Awkward. (2011–2016): Season 1, Episode 3 - The Way We Weren't - full transcript

Previously on Awkward...

But you should know,
I didn't try to kill myself.

"Jenna, as you are now,

"you could disappear,
and no one would notice.

"A friend."

Guys like Matty don't go
for girls like us.

For 2.8 weeks,

Matty couldn't keep his hands off me.

He was on a Jenna bender.

And aside from the fact
that my vag-a-matic was suffering

some serious road burn,



I was high on life.

I was living
those magical high school moments

I'd only seen in movies,

and like most leading ladies,
I wanted more.

Not more boning.

I wasn't starting a lifelong battle
with sex addiction.

I just wanted more...

intimacy.

Like the kind I had
with Brian Palermo

when we played doctor as kids.

- There's a cramp. I got to...
- Sorry.

Seven years later,
I was playing for real

with a guy I knew nothing about.

Can you move?
My head's in the oven.



My casual suicide reference
could have killed the moment,

but luckily Matty was preoccupied.

Oh, God.

- Should I wait?
- It was time to get to know Matty.

And I had approximately ten seconds.
If you could live anywhere in the world?

I don't know.

- How old when you lost your virginity?
- About 15.

If you were on death row,
your last meal?

- Benihana's.
- Are you close to your mom?

- No more questions.
- Okay.

Awesome!

I used to collect these little dudes.

Turns out we had a lot in common.

Keep it.

So after bonding over sex

and our shared love of reptiles
trained in martial arts

specializing in sabotage,

I couldn't help but wonder
if this made Matty and I a "we",

and were we going
about this backwards?

First the sex, then the relationship?

Or were we more interesting?

Do we have any plans?
Do you.

Do you have any plans this weekend?

I'll, probably swing
by Lissa's party Friday.

I should have gone with the "we".
You know, power of suggestion.

You should come.

So I guess "we" weren't
the type who kissed good-bye.

Or maybe we were.

Suicide Club pr?sente :

- 1x03 The Way We Weren't -

If you're not busy tonight,

Ricky Schwartz is having peeps over
for strip jenga.

Matty invited me to a party.

Get out of the city!

Matty's actual words:
"You should come."

Does that count as an invite?

He parked his pink Cadillac
down your side street. It counts.

He's taking you public,
outing you as a couple.

Tamara thought
Matty and I were a "we."

- So it's a date?
- Dates are so old testament.

You show up at the party.

And bring me.

Too bad it's being thrown
by queen of the virgin parade.

Join the abstinence club.
Before it's too late.

TIA.

It means this is awkward.

Abstinence isn't easy,

and neither are you.

You can't be in that club.
But you can still go to her party.

It's penciled in.
Keeping Matty and I's relationship

off the grid
seems to be working for us.

Stop.
Don't touch me there.

- That, sir, is my no-no square.
- Girlfriend's on the hymen squad.

Lissa's given me so many rub and tugs,
I got no skin left down there.

- I blame God.
- You know what really sucks?

It's our three-month anniversary tonight,
so I'm probably due another handie.

Or Lissa's case, a sandie.

Handie so rough, it's like sandpaper.

We have to go to Lissa's.
This is my opportunity

to skip nine,
maybe ten rungs on the social ladder.

It's gonna be a big party,
no one'll even notice we're there.

Doesn't matter. A person's popularity
is directly related

to the number of red cup pics
they have posted online.

Photoshopping my way to the a-list
was a big fail Mary.

To simulate gange smoke,
I lit a fire in my trash can,

and my hair caught on fire.

I was wearing
my Jessica Simps' bump-up pony,

so I ripped that shit out.

S-T-O-P.

Keep your thing away from me.

Where's your purity ring?
Hanging from your nipple?

I'm just using the gifts God gave me.

I hope you're using the party
planning gifts he gave you,

because I will not be associated
with some lame-ass shindy.

Especially when tonight's the night
I'm hooking up with Matty.

My party is going
to rock your face off.

And it's perfect timing.

It's mine and Jake's
three-month anniversary.

You know what that means, right?

It's our paper anniversary?

More like a latex anniversary.

'Cause it's the deadline for sex.

If you don't do him, you'll lose him.

And do not heat up the hot tub.

I can't have it going down with Matty
in some nasty cesspool.

Maybe we should go tonight.

I was having
some serious party jitters.

My outfit said yes,
but my gut said stay the hell home.

Maybe it was a sign
that Matty needed room to miss me.

I just decided we're not going.

If we don't go, then the terrorists win.
And by "terrorists" I mean Sadie.

I can't believe
you never showed this to me.

- Bitch definitely wrote the letter.
- Why would she bother?

One, she hates you, two, she sexted
your billabongs to the tri-school area,

and, three, she has a thing for Matty,
and probably suspects you do too.

You cannot show fear.
Show her you don't give a crap.

- Or I don't go and don't show anything.
- Laundry.

Are you wearing eyeliner?

- What's happening here?
- She got invited to an in-crowd party.

- She doesn't want to go.
- You're going.

And I know exactly
what you could wear.

Nothing in your closet.
Be right back.

What if you invited Matty to a party
and he didn't show up?

- How would you feel?
- Well, I'd be bummed.

Guys have feelings too.
They're sensitive.

Especially if they're circumcised.
Matty junior wear a helmet?

- How would I know?
- You'd know.

I don't want Matty to feel bad, so...

Should I ask him to walk me in,
or does that make me seem like a pussy?

No, you and Matty have a thing.

I didn't know what kind of thing,

but I was hoping the party
would clear that up.

Big ups on the content,
but I'm not sold on the sign off.

I tried an exclaim
but it made me seem too excited,

and now I'm worried
the "..." is too whorey.

Agreed. The ellipses
are the sluts of punctuation.

Go with a dash.

I don't really remember
a whole hell of a lot from that night.

Keep in mind,
it was my very first party,

and I was wasted.

And I was alone with maybe,

seven guys, and they were wasted...

If you're about to get nostalgic
over your first orgy,

I really don't want to hear about it.

Surprisingly, no.

But I never did find out
what happened to my panties.

He hasn't texted me back. Is he inside?
Or should I wait out here?

- Who are we talking about?
- Matty McKibben.

Are you and Matty together?

Apparently this was a burning question
on everyone's mind.

If only I could answer it.

Can we go around the block again?

No more laps.

The beer is for the kids.

Finnish vodka is for Lissa's mom.

She is a big boozer,

and no doubt drank every ounce
of hooch in that house.

All right, girls.
What is the golden rule?

Beer before liquor, never sicker.

Liquor before beer, in the clear.

Have a good night.

Promise me if it's weird at all
that we will just leave.

Like you said, no one'll even notice us.
It sounds like a rager.

- There's probably five million people.
- That's true, I guess.

Or we just crashed a get-together.

TIA.

The Finnish vodka's for your mom,
and the beer is...

That's for us.

My mom'll be so stoked.

Her bathroom mini fridge
is totally empty.

Who the fuck

invited you?

I did.

Matty and I were a "we."

Better hide the knives.

Say "Sadie!"

Get out of my face, wannabe.

Lissa, I told you to lock up
that stupid mutt!

Sprinkles, be quiet!

So there we were, out in public,

for the whole...
small group of people to see.

I wondered how he'd introduce me.

As his girlfriend,
his date, his lover...

Drinks and stuff are over here.

- I would have settled for "Jenna."
- You know everybody.

Hey, McKibben.

I know almost no one.

What do we do now?

- Blend in.
- There's nothing to blend into.

Matty invited you here.
It's your turn to make the next move.

But first,
pretend like you're cross-faded.

Cigarette butts.

- How's it going?
- Good.

Yeah, good.

Pretty good.

Actually, it's kind of weird.

- It's way weird.
- Yes.

I really didn't know
this was gonna be a kickback.

- I figured.
- Yeah.

Let me ask you something.

What's the benefit
to having a smaller party

versus a standard rager?

Well, no one's gonna call the cops,

and their house won't get trashed.

And there's a lot more booze
to go around, so...

It's really nice
to see you out, Jenna.

Is this your first party
since the accident?

Everybody smize.

Smile with your eyes.

If our body language was analyzed
by the experts at Us Weekly,

they would have said
we were on the outs.

I need your help with the keg.

Right.
Talk later?

- Did you get lowlights?
- And highlights.

Then I got completely
neck-2-t lasered.

- Did it hurt?
- I didn't even feel it.

Then again, I always take, like,
three zannies.

- Oh, my God.
- Is that safe? They're driving zannies.

Cups up, ladies.

By the way, I'm Tamara.

It's spelled "tam-ara,"
but it's pronounced "ta-mara."

Like, if your birth control fails,

you better plan "b" it "ta-mara."

I've never actually seen a girl eat
at one of these kickbacks.

You look like you're having
about as much fun as I am.

I'm a little stressed.
It's my anniversary.

It makes sense.
A year's a long time.

It's only been three months.

People are watching.

- What people?
- Okay.

Where have you been?

I had to take a leak.

Come check this out.

Lissa's dad got an electric eel,

and when you tap the glass,
it gets super pissed,

and shocks the crap
out of the angel fish.

Let's just talk
about it a little later, okay?

All right.

Don't even talk to me until you kick

that slut-hole out of your party.

Why?

Did Matty just blow you off?

No, I asked him to get me a beer.
What is your problem, drunk fu?

You were right about Jake.

He is pulling away.
I have to step it up.

But I can't have sex-sex,

so what can I do
without breaking my vow?

There is a loophole.

Really?

God has a blind spot.

So I was thinking,

you remember
when we were at your house,

and we were talking...

What's going on, man?

So there we were, not speaking.

I desperately wanted him
to say something. Anything.

Even though I was stuck on mute.

24 hours ago,

Matty was taking my temp
with his all-beef thermometer,

and now he couldn't even ask me
how much foam I wanted.

That's plenty.

Maybe he was just shy.

I'd never been out with him before.

Maybe he had social anxiety.

Who's ready for some hot tub action?

So my shy theory was a tad off.

I told you no hot tub.

I needed an excuse to get in a bikini
so I could lure Jake into my room.

But don't worry.

I know you don't do swimsuits,
so...

I brought you one of my dad's shirts.

Where's Jake?

Lose the clothes, beer wench.
We're going in.

I think I'll pass.

I only missed the concert

because I had to go
to my parents' divorce party.

But get another drink in me
and I can make music in your pants.

Hello?

It was a career low.
I had resorted to the fake phone call.

I'm just chillin' at this kickback.

I was putting up
with a bunch of ass-icles

just to hang with Matty,
who had barely acknowledged me.

I guess the all-encompassing "we"

I was hoping for wasn't
the "we" that he wanted.

Karaoke sounds awesome.

Happy anniversary.

Jeez, Liss.

It's been three months.

And...

I want to reward you

for being so patient.

I don't need a reward.

I can't give you

exactly what you want.

But...

I can give you...

my be-hymen!

Jake, can you...
can you help me with this?

Jake?

Jake?

Just a second.

Jenna, are you playing video games?

Okay, look, this clearly
wasn't a real invite.

You have enough pictures,
so can we please just go?

Two skanks are all over Matty,
but he hit the ignore button.

Probably because he's waiting
for some Hamilton soup.

Really?

Tamara was right.

Matty wasn't responsive.

Even though sluts-her-face
was practically dry-humping him.

I did want to go in.

And what did I have to lose?

I had some Victoria's secrets
of my own.

I didn't know if he was going out
of his way to answer my question,

but he couldn't have made it
any clearer.

Matty and I weren't a "we" at all.

There was only me, and...

me was devastated.

What are you looking at, freak?

Nothing.

Looks like Matty
invited a lot of people.

I'm not in the mood for a sob fest,

so why don't you go home

and practice the blood violin?

- I'm sorry.
- You want to take this inside?

No. Just back off, please?

Okay, I want to go, "T."

But I need her
to hold up my extensions.

Isn't this awesome?

In a little while, okay?

It's a little serendip... Itous
that I'm gonna vomit,

because now I don't have
to feel guilty

about eating all those nachos.

Hold that thought.

Cup up, Karli.

Roman shower, coming through.

Sprinkles, come here, b...

Hey, mom.

It's only 9:15.

Please don't tell me you want me
to pick you up already.

No, I was actually,

calling because the party's so awesome,
we might be a while.

- What are you doing out here?
- I don't know.

What are you doing?

Leaving.

You need a ride?

Please.

Anyone want to make out with me?

Anyone?

Running solo here.

So Lissa refuses to have sex with you,
but she'll do that?

Yep.

And... get ready to piss your pants,

because she called it her be-hymen.

Oh, my God.
That's genius.

- I can't believe I just told you that.
- I can't either, but I'm glad you did.

- Really? Why?
- It means you trust me.

- You're easy to talk to.
- I was just thinking the same thing.

So why did you bail on the party?

Because...

It sucked.

Yeah, agreed.

I forgot to mention the part
of the story where I completely bolted.

- I mean, does that make me an ass?
- Just ass-ophobic.

I want to do it.
You know, I'm a guy.

Just under different circumstances.

Like maybe after we've known
each other longer...

Does that make any sense?

I knew exactly what he meant.

Not that I wanted
to take it up with Kardashian.

But maybe Matty and I
shouldn't have done anything

until we knew each other better.

Man. Everything on the radio's
really depressing.

I had barely spent any time
with Jake,

and I already knew
extremely intimate stuff about him.

Weird stuff
I didn't really want to know.

Do you have to be home right away?

I have a few hours to kill.

Oh, my God.
Someone pooped.

www.sous-titres.eu

Audrey - chiiz - etig

Gernevie - Mlmlte - Poca

Padm? - STid - Tof

Merci addic7ed

Wait.

Do you hear those lyrics?
Turn it up.

Don't come knocking on my backdoor

Saying don't come knocking
on my backdoor

Saying all those pretty words
you said before