKAY, JOEY.

IF YOU'LL JUST STEP
OVER TO THE DESK HERE

AND SIGN FOR YOUR
VALUABLES, YOU'LL BE FREE TO GO.

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE WE'LL
BE HOME IN TIME FOR DINNER...

BOTH OF US.

THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN VERY OFTEN.

RIGHT.

LOOK, EMILY, I'M
REALLY SORRY ABOUT...

NO, IT'S OKAY.

ACTUALLY, THE
TICKTOCK DAY SCHOOL

DOES HAVE A CERTAIN RING TO IT.

OKAY. WE'LL CHECK IT OUT.

UH, MR. LOFTIS... JUST
A MINUTE, SERGEANT.

WELL, JOSEPH, IT'S JUST THAT,

IN THINKING ABOUT THIS MORNING,

PICTURING YOU ROLLING
AROUND ON THE BLACKTOP,

WRESTLING WITH THAT DESPICABLE
AND CONSIDERABLY YOUNGER MAN,

JUMPING TO THE AID
OF YOUR ONLY SON...

AND ME...

I JUST CAN'T HELP BUT
FEEL A LITTLE PROUD...

AND AROUSED.

WHERE?

UH, RIGHT THERE.

HERE YOU ARE.

THANKS.

LET'S GET HOME, JOSEPH.
WE'VE GOT THINGS TO DO.

SHE'S THE BOSS.

IT'S OKAY. THEY'RE GONE.

THAT'S GOOD.

WOJO.

BARN.

I HAD TO GET SOME AIR.

BUT I'M BACK.

YEAH, I NOTICED.

SO, WHAT WAS THE VERDICT?

WELL, IT WAS NOT THE IDEAL WAY

TO ADJOURN THE
PROCEEDINGS, BUT, UH...

I FORESEE NO MAJOR PROBLEMS.

WELL, GOOD.

THANKS.

SO, UM... YOU READY
TO TALK ABOUT IT?

NOT REALLY.

OH.

OKAY.

SURE, LET'S JUST DROP IT.

ANYBODY COULD HAVE
TAKEN THE CALL, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

BUT I'M THE GUY
THAT SHOT SOMEONE.

YOU ONLY DID WHAT YOU HAD TO DO.

ANYWAY, LOOK.
THE GUY'S ALL RIGHT.

WELL, BIG DEAL.

THE GUY YOU SHOT
WAS ALL RIGHT, TOO.

YEAH?

WELL, THAT DIDN'T STOP
US FROM BEING SUPPORTIVE.

WOJO... MAN, LOOK, WE'RE SORRY.

I MEAN, WE DIDN'T KNOW.

HOW COULD YOU KNOW?

I WAS SO BUSY GETTING JERKED
AROUND IN BARNEY'S OFFICE.

WOJO... I'M NOT
BLAMING YOU, BARN.

I'M NOT BLAMING ANYBODY.

IT'S JUST THE... IT'S THE WAY

THE EVENTS OF... TODAY

SEEMED TO JUST LOSE
THEIR NATURAL ORDER.

I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.

I FEEL LIKE I WAS
DENIED SOMETHING.

THIS.

YEAH.

YES.

THANKS.

HEY, ANYTIME.

GLAD I COULD HELP.

YOU WANT TO TALK SOME
MORE, I'LL BE IN MY OFFICE.

MAYBE LATER.

HEY.

DID YOU DO THIS?