Axe Cop (2012–2015): Season 2, Episode 10 - Baboons Rising - full transcript
A war erupts between the baboons and the bears, and Axe Cop must find a way to bring them to peace, even if it means exposing a dangerous secret.
It began like most things:
in a top secret engineering
lab filled with baboons.
Doctor, it's time
to face the facts.
- Nothing's working.
- Confound it, Miles.
I promised your father
I wouldn't quit until we found
a cure for baboon rage.
If only we could understand
what he is trying to tell us.
_
_
Oh, that's adorable.
Don't worry, bonzo, no
one's giving up on...
No!
_
The president never
even saw it coming.
_
Baboons! Shoot your bullets
at them with your guns.
Whoa!
Oh god!
But that was months ago.
With the president dead and
Axe Cop missing in action,
these people have put the
last of their hope... in me.
One day, the scene of the fire.
The cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became...
Axe Cop!
_
So he had tryouts and
hired a partner.
_
_
I will chop your heads off!
Brothers and sisters,
please do not grow weary,
but hold on to hope. For
I, Flute Cop, am with you.
- Hey!
- Boo! We want Axe Cop!
Oh! Tough crowd.
Hey, Grey, you got anymore
candy we can throw at them?
I don't know, I think
Sockarang ate them.
What the heck?
Baboons! We're under
a baboon attack!
Baboons, battle stations!
Oh, no! There's something
else headed our way!
- Something big.
- Oh, no, no, no, no!
It's bears!
As if baboon-pocolypse
wasn't bad enough,
now we've got bear-mageddon!
Hey, wait a second,
it's Axe Cop!
Bear army, kill all the baboons!
Hyah!
Oh my god, the baboons are gone!
Axe Cop's the best!
I'm gonna miss being the
last hope of mankind.
Oh, Flutey, you've been my last
hope since I first met you.
Hyah!
Hey, the baboons are gone!
You did it, Axe Cop!
Wrong, they're not gone.
The baboons prayed to
the Almighty Baboon.
He turned them microscopic,
and they are now entering
our bloodstreams.
Uh... wait, there are little
tiny baboons inside me?
- Like, right now?
- Why am I all itchy?
Oh, you're itchy? That's weird.
I am not itchy at all.
My diamond is not
stinging at all.
Oh! Oh, no! Look how
red my butt is!
- I need to put some sap on this!
- Axe Cop, tell us what to do!
It says here that we need to
go visit the Almighty Bear.
- The Almighty Bear?
- Yes, the Almighty Bear is the only
one who can defeat
the Almighty Baboon.
How are we going to find
a microscopic baboon?
It says right here that
the Almighty Baboon
is the one with the purple bum.
To Bearopolis! Hyah!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on.
You haven't answered
my question.
There! In that tree is
the slide to Bearopolis,
the city of bears.
- How are we gonna get inside that tree?
- I brought a key.
Let's go!
Whoa! What the heck!
Ow, I think I got a splinter.
Axe Cop, did you bring tweezers?
Oh my goodness. Are
you seeing this?
Bearopolis is amazing!
Oh boy, I think
I've been spotted.
Whew, that was a close one.
Those bears almost saw... Oh!
Axe Cop! No! Help!
- Shush, play along.
- What?
I have to wear a bear
disguise to blend in.
Well, no fair! Why don't
I get a bear disguise?
I'm a husky guy, I
could pass for a bear.
Don't worry, you are going to
be my sacrificial offering
in the temple of
the Almighty Bear.
- Axe Cop, can we rethink this strategy?
- There's no time.
We're here.
Almighty Bear!
I have come to offer you
a fat human sacrifice
to show that I come in peace.
_
- Axe Cop! Wait, wait, wait!
- Hyah!
_
To make you my pet!
_
Flute Cop, quick, chew
through the stomach,
break through its bones with your
face, and bite it in the heart.
Hyah!
Okay, this is gonna
taste terrible.
- Why didn't you do this yourself?
- Because it's gross.
Whew! I think I found the heart!
- Hurry, bite it now.
- Ugh!
Yeah!
_
Flute Cop, order it to
shrink down all the bears on
Earth so they can enter our
blood and kill the baboons.
Sure thing, Axe Cop.
It's been a week since
we introduced the bears
into our bloodstreams,
and the acceleration of the
disease has been stabilized.
Hey, bro, you got any of those
purple vitamin C gummies left?
Until we find the
Almighty Baboon
with the purple butt,
there can be no cure.
But Axe Cop says he has a plan.
Attention survivors,
while the bears are battling
back the baboons in your blood,
there will be no cure without
the help of the president.
But, Axe Cop, the
president is dead!
No! The president that died
was the normal president.
But the Secret President
is still alive.
Wait, there's a
Secret President?
Yes! He's so secret, that
no one knows who he is.
Except me. His name is
Larry, the almighty human,
and he is sleeping on a park
bench in Arizona City, Arizona.
Um, Axe Cop, do you
think it's a good idea
to announce where the
Secret President is?
I mean, the baboons are
everywhere inside of us,
they could be
listening right now.
What if the Almighty Baboon finds
the Secret President first?
I'm counting on it. Let's go!
Hello, Mr. Secret
President, sir.
Shush! That was supposed
to be a secret.
I know, but this
is an emergency.
- Flute Cop, check his butt.
- What?
It's an honor to meet you, Mr.
Secret President.
Oh, no! Axe Cop, his
butt's turning purple.
The Almighty Baboon
has taken our bait.
- Are we too late?
- We're right on time.
Flute Cop, I command you to
command the Almighty Bear pet
to shrink us down so we can
enter the Secret President,
and kill the Almighty Baboon.
You heard him, bear!
Shrink us down!
To the Secret President's heart!
Not so fast, Almighty Baboon!
_
_
No, only you are doomed.
Now you're stuck inside
Larry, the Secret President
and we brought the ultimate
weapon to defeat you.
Take a bite of my secret
double shrink attack!
Bear pet, now!
Axe Cop, I'm at the heart.
Oh-ho-ho, it's so gross!
Bite it now!
_
Almighty Baboon, I command
you to spit me out.
There's a good baboon.
And so...
in the end, the bears
returned to Bearopolis.
The baboons became good guys
and live inside us all,
keeping the world
free of disease.
Larry went back to sleep
and for Axe Cop, well...
I guess he really did
have a plan after all.
Whew!
Oh, no one's here.
in a top secret engineering
lab filled with baboons.
Doctor, it's time
to face the facts.
- Nothing's working.
- Confound it, Miles.
I promised your father
I wouldn't quit until we found
a cure for baboon rage.
If only we could understand
what he is trying to tell us.
_
_
Oh, that's adorable.
Don't worry, bonzo, no
one's giving up on...
No!
_
The president never
even saw it coming.
_
Baboons! Shoot your bullets
at them with your guns.
Whoa!
Oh god!
But that was months ago.
With the president dead and
Axe Cop missing in action,
these people have put the
last of their hope... in me.
One day, the scene of the fire.
The cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became...
Axe Cop!
_
So he had tryouts and
hired a partner.
_
_
I will chop your heads off!
Brothers and sisters,
please do not grow weary,
but hold on to hope. For
I, Flute Cop, am with you.
- Hey!
- Boo! We want Axe Cop!
Oh! Tough crowd.
Hey, Grey, you got anymore
candy we can throw at them?
I don't know, I think
Sockarang ate them.
What the heck?
Baboons! We're under
a baboon attack!
Baboons, battle stations!
Oh, no! There's something
else headed our way!
- Something big.
- Oh, no, no, no, no!
It's bears!
As if baboon-pocolypse
wasn't bad enough,
now we've got bear-mageddon!
Hey, wait a second,
it's Axe Cop!
Bear army, kill all the baboons!
Hyah!
Oh my god, the baboons are gone!
Axe Cop's the best!
I'm gonna miss being the
last hope of mankind.
Oh, Flutey, you've been my last
hope since I first met you.
Hyah!
Hey, the baboons are gone!
You did it, Axe Cop!
Wrong, they're not gone.
The baboons prayed to
the Almighty Baboon.
He turned them microscopic,
and they are now entering
our bloodstreams.
Uh... wait, there are little
tiny baboons inside me?
- Like, right now?
- Why am I all itchy?
Oh, you're itchy? That's weird.
I am not itchy at all.
My diamond is not
stinging at all.
Oh! Oh, no! Look how
red my butt is!
- I need to put some sap on this!
- Axe Cop, tell us what to do!
It says here that we need to
go visit the Almighty Bear.
- The Almighty Bear?
- Yes, the Almighty Bear is the only
one who can defeat
the Almighty Baboon.
How are we going to find
a microscopic baboon?
It says right here that
the Almighty Baboon
is the one with the purple bum.
To Bearopolis! Hyah!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on.
You haven't answered
my question.
There! In that tree is
the slide to Bearopolis,
the city of bears.
- How are we gonna get inside that tree?
- I brought a key.
Let's go!
Whoa! What the heck!
Ow, I think I got a splinter.
Axe Cop, did you bring tweezers?
Oh my goodness. Are
you seeing this?
Bearopolis is amazing!
Oh boy, I think
I've been spotted.
Whew, that was a close one.
Those bears almost saw... Oh!
Axe Cop! No! Help!
- Shush, play along.
- What?
I have to wear a bear
disguise to blend in.
Well, no fair! Why don't
I get a bear disguise?
I'm a husky guy, I
could pass for a bear.
Don't worry, you are going to
be my sacrificial offering
in the temple of
the Almighty Bear.
- Axe Cop, can we rethink this strategy?
- There's no time.
We're here.
Almighty Bear!
I have come to offer you
a fat human sacrifice
to show that I come in peace.
_
- Axe Cop! Wait, wait, wait!
- Hyah!
_
To make you my pet!
_
Flute Cop, quick, chew
through the stomach,
break through its bones with your
face, and bite it in the heart.
Hyah!
Okay, this is gonna
taste terrible.
- Why didn't you do this yourself?
- Because it's gross.
Whew! I think I found the heart!
- Hurry, bite it now.
- Ugh!
Yeah!
_
Flute Cop, order it to
shrink down all the bears on
Earth so they can enter our
blood and kill the baboons.
Sure thing, Axe Cop.
It's been a week since
we introduced the bears
into our bloodstreams,
and the acceleration of the
disease has been stabilized.
Hey, bro, you got any of those
purple vitamin C gummies left?
Until we find the
Almighty Baboon
with the purple butt,
there can be no cure.
But Axe Cop says he has a plan.
Attention survivors,
while the bears are battling
back the baboons in your blood,
there will be no cure without
the help of the president.
But, Axe Cop, the
president is dead!
No! The president that died
was the normal president.
But the Secret President
is still alive.
Wait, there's a
Secret President?
Yes! He's so secret, that
no one knows who he is.
Except me. His name is
Larry, the almighty human,
and he is sleeping on a park
bench in Arizona City, Arizona.
Um, Axe Cop, do you
think it's a good idea
to announce where the
Secret President is?
I mean, the baboons are
everywhere inside of us,
they could be
listening right now.
What if the Almighty Baboon finds
the Secret President first?
I'm counting on it. Let's go!
Hello, Mr. Secret
President, sir.
Shush! That was supposed
to be a secret.
I know, but this
is an emergency.
- Flute Cop, check his butt.
- What?
It's an honor to meet you, Mr.
Secret President.
Oh, no! Axe Cop, his
butt's turning purple.
The Almighty Baboon
has taken our bait.
- Are we too late?
- We're right on time.
Flute Cop, I command you to
command the Almighty Bear pet
to shrink us down so we can
enter the Secret President,
and kill the Almighty Baboon.
You heard him, bear!
Shrink us down!
To the Secret President's heart!
Not so fast, Almighty Baboon!
_
_
No, only you are doomed.
Now you're stuck inside
Larry, the Secret President
and we brought the ultimate
weapon to defeat you.
Take a bite of my secret
double shrink attack!
Bear pet, now!
Axe Cop, I'm at the heart.
Oh-ho-ho, it's so gross!
Bite it now!
_
Almighty Baboon, I command
you to spit me out.
There's a good baboon.
And so...
in the end, the bears
returned to Bearopolis.
The baboons became good guys
and live inside us all,
keeping the world
free of disease.
Larry went back to sleep
and for Axe Cop, well...
I guess he really did
have a plan after all.
Whew!
Oh, no one's here.