Awkward. (2011–2016): Season 4, Episode 14 - Welcome to Hell - full transcript

Previously on Awkward...

Neither of us hooks up.

If we see the other flirting,

then we swoop in and stop it

- like a...
- Reverse wingman.

I'm Natalie. Come upstairs?

Daddy, what's going on?

- Have you guys seen Matty?
- He took off

with some older chick.

Greetings, PHHsers!

Come on down to the career fair today



and find out if you have good reason

to be scared out of your gourds.

Today was the day

that SCU sent out their
admission decisions.

Any minute now, I'd receive an email

that could change my life forever.

And the great thing about it?

I wasn't scared.

I'd kicked ass in my interview

and aced the last semester.

Life was...

Jenna. How's it going?

A real bitch sometimes.

Oh, it's... it's Owen.



We kissed on New Year's Eve.

Yeah, yeah, right. I knew that.

You had no idea I went here, did you?

Not until I saw you at the
cafeteria a couple days ago.

I'm sorry.

But I'm only two grades below you.

Wow! Did you go through a growth spurt?

A big one, last summer.

Yeah, it was, uh, very painful.

So listen, um, you know how you told me

that you wished you knew
more about classical music?

Sure.

Cool. Well, I, um...

got you the perfect book to read.

Wow.

Thank you, Owen.

That is so sweet.

Okay, well, I, uh... I better get running.

All right, well, uh, talk soon, I hope.

Mm-hmm.

Hey!

Whatcha reading?

It's nothing.

Oh, come on, let me see it.

- No.
- Let me see it.

- No.
- Let me see.

- Stop it! Stop...
- What...

"Cracking the Classics:

Mozart, Bach, and Chopin for Beginners."

Never pegged you for a music geek.

Yeah, it's for school. Give it back.

Sure, sure. Talk to you later.

I felt bad keeping Owen a secret,

but I didn't want Matty to find out

that I had broken our no hook-up pledge.

And Owen was so young, a sophomore,

which would make me a cougar

at the ripe old age of 17.

[School bell rings]

T, you excited about hearing from SCU?

You must have been dreaming
about this day since preschool.

Excited? I'm a Kanye mess.

In case you forgot,

I puked all over my
chances of getting into SCU.

Literally.

Okay, so you puked during your interview.

No big deal.

You have a 7.0 GPA.

5.2 weighted.

But it doesn't matter. I'm toast.

You, on the other hand, you killed it.

They loved you.

Your acceptance is practically
signed, sealed, delivered, baby.

[Phone chimes]

Oh, my God!

I got into SCU!

Shut up, I got in too!

O to all the mother-effing Gs... I'm in!

Jenna?

Um, does anyone else not have a signal?

[Phones beeping and chiming]

I'm gonna go outside
to get a better signal.

My reception was fine.

_

It was my future that
was in the dead zone.

Jenna, that's b-a-n-a-n-a-s

that you haven't heard from SCU yet.

Do you want me to call them?

I have the admissions office phone number.

It's okay. I can wait.

Ha. My first acceptance.

Thank God I'm Tamara Ka-planner

and thought to send notes to SCU

from my GP, obgyn, and my psychologist

explaining that the reason I
was so cray during my interview

is 'cause of my Osgood-Schlatter's.

What's Osgood-Schlatter's?

No idea, but it totes worked.

Now I can finally go
on snooze cruise control

and get back to my [bleep] it list.

- What's left on there?
- Stuff that would eff up

my flawless permanent record.

O.M.G., maybe today
will finally be the day

I get my first detention.

Come on, Jenna, let's go
be teen trash together.

Uh, rain check.

I'm not really feeling so good.

[School bell rings]

Mom, can you pick me up?

I think I'm sick.

Yeah, you do look awful.

Mom? What are you doing here?

I told you, honey.

We're helping out at the career fair.

I'm passing out maps.

And I'm talking about the window biz.

You can't leave.

Who's gonna help me hold
up this gorgeous gal?

Gorgeous and an offer to Stanford.

It's good to be Gabby.

I'd rather be me and Ivy League.

Hey, Gabby.

Not now.

Well, I believe that's a
score for Matty McKibben.

Not even in the game, Jacob.

Yeah, that's what I say
when I get dissed too.

Your last girlfriend wasn't a psycho.

Okay, not as psycho.

She's hot, but I'm not looking.

You know, I think I
had class with her once.

She seemed kinda stuck-up to me.

Kind of?

She is the queen of Intimidation Nation...

those smart jock bitches
who spend every waking minute

obsessed with athletics

and acting superior to those who aren't.

Come on, Magic Matty.

Time to dust off the wand.

The Intimidation Nation
only date college guys.

You don't stand a chance.

Really. Is that so?

That is quite the nice
stroke you got there.

It's Matty.

I know who you are, McKibben.

Poor McKitten.

Looks like she got her ball and yours.

So, Jenna, when I'm
enlightening your peeps

on the synergy of style and energy savings

of double-hung sash windows,

you hold up this sample, okay?

Yeah, sure.

Hey, is everything okay?

Actually, Dad, about SCU...

Wait, let me guess. You
haven't heard back yet.

Well, don't worry, I got
my acceptance late too.

- Doesn't mean anything.
- J!

Hey, Valerie, quick question.

Do colleges ever change
their mind after a rejection?

I'm just asking for a friend.

Oh. No, never.

No, that ship has sailed
into the deep blue sea.

Then I was sinking faster
than the Titanic.

Hey, Jenna.

Uh, when you're done with that book,

would you wanna go see some
classical music with me?

I can't go out with you, Owen.

But why?

I mean, I just kinda
thought that you liked me,

and, I mean, we had
fun together, didn't we?

- We did and I do, but...
- But what?

I can't really give
you a good reason, okay?

Except for that sometimes

things don't work out the way you want

no matter how badly you want them too.

It doesn't matter if you work your ass off

or you give an amazing interview

or you have an alum parent.

You can still get rejected, okay?

And that's just the way it is.

It happens to everyone.

And I'm sorry, but I just can't help it.

Hey.

Hey, I heard you already
signed a letter of intent

to play tennis at Stanford.

That's huge. Congrats.

It's cute that you think flattering me

will make me want to talk to you.

"Cute"?

Does that mean it's working?

Nope.

Strike two, buddy.

Hey, kids.

Please welcome to the stage a PHHs alum.

She is brilliant.

She is successful.

She's got a great set of gams.

She's... me, Valerie Marks.

- [Laughs]
- [Students groan]

Oh, how I wish that were true.

It's corporate lawyer, Natalie Thompson.

Thanks, Val. It's truly an honor

to be back at PHHs.

What a lot of people don't understand

about people who broker
and install custom windows

is that we're very creative.

[Ahem]

My lovely daughter, Jenna,
acting as my assistant today.

She might even want to take
over the family business

after she graduates
from my Alma mater, SCU.

Right, honey?

Now what window do you
think would look better

in a ranch style home?

This one or... this one?

Lame.

I thought this was Microsoft Windows.

Take a year off after high school

and help spread the word of Jesus Christ

in super fun places
like Uganda and Detroit.

[Sighs]

I really hope people
come experience hell tent

and want to become missionaries
like Mommy and Daddy.

- [Ominous organ chords]
- _

It's quite a fascinating ritual.

It's not a ritual. Hell
tent shows non-believers

what happens in the afterlife
if you don't accept J.C.

[Inhales] I play the guardian angel

who steers them on the
path of righteousness.

Actually, there's been a
change of plans, cupcake.

- [Ominous organ chords]
- _

[Drums beating]

_

_

_

_

_

- _
- [Grunts]

- Now, kids, this is what happens
- _

- when you're unable to resist Tyler.
- _

Oops, I mean lust.

You shall hate the
whore and make her, like,

really desolate.

Then you'll eat her flesh
and burn her with fire?

Ew, that's not going to
really happen to me, is it?

We'll see.

And this is Jesus Christ.

[Dramatic music]

If thou shalt disobey me ever,

I will see to it that you all go to hell.

So don't swear, don't drink,

and never, ever wear
those horrific outfits

in my presence again.

Jesus says, "you're welcome."

Gosh,

where's your father when you need him?

Honey, sweetheart, I am so sorry I'm late.

That massage was so deep,

I just dozed off right there on the table.

I'm just glad you made it.

Do you like my costume?

It's cute, huh?

Sure, sure.

But, Tyler, wowza!

You must be lust.

Indeed I am.

Doesn't he fit the part perfectly?

Oh, here, Tyler. Spray on some oil.

Lust should be all hot and sweaty.

[Giggles]

Lissa, when are you going to tell your mom

that your dad is a big gay gay?

That was a one-time thing, Sadie.

I think he was just confused.

Can't be easy to come out to a
judgmental slore like your mom.

My mom's not judgmental.

She just knows right from wrong.

She's punishing you for
having feelings for Tyler

when there's nothing wrong with it.

And I thought my family was [bleep] up.

As a woman, it can be difficult

being in an all-boys club.

But in the end, hard work is
what will bring you success,

not your gender.

I got to go.

Where are you going?

Jake?

What are you doing here?

You stalking me?

[Chuckles]

No, I, um... I have a booth.

Really? Where?

Um...

I just wanted to say wow,
what a wonderful speech.

And as a fellow feminist in the struggle,

I applaud you for being such a bad-ass.

And you, Mr. Rosati,

I'll be seeing in detention later.

Pantsing a freshman in gym class?

Very original.

Uh... I know you must be

really confused right now,

but I can explain. I...

We can't talk here.

Meet me at my car in an hour.

Was that your new year's MILF?

Oh, yeah.

I think you're the one
with a little crush.

[Chuckles]

Jenna, that author,
Samantha Perry, is here.

She went to PHHs and SCU.

Aren't you a fan of hers?

Yes. Dad, please spare me.

I can spare me. Let's go.

Sign me up for the next season of

The Bad Girls Club, 'cause
I just did three things

on my [bleep] it list at once. [Chuckles]

Cut class, check.

Break dress code, check.

And smoke an e-cig in the sanctuary,

hell, yeah, check.

Oh. Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton.

So, Jenna, is SCU still
being a distant diva?

Hey. My daughter Jenna,
two NS, loves your work.

She wants to be a writer just like you

- when she grows up.
- Mom, stop.

Aw, that's great.

She's planning on studying
creative writing at SCU.

- Yeah!
- Oh, wow.

They have an incredible program.

They whipped my butt into shape.

- Oh. [Chuckles]
- Mom, stop.

"Dear, Jenna, congrats on SCU." [Chuckles]

Isn't that sweet?

I didn't get in, okay?

I didn't get in to SCU.

Oh, no, your friend and now you too?

Oh, bummer.

Why didn't you tell us about SCU?

Uh, that's why. That's
why I didn't tell you.

Because the look Dad's giving me.

What look?

The look of utter disappointment.

Jenna, I'm so sorry.

I can't believe you didn't get in.

Me either. You puked on someone's desk

and you made the cut.

Doesn't seem fair, does it?

Slow your roll, cowgirl.

I worked my type-a ass off for four years.

You just got your [bleep]
together four months ago.

Sorry, I couldn't tell
if it was the four years

of hard work or the BS
doctor notes you sent in.

Okay, I'm going to go before you say

something else you'll regret.

Call me when you calm down.

You need to calm down.

I can't, Tyler!

Sadie's right.

Everyone in my family is a giant liar.

Children, where are you?

A new crop of sinners have arrived.

Sorry.

Tyler and I had to... go potty.

That's it.

If you won't listen to your parents,

you're going to a
Christian boarding school,

where you will listen to God.

I'm sorry if my relationship
with Tyler upsets you guys.

But I'd rather go to boarding school

than not be open about the person I love.

A life where you can't be
honest about who you are

is like living in a stupid
hell tent of your own making.

Lovebun, there's something
I've got to tell you.

What is it, Joe?

Well...

Wow, this is a lot harder than I thought.

For the love of Christ,
just say it, darling.

Satan has made me afflicted

with a very powerful attraction to men.

But don't worry.

Because I have decided to
attend a Christian retreat

where they can cure homosexuality.

Because I'll do whatever it takes

to keep this family together.

Even if it means spending
hours of repentance

with other wayward men.

[Sobs]

Shh, shh, shh, shh. Hey,

I'll be a missionary.

It'll be fun.

Hey.

Hey.

Can I sit down?

Sure.

I know you're bummed
you didn't get into SCU.

But here's the silver lining:

All the pain you're feeling
will fuel your writing.

But how much pain is a
writer supposed to take?

I mean, I'm not even
out of high school yet,

and I already feel like I've had my fill.

[Chuckles] A lot.

Being a professional writer
is a freaking nightmare.

It's filled with never-ending rejection.

Only an insane person would pursue it.

But guess what? I didn't have a choice.

Telling stories is the only way I know how

to make sense of the world around me.

Don't you feel the same way?

Yeah, I guess I do.

Then you're going to be fine.

I'm not worried about you, Jenna.

Thank you.

Listen, Jake, if I had known

you were in high school, I
never would have kissed you.

I'm sorry for not telling you.

[Chuckles] It's just you're so hot.

I-I got caught up in the moment.

You're a good-looking young man.

I just can't believe you're so young.

I'm not that young. I'm 18.

But I get it, and I'll see you around.

Wait, you're 18?

Yeah.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, that means we can't
get in trouble, right?

Legally we're fine. Morally... Eh.

What?

Come on.

Oh, screw it.

Thanks for the ride home.

Yeah, no worries.

Are you okay?

You seem a little bummed.

Yeah, I guess I've just been
a little down on myself lately.

Yeah, me too.

In fact, I was going to ask you something.

Why did you go out with me?

Don't play dumb.

I'm not.

You know why.

Because you're Matty McKibben.

Thanks, but apparently

that's not good enough for Gabby.

You mean Intimidation Nation Gabby?

Okay, is there like a club

where you guys meet and name everything?

I thought you weren't doing
relationships this year.

Who said relationships?

I can barely get the girl to talk to me.

I mean, what the [bleep]?

I mean, did I peak
junior year or something?

[Chuckles]

Matty, I didn't get into SCU.

Aw, I'm sorry.

I think they get their
answers out so early

because they just toss a coin.

Come on, you haven't even
heard from the best schools yet.

And you know what?

I really think you dodged a bullet.

Why?

Dude, have you seen their school mascot?

It's a fricking moth.

How embarrassing is that? [Chuckles]

Well, thanks.

- Do you want to come in?
- I can't.

I will be at home trying to figure out

how to get my swag back.

Okay.

Well, I'll talk to you later.

Bye.

♪ I can preach ♪

♪ Take me with you when you go ♪

With no plans of platonic
Matty distraction,

it was time to move on

and push eject on this day of rejection.

Yes, her name is Jenna with two NS.

I'd like to talk to the
director of admissions, please.

You made a big mistake, buddy. Big.

Mom, Dad, put the phone down now.

Look, we're sorry, honey. We
didn't mean to embarrass you.

We just wanted to know
why you didn't get in.

I wish I could send that admissions board

a big steaming pile of [bleep]!

You guys, it's okay.

It's not SCU's fault, it's mine.

Let's be honest, my junior
year grades were not great,

and I didn't have any
extracurricular activities

until this year.

I understand their decision.

So thank you, Dad, for
driving me up to campus

and showing me around

and, Mom, for being
there and supporting me.

Now, let's just forget it, okay?

[Sniffs]

Wow, I'm so proud of you.

You're handling this rejection very well.

Well, if I'm going to be a writer,

I better get used to it.

It was then that I realized
rejection is easier to accept

when you're honest with
yourself about the reasons why.

And I knew someone who
really deserved some clarity.

Listen, I'm sorry to be such a stalker

and show up at your house like this,

but I tried to talk to you at school...

Jenna, it's... it's okay. What's up?

I'm sorry about what happened earlier.

I had a really bad day
and I took it out on you,

and you didn't deserve that.

What happened?

I didn't get into SCU.

Oh, man, I-I'm sorry.

It's fine.

I have accepted it and I'm moving on.

Good. You can't let some dumb people

on a college acceptance board have, like,

total power over your feelings.

- It's hard not to.
- Jenna, I've been told "no"

more times than I can count.

Like, pretty recently.

So, yeah, you know, it sucks for a minute,

but then, I don't know, I get a feeling

that it'll all work out.

And I'm not just gonna stop
going after the things I want.

So you shouldn't either, okay?

I won't. I promise.

Okay.

Whoa. Who knew Owen was this confident?

It felt so good to have him believe in me.

It felt... so good.

Wow, really good.

♪ I'll get you started ♪