Baby Daddy (2012–2017): Season 1, Episode 3 - The Nurse and the Curse - full transcript

Okay, Emma,

first doctor's visit.

But have no fear,
because daddy's here.

It's all pretty basic.

Paper covered table.

Which is good because
you never know

where the last
baby has been.

Oh, look.

Here's where they keep
all the free stuff.

Tucker?

What?



Hey, don't knock
the system, okay?

Why do you think
we always have

toilet paper
and napkins. Right?

You're gonna
get us kicked out

before the doctor even--

Oh! Tongue depressors.

Or as I like to call them,

- kickass drum sticks.
- Yup.

Emma Wheeler?

And her backup band,

big finish!

Hi, I'm Emma's dad.

Formally known
as just "Ben."

And I'm Tucker.



We are not together.

Why do you keep
telling people that?

Dude, it's New York.

People assume.

Nobody assumes.

I assumed.

We're not together.

I'm Ben Wheeler,

Emma's straight
and very single father.

That's good to know,

Emma's very single father.

Oh.

♪ It's amazing how
the unexpected ♪

♪ can take your life
and change directions. ♪

So, let's take a look

at our little patient here.

She really is adorable.

Thanks, I made her myself.

I like to think that she got

all of my good parts.

Well, not all of--

So, why don't you sit up

on this table here.

Okay.

I'm sorry, I didn't
get your name. Doctor...?

Cassie.
I'm a nurse practitioner.

Oh, well then we've
got a lot in common

because I'm practicing
to be a dad.

That is not
what it means, Ben.

Oh, she likes you.

I guess what
they say is true.

What's true?

Pretty girls like
to hang out together.

Oh.

Okay, well, there are
quite a few items

you didn't answer
on the intake form.

Oh, yeah. Some of those
questions were a little tricky.

Date of birth?

Whoa.

Straight to the tough ones.

Yeah.

What else you got?

Um...

Mother's history?

Checkered.

Let's just say it's
a very complicated story.

She split after
a one-night stand

and left the baby
on the doormat.

It's not really
all that complicated.

Thanks, Tucker.

Look, the point is

I've only got one girl
in my life right now.

So, please just
make sure she stays

as perfect and healthy
as she seems.

Mmm.

Well, she's already got
one thing going for her.

She's got you.

Uh, what's this?

My phone number.

Give me a call sometime,

very single Ben.

The doctor will be right in.

Oh, yes!
I just got hit on

by a hot baby nurse.

We make a good team.

Yes, we do.

Now shove these
down your pants.

I'm so excited.

I can't believe
I'm finally gonna get

to see you play
in a pro game

after all these years.

Whereas I have
never missed one.

Really wish you could have
come up to Calgary.

There every week.

Well, I know it was
a little traumatic for you,

but I for one am very
glad you got traded.

Traumatic?

No, players get traded

for all kinds of reasons.

I don't care
what that reporter said.

What reporter?

Oh.

The one who said
the only thing worse

than your skating is--

- Aah.
- All kinds of reasons.

I'm gonna go
get something to eat.

Can we please
go over the list now?

Everything's got
to be perfect.

And it will be, honey.

Mom's got it covered.

You've got my
extra long laces

from Gordon's?
My mouth guard

- still in the package?
- I'm on it.

And you're gonna
press my socks?

The iron is already on.

Oh, my God.
Did I leave the iron on?

Wow!

I can't believe you're
still so superstitious.

Do you remember
that rank jersey

you used to wear
in high school--

Ooh.

Oh, my God.
That's the one.

I never washed it.

Never will.

That is the scent
of victory.

Well, victory smells like

the inside of a dumpster.

A hot, sweaty dumpster

that helps my baby win.

Give me that.

I still wear it
under my uniform

for every game.

It's tight, but
it's definitely

my good luck charm.

He was wearing this
when he won

his first championship.

He was only 14.

Oh, dear lord.
My eyes are watering.

That bird was
already dead, right?

- Yes!
- No!

Laundry.

If it's drool,
spit-up,

or doodie-related,

it's your responsibility.

Knock, knock?

Hey.

I was, uh,
just having dinner

around the corner,
and I thought I would see

if Ben needed any help
getting Emma to bed.

Oh, don't you mean
see if Ben needed any help

getting himself to bed?

Oh, you're hilarious.

- Ow, ow, ow, ow!
- Where is he?

He's on a date

with Emma's nurse.

Apparently,
Emma's not the only one

who passed her physical.

Isn't that
a conflict of interest?

Only yours.

Oh, come on.

You gotta get over Ben.

Please,

I am completely over him.

Ben, hi.

Hey, Riley.

Great news,

my date with Cassie
was amazing.

Wow.

That is great news.

She's smart, pretty,

taught me how to
take my own pulse,

and Emma loves her.

Ben, Emma loves everyone.

She's like a puppy.

Oh!

Did you miss your Auntie Riley--

Come on, Emma,
let's go finish

"The Little Red
Riding Hood."

My money's on the wolf.

Tucker's got laundry again?

Yup.

Sweet.

It's weird,

I've never gone out with
a girl like Cassie before.

She's educated,

she's a professional,

she's...

A grown-up.

What?

Let's just say

that maybe
you're not exactly

the best judge of character.

You can get
a little distracted

by other things.

Like boobs.

Okay, that's not--

okay, maybe
it's a little true.

Which is why I need you.

You do?

Just have lunch with Cassie

and tell me what you think.

You can be totally honest.

Okay, I'd rather not.

I mean after
you go out with her.

Please? I think
this is the kind of girl

that I should be dating
now that I have Emma.

Fine.

I'll do it.

Thank you.

You're such a great friend.

I hate that word.

Oh, hey, Tuck,
I've got a blankie

in here that might
require a Hazmat suit.

Oh.

Oh, Emma.

How could someone so small

smell so bad?

Your cheeseburger,

and your 24 fries.

I said 23.

The number has to be
the same as my jersey.

Thanks, bro.

Ben.

- Hi.
- Hey.

Everything you said
about Riley was true.

We had such
a great time together.

Can we please
do this again soon?

Oh, it's a date.

Oh! Okay.
Gotta go.

- Talk to you later.
- Okay.

So, what'd you think?

Well, you were right.

She's really special.

Yes! I knew it.

And by special, I mean

I hate that girl.

She is so going down.

Hey, I need another one.

Morning!

I brought um--

did somebody bake muffins?

Did you make them?

Then who did?

Hi, Riles.

I hope everything is okay.

I kind of had to improvise.

I gotta get to work,

but I'll see everyone
at Danny's game

- later, right?
- Most definitely.

I miss you already.

Aww.

And here comes my omelet.

I can't believe I know

a real professional
hockey player.

Ooh. Are those
donuts?

I love donuts.

I'd live on them
if they weren't so...

Fattening.

I'm guessing she didn't
just stop by

on her way into the office?

Well, now that she has

the Riley stamp of approval.

I just met

the most lovely girl

in the hallway.

Oh.

Really, Riley?

Hi, Ma.

I gotta finish
getting ready for work.

Are those my socks?

Oh, no, honey.
These are mine.

Didn't I tell you?
I just got drafted

by the rangers.
Yes, these are your socks.

Don't do that to me,

I'm nervous enough.

Wait, why do I
have no ketchup

on my eggs?

I always have
ketchup on my eggs

on game day.

This could have
been a disaster.

Aah.

Aah, what?

Oh, yeah.
What was that?

What was what?

Nothing, honey.
Just keep

building up your strength.

It looked like a rag to me.

Tucker, nobody knows

anything about anything.

Do you understand?

- Not really.
- Oh, is that Ben?

He's calling you
to come help with Emma.

"Hey, Tucker!"
He's coming!

I don't hear anything.

Just go.

Hey-- hey, Danny!

What do you say
we get out of here?

You know, clear your head

before the big game.

Good idea.
I'll watch Emma.

Go. Now.
Why are you still here?

Huh?
I'm still eating.

And that is the great thing

about bread.

Makes everything a sandwich.

Yay. Yummy.

All right, I will
see you tonight

at the arena,
and there is nothing

to worry about here.

Not a thing.
So bye-bye, now.

Bye-bye.

Go on, bye-bye.

- You sure...
- No, no, bye-bye, now!

Bye! Bye!

Okay, wait.

I think I got it.

Do you?

Do you got

that you just ended
Danny's career

because you destroyed

his lucky jersey?!

No, I didn't get that part.

Oh!

She's such a phony.

I mean, nobody is that nice.

Oh, I made breakfast.

I cooked everything myself.

Who does that?

You agree with me, right?

Agree's kind of
a strong word.

Danny, please.

She is so manipulative.

I know what Cassie is doing.

Trying to have
a relationship

with my brother?

Exactly.

And how is that
any different

from what you're
trying to do?

It's different because...

She's better at it.

Okay, I admit it.

Maybe I'm a little jealous,

but I just can't stop
thinking about him.

It's like ever since
he came back into my life,

all of these old feelings
from high school

just came bubbling back up.

Only this time I think

maybe he'll notice me now.

You know, I'm not
Ri-gantor anymore.

I'm not the fat girl
that used to sit on his head.

I just keep imagining

he's finally gonna
walk up to me and say--

stay out of
the ladies' room.

Somebody just puked.

Not quite the same ring

as "I've always
loved you."

Trust me.

It's his loss.

I'm sure one of these days

you'll find someone
even bigger.

I mean, better.

Thanks.

I know you're right.

It's just--

it's really hard
to listen to someone

that you like
talk about someone else.

I get it.

Believe me.

I get it.

How hard can it be?

You know, I'll--
I'll buy a jersey,

I'll tie it to my bumper,

I'll drive it around town,

and wrap it in dead meat,

and then I'll just
shove it in a plastic bag

and drop it off at the arena.
He'll never know.

I think we're actually good.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Check this out.

He'll never know, right?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, it's perfect.

He hasn't taken
that many pucks to the head.

He'll know!

You have to protect me.

No.

No, what I have to do
is mom-up.

I'm going to go talk
to my son.

I'm gonna tell him
to grow up,

and hopefully, I'll stop him

from shredding you

like you did
his lucky jersey.

I'll wait here.

Yeah, I'm sure.

It's okay, I'm his mother.

Oh, Danny.

- We need to talk.
- Where have you been?

It's all right.

Nothing I haven't
seen before.

Except maybe that.

Hi, Bonnie Wheeler...

Mom!

Right.

Listen.

- Listen, honey.
- My laces,

my mouth guard,

wait.

Where's my lucky jersey?

Yeah, about that.

Um...

Sweetie, do you--

do you remember
when you were little

and your rabbit,

Mr. Hopson,

went to go live
in the country?

Yeah.

Well,

the same thing
kind of happened

to your jersey.

My jersey's on a farm
in Pennsylvania?

No.

Danny, your jersey

has gone to the
great laundry basket in the sky.

It bit the dust
in the washer.

It's sleeping with the lint.

It's ruined, destroyed,

nothing left!

You lost my jersey?

Close enough.

But, honey, listen to me.

It is going to be okay.

No. No.

No, no, it's not
going to be okay!

I can't go out there.

I've never gone
out there without it.

Quick, cut my
Achilles tendon.

Listen, listen.
Just pull yourself together!

Honey, listen to me.

It's just a jersey.

It's not lucky.

Okay?

None of this stuff
is lucky, okay?

You don't need these laces!

Okay? You don't
need this mouth guard.

Okay, maybe you need
that mouth guard,

but it's not
because it's lucky.

It's because I paid
a lot of money

for those teeth.

Now, look at me.

You are an amazing,

talented athlete.

All right, you're
Danny Wheeler.

You are the best damn player
on this team!

Just trying to make
a point here, people.

So don't let some old shirt

determine your greatness.

Listen.

You get out there,

and you make
your mother proud.

Thanks, Mom.

Yeah.

- Mom!
- Yeah, I know, I know.

I know.

Whoo!

Whoo!
That's my boy.

Oh, look, Emma.
Can you see Uncle Danny?

Hi, Emma.

Let's go, Wheeler!

- Come on, Danny!
- Whoo!

Is it always this violent?

Only if you're lucky.

Isn't it great?

Oh, it's called hockey, ref!

Not cuddling!

Hey, thanks again
for being so nice

to Cassie.
It really means a lot

to me and Emma.

No problem.

Cross check?

What are you, blind?

He hit him first.

Come on!

Really, 'cause
it looked like

Danny just
whaled on--

I'll be quiet.

Where's Danny going?

Penalty Box.
I'm gonna go check on him.

- I'll be right back.
- Oh.

So.

How's it going so far?

We should talk.

Dude!
You're amazing!

What's gotten into you?

I don't know.

It's like I'm totally free

without that jersey.

Maybe it's because
I can move my arms.

Yeah!

It's pretty obvious

you're in love with Ben.

What?

No.

That is so...

What?

It's okay.

It's not like
I'm threatened,

I just--

I feel badly for you

because he's never
gonna see you

as anything other than...

Fatpants.

All right,
get back out there.

But maybe try to punch out
a few less people

and stay out
of the penalty box.

I don't think it's me

you need to worry about.

Ri-gantor!

Whoo!

Oh, my God.

What is wrong with me?

I try so hard,
but Ri-gantor

still comes roaring out.

Don't feel too bad.

Cassie's a nurse.

She knows how
to put on a neck brace.

I'm sure Ben hates me now.

He doesn't hate you.

Just talk to him.

I can't go in there.

I can't do it.

You gotta face that fear.

Look at me.

I faced mine tonight.

And won.

That puck bounced
off your helmet.

On purpose.

I'm just saying.

You gotta tell him the truth

about what happened
with Cassie

and then move on.

I wish it were that easy.

I'll see you guys
at your place.

Congratulations, Wheeler.

My brother's an idiot.

To my amazing son

and his game winning goal.

See, sweetie?

You never needed
that lucky jersey after all.

What a game, man.

Danny, you were amazing.

But, I think we owe

this little lady,
and me of course,

a big thank you.

Pull my finger.

My lucky jersey?

Now in a convenient
fun size.

I knew how important
it was to you.

Ooh, thank you, Tucker.

That was so, so, thoughtful.

So it was there all along.

This is the reason I won.

Or perhaps

it was my brilliant pep talk

that convinced you

to give up a decade
of silly superstitions

and finally learn
to believe in yourself.

No. It was Tucker.

Okay.

Emma, you're my new
good luck charm.

But, mom, you'll always
be my sock girl.

Oh, fine. As long as
I get to meet you

in the locker room
before every game.

Oh, and if that hottie
in the towel asks,

I'm your sister--
not your mother.

- Hey.
- Hey.

So, uh, here's something

I haven't said
to anyone since high school.

Sorry I put your girlfriend

in a headlock.

Apparently, still
your signature move.

How's Cassie?

We broke up.

Ben--
I'm sorry.

It was totally my fault.

If you want me
to go talk to her--

Not sure how helpful
that would be.

But, um...

She was obsessed
with this idea

that you have a crush on me.

What?

No.

That is so...

What?

It was probably my fault.

I talked about you a lot.

You mean, like telling her

my nickname was Fatpants?

Thanks for that.

No, I just

told her what
we were like as kids,

and how you grew
into this amazing,

independent woman.

And how I hope Emma grows up

to be just like you.

You did?

Yeah, I did.

So we're good?

All good.

I'm really glad
we're friends.

To friends.

Friends.

Oh, nope.
Still hate it.

All right, sports fans.
Let's talk hockey and Danny Wheeler.

Who made this first game of the ***
tonight a memorable one.

Let's take a look
at that winning goal.

Ooh!

- That was awesome.
- Yeah.

Whoo!

Of course, the
real highlight of the game

was that incredible fight
in the stands.

Riley! Oh, my--

Riley, that's you!
That's your face!

Danny, give me the remote!

Riley, that's you!
Ri-gantor!