Backstrom (2015): Season 1, Episode 8 - Give 'Til It Hurts - full transcript
The team investigates when a hit-and-run leaves a wealthy woman dead.
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[ knock on door ]
At last.
Lieutenant backstrom
is coming?
I, too, would like
to go home at night.
Look, I was driving backstrom
here for his appointment,
And then he got a very important
phone call, all right?
But he insisted I come here
and tell you in person, so...
What kind
of important call?
A summons from the
head of the civilian
oversight committee.
[ sighs ]
thank you for coming.
I'm not gonna say no
to a booty call.
First thing I said on
the phone is, "this
is noa booty call."
And yet we're headed
towards your bedroom.
Because that is where
the possum is.
Uh-huh. Okay.
Yeah. You know what?
I'm not hearing anything.
Maybe he went away
on his own?
You know,
if you're lonely,
You don't need to
make up stories
About rabid possums
in your bedroom.
Let's discuss
our delusions
After you get rid of
the possum.
Let's do this.
Backstrom: Ah!
[ possum squeaks ]
Uh, okay,
you weren't kidding!
[ possum chitters ]
You've got a, uh...
Wild animal probably pooping
ebola on your bed.
Oh, god.
Here's $18.
Go stay at a hotel.
Where? In 1952?
[ electronic voice ]
text. Text. Text.
Oh, shoot.
Duty calls.
I need you
to get me a ride.
How did you get here?
Valentine.
But he took off.
Why?
'cause he knew
this was a booty call.
[ sighs ]
[ indistinct conversations ]
[ police radio chatter ]
Man: One floor upstairs.
I'll get him.
Backstrom:
There you go.
Evening, lieutenant.
Why'd you take a cab?
'cause that's what
grown people do
When they need to
get somewhere.
The victim
is vanessa taymor, age 44.
Blunt-force trauma
Consistent with being struck
and run over by an automobile.
What, that spaceship?
No. That vehicle
was registered to the victim.
Oh, right, 'cause that
battery-operated vanity toy
Probably couldn't go
fast enough to kill someone.
This is vanessa taymor.
Vanessa taymor,
the former venture capitalist.
She made a bajillion dollars
before she retired?
She's married
to tad taymor.
Tad taymor?
[ chuckling ]
tad taymor?
Stop saying
"tad taymor."
Famous former
tennis player.
So, the victim
is rich.
That's why we're here.
A rich person
gets hit-and-runned,
The big guns
get called in.
Is that it?
Bertolt brecht says,
"corpses sour you.
They are bad
for objectivity."
Niedermayer...
Seriously.
This overlapping pattern
of forward and backward,
Centrifugally formed impressions
suggests otherwise.
I --
But the driver
struck vanessa taymor here.
She hopped up onto the hood,
cracked the windshield,
And she landed here.
And then the driver
then slams on his brakes,
Causing these skid marks,
jams it in reverse,
Burning rubber here,
backing over the victim
While she lay prone
on the ground,
And then slamming
on his brakes again here --
Phew! -- And then floors it
into forward,
Hitting the victim
for a third time
Before continuing out
on the exit.
I mean, at least,
that's the way I see it.
I'm officially
declaring this
"a hit, another hit...
Another hit...
And run."
Thank you.
Thank you.
That's good, right?
[ groans ]
Oh, you got to
really hate someone
To run over 'em
that many times.
Obviously,
the husband did it,
Somebody with balls
big enough
To pretend that tennis
is a real sport
And rich enough
to think
That he could drive away
with murder.
Putting him in jail with
the bottom one percent --
Oh, that's
gonna be fun.
[ birds chirping ]
[ electronic voice ]
work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
[ cellphone vibrating ]
[ sighs ]
work. Work. Work.
Work.
It's about time
you called.
You got the husband
in custody?
Gravely: Yes.
He's in the hospital,
but the doctor says
he can't talk to us.
Just pick me up
on the way.
The doctor says...
The rich bastard
can't hide
Behind a note
from his doctor, okay?
And get me a coffee.
I made it clear that mr. Taymor
is unable to speak right now.
Oh, did he pay you off
to say that?
Mr. Taymor is sedated.
We'll call you when he wakes.
Oh, what happened?
Did he split open his nose
on the steering wheel
When he ran over
his wife?
Mr. Taymor
has stage-4 lung cancer.
As a participant in a blind
experimental treatment protocol,
He hasn't left the hospital
in six weeks.
Excuse me.
Terminal cancer.
Wow.
Talk about overdoing it
with the alibi.
Dr. Deb:
Lieutenant backstrom.
Oh. Hey.
Gravely,
this is my doctor, deb.
Back in his home country
of tandooristan,
He is the sultan
of surgery,
But here he just works
for the police union.
I'm here visiting a patient
who needed surgery,
Just like I'll visit you
when you're here
For your quadruple bypass.
Okay.
You've missed
three appointments.
Do you have
a good reason?
Yes, I do.
It's not...
Terminal cancer,
But it...
It's a pretty good reason.
Miss one more appointment,
and I will have to withdraw
Your provisional
fitness certification.
Nice to meet you,
detective gravely,
And you have
my deepest sympathies.
And I feel your pain...
Dr. Chaman.
"dr. Chaman"?
"deb" is
his first name?
Nadia:
I was able to access
The victim's
contact and digital calendar.
Huh. Hotel events manager
corroborates
That she was there
checking out facilities.
She has a curious
appointment today.
Niedermayer:
At 2:00 p.M., m.J. At m's?
Mm-hmm,
and that same appointment
Recurs every Thursday,
So I went online
to check for clues
On what "m.J." stands for,
and guess what?
Almond: Hmm?
Marijuana.
Mm.
So, "m's" her dealer?
And there's also
michael jackson, moose jaw,
Monster jam, mechanical joint,
and megajoules.
So, she has
weekly energy meetings?
In moose jaw?
[ chuckles ]
You guys
are mocking me.
Okay, so, what do you think
it stands for,
You -- you
smarty-pants boys?
Mahjong.
Rich ladies play mahjong
in the afternoon.
"m" is her friend
who hosts.
How do you know
about mahjong?
My mom
used to make me
Go to after-school programs
when I was kid
Funded by rich ladies,
And every now and then,
I had to put on a suit and tie
And go by
and say "thank you"?.
During mahjong?
Oh, yeah.
They love it.
Aha. And her favorite contact --
meredith, no last name.
I'll get my hat.
[ indistinct conversations ]
Meredith: Vanessa
was a force of nature.
She did
so much good work.
Vanessa was a part
of your group?
Yes.
We loved her very much.
Wait a minute.
How come there's
eight of you here?
Excuse me?
Mahjong is played
in groups of four,
But your friend
just got killed,
Which would leave you
a man down...
Which means
you knew...
She was not gonna
make it today,
Which means you knew
she was gonna get murdered.
[ gasps,
exhales sharply ]
Ladies?
No matter what vanessa
said to anybody,
It was her decision
to quit mahjong.
And why do you think
she'd go and do that, huh?
'cause she was loved
too much?
You're a very rude man.
Almond:
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
He's not the one
playing dominoes
and getting drunk
The day after
your friend was murdered.
We have nothing
more to say.
Backstrom:
Really? Why is that?
'cause the botox
has frozen your face so much?
Or are you really just
a pack of cold, soulless frauds
Who have squeezed out
every ounce of human decency
In order to fit
in those dresses,
And who care more
about society secrets
Than the death
of your b-f-f?
Get out!
[ women gasping ]
[ sighs ]
[ slurps ]
Arrest them all.
Give them nothing
but fatty foods and tap water.
They'll talk.
[ women murmuring ]
These mahjong women
sit together
On the boards
of non-profits,
Attend each other's charitable
fundraisers, et cetera.
And our victim,
vanessa taymor's, pet charity
Is the homeless.
"literacy, women's issues,
cancer, parks beautification."
Backstrom told you
to arrest all of them?
On what grounds?
And I quote...
"for being
rich bitches."
Don't worry.
I didn't arrest anyone.
Have we figured out
why vanessa taymor
Was ejected
from the group?
They refused to talk.
And they called their lawyers.
You should try the opposite
of backstrom -- to ask politely.
Ladies, here's the tea
I promised.
This is the peach-blossom
mint infusion
That was blessed by
a tibetan monk friend of mine.
[ chuckles ]
You were saying
about vanessa taymor?
The reason she left?
Vanessa quit playing mahjong
because of donald sampson.
The racist-video guy?
Alleged racist.
[ scoffs ]
Uh, the video
shows donald sampson
Repeatedly using
barbaric racial slurs
In reference
to both blacks and hispanics.
Sampson: You want to know
how to get rich?
Sell a load of crap...
To the scum of the earth.
And by "scum," I mean the...
Blacks, browns...
Yellow ones.
You name it.
It's the oldest trick
in the book.
That's terrible.
It's inexcusable.
I am led to understand,
though,
That the tape
may not be real,
Which is why I felt
that we should wait
Before rejecting
his charitable donations.
Vanessa taymor
felt that it would be wrong
To take donald sampson's money
for her homeless charity?
Oh, she felt it would be wrong
for all of us.
Caused quite a rift.
Personally, I say suck
every guilty dime you can
Out of the guy.
Detective,
we had a spat.
Vanessa quit mahjong...
Not worth murder.
[ elevator bell dings ]
People are saying
that an angry mistress
Posted the video.
It's got
eight million-plus views,
And the stock
in sampson's sports company
Is falling fast.
That's why
I prefer prostitutes --
You can trust 'em.
You know, it's an interesting
dilemma for charities --
Do you take dirty money
or not?
That is an interesting dilemma,
except for...
Of course
you take the money!
[ groans ]
Detectives,
mr. Taymor is awake.
There's no chance
it was an accident?
None.
You know anyone
that would do
Something like that
to your wife?
No. Vanessa was a wonderful,
kind, generous woman.
Everyone loved her.
Your wife was trying
to organize various charities
To reject donations
from donald sampson.
It was causing quite a fuss
in her social circle.
I've known don
since college.
He only cares about
the bottom line,
Not a society lady
refusing his money.
[ inhales sharply ]
[ coughs ]
They're giving me
a wonder drug...
[ exhales, sniffs ]
...Or sugar water.
To tell you the truth,
I don't care
with vanessa gone.
Well, listen,
do you think
Your wife maybe was having
an affair with sampson
And then released the video
when everything went south?
No. No, my wife
would never cheat on me.
Well, you have been sick
for a long time.
Lieutenant.
Well...
Do you want to look at
your dream board
While I take some blood?
No. There's too many pictures
of vanessa.
What's this?
Someone force a bunch of kids
to make this for you?
Nurse:
Mr. Taymor made it.
[ camera shutter clicking ]
Focusing mental energy
on positive images
Can create
health miracles.
Wow.
More money than god,
And all you get
is experimental medicine
And a crappy
art project.
That's got to sting.
Please, just find
who killed my vanessa.
Think of it
as a deathbed wish.
Hey. Feast your eyes
on this yellow purse --
Céline phantom,
pebbled leather, divine.
The victim's husband
bought it for her
On their 15th
anniversary.
She never left home
without it.
That's his problem.
No, but it wasn't recovered
at the scene
Or in her car
or her home.
So, you're saying
the killer dumped the contents
And stole the purse?
I would kill
for that purse.
Looks like
some other crazy woman
Already beat you to it.
Get warrants for
all of our friends' homes --
The mahjong monsters!
I'm going
purse-shopping!
What's this,
arts-and-crafts day?
This is a dream board.
Focusing
my mental energy
On the amazing things
I want in my life
Can create
health miracles.
I want dr. Deb to know
How desperate I am
to get better.
[ chuckles ]
well, all right.
Did you find
that ugly purse?
No. Me and detective almond --
we went through four mansions.
You know, I had no idea
people could be so rich.
That's exactly
how they like it.
[ chuckling ]
yeah.
Uh, I don't know if pictures
of cigars and liquor bottles
Are gonna convey
the right message, lieutenant.
What am I supposed to put
on my dream board?
"rich people" stuff --
nice cars, pet giraffes,
Courtside
trail blazers seats,
Beyoncé, stuff like that.
Niedermayer:
Lieutenant --
It's a dream board.
I'm not finished.
"to vanessa, fifteen years gone,
a hundred to go.
Love, tad."
We found this in the home
of cristin kelly.
Ah, the "ugly yellow purse"
killer.
My...Wife...
Has a...Problem.
Yeah.
Killing her friends.
[ grunts ]
She's been diagnosed
with kleptomania,
A-a mental disorder
for which there is no cure.
Well, the good thing
about jail
Is that will cut down
on her stealing considerably.
In addition to
a sworn statement
From cristin's
psychiatrist,
I have receipts from hundreds
of stores we've reimbursed
For stolen merchandise,
Establishing
a clear pattern of theft.
This stolen purse
And the tragic death
of our dear friend vanessa
Are purely coincidental,
And you, sir, have no evidence
to prove otherwise.
I rest my case.
I don't know what law school
your daddy bought
In order
to get you a degree,
But you need to stop talking
right now.
I'm you.
I'm a moronic lawyer's
aging trophy wife,
And the only way
I get self-esteem
Is by being the charity
cancer queen of portland.
Then vanessa
comes along.
She's prettier,
she's richer,
And luckily for her,
Her husband
is actually dying of cancer.
She's gonna take my place
as the queen of cancer.
So I run her over
and over...
No. No.
...And over and over.
No, that is not
what happened.
You killed her,
And you ripped this
out of her cold, dead hands
And took it home
as a trophy.
[ sighs ]
yes. I was there.
Being somewhere
is not a crime.
Vanessa and I were reviewing
the hotel facilities
For an upcoming
cancer event.
[ sighs ]
Vanessa self-parks.
It's her thing.
I went out front,
but my driver was not there.
Your driver?
I heard -- I heard screeches,
and I saw a car,
A-a white luxury coupe,
drive away.
Oh, my...
When I found vanessa,
she was already dead, and...
It was
very upsetting!
And stress
is what makes me steal,
So I took the bag.
But I left everything
that was important --
The phone and the wallet
and everything.
Your crap lawyer
should have advised us
That you didn't have access
to a car,
Considering your being accused
of committing a hit-and-run.
Gah!
[ door slams ]
I'm a tax lawyer.
[ siren wailing ]
Niedermayer:
Lieutenant?
Ah.
Oh, no.
Here we go. What?
I have a rendering of the
white luxury hit-and-run vehicle
As described by cristin
to the bureau's sketch artist.
Yeah, very lifelike.
Is this what
you're bothering me about?
No. I'm bothering you
on doctor's orders.
Oh, come on!
No one asked you
to make a fire-escape call.
I came
to give you this.
What is it?
That's a pedometer,
sir.
It measures how many steps
you take in a day.
Helpful not only
for physical fitness,
But to help you sleep,
As I will not be replenishing
your prescription.
You know what?
I could arrest you
for talking about my problems
Outside of your office.
But you won't
come to my office.
Well, maybe if you let me
smoke there, I would.
My struggle
is to keep you alive.
Luckily, this pedometer
will send me updates
Without your help.
If you take
less than 10,000 steps,
I yank
your fitness certificate.
None of this matters
Because I am making
a dream board,
Which can cause miracles.
That's wonderful.
Yeah.
But visualization techniques
work best
With an un-addled soul.
Bring it to my office,
and we'll discuss it.
Okay, niedermayer...
What?
...I need you to make me
a dream board.
It's this collage
of all --
I'm aware
of the concept, sir,
But you can't build
somebody else's dream board.
Why not?
Because dreams
are an expression
Of subconscious desires,
And if I build
your board,
It'll be expressing
my subconscious
And I guarantee you
That dr. Deb
would know the difference.
I knew
it was a scam.
Almond: Hey.
Oh, what now?
For days ago,
before she was murdered,
Our victim had a very loud,
very public argument
With the director
of the downtown mission.
Yeah, but I guarantee
our homeless-lover
Doesn't drive
any fancy, white car.
Maybe not,
but he's a former junkie,
A former armed robber,
and a former car thief.
The mission is close.
You could walk
And get a jump
on those 10,000 steps.
You could jump off
this fire escape.
But I guess we'll both
have to live disappointed.
[ grunts ]
Come on. Coming through.
Stand back.
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
Sloppy joes.
Now?
You wouldn't stop
for pizza.
Backstrom:
Hold on.
[ sighs ]
Excuse me.
Man:
What's going on?!
Man #2:
Hey! Hey, come on!
[ muffled ]
not bad.
Hey!
One per person.
One per
homeless person.
The rules
are for everyone.
Put it back!
It's half-eaten...
But I guess
you're used to that.
You cut in line.
Easy.
You're pushing it.
Oh, I'm gonna push it.
Are you?
Yeah.
[ chuckles ]
Yes.
Vanessa and I argued.
And I'm bummed
that was our last interaction.
She was
a great human being.
What did you
argue about?
[ sighs ]
donald sampson.
The racist.
Sampson...
Is to be presented with
Our "mission angel
of the year" award...
In return
for a $50,000 donation.
Vanessa taymor
wanted to pull that award.
Yep.
But I'm a practical man.
The trophy cost 10 bucks.
In return,
we get $50,000.
Backstrom:
That's all right!
[ clattering ]
[ indistinct shouting ]
Jim: Go ahead.
Stand up.
I dare you.
All right, back up!
Jim, calm down!
Calm down!
Whoa.
Backstrom,
you all right?
I'm okay.
I'm a cop.
I have a gun.
I pay taxes.
I have a job.
I have a job.
Collecting cans
is not a job.
I work
for mr. Donald sampson.
What?
What do you do for him?
Mr. Sampson pays me
50 bucks
To feed quarters
into his parking meter.
Outside the shelter?
No. Near the hotel
vivienne.
When was the last time
you did that?
Yesterday.
That doesn't make sense.
Why spend 50 bucks
to avoid a $15 ticket?
So there's no record
of him ever being there.
He's having an affair
with our victim.
I knew it.
To the bat cave,
robin.
Wait a minute.
Robin rides shotgun like you do.
If anyone's batman here,
it's me.
And shouldn't you
be walking?
Good point.
Hey, sloppy joe,
here's five bucks.
[ grunts ]
Walk to the police station
for me.
To the bat cave,
alfred.
Nadia:
Donald sampson
Checked in twice a week
under a fake name
And paid cash.
And you found
that out how?
The lieutenant had a fistfight
with a homeless man
Over sloppy joes.
I don't think backstrom
got in a punch.
He was like a turtle
lying on its back.
Hey, the room at the vivienne
matches the room
In sampson's
disgraceful video.
Vanessa leaks it,
sampson kills her.
A fundraising crusader
and a racist corporate pig
Make a really
weird couple.
Actually, they've known
each other for a very long time
'cause in the early '90s,
Vanessa's husband, tad,
Beat sampson
to win something
Called the --
the ncaa championship.
Is that a big deal?
[ chuckling ]
pretty big deal, yeah.
Gravely:
So, sampson never forgets
And sees
an opportunity for revenge
By sleeping with
taymor's wife.
Well, women have needs,
and her husband is sick
and unable to fill her.
That is exactly
what the lieutenant said
To the sick husband.
Oh, how thoughtful
of him.
So then she finds out
what a monster he is
and leaks this video.
Almond: And to stop her
from leaking any other secrets,
Runs her over
in a fancy, white coupe.
Is this enough
for us to get a warrant
To search the cars
for damage?
It's not even enough
evidence
To call him
on the telephone.
We really need an excuse
to look at those vehicles.
"jingle
for jungle gyms."
It's a fundraiser that gets
playground equipment
For inner-city kids.
It's happening
at the sampson house tonight.
Nadia: Of course.
If you're gonna have a public
event on your property,
Then there's no reasonable
expectation for privacy.
Good job, moto.
We can search
for evidence
And take photos and samples,
and it's all admissible.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
$10,000 a table?
I'm gonna call the chief.
The city's
bound to have tickets.
Yeah, and I'm gonna call
the lieutenant
And tell him to pull out
his formal poncho.
[ almond laughs ]
Valentine:
What's up?
[ bottle cap clatters ]
It's a charity
fundraiser?
Yes.
Tonight?
Four hours from now.
I'm supposed to look like
a rich bastard.
Mm.
And it's black-tie?
Yes.
[ sighs ]
And you actually care about
the dress code because why?
It's a municipal
who's-who.
I might run into
somebody important.
Oh...
Amy?
Huh?
[ sighs ]
[ gasps ]
You are really gonna need
my help.
[ sighs ]
Will you or won't you?
I will if I can be
your rich-bastard date.
Sure.
[ crickets chirping ]
[ indistinct conversations ]
Gravely:
Oh, wow!
Up until now,
The fanciest thing
I'd ever been to
Was a hungarian wedding.
I don't think
we should drink.
Mmm.
We're undercover.
And this
is not the cheap stuff.
There we go.
For you, madam.
[ glasses clink ]
It looks like the footprint
of the house
Matches what we were able
to access from public records.
Mm-hmm, sampson keeps
his car collection
In a 20-car garage
On the southern side
of the property.
My god.
You -- you are beautiful.
Damn, paquet.
You fit in good.
[ chuckles ]
Hey.
Okay.
Good to see you.
[ both chuckle ]
Niedermayer:
Looking sharp.
Looking good.
[ chuckling ]
you clean up.
You are stunning.
Has anybody seen
the lieutenant?
♪ turn down for what?
Gravely:
Is that backstrom?
♪ turn down for what?
Can't be.
♪ turn down for what?
♪ hey, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
hey, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ turn down for what?
♪ hey, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, god.
Yep. That's backstrom,
all right.
[ chuckles ]
♪ hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey ♪
[ mid-tempo jazz music playing ]
[ laughter ]
They're about to start
the speeches,
And that's when we need to
snoop the hit-and-run car.
Lieutenant backstrom?
Backstrom:
Oh, god.
This is unexpected.
[ chuckles nervously ]
Chief cervantes gave the
special crimes unit her table.
Oh, the chief
didn't want to be seen
Hobnobbing
with sampson, huh?
You'll notice the mayor
isn't here, either.
In fact,
nobody good is here.
Punch her in her botox.
I hate her.
[ music and conversations
continue ]
What do you got?
The garage
has two doors.
One's down the hall,
past the kitchen.
That's the one that most likely
will be unlocked.
Yeah, and there are
security guards,
But they're
mostly concerned
With steering people
towards the potta-porties --
Very gauche.
Porta-potties.
[ groans ]
Backstrom:
Hey, niedermayer.
Hey. Hey.
What's going on?
Nothing.
We're just dancing.
Niedermayer, will you stop
fiddling with valentine?
Get moto, go to the garage,
and find that car.
[ music continues ]
No. This is the garage door,
but it's locked.
Maybe it's just stuck.
[ chuckles ]
No. People this rich
don't have sticky doors.
All right,
I'm gonna kick it in.
No.
What? The murder vehicle
might be behind this door.
If you kick this door in,
Everything behind it
is inadmissible.
That's what
the lieutenant would do.
[ scoffs ]
well, exactly.
[ sighs ]
[ doorknob rattles ]
May I?
All right,
so, the doors are locked.
Okay, and what about
the outsientrance?
It's too well-lit.
We can get a warrant
if we can see in the windows.
There are no windows.
Hi.
[ clears throat ]
Uh, no, not a chance,
twinky-boy.
It's "twink," frenchy.
Looking for me?
[ chuckles ]
This is literally the last place
I would expect to find you.
I'm working on a case.
You?
Well, someone from the city
had to be here,
And I like the cause.
Plus, I have experience
with insufferable blowhards.
Ha ha.
Do you want to dance?
I have to take 10,000 steps,
or my dr. Deb will ground me.
[ laughs ]
Long story.
Yes. Please.
[ tango music playing ]
Admit it.
I look amazing.
Ah, traditionally,
you tell me how good I look
Before fishing
for compliments.
Oh,
that's how it works.
[ snaps fingers ]
[ snaps fingers ]
[ laughs ]
I'm a better dancer
than you remember.
Isn't that true?
I remember
you being pretty good.
Oh!
So, why are you
really here?
Are you following me?
Pbht.
You flatter yourself.
I'm actually undercover.
Yeah...
Go ahead and say it...
Very james bond.
A chain-smoking,
martini-swigging,
Promiscuous sociopath?
Yeah, I've outgrown
that type.
[ chuckles ]
You look amazing.
And...
I should have said
that first.
Thank you.
[ sighs ]
Everett...
Amy!
I smell champagne
and scotch,
So I'm guessing there's probably
vodka going on there, as well.
I'm working undercover.
My dad
was an alcoholic.
I know.
He wrestled with it
his whole life.
Before he died...
He gave me this.
Oh.
He quit drinking
and started gambling?
It's a 30-day chip
from alcoholics anonymous.
My inheritance.
You carry it around
with you?
Everywhere...Always...
Until now.
I want you to have it...
Until you earn
your own.
So, that's the deal?
I quit drinking,
join a.A....
And we give this
another try?
I'm not making any kind
of a deal here, everett.
If I did something
to give you the impression
I wanted to try again,
I apologize,
because I don't.
We both know
that's not true.
I just wanted
to be friends...
But I guess
that isn't gonna happen.
Almond: Uh-oh.
He's walked to the bar.
Double vodka
on the rocks --
Hold the rocks,
double the vodka.
Gravely:
There's donald sampson!
Heavenly father,
we beseech you.
Please don't let backstrom
speak to sampson.
Women.
Am I right?
You're not gay?
Why?
'cause I shaved?
[ chuckles ]
I just saw you come in
with that stunning creature.
Him?
Ah, he's just my gay tenant.
The woman that I love --
she --
[ sighs ]
Never mind.
You a rich guy?
You got rich-guy hair.
I'm donald sampson.
[ laughs ]
Talk about
woman problems.
Hoo-hoo!
Excuse me?
Well, that post-coital video
that got leaked.
[ chuckles ]
[ inhales sharply ]
Enjoy the rest
of your evening.
You know what I'd do?
I'd kill the bitch
that leaked the video,
Then run her over with my car --
maybe a couple of times.
Bartender, another drink
for my clever friend.
Bartender:
Yes, sir.
Another one, please.
Uh-oh.
[ sighs ]
Double vodka, no ice,
double the vodka?
What's wrong?
You okay?
Yeah.
I'm fine.
Highlight of my evening
Was donald sampson
thinking that we were a couple.
He called you
a "stunning creature."
Yeah, well, now,
that sounds like an invitation.
No, not in the way
That would lead him
to buy you fancy things.
Why don't you let me
be the judge of that?
Okay, yeah.
Good luck with that.
All right.
[ eleni mandell's
"anyone like you" plays ]
♪ there won't be anyone like you
in my life again ♪
♪ someone who always
tells the truth ♪
♪ lies would suffice instead
♪ and who am I
supposed to call ♪
♪ to tell me what to do?
♪ you say
I shouldn't care at all ♪
♪ when I'm feeling blue
[ clears throat ]
That was fast.
You were right.
He's rendezvousing
with a woman.
I think his wife?
I doubt that.
Let's go.
I-I wanted to hurt you
For threatening
to go back to your wife,
Not ruin you.
I hate myself
for leaking that video.
I swear.
You are the most expensive fling
I have ever had.
Well, I judged him
too harshly.
He's certainly
not sleeping with his wife.
Or the murder victim.
Sampson didn't kill her.
Are you sure?
[ grunts ]
She didn't leak
the video...
Which means maybe a rich person
didn't do the murder,
Which means maybe we've
been looking for the wrong car.
Niedermayer,
is it possible the sketch
Could have been
of a poor person's white car?
It's very possible.
In fact, as the science
of aerodynamics
Has gotten
more and more refined,
There's less and less
differentiation --
Oh, no!
I'm not drunk enough
for your garbage.
I'm going home.
Everything about this event
disgusts me.
You all right,
lieutenant?
Let moto
give you a ride.
No! Got to walk
10,000 steps.
Hup, hup, hup.
[ door opens ]
[ exhales sharply ]
What --
[ groans ]
Mm, mm, mm, mm.
[ groans ]
Hey.
You can cheer up.
You got quite
the workout last night.
[ chuckles ]
Ohh.
That's disgusting.
[ electronic voice ]
work. Work. Work.
Work. Work.
What?
You were right.
That's the least stupid thing
I've ever heard you say.
We found three white cars
that match the police sketches,
But only one of them has traces
of blood on the tires.
So, who's the car
belong to?
Well, that's the thing.
It's a...Flashcar,
Which is a drop-off/pickup
rental service.
So, trace the account.
The renter's the killer.
Okay, almond is running
the v.I.N., and alas...
Whoa, ho. Don't say "alas"
to the lieutenant
First thing
in the morning
If you want to make it
to the afternoon.
Almond: Hey.
[ grunts ]
The rental account
belongs to the victim.
Wait. So, she was run over
by her own...Rental car?
Paquet thinks that the flashcar
is noa dead end.
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
Come on. Quiet.
Some of us are trying
to have a hangover.
All that's needed
to create an account
Is a credit-card number
and its billing address.
So, here's a list
Of people vanessa gave
this credit card to --
Mostly from her charities,
People making purchases
on her behalf.
The killer
is on the list.
It's someone who had access
to her information.
Okay, here's
what we need to do --
Go back to basics.
What did vanessa taymor do
to deserve getting run over?
Excuse me?
Oh, amy rejected him,
so now he hates all women.
Ohh.
We're assuming
that the victim
Was this kind, lovable,
wonderful person.
Well,
most women really aren't.
Oh, good god.
Her life
had only two aspects --
Her charity work
and her husband.
We've already gone over
the charity work.
You think
the husband did it?
He's dying.
And he loves her.
Love is a myth
Invented by teenagers
and the diamond industry.
Is anyone on that credit-card
list linked to the husband?
Okay, well, his nutritionist
used it for vitamins,
His private chef...
Oh, yes --
and his driver for gasoline.
Oh.
"oh"? What, "oh"?
Well, there were
five separate donations
For $20,000 each
to cancer solutions, but --
Wait -- cancer solutions
isn't a charity.
It's an llc.
And dr. Bai
is the sole proprietor.
You see how right it feels
when everything pulls together?
[ elevator bell dings ]
Vanessa taymor was bribing you
to make sure
Her husband got the drugs
instead of the placebo.
You got nervous
someone would find out,
So you ran her over
with a car.
That money
wasn't a bribe.
No?
I'm a researcher.
Grants are extremely hard
to get.
Vanessa wanted to help.
I hope you're a better doctor
than you are a liar.
Mr. Taymor isn't receiving
the experimental drug.
He's in
the control group.
Interesting.
Wait.
Where are you going?
Lieutenant!
Mr. Taymor, where's
your nurse clicker thing?
Nurse!
[ beeping ]
what's going on?
I'm gonna get you
some jello.
Nurse!
You need something?
Yeah.
I'll have a drink
of whatever he's having.
Go ahead.
Do it.
Your world
is very dark.
You call it dark.
I call it woefully predictable.
So, if this is the placebo,
I should be fine, right?
What if
it isn't?
He'll have a seizure,
perhaps go blind.
Maybe you should
think about this for a second.
[ gasps ]
Oh! [ gasps ]
[ laughs ]
Ahhhhh. Mm!
I knew
I was getting the placebo.
[ coughs ]
We're gonna need
a bigger dream board.
Ah.
Dream board.
New and improved.
Much less wife.
Those images
were too painful.
It defeats the purpose.
Interesting fact
about dream boards --
They reflect
the subconscious desires
Of the people
that make them.
But rich people
don't have subconscious desires
To live in mansions,
'cause they actually do.
And they actually drive
fancy cars,
And they actually
go on exotic vacations.
You didn't make this.
She did.
Brittany helped.
So what?
This is her dream board,
not yours.
The subconscious
never lies.
Is nursie on paquet's list
Of those who had access
to the credit card?
Yes.
She did it.
She rented the car.
Check her computer.
Do I have your permission
to search this computer?
No, you do not.
Now you have
administrative privileges.
Thank you.
A lot of people
can get at this computer.
It's in
a very public place.
I'm you.
A burned-out nurse,
Tired of 12-hour shifts,
changing bedpans.
"and then I meet
a filthy-rich guy --
"or, at least, he will be
once his wife is out of the way.
And he's gonna need
someone to lean on."
[ monitor beeping ]
"and that someone
could be me.
"I could comfort him,
get him to depend on me,
"fall in love with me,
marry me.
"and the best thing is,
He's got a shelf life
of, what, a year?"
"then it's all mine."
[ car alarm chirps,
gearshift clicks ]
[ tires squeal ]
[ glass breaks ]
aah!
Gravely: I got it.
A flashcar account
was created on this computer
The day before the murder.
Brittany gottman logged in
at 2:05 a.M.
At 2:15, a confirmation e-mail
was sent from flashcar,
And at 2:20, she logged out.
You are
a very naughty nurse.
You're done.
You can get dressed now.
Your liver tells me
you haven't quit drinking,
Your pallor tells me
you aren't sleeping,
And I have seen
with my very own eyes
That you haven't stopped
smoking.
When you finally fall
of a heart attack or stroke
Or whatever inevitable malady
takes you,
They will turn to me
and say,
"how could you find him
fit to work?"
Oh.
So it's about you.
The worst part
about your world view
Is that it's contagious.
Those of us around you
Begin to see ourselves
as yosee us.
You think I'm a terrible doctor,
I become a terrible doctor.
No, not so terrible.
I got 10,000 steps, right?
My feet are killing me.
It's merely a machine
that counts
What the machine part of you
is achieving.
There's a machine part
of me?
It measures activity.
You like activity
Because it allows you
to avoid reflection.
It is reflection which leads us
to our true best selves,
Not activity.
So, the pedometer
is stopping me
From reaching
my true best self.
Perhaps another doctor
would have better luck.
I don't want
another doctor.
You joined a program?
I didn't want
to come see you
Until I could prove
beyond a shadow of a doubt
That you had, in fact, helped me
become my true best self.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Good for you.
Thank you, dr. Chaman.
Good for you.
Okay.
Good for both of us.
You must wear
the pedometer.
I will check on it
daily
To see how many steps
you have taken.
Fantastic.
'cause you know what they say
in the program --
"one step at a time."
"one day at a time."
That's what I said.
[ scoffs ]
Learn to speak english sometime,
you freak.
[ door slams ]
---
[ knock on door ]
At last.
Lieutenant backstrom
is coming?
I, too, would like
to go home at night.
Look, I was driving backstrom
here for his appointment,
And then he got a very important
phone call, all right?
But he insisted I come here
and tell you in person, so...
What kind
of important call?
A summons from the
head of the civilian
oversight committee.
[ sighs ]
thank you for coming.
I'm not gonna say no
to a booty call.
First thing I said on
the phone is, "this
is noa booty call."
And yet we're headed
towards your bedroom.
Because that is where
the possum is.
Uh-huh. Okay.
Yeah. You know what?
I'm not hearing anything.
Maybe he went away
on his own?
You know,
if you're lonely,
You don't need to
make up stories
About rabid possums
in your bedroom.
Let's discuss
our delusions
After you get rid of
the possum.
Let's do this.
Backstrom: Ah!
[ possum squeaks ]
Uh, okay,
you weren't kidding!
[ possum chitters ]
You've got a, uh...
Wild animal probably pooping
ebola on your bed.
Oh, god.
Here's $18.
Go stay at a hotel.
Where? In 1952?
[ electronic voice ]
text. Text. Text.
Oh, shoot.
Duty calls.
I need you
to get me a ride.
How did you get here?
Valentine.
But he took off.
Why?
'cause he knew
this was a booty call.
[ sighs ]
[ indistinct conversations ]
[ police radio chatter ]
Man: One floor upstairs.
I'll get him.
Backstrom:
There you go.
Evening, lieutenant.
Why'd you take a cab?
'cause that's what
grown people do
When they need to
get somewhere.
The victim
is vanessa taymor, age 44.
Blunt-force trauma
Consistent with being struck
and run over by an automobile.
What, that spaceship?
No. That vehicle
was registered to the victim.
Oh, right, 'cause that
battery-operated vanity toy
Probably couldn't go
fast enough to kill someone.
This is vanessa taymor.
Vanessa taymor,
the former venture capitalist.
She made a bajillion dollars
before she retired?
She's married
to tad taymor.
Tad taymor?
[ chuckling ]
tad taymor?
Stop saying
"tad taymor."
Famous former
tennis player.
So, the victim
is rich.
That's why we're here.
A rich person
gets hit-and-runned,
The big guns
get called in.
Is that it?
Bertolt brecht says,
"corpses sour you.
They are bad
for objectivity."
Niedermayer...
Seriously.
This overlapping pattern
of forward and backward,
Centrifugally formed impressions
suggests otherwise.
I --
But the driver
struck vanessa taymor here.
She hopped up onto the hood,
cracked the windshield,
And she landed here.
And then the driver
then slams on his brakes,
Causing these skid marks,
jams it in reverse,
Burning rubber here,
backing over the victim
While she lay prone
on the ground,
And then slamming
on his brakes again here --
Phew! -- And then floors it
into forward,
Hitting the victim
for a third time
Before continuing out
on the exit.
I mean, at least,
that's the way I see it.
I'm officially
declaring this
"a hit, another hit...
Another hit...
And run."
Thank you.
Thank you.
That's good, right?
[ groans ]
Oh, you got to
really hate someone
To run over 'em
that many times.
Obviously,
the husband did it,
Somebody with balls
big enough
To pretend that tennis
is a real sport
And rich enough
to think
That he could drive away
with murder.
Putting him in jail with
the bottom one percent --
Oh, that's
gonna be fun.
[ birds chirping ]
[ electronic voice ]
work. Work. Work. Work. Work.
[ cellphone vibrating ]
[ sighs ]
work. Work. Work.
Work.
It's about time
you called.
You got the husband
in custody?
Gravely: Yes.
He's in the hospital,
but the doctor says
he can't talk to us.
Just pick me up
on the way.
The doctor says...
The rich bastard
can't hide
Behind a note
from his doctor, okay?
And get me a coffee.
I made it clear that mr. Taymor
is unable to speak right now.
Oh, did he pay you off
to say that?
Mr. Taymor is sedated.
We'll call you when he wakes.
Oh, what happened?
Did he split open his nose
on the steering wheel
When he ran over
his wife?
Mr. Taymor
has stage-4 lung cancer.
As a participant in a blind
experimental treatment protocol,
He hasn't left the hospital
in six weeks.
Excuse me.
Terminal cancer.
Wow.
Talk about overdoing it
with the alibi.
Dr. Deb:
Lieutenant backstrom.
Oh. Hey.
Gravely,
this is my doctor, deb.
Back in his home country
of tandooristan,
He is the sultan
of surgery,
But here he just works
for the police union.
I'm here visiting a patient
who needed surgery,
Just like I'll visit you
when you're here
For your quadruple bypass.
Okay.
You've missed
three appointments.
Do you have
a good reason?
Yes, I do.
It's not...
Terminal cancer,
But it...
It's a pretty good reason.
Miss one more appointment,
and I will have to withdraw
Your provisional
fitness certification.
Nice to meet you,
detective gravely,
And you have
my deepest sympathies.
And I feel your pain...
Dr. Chaman.
"dr. Chaman"?
"deb" is
his first name?
Nadia:
I was able to access
The victim's
contact and digital calendar.
Huh. Hotel events manager
corroborates
That she was there
checking out facilities.
She has a curious
appointment today.
Niedermayer:
At 2:00 p.M., m.J. At m's?
Mm-hmm,
and that same appointment
Recurs every Thursday,
So I went online
to check for clues
On what "m.J." stands for,
and guess what?
Almond: Hmm?
Marijuana.
Mm.
So, "m's" her dealer?
And there's also
michael jackson, moose jaw,
Monster jam, mechanical joint,
and megajoules.
So, she has
weekly energy meetings?
In moose jaw?
[ chuckles ]
You guys
are mocking me.
Okay, so, what do you think
it stands for,
You -- you
smarty-pants boys?
Mahjong.
Rich ladies play mahjong
in the afternoon.
"m" is her friend
who hosts.
How do you know
about mahjong?
My mom
used to make me
Go to after-school programs
when I was kid
Funded by rich ladies,
And every now and then,
I had to put on a suit and tie
And go by
and say "thank you"?.
During mahjong?
Oh, yeah.
They love it.
Aha. And her favorite contact --
meredith, no last name.
I'll get my hat.
[ indistinct conversations ]
Meredith: Vanessa
was a force of nature.
She did
so much good work.
Vanessa was a part
of your group?
Yes.
We loved her very much.
Wait a minute.
How come there's
eight of you here?
Excuse me?
Mahjong is played
in groups of four,
But your friend
just got killed,
Which would leave you
a man down...
Which means
you knew...
She was not gonna
make it today,
Which means you knew
she was gonna get murdered.
[ gasps,
exhales sharply ]
Ladies?
No matter what vanessa
said to anybody,
It was her decision
to quit mahjong.
And why do you think
she'd go and do that, huh?
'cause she was loved
too much?
You're a very rude man.
Almond:
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
He's not the one
playing dominoes
and getting drunk
The day after
your friend was murdered.
We have nothing
more to say.
Backstrom:
Really? Why is that?
'cause the botox
has frozen your face so much?
Or are you really just
a pack of cold, soulless frauds
Who have squeezed out
every ounce of human decency
In order to fit
in those dresses,
And who care more
about society secrets
Than the death
of your b-f-f?
Get out!
[ women gasping ]
[ sighs ]
[ slurps ]
Arrest them all.
Give them nothing
but fatty foods and tap water.
They'll talk.
[ women murmuring ]
These mahjong women
sit together
On the boards
of non-profits,
Attend each other's charitable
fundraisers, et cetera.
And our victim,
vanessa taymor's, pet charity
Is the homeless.
"literacy, women's issues,
cancer, parks beautification."
Backstrom told you
to arrest all of them?
On what grounds?
And I quote...
"for being
rich bitches."
Don't worry.
I didn't arrest anyone.
Have we figured out
why vanessa taymor
Was ejected
from the group?
They refused to talk.
And they called their lawyers.
You should try the opposite
of backstrom -- to ask politely.
Ladies, here's the tea
I promised.
This is the peach-blossom
mint infusion
That was blessed by
a tibetan monk friend of mine.
[ chuckles ]
You were saying
about vanessa taymor?
The reason she left?
Vanessa quit playing mahjong
because of donald sampson.
The racist-video guy?
Alleged racist.
[ scoffs ]
Uh, the video
shows donald sampson
Repeatedly using
barbaric racial slurs
In reference
to both blacks and hispanics.
Sampson: You want to know
how to get rich?
Sell a load of crap...
To the scum of the earth.
And by "scum," I mean the...
Blacks, browns...
Yellow ones.
You name it.
It's the oldest trick
in the book.
That's terrible.
It's inexcusable.
I am led to understand,
though,
That the tape
may not be real,
Which is why I felt
that we should wait
Before rejecting
his charitable donations.
Vanessa taymor
felt that it would be wrong
To take donald sampson's money
for her homeless charity?
Oh, she felt it would be wrong
for all of us.
Caused quite a rift.
Personally, I say suck
every guilty dime you can
Out of the guy.
Detective,
we had a spat.
Vanessa quit mahjong...
Not worth murder.
[ elevator bell dings ]
People are saying
that an angry mistress
Posted the video.
It's got
eight million-plus views,
And the stock
in sampson's sports company
Is falling fast.
That's why
I prefer prostitutes --
You can trust 'em.
You know, it's an interesting
dilemma for charities --
Do you take dirty money
or not?
That is an interesting dilemma,
except for...
Of course
you take the money!
[ groans ]
Detectives,
mr. Taymor is awake.
There's no chance
it was an accident?
None.
You know anyone
that would do
Something like that
to your wife?
No. Vanessa was a wonderful,
kind, generous woman.
Everyone loved her.
Your wife was trying
to organize various charities
To reject donations
from donald sampson.
It was causing quite a fuss
in her social circle.
I've known don
since college.
He only cares about
the bottom line,
Not a society lady
refusing his money.
[ inhales sharply ]
[ coughs ]
They're giving me
a wonder drug...
[ exhales, sniffs ]
...Or sugar water.
To tell you the truth,
I don't care
with vanessa gone.
Well, listen,
do you think
Your wife maybe was having
an affair with sampson
And then released the video
when everything went south?
No. No, my wife
would never cheat on me.
Well, you have been sick
for a long time.
Lieutenant.
Well...
Do you want to look at
your dream board
While I take some blood?
No. There's too many pictures
of vanessa.
What's this?
Someone force a bunch of kids
to make this for you?
Nurse:
Mr. Taymor made it.
[ camera shutter clicking ]
Focusing mental energy
on positive images
Can create
health miracles.
Wow.
More money than god,
And all you get
is experimental medicine
And a crappy
art project.
That's got to sting.
Please, just find
who killed my vanessa.
Think of it
as a deathbed wish.
Hey. Feast your eyes
on this yellow purse --
Céline phantom,
pebbled leather, divine.
The victim's husband
bought it for her
On their 15th
anniversary.
She never left home
without it.
That's his problem.
No, but it wasn't recovered
at the scene
Or in her car
or her home.
So, you're saying
the killer dumped the contents
And stole the purse?
I would kill
for that purse.
Looks like
some other crazy woman
Already beat you to it.
Get warrants for
all of our friends' homes --
The mahjong monsters!
I'm going
purse-shopping!
What's this,
arts-and-crafts day?
This is a dream board.
Focusing
my mental energy
On the amazing things
I want in my life
Can create
health miracles.
I want dr. Deb to know
How desperate I am
to get better.
[ chuckles ]
well, all right.
Did you find
that ugly purse?
No. Me and detective almond --
we went through four mansions.
You know, I had no idea
people could be so rich.
That's exactly
how they like it.
[ chuckling ]
yeah.
Uh, I don't know if pictures
of cigars and liquor bottles
Are gonna convey
the right message, lieutenant.
What am I supposed to put
on my dream board?
"rich people" stuff --
nice cars, pet giraffes,
Courtside
trail blazers seats,
Beyoncé, stuff like that.
Niedermayer:
Lieutenant --
It's a dream board.
I'm not finished.
"to vanessa, fifteen years gone,
a hundred to go.
Love, tad."
We found this in the home
of cristin kelly.
Ah, the "ugly yellow purse"
killer.
My...Wife...
Has a...Problem.
Yeah.
Killing her friends.
[ grunts ]
She's been diagnosed
with kleptomania,
A-a mental disorder
for which there is no cure.
Well, the good thing
about jail
Is that will cut down
on her stealing considerably.
In addition to
a sworn statement
From cristin's
psychiatrist,
I have receipts from hundreds
of stores we've reimbursed
For stolen merchandise,
Establishing
a clear pattern of theft.
This stolen purse
And the tragic death
of our dear friend vanessa
Are purely coincidental,
And you, sir, have no evidence
to prove otherwise.
I rest my case.
I don't know what law school
your daddy bought
In order
to get you a degree,
But you need to stop talking
right now.
I'm you.
I'm a moronic lawyer's
aging trophy wife,
And the only way
I get self-esteem
Is by being the charity
cancer queen of portland.
Then vanessa
comes along.
She's prettier,
she's richer,
And luckily for her,
Her husband
is actually dying of cancer.
She's gonna take my place
as the queen of cancer.
So I run her over
and over...
No. No.
...And over and over.
No, that is not
what happened.
You killed her,
And you ripped this
out of her cold, dead hands
And took it home
as a trophy.
[ sighs ]
yes. I was there.
Being somewhere
is not a crime.
Vanessa and I were reviewing
the hotel facilities
For an upcoming
cancer event.
[ sighs ]
Vanessa self-parks.
It's her thing.
I went out front,
but my driver was not there.
Your driver?
I heard -- I heard screeches,
and I saw a car,
A-a white luxury coupe,
drive away.
Oh, my...
When I found vanessa,
she was already dead, and...
It was
very upsetting!
And stress
is what makes me steal,
So I took the bag.
But I left everything
that was important --
The phone and the wallet
and everything.
Your crap lawyer
should have advised us
That you didn't have access
to a car,
Considering your being accused
of committing a hit-and-run.
Gah!
[ door slams ]
I'm a tax lawyer.
[ siren wailing ]
Niedermayer:
Lieutenant?
Ah.
Oh, no.
Here we go. What?
I have a rendering of the
white luxury hit-and-run vehicle
As described by cristin
to the bureau's sketch artist.
Yeah, very lifelike.
Is this what
you're bothering me about?
No. I'm bothering you
on doctor's orders.
Oh, come on!
No one asked you
to make a fire-escape call.
I came
to give you this.
What is it?
That's a pedometer,
sir.
It measures how many steps
you take in a day.
Helpful not only
for physical fitness,
But to help you sleep,
As I will not be replenishing
your prescription.
You know what?
I could arrest you
for talking about my problems
Outside of your office.
But you won't
come to my office.
Well, maybe if you let me
smoke there, I would.
My struggle
is to keep you alive.
Luckily, this pedometer
will send me updates
Without your help.
If you take
less than 10,000 steps,
I yank
your fitness certificate.
None of this matters
Because I am making
a dream board,
Which can cause miracles.
That's wonderful.
Yeah.
But visualization techniques
work best
With an un-addled soul.
Bring it to my office,
and we'll discuss it.
Okay, niedermayer...
What?
...I need you to make me
a dream board.
It's this collage
of all --
I'm aware
of the concept, sir,
But you can't build
somebody else's dream board.
Why not?
Because dreams
are an expression
Of subconscious desires,
And if I build
your board,
It'll be expressing
my subconscious
And I guarantee you
That dr. Deb
would know the difference.
I knew
it was a scam.
Almond: Hey.
Oh, what now?
For days ago,
before she was murdered,
Our victim had a very loud,
very public argument
With the director
of the downtown mission.
Yeah, but I guarantee
our homeless-lover
Doesn't drive
any fancy, white car.
Maybe not,
but he's a former junkie,
A former armed robber,
and a former car thief.
The mission is close.
You could walk
And get a jump
on those 10,000 steps.
You could jump off
this fire escape.
But I guess we'll both
have to live disappointed.
[ grunts ]
Come on. Coming through.
Stand back.
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
Sloppy joes.
Now?
You wouldn't stop
for pizza.
Backstrom:
Hold on.
[ sighs ]
Excuse me.
Man:
What's going on?!
Man #2:
Hey! Hey, come on!
[ muffled ]
not bad.
Hey!
One per person.
One per
homeless person.
The rules
are for everyone.
Put it back!
It's half-eaten...
But I guess
you're used to that.
You cut in line.
Easy.
You're pushing it.
Oh, I'm gonna push it.
Are you?
Yeah.
[ chuckles ]
Yes.
Vanessa and I argued.
And I'm bummed
that was our last interaction.
She was
a great human being.
What did you
argue about?
[ sighs ]
donald sampson.
The racist.
Sampson...
Is to be presented with
Our "mission angel
of the year" award...
In return
for a $50,000 donation.
Vanessa taymor
wanted to pull that award.
Yep.
But I'm a practical man.
The trophy cost 10 bucks.
In return,
we get $50,000.
Backstrom:
That's all right!
[ clattering ]
[ indistinct shouting ]
Jim: Go ahead.
Stand up.
I dare you.
All right, back up!
Jim, calm down!
Calm down!
Whoa.
Backstrom,
you all right?
I'm okay.
I'm a cop.
I have a gun.
I pay taxes.
I have a job.
I have a job.
Collecting cans
is not a job.
I work
for mr. Donald sampson.
What?
What do you do for him?
Mr. Sampson pays me
50 bucks
To feed quarters
into his parking meter.
Outside the shelter?
No. Near the hotel
vivienne.
When was the last time
you did that?
Yesterday.
That doesn't make sense.
Why spend 50 bucks
to avoid a $15 ticket?
So there's no record
of him ever being there.
He's having an affair
with our victim.
I knew it.
To the bat cave,
robin.
Wait a minute.
Robin rides shotgun like you do.
If anyone's batman here,
it's me.
And shouldn't you
be walking?
Good point.
Hey, sloppy joe,
here's five bucks.
[ grunts ]
Walk to the police station
for me.
To the bat cave,
alfred.
Nadia:
Donald sampson
Checked in twice a week
under a fake name
And paid cash.
And you found
that out how?
The lieutenant had a fistfight
with a homeless man
Over sloppy joes.
I don't think backstrom
got in a punch.
He was like a turtle
lying on its back.
Hey, the room at the vivienne
matches the room
In sampson's
disgraceful video.
Vanessa leaks it,
sampson kills her.
A fundraising crusader
and a racist corporate pig
Make a really
weird couple.
Actually, they've known
each other for a very long time
'cause in the early '90s,
Vanessa's husband, tad,
Beat sampson
to win something
Called the --
the ncaa championship.
Is that a big deal?
[ chuckling ]
pretty big deal, yeah.
Gravely:
So, sampson never forgets
And sees
an opportunity for revenge
By sleeping with
taymor's wife.
Well, women have needs,
and her husband is sick
and unable to fill her.
That is exactly
what the lieutenant said
To the sick husband.
Oh, how thoughtful
of him.
So then she finds out
what a monster he is
and leaks this video.
Almond: And to stop her
from leaking any other secrets,
Runs her over
in a fancy, white coupe.
Is this enough
for us to get a warrant
To search the cars
for damage?
It's not even enough
evidence
To call him
on the telephone.
We really need an excuse
to look at those vehicles.
"jingle
for jungle gyms."
It's a fundraiser that gets
playground equipment
For inner-city kids.
It's happening
at the sampson house tonight.
Nadia: Of course.
If you're gonna have a public
event on your property,
Then there's no reasonable
expectation for privacy.
Good job, moto.
We can search
for evidence
And take photos and samples,
and it's all admissible.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
$10,000 a table?
I'm gonna call the chief.
The city's
bound to have tickets.
Yeah, and I'm gonna call
the lieutenant
And tell him to pull out
his formal poncho.
[ almond laughs ]
Valentine:
What's up?
[ bottle cap clatters ]
It's a charity
fundraiser?
Yes.
Tonight?
Four hours from now.
I'm supposed to look like
a rich bastard.
Mm.
And it's black-tie?
Yes.
[ sighs ]
And you actually care about
the dress code because why?
It's a municipal
who's-who.
I might run into
somebody important.
Oh...
Amy?
Huh?
[ sighs ]
[ gasps ]
You are really gonna need
my help.
[ sighs ]
Will you or won't you?
I will if I can be
your rich-bastard date.
Sure.
[ crickets chirping ]
[ indistinct conversations ]
Gravely:
Oh, wow!
Up until now,
The fanciest thing
I'd ever been to
Was a hungarian wedding.
I don't think
we should drink.
Mmm.
We're undercover.
And this
is not the cheap stuff.
There we go.
For you, madam.
[ glasses clink ]
It looks like the footprint
of the house
Matches what we were able
to access from public records.
Mm-hmm, sampson keeps
his car collection
In a 20-car garage
On the southern side
of the property.
My god.
You -- you are beautiful.
Damn, paquet.
You fit in good.
[ chuckles ]
Hey.
Okay.
Good to see you.
[ both chuckle ]
Niedermayer:
Looking sharp.
Looking good.
[ chuckling ]
you clean up.
You are stunning.
Has anybody seen
the lieutenant?
♪ turn down for what?
Gravely:
Is that backstrom?
♪ turn down for what?
Can't be.
♪ turn down for what?
♪ hey, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
hey, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ turn down for what?
♪ hey, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, god.
Yep. That's backstrom,
all right.
[ chuckles ]
♪ hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey ♪
[ mid-tempo jazz music playing ]
[ laughter ]
They're about to start
the speeches,
And that's when we need to
snoop the hit-and-run car.
Lieutenant backstrom?
Backstrom:
Oh, god.
This is unexpected.
[ chuckles nervously ]
Chief cervantes gave the
special crimes unit her table.
Oh, the chief
didn't want to be seen
Hobnobbing
with sampson, huh?
You'll notice the mayor
isn't here, either.
In fact,
nobody good is here.
Punch her in her botox.
I hate her.
[ music and conversations
continue ]
What do you got?
The garage
has two doors.
One's down the hall,
past the kitchen.
That's the one that most likely
will be unlocked.
Yeah, and there are
security guards,
But they're
mostly concerned
With steering people
towards the potta-porties --
Very gauche.
Porta-potties.
[ groans ]
Backstrom:
Hey, niedermayer.
Hey. Hey.
What's going on?
Nothing.
We're just dancing.
Niedermayer, will you stop
fiddling with valentine?
Get moto, go to the garage,
and find that car.
[ music continues ]
No. This is the garage door,
but it's locked.
Maybe it's just stuck.
[ chuckles ]
No. People this rich
don't have sticky doors.
All right,
I'm gonna kick it in.
No.
What? The murder vehicle
might be behind this door.
If you kick this door in,
Everything behind it
is inadmissible.
That's what
the lieutenant would do.
[ scoffs ]
well, exactly.
[ sighs ]
[ doorknob rattles ]
May I?
All right,
so, the doors are locked.
Okay, and what about
the outsientrance?
It's too well-lit.
We can get a warrant
if we can see in the windows.
There are no windows.
Hi.
[ clears throat ]
Uh, no, not a chance,
twinky-boy.
It's "twink," frenchy.
Looking for me?
[ chuckles ]
This is literally the last place
I would expect to find you.
I'm working on a case.
You?
Well, someone from the city
had to be here,
And I like the cause.
Plus, I have experience
with insufferable blowhards.
Ha ha.
Do you want to dance?
I have to take 10,000 steps,
or my dr. Deb will ground me.
[ laughs ]
Long story.
Yes. Please.
[ tango music playing ]
Admit it.
I look amazing.
Ah, traditionally,
you tell me how good I look
Before fishing
for compliments.
Oh,
that's how it works.
[ snaps fingers ]
[ snaps fingers ]
[ laughs ]
I'm a better dancer
than you remember.
Isn't that true?
I remember
you being pretty good.
Oh!
So, why are you
really here?
Are you following me?
Pbht.
You flatter yourself.
I'm actually undercover.
Yeah...
Go ahead and say it...
Very james bond.
A chain-smoking,
martini-swigging,
Promiscuous sociopath?
Yeah, I've outgrown
that type.
[ chuckles ]
You look amazing.
And...
I should have said
that first.
Thank you.
[ sighs ]
Everett...
Amy!
I smell champagne
and scotch,
So I'm guessing there's probably
vodka going on there, as well.
I'm working undercover.
My dad
was an alcoholic.
I know.
He wrestled with it
his whole life.
Before he died...
He gave me this.
Oh.
He quit drinking
and started gambling?
It's a 30-day chip
from alcoholics anonymous.
My inheritance.
You carry it around
with you?
Everywhere...Always...
Until now.
I want you to have it...
Until you earn
your own.
So, that's the deal?
I quit drinking,
join a.A....
And we give this
another try?
I'm not making any kind
of a deal here, everett.
If I did something
to give you the impression
I wanted to try again,
I apologize,
because I don't.
We both know
that's not true.
I just wanted
to be friends...
But I guess
that isn't gonna happen.
Almond: Uh-oh.
He's walked to the bar.
Double vodka
on the rocks --
Hold the rocks,
double the vodka.
Gravely:
There's donald sampson!
Heavenly father,
we beseech you.
Please don't let backstrom
speak to sampson.
Women.
Am I right?
You're not gay?
Why?
'cause I shaved?
[ chuckles ]
I just saw you come in
with that stunning creature.
Him?
Ah, he's just my gay tenant.
The woman that I love --
she --
[ sighs ]
Never mind.
You a rich guy?
You got rich-guy hair.
I'm donald sampson.
[ laughs ]
Talk about
woman problems.
Hoo-hoo!
Excuse me?
Well, that post-coital video
that got leaked.
[ chuckles ]
[ inhales sharply ]
Enjoy the rest
of your evening.
You know what I'd do?
I'd kill the bitch
that leaked the video,
Then run her over with my car --
maybe a couple of times.
Bartender, another drink
for my clever friend.
Bartender:
Yes, sir.
Another one, please.
Uh-oh.
[ sighs ]
Double vodka, no ice,
double the vodka?
What's wrong?
You okay?
Yeah.
I'm fine.
Highlight of my evening
Was donald sampson
thinking that we were a couple.
He called you
a "stunning creature."
Yeah, well, now,
that sounds like an invitation.
No, not in the way
That would lead him
to buy you fancy things.
Why don't you let me
be the judge of that?
Okay, yeah.
Good luck with that.
All right.
[ eleni mandell's
"anyone like you" plays ]
♪ there won't be anyone like you
in my life again ♪
♪ someone who always
tells the truth ♪
♪ lies would suffice instead
♪ and who am I
supposed to call ♪
♪ to tell me what to do?
♪ you say
I shouldn't care at all ♪
♪ when I'm feeling blue
[ clears throat ]
That was fast.
You were right.
He's rendezvousing
with a woman.
I think his wife?
I doubt that.
Let's go.
I-I wanted to hurt you
For threatening
to go back to your wife,
Not ruin you.
I hate myself
for leaking that video.
I swear.
You are the most expensive fling
I have ever had.
Well, I judged him
too harshly.
He's certainly
not sleeping with his wife.
Or the murder victim.
Sampson didn't kill her.
Are you sure?
[ grunts ]
She didn't leak
the video...
Which means maybe a rich person
didn't do the murder,
Which means maybe we've
been looking for the wrong car.
Niedermayer,
is it possible the sketch
Could have been
of a poor person's white car?
It's very possible.
In fact, as the science
of aerodynamics
Has gotten
more and more refined,
There's less and less
differentiation --
Oh, no!
I'm not drunk enough
for your garbage.
I'm going home.
Everything about this event
disgusts me.
You all right,
lieutenant?
Let moto
give you a ride.
No! Got to walk
10,000 steps.
Hup, hup, hup.
[ door opens ]
[ exhales sharply ]
What --
[ groans ]
Mm, mm, mm, mm.
[ groans ]
Hey.
You can cheer up.
You got quite
the workout last night.
[ chuckles ]
Ohh.
That's disgusting.
[ electronic voice ]
work. Work. Work.
Work. Work.
What?
You were right.
That's the least stupid thing
I've ever heard you say.
We found three white cars
that match the police sketches,
But only one of them has traces
of blood on the tires.
So, who's the car
belong to?
Well, that's the thing.
It's a...Flashcar,
Which is a drop-off/pickup
rental service.
So, trace the account.
The renter's the killer.
Okay, almond is running
the v.I.N., and alas...
Whoa, ho. Don't say "alas"
to the lieutenant
First thing
in the morning
If you want to make it
to the afternoon.
Almond: Hey.
[ grunts ]
The rental account
belongs to the victim.
Wait. So, she was run over
by her own...Rental car?
Paquet thinks that the flashcar
is noa dead end.
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
Come on. Quiet.
Some of us are trying
to have a hangover.
All that's needed
to create an account
Is a credit-card number
and its billing address.
So, here's a list
Of people vanessa gave
this credit card to --
Mostly from her charities,
People making purchases
on her behalf.
The killer
is on the list.
It's someone who had access
to her information.
Okay, here's
what we need to do --
Go back to basics.
What did vanessa taymor do
to deserve getting run over?
Excuse me?
Oh, amy rejected him,
so now he hates all women.
Ohh.
We're assuming
that the victim
Was this kind, lovable,
wonderful person.
Well,
most women really aren't.
Oh, good god.
Her life
had only two aspects --
Her charity work
and her husband.
We've already gone over
the charity work.
You think
the husband did it?
He's dying.
And he loves her.
Love is a myth
Invented by teenagers
and the diamond industry.
Is anyone on that credit-card
list linked to the husband?
Okay, well, his nutritionist
used it for vitamins,
His private chef...
Oh, yes --
and his driver for gasoline.
Oh.
"oh"? What, "oh"?
Well, there were
five separate donations
For $20,000 each
to cancer solutions, but --
Wait -- cancer solutions
isn't a charity.
It's an llc.
And dr. Bai
is the sole proprietor.
You see how right it feels
when everything pulls together?
[ elevator bell dings ]
Vanessa taymor was bribing you
to make sure
Her husband got the drugs
instead of the placebo.
You got nervous
someone would find out,
So you ran her over
with a car.
That money
wasn't a bribe.
No?
I'm a researcher.
Grants are extremely hard
to get.
Vanessa wanted to help.
I hope you're a better doctor
than you are a liar.
Mr. Taymor isn't receiving
the experimental drug.
He's in
the control group.
Interesting.
Wait.
Where are you going?
Lieutenant!
Mr. Taymor, where's
your nurse clicker thing?
Nurse!
[ beeping ]
what's going on?
I'm gonna get you
some jello.
Nurse!
You need something?
Yeah.
I'll have a drink
of whatever he's having.
Go ahead.
Do it.
Your world
is very dark.
You call it dark.
I call it woefully predictable.
So, if this is the placebo,
I should be fine, right?
What if
it isn't?
He'll have a seizure,
perhaps go blind.
Maybe you should
think about this for a second.
[ gasps ]
Oh! [ gasps ]
[ laughs ]
Ahhhhh. Mm!
I knew
I was getting the placebo.
[ coughs ]
We're gonna need
a bigger dream board.
Ah.
Dream board.
New and improved.
Much less wife.
Those images
were too painful.
It defeats the purpose.
Interesting fact
about dream boards --
They reflect
the subconscious desires
Of the people
that make them.
But rich people
don't have subconscious desires
To live in mansions,
'cause they actually do.
And they actually drive
fancy cars,
And they actually
go on exotic vacations.
You didn't make this.
She did.
Brittany helped.
So what?
This is her dream board,
not yours.
The subconscious
never lies.
Is nursie on paquet's list
Of those who had access
to the credit card?
Yes.
She did it.
She rented the car.
Check her computer.
Do I have your permission
to search this computer?
No, you do not.
Now you have
administrative privileges.
Thank you.
A lot of people
can get at this computer.
It's in
a very public place.
I'm you.
A burned-out nurse,
Tired of 12-hour shifts,
changing bedpans.
"and then I meet
a filthy-rich guy --
"or, at least, he will be
once his wife is out of the way.
And he's gonna need
someone to lean on."
[ monitor beeping ]
"and that someone
could be me.
"I could comfort him,
get him to depend on me,
"fall in love with me,
marry me.
"and the best thing is,
He's got a shelf life
of, what, a year?"
"then it's all mine."
[ car alarm chirps,
gearshift clicks ]
[ tires squeal ]
[ glass breaks ]
aah!
Gravely: I got it.
A flashcar account
was created on this computer
The day before the murder.
Brittany gottman logged in
at 2:05 a.M.
At 2:15, a confirmation e-mail
was sent from flashcar,
And at 2:20, she logged out.
You are
a very naughty nurse.
You're done.
You can get dressed now.
Your liver tells me
you haven't quit drinking,
Your pallor tells me
you aren't sleeping,
And I have seen
with my very own eyes
That you haven't stopped
smoking.
When you finally fall
of a heart attack or stroke
Or whatever inevitable malady
takes you,
They will turn to me
and say,
"how could you find him
fit to work?"
Oh.
So it's about you.
The worst part
about your world view
Is that it's contagious.
Those of us around you
Begin to see ourselves
as yosee us.
You think I'm a terrible doctor,
I become a terrible doctor.
No, not so terrible.
I got 10,000 steps, right?
My feet are killing me.
It's merely a machine
that counts
What the machine part of you
is achieving.
There's a machine part
of me?
It measures activity.
You like activity
Because it allows you
to avoid reflection.
It is reflection which leads us
to our true best selves,
Not activity.
So, the pedometer
is stopping me
From reaching
my true best self.
Perhaps another doctor
would have better luck.
I don't want
another doctor.
You joined a program?
I didn't want
to come see you
Until I could prove
beyond a shadow of a doubt
That you had, in fact, helped me
become my true best self.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Good for you.
Thank you, dr. Chaman.
Good for you.
Okay.
Good for both of us.
You must wear
the pedometer.
I will check on it
daily
To see how many steps
you have taken.
Fantastic.
'cause you know what they say
in the program --
"one step at a time."
"one day at a time."
That's what I said.
[ scoffs ]
Learn to speak english sometime,
you freak.
[ door slams ]