Awkward. (2011–2016): Season 1, Episode 4 - The Scarlet Eye - full transcript

Jenna's friends convince her that it's time to DTR - define the relationship. And what better time than at the big school bonfire?

Previously on Awkward...

Matty invited me to a party.

He's taking you public,

outing you as a couple.

Are you and Matty together?

Who the fuck invited you?

Looks like Matty invited
a lot of people.

You look like you're having
about as much fun as I am.

It's my anniversary.

Mm...Mm...

You have to be home right away?



I have a few hours to kill.

It was homecoming week.

And, like an uncomfortably
misguided tampon,

it was impossible to ignore.

Especially the day
of the bonfire,

when the entire student body
was running around

like they were high
off huffed paint...

And every inch of the school
was covered in signs.

[Crowd cheering]

Though, to be fair,

some inches needed
more coverage than others.

Me, I was just
desperate for a sign

that Matty was still into me.

All: Hoo! Hoo!
Titans!



[Paper ripping]

- Go, Titans!
- Oh, yeah!

Oh, my God, they have boners!

Do all boners
look like weapons?

Have you never seen
a marshmallow shooter?

Like you guys have.

Um, yeah, I'm in the band.

And Jenna saw peen
when mckibbers

gave her the hymen hammer.

You had sex with Matty?

Why did you tell Tamara
and not me?

I was gonna tell you, but...

Matty's still kissing
other girls.

He hooked up with Michelle
in Lissa's hot tub.

- What?
- Look!

Betsy Motamedi has pink eye.

Ow. Heh.

So...You're in
an open relationship?

Well, technically,
it's not anything.

They haven't D.T.R.

True, we hadn't
"defined the relationship."

But I wasn't sure there was
a relationship to define.

And I didn't want
to discuss it with Ming,

who was getting
all judge Judy on me.

J, I've known you
since third grade,

and there's no way
you're cool doing it with a guy

who's kissing other girls.

I already decided that I'm not
gonna hook up with Matty again

until we D.T.R.'d

Confession:
I was terrified to D.T.R.

I just needed a sign
that I should have the convo.

Yeah!

Any sign...

To fall into my lap.

Thanks for
the info vomit at lunch.

You know I don't have a filter.

[Sighs] Do you think
I should talk to Matty

about our status?

Mm, no.

Did you see that?

She has pink eye too.

J, you need to hold off
on the Matty chitchat

and wait for him to do it.

The last thing you wanna do
is get all status clingy.

I mean, you could have
hooked up with someone too.

Like Chris Jones.

He was at Lissa's.

What is up with
all the conjuncta-funk?

Is there an epidemic?

[Toilets flushing]

[Eerie music]

My eye is itching like crazy.

Ew, don't touch it.
That [Bleep] spreads.

Like that rumor that we got it
from an orgy at Lissa's.

Well, you are.

I know.

Ahem.

[Toilets flushing]

- Was there an orgy at Lissa's?
- Evidently.

And get this.

I was part of it!

I mean, I wasn't really
part of it,

but everyone will think I was.

Oh, my God,
this is so much better

than a red cup photo.

Now, I have red cup on my face.

Okay, so there was
an orgy at lissa's.

Well, it was just
a make-out orgy.

For, like, ten minutes.

In the hot tub.

Did Matty kiss anyone,
besides Michelle?

I wasn't tracking his activity.

Although, he wasn't in the hot
tub when the action went down.

So he could have been hooking
up with someone in the house?

It's possible.

No filter, remember?

Watch where
you're going, poser.

Sideshow.

"Poser"?

She wasn't even in the hot tub.

I'm calling shenanigans
on that eye.

I guarantee she used lip liner

and strategically placed blush.

I need a better look.

I had asked the universe
for a sign

that I should talk to Matty,

and so far, I had six.

Make that seven.

The D.T.R had to happen
A.S.A.P.,

and, O.M.G., I really needed
to stop using initials.

Hey.

I couldn't see
Matty's right eye.

I didn't hurt you
at lunch, did I?

No, but I bet that fall
hurt you.

Or at least
your precious cargo.

Yeah...Yeah.

So am I gonna see you
at the bonfire tonight?

The bigger question,
was he gonna be able to see me?

I think so.

Hey, so Alyssa's kickback...

I'm sorry if I was weird
or whatever.

I was pretty faded.

I just didn't really know
what I was saying.

Or doing.

I'm not making any sense, am I?

Matty was apologizing
for kissing a skank.

Or maybe I was the skank.

So, listen, um...
[Cell phone chimes]

There's been something
I wanted to talk to you about.

Shoot, I gotta go.

Talk later? Okay.

New deal: If Matty
didn't have the pink,

it would clear the stink.

If he did,
I'd have to have the talk.

And that was gonna be...

Awkward!

[Both laugh]

Oh, darn.

So, uh, you going
to the bonfire?

Oh, if you're gonna be there.

Well, it's required.

Ahem, ahem.

Um, I'll see you later, val.

Yes, you will.

Hey, Jenna.

So I'm trying to figure
something out with a guy.

Me too.

And it concerns other girls.

Oh, is he married?

No, he's in high school.

I'm trying to figure out
when to D.T.R.

[Door slams]

Have you ever
D.T.R.'d before?

No, and I'm not even sure
I know how to do it.

It's--I had a chance
earlier today.

It was on the tip of my tongue.

Wait a minute, "it"
was on the tip of your tongue?

Earlier today?

[Snickers]

Where were you?

By my locker.

So you're
one of those girls.

Any...way, I was...

I was trying to get it
out of my mouth,

and I just couldn't
spit it out.

So you swallowed?

Yeah, I guess.
I held it in.

[Aggravated sigh]
Sometimes we feel a pressure

to hold it in.

But you need to do
whatever's comfortable for you.

And if he's worth it,

he will not judge you
for spitting it out.

Really? I just--
I don't wanna scare him off.

Scare him off?
I hate the double standard.

It's like we're supposed
to swallow everything,

but when they get down
to business with us,

they can just spit freely.

I'm not...Sure we're talking
about the same thing here.

What are you talking about?

D.T.R.
"Define the relationship."

- Oh.
- So what should I do?

My gut says just spit it out.

Oh, no.
N-n-n-n-no.

Suppress your reflex.
Definitely swallow.

[School bell ringing]

Did you talk to Matty?

We spoke, but, you know,

it's pretty clear
things are good.

We didn't have to get specific.

Clear without being specific?

What does that even mean?

It's like, you know, actions
speak louder than words.

We're gonna hang out
at the bonfire tonight.

Remember, you promised
not to hook up again

without clarity,

so you better get it soon,

before you're dumpster humping
without a safety net.

What?

The bonfire is a scam fest.

After the fire dies down,
everything else heats up.

And thanks for keeping me
in the loop.

Not.

Ming, I'm sorry.

I just--
Mckibben, of course.

I'm gonna ask him
for a ride to the bonfire,

and then I'm gonna
give him a ride.

[Girls laugh]

I had to get to Matty
before Michelle.

Whether I liked it or not,
it was time to D.T.R.

Move it!

My legs were moving
pretty fast.

And it seemed like they knew
where they were going

before I did.

Jenna!
Can you believe

how many people
got the Scarlet eye

from Lissa's party?
We dodged a bullet.

Yes, big...Pink bullet.

Um, hey, thanks again

for ditching
out of the party with me.

It was the best part
of the night.

Yeah, it was.

Love to talk, but I gotta
finish speed walking

for, uh, gym.

As I felt the crazy
creeping in,

I blamed conjunctivitis.
[Horn honks]

And me.

And three godforsaken letters:

D.T.R.

Remember our sophomore bonfire?

Ohh, I was wearing
that green suede skirt.

I think I have better recall

for what you weren't wearing.

Oh, I'm--
I'm the room.

Remember how I stole you
away from Mandy...

What's her name?
Piekarski.

- Yes.
- Who you told I was gay.

[Both laughing]

Which, clearly, you aren't.

Are you really having
this conversation right now

in front of me?

I would have preferred
a different tactic.

Well, I had
to fight dirty, babe.

She was a nasty ho-bag.

And never stood a chance.

You were the sexiest girl
that I'd ever seen.

It was a damn good bra.

My mother's risk bore a reward.

And maybe mine would too.

So the bonfire was where
you guys hooked up

for the first time?

Yep!

And then, a year later,

it's where you were conceived.

I blame the bra.

[Both laughing]

- Let's go!
- Let's do it.

Aside from the teen mom sitch,

the bonfire was a lucky omen
in my family.

It was where I was meant
to cement my relationship

with Matty.

And the place to double bag it.

♪ Remind me of a distant
constellation ♪

♪ the way you color it up,
but don't let me touch ♪

♪ so now you wanna know
is that important ♪

Wait, where do you
think you're going?

With you.

No, not happening.

Parents will be there.

Not mine.

Call you later.

[Car door slams]

I am not wasting
this good hair!

Where could we go?

We could go to dinner,
go to a movie, uh...

- We could take a nap.
- Okay.

No!

We are not old!

We--we have a teenager.

That does not make us old!

People mistake me
for Jenna's sister every day.

What do you wanna do?

There's something
that we could do right here.

Something we haven't done

in a long...

Long...

Time!

Is!

Now!

[Cheers and applause]

There you are.
Have you seen Ricky?

I've got our spot all picked out
behind the dumpster.

T, you can't hook up
with that eye.

It's contagious.

Everyone who's not anyone

is dying to make out with me

for exactly that reason.

They all want the pink.

What'd I miss?

[Laughing]

I can't believe you snuck out!

I didn't have to.
I lied.

I told my parents
I was going to study.

And they believed me!

That bitch!

I really want to celebrate
your release from jail,

but I am on the hunt
for red October.

[Crowd cheering]

Matty was present
and accounted for.

It was the moment to advance.

You're not ditching me.

Course not.

I'm not getting left out again.

Too much monumental stuff
keeps happening,

and the next time it does,

I'm gonna be on you
like white on rice.

Was the universe throwing
obstacles in my way

to keep me from
making a mistake?

Or was I just screwed?

[Laughing]

[Coughs and laughs]

This was a bad idea.

[Laughing]

Who's driving Jenna home?

- [Coughing]
- Who's driving us home?

We're terrible parents.

You look really old right now.

Do you think
Jenna's gonna know?

[Whispering] That we're old?

[Whispering] That we're high.

Just act normal.

[Rap music playing]

Are we gonna take the tigers
down on Friday night?

Huh? Yeah!
[Crowd cheering]

All right!

So is there
a little lady at home

with a dot on her forehead?

Oh, no, that's a hindu symbol.
I'm not a hind...

And I'm not married.

Ah. Wait, why not?

I don't know.

I guess my parents
haven't arranged it yet.

[Chuckles]

That was...
Ah!

[Both laugh]

Oh...

[Crowd cheering]

Hey, poser.

Ex-scuse me?

You heard me.

Why is your eye suddenly
three shades darker

than it was earlier?

I know--
'cause you're the one

faking an std, not me.

- Pink eye is not an STD.
- Yes, it is.

It's a [Bleep]-Transmitted
disease,

which we got from poop
in Lissa's hot tub,

not some hooched-up orgy.

[Laughing] Oh, my God.

She's actually proud
of her pink eye.

You are such a dork.

[Cheering]

Are you going to talk to him?

When I get the chance.

Sounds like you're
making excuses.

Okay, why are you
being so hard on me?

Because you told Tamara
about Matty, and not me.

I thought we told each other
everything.

But lately, I feel like
I've been downgraded

to third wheel status.

Apparently my convo with Matty

wasn't the only talk
that I needed to have.

I needed to D.T.R. with Ming.
[Cell phone chimes]

I'm sorry I hurt you.

[Bleep] me.

My mom's here.

[Car horn honking]

Ming ming!
I know you lie!

I put GPS in your phone!

You in big, big trouble!

I hope you'll finally
appreciate me

when I'm on a slow boat
to China.

I didn't force you
to come tonight.

I know, you didn't...
Even invite me.

[Shouting in Mandarin]

The white devil made me do it!

[Shouting in Mandarin]

Move!

[Car pulling away]

Douche bag alert!

It was exactly
what I was thinking

when I saw Michelle
bitch block me.

But it was another douche bag
of the tiger variety.

Our school rivals
were on a mission

to drown our spirit.

Watch out!

[All screaming]

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

Get out!

Mr. Rosati...

You are in trouble.

What--trouble?

I should get a reward.

I just saved the bonfire, man.

Yeah, I'm not sure
saving the bonfire

includes soaking
Mrs. Beukema.

Come on.
Oh, uhh!

♪ ♪

Sadie!

[Screaming]

Who's the poser now?

[Chuckling] Did you get wet?

It was a loaded question.

Wait, not here
I can't see your, um...

Lips.

[Chuckles]

Matty didn't have the pink.

And he was giving me the sign

that he was nervous...

Which meant he was vulnerable,

which meant the iron was hot,

and it was time to strike.

♪ ♪

♪ I know I wanna be yours ♪

I need to ask you something.

Mm-hmm?

I, um...

I kind of made a promise
to myself that I'd, uh...

That you'd what?

I'd go easy on you this time.

So I broke my promise.

Sue me.

Some promises were
made to be broken.

You're a really good kisser.

So I've been told.

I'm--I'm kidding.

No one's ever said that before.

That was just something to say.

[Laughs]

And you're--you're funny.

- Looking.
- [Laughs]

Nah, you're beautiful.

In the dark, behind a dumpster.

Mm...Nah,
you look pretty good

in the light
behind the dumpster too.

So, um...

I've been wanting
to ask you something.

Sure.

Are we...together?

Ohh...No, no, no, no.

I'm wearing granny panties.

Oh, that is so hot.

Uhh!

As we walked through
the empty parking lot,

it looked exactly how I felt.

Post-apocalyptic.

So I haven't
answered your question.

What question?

[Chuckles]

About us.

Oh...That one.

♪ You wanted somethin' and I ♪

Jenna, I like you.

[Chuckles]

I really like you.

And I think it's so cool

that you're not afraid
to be who you are.

You don't care what
other people think of you.

Yes, I do.

I-I do.

Doesn't seem like it.

♪ Maybe someday ♪

♪ I hope you'll find it ♪

But...

I'm just not sure I'm ready
to be in a relationship.

♪ I just wanted you ♪

If you're not cool with that,
I will understand.

♪ I've got it ♪

But I like hanging out
with you.

I felt like everything
d changed.

But nothing had changed.

Except I finally
knew the score.

I wasn't cool with it.

I'm cool with it.

Cool.

You think I could get a ride?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

The scorch from my rejection
was still lingering.

And the fact that my dad

was driving 15 miles
under the speed limit

was only prolonging my hell.

[Tires screech]

[Crunching]

Lace...

Keep it down over there.

Can't concentrate
with that noise.

It was like my parents
were stoned.

Well, thanks a lot
for the ride.

Hey, tonight was fun.

I'll see ya.

[Car door slams]

[Munching slowly]

We can go now, dad.

You know, Jenna,

I was just thinking.

If he was gonna
say something about Matty,

I was gonna lose it.

When you were a little girl,

you used to really
like seahorses.

For weeks,
I'd assumed the letter

was an evil indictment
of the person who wrote it.

But then it hit me.

What if the author was just
trying to be honest?

I couldn't hate them for that.

Just like I couldn't
hate Matty.

He had been honest,

something I wasn't
brave enough to do.

But ming was.

[Dialing]

[Line ringing]

Hey.

Hi.

I didn't tell you
about Matty because, um,

I didn't want you to judge me.

I was just telling you
the truth.

I know.

Sometimes, the truth
is hard to hear.

Matty told me he didn't want
to be in a relationship with me.

I'm sorry.

But he's an idiot.

And an armpit sniffer.

- [Chuckles]
- It's weird, Jenna.

What was Tamara's take?

I haven't told her yet.

Well, I don't know if this
will make you feel better but,

at least be happy, you're not me.

When I got home,

my parents took
the bark control shock collar of our dog,

and they put it on me.

No, hey! Is it a legal?

No!

Upside, according to other researches
on tiger's mom,

- I'm gonna be men successful.
- Good.

Then you get to support me.

Because according to my mom,

a person's success is directly
related to the size of her boobs.

[Both laughing, electric buzzes]
Ouch!

You're making me laughing.