BH90210 (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Picture's Up - full transcript

Previously on BH90210...

We start shooting in three days,

and this whole show is
on the brink of imploding

before we even film it.

I care about Jason Priestley.

- Wow.
- Wow.

This son of a bitch slept

with my wife
and got her pregnant!

It's not my fault
your wife wasn't being

satisfied at home!

I'm the new head writer.



We need to fix

the script.

It makes me want to draw

a warm bath and slit my wrists.

Why are you helping me?

I'm trying this new thing

where I don't make it
all about me.

This doesn't change

how I feel about you.

How could it not, Gab?

You say you're into women now,
and I'm not a woman.

I can't get involved
with a client.

How about I call Fox tomorrow
and have you reassigned?

You believe that



you don't measure up,
and I think you do.

I'm starting to have feelings

for Brian again.

- Zach, you're a stalker, you're a thief.
- I'm your son.

There's still a stalker
out there.

It's scary.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Back from a sold-out
world tour...

The one and only...

David Silver!

Thank you. Thank you.

It's nice being back here
at the Peach Pit After Dark.

Let's do this.

♪ Baby, it's you, girl ♪

♪ You got it together ♪

♪ Every time I look at you ♪

♪ All I see is forever... ♪

Fire! Oh, my God!
Fire!

- Ooh!
- David, save us!

Fire! Fire!

Quick!

You saved everyone.

David, you're amazing.

Thank you.

High drama on the set of 90210.

The original writer fired
and replaced by a new writer

with zero credits.

Rumor has it
she might be cozying up

to newly-single Ian Ziering.

The hottest reboot
in town got hotter

when a massive fire destroyed
most of the sets,

which has director
Jason Priestley

working day and night,
desperately trying

to figure out how to get
this show back on the road.

Oh.

Sources say the production is

millions of dollars over budget,

yet so far has failed
to shoot a single scene.

And, of course,
there are the usual reports

of diva-like behavior

from leading ladies
Jennie Garth...

and Shannen Doherty.

Perhaps the always-dependable
Gabrielle Carteris

will help them
weather the storm...

which will be sorely needed
with reports

of financially-troubled
Tori Spelling unraveling.

Tori's done so much reality,
I forgot she used to act.

Musso?

Do you guys feel nervous?

I mean, the fact that
we're actually shooting today?

Well, as long as someone
doesn't burn down the rest

- of our sets, we're good.
- Yeah, I'm nervous,

but I'm excited
to work with you guys.

- Good morning!
- Morning!

- Hey.
- I found this sweet little angel

wandering the lot
all by himself.

He could get hit by a truck.

- Isn't he sweet?
- Oh, yeah.

Cute little puddum.

I guess I'm rescuing
yet another dog,

'cause who could say "no"
to that face?

He's like a gremlin.

Hey.

- Oh, Shan?
- Yeah.

That's Musso.

- What is?
- That dog.

That's actually my dog... Musso.

I-I guess the kids let him out
of my trailer.

Are you sure?

- Yeah.
- This is your dog?

Yup.

Is he microchipped?

- Yes.
- Are you sure?

Yeah, definitely.
Will you give me the dog?

Give her the dog already.

Poor thing, you know?

Thanks, Shan.

You guys, I can't believe

- that we're really doing this.
- I know.

No turning back now, bitches.

Nope. The cameras are rolling.

Oh, I should have gotten
more Botox.

Remember when we used
to not be so self-conscious

about the way we looked?

- No.
- Mm.

I think at a certain point,

we should just sort of,
you know, embrace the fact

that we're aging,
'cause it's beautiful, kind of.

Please, speak for yourself.

At least you guys don't have
to do a sex scene.

I was self-conscious
about those when I was 20.

Right? They were always
a little awkward.

Thanks. That's helping.

Do you think
the guys get awkward?

- No, I think they like it.
- They did

seem to get a little excited
sometimes, right?

- Their acting would get a little stiff.
- A little wooden.

Just saying.

But it's embarrassing
for them, too, right?

I don't know.
Why don't you ask Brian

when you do your love scene
with him?

- See if he's got a stiffy.
- Ooh.

Or what if it happens?

I don't know what's worse...

If it does happen
or if it doesn't happen.

Why does my first scene up have
to be a love scene with Brian?

Who cares?
It's gonna be easy.

I mean, you have so much...
experience...

from the past with him...

in my house.

Oh, my God.
Always your house?

Come on, Tor. You guys
are married, you have kids.

It's not like
you're teenagers anymore.

Yeah, it's just Brian.

- Yeah, it's just Brian.
- It's just Brian.

Just Brian.

Hey, Brian?

Hey.

I am so sorry

that I've been radio silent
for the past couple days.

I needed some time
to process all this, you know?

Finding out who you were,
who you are.

- It's completely my fault.
- Not your fault.

I don't know if there's a right
way to do all this, you know?

I hope not.

Hey, the good news is,
I've got a son.

- Uh, yeah.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I guess so,
if-if you're cool with that.

Of course I'm cool with that.

Is Shay pissed?

I didn't tell her yet.

Y-You don't want to tell her?

No, no, no,
I totally want to tell her.

I just want to... I want to
make sure it's the right time.

Okay. Yeah.

So given the circumstances,

you being my assistant...

It's... it's a little weird now.

Yeah. I... I kind of
saw this coming.

I was thinking maybe
instead of that,

you could work here at the show.

For real? Yeah.
Yeah, that would be amazing.

Like, doing what?

Like, a PA kind of thing?

- Okay.
- I think

I can pull some strings
around the zip code.

All right. Sign me up.

Greens are pretty fast today.

Ooh!

How is golf on
this early in the morning?

It's the Golf Channel.

Oh.

Well, why don't I give you

something more interesting
to watch than golf?

- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

You're not even supposed to be
in here. You know that, right?

Thought you were getting
reassigned.

They're having a hard time
finding a replacement.

- Why?
- All the other guys are scared of you.

Well, I guess
you're stuck with me then.

That's okay,
because I've decided

to wave
my no-dating-a-client policy.

Mm.

- Mm.
- Yeah?

You know, I was thinking,
maybe tonight,

we could drive over
to Sherman Oaks.

Oh.

Play a little game of Putt-Putt.

Oh.

That sounds great. Hmm.

At least no one'll see us.

I hope my rewrite works.

I mean, they change their mind
every five minutes,

what sets they're rebuilding.

Well, that's nothing new.

Are you nervous?

Nervous? Heck, no.

Playing Steve Sanders
is like falling off a bike.

Look, Anna,
your rewrite is great.

- You worked hard on it. Own it.
- Yeah, I worked

hard on it the first time, too,
and I got smacked down.

We all get smacked down,
but you honored the struggle

and brought the work
that excellence requires.

Jeez, Ian, you're starting
to sound like a life coach.

You deserve
to celebrate the success

and share in the joy.

I'll try and keep that in mind.

No, you won't.

But I'll keep reminding you.

We should Netflix and chill
sometime?

Totally.

Need you on set.

They need all the actors
on the Peach Pit set.

I got to go.

Me, too.

Then he made it naked. - Ugh.
Bad, right?

Clear the set!

Everybody except actors!

- Clear the set, please.
- What's up?

Clear the set?
What's going on?

What's going on is

that no one will insure
this production

as long as there's an active
threat out there.

We don't need insurance.

Yes, we do.
This is one of the only sets

that didn't burn down
in the fire.

Who's the insurance company?
Let's give them a call.

You guys are delusional.

On a good day, it's helpful.

Maybe, but today's a bad day.

- We're getting shut down. Oh.
- No!

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, what?

I just told Jason.

He took it pretty well.

Unbelievable.

Yet it's so easy to believe.

And on top of everything else,
we have an HR investigation.

- Oh, that sucks.
- You can't say that.

- That bites.
- You can't say that.

- It blows?
- Nothing with a mouth.

What they want to know is if

this deranged loon
is a disgruntled employee.

It's 2019.

Zero intolerance toward
any inappropriate behavior.

- I miss the '90s.
- Me, too.

- Me, too.
- I'm good.

So, be on your best behavior

and pray these investigators
come up with something.

Well, we can't keep
getting shut down.

- How do we continue to film?
- I don't know.

Go find the lunatic.

Let's find a lunatic.

Oh, I found a lunatic.

We have professionals on this.

Oh, yeah, 'cause they've been
doing such a great job.

Okay, well, if you can do
better, Scooby Doo, have at it.

But until then, be ready

to clean out your trailers
by the end of the day.

Hey. Uh, Chris.
Chris, uh, sorry.

Are you avoiding me?
I mean, you haven't talked to me

- since... you know.
- No.

No, it's not that.
It's just,

given all this HR stuff,

things have gotten
really complicated.

- What are you talking about?
- In terms

of our business relationship.

You're an employee.

And that puts me at risk.

Oh, wait, wait.
Everything that's going on,

you're telling me
that the network cares

who you sleep with?

#MeToo.

And...

I need you to sign
a consent form.

- A what?
- Consent form saying

that you consent to have
a sexual relationship with me.

If you did me a solid
and backdated it,

it would really help me out.

- This can't be happening.
- Oh, it is happening, Tor.

Screw 'em. We're family.
We're staying together,

whether they like it or not.

You're right.
We're not giving up.

We're gonna have
to take action, then.

Planning and teamwork.

Gabrielle's right.
I mean, if we quit now,

- this lunatic wins.
- Well, then we just got

to find this creep
and get our show back.

Well, then, let's go.
Come on. Let's go.

- Got work to do.
- Bring your sandwich.

Okay, everyone, come on.
We need more names.

People who have it out for us.

We only have 125 so far,
and we need more.

I might have accidentally given
Christina Aguilera side-eye

when she played
the Peach Pit After Dark.

- You might have?
- Accidentally.

I thought this was just people
we intentionally offended.

Now we have to add accidentals?

I knew people were holding back,
so come on. Let's go.

Ivanka Trump. She had it out for
me when I did The Apprentice.

Wayne Newton.
Very sore loser.

Dancing with the Stars. Right.

That girl that I danced with.
Cheryl,

- um...
- Burke.

- Cheryl Burke.
- Oh.

Spelled B-E-R-Z-E-R-K.

Okay.

- Uh, Vanilla Ice.
- Why?

- He knows.
- I've really learned

to love the people that hate me,

like those "I Hate Brenda"
newsletter bitches.

That's very inspirational.

- And so convincing.
- Thank you.

The prop guy
from the first two seasons.

How many exes do I have?

Ben Kenobi.

Jerry Seinfeld,
'cause I stalked him

for a really long time.
He's hot. I still stalk him,

- to be truthful.
- Cole Hauser hates me.

- He hates her.
- Why?

- Who is Cole Hauser?
- Exactly.

All the people
on Saved by the Bell.

- Mike Meyers.
- Paris Hilton.

- She was nice to me.
- I'm sure she was.

You had sex with Paris Hilton?

You can paint this picture,
but I'm not gonna frame it.

Anakin Skywalker.
He didn't like me.

You know what,
this is pointless, guys.

Yeah, this is quantity

over quality.
We need one name

of a person
that really hates us.

- I got to get home.
- Before you do, you guys,

I need you to text me
at least 25 more names

- by tomorrow morning.
- 25?

I had trouble coming up
with four.

Ooh.
Corey Feldman. Surreal Life.

- Hey, B.
- Hmm?

If a girl asked you
to Netflix and chill,

is that a date?

Uh, I don't know.

But if it is,
it sounds like a cheap one.

You know what?
Let's get our steps in.

Let's take the stairs.

- The stairs?
- Yes.

- What is wrong with you?
- Everything.

- Sometime today, sister. Let's go.
- All right, stop.

Move it. Oh, my God!

- Oh!
- Tor!

Oh, my God.

Oh, geez.

Are you okay?

- Yeah.
- What...

What happened?

Oh, my God.

I know who it is.
The stalker.

Well, even if T was wrong,

this place is pretty cool.

Yeah, and only
a two-hour drive from L.A.

At least it was
a comfortable ride.

How would you know?
You were sleeping.

Yeah, 'cause there's
all this space in the third row.

Hey, you guys made it.

Hey. Yeah, we did.

StStill need
to secure the perimeter,

check out ingress and egress,

in case something goes down.

Mm, I love it
when you talk dirty.

Hey, Costner, are you allowed
to date the clients?

Gone rogue.

Besides,
I'll be the one laughing

when you're barbecued
and chopped into little bits.

- Take it easy.
- Pretty dark, Jen.

Tor, you sure
you want to do this?

Absolutely. Let's go.

Let's go.

So how 'bout it?

Well. Want to get a beer?

I would like a beer, please.

Holy crap.

♪ I hear a voice ♪

♪ In my mind ♪

Man, is that really him?

Yes, it is.

Wait, wait, you know that guy?

He was on 90210.

Jamie Walters.

Ray Pruit.

- Still nothing.
- Season six.

- There was a season six?
- That's what they say.

So, Ray

dated Donna
and then Ray pushed Donna

down the stairs.
It got a little dark.

Yeah. And he took the blame
for it in real life.

- The actor?
- Yeah. Isn't that crazy?

The fans started hating him

because he pushed Donna
down the stairs.

Totally messed up his career.

Poor guy. Couldn't get arrested
after that.

♪ How do you talk to an angel? ♪

The graffiti
that was on our stage door.

"Stop acting
like I'm not even here."

That is exactly what Ray said
to Donna

before he pushed her
down the stairs.

He's the stalker.

Mystery solved.

This makes sense.
He knows about the reboot.

This is triggering him.

It's amazing, the things
that people hold on to.

Siri, how many seasons of 90210
were there?

Hey, look who's here, everyone.
It's the original cast of 90210.

- I love you, David.
- Hey, guys.

Thanks for coming out.

So it was you all along.

- You're a psycho. He's a psycho.
- Whoa, whoa.

- What?
- "Stop acting like I'm not even here"?

- I'm calling the authorities.
- Nice to see you guys, too.

- What-what are we talking about?
- Oh, come on.

- Like you don't know.
- Dude, Jamie, you cut my head off.

- You severed my limbs.
- You sliced my arms.

Jamie, we understand.
You're mad.

I am not mad.

What do you mean,
you're not mad?

You're obsessed with us.

- How can nobody answer 911?
- Will somebody

please tell me
what we're talking about here?

You threatened us
and stalked us,

so much that I got freaked out

and I had to have
a bodyguard follow me around.

Listen, whatever you guys think
I did...

We think
you burned down our sets.

What are you talking about?

And, also, wh-who are you?

Who am I? Who are you?

Ray Pruit.

One "T." Season six.

- Yeah, still nothing.
- Look,

- someone burned down our soundstages.
- You guys know

I quit acting
and became a firefighter, right?

I put out fires.
I don't start 'em.

Why are you guys accusing me
of this stuff?

Because you pushed me
down the stairs.

Well, my character.

Remember all the hate mail
you got over that?

Yeah. Yeah, pretty much ruined
my acting career.

You don't think maybe it had
anything to do with that song?

Which was great,
because I ended up

doing something so much better
with my life.

Lot more important
than being an actor.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Guys, look, I-I try to help people

and save lives.

Oh, my God. Me, too.

- Whoa. Nice.
- You guys, uh,

this is Jason. He says
he wants to tell us something.

Hey, Jason. What's up?
Long time.

Hey, Jamie. Guys,

good news. They caught the guy

who set fire to the stage.

We're back.

Never a dull moment
for the 90210 reboot.

This evening, Johnson Deitz
was arrested in Downey...

That was that guy.

- Ooh, it's that guy.
- Huh. -Tor.

Sources say
he's an obsessive 90210 fan

who owned the red dress

recently stolen by Tori
Spelling at a fan convention.

At this point,
we have to wonder,

will this reboot
ever get off the ground?

Oh, this reboot
is totally getting

- off the ground.
- Mm.

Jamie, I'm so sorry.

For what,
ruining my acting career

or falsely accusing me
of arson and terrorism?

How can we make it up to you?

Mm, I have an idea.

♪ How do you talk to an angel? ♪

♪ How do you hold her close
to where you are? ♪

♪ How do you talk ♪

♪ To an angel? ♪

♪ It's like trying
to catch a falling star. ♪

Yeah!

- Jamie! I'm good.
- All right.

- That was so good.
- That was awesome!

Come in.

Hey.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- What's up?
- Hey, Tori.

What are you guys... doing?

Watching golf.

It's the playoffs.

- Masters.
- Right.

Jen, I have a problem.

They scheduled my sex scene
with Brian

- first up again.
- Oh,

- this is a hard shot.
- Oh!

It's so exciting.

- I hope he makes it.
- No, we don't like

- this guy.
- Oh. Okay.

Well, I hope he doesn't make it.

- You hate golf.
- You hate golf?

- I like golf.
- She likes golf.

You threw your ex-husband's
golf clubs out the window.

I don't remember doing that.

Hey, Tori, you should come by
after you wrap.

We're gonna be having
a barbecue.

My friend's coming over
with this amazing craft brew

from his microbrewery.

- I love crafting.
- Okay.

Um, can I talk to you outside
for a second?

- 'Kay.
- Okay. Mm.

- What?
- Who are you?

Come on. I'm having fun.

And look at him.

And he's crazy about me.

And the sex...

Mmm, the sex.

I forgot it could be
so mind-blowing.

And I have endorphins again.

- Endorphins.
- Oh, please.

You have six kids. It's
not like you're not getting any.

And if you are, stop.

Honestly, the only sex
I am thinking about right now

is the scene with Brian.

Okay, why are you so freaked out
by this?

I don't know.

No, I do know.

It's 'cause he was my first.

And now I'm having feelings
for him again.

And I have to kiss him
under hot lights

in front of a crew
and act like I'm not enjoying,

acting like I'm enjoying it.

So enjoy it. Or don't.

It doesn't matter.

Okay?
It's just a little sex scene.

It's not real.

Like these.

Now go have fun.

How long you been skating?

Uh, just about a year.

That's awesome.

You know what's funny?
I was thinking about it.

I, uh... I-I think
I was younger than you

when I met your mom.

Yeah. I can do basic math.

Fair enough.

I'm just saying,
I was... I was young.

Your mom didn't-didn't talk
about much.

Yeah, she didn't want to.

Sh-She didn't even want
to tell me about anything.

It's a part of her life
she just kind of closed off.

- Why?
- I don't know.

I-I guess, uh...
she came to L.A. thinking

she was gonna be Julia Roberts
or something.

And then, uh...

then she was an extra on 90210,

and that's as good as it got.

I totally remember.

We had this
small group of extras

that worked all the time.

And-and we were kids,

so we used to all party together
pretty hard.

She really doesn't like

- to talk about that.
- There you go.

See? She raised a good kid.

Thanks, Brian.

You know, if you...

if you want to... I mean,

I don't expect you to...

But you can... you can totally...

call me Dad.

Oh.

I mean, it's-it's...

It's...

That was weird. That's...

Uh, forget that I said that.

That, uh...

Uh... It's nice of you.

It's just... Mom has been my mom
because she raised me.

No. I... uh, yeah.
I don't-I don't...

- I just got to know you.
- Totally.

I don't want this
to be weird at all.

Plus, h-have you told anyone?

Uh...

I don't think you should.

Why not?

I don't want people to think

I pulled any strings
getting this PA job.

And I don't think you're ready.

And maybe the ship
has sailed on...

on you being "Dad."

I mean, I'm 20.

I got to get back to work.

- Hey, Brian.
- Hey.

Got some pledges here for you.

Oh, right on.
Cool. Thanks, man.

Yeah.
You're welcome, man.

- Morning.
- Hey.

So, I see they have
our scene scheduled first up.

- You finally got that sex scene you wanted.
- Yep.

It's been, like, my God,

20 years since we've done
one of these.

Are you feeling nervous?

- I am not.
- Okay.

So deep thoughts.

How do they maintain

such an amazing marriage
after all these years?

Well, Donna and David are in
an imaginary relationship

so, uh, there's that.

I have to work on these lines.

I'll see you later, okay?

Good talk.

Thank you for coming in.

Wow. So serious
all of a sudden.

Sorry, this whole HR thing's
got me really spooked.

I don't think I'm ever gonna
have sex again.

It's way too risky.

So is this your way
of saying that...

It's not my way
of saying anything.

Granted, I'm more of a player
than a stayer but I like you.

A lot.

- I think we're kindred spirits.
- All right, let's not get crazy.

Are you saying if I sign this,
you'll date me?

- 'Cause I am very confused.
- I know you are, Gab.

What's the issue? Do you regret
having sex with me?

Not at all.

I-I just don't feel like
recording it

on some gratuitous
legal document.

- Is it something you're ashamed of?
- No.

But I've only told
two other people, though.

Well, I guess you're not ready.

See, that's it. Ready for what?

I don't even know
what I'm not ready for.

And until I figure that out,

why would I go and put it
on a piece of paper?

Quiet on the set.

Picture's up.

All right, everybody,
let's do this.

The all-new 90210.

Oh, great.

Now I feel really hot.

Let's rehearse, guys.

Nah, these guys don't need
to rehearse.

You know how to do it, right,
guys? Just like old times.

Well, except it's not
just like old times,

'cause it's 20 years later.

All right, we're ready to shoot.

Red light and bell.

Ready?

Mm-hmm.

All right.

Okay.

- Come on in.
- Yep.

Here I come.

Almost there.

All right, you ready, guys?
Here we go.

Scene 28, take one.

And... action.

Donna, you are the best thing

that ever happened to me.

I love you, David.

Um, wait.

- Can you see this?
- What?

Jay, are you sure this is
a good angle?

Should the camera be
a little higher for me?

Tori. You look great.

Just like you did
when you were 19.

Oh, my God. Jay, shut up.

Now I know you're lying.

Are you getting my right side?

Uh, actually more
your left side.

No, you know that my right side
is my right side.

- Yep, go ahead and cut it.
- Let's cut.

Jason, can you come here,
please?

Tori, what are you
talking about?

Your good side, your bad side.

Like, I can barely even see
your face in this shot.

We're panning across the bed.

Panning across what?

Let's not worry about that.

Well, I am worried about it

because I'm the one
that's half naked in a bed here,

and everyone is looking,

and I'm not feeling
like I look good.

Tori, I don't have time to shoot
around your insecurities.

Okay, well, then you're gonna
have to reschedule

when you can find the time.

Sorry, Bri.

Sorry, guys.

So is that lunch?

Hey, how's it going?

It's a little stressful.

I'm sorry to hear that.

What do you say we grab a drink
and unwind after we wrap?

Well, I, uh...

Maybe we could
Netflix and chill.

What's funny?

You say that like it has
quotation marks around it.

Those are your words.

Sure. Let's hang.

- Cool. Great.
- We can go to the Alston House.

- Jason got me a membership.
- Got to love Jay.

He's always working
those angles.

I'd offer to pick you up, but...

Let's meet there.

Bri.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Sorry about earlier.

I-I just wanted it to be right.

- What?
- Our sex scene.

- Well, the one that wasn't.
- Ah, I'm not worried about it.

Ah, of course you aren't.

Guys never are.

Are you okay?

Yeah, of course.
Why wouldn't I be?

I don't know.

You just seem distant.

Is it something I did, or...?

No, no, no, Tori.

It has nothing to do with you.

Okay.

Well, I'm here
if you want to talk.

All right, all right.
I'll let you know.

- Hi.
- Hey.

You okay?

I'm such an idiot.

I mean, why would he possibly
want to call me "Dad"?

Because you're his father and
he came here looking for you?

He's 20.
He's 20 years old.

I missed all that.
I wasn't there for him.

Brian.

I mean, you just met him,
you just found out.

He asked me if I told anybody,

and I had to tell him "no."

Because I was embarrassed.

I don't know how to tell people.

I don't know how to tell Shay.

I don't know how to tell
my kid... my other kids.

Okay, let me ask you something.

When... When you asked him
to call you "Dad,"

did you ask because
it's what you wanted

or because you thought
it's what he wanted?

Both.

There you have it.

Look, you're father and son.

Just focus on Zach right now.

And you'll tell people
when the time is right.

Hey, everyone.

Is this a coincidence?

Oh, I think we all needed
a drink after today.

Ugh, I know.
We haven't shot a single scene.

Mm. It's brutal.

But I have a glass of wine

and a tall drink of water,
so I'm good.

Mmm.

And I've got a gorgeous woman
and a bottle of beer,

so I'm good.

Mmm.

Mm-hmm.

You guys are such a cute couple.

Thanks. Yeah, he's a good guy.

And she's incredible.

She lets me watch golf.

Pretends that she likes it.

No, I do.
I'm not pretending.

- I do like it.
- Mm-hmm.

Yes, it... there's...

Ian, how about a couple
of the bourbon apple sangrias?

They are amazing.

- Sounds interesting.
- Excuse me.

- Yes.
- Could we have a couple

- of the bourbon apple sangrias, please?
- Mm-hmm.

- You're gonna love them.
- Can't wait.

- Hey.
- Mm.

How about that new draft?

It was great, wasn't it?

Anna's worked so hard.

Yeah, it was better.

A lot of rewrites.

So it's coming along, I think.

Well, rewrites are good.

It works out
your writing muscle,

which is very strong,
by the way.

My writing muscle.

This guy is like
a one-man support system.

Well, I do what I can to help.

Yes, Ian is very helpful.

Mm-hmm. It's like having
your own Tony Robbins

right there with you
all the time.

I said the same thing.

What?

I didn't say anything.

That grin did.

It's just really adorable
seeing you so head over heels.

You're, like, girlish.

It's really very sweet, Jen.

Almost as sweet as your bourbon
apple sangria over there.

What's that supposed to mean?

I'm just seeing a lot
of life coaching and mentoring.

Huh, you know, I'm seeing
a lot of spectator sports

that I know
you have zero interest in.

I'm trying new things.

Maybe falling into old patterns.

Maybe we both are.

Yeah.

Anna is a lucky girl,

but you focus on you.

Thanks.

Right back at ya.

- Love you, Jen.
- Mm.

I love you.

Good night.

I can't believe Jason scheduled
my love scene

with Brian first thing
in the morning again.

It's like he's not even being
sensitive to the fact

that I want to feel comfortable
and look good during it,

otherwise what's the point
of shooting it?

- Did you talk to Brian about it?
- Yeah.

And he says nothing, like,
he literally is saying nothing.

I don't know if he's
not comfortable with it

or if it's me, or what,
but it's not working.

- Why don't you have him hire an intimacy coordinator?
- A what?

That is a good idea, Shannen.

An intimacy coordinator.

They're like, uh,
sex choreographers.

They make sure
that boundaries are clear

and everybody's comfortable
on set.

I'll ask Jason,

but I'm sure he won't listen
to me, like usual.

Well, he needs to listen to us.

I mean, I've told him five times

I want Kyler's wardrobe changed.

It's bad enough she has
one line in the show.

I don't want her saying it
in a bikini.

He had me waiting on set
for two hours

for a scene
that we never even shot.

I mean, could have saved, like,
five pit bulls

- within that time period.
- Give him a break.

He's having a hard time at home.

He's got a lot of problems
going on.

He's just trying to avoid them.

Well, he needs to stop avoiding
and start listening.

I'm not sure he's capable
of that right now.

Well, he's gonna listen to me.

Go get 'em, Jen.

- I'm gonna.
- Yeah.

- Mr. Director.
- Not now, Jennie.

I don't have time for you.

Don't call me that.

It's your name.

I don't like it when you say it.

You have no idea

- the amount of pressure I'm under.
- Here or at home?

Don't you worry about
what's going on in my home.

I will worry about it;
it's affecting me.

Because you're a narcissist.

I'm an actor.
We're all narcissists.

It's not just me.

It's the whole cast,
the whole crew.

Everybody is feeling
your energy.

So whatever
your little problem is,

you need to fix it
and step it up.

Fine.

Great.

I'm thinking
about leaving Camille.

Okay, let's don't be dramatic.

You are tired.

It's been a stressful week.

I just don't think I can raise
another man's kid.

Even for you,
that sounds prehistoric.

Mm, then I'm a caveman.

You're not evolved enough
to be a caveman.

That's funny.

I like to make you laugh.

Okay.

Camille needs you.

Get some sleep.

Don't close my door.
Don't close my...

- Amy...
- Yes, sir?

Could someone come
and open my door?

Right away.

Mr. Priestley.

Dude, these are the small sides.
I need the big ones.

I've told you that,
like, five times already.

Jay, why don't you, uh...

why don't you take it easy
on the kid?

He's just learning.

No, I need people here
who already know

how to do their job, Brian.

I understand that,

but don't bring your
personal crap or your stress

to, what, you know, there's...

To people that are just trying
to do their job.

Let's just get back to work.

Don't worry about him.

Thanks, Bri.

You're welcome.

- Hey, Jay.
- 20. Tori, hey.

Look, I've made
some adjustments,

but we really need to get
this scene shot today,

so if you're having
any issues...

No, actually, I don't,

because I have hired
an intimacy coordinator.

- A what?
- This is Melanie.

She's gonna coach me
through the scene.

Ah, Melanie.

Just what I need,
another time suck.

She's just gonna make me
feel confident and not rushed.

Not rushed. Great.

Hurry up and get in there.
Brian's waiting.

Scene 28, take two.

All right, you ready, guys?

Here we go. And... action.

Donna, you're the best thing
that's ever happened to me.

I love you, David.

Excuse me?

Yes, Melanie?

It's just that
that's not the exact touching

that you rehearsed.

And I just want

to make sure
that you feel comfortable.

Yeah, I'm comfortable.

With him brushing
against your breasts?

Uh, well, Brian's an old friend,

so he's brushed
against my breasts many times.

Brian, are you comfortable
brushing against her breasts?

Totally comfortable.

Okay.

Okay,
are we all comfortable now?

Great. Okay,
let's go back to one.

And... action.

Donna, you're the best thing
that's ever happened to me.

Love you, David.

- Excuse me.
- What now, Melanie?

What now, Melanie?

Tori,
you just don't look comfortable.

I don't care
about looking comfortable.

I want to look good.

The two go hand in hand.

Let's try something.

Scene 28, take three.

Here we go.

And... action.

Donna, you're the best thing
that ever happened to me.

I love you, David.

You're doing so good. So good.

I can't do this.
It's like The Handmaid's Tale.

- And cut!
- Cutting!

Well, I guess that's lunch.

Yeah, come in.

Hey, what's up?

Jason is impossible.

All he does is he gets me to do

these unnecessary rewrites
when the network

doesn't even give permission
to shoot

because we can't afford the sets
or the locations.

We haven't even filmed
a single thing today.

God, he's like the epitome
of-of indulgence

and-and arrogance
and incompetence.

That's my boy.

But do you really think
that it's his fault

we haven't gotten
one shot off yet?

- 100%.
- Nah.

It's a little more complicated
than that.

He's got some problems at home.

Well, he should probably try
and fix them.

It's not that easy.

Uh, actually, it is.

You face it,
and you deal with it.

Oh, yeah? Talk to me
in 20 years about that.

Maybe I will.

I, um...

weirdly like hanging out
with you.

Well,
you'll probably get over it.

Hope not.

Was that okay?

Yeah, that was okay.

Um, before we go any further,

one thing.

What's that?

We better sign
this consent form.

Consent form?

It's 2019.

2019

is such a trip.

Have any of you
ever been asked to sign

- a love contract?
- Yes. I got married.

No, no, this is a consent form

to date someone you're
working with. It's insane.

Apparently, it's a thing now.

Wait, is it a thing?

D-Do I need to sign one
with Wyatt?

- It's a thing.
- It actually is a thing,

and I was just asked
to sign one.

- You had to sign one?
- Wait.

- What?
- With who? Who is he?

It's not a he.

What?

She asked me to disclose it

in a legal document,
and, you-you guys,

it's not fair.
I haven't even told anybody yet.

- You're gay.
- Tell anybody what?

- She's gay. She just told us.
- So you're gay.

- She just said she's...
- Oh, no, not gay.

Not bi.
I have no idea what I am,

and as of now,

I am coming out undeclared
to you.

Gab, I think
that's really brave.

Thank you.

Very, uh, inspirational.

You know what I think?

I think I want to come out, too.

Thank God. Now it makes sense.

That's why you're uncomfortable
during the sex scene.

- I thought it was me.
- Zach.

I would like to introduce, uh,

for the first time
to everyone, Zach...

my son.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

Zach,

you are very lucky
to have Brian as your father.

Welcome to the family.

Thanks, Tor.

All right,
you guys want to go shoot this?

Let's do it.

All right, you ready, guys?

Let's try this one more time.

Action.

Donna, you're the best thing
that ever happened to me.

I love you, David.

Ooh.

I am so sorry.

No problem.

- And let's cut it!
- Cutting!

All right. That's great.

Ladies and gentlemen,
we just completed

our first scene
of the new 90210.

Not a moment too soon. 46 more,

we got ourselves
a complete show.

Next things next,
what are we gonna do now?

Let's get moving.

Okay? Let's, uh, open up
the elephant doors.

We're gonna bring in the Supertechno crane.
You mean the high shot?

We're gonna...
That's a very good question.

We're gonna do a shot
through the door

- that's starting in there...
- Camille?

- Are you okay? I'll get him.
- Scene 12 over here...

- Hey, Jay.
- Yeah.

- I don't have time, Jen.
- Jay, you need to take this.

- Yeah, not now, Jennie.
- No, you need to take this call.

It's Camille.
She's in an ambulance.

What?

Camille?

Yeah. Honey,
I'll be right there.

Yeah. Okay, I'm on my way.

Is he leaving?

Yeah, he is.

How about a drive

out to the beach
for a nice dinner?

I'd like that.

Night, ladies.

Night.

Good night.

I'm sorry, I don't...

Are you a part of the crew?

- Oh, you're here to investigate the fire.
- Just wrapping up.

- Okay, well, good night.
- Night.

Yeah, today's actually
my first day.

Really?

Hey, what time's call tomorrow?

6:30 a.m.

("Back in the Saddle Again"
by Gene Autry playing)

Miracles never cease.

Sources say the 90210 reboot
finally started shooting.

- Hey.
- The old gang is back in action.

Uh... Okay.

Oh. Okay. Fine.

Get in.

♪ Whoopi-ty-aye-oh... ♪

I hope you're microchipped.

♪ Back in the saddle again ♪

♪ Whoopi-ty-aye-yay ♪

♪ I go my way,
back in the saddle again. ♪