Barney Miller (1975–1982): Season 7, Episode 19 - Riot - full transcript

YOU KNOW, YOU SEEM TO ME LIKE
A VERY COMPASSIONATE PERSON.

SO, WHAT SAY YOU
GIVE ME A BREAK, HUH?

JUST SHUT UP, WILL
YOU? I'M TYPING.

COME ON, MAN.

IT'S SPRING.

I MEAN, THERE'S
SOMETHING IN THE AIR.

THE PIGEONS ARE CHIRPING.

THE GRASS IS COMING BACK
UP THROUGH THE SIDEWALK.

PEOPLE ARE IN THE
PARK THROWING FRISBEES,

LAYING ON BLANKETS, MAKING OUT.

AND YOU'RE OUT MUGGING THEM.



I DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

GOOD MORNING. HARRIS.

IT IS?

PROBLEM WITH THE APPEAL?

NAH, EVERYTHING'S GOING OKAY.

IT'S JUST THAT, UH...

WE ALREADY WENT
THROUGH ONE TRIAL,

AND NOW I GOT TO GO THROUGH
THE WHOLE THING ALL OVER AGAIN.

IT'S BETTER THAN GIVING
RIPNER THE JUDGMENT.

LOOK, THERE IS NO WAY
ON GOD'S GOOD EARTH

I'M GONNA GIVE THAT
SLEAZEBALL $320,000.

YOU HAVE THAT KIND
OF MONEY TO GIVE?

NO.

THAT'S WHY I'M NOT
WORRIED ABOUT IT.



Wojo: HI, BARN.

MAIL CALL. SERGEANT HARRIS.

THANKS, LEVITT.

TAKE A PUFF. IT'S SPRINGTIME.

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY,
SERGEANT DIETRICH.

RAM IT.

SIR... YOUR MAIL.

MONTH-END CRIME
STATISTICS. THANK YOU.

I THINK YOU'D BE PLEASED TO NOTE
THAT OUR PRECINCT EXPERIENCED

A MAJOR SURGE IN THEFTS
AND PERSONAL ASSAULTS

OVER THE PAST FEW WEEKS.

WHY WOULD I BE
PLEASED TO NOTE THAT?

OH, SIMPLY THINKING IN
TERMS OF JOB SECURITY.

FOR EVERYONE BUT ME, OF COURSE.

CAN I HELP YOU?

DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME, SERGEANT?

HOW COULD I FORGET?

YACOV BERGER.

THE DIAMOND DEALER
WHO WAS ROBBED.

I WAS HERE JUST
A FEW YEARS BACK.

OH, YES. RIGHT, RIGHT.

UH, DID YOU... DID YOU
HAVE THE BEARD THEN?

I'D LIKE TO SPEAK WITH
CAPTAIN MILLER, PLEASE.

HOLD ON.

BARN? YEAH.

MR. BERGER IS
HERE AGAIN. AH, YES.

BARN, EXCUSE ME. UH...

ASK HIM IF HE'S GOT YOUR $20.

WHAT $20?

OH, WELL, YOU...
REMEMBER THE AMISH GUY?

YEAH. WHAT'S THAT GOT
TO DO WITH MR. BERGER?

UH... NOTHING.

FORGET IT.

MR. BERGER.

CAPTAIN MILLER. WHAT
CAN WE DO FOR YOU?

YOU AND YOUR MEN ONCE
DID ME A VERY GREAT SERVICE.

YOU RETURNED SOME VERY
VALUABLE MERCHANDISE.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I HOLD YOU ALL

IN VERY HIGH REGARD FOR THAT.

WE WERE JUST DOING
OUR JOB, MR. BERGER.

I DIDN'T COME HERE TO
HAND OUT COMPLIMENTS.

I CAME TO FIND OUT WHY
THE POLICE ARE NOT THERE

WHEN WE NEED YOU.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU REFERRING TO?

WHAT AM I REFERRING TO?

AT THIS VERY MOMENT,

A FINE JEWISH MAN IS
LYING IN A HOSPITAL ROOM...

SEMI-PRIVATE...

WITH THREE CRACKED
RIBS AND A BROKEN ARM

BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE
FAILED TO RESPOND.

UH, BARNEY...

A MAINTENANCE GUY IN THE
STEAM TUNNELS UNDER HOUSTON

JUST REPORTED SOME
PEOPLE WITH GUNS.

BARN, THIS COULD
BE GANG ACTIVITY.

BETTER NOT TAKE ANY CHANCES.

BREAK OUT SOME
WEAPONS. ON MY WAY.

MAKE SURE YOU GOT
SOME UNIFORMS AS BACKUP.

GET ON THE PHONE TO KOGAN AND
GET SOME SQUAD CARS IN THE AREA.

WHAT DO YOU WANT
FROM ME, A MEDAL?

AND THEN FRIDAY NIGHT, EPHRAM
MEYER IS ATTACKED BY THREE HOODLUMS

RIGHT OUTSIDE GRAMERCY PARK.

WE'VE HAD QUITE A FEW INCIDENTS
IN THAT NEIGHBORHOOD RECENTLY.

HE'S OUR CANTOR. HE WAS
WALKING HOME FROM SHUL.

A FINE, PEACE-LOVING
MAN. HOW WE ALL LOVE HIM.

NEVER MIND HE HAS
A CROAK IN HIS VOICE

THAT WOULD FRIGHTEN A COW.

A WOMAN SAW IT ALL
FROM HER WINDOW.

SHE BROKE HER SABBATH
AND TELEPHONED FOR HELP.

25 MINUTES LATER, THE POLICE
ARE KIND ENOUGH TO SHOW UP.

WELL, WE... WE WEREN'T
WORKING THAT NIGHT.

DOES ANYBODY?

MR. BERGER, I HOPE YOU'LL
APPRECIATE OUR PROBLEM.

WE HAVE JUST SO MUCH MANPOWER.

THERE'S A LOT OF CRIME OUT
THERE AND JUST SO MANY OF US.

TELL THAT TO MR. MEYER,
WHO, AT THIS MOMENT,

DOESN'T KNOW IF HE'S IN
THIS WORLD OR THE NEXT.

I DON'T KNOW THE SPECIFICS
OF THIS PARTICULAR INCIDENT,

BUT I PROMISE YOU THE
DELAY WILL BE INVESTIGATED.

I HOPE SO, CAPTAIN.

I'M TELLING YOU SOMETHING.

THE HASIDIC COMMUNITY

IS NOT GOING TO STAND
STILL MUCH LONGER.

WE ARE TIRED OF BEING
THE FAVORITE TARGET

OF EVERY TWO-BIT HOOLIGAN.

WE WANT CONCRETE
AND VISIBLE ACTION TAKEN

TO FINALLY PUT AN END TO THIS.

WE WILL DO EVERYTHING WE CAN.

I FEEL SAFER ALREADY.

MR. BERGER... I UNDERSTAND.

I HOPE THAT YOU DO.

OKAY, FOLKS, YOU WANT
TO, UH, STEP INSIDE HERE?

THERE WERE 50 BUMS DOWN THERE

YOU COULD HAVE
ARRESTED INSTEAD OF US.

EXCUSE ME.

THIS IS OUR GANG?

SAY HELLO TO THE NELSONS, BARN.

THIS IS, UM... UH,
BILL AND WENDY.

THIS IS CAPTAIN MILLER.

OH! A PLEASURE.

UH, THEY WERE DOWN IN
THE STEAM TUNNELS, BARN,

WHERE THEY APPEAR TO HAVE
TAKEN UP PERMANENT RESIDENCE.

IT'S THE SAFEST
PLACE IN THE CITY.

THEY HAD COTS,
LANTERNS, BOTTLED WATER,

AND WHAT LOOKED
LIKE A SIX-MONTH SUPPLY

OF CANNED GOODS
AND DEHYDRATED FOOD.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING
WE DON'T KNOW?

IT'S OVER.

THEY'RE SURVIVALISTS.

THIS SOCIETY IS ON THE
VERGE OF COLLAPSE, CAPTAIN.

CRIME. INFLATION.

DEPRESSION, UNEMPLOYMENT,
OVERPOPULATION.

OH, LET'S NOT FORGET
NATURAL DISASTERS, BILL.

LET'S SEE, THERE'S
DROUGHT AND EARTHQUAKE

AND WORLDWIDE CROP FAILURE.

WE ARE GONNA BE PREPARED.

IN PREPARATION, THEY HAVE
THESE TWO .22-CALIBER RIFLES.

HAD A COUPLE OF PELLET GUNS.

THEY HAD AN
ASSORTMENT OF KNIVES,

BAYONET, AND SLINGSHOT.

I CAN HIT A RAT FROM
20 YARDS WITH THAT.

VERY IMPRESSIVE.

AND SURPRISINGLY ENOUGH,
THEY TASTE A LOT LIKE CHICKEN.

OH!

THEY GOT PERMITS
FOR THESE WEAPONS?

UH, NO, BARN.

THEY SAY THEY WERE
HOUSEWARMING GIFTS.

BOOK 'EM.

Bill: LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, CAPTAIN.

WHEN THE CRUNCH COMES,
IT'S ONLY THE PEOPLE LIKE US

WHO HAVE LEARNED HOW
TO BE SELF-SUFFICIENT

WHO ARE GONNA SURVIVE.

IN THE SEWER?

WELL, THAT'S ONLY TEMPORARY.

SOON AS WE GET
OUR FUNDS TOGETHER,

WE'RE MOVING OUT OF THE CITY.

OH, YES, WE HAVE OUR EYE

ON A LOVELY OLD
NATIONAL GUARD ARMORY...

IN MAINE.

HARRIS.

GOOD AFTERNOON.

HEY, D.D.

INSPECTOR.

ISN'T IT NICE THAT SOME OF US

CAN JUST SIT AROUND
READING A NEWSPAPER

WHILE THOSE VERMIN ARE
RUNNING WILD IN THE STREETS?

WE GOT AN EMPTY CAGE HERE
JUST SITTING THERE, GOING BEGGING.

THAT'S BETTER, D.D.

OH, INSPECTOR. HEY, BARNEY.

WHAT BRINGS YOU AROUND?

I JUST STOPPED BY TO
SEES HOW'S BUSINESS.

AND WHEN HE GOT THERE,
THE CUPBOARD WAS BARE.

OH, WOJO JUST TOOK A
MUGGER DOWN TO THE TOMBS.

DID HE? SPLENDID!

- JUST ONE, HUH?
- YEAH.

I DON'T LIKE TO
COMPLAIN, BARNEY,

BUT THESE MEASLY
ARREST STATISTICS

COME DRIFTING ACROSS
MY DESK, YOU KNOW,

AND THEN I GOT TO GO AND
ANNOUNCE THE NUMBERS

TO THOSE BLOODSUCKERS
OF THE PRESS

WHO ARE JUST ALWAYS
LOOKING FOR AN EXCUSE

TO JUMP ALL OVER
THE OLD INSPECTOR.

YEAH, I KNOW.

ESPECIALLY THAT SLIMY
WORM FROM THE TIMES, HUH,

WITH HIS SMARTY-PANTS
QUESTIONS...

"COULD YOU GIVE
US ANY SPECIFICS?"

"COULD YOU GIVE US
SOME DOCUMENTATION?"

"WHO'S KLEINER?"

I'M SORRY.

W-WHERE... WHAT WAS...
WHAT WAS MY POINT, BARNEY?

I'M NOT CERTAIN.

I THINK IT HAD TO DO
WITH ARREST STATISTICS.

AH. THAT'S IT.

WE NEED MORE OF THEM, BARN.

INSPECTOR, WITH THE
AMOUNT OF MEN WE'VE GOT,

WE'RE LUCKY TO BE
HOLDING OUR OWN.

I KNOW IT'S TOUGH, BARNEY,

AND I DON'T WANT TO PUT
THE PRESSURE ON YOU,

BUT I WOULD LIKE TO
SEE A LITTLE UPSURGE

IN THOSE NUMBERS.

OTHERWISE, I'M JUST GONNA
HAVE TO CUT YOU OUT OF MY WILL.

I'M JUST KIDDING, BARNEY.

LIKE A CUP OF JAVA?

UH, NO, NOT...

Levitt: SIR? HMM?

YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED TO KNOW

THERE'S A BUNCH OF HASIDICS
GATHERING OUTSIDE THE PRECINCT.

OH, YEAH.

I PASSED A COUPLE OF
THEM ON MY WAY UP HERE.

LOOK LIKE THE SMITH
BROTHERS, RIGHT?

I THINK THERE'S ABOUT
200 OF THEM DOWN THERE,

AND THEY DON'T SEEM TO
BE IN A VERY GOOD MOOD.

WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM?

THERE HAVE BEEN A LOT OF
INCIDENTS IN THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD.

THEY'RE COMPLAINING ABOUT
LACK OF POLICE PROTECTION.

I'LL JUST GO DOWN AND
STRAIGHTEN THEM OUT.

OH, INSPECTOR, THAT
REALLY WON'T BE NECESSARY.

IT'S OKAY, BARNEY. I DON'T MIND.
IT'S PART OF MY JOB, BARNEY.

UH, I'LL GO DOWN WITH YOU.

I CAN HANDLE IT, BARNEY.

IT'S JUST THAT THESE
PEOPLE ARE, UH...

WELL, THEY HAVE DIFFERENT WAYS.

THEY'RE VERY SENSITIVE.

DON'T WORRY.

I CAN UNDERSTAND
A SITUATION LIKE THIS

HAS TO BE HANDLED WITH
A VERY DELICATE TOUCH,

SO I'LL JUST GO
DOWN, TALK TO THEM,

LISTEN TO THEM QUIETLY,

AND DEAL WITH THEM ON A
PERSONAL, ONE-TO-ONE BASIS.

OKAY, FINE. THANK YOU.

TESTING.

TESTING, TESTING.

NOW HEAR THIS. ONE, TWO, THREE.

NOW HEAR THIS, NOW HEAR THIS.

THIS IS YOUR INSPECTOR SPEAKING.

OKAY, FOLKS, WE'RE GONNA
PUT YOU IN THE CAGE NOW.

YOU ARREST A LOT OF
COUPLES, SERGEANT?

MOSTLY FAMILY DISPUTES.

WE NEVER FIGHT.

OH. GOOD.

ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES BILL
PRETENDS TO BE A MINORITY PERSON

AND ATTACKS ME FROM BEHIND,
JUST TO TEST MY REFLEXES,

AND THEN I PRETEND
TO KICK HIM IN THE GROIN

AND GOUGE OUT HIS
EYES WITH MY CAR KEYS.

HMM.

I LIKE YOU TWO.

UM, BARN, I CHECKED
THE NELSONS FOR PRIORS.

THEY'RE CLEAN.

THEY EVIDENTLY GOT THEIR RIFLES

FROM A SURVIVALIST GUY OVER
AT A STORE ON STATEN ISLAND,

AND HE'S COMING DOWN.

12th PRECINCT.
SERGEANT DIETRICH.

WHAT? ALL RIGHT.

BARNEY, THAT'S KOGAN.

THERE'S SOMETHING
GOING ON DOWNSTAIRS.

THE HASIDIM ARE RIOTING.

THINK LUGER TALKED TO THEM YET?

KOGAN'S NOT PICKING UP.

OH, UH, BARN,

I GOT MANHATTAN
SOUTH ON LINE TWO.

- OH, GOOD.
- Levitt: SIR...

THERE MUST BE 100
OF THEM DOWNSTAIRS.

THEY GOT ROCKS AND BOTTLES.

THEY'RE TEARING THE PLACE APART.

WANT ME TO CALL US A CAB?

HOW MANY UNIFORMS
WE GOT DOWN THERE?

SIX, INCLUDING ME.

OH, GREAT.

LOOK, YOU TELL THEM WE
NEED REINFORCEMENTS NOW.

RIGHT. BETTER SEND A
COUPLE OF AMBULANCES, TOO.

UH, PUT THESE TWO
SOMEPLACE SAFE, HUH?

HOW ABOUT THE CAGE?

FINE.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

THE JEWS ARE RIOTING.

AND YOU ALWAYS SAID IT WAS
GONNA BE THE PUERTO RICANS.

LOOK, I DON'T CARE HOW BAD
THE TRAFFIC IS, JUST MOVE IT.

BARN, THE CAVALRY'S ON THE WAY.

OKAY, GOOD. LET'S GO.

UH, KEEP AN EYE ON THEM,

AND KEEP A LINE OPEN
TO MANHATTAN SOUTH.

COULD WE HAVE OUR GUNS, PLEASE?

OFFICER... OFFICER, I
KNOW HOW TO HANDLE A .38,

AND WENDY HERE IS NO SLOUCH
WITH A GRENADE LAUNCHER.

OH, BILL, YOU'RE
EMBARRASSING ME.

FOLKS, WE'RE GETTING THE
SITUATION UNDER CONTROL,

SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST
SIT DOWN AND RELAX?

AAH! OH!

SHALOM!

NOW, THIS IS GONNA STING
JUST A LITTLE BIT, DEAR.

GOOD.

YOU OKAY, LEVITT?

YES, SIR. SUDDENLY
I WISH I WERE DEAD.

OH, COME ON. YOU
DID WHAT YOU COULD.

SURE.

HEY, COME ON, YOU
WERE OUTNUMBERED.

GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES,

ANY ONE OF US COULD
HAVE ENDED UP...

HANDCUFFED TO THE CAGE.

IT JUST HAPPENED TO BE YOU.

I'M CERTAINLY LOOKING FORWARD
TO ALL THE LITTLE CUTE REMARKS

AT MY EXPENSE WHEN
THIS GETS AROUND.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

ALL RIGHT, COME ON, RASPUTIN.

GET IN HERE.

YOU OKAY, HOUDINI?

HARRIS!

UH, THIS IS VICTOR COHEN...

UH, DISORDERLY CONDUCT,
FAILURE TO DISPERSE,

AND ASSAULT WITH A COAT RACK.

BOOK HIM.

COME ON.

AND WATCH YOUR STEP, HUH?

SOMEBODY BROKE THE WINDOW.

HOW'S THE SITUATION DOWNSTAIRS?

WHOLESALE DESTRUCTION.

OH, WONDERFUL.

COUPLE OF PADDY WAGONS
JUST TOOK THE OVERFLOW

DOWN TO MANHATTAN SOUTH.

ANY SERIOUS CASUALTIES?

A COUPLE OF THE COPS
ARE GONNA NEED STITCHES,

AND WE HAD TO SEND ABOUT
15 HASIDS TO THE HOSPITAL.

GREAT.

OH, YOU KNOW THE
COUNCILMAN THAT CAME OVER

TO TRY AND CALM THINGS DOWN?

- YEAH.
- HE'S RESTING COMFORTABLY.

- WHAT?
- KOGAN BOPPED HIM
WITH A NIGHTSTICK BY MISTAKE.

I FEEL BETTER.

Wendy: ROLAND, HELLO!

WENDY, BILL.

CAN I HELP YOU?
I'M CAPTAIN MILLER.

ROLAND KENT.

I OWN ARMAGEDDON SUPPLY AND
MINIMART OVER IN STATEN ISLAND.

OH, YEAH.

UH, I UNDERSTAND THERE'S
SOME SORT OF PROBLEM HERE.

THEY KICKED US OUT
OF THE TUNNEL, ROLAND.

AH.

AND THEY PUT SO
MUCH WORK INTO IT.

I MEAN, THEY BOUGHT

MY TRIPOD-SUSPENDED LISTER BAG,

MY PORTABLE FIELD TOILET,

AND THE BUNKER
BEAUTIFUL DINETTE SET.

NOT TO MENTION A COUPLE
OF .22-CALIBER RIFLES.

THAT'S COMPLETELY
LEGAL. I HAVE A LICENSE.

YEAH, I'M AFRAID
THE NELSONS DON'T.

WELL, THEY SAID THEY DID.

I-I THOUGHT HE MEANT
A DRIVER'S LICENSE.

LOOK, THEY MAY HAVE
BENT THE LAW A LITTLE,

BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND.

ONE OF THE VERY KEYS TO SURVIVAL

IS THE PROCUREMENT OF
UNDOCUMENTED FIREARMS.

REALLY?

I MEAN, LOOK AROUND YOU.

SOCIAL COLLAPSE
IS JUST A STEP AWAY.

AND THEN MARTIAL LAW,

THE COMPLETE SUSPENSION
OF CIVIL LIBERTIES.

YOU LEAVE A TRAIL OF PAPERWORK,

SOON YOU'LL HAVE THE
GUN-CONFISCATION SQUAD

KICKING IN YOUR DOOR,

VIOLATING YOUR RIGHTS,
VIOLATING YOUR WIFE,

LEAVING YOU DEFENSELESS.

NICE TALKING TO YOU.

WE'RE GONNA NEED
SOME MORE INFORMATION.

- NO KIDDING.
- DIETRICH.

Dietrich: OVER HERE.

INSPECTOR.

TALK ABOUT TOUCHY.

GOD, WHAT HAPPENED?

I DON'T KNOW, BARNEY.

I WENT DOWN THERE TO
TALK TO THEM, YOU KNOW?

SO I WALKED OUT ON
THE STEPS, AND I SAYS,

"THIS IS INSPECTOR LUGER, NYPD.

"I WANT YOU TO KNOW WE'RE
WORKING ON YOUR PROBLEM.

"IN THE MEANTIME,

WHY DON'T YOU ALL GO
HOME AND TAKE A SHAVE?"

NEXT THING I KNOW, I
WIND UP AS A WELCOME MAT.

SHOULD HAVE SEEN THEM, BARNEY...

COMING AT ME,
SWARMING ALL OVER ME

LIKE A PLAGUE OF ANGRY LOCUSTS.

NOW I KNOW WHY YOU DIDN'T
WANT TO GO DOWN THERE WITH ME.

EXCUSE ME, BARNEY.

I WANT TO GET
TIDIED UP A LITTLE BIT.

OH.

SO THERE IT IS, HUH?

MR. BERGER.

I, UH, UNDERSTAND

THERE WAS A DIFFERENCE
OF OPINION HERE TODAY.

- CALL IT A RIOT.
- BY WHO?

I UNDERSTAND... I HEARD
THAT THE POLICE OVERREACTED.

ALL ALLEGATIONS
WILL BE INVESTIGATED.

I TRIED TO IMPRESS
ON YOU THIS MORNING

THE DESPERATENESS
OF THESE PEOPLE.

THAT JUSTIFIES THIS?

A DROWNING MAN WILL GRAB
EVEN THE POINT OF A SWORD.

WITH ALL DUE
RESPECT, MR. BERGER,

YOU CAN STICK THAT IN YOUR HAT.

GOT THE INFORMATION
FROM MR. KENT.

TURNING IT OVER TO THE
CONFISCATION SQUAD, SERGEANT?

NO, THEY GET A CARBON.

SURE, MAKE YOUR JOKES.

ALL RIGHT, IF WE WANT YOU,
WE'LL CALL YOU, MR. KENT.

CAPTAIN, I HEARD
WHAT HAPPENED TODAY.

STILL GONNA TELL ME I'M CRAZY,
THAT EVERYTHING'S HUNKY-DORY,

SOCIETY ISN'T GOING
DOWN THE DRAIN?

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT, MR. KENT.

MAYBE IT IS ALL COMING APART.

WE GOT PEOPLE OF LAW AND
FAITH BEHAVING LIKE ANIMALS,

COPS WHO CAN'T EVEN
MAKE A DENT IN CRIME.

WE GOT OZZIE AND
HARRIET LIVING IN A SEWER.

MAYBE IT IS ALL OVER.

BUT I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING...

CRAWLING INTO A HOLE
WITH A MACHINE GUN

AND A YEAR'S SUPPLY
OF POWDERED EGGS

MAY BE SURVIVAL,

BUT IT SURE AS
HELL AIN'T LIVING.

AND, PERSONALLY,
IF SOCIETY IS GOING,

I'D JUST AS SOON GO WITH IT...

'CAUSE I DO NOT
RELISH THE THOUGHT

OF STARTING ALL OVER
AGAIN WITH PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

JUST LEAVES MORE FOR US.

WELL, UH, CAPTAIN...

I SHOULD GO BACK TO MY SHOP.

GOOD DAY, MR. BERGER.

WHO KNOWS?

MAYBE SOMETHING GOOD
WILL COME OUT OF ALL OF THIS.

MAYBE, BUT I SERIOUSLY DOUBT IT.

THAT'S GOOD.

TOO MUCH HOPE
CAN DRIVE YOU CRAZY.

BARNEY.

I THINK I'LL BE HEADING
ALONG BACK DOWNTOWN.

ARE YOU OKAY, INSPECTOR?

OH, YEAH, FINE, BARNEY. SURE.

I JUST WANTED TO SPLASH
A LITTLE WATER ON MY FACE,

YOU KNOW, GET RID OF SOME
OF THESE DUSTY FOOTPRINTS.

RUN MY BRIDGE UNDER THE
TAP, RINSE IT OUT A LITTLE.

I'M GOOD AS NEW. GOOD.

WELL, I GOT TO FACE THE PRESS,

TRY TO EXPLAIN AWAY
THIS MISERABLE HAPPENING.

GOOD LUCK.

YOU WANT TO COME ALONG
WITH ME, BARNEY, HUH?

HELP ME SQUIRM OUT FROM UNDER
SOME OF THEIR STUPID QUESTIONS?

- NO, THANK YOU.
- FINE.

THEN I CAN BLAME IT ALL ON YOU.

SEEN MY BASEBALL?

LIZ, I'M FINE. BELIEVE ME.

IT WASN'T THAT BAD.

YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ALWAYS
LOOKS WORSE ON THE NEWS.

LUGER WAS ON?

DID HE MENTION ME?

GOOD.

OH, I DON'T KNOW,
A COUPLE HOURS.

I GOT TO CLEAN UP AROUND HERE.

NO, NO. I REALLY AM NOT IN
THE MOOD FOR A BIG MEAL.

ON THE WAY HOME,
I'LL PICK UP SOME DELI.

OR MAYBE CHINESE.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, BABE.

YEAH?

BARN, HERE'S A
LIST OF THE INJURED,

A RUN-DOWN ON PROPERTY DAMAGE,

AND AN ESTIMATE ON
MY DRY-CLEANING BILL.

I'LL TAKE THAT UNDER ADVISEMENT.

YEAH?

BARN, I RAN THE REST OF
THE HASIDICS DOWNTOWN

AND FINISHED THE REPORTS.

ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.

- I'VE BEEN CLEANING UP
OUT THERE.
- GOOD.

I STILL CAN'T FIND MY BALL.

I'M SORRY.

I THINK LUGER TOOK IT.